A 20-year-old girl wants to fall in love, but if she really does, she feels tremble and afraid?

I appreciate your invitation to answer. I can see your dilemma, and I am confident I can help.

It's clear that your childhood experiences are making it difficult for you to get along with the opposite sex and establish an intimate relationship. You want to fall in love, but you're also very resistant. Your body is reacting with discomfort, showing up as trembling and chills. I understand your mood and feelings fully. We can make adjustments in the following areas.

First, adjust your views on sexual assault. It is true that childhood wounds take time to heal, but you must also tell yourself that it is not your fault. You should not torture yourself with other people's mistakes. Learn to say goodbye to unpleasant experiences and take the initiative to step out of the shadow of being hurt.

Second, spend more time together before falling in love. Get to know the opposite sex. Don't rush into a relationship. Get to know yourself, learn how to get along with the opposite sex, and know when to stop. Reduce the negative impact that your parents' divorce may have on you. Only when you have a more mature and complete understanding and knowledge of relationships can you go out and find someone more suitable for a relationship.

Third, be prepared to establish an intimate relationship. Sexual behavior is an important part of establishing an intimate relationship, and everyone will face it. So be fully prepared. Sexual relationships that occur on the basis of mutual respect, equality, and willingness allow you to fully experience the joy of being in love. It is important to protect yourself, but at the same time, don't constantly resist it.

You will learn about relationships and sex your whole life.

You deserve new discoveries every day.

Dear hello,

? Seeing your question, I give you a warm hug. First, let me answer the first question: Can you fall in love normally? Absolutely! You can fall in love just like everyone else.

Why not? You've never done anything wrong! You're a sweet little girl, and you absolutely deserve to have a sweet love affair!

I promise you, there will be!

From your description, it's clear that you're feeling insecure because of your parents' divorce. They're rarely mentioned, probably because you're eager to learn how to get along naturally with the opposite sex.

? Children are amazing! They will unconditionally trust someone as long as that person is familiar and treats them well. However, that familiar person wants you to satisfy certain needs, or rather, that person's physical needs.

It's not your fault. It's that person you knew who betrayed your trust and hurt you. Although he didn't succeed in violating you, he left a huge shadow and trauma. But you're here now, and you're ready to take back control of your life! Because your parents are divorced or they are both indifferent to you, as a young child, you didn't know how to deal with this kind of problem, and you didn't know who to talk to. But now you do!

If you did, you would probably be told to pipe down and that you were talking nonsense. That uncle blah blah blah, he likes you... So you kept this to yourself and never told anyone!

But the feelings of your body trembling and chills were real! They were not given the comfort and expression they deserved in this situation.

These reactions were hidden in your subconscious. When you once again want to have contact with the opposite sex, you'll have the chance to face your feelings of trauma and unlove, fear, head on!

This is why you get that thrilling feeling when you think about having a boyfriend and preparing to confirm the relationship.

? A big pat on the head! You did great. This is never your fault. I'm so proud of you for being able to express yourself and ask for help. Way to go!

So, how do you deal with this? First, when our body feels cold and shivering again, we can say to ourselves, "In the past, I kept you away from me and made you feel lonely. But I'm so sorry about that! I want to hug you and make it better."

Now, I'm sorry about this, and I want to give you a big hug! Read it a few more times.

This uncomfortable feeling belongs to the young you, not the current 20-year-old you. And guess what? The 20-year-old you is capable of protecting the young self and solving this problem!

I absolutely believe you can!

If you feel cold, you can find a cozy quilt or blanket to cover yourself with. You can also watch a classic psychological movie, "Good Will Hunting." The male protagonist was sexually abused in the past, but with the help of a psychological counselor, he slowly came out of it.

The second thing you can do is read more psychology books and learn to love yourself properly!

And there's more! You can also go to a psychologist or counselor to heal this problem.

I really hope my answer has been enlightening for you! The world and I love you!

Dear questioner, Thank you for taking the time to ask your question.

After reading your question, I can sense the fear, terror, and helplessness you're experiencing, as well as other negative emotions. I'd like to offer you a warm hug and reflect your emotions, hoping to help you recognize that your negative emotions may have been triggered by certain events that are reminding you of important information.

1. Regarding the desire to fall in love at 20.

With regard to the question of a 20-year-old girl wanting to fall in love, but feeling apprehensive if she does so,

I can see that you have some perception and awareness of yourself, which is a great start. However, I wonder if these superficial perceptions and awareness may not be enough to allow you to reach your core emotions and then deal with your problems.

It might be helpful to remember that emotions don't necessarily have negative consequences. They often serve as a reminder of important information. As you mentioned later, I think this is a very good point, and it must have been helpful to you.

2. Regarding the divorce of your parents:

I can imagine that your parents divorcing when you were growing up must have been a difficult experience for you.

