33-year-old married woman, how to completely eliminate the awareness instilled by parents since childhood?

Greetings, host.

In light of the aforementioned confusion, it can be surmised that the individual in question is seeking a sense of self-affirmation. This is evidenced by the question of which aspect of the self is genuinely representative of the self.

1) Is the enjoyment derived from one's domestic environment a personal indulgence?

2) Do you experience feelings of envy towards friends who are in gainful employment?

Indeed, these are all matters pertaining to the self.

As posited by psychologist Maslow, human needs can be divided into five levels: physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love, respect needs, and self-actualization. Needs are formed and satisfied in a hierarchical manner, with lower-order needs being satisfied before higher-order needs.

[Your inner needs have been met]

A financial foundation is necessary for independent living, and one's spouse provides domestic support following marriage. It is assumed that physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love, and respect needs are already met through one's spouse.

The remainder of your self-fulfillment, it is presumed, has been obtained within the domestic sphere, encompassing responsibilities such as familial care, reading, and learning.

The envy of one's friends' circumstances may indicate the presence of unmet needs.

It is notable that friends rarely exhibit a change in emotional state when transitioning from a period of non-employment to one of gainful employment.

Such sentiments are not uncommon and are, in fact, a normal part of the human experience.

The emotion of jealousy arises from the fact that, at a fundamental level, an individual also desires the situation in question. Indeed, engaging in paid employment can provide a sense of belonging and self-realisation that differs from that experienced within the family unit.

[Regarding the question of whether to work]

Each individual is a product of their family of origin and society. It can be argued that no thoughts are entirely original.

Parents often perceive that girls who do not work appear to be content, yet they also seem uncertain of themselves.

One might posit that if one does not work, one is currently content, yet one may also be concerned about the future. However, this has not been mentioned.

Given the lack of a unified answer in society regarding the question of whether to work or not, there is no need to engage in discourse about the elimination of either option. Life is inherently dynamic, and individuals' perspectives evolve with age.

[Original Family Thinking]

The family of origin exerts a profound influence on an individual for many years. However, as one begins to develop a sense of identity and autonomy, this influence tends to wane.

The thinking of one's parents and one's original family serves merely as a point of reference. This is because one has gradually come to recognize that these individuals are not infallible and that one need not adhere to superstitious beliefs. Consequently, once one begins to think independently, one assumes responsibility for oneself.

The influence of the new family unit on one's thought processes will also manifest after marriage. However, the onus of responsibility for one's actions and beliefs remains with the individual.

The process of self-discovery is now underway, and it is a positive and encouraging phenomenon.

My name is Amy, and I extend my best wishes to you.

Good day. My name is Strawberry.

In light of your disclosures and grievances, I extend a supportive embrace. During our formative years, we often assumed that we could evade our parents' involvement once we reached adulthood. I had not anticipated that I would still experience some degree of influence even after marriage.

The questioner indicated that her husband is supportive of her decision not to work. Given that your family's finances are considered to be favorable, the decision regarding whether the questioner wishes to work after marriage is entirely at her discretion. The opinions of her parents regarding her future career path are likely influenced by their own personal preferences and expectations.

The projection effect refers to the tendency to attribute one's own characteristics to others. When forming an impression of others, it is believed that others possess similar characteristics to oneself. This is a cognitive barrier that projects one's own feelings, will, and characteristics onto others and imposes them on others, i.e., the cognitive barrier of applying oneself to others.

For example, an individual with a kind disposition will assume that all people are similarly kindhearted; conversely, an individual who is constantly scheming against others will feel that others are also scheming against him.

As a result of their parental status, the questioner is unable to disregard the opinions of their parents entirely. Despite a sense of contentment with their own lifestyle, the influence of their parents' ideas leaves them susceptible to feelings of envy towards a friend in close proximity.

First, it is essential to differentiate between one's internal emotional states.

The life the questioner aspires to is the life she has currently structured for herself. The assertion that one feels jealous of one's friend's life is not, in this author's opinion, an accurate characterization of the emotion. Rather, it seems to be a manifestation of fear and trepidation. The underlying concern is that one's friend's actions may serve to validate the opinions of one's parents while simultaneously invalidating one's own beliefs.

It is a fallacy to assume that women must work after marriage and be financially independent in order to be happy. The fact is that every family maintains relationships in different ways and has different modes of getting along. Therefore, it would be prudent to avoid being unduly influenced by the toxic narrative that women must be financially independent after marriage and deny their own aspirations.

2. It is imperative to be resolute in one's decision.

The advice provided by one's parents is a form of guidance, yet the trajectory of one's life is ultimately one's own. It is essential to navigate life at one's own pace. Ultimately, the counsel provided by one's parents can be seen as a form of comparison mentality. They believe that if they lived their lives a certain way when they were one's age, then one should live one's life that way too. Otherwise, one will perpetually await opportunities and then use various factors to justify one's skepticism of their parents' words. This is a form of control desire. One can avoid being bound by this control desire only if one adheres to one's own choices.

