26-year-old male, just discharged from the army, suffering endless pain and torture every moment, consciousness is scattered

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. I understand your pain.

One the one hand, it comes from childhood trauma brought on by your family of origin. Your mother's over-indulgent love made you feel inferior, and your father's reputation made you feel ashamed and without dignity.

On the other hand, the pressure of finding a job after leaving the army, combined with the belief that you are an introvert with no advantages in either your profession or your personal qualities, has reactivated your inner inferiority complex. You feel that there is no hope in life and are extremely desperate.

Let's give you a warm hug and take a look at the problem together.

Everyone feels inferior at times, but if you have the courage to be disliked,

I can really relate to how you're feeling. It's true that your family of origin has had a big impact on you, especially some of the negative influences. For example, your father's violent temper and lack of regard for his own dignity, and your mother's weakness and toxic motherly love.

As our "significant others," parents provide the psychological nourishment we need to grow up healthy in body and mind, such as a sense of security, independence, a sense of worth, the ability to love, and the ability to connect with others. In particular, the first three of these are completely absent from parents.

So, if you don't feel good about yourself, you'll probably feel like you're not good enough. You'll doubt yourself, deny your abilities, and feel like you have no reason to get excited about life or have any hope for the future.

A certain inferiority complex can be a driving force that pushes us forward and helps us improve ourselves. If you're too hard on yourself, you'll lose your enthusiasm and confidence.

When we were young, we didn't have the full capacity to judge, to "rebel," or to exercise our independence. Over time, criticism, accusations, and rejections from our parents became internalized as our subjective evaluation of ourselves.

Fortunately, you're now an adult, having gone through the trials and tribulations of the army. All that your family has forced upon you will forever be in the past.

You are your own best support system. You can become your significant other and give yourself the psychological nourishment you need.

2. Take the reins in your own life and live your best life.

We can't change what happened in the past, but we can change how we think about it. Here's a classic story to share with you:

A father who was an alcoholic gave birth to twin sons. One is a well-known local lawyer, while the other is a well-known local drunkard. The reporter is curious as to why children born into the same family environment and with the same parents can be so different.

When the reporter spoke with the two brothers, the elder brother said, "I have an alcoholic father. What can I do? I can only change my fate on my own."

My younger brother said, "I have an alcoholic father. What can I do? I can only copy my father's life."

When we were younger, we didn't have many options, and we were kind of stuck with our parents. Now, you have more choices, and you've mentally separated yourself from your parents. That was their life, not yours.

The shackles of fate that were once forced upon you now have enough strength and energy for you to break free and start your own beautiful life. You're 26 years old, male, and your life has only just begun.

If you want to make a change, you have to be willing to put in the work. The simplest way to do this is to focus on what you have and be grateful for it.

For instance, your parents gave you life and good health; they sent you to the army to gain experience and then to university.

There are lots of kids in the world who have lost their parents, can't afford to go to university, and have even been denied the right to live and get an education.

It's important to remember that human energy is constant. Complaining and being pessimistic will only lead to more of the same, while being grateful and optimistic will help you gain control of your life.

Parents are our original family, but we are our children's original family. Take some time to summarize, reflect, and gain your own growth from this relationship with your parents.

This is also the precious gift that parents give you in life.

You can read and study more, and connect with people who have positive energy. An optimized circle of friends can also help you make changes.

I hope this was helpful for you. The world and I love you.

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