A 12-year-old boy, introverted by nature, suddenly doesn't want to go to school. How can you communicate with him?

Hello, landlord. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

It is becoming increasingly clear that a growing number of adolescents are experiencing school-related emotions of disgust at the age of 12, during puberty. Why is this?

The main reasons are as follows:

1. As learning pressure increases, children feel overwhelmed. They are also influenced by the times and feel that learning is not the only way out, so they choose to escape.

2. Many classmates drop out of school and go out to work, influenced by their peers, and they are also doing well.

3. They are hurt when they are called to the teacher's office for academic reasons. For example, they may be suspended from school, and the teacher asks the parents to deal with the child's problems.

The most important reason is that children simply don't understand why they're learning.

They think about it every day: what is the point of studying? If they find studying boring, they will go and do something more interesting.

As parents, we must help our children explore the reasons behind studying and the kind of person they want to become.

You must set goals and aspirations.

Confucius aspired to become a sage at the age of 15, and Wang Yangming began to aspire to do so at the age of 12. When they ignite their inner passion for learning, they forge ahead with determination.

Zeng Guofan said, "If you have aspirations, you will never be content to be lowly." He meant that a person with aspirations will never settle for a life of low status.

A child determined to get into Tsinghua University will study hard to get in. He knows exactly what kind of person he wants to become and won't let anyone tell him to go play. He's focused on his dream.

Wang Yangming was clear: "Without ambition, nothing can be accomplished in the world." It's simple. If you don't have ambition, you won't accomplish anything.

If you don't reach for the stars, you won't achieve knowledge or wisdom.

Ambition is important, just like a seed. It needs its own internal strength to break through the soil, regardless of how much external force is applied.

It is therefore essential to stimulate the child's internal motivation to learn. Only when this is done can external forces such as tutoring classes and learning methods play a role. If we fail to find the child's internal motivation, he simply will not understand the purpose of his studies. In that case, our external persuasion and pressure will be ineffective and may even have the opposite effect.

You need to find your child's dream and enhance his motivation to learn.

This is the inner voice of an adolescent.

"I need to feel loved and valued. I may seem stupid to others, but I know I'm not. I need someone to believe in me because I don't always believe in myself. I feel like shit. I know I'm smart, pretty, and good enough."

I am capable of taking on the whole world. I am worthy of being liked by everyone. I am strong-willed and passionate about everything. I need someone to listen to me without criticism. When I fail, lose a friend, or get a bad test grade, I know I can get through it. I need someone to love and protect me, someone I can cry to without being made fun of. I need someone to be there for me and tell me when I need to stop.

"I don't need lectures, nagging, or reminders of past mistakes. I know my mistakes and feel guilty about them. What I need is for you to be with me, communicate sincerely, accept and understand me, and then I can trust you."

As a parent, you must understand and recognize your child's behavior to influence them. Help them find enthusiasm for learning and tell them how to improve their academic performance.

You can do the following:

1. Let go of control.

Let me be clear: after a child enters adolescence, parental control is not useful. Why? Because with psychological development, the child wants to be independent. They don't want to be controlled by parents. They're more influenced by outside influences.

2. Find a role model for your child and let that person become a driving force for your child's learning.

You cannot control or persuade your child. You need to find a good, mature role model who can give your child good guidance. It can be someone close to them that they admire, a peer, or a historical figure.

Bandura's social learning theory states that observational learning, or imitation learning, is an important learning channel for children in childhood and adolescence. It is therefore crucial for children to look up to role models. Adolescents often face difficulties that parents and teachers cannot easily resolve. During this period, it is vital for them to find a role model in society.

When I was young, I always admired my aunt, who was a professor at Central South University. After graduating from university, she stayed on to teach. I worked very hard to become like her and I succeeded. I am now a university teacher.

However, I chose to pursue a different path due to practical considerations. I became a psychological counselor because I saw that many of them were effectively helping others while also leading happy lives. I continued to learn the theoretical knowledge of psychology, engage in practice and personal growth, and continue to work hard towards new goals.

I am always motivated to learn, no matter what stage of life I'm at. I know where I'm going and why I'm learning.

3. Help your child set appropriate learning goals and boost their confidence.

The child is disinterested in learning because he cannot keep up with the pace of learning and has been repeatedly frustrated in his studies. This has led to a lack of confidence in learning.

We can help our children develop a study plan that suits them and set learning goals. The goals must be challenging but achievable. If they are too easy, children will not see the value in trying. If they are too difficult, children will become discouraged.

Research proves that only moderately challenging goals motivate learning the most. In other words, goals that can be reached by standing on tiptoe are the best.

If someone is currently walking 5,000 steps a day, setting a goal of 10,000 or 4,000 steps is not appropriate. The goal should be around 5,500–6,000 steps. Once they have stabilized at around 6,000 steps, they can continue to improve.

Learning is the same. It is also a gradual process.

You can assess his level of learning, English, math, Chinese, etc. Then, divide the total learning tasks equally into each day. Have her make a daily study list. It should include things like memorizing 10 words in English, doing a math worksheet, and memorizing a poem in Chinese. Have him complete these learning tasks step by step every day.

Check off each completed task and let her affirm her own efforts. When she can do it consistently, encourage and praise her. After a period of time, give her a bigger reward, such as going out for a big meal.

This is the best way to arouse your child's interest in learning while building up his confidence. Through hard work, his learning ability will improve, and the goals can be adjusted again.

This is just a reference. I'm sure it will help. Best wishes.

Hello, question asker!

In your description, you mentioned that you asked him why he didn't want to go and he said there was no reason. As a parent, did you notice anything wrong with that answer? A 12-year-old boy should just be starting his first year of junior high school, right?

Is he struggling to adjust to the new environment? Is he facing difficulties with his studies and seeing a decline in his grades?

Or is there still the fear of being bullied at school?

A 12-year-old boy is at the beginning of puberty and is going through a lot of physical and mental changes. This is a time when parents need to pay more attention and understand their child. If your child is more introverted, parents should try to get them to express their inner thoughts so that they feel understood and cared about. This will help them to open up.

I've put together a few suggestions for you:

First, find out what's going on at school by talking to the teacher and classmates. Then, talk to the teacher about your child's behavior at home. You might find out why your child doesn't want to go to school.

During the period when the child is not going to school, there should also be a plan at home. It's important to make the child understand that staying at home also means being subject to constraints and taking on corresponding responsibilities. For example, there should be limits on the time spent getting up and going to bed, on the use of electronic products, on eating snacks, and on doing housework. The child should not be allowed to do whatever it wants, and it should not be made to feel that only studying is subject to constraints and pressure. Staying at home also means being subject to constraints and taking on corresponding consequences.

Kids are vulnerable at this age, so it's important for parents to understand and be there for them. They shouldn't blame or indulge them, but guide them gently so they can accept the right ideas.

It's important to remember that this kind of behavior in children doesn't develop overnight. They've likely been struggling with it for a long time, so parents need to be patient and supportive as they work to make changes.

If parents make the most of this chance, they can turn negatives into positives and help their kids grow up healthy! So, parents' efforts are definitely worth it.

Wishing you the best!