Good day, host.
It is reasonable to conclude that you are the child's mother. It is understandable that you experience anxiety. Even in the absence of a conflict between you and your child, and even if your child has a more positive parent-child relationship with you than many families, and even if there are frequent conflicts between father and son in the family environment, and even if there are physical conflicts, you will still experience tension and pressure in their parent-child relationship from time to time.
As a woman, you are physically weaker than your husband, and you have very little influence over the situation in the face of their fierce conflict. You will feel very helpless and worried that they will repeatedly clash in the future, which will have a greater adverse impact on the child. This sense of being unable to control the situation and the relationship between father and son will indeed trigger increasing anxiety.
The lack of information regarding the specific events that have transpired, the quality of the father-son relationship, the dynamics between the father and the child, and the relationship between the father and the child's father makes it challenging to ascertain the underlying cause of the strained relationship between the father and the child, which has led to this conflict. Consequently, it is not possible to provide a definitive response to the question of "what should I do?" Instead, a series of actionable methods will be presented for consideration. The text is relatively lengthy, so it will be divided into two parts, with the second part being published tomorrow. It is hoped that the original poster will take the time to read it in its entirety.
This section of the assignment is to be completed by the father.
It is recommended that the child's father attempt to recall past conflicts with the child when circumstances allow. He should endeavor to become aware of his feelings during these conflicts, particularly his emotional fluctuations, and investigate the underlying psychological needs that may be influencing his emotions.
The rationale behind this suggestion is that emotions, particularly negative ones, are often indicative of underlying needs. It can be argued that negative emotions are a manifestation of unmet needs. Therefore, the initial step is to become aware of one's emotions and identify the needs that may be influencing them. The second step involves creating space in one's mind to observe the child's emotions and needs. The third step is to make a decision that considers the needs of both parties. When the needs of the two are in conflict, it may be necessary to prioritize the needs of one over the other, or to find a balance between them through compromise or creative solutions.
To illustrate, the father and son recently engaged in a verbal altercation over a relatively inconsequential issue. In recalling this event, the father may have experienced a sense of anger. Anger is an emotion that the father is capable of perceiving within himself.
It seems reasonable to posit that the following scenario is likely to unfold: the father believes that a particular action on the part of the child is inappropriate or wrong, and therefore requests that the child comply with his wishes. However, the child is reluctant to do so. The father is reluctant to concede, as he feels that allowing the child to do as they please would be detrimental to their upbringing. As a result, the two parties remain at odds, engaging in increasingly intense verbal and emotional confrontations until the situation reaches a physical altercation.
If this is indeed the case, at that particular point in time, the father may have experienced a sense of injustice. This is because, in your initial query, you indicated that the child does not value or express gratitude for the father's efforts, regardless of the circumstances. Despite the father's dedication and hard work, the child fails to reciprocate with any form of appreciation.
It is one thing if they are not grateful; it is another if they refuse to admit their mistakes and listen to their parents. It is one thing if they refuse to listen to their parents and admit their mistakes; it is quite another if they go against their parents and insist on their wrongdoings, which is the antithesis of being grateful.
This sense of grievance will intensify the emotional state of the father, leading him to perceive the child as ungrateful and acting out. This perception will further exacerbate his anger.
In addition, it seems plausible to suggest that another significant factor contributing to the intensity of the conflict between the father and child in this instance was the frequency with which the father and child disagreed on the child's behaviour. It is likely that the father would disapprove of the child's actions, demand that the child correct them, and that the child would resist complying with the father's requests. This dynamic of disagreement, conflict and confrontation between the two parties is not uncommon and can persist for an extended period. It is therefore reasonable to conclude that the incident in question was not an isolated occurrence. Furthermore, it is likely that the intensity of the conflict was not trivial and that it involved the use of harsh language.
It would be interesting to ascertain whether the duration in question could be measured in years.
If this is indeed the case, it is probable that the anger that precipitated the altercation between the father and child was exacerbated by the accumulation of anger from previous conflicts. This hypothesis is based on the assertion that the precipitating factor in the current incident was a trivial matter.
This is because emotional fluctuations are, in fact, a person's psychological energy. When negative emotions are experienced, this energy does not simply dissipate. Instead, it is necessary to find a way to process it effectively. For instance, if anger is felt, releasing it is a means of dealing with this energy. By allowing the energy of anger to flow out, it is possible to regain composure and continue to focus on desired activities.
If we are unable to comprehend or properly discharge negative emotions, they can only be suppressed, for instance, by tolerating them. If we are persistently confronted with stimuli that elicit anger and we suppress this anger, the energy of anger will continue to accumulate.
If a person is considered a container of emotions, then this container also has a limited capacity. If it accumulates too much and the container can no longer hold it, it will naturally burst, so trivial matters become the fuse that ignites anger. Alternatively, one might posit that the father in question was already a volatile individual long before the child's actions, and it is unlikely that the child intended to upset the father for no reason. However, the child's actions may have inadvertently triggered a larger emotional response in the father, resulting in a negative reaction.
However, the child unintentionally triggered a volatile situation and was consequently subjected to its consequences.
By engaging in this process of self-reflection and emotional analysis, one may gain insight into the underlying needs that drive their emotions. For instance, an individual may recognize that they require appreciation from their child and a certain degree of compliance with their expectations.
It seems reasonable to posit that the majority of fathers are not concerned with whether their children express appreciation for their actions. It may be that they engage in such actions not because they seek appreciation, but because they are driven by a genuine love for their children.
It can be posited that the fundamental need of the father is for obedience from his child.
The relationship between the father's emotions and his needs also became more apparent: the child's refusal to obey resulted in the father's needs going unmet, which subsequently led to his anger.
The aforementioned analysis is incomplete and will be continued in tomorrow's session.
The world and I love you.
Comments
I can see how distressing this situation is. It's really tough to witness such conflict between a father and son. Healing this relationship will take time and effort from both sides, but it's important for the child's wellbeing that they try to understand each other better.
This sounds incredibly challenging. Maybe seeking guidance from a family counselor could offer some support and strategies to improve communication and rebuild trust between them.
It's heartbreaking to hear about their strained relationship. Encouraging open conversations where both parties can express their feelings in a safe environment might be a step forward. Patience and empathy are key here.
It's worrying when children feel so disconnected from their parents. Perhaps involving a neutral third party like a mediator or therapist can help facilitate healthier interactions and address underlying issues more effectively.
The desire of the child to distance himself from his father reflects deepseated pain. Finding a way to bridge their differences and foster mutual respect is crucial. Supporting the boy while guiding the father towards more constructive behaviors could be beneficial.