A 15-year-old freshman girl struggles with self-discipline and hasn't adapted to high school life yet, what should be done?

Greetings,

The host

A careful reading of the post reveals the presence of anxiety in the author. Additionally, it is evident that the author has engaged in introspection and sought assistance on the platform, a process that will undoubtedly facilitate a deeper understanding of the self and facilitate necessary adjustments.

I will now proceed to share my observations and thoughts in the aforementioned post, which may prove beneficial to the original poster in gaining a more nuanced understanding of themselves.

1. Confront your emotions

As evidenced in the original post, the individual in question has transitioned from junior high school to high school, accompanied by the departure of numerous familiar figures from their junior high school environment. The dissolution of these relationships often evokes a sense of loss and sadness.

If one fails to acknowledge and express one's sadness in a constructive manner, it may persist, causing distress. To alleviate this distress, engaging in leisure activities, such as playing with one's mobile phone, may be an effective coping strategy.

It can serve as a temporary distraction from one's distress.

Furthermore, the learning styles of high school and junior high school remain distinct. Initially, the atmosphere becomes increasingly tense, accompanied by a rise in competitive pressures.

Such circumstances may evoke feelings of anxiety and restlessness. To alleviate this restlessness, individuals may engage in activities such as using their mobile phones, which allows them to temporarily disengage from the situation.

However, these emotions have consistently existed, and if they are not addressed in a rational manner, they will persistently influence one's actions. Consequently, it is not possible to refrain from engaging in activities that involve the use of one's mobile phone.

2. Expressing one's emotions in a reasonable manner

It is essential to express one's emotions in a reasonable manner and to acknowledge them. When emotions are expressed in a reasonable manner and acknowledged, they often result in a sense of relief.

The question thus arises as to how one might express one's emotions in a reasonable manner. In the case of sadness caused by the departure of familiar junior high school classmates,

One might posit that it would be beneficial to attempt to bid farewell to the past.

It is recommended that you use a diary to express your feelings and then reassure yourself that you should move on from the past and embrace a new phase of life. Furthermore, it is important to recognise that these familiar classmates have not abandoned you, as you are all striving for personal growth and success.

It can be reasonably asserted that one is not alone on the road to hard work.

One should endeavor to bid farewell to one's past and draw a definitive line between it and the present.

Furthermore, when confronted with the stressors associated with high school life and competition, it is beneficial to utilize a diary to express one's feelings after becoming aware of feelings of unease. In many instances, after recording these feelings in a sincere and comprehensive manner, the anxiety will gradually dissipate.

At this juncture, it may be beneficial to put down the phone and engage in serious study. Similarly, when anxiety arises, listening to music after class can help to relax the body.

It is important to recognize that our bodies are a reflection of our emotions. Relaxing our bodies can help to alleviate emotional distress.

3. It is acceptable to proceed at a gradual pace.

From the post, it is evident that the author is eager to alter their current circumstances. However, it may not be feasible for the author to expect a complete transformation within a short timeframe.

The host may wish to consider accepting their current state and initiating incremental changes that can be achieved in the immediate term. For instance, if they are unable to refrain from picking up their phone, they could attempt to put it down once today.

Upon completion of the task, offer yourself a gesture of encouragement. The following day, attempt to put down your phone twice. When you have accomplished this, bestow upon yourself the desired reward.

By employing this approach, one can gradually build up their own strength and capacity until they are able to completely disengage from their mobile devices. This method of change may be perceived as somewhat more gradual, but if we set our goals too high and fail to achieve them, we may become discouraged and conclude that we are unable to succeed.

It is acceptable to proceed at a gradual pace when addressing certain internal issues. Allowing oneself sufficient time and space for growth is beneficial.

It is also evident that there is a common misconception that self-discipline equates to acting in accordance with external expectations at all times. However, this is a challenging aspect to achieve. The majority of individuals tend to exhibit intermittent patterns of behaviour, oscillating between periods of exertion and inactivity.

The term "self-discipline" is understood to imply a reliance on oneself, a commitment to work according to one's own internal standards, and a gradual growth process. The original poster may commence according to their specific circumstances and determine the most suitable approach.

4. It is advisable to seek support.

In the aforementioned post, the author indicated that he is 15 years of age and in his inaugural year of secondary education. During this developmental stage, individuals may not possess the requisite capacity and resources to effectively address the challenges they encounter.

It is important to note that assistance is still available. One may seek help from parents, teachers, or classmates.

It is recommended that they provide supervision or facilitate discussion regarding a viable solution. However, it is of paramount importance that they offer support and care.

Such an approach may assist the original poster in more effectively navigating their challenges.

