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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Everyone has the potential to be a beacon of light. Whether you ask a question or answer one, your words can illuminate the hearts of many people, and this is a power that we all share.
Hello, sweetheart. My name is Coach Xintan, and I can empathize with how you're feeling, with your grievances, anger, and helplessness. I wonder if it's truly appropriate for parents to use their "authoritative status" as a justification for physically punishing and scolding their children.
?1. Anger and grievance may arise when inner needs are not met.
Everyone desires to be trusted, respected, understood, accepted, and approved of.
It can be challenging to find the words to express your feelings, especially when you feel misunderstood. If you don't explain why you feel aggrieved, your parents might perceive your silence as argumentative. It's natural to feel frustrated when grown-ups don't always respond in ways that align with your expectations.
I wonder if you might be able to relate to this?
Let me give you a warm hug first. No matter what you may have done wrong, it is not right for your parents to hit you. Corporal punishment can have a negative effect on your sense of personal boundaries and may lead you to believe that your body can be disrespected and destroyed.
It is important to remember that, although you are the parents, you are equal as human beings and deserve to be respected and trusted. In China, traditional thinking sometimes leads parents to believe that they are free to hit and scold their children because they are their biological children.
In foreign countries, such actions as beating and scolding children can easily be characterized as "domestic violence" and "child abuse." At the age of 12, it is understandable that you may not have the ability to "rebel" or even argue with your parents, and therefore you may feel that you have no choice but to "take the beating" passively. This can be a painful experience for you.
Dear child, your parents are also new parents, and they may not have the experience they need to navigate this situation. They are learning and growing, too. Could you find it in your heart to forgive them for their mistakes?
You might enjoy the movie "The Galaxy Tutoring Class," starring Deng Chao. It's a story about a father and son that you could invite your parents to watch together. I think they'd find it inspiring.
2. How to Get Along with Your Parents
Some parents may believe that children are incapable of understanding complex concepts because of their age. If they make mistakes, they may resort to physical punishment, believing that it is the only way to instill obedience.
It might be helpful to remember that you are also gradually growing up. With the Internet as a backdrop to your growth, you know a lot, even more than some parents.
At your age, 12, which is the age of adolescence, it is particularly important to gain the respect and trust of your teachers and parents. Anything that goes against your parents' wishes may be seen as "rebellious".
I'm sending you lots of hugs! I also have a 12-year-old daughter, and your words and experiences have helped me gain a better understanding of my daughter's voice. I'm still learning how to get along with my child and how to educate her better.
If your parents are unable to listen to your explanations, you may wish to consider communicating with them through writing, or with the help of teachers, relatives, and friends, to help them understand that loving you is expressing it in a way that you accept.
At the same time, you are gradually growing up, and this process naturally brings out a range of emotions. When I was young, I watched an American TV series called "Growing Pains." It's not uncommon for people to experience challenges during the process of growing up.
It would be beneficial for you to take on your fair share of responsibility, for example, by making as few mistakes as possible, avoiding any potential minefields (emotions, inviolable principles, etc.), and being more patient and true to yourself.
I hope this will offer you a new perspective, help you see things more clearly, provide you with more options, and let you know that the world and I love you.
If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.
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Comments
I totally get how frustrating that must feel. It seems like no matter what you do, it's not enough for him. The fact that you're trying to communicate is already a big step.
It sounds really tough being in your shoes. Maybe instead of focusing on avoiding punishment, explaining could be about clearing the air and showing your side. That's what I'd try if I were you.
Your situation sounds incredibly hard. Sometimes people don't understand no matter how much we explain. I would seek help from someone outside, like a counselor, who can offer a different perspective.
I can hear how helpless you feel. Explaining might not stop the beating, but it can at least let your feelings be known. Over time, maybe things will change as they see your effort.
It's heartbreaking to know you feel this way. Communication should be a bridge, not a weapon. Perhaps finding a mediator to talk with your dad could lead to better understanding.