A 16-year-old is about to enter the second year of high school. He only studies and never takes a break. How can we help him reduce his stress?

Hi there!

A 16-year-old is about to start the second year of high school, but he only studies and refuses to rest. How can we help him reduce stress?

The child has scoliosis, and things are getting worse. To stop things getting any worse, the child needs to start treatment as soon as possible. It's not difficult to exercise regularly and wear a brace. The problem is that the child doesn't listen to advice. The questioner is also worried that the child is now resisting the opinions of others.

But if the child resists and says he feels pressure from schoolwork, how can we help him accept advice for a healthy recovery? First, we need to remind ourselves that the child's position and feelings should be respected. This means listening to the child's pressure, respecting his feelings, and helping him understand and accept the importance of a healthy treatment plan.

One way to do this is to get professional help. If the school has an independent counseling service, for example, the child can receive counseling there and, through a third party, gain a more professional understanding of the importance of regaining health. This will also help the child understand that the misconception that "the only way to do one's best in studies is to keep working without rest" is wrong. Good grades don't have to come at the expense of one's health. And if the child works hard until the last minute and then has a health problem that affects their performance in the exam, the loss will outweigh the gain (in the problem description, the child is not eating well).

Another way to help is for parents, friends, and teachers to have a more open conversation with the child. Through communication, they can restate the child's current ways of dealing with pressure. For the good parts, give support and encouragement. For the not-so-good parts, correct them in time so the child realizes that the current methods aren't working. With understanding and support, the child can reach a better solution because the child's goal is also to get into a good university.

Also, kids aren't exercising enough. They need to understand that anxiety makes things worse. If they take care of their bodies and minds and balance work and rest, they'll perform better. At the same time, they need to relax. They should get psychological support and encouragement to help them relax physically and mentally. When they're relaxed and in a good mood, they'll find their own way to learn.

Your body is your own, and problems with lifestyle can also affect your emotional health and make you feel more stressed.

You can also show him other people's more constructive study methods. For example, some people learn more easily when they are relaxed, and their mental stress does not affect their performance. Staying up late and not being able to eat are not long-term solutions. Studying also requires focus, grasping the essence, planning and implementing strategically, being able to have a strong enterprising spirit, and maintaining academic competitiveness are all good things. However, always throwing yourself into anxious emotions and catching up with academic pressure will only make you feel more unable to extricate yourself and experience pain and anxiety.

It's also really important for parents to spend more time with their kids and pay attention to their emotional needs. Kids are often anxious about the future. They worry a lot, for example, about doing well on exams.

If negative emotions and feelings aren't resolved, they'll just build up more pressure. But if parents can pay attention to them and give their child some emotional relief, comfort, and support, they'll be able to go to the exam without worrying. They won't even think that they'll lose their self-worth if they don't do well.

To sum up, while you understand your child's parents' concerns, you still need to communicate with your child in a way that addresses their psychological pressure and anxiety. Being patient and respectful to your child can sometimes be a good way to start a conversation because, in reality, your child's resistance also stems from their fear of losing competitiveness and their self-worth.

I hope these answers are helpful for you.

Wishing you the best!

Good morning,

From your description, I can ascertain that you must be experiencing a high level of complexity and anxiety, which is completely understandable. Your child is highly capable and hardworking, but is facing pressure from both his health and his studies. It's only natural that you're concerned.

First, it is important to communicate to your child that maintaining good health is essential for success. Even if he is accepted to Tsinghua University, if his health is compromised, it will have a negative impact on his academic and career performance. You can provide examples of individuals who have suffered from health issues due to excessive workloads and discuss with your child the importance of maintaining good health.

To reduce stress, it is recommended that you adjust the family atmosphere. For example, when your child is studying, instead of focusing on grades and time constraints, prepare some nutritious and delicious snacks for him, or place some of his favorite green plants in his room to enhance the comfort and relaxation of the environment.

It is recommended that a relatively flexible schedule be worked out with your child, with rehabilitation training and necessary rest periods interspersed reasonably with study time. For example, one hour each day could be set aside specifically for rehabilitation training, with an hour devoted to completely putting aside studying and focusing on recovery.