I wonder if it might have been around the same time that you almost got sexually assaulted by a familiar adult?

In such a situation, as a child, you were already facing significant challenges and difficulties, and you came close to experiencing a traumatic event. These experiences have likely left a profound impact on your childhood memories.

I would like to reassure you, both as an adult and as a child within yourself, that you are not to blame. Regardless of whether it was your parents' divorce or your experience of sexual assault, you are not at fault.

It is important to remember that your parents' divorce was their choice, and you are not responsible for it. Similarly, it was not your fault that you were almost sexually assaulted; this was an issue that arose within the family.

3. Regarding the incident of being almost sexually assaulted.

It might be the case that, in the event of being almost sexually assaulted, something related to a traumatic event occurred in your inner world as a child. And this incident occurred during the period of your parents' divorce, if I'm not mistaken?

If parents are unable to provide adequate comfort to their children during this challenging period, it can lead to feelings of self-doubt and self-blame. This can result in a perception that they have been abandoned by their parents, which can hinder their ability to view problems from an objective perspective. For instance, while parents may be divorcing, it's possible that they have been emotionally detached for some time, and staying together may not be the most beneficial for them or their children.

It is also important to recognize that parents who are not fully mature may not have the capacity or energy to provide the same level of care and comfort when their child is hurt, including in the case of an incident of sexual assault. Their emotional state may also make it challenging for them to offer the same level of love and support when their own emotions are traumatized.

4. The question of whether it is possible to fall in love.

"Since then, I have noticed that I have fewer and fewer male friends, and now I have none. I feel envious when I see others in love, but I feel uncomfortable when I get along with boys. I have also chatted with boys online. Once there were borderline remarks, the other person would ignore me. I have also thought about changing. I once wanted to establish a relationship with a boy, but as soon as I thought that I had a boyfriend, I had an uncomfortable reaction of shaking and chills. Is it still possible for me to fall in love normally?" My answer to this part is

I believe that with the right support, you can absolutely fall in love normally. However, I also think that seeking the guidance of a more professional and longer-term psychologist could be beneficial. Having the counselor's company and support could help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and facilitate a more positive reconciliation.

With time and patience, you will gradually find your way back to a place of acceptance and understanding. You will come to realize that forming a healthy and mutually fulfilling relationship with a partner is not only possible but also within your reach.

I hope the above answers are helpful to you. I wish you well.

Hello!

Let me share my thoughts with you!

From your description, it's clear that your parents' divorce when you were a child and your near-rape by a familiar person have caused you a lot of childhood trauma. This trauma has caused you to develop a serious defensive mentality towards everyone around you.

It can be tricky to spot how your childhood experiences are affecting you, but every time you're ready to dive into an intimate relationship, you'll feel a little fear because of this hidden trauma.

In the process, you have actually developed some pretty serious defense mechanisms against the establishment of intimate relationships. According to Freud's defense mechanism theory, defense reactions include repression, projection, transference, and rationalization. In your case, it seems that you have repressed and projected or transferred the trauma you experienced in childhood to the establishment of intimate relationships (that is, you are eager but afraid to find a boyfriend, as you said).

So after a brief analysis, let's dive in and see what we can do to help you overcome your fear! First of all, it is totally normal to want to fall in love and crave love at the age of 20, especially if you live in a divorced family, where the lack of love is even more obvious.

Once we understand this, we can rationalize the whole thing. Falling in love is something that we all need and should experience! I have two ideas here that might be helpful to the questioner.

1.

The questioner can see the establishment of a romantic relationship as a way to make up for their childhood. The divorce of their parents was a failure, but our own romantic relationships are totally controllable. There's no reason to be afraid of getting hurt and not entering into a relationship. The romantic partner doesn't have to be the one who stays with us to the end. The questioner should understand this. Falling in love is one of the best things that can happen in your life. Almost everyone has been hurt in a relationship, but that doesn't mean your future life is a failure. The growth that love brings to a person is enormous. If the questioner bravely enters into a relationship, I believe you will gain a lot.

2.

I have a suggestion for the questioner: think of a relationship as a process in which two people work together to create a beautiful work of art! Many of us have an unreasonable belief when we are in a relationship: "I give, I should get in return."

This is actually wrong. When you give up this kind of thinking and go into a relationship, you will feel much better. I think the main reason the questioner is afraid to fall in love is that they are afraid of being hurt. But what if we look at the hurt from a different perspective?

It's just like when you're making a piece of art and it breaks. It's a shame, but it's not the end of the world! The questioner can think about it. Have you ever had a failed experience in your past life? What did that failure leave you with? Did it determine your entire life? Is there still a chance to adjust? Absolutely! Love is actually just like that. As long as the questioner can approach love correctly, then I believe you will find the right person for you!

