24 years old, female, how do I reconcile myself with my jealousy and vanity?

In the past, I thought that if you like someone, you don't have to ask for too much, just be happy together. I later realized that if you don't ask for anything, you won't get anything.

How do you measure emotions? As the woman in the relationship, how can you tell if your partner will be good to you and protect you for the rest of your life? Who can guarantee that your emotions will remain the same for the rest of your life?

Having an economic foundation is the basic guarantee of life.

If you don't have money, work hard to earn it. Show him that you appreciate all the hard work he's done for you and that he'll be a great dad to your future kids. Talk to him about potential problems in the future and how to solve them. Communicate promptly when problems arise, be proactive, and let him know that you believe that everything will be better in the future.

It's important to adjust your mentality to a more positive outlook. Life is a journey, and what's good or bad is just a part of it. There's no need to compare yourself with others. After all, life is short, and there are many stronger people than you. How many can you really compare with? Sometimes overthinking just leads to problems. It's better to live in the present, set a goal for yourself, and when you achieve it, your confidence will grow. Don't worry too much about what others think. If you can't be sure of yourself, how can you expect others to affirm you?

Good morning, my name is Xin Tan and I am Coach Fei Yun.

First and foremost, I wish you the utmost happiness in your life. You and your boyfriend love each other and are on the precipice of matrimony, which is something to be envied. However, you are troubled by your conscious or unconscious comparison with others around you. Although you are aware of it, you are unsure of how to rectify the situation.

Let's take a moment to discuss the issue and potential solutions together.

?1. People are shaped by their environment, and comparison is a natural consequence.

As I previously stated, I am also comparing you. For a middle-aged woman who has been married for more than ten years, she still looks forward to and reminisces about the feeling of being a bride.

No individual exists in isolation, and the practice of comparing oneself to others is a common habit. Why do people especially like to compare themselves to those around them?

The reason is straightforward: we are all similar in many ways. I compare you to me because we are both women; you compare yourself to your colleagues because you are colleagues and have many of the same resources.

Similarly, the beggar does not envy the wealthy, but rather the other beggars in his vicinity. This is because "similarity" prompts us to compare ourselves with those around us.

Let us examine the impact of comparison on us. As you have stated, it causes negative feelings and also affects the development of your relationship with your boyfriend, which is detrimental and unproductive.

The term "compare" is loaded with negative connotations. When we make comparisons, we often experience feelings of envy and jealousy.

The desire to possess the same things and undergo the same experiences as others is a form of envy. If these desires cannot be fulfilled, there may be a tendency to destroy what one does not have, which is a more serious form of jealousy.

Regardless of whether it is envy or jealousy, there is a limiting belief at its core: "I am not good enough."

Comparisons result in a diminished sense of self-worth, self-doubt, and self-denial. This can manifest as a belief that one is unworthy or undeserving of success or recognition.

Often, this is a result of childhood experiences and parenting styles. If we are frequently criticized, blamed, denied, or our feelings are ignored, it is easy to develop a low sense of worth and a sense of unworthiness.

2. When used correctly, comparisons can be a valuable tool.

It is beneficial to recognize that you possess a high level of emotional awareness and the ability to discern your emotions. Furthermore, it is important to understand the detrimental impact that comparison can have on your personal growth and the quality of your relationship with your partner.

When we identify our feelings of envy or jealousy, we are already taking steps towards change. It is important to continue to recognize the underlying needs that drive these emotions, which often stem from a sense of entitlement or a lack of self-worth.

It is recommended that you:

1. Compare yourself with others and then switch to comparing yourself with yourself. Focus on the changes and growth/progress that have occurred between now and the past.

2) Enhance your sense of worth by providing yourself with positive reinforcement. Affirm your intrinsic value and worthiness. Focus on your strengths and resources, such as the relationship with your boyfriend and his care for you.

3) Communicate more with your partner. It is important to be open and honest about your views and feelings in order to gain his understanding and support.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

If you wish to continue the conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" located in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Good morning,

A gentle reminder: jealousy is a natural emotion that plays an essential role in our lives. Individuals who do not experience jealousy are rare. The key is to understand how to manage this emotion and its associated effects.

Is it my responsibility to manage my tendency toward jealousy? How can I resolve this issue?

Jealousy is a complex emotional state comprising resentment, shame, and anger, which arises when an individual feels inferior to others in terms of talent, status, reputation, or circumstances. As a universal emotion, it is inevitable that everyone will experience jealous emotions in social interactions. Negative jealous emotions can also influence the direction of emotional and behavioral development.

From this, we can ascertain that jealousy can influence our emotions and have an impact. We can then identify ways to reduce this influence and restore our emotional balance. For example, when I observe that another individual has achieved more success than me, I must take action to avoid constant comparison and self-devaluation. Instead, I should focus on enhancing my skills, improving my sense of self-worth, and learning to accept myself.

I have been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for a considerable period of time. We have chosen each other and are moving towards marriage. Some of my colleagues are getting engaged and getting married, but I find myself comparing my situation with theirs. I am aware that this is not a constructive approach, but I am unable to stop myself. It also has a negative impact on my relationship with my boyfriend.

Is there a way to reconcile these differences?

The "object of envy" in this case is a colleague who, like me, is facing marriage. Because we are in the same position and situation, we have common ground and comparisons arise. However, those who are already married or have not yet entered into marriage have no object of comparison and therefore no intersection. Without an intersection, there is no connection with "self" and no sense of anxiety. Therefore, people in the same situation or environment are more likely to develop a sense of comparison.

Once this is understood, the key to overcoming jealousy is found. Jealousy arises from being "on the same level," so by escaping the same environment, freedom is regained and self-worth is reaffirmed. However, the root cause of jealousy is the failure to recognize that every individual is an independent entity. From birth to adulthood, individuals grow up in different situations and environments, becoming independent. They develop their own values, concepts of right and wrong, and worldviews. Therefore, where is the real comparison?

The reason for the prevalence of jealousy in our lives is that we tend to seek external validation and fail to recognize the intrinsic value of our own contributions. We are susceptible to external influences and changes in our environment. The success of a colleague may be attributed to their efforts and management skills, which are commendable. However, it is essential to acknowledge the role and contributions of the original poster in achieving a positive outcome.

Do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to others? Or are you striving to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationship with your partner?

Best of luck, and I hope you are able to persevere.