Furthermore, you may wish to consider organising some relaxing family activities at the weekend, such as watching a movie together or cooking a large meal, to provide your child with a temporary reprieve from their studies.

Furthermore, it is advisable to communicate more with your child's teacher to ensure a mutual understanding of your child's physical condition. This will facilitate a constructive dialogue on how to provide additional support and care without compromising your child's academic performance.

It would be beneficial to encourage your child to communicate with classmates who have similar experiences and have successfully overcome difficulties. This will allow him to gain valuable experience and encouragement from others.

It is also important to adjust your mindset and avoid transmitting your anxiety to your child. Instead, leverage your optimism and determination to provide positive influence and assurance that the family will offer unwavering support.

It is possible to achieve a healthy work-life balance while supporting your child's education. By working hard and making the necessary adjustments, you can ensure that your health and your child's education are not compromised.

Best regards,

In this fast-paced, high-pressure era, I see your child at a unique and exciting crossroads. He, like the brightest star in the night sky, is trying to shine, and he's doing a great job of it! He's also learning to let his light shine without being bound by it, and he's discovering the wider universe around him.

Now let's re-examine the trajectory of your child's life and find the path that will illuminate the future while also maintaining the colors of life.

1. Think outside the box and examine the current situation!

Let's look at your child's current situation from a broader perspective. He is in a highly competitive environment, surrounded by the single value of "success is performance, and performance is the future."

This concept is like an invisible wall that limits the breadth of his horizons and makes him mistakenly believe that the only way out is to climb the academic ladder. But the world is vast and there are so many choices! Life is worth so much more than that.

2. Redefining success

Success is never a fixed template or destination. It is an incredible journey with different landscapes along the way, and everyone gets to explore, experience, and grow in their own amazing way!

Your child has unique talents, interests, and potential, all of which are important elements of his personal success. The world is his oyster! He could make a breakthrough in scientific research, shine in the arts, or even create brilliance on the path of entrepreneurship.

The key is to find a direction that he truly loves and is willing to devote himself to!

3. The art of balance

The art of life lies in balance. And your child is currently experiencing a state of imbalance, which is totally normal!

Learning is important, but it shouldn't be the only thing in life! We need to guide him to find a balance between academics, health, interests, socializing, and other dimensions.

Just as a tree needs sunlight, rain, and soil to grow healthily, so does a person need a diverse range of nutrients to grow up well—and it's so exciting to see them flourish!

4. Stimulate intrinsic motivation

Every child has an amazing, powerful force within them: a curiosity about the unknown world and a desire for self-fulfillment. What an incredible opportunity we have to ignite this force and let it become the driving force that propels the child forward!

Instead of exerting external pressure, encourage him to explore his interests, let him find joy in learning, and feel the joy of growth in the face of challenges. When learning is no longer a burden, but a way to achieve self-fulfillment, he will naturally devote more enthusiasm and energy!

5. Cultivate adaptability and creativity!

In the face of an uncertain future, adaptability and creativity will become the keys to success! We have the exciting opportunity to teach our children how to face change, embrace change, and find opportunities in change.

At the same time, encourage him to try new things, challenge traditional concepts, and cultivate the ability to think independently and solve problems. In this way, no matter how winding and changeable the road ahead may be, he can maintain an indomitable heart and forge ahead!

6. Family support and companionship It's so important to have a family that you can rely on and that you can share your life with. It's also great to have friends, too!

The support and companionship of the family is absolutely key in this process. As a parent, you get to be your child's strongest support and a warm and secure place to return to.

Be his cheerleader when he faces challenges and celebrate his triumphs with him! At the same time, give him the freedom to grow and learn to become independent.

Finally, let's look to the future with hope! Your child has endless possibilities and potential.

If we can guide him to think outside the box and re-evaluate his life and values, if he can learn to balance all aspects of life and stimulate his inner motivation and creativity, and if he can move forward courageously with the love and support of his family and society, then no matter how winding and changeable his future path may be, he will be able to forge a wonderful life of his own!