3. Adhere to a belief in one's own capabilities.

The original poster (OP) enjoys the rhythm of her life, but due to external influences, she begins to question the suitability of her chosen course of action. Will she truly face adverse consequences if she proceeds with this decision?

This is analogous to a fortune teller who predicted the breakage of a purchased bowl, prompting the individual to persistently gaze at the bowl in an attempt to observe the event. Upon the bowl's actual breakage, the individual attributed the occurrence to the fortune teller's accuracy. This phenomenon can be classified as self-suggestion, characterized by an excessive concern about external opinions.

It is imperative to take control of one's own life and resist the influence of external factors that may impede one's sense of self-assurance. Even if the individual in question is a close relative, it is crucial to demonstrate to them through tangible actions that not everyone should adhere to the same set of expectations.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the question. Wishing you the best.

Hello!

Host:

The poster wants to get rid of the influence of their family of origin. They also sought help on the platform. This will help them understand themselves better and meet a better self.

Next, I'll share my thoughts from the post. They might help the host see himself differently.

1. Accept yourself.

The poster believes everything is not yet over and is affected by her original family, which makes her feel distressed. I understand the poster.

You know why you're suffering. You can't accept yourself.

Does the host have an ideal self?

This ideal self is someone who has broken free from the influence of the original family and is in a very good state. When the current self fails to live up to this ideal, we resent it and become distressed.

We should have some expectations of ourselves, but we need to learn to adjust the gap between our ideal and real selves.

If there's a big gap between where we are and where we want to be, we should accept the current situation. This helps us not to criticize ourselves, conserve energy, and focus on the present. The theory of small steps can help us make progress. Accepting our current imperfect selves is a form of self-trust. We believe in ourselves and believe that we are slowly becoming our best selves.

2. Learn to review your own growth from an adult perspective.

The original poster mentioned some views of their parents on raising them in the original family. They don't agree with them.

The original poster wants to get rid of this view.

If you can't sleep, trying to sleep makes it worse. Sometimes when we're anxious, we can't escape a situation.

The original poster needs to gain knowledge and understanding of himself. New ideas may emerge.

The host can look at their own growth experience to see which beliefs are unreasonable and learn to look at things from different perspectives.

Look at how your parents raised you from a pluralistic and open-minded perspective. Then, look at these concepts objectively and adjust them if necessary.

3. Think about how you see yourself.

We realize that our parents did and said some things that were unreasonable. We need to make adjustments and change the part of their comments about us that are unreasonable. This helps us build up our self-evaluation.

There's a story about a girl who grew up in a family that favored boys. Her father and grandparents favored her younger brother. She was able to recognize this objectively.

Tell yourself that your grandparents and father are better to your younger brother. This is an objective fact, but it is not my problem.

It's not your problem. Love yourself!

This story is about leaving your family. I hope it helps.

I'm a coach at Yi Xin Li.

Hello, original poster. You don't work after getting married, and your husband supports you. You should have been doing well these past few years, having your own time to do the things you want to do, and I can tell you love your life. But this "good state" and "good attitude" seem to change with the change of a friend?

You might want to ask yourself what you're jealous of her for and how you really feel about her "good shape."

Why do you think going to work makes her happy? If this friend really lives an unsatisfactory life when she is not working and finds a better version of herself through work, it's a very normal choice. It's only natural for people to pursue a better life.

It's possible that this friend envies your situation. Not working doesn't mean doing nothing and enjoying yourself without contributing. I believe you may be busier and more fulfilled than if you were working. Everyone's family situation, stage of development, personal characteristics, etc. are different, which is why there are so many different ways to live life.

Regarding your parents' views, you might want to ask yourself whether you've been happy and fulfilled in the past few years when you haven't been working. Have you ever felt lost? People can only be references, a mirror for each other, but there is no comparison.

The invisible enemy is the scariest thing of all, so have a chat with yourself. You'll find the answer.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I believe I can sense your inner distress, irritability, and depression from your description.

After getting married, you and your parents had a difference of opinion regarding whether to work or not.

You may sometimes feel a bit inferior, especially when you see a friend who didn't work before and has become better off after starting to work.

You may feel that your inferiority complex is influenced by your parents' views and that you have not yet fully broken free from their way of thinking.

I can understand how you feel. You have always striven to be true to yourself and to forge your own path, yet you find that the more you resist your parents' views, the more challenging it becomes.

It's important to remember that there is no absolute right or wrong in this world.

It's understandable that parents often have their own views on the matter of work, and that children may also have their own views on the subject.

For instance, your parents may believe that not working results in a lack of income, status, and a tendency to become disconnected from society. They may also hold the view that people who don't work are inferior to those who do.

You believe you are doing well, that you have been following your own path and acting in a way you feel is right. However, your parents may have a different view.

It might be helpful to remember that there are no absolute right or wrongs in this world. As long as you feel comfortable with your decision, there is no problem.

It's important to remember that everyone has a different perspective and way of understanding things. Just because someone has a different opinion, it doesn't mean their views are wrong.

