A 20-year-old girl, recently isolated by her work colleagues, am I not being heard?

Hello, question asker!

Let's start by giving the poster a hug. I can tell you've had a hard time. Every adult who faces the world independently and works hard for a living is a warrior, and you are no exception!

Based on the questioner's description, I'm going to offer my personal opinion, which is for reference only.

1. When you first enter the workplace, you must establish yourself.

The workplace has different rules of survival than the schoolyard. Has the OP passed the probation period?

It is crucial for the questioner to establish themselves in the workplace as soon as possible. They must demonstrate their ability to work and show their leader that they can do the job well.

Show them you're trying hard to improve, even if you're not very good.

2. Know the difference between being snubbed, ignored, isolated, and excluded.

There are four types of workplace "unfriendliness": snubbing, ignoring, isolating, and excluding. Snubbing means "I don't want to actively associate with you right now."

Neglect is when you are ignored and your needs and wishes are disregarded. Isolation is when someone deliberately avoids contact with you, for example, by not informing you about meetings you should know about or not inviting you to get-togethers.

Ostracism is a direct and public attack, such as being forced to hand over the project at hand.

The main problem the OP faced was neglect. This is a common issue for newcomers. Only if you can survive in this workplace will others' "help" and "investment" be useful to you.

You have to survive first!

You must communicate effectively.

The questioner mentioned that they were targeted at work and could only cry secretly, then pretend that nothing happened. This is a negative attitude, and it needs to stop.

You must communicate effectively in work-related matters. Speak clearly and precisely, and consider the big picture.

Being clear and precise means communicating more effectively without ambiguity, misunderstanding, or nonsense. Considering the big picture means being cautious about criticizing and accusing. For the questioner, the first thing to do is to muster the courage to communicate proactively, which is a staged victory.

The questioner mentioned charging the phone. In fact, here's what he should do: he can say hello to the colleague next to him while charging the phone. He should tell him that his phone is out of power and that he wants to charge it here. He should also tell him where he works and where he can find him if anyone needs to find him. This simple sentence can avoid a lot of trouble.

I'm going to give the questioner some advice that I'm sure will be helpful.

1. Get help from a professional counselor.

The questioner has suffered from campus violence and domestic violence, and he is introverted and timid. This has a negative impact on his career development. Previous experiences have caused the questioner's "learned helplessness." The questioner should seek help from a professional psychological counselor.

*Yixinli has excellent counselors, and the counselors are highly qualified. If you require it, there is also free psychological counseling available. You can find out more by checking out the public accounts Oriental Mingjian Psychology and Jingshi Psychology University Hall.

Praise others.

You can find common ground and get closer to your colleagues, even if there is a big age gap between you. In the workplace, a young, beautiful, and energetic female colleague is already a threat to middle-aged women, who are naturally hostile.

Integrate yourself into the group, dress modestly, and wear your pretty clothes after work. Don't be afraid to praise people you don't like. It's not flattery; it's a way to show kindness.

3. The escape capsule principle

The questioner will undoubtedly succeed in getting through this period. However, if the company and environment prove unbearable, leaving is the best option.

You must set aside a "resignation reserve." For you, a new employee, the minimum is three months' rent.

This reserve fund will give you the confidence to leave.

I hope the original poster stays healthy and everything works out for them!

Hello, question asker!

Your reply was so inspiring! I could tell you're really trying hard to live and work. You've got this!

I'm really excited to find out what kind of strength has been supporting the questioner not to give up and keep trying! This is going to be your resource.

Let me help you sort out the questioner's problems!

The questioner did a great job explaining the reason for his personality. You've shown real resilience in facing past experiences head-on and embracing life with gusto. The questioner is truly an inspiration!

The questioner was wronged at work and would cry secretly by herself. But she didn't let it get her down! She had built up her own psychological defense: "I don't need to get along with everyone." This is really important and true.

We really don't need to get along with everyone, just get along with ourselves!

I'm so excited to share my experience with you! When I felt unwell and asked for leave, I felt that it made the leader even more uncomfortable. In this regard, is this the questioner's assumption?

Or is this how the leader behaves?

Did the last incident mentioned by the questioner make you feel uncomfortable? I'm so glad you brought it up! It's true that there will always be a lot of difficulties, and everyone has things that they think are uncomfortable. But you know what? That's okay! We can get through anything together.

Once you've taken care of all those pesky problems, I highly recommend that you seek the help of a professional psychological counselor. They'll be able to give you the strength and warmth you need to get back on your feet!

The questioner can also talk in the platform's counseling room or join group chat functions to give themselves some emotional relief. This is a great way to get some much-needed support and feel better in no time!