Ultimately, it is my hope that these remarks will prove beneficial to the individual in question. I am a psychological coach, Zeng Chen.

Willpower is the energy that allows the body to obey the mind. The body's attitude is either like or dislike. It takes willpower to make the body do something it dislikes. The more severe the dislike, the greater the consumption of willpower.

The body's attitude towards an action comes from feedback. Positive feedback makes us empathise, while negative feedback makes us avoid. This happens without us thinking about it, and the body uses signals such as emotions and hormones to make decisions.

You want to do well in school, so you study hard. You want to do well, but studying hard takes willpower.

This action didn't give you what you wanted. You didn't enjoy it, and it didn't work out. So your body didn't feel good during the whole process. When you try to do this again, you'll need more willpower.

You can only use your willpower to do one thing at a time. If you don't have enough willpower to do what you think you should do, you'll avoid it.

If you feel guilty, your body will resent it. This makes it harder to get positive feedback.

Start with micro-habits. Here's a rough path:

First, define your current rank as someone who only plays with their phone 24 hours a day. If one day they actually study for five minutes, that's a big improvement. Success and failure are relative. You think copying homework is wrong, but for someone who hasn't turned in homework for months, being willing to start copying is also motivated.

Define your current rank as extremely poor. Being unbeaten is important because it affects how hard it will be to start this task in the future.

List all your tasks and sort them from difficult to easy. Start with the simplest task and complete it.

The inverse order is important. It's like climbing a mountain. The conscious mind sees it as easy to difficult. The subconscious mind sees it as difficult to easy.

Next, set tasks for the next half month. Set the target quantity as the amount you can complete when you are at your worst. For example, if you can just barely finish copying your homework, set the target quantity as finishing copying your homework. Complete the target quantity every day. If you have any spare energy, you can do whatever you like. After half a month, review it. Only adjust the target quantity if you find that it was too easy even when you were at your worst.

Don't let yourself fail. Failure is not reality; it's a relative concept. Reality changes slowly, but standards change every minute. Adjust the standard to keep yourself invincible.

If you think this level of ambition is pointless, think about when you've set a high goal and succeeded. We want realistic results.

Hello!

Luckily, I can give you some advice.

From what you've said, I get the feeling you're looking to make some changes. It seems like you're struggling to adapt to the high school environment because your usual routine has been disrupted.

And in high school, you'll also face a lot of competition in your studies, which will make you feel very stressed and unable to find a way to relieve the pressure. So you're not sure what to do to relieve your emotions and heal your heart.

It's clear you're a sentimental person who doesn't want a lot of changes in life. In junior high, you had lots of friends to hang out with. But in high school, all those friends went to other schools, and there were very few left with you.

It seems like they've all made new friends and found a new life, so you feel a little left out and ignored. You might even feel helpless.

In fact, when you're facing your new high school life, I think it's safe to say that everyone will meet different people at different stages. We're all different, with our own unique characteristics.

The fact that you had a lot of good friends in junior high means that you knew each other and appreciated each other, and that's why you became friends. In high school, everything starts from scratch, and everything is unfamiliar, so you're a little overwhelmed and don't know what to do.

Have you ever thought about how those good friends you had in junior high probably started out as strangers and then became friends?

Our relationships with everyone go through a process of becoming unfamiliar, then familiar, and then close.

There's nothing wrong with cherishing friendships, but when we're faced with a new stage and new relationships, it's also important to allow new people to come in and spend a new stage of life with us.

Another reason is that you're not used to your new environment. Many familiar people have left, and there's fierce competition in your studies. This is why you've become slack in your studies. There's a vicious cycle in your daily routine, as well as copying homework and playing with your phone.

In terms of the situation you're currently facing, don't blame yourself. We've already determined that your change in environment and entry into high school is the root cause of these changes in your heart and behaviors.

Then, when we look at our actual situation, we can find ways to change and get through our three years of high school better.

First, I talked about making friends above. We know that at different stages of life, we need to get to know different people, and that this will improve ourselves. Then, we look at issues related to your daily routine.

Your irregular work and rest hours might be related to how you use your phone. It seems like you've given your personal time completely to the phone. You've given up this opportunity to take control of your life because you feel that high school life is uncontrollable in terms of both study and making friends. Instead, you've given your time to the phone.

Spending your day browsing through your phone or playing games on it may seem like a good way to deal with the loneliness you feel from not having any good friends. But the truth is, you'll still feel lonely inside, right?

So, the main thing we need to figure out is how to get rid of loneliness, or how to get back to an extremely positive state by perfecting one's love during the time when one feels lonely.

To achieve this state, we first need to figure out what our true inner passion is. For example, let's say we take looking at the phone.