It might be helpful to try to face your true thoughts.

When you see your friends who didn't work before, you usually don't feel any particular connection to them. But when you see that they are doing well after starting to work, you find that you don't want to contact them or even hear their voices as much. You wonder if perhaps you are jealous of them.

From what you say, it seems that you have always loved life, taken care of the people around you, read and studied, thought independently, done what you wanted to do, and have had a good time. It would be understandable if you felt you were in a great state.

It might be helpful to try to be aware of why you feel jealous. Could it be that your parents' views are influencing you, or might you be dissatisfied with your current situation and hoping for change?

Perhaps the best way to be true to yourself is to try to see and face your innermost thoughts.

I wonder if you might consider the question of whether you can truly be responsible for your own life.

If you believe in your own choices, you may find that you are less concerned with the opinions of others, including your parents.

Regarding the matter of going to work, you say that your husband agrees while your parents oppose it, which has led to some frustration on your part.

Could it be that you still care a great deal about what others think about this matter? Do you feel the need to have others justify your choice? And when someone expresses a different opinion, do you find yourself doubting your own judgment?

Perhaps it would be helpful to remember that you don't yet have the ability to take independent responsibility for your own life.

No matter what the matter is, you have the option of following your heart. However, it is also important to consider your heart's desires and to face them with courage.

It would be beneficial to respect the views of your elders, consider your own circumstances, and then make your own decision independently. I believe this approach will allow you to view issues more comprehensively and objectively, and also make you more rigorous and stable.

I wish you the best!

Hello, questioner!

After reading your question, I get the sense that you're also feeling a bit confused, with some self-blame and confusion.

Let's take a step back and think about what you're thinking.

Reality: You're currently not working, and your partner is supporting you. You're taking care of your family, studying, and reading to improve yourself, and you feel pretty fulfilled.

But your parents are worried about you. They're afraid that if you don't earn money, your family's status will be low in the future. Your thoughts: You think this is a sign of your parents' disapproval of you. Based on your reflection on past events, you think your parents have always forced their own consciousness on you.

Reality: A friend of yours used to not work either, but now she's doing well. Your thoughts: You're jealous of her good situation, doubt your decision not to work, and feel dissatisfied with yourself. You think that all your previous learning has been useless and feel like you've gone back to square one.

From what I've said, it seems like you're unsure of your goals. You don't agree with your decision and are confused, and you're denying yourself.

I just wanted to remind you to be aware of the following:

1. Is your decision not to work and take care of your family really about identifying with your lifestyle? Or is it more about rebelling against your parents?

2. Is your girlfriend's good fortune making you jealous because you don't want to go to work like your parents want you to?

3. What does "good" mean to you? At this point, you should ask yourself what you think is a "good" state.

What do you need to do now to achieve this "good" state?

Once you've got it all sorted, spend some time on your own, as if you were a stranger standing next to you. Reflect on your current life. You've grown up and have the right to choose the lifestyle you want! Just as you described it: you don't work, you still have your husband's recognition and respect, you can take care of your family and yourself well, and you are spiritually fulfilled.

Take a moment to ask yourself if you're truly enjoying this quiet state of mind. If so, then go ahead and enjoy it!

Sometimes, what our parents say may not be wrong, but it may not be what we want! When we don't understand ourselves and don't know ourselves, we'll never know what we want.

We also like to define ourselves by the opinions and perceptions of others, which is a terrible thing! We must be clear about what we like, what we need, and what will truly make us happy!

It's important to be clear about what our hearts are telling us and to connect with our hearts, rather than just focusing on the thoughts in our minds.

Our minds have been flooded with too much unnecessary information from our parents and society at large. It's not helpful to ask your mind for ideas; you need to ask your heart.

The method is simple: just take some time to yourself, relax, and observe your thoughts. Look out for any "shoulds" and "should-nots" that come up.

And figure out which one you really want!

I hope my reply will be helpful and give you some ideas!

Your parents have some traditional ideas, and you are now thirty years old. You can absolutely have your own ideas! You are already married, so you can talk to your husband about whether or not to work.

If your husband is on board with you becoming a full-time housewife and you're cool with it, then why not? Housewife is a totally respectable profession! It just depends on how you think about it.

Your parents' opposition may be due to the fact that they feel that not working will result in no income, no status, and a disconnect from society, which will make you even more inferior and make them feel that you shouldn't do this. But you still have a lot to do, and you think you can still maintain your financial independence!

You have a great life! Your parents may feel that you could be doing better, but you're doing great! It's important to listen to your parents, but don't let them influence you too much. Your friend is an amazing person, and you admire her. Your parents' words may have influenced you a bit, but you're doing great!

There are so many possibilities when it comes to working or not working! No one can have a perfect life, but that's okay. If you don't work and have a lot of money and social status at the same time, I believe many people would choose not to work. This is an almost inevitable result. Many people envy your life, and at the same time, you will also envy the lives of other people. This is a cycle. I recommend that you take the necessary psychological test to understand the way to solve your inner inferiority. I wish you well!

ZQ?