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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, question asker! I'm Jia Ao, not looking for anything.
I read your post about the problems and confusions you're facing. It seems like you're struggling with interpersonal relationships. You mentioned that you had a close friendship with a guy in junior high. He was really supportive and caring, and you had a strong connection. You maintained a friendship that was more than just platonic, but not romantic. After high school, you still felt dependent on him emotionally, to the point where you struggled to control your feelings. You're unsure why you're like this.
Not sure what your feelings are towards your friends? You also want to know how you can adjust your mentality?
Let me help you take a look at the problem and figure out the best way to handle it.
[Look at problems objectively and calmly]
It's natural to rely on friends of the opposite sex, but it's not a one-size-fits-all situation. Many couples become dependent on each other because they live together every day. For many people of the opposite sex, being overly dependent is a sign of affection and liking. If the relationship develops into a couple, it's a sign of love.
You also seem to be looking for some kind of psychological comfort from friends of the opposite sex. There was a time when he cared a lot about you, and you ended up depending on him a lot during your daily life together. You want him to be there for you when you do anything, and this makes you feel at ease and comfortable. After you took a break from school and parted ways, you even more urgently want to connect with him and spend every day with him. This doesn't show that you love him. You've always felt lonely, and your feelings for him may be just an emotional support. Even if there's no romantic relationship, you're just used to this kind of emotional attachment. After all, you haven't mentioned having other thoughts about him, just wanting him to care about and pay attention to you as he always has.
[It's important to learn to be independent and self-reliant as soon as possible]
In your situation, it's better to learn to be independent and self-reliant as soon as possible. Always relying on others is not good and is not conducive to your rapid growth. Learn to be independent slowly, understand and adapt to this society. You must have your own independent thoughts. When you encounter any problem, think carefully about what you should do and then make a decision. Developing this habit will make you stronger and braver, and you will no longer feel worried or afraid.
Have confidence in yourself.
The first step to learning to be independent is to have confidence in yourself. If you lack confidence, you'll be timid and afraid of difficulties in everything you do. You'll easily stop when you encounter problems and be afraid to try new things. You'll rely on others too much and not be able to do anything well on your own. Therefore, self-confidence is very important for self-reliance and self-improvement. You need to slowly build up your self-confidence.
[Be brave and give it a go]
Just go for it! Do what you love and follow your heart. The outcome doesn't matter as much as the journey. Learn from your mistakes, keep pushing, and grow from experience. This is the attitude and determination that self-reliance and self-improvement should have. You'll learn it slowly.
[Maintain a sense of boundaries]
Don't rely too heavily on others. Don't expect them to be able to help you with everything. If you can't get help from them, you can still complete the task on your own. You can give yourself a little pat on the back.
It's important to maintain an appropriate psychological distance to keep your friendship pure. No matter what kind of relationship you have, you need to set boundaries to make it stable and long-lasting. Otherwise, you might not be able to be friends.
It's important to communicate well and be honest with yourself and with each other. Even if you're not in the same school or living together, you can still maintain your friendship. Your hearts can always be together. Don't be scared or worried. I wish you all the best!
I hope this helps. Best of luck to you all!
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Comments
This sounds like a really tough situation to be in. It feels like your connection with him goes beyond just friendship, and it's understandable to feel scared about losing someone who has been so supportive. Facing the reality that he'll graduate soon can be really painful. Maybe talking to him about how you feel could help clarify things between you two.
It seems like your feelings for him might have developed out of a deep reliance during a difficult time. That doesn't make your feelings any less valid. It's important to acknowledge them and consider what you want moving forward. Sometimes opening up about your fears can bring people closer together.
Your emotions seem very intense and it's clear how much his presence means to you. This could be a mix of dependence and love. Both are powerful. Perhaps focusing on building more connections at school could provide some stability as you process these feelings. Also, sharing your worries with him might allow him to offer support in a new way.
The fear of him leaving is hitting you hard, and it's affecting you deeply. It's hard to say if this is overdependence or love; they often intertwine. What matters is how you feel and what you need from this relationship. Consider expressing your concerns to him; it might lead to a deeper understanding between both of you.
You've been through a lot, and it makes sense that you'd form such a strong bond with him. The thought of him leaving can be terrifying, especially given your history. Whether it's overdependence or love, it's okay to feel this way. Seeking comfort in him or even seeking professional advice could be beneficial as you navigate these complex feelings.