A 19-year-old boy, recently, for some unknown reason, is particularly anxious. What should he do?

Hello, question asker! I'm Yuyi, and I'm here to help!

What an intriguing question!

You say you are very impetuous every day, that you have no interest in studying or entertainment, that you are easily influenced by others, that you have difficulty concentrating, and that sometimes, in order to be humble, you are even accused of putting on an act by your roommate.

You want others to respect your achievements, and you're ready to show them what you're made of! You're ready to take the leap and be close to them again. This feeling of wanting but not daring to makes you feel very uncomfortable, but you know it'll all be worth it in the end.

You also lack motivation. Even though you have clear goals, you are always self-doubting and have low self-esteem. Most of the people around you are unmotivated, and you feel bad about yourself because of their bad behavior, such as staying up all night playing games and not studying. After spending time with them for a long time, you also feel like you are being assimilated by them, and you realize your conceit. But don't worry! There's no need to feel bad about yourself. You can easily turn this around.

Absolutely! We can discuss these problems together.

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You say you are very impetuous every day. That's great! Now, think about why you are so impetuous. Is it because of something else that makes you impetuous?

You can absolutely find the cause of your impetuosity and solve it! This is the first step to solving your impetuosity problem.

On the other hand, you can try listening to some light, healing music or meditating when you feel restless. These are all effective ways to deal with restlessness. And they work! You might not see results immediately, but you can try them and take the first step bravely, gradually improving your situation.

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They are particularly susceptible to the influence of others, which means there's so much potential for growth! You can enrich your own knowledge by trying to read more books and watch more good movies.

I don't know if you know this quote: "The source of everyone's knowledge comes mostly from their parents and the people around them. If you don't expose yourself to books, good movies, and other outside knowledge, the only source you will ever have is the people around you." So, communicate with different people or books more, improve your scope of knowledge, and establish your own cognitive system!

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Inability to concentrate. There are many external factors that can affect you, and you may also be affected by yourself. But don't worry! You can try to focus for a few minutes, without thinking about anything else, just doing one thing. You can use meditation to focus, and reward yourself with relaxation if you complete it within those few minutes.

Then, as you get better and better at it, you can gradually increase the time you focus on it until you can achieve a time that satisfies you!

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One's own motivation is also lacking. But there's no need to worry! Even if you have a clear goal, you can overcome any self-doubt or inferiority feelings. And remember, the people around you are also people who want to improve. First of all, you need to understand what your own motivation is for.

Is it for yourself or for others? If it is for yourself, then you've already got the best reason there is! You don't need many reasons. No matter how many reasons there are, if you don't put them into practice, they will become your own constraints.

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If you still feel that it is feasible after careful consideration, then go for it! Don't be afraid of failure, at least you have tried your best, and that's what matters.

If the people around you are not motivated, you have the power to choose how you interact with them. Perhaps the people around you are just a passing phase in your life, and you don't have to get too involved. You have the opportunity to be your best and interact with more outstanding people, which will give you a better source of knowledge. At the same time, you understand the truth that those who associate with good people become good themselves and those who associate with bad people become bad themselves. Just maintain a proper distance and communicate normally.

I'm rooting for you! I know you can solve these worries soon and find the best version of yourself. Good luck!

Hello, host, I hope my answer is helpful to you in some way.

I can tell you're feeling pretty stressed out. It seems like you've been feeling a bit confused lately, and you're really worried about what other people think. It's hard for you to relax, and you're always doubting yourself. You also have low self-esteem. You see that some people around you are just going along with life, and they seem to be doing pretty well. You wonder what the point of your own efforts is. Is that right?

Reading your description, it seems like I've also been through something similar. I had the same confusion and self-doubt, and I also always looked at how others saw me and how they lived and studied.

But when I kept focusing on other people, I found that my thoughts became increasingly chaotic, and my emotions always fluctuated with the actions and thoughts of others. It wasn't until later that I explored inwardly and gradually understood what I wanted, gradually clarifying my own direction in life, and only then slowly walking on my own firm path. My heart was no longer so troubled, but instead was full of motivation every day, full of anticipation for the future. I was also less affected and troubled by other people's opinions and judgments. This is mainly because I really found my own direction.