I'm so excited to share these personal thoughts with you! I really hope they'll be helpful.

Hello!

We're really lucky to be able to give you some advice.

From what you've shared, it's clear that when you were very young, you experienced something traumatic at the hands of someone you knew. It's understandable that this has led to a stronger sense of distrust towards the opposite sex. But you've also shown incredible courage in coming here to face this matter head-on. I admire your strength! I believe that with time and support, you can learn to understand your inner state and make positive changes to find the right person for you.

You mentioned that your parents divorced when you were young. I'm so sorry to hear that.

It's totally understandable that you're afraid to establish a relationship with a man. After all, your parents' divorce must have left you with some pretty mixed feelings. It's natural to feel unsure about what a happy couple relationship is like when you've experienced something like that.

It's okay, you didn't get answers from your parents. And you had a bad experience as a child, which gave you a bad impression of men.

So, your inner world has already defined men as irresponsible or aggressive, and your subconscious mind is reacting to this by making you feel afraid, nervous, and unsure of others. This can make you feel cold and uncomfortable.

So, your inner world has already defined men as irresponsible or aggressive, and your subconscious mind makes you feel fearful, panicky, and distrustful of others when you meet a man you want to get to know better. This can make you shiver, feel cold, and have an uncomfortable reaction.

From all of this, we've picked out a few key words: fear, fear, and distrust.

Let's start with fear. This is often linked to bad experiences you had as a child, which has led you to avoid boys.

It can be really tough when our parents say or do things that make us feel hurt or upset. It's natural to want to communicate with them, but sometimes it's easier to just ignore them. We might feel like if we keep talking, things will end up like our dad's marriage or like what we've seen happen with other people. It's a way of avoiding the past and facing up to it.

It's totally normal to feel like you can't accept that your parents divorced and something bad happened when you were young. It can be really hard to face up to things like this, especially if you feel like you have low self-esteem or lack confidence.

I'd like to say that, when we look at it objectively, there are three people involved in a divorce: the parents, and the child. These three people are different from anyone else we meet. They might be similar to other people we meet, but we can be sure they won't do the same thing.

On the bright side, you've had a bad experience before, so you'll be able to use this to your advantage and find someone you think is of good character. This means you actually have an extra skill compared to people of the same age – the ability to judge people!

On top of that, there might be reasons for their divorce. We were just kids at the time, and we didn't really understand what was going on. So, we didn't really accept it at first. But, you know, was there something they couldn't tell us about the process?

We'll never really know, will we?

So, before and after accepting the reality of their divorce, it's important to remember that it's a really tough time for them.

Take ourselves, for example. We need to think twice nowadays before entering into a relationship. After they had the courage to enter into marriage, they experienced a lot of things that led to their divorce afterwards. In fact, this result was not what they wanted, but for some reason they had to do it.

So, we may not feel as much affection for our parents as we used to, but we've learned so much along the way! What kind of family do we want to have?

Or maybe one day you'll become a mother! How you treat your child will teach you so much about life and love that you'll carry with you forever.

And, on a different note, when it comes to someone you know well, this character can sometimes bring up feelings of fear.

And he's also taught us how to protect ourselves! So, when we meet the boy of our dreams now, what kind of comments do we prefer? And what kind of behavior makes us feel more secure and safe?

It's true! We were helped to define ourselves when we were young.

When we look at these bad experiences from a different perspective, we'll find that they're all guides that will give us direction in the future.

So, we're taking it slow and steady, remembering our past and all the lessons it's taught us. Even though it's been tough, we're learning to turn those challenges into guidance.

If it weren't for these past experiences, we'd be lost! They've taught us how to face the challenges of the future. So, we have to thank these people for that. And we hope that while we're learning the truth about these things, we can also find our true selves!

Find someone who truly loves you and loves yourself, too!

I wish you all the best in the world!

Hello, I'm BS. I understand the questioner's confusion. They feel uncomfortable, trembling, and cold when they have a partner. I have the following thoughts:

Is the reaction about the change in having a partner or the partner themselves?

Shaking may be a sign of fear, and chills may mean you're giving up.

The client seems to be in love but afraid of having a partner. This may be related to being almost sexually assaulted as a child and his parents' divorce.

As you grow up, don't ignore the fact that you have less and less contact with male friends. This could be making you think in a certain way.

They react strongly to bad behavior, even to the point of stopping contact. They may also know about sexual assault and parental divorce. This can make them feel helpless, powerless, and even desperate. Being aware of this can help them escape and remember things. These memories may come from the mother being vulnerable in the relationship with the father and the father being angry.

1. Understand how couples get along and the role of children in the family. 2. Learn how to protect yourself in a relationship. 3. Understand what to expect in a relationship and how to handle it.

This is my opinion based on the information I have. Best regards.