There are also some great ways to help yourself, such as:

1. Get a correct understanding!

You are no longer the weak infant you once were. You have grown up and can survive on your own, even without the support or recognition of others. When you are still feeling inexplicably anxious over a casual remark from someone else, it is time to take back control! Empty your mind and think about what kind of person you are and what talents you possess. You are amazing!

Obviously not. But there's no reason why you can't be indifferent to the opinions of others! All you have to do is establish the correct perception, which is the first step to achieving this goal.

2. Be excellent at discovering the beauty and fun in life!

Some people have a dull life, some have a glamorous life, some have a miserable life, and some have a passionate life... But it's not life itself that's problematic. It's how we see it! Vision determines the height of life, and perspective determines the direction of life. If you look at the people and scenery around you in a different way, and go somewhere else to change your mood, you will discover that life is actually really multifaceted!

3. Get moving and exercise more!

Exercise is a fantastic way to release a large amount of dopamine, which can make us feel happy! Not only can exercise improve bad moods and make people feel happy, but it can also effectively prevent and treat the effects of emotional stress and other factors.

When you feel down, don't just let it happen! Get moving as much as possible, whether it's going for a walk or jogging.

Hippocrates, the father of medicine, once said something really inspiring: "Sunshine, air, water, and exercise are the source of life and health."

Exercise is an amazing way to lift your mood and help you feel your best!

Good day.

You mentioned that you experienced domestic violence and school violence when you were young, which may have contributed to your introverted and timid personality. However, you seem to be adept at maintaining a positive outlook. After working for six months, you occasionally become overwhelmed with sadness and frustration, which can lead to prolonged periods of crying. Given the age difference and the lack of a strong rapport with your supervisor, you may feel a bit disconnected from your colleagues. The recent incident involving the phone charging has led you to believe that your supervisor may be targeting you, which has unfortunately resulted in a deterioration in your relationship.

How do you feel about the situation you're currently facing, regarding your phone and your supervisor? Are you feeling frustrated, sad, and helpless, and uncertain about how to proceed? Are you crying again for a long time, and tomorrow you will have to act as if nothing happened?

May I ask if this sounds familiar to you? Do you often feel this way?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider alternative ways of responding to these situations. Instead of pretending that it didn't happen, it might be more constructive to address the issue and work through it. Similarly, if you find yourself in a situation where you feel wronged, it might be more beneficial to speak up and address the issue rather than withdrawing and crying in secret.

First of all, I want to give you a hug. Childhood domestic violence may have had a certain impact on your personality, because witnessing or suffering violence makes people sensitive, timid, and vulnerable. This may have indirectly affected your interpersonal skills. Later, you encountered school violence, which not only aggravated your introverted and timid personality, but also had a further adverse impact on your interpersonal and communication skills, such as a lack of empathy, indifference, and withdrawal. Now you are entering the workplace. You have encountered similar difficulties as a newcomer for half a year. Although it is not violence, you feel that you are being targeted. You don't like being broadcast in public. Have you ever experienced this feeling?

Could I ask whether it is similar to the past?

Secondly, it would seem that your coping mechanism may be influencing your behaviour. As a child, you may have felt that the only way to protect yourself was to withdraw when faced with powerful parents. Similarly, when you were bullied and targeted by classmates, you may have chosen to withdraw, crying in secret by yourself. It's understandable that you felt you had no choice but to pretend that nothing had happened.

This may be a way you are used to, but it may not be the most effective or helpful in the current situation. Now in the workplace, when faced with targeted behavior once again, it seems you are still acting in this way.

"I didn't think it was a big deal, and not everyone needs to get their relationships right." This may indeed be the case, and it may also indicate that your way of defending yourself is a "rationalization" method. "Because I had an unpleasant experience with her before, and I'm not good at communicating to resolve problems," in terms of communication, this also sets the stage for the "mobile phone incident" later. "This month I grew a tumor on my hand." If long-term emotions are not released, they may be transformed into "somatization" manifestations.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider releasing negative emotions and learning about interpersonal communication. It is possible that experiences of domestic violence or violence at school may have affected and hurt you. Professional psychological counseling may help you to systematically sort out your emotions and coping methods, see the crying and hurt child inside yourself, and guide her to find a bright direction, so that she can learn to love herself, understand other people's feelings, and communicate with others, rather than just passively accepting and tolerating, and care for herself from within.

It would be wise to pay attention to physical diseases, get early examination and treatment, learn to listen to the voice of the body, and care for yourself from the outside.

The past is the past. There is no absolute right or wrong. It's important not to blame anyone or be too hard on yourself. Looking to the future and believing in yourself is a great way to start. Don't pretend to be optimistic, just be yourself. Being truly optimistic and strong gives you the ability to live a better life. The world and I love you, come on!