I've also got a few things I've learned along the way that I'd like to share with you.

1. Give others the benefit of the doubt and know yourself better.

We're all different, and we all have our own set of standards for evaluating things.

When others meet our standards, we like, recognize, and support them. When they don't, we dislike, deny, and doubt them.

On the other hand, when we meet the other person's evaluation criteria, they'll recognize us. When we don't meet their criteria, they'll reject us.

So, whether the other person recognizes you has little to do with you and a lot to do with whether you match their evaluation criteria. But we can't control what other people think or do. And we can't always meet everyone's expectations.

Life isn't easy for anyone, and everyone has different expectations and different positions. There's no need to try to live up to other people's standards or to force others to conform to your own standards. There's no need to seek others' understanding and approval in everything.

So, there's no need to sacrifice ourselves to gain the approval of others or to trade relationships for it. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked because there will always be people who like you and people who dislike you. What matters is whether you can accept this self that is liked and disliked at the same time.

We don't live to please other people. If we keep seeking other people's approval and caring about what they think, we'll end up living other people's lives. If we hope too much to be approved by others, we'll live our lives according to other people's expectations and lose our true selves. This will cause problems because it's not the life we really want.

It's important to take control of your own self-evaluation. You can treat yourself as if you were someone else and evaluate yourself in a comprehensive, objective, and truthful way. This will help you understand yourself better and know yourself well enough. It'll also help you figure out what you want. At this point, it's less important to pay attention to what others think.

When you stop worrying about what others think and start living your true self, you'll find that your relationships will actually improve. Those "bad relationships" that you've traded for by pleasing others and suppressing your own needs will no longer haunt you.

So, you need to decide what kind of life you want and what kind of person you want to be. If you want to become more accomplished or really good at something, you can't choose the same lifestyle as your classmates. That's their choice, but you need to choose your own path and live the life you've imagined.

2. Give yourself a boost with some positive mental suggestions to help you head in the right direction.

You can always use positive self-talk or replace negative thoughts with positive ones.

The Pygmalion effect basically says that you get what you expect, not necessarily what you want.

If you expect something with confidence and really believe that things will go well, then they will really go well. On the other hand, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, then these hindrances will arise.

This has really inspired me and made me think about the importance of positive beliefs. When we have positive beliefs and attitudes, when we are confident, and when we believe that good things will happen, and always hold onto this positive expectation, it's really important.

It's because positive beliefs lead to positive actions, and positive actions often lead to positive results.

We all want to become the person we aspire to be, and we're willing to put in the work to make that happen. But if we constantly feel like we're not good enough or that we can't do it, we'll stay stuck and make no progress.

Here's a quote from "Rebuilding Your Life": "I am the master of my own thoughts, and I choose to think positively." Focus on and insist on positive thoughts strongly, and positive thoughts will be established in a very short time.

I am the master of my own world. I choose what kind of beliefs I have, and I will reap the kind of reality that I choose. Change starts now!

If you have a moment, I'd also suggest reading the book Rebuilding Your Life. It's a great source of inspiration, guidance, and growth.

3. There are some reasonable ways you can release your emotions and help yourself calm down.

It's normal to experience a range of emotions. It's important to release them in a timely manner to avoid accumulating them in our hearts. Here are some methods you can use to release emotions:

1. Spend time with the right people and talk about your concerns and confusion. Here, the emphasis is on "the right" people: those who can support and encourage you, and those with whom you feel comfortable.

2. Get some exercise, do those sports you like, and relax your body and mind through exercise.

3. Writing therapy: Just write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about whether your handwriting is clear and neat, or if it makes sense. Just go ahead and express yourself.