Once you pick it up, it's hard to put down. So, what do you typically do when you look at your phone?

Do you enjoy reading articles on public accounts? Or do you prefer watching videos and TV series?

Or is there something else going on?

From this, we can see what you like and dislike. Based on these preferences, we can decide if we can love it with all our hearts.

For instance, we enjoy watching TV dramas, but why do we do it? Is it just for entertainment?

Or is the plot really engaging? Or do you genuinely enjoy writing, so that you can have the chance to be adapted into a TV series in the future and be seen by a wider audience?

These kinds of thoughts require you to constantly reflect on them and make a decision. Through our decisions, we find true love. Once we discover the real reason why we like watching TV dramas, we'll still do it in the future when we pick up the phone and open the app to watch TV dramas.

The difference now is that I view it with love, rather than aimlessly. We used to use this time watching TV dramas to improve ourselves, and we successfully transformed this part into our growth.

So even if it doesn't seem like you're studying, you're still learning and growing, so we need to adjust our perspective.

In terms of copying homework, I think it's fair to say that because you play with your phone until late at night, you're unable to complete your homework properly. So, you can only avoid being criticized the next day by copying it.

All of these factors have created a vicious cycle that you're unable to break free from.

If you improve your interpersonal relationships based on what I mentioned above, we'd love for you to join the current crowd. We're all ears, and we're eager to learn more about people who are different from us.

I think you'll make a lot of friends. Once you've made that change, let's think about our attitude towards our mobile phones. Instead of spending all our time on them, let's try to understand what we can get out of each period of time.

I think that once you've made this change, you'll find it easier to adjust your work and rest schedules too. You were already dealing with this issue in a very rational and clear way when you were playing with your phone.

This way, you can gradually adjust your daily routine and plan it. For instance, you can decide if you want to go to bed early and wake up early, or if you want to go to bed at the same time every night.

I think that if you make these changes, you'll find the lifestyle that's right for you, and your high school experience will be even better.

I wish you the best of luck.

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom, and I'll get back to you directly.

One Mind Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Good morning,

You have identified several areas for improvement, including your anxiety, self-blame, and the need for a more structured work and rest schedule. You have also recognized the need to improve your time management, reduce distractions, and limit your phone usage. These are all positive steps towards making changes.

You are aware of your own strengths and weaknesses and are committed to making changes, which is a quality that many people lack. I commend you for taking the initiative to improve yourself.

What is the best way to establish a self-disciplined life and effectively control ourselves?

First, we must identify the source of self-disciplined living.

The majority of individuals believe that self-disciplined living stems from the strength of willpower, enabling them to resist the urge to check their phones or go to sleep at their desired times. However, if this is the case, it is a challenging process.

The exertion of willpower requires the expenditure of brain energy, which is a limited resource. Therefore, if one has to expend a significant amount of energy overall to control oneself, this is not a capability that is within the reach of the average person.

Good habits, such as a routine, are the foundation of self-disciplined living. Establishing a habit of getting up early allows the body clock to regulate wakefulness at the optimal time. Thus, good habits are the key to self-disciplined living.

How can good habits be developed?

It is essential to prioritize gradual progress. It is not feasible to establish all good habits simultaneously. A good routine is the foundation for developing other positive habits. If the routine is irregular, it is challenging to create other habits.

It is essential to establish regular sleep and wake times. Begin by setting an appropriate wake time. If you are unable to go to bed at the desired time due to academic commitments, simply set an appropriate wake time.

It is imperative that you adhere to your designated wake-up time, regardless of how late you may have gone to bed. Attempting to compensate for lost sleep by sleeping in is not a viable solution. Modern nutritional guidelines are sufficient to support our bodies when we sleep for a few hours less than the recommended amount.

If you are concerned about being unable to wake up when your alarm goes off, set multiple alarms and start them a few minutes in advance, then set them off every minute or two. Alarms are also an effective tool. Set your alarm to your favorite music to ensure a positive start to your day (there are other ways to ensure a positive start to your day, so consider these options).

**** Eliminate distractions when developing a habit. For example, plan the next day's outfit the day before, otherwise you may be unable to get out of bed due to uncertainty about what to wear.

**** Set a small goal for yourself. First, adhere to it for 21 days (some studies indicate that 21 days is the minimum time needed to form a habit). Note it on your calendar to provide encouragement. Then, adhere to it for another 21 days.

Emotions also play a significant role in self-discipline. A positive and stable emotional state is conducive to developing good habits and leading a self-disciplined life. Conversely, negative emotions can impede these efforts.

The aforementioned information is provided for reference only. Best wishes for success in overcoming your challenges and learning to live a self-disciplined life.