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

As a parent, you can feel that your child's obsessive study habits have affected their normal physical development. You might even feel panic, unease, and worry when it comes to their diet. But you know that your child's physical and mental health is more important than their studies.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

So, it's totally okay to feel worried and anxious right now. As you mentioned, the first step to being able to help and support your child better is to gain his understanding and cooperation. This way, he'll realize that physical health is just as important to him as his studies, grades, and chances of getting into Tsinghua University.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

You can try telling your child what you really feel when you see them concentrating on their studies. It's great to affirm your child's initiative and motivation to study independently! And it's so lovely to express your happiness at seeing your child's high level of self-awareness and self-discipline. But at the same time, it's also okay to sincerely express your worries and unease when you see that your child is unable to eat at the moment, that they need to have their duodenal congestion checked, and that their scoliosis needs to be adjusted in time.

At the same time, let your child know you understand their concerns about taking time off to recuperate affecting their studies. The current learning tasks are indeed very heavy, and your child is a child with a strong sense of purpose and strong enough willpower. Let your child know you're there for them and care about their well-being.

Then, why not try discussing a conditioning plan with your child that's right for them? It should be one that doesn't impact their studies too much, but also doesn't delay their conditioning.

In your daily life, try to communicate with your child more emotionally, talk about your feelings more often, take your child on trips, go to art exhibitions with your child, encourage your child to join some school interest groups, talk to your child about the future, and guide your child to see that having a happy and beautiful future requires more than just studying – it also requires a healthy body, more interests and passions, and a heart that feels love and beauty. What do you think?

So, as parents, it's our perception and outlook that help our children grow and flourish. We might not realize it, but we can have a big impact on our kids. When we're aware of this and choose to seek help, that's when things start to change.

I think you'd really enjoy reading "Leading from Far Behind."

Dear Parent, It appears that your child is both gifted and ambitious.

You are concerned about your child's health, particularly with regard to his eating habits and the management of his scoliosis. You are aware of the appropriate course of action to ensure your child's physical wellbeing, including dietary regulation, the use of an orthosis for scoliosis, exercise, and rehabilitation training.

It is crucial to prioritize time management and ensure that physical health is maintained while also meeting academic obligations. To this end, it is essential to collaborate with the child's homeroom teacher to identify which classes can be waived and which homework assignments can be omitted if they are already mastered at the child's current level. This time can be allocated for physical exercise.

"No breaks between classes." The child is a model student, demonstrating remarkable resilience in the face of physical discomfort. Under the guidance of the teacher, he likely internalized the mantra "How steel is tempered." His schedule is exceedingly demanding, even during vacation periods. The child's ambition is commendable, yet it may be excessive. It is unclear whether he requested this level of intensity, if the school encouraged it, or if it was a familial expectation.

Schools typically prioritize the academic achievements of their top students to enhance their reputation. However, it is important to ascertain whether there has always been external pressure for your child to gain admission to a prestigious school. If such pressure exists, it is advisable to initiate a discussion with your child about potential adjustments.

"It is important to note that your parents' primary concern is your well-being. It is therefore essential to prioritize your recovery. It is distressing to observe you experiencing difficulties with eating due to illness. It is also inadvisable to engage in excessive work, as it can lead to musculoskeletal issues. By heeding the medical advice and recuperating, you can avoid the need for frequent hospital visits and dedicate more time to your studies.

Given the length of one's lifespan, it is crucial to establish a robust foundation through physical strength. It is advised that the individual engage in restorative activities, such as park walks or participation in preferred athletic pursuits on weekends.

It is of particular importance at this juncture to ascertain the child's perspective and to identify the source of the pressure to refuse rest.

P.S. Your child is truly admirable, yet they remain uncertain about how to care for themselves. Despite the overwhelming emphasis on academic pursuits in the student realm, and the occasional perception that it is the sole determining factor, grades are not the sole measure of success. Achieving a high score on the college entrance exam does not guarantee a joyful and meaningful life.

The most crucial objective is to cultivate a robust physique and to embrace a leisurely approach to life.