4. Punch a pillow or a sandbag to release your anger by hitting a soft object.

Another option is the empty chair technique, which can be a useful way to release emotions. Simply place an empty chair in a room and assume that the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. You can then express yourself to the chair, whether that's anger or abuse.

Wishing you the best!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here. Thanks so much for sharing your story with me.

It's totally normal to feel like you have a lot of internal conflicts and struggles. We all do! You might want to be calm, but you feel restless instead. You don't want to study or entertain, but you force yourself to do so. You don't want to care about what other people say, but you can't sleep for it and become anxious. You have a clear goal in mind, but you lack the drive to act on it.

This is actually a kind of internal depletion. Let's understand it together, my friend.

Let's take a moment to understand this together.

We all live in a world that affects us in different ways. It's only natural to feel a bit unsettled by the people and things around us. But the good news is that anyone can achieve a high level of mindfulness with a little practice. So, let's embrace the journey of "life as a practice" together!

So, there's really no need to worry too much. When we see this pattern of "internal depletion" in ourselves, it's like you've seen a thief. Well, what can the thief do? Maintain a sense of awareness. Seeing is changing, and seeing gives you the right to choose.

Let's explore how internal conflict can drain our energy.

Internal conflict is when two internal forces are fighting, or when what a person's mind "should be" does not match reality, and there is a conflict between what the mind "should be" and what is actually the case. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes!

It can feel like there are two of you going at it 24/7, with no day or night, and no peace even when you're catching some Zs. It's like you've got a bunch of monkeys running around in your mind! When you're feeling all tangled up inside, it's no wonder you're tired.

But how much of feeling mentally and physically exhausted is related to studying and working?

Have you ever wondered why some people have internal conflicts and others don't?

This pattern of internal conflict is, to some extent, a way of protecting oneself. It's as if he's covering it up because he's afraid to admit to his true self, and subconsciously feels that he's safe.

Some folks in life are always putting on a show or covering up to prove something. Just imagine, does the richest man in the world still need to prove that he is rich?

Oh, Miss Hong Kong! Does she really need to prove that she is beautiful? It often seems like the less there is to show, the more it needs to be demonstrated.

This "proof" kind of puts our value in the hands of others, doesn't it?

We all have value, both as people and as objects. If you don't know your own value, you might accidentally damage it or care too much about what others say about it.

Your value doesn't depend on what others think. If you know yourself well and are confident in who you are, you probably wouldn't worry too much about what others say.

Even if some people temporarily criticize and accuse you, you'll take it in stride. You'll accept the parts that are valuable to you, and you'll brush off the rest.

Because your value doesn't depend on what others think, your self-worth is all about how you see yourself.

When you feel good about yourself, you don't need to worry about little things.

We all do it. We cover up. It's because we're uncertain about our own value.

These behaviors are like a little hole that lets our abilities leak away without us even noticing. It's like a broken faucet that keeps dripping, but it has nothing to do with learning and work.

I'm here for you!

I really believe that the way to stop internal depletion is through internal cultivation. It's all about shifting your focus from the outside to the inside. And the first step is to become aware of your own patterns.

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and I love you and the world so much! ??

I really hope the above is helpful to you. And I just want to say, the world and I love you! ??

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep in touch and see you grow and flourish!

As an adult, it is important to consider a number of factors and make appropriate compromises. Your anxiety and impetuous emotions may provide an opportunity for reflection.

Consider whether this represents a turning point for you. You tend to be easily influenced by others and are not particularly interested in anything in particular. You are prone to letting trivial matters affect your emotional stability.

The decision to pursue a degree at the university level represents a significant investment of time and resources. It is essential to have a clear understanding of your motivations for studying, the potential opportunities that may arise in the future, and your personal strengths and aspirations.

It is not necessary to adopt the same level of motivation as others. There are still many aspects of university life to consider, and there are ways to protect yourself.

It is advisable to surround yourself with outstanding classmates, adopt good habits, insist on studying hard, plan your career, and take a career personality test and a career needs psychological test to ascertain your desired contribution to society and your personal awareness. Best of luck!

Please advise.