Good morning!

From your description, I can sense your inner anxiety, worries, and fears, as well as your strong desire for love.

You mentioned that your parents divorced, that you were almost sexually assaulted by someone you knew when you were a child, and that since then you have had fewer and fewer male friends, until now you don't have any at all. You see other people in love and feel envious, but you don't feel comfortable when you are with boys. You have also chatted with boys online, and in reality you have wanted to enter into a relationship with a boy, but at the thought of having a boyfriend you feel a certain trepidation and discomfort, so you would like to know how you can fall in love normally.

If I might offer you three pieces of advice, I would like to suggest the following:

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to think back to the reasons why you feel fear and discomfort when you think about having a partner.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what might be causing your fear and discomfort when you think about being in love.

In your description, you mentioned that when you were young and didn't know much, you were almost assaulted by someone you knew. After that, you were reluctant to have contact with men. This could be one of the reasons (fear of being assaulted again). Could I ask you to think about it again? Are there any other reasons behind your fear and discomfort? You also mentioned in your description that your parents are divorced. Perhaps the state of their marriage also affected your views on marriage and love (you are afraid that you will also fail to manage a marriage well and it will end in divorce).

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try to figure out the reasons for your fear and discomfort as much as possible.

It would be beneficial to identify the reasons behind your feelings of fear and discomfort in order to gain the courage to contact men and fall in love normally.

Secondly, it might be helpful to consider the reasons you have identified in a calm and rational way.

Once you have identified the reasons behind your feelings of fear and discomfort when thinking about relationships, it would be helpful to consider whether these reasons are entirely rational.

It would be helpful to approach this in a rational way and consider the following two points:

It might be helpful to consider that your current self is different from the self you were as a child.

If you find that the reason you are scared and uncomfortable is related to an experience when you were a child, when you were almost raped, then you may benefit from understanding that you are now 20 years old and have grown up (if someone were to rape you again, you would most likely be able to protect yourself), and you are different from the defenceless child you were. When you realize this, you may find it helpful to look at your partner objectively and rationally, and then dare to trust him and be willing to get close to him. This could potentially allow you to fall in love normally.

It might be helpful to consider that your marriage may be different from your parents' marriage.

If you find that your apprehension and unease are related to your parents' marriage, it may be helpful to recognize that your own marriage will likely unfold differently. Having observed a failed marriage, you may find it beneficial to approach your own marriage with a sense of understanding and resilience.

It might be helpful to consider that, regardless of the underlying cause of your fear and discomfort, if you can approach it with a rational perspective and an understanding that you have grown up and are different from others, it could help you overcome these negative emotions and allow you to embrace a healthy relationship and fall in love in a natural way.

If I may make a suggestion, it would be to try entering a relationship and see what happens.

If you want to fall in love, as you mentioned in your description, it would be beneficial to enter a relationship and allow yourself to fall in love.

It would be beneficial to try to get rid of the fear and discomfort in your heart, and you may also find it helpful to slowly resolve it in practice.

It is worth noting that this approach is also commonly employed in psychological counseling to help individuals overcome anxiety or fear, particularly through a technique known as systematic desensitization.

For instance, you might consider reaching out to male friends you're already somewhat acquainted with. Once you've overcome any initial hesitations, you could then consider getting involved with the boy you like. When your relationship progresses well, you might then start dating as a couple. During this period, it's important to try to avoid ignoring each other when the other person says something that might be perceived as crossing the line (as it's likely that partners are joking when they do so). Once you've accepted and adapted to this situation, you could then try to get serious and tell yourself that he is the one for you (of course, during this period, you should constantly remind yourself that the other person is trustworthy and worthy of love). Over time, you may find that you accept the fact that you have a boyfriend and are able to fall in love normally.

When you are able to fall in love normally, you may find that your inner fears and worries naturally dissipate.

I would also like to respectfully remind you that the fact that you can fall in love normally does not necessarily mean that you cannot break up with a guy after you have established a relationship. After all, love does not determine you, and your growth in this relationship is the key (learning to face your inner fears and difficulties head-on, learning to get along with the opposite sex, improving your ability to love, etc.).

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Hello, question asker.

After being sexually assaulted, you noticed you had fewer male friends. This shows the assault made you aware of your femininity.

If you're a single-parent child living with your mother, she may not have given you a sense of femininity. This can make it hard to fall in love and enter a relationship with a man. You may also lack a sense of femininity.

You may still feel like a child who needs your mother's care.

You want to fall in love and become a woman. But being a woman must be strange. That's why you're scared to imagine facing a man.

The fear is inevitable. It's more about leaving your mother and starting a new life than being afraid of men. Growing up means facing new situations and developing new experiences. You have to be brave.

No one can replace you in this process, not even your parents.

Best wishes!