A 23-year-old man, working at his current company for over a year, has gradually started to have feelings for her.

Hello, my name is Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I would like to share my thoughts with you.

You met someone from your hometown at work who speaks your language and has more work experience than you do. You would like to start a relationship, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. At the same time, you are unsure of how to improve your communication with each other. Are you experiencing difficulties in your interpersonal communication?

You are fortunate to be self-aware, aware of your inner feelings and needs, and able to apply psychological knowledge to seek help for growth.

01, The Art of Communication

The author of the book "The Art of Communication" suggests that in order to foster positive and mutually beneficial interpersonal relationships and effective communication, it is essential to: adapt to different situations, communicate in a reasonable and constructive manner, and nurture relationships.

This book is divided into three parts, each of which offers guidance on a different aspect of relationships.

It may be helpful to take some time for introspection, to gain a deeper understanding of your own self-awareness, and to become more aware of your role, perceptions, and emotions in communication.

Good love is when two hearts are attracted to each other. You can sense your own heart. It would be helpful to consider what your ideal partner might look like.

Could you please share what qualities would make your heart flutter? And what kind of person do you aspire to become?

Could you please tell me a bit more about what kind of intimate relationship you're looking for? I'm wondering what adjustments and growth you're willing to make for these things right now.

Perhaps you could try expressing yourself more clearly next time, and then see if this relationship can become a good one for both of you.

Growing up is not about being inadequate, but rather about embracing a more powerful version of yourself that brings you comfort.

It would be beneficial to look outward and consider factors related to the other person, including verbal, nonverbal, and listening skills.

You can listen to her plans for life and gain insight into her feelings and needs through interactions. Would you be open to understanding, respecting, and accepting her, and to caring for her and actively growing yourself for her?

In relationships, it is important to focus on the relationship with the other person, rather than on their actions. Building intimacy, fostering a positive communication atmosphere, and learning to resolve conflicts are key aspects to consider.

Good communication should be based on the observation and consideration of objective facts, and the use of an attitude of understanding, sincerity, equality, and respect to clearly and specifically express one's feelings and needs to the other person, and to ask for their understanding and cooperation in sharing.

Good communication is also an expression of loving attention and care, which can help foster a sense of understanding, respect, and love between individuals. Harmonious relationships often find a way to flow with love between people.

It is also important to remember that in all good relationships, it is essential to put yourself first. This means having a full love for yourself, which you can then share with others.

It is likely that most people will appreciate a warm and sunny person who is also full of strength and wisdom. It is also likely that actively developing and growing yourself will give you more possibilities.

02. Alfred Adler, the founder of individual psychology, once put forth the idea that many of our challenges may have roots in our relationships with others.

It is perfectly normal to have interpersonal problems and issues. Being able to reflect on the problem is a great first step.

If you are unable to obtain the other person's consent, it may be that you do not meet her criteria for a partner, rather than a reflection of your own inadequacy. It is therefore important not to deny yourself or become frustrated. This missed opportunity provides an opportunity to learn and grow for next time.

Perhaps the reason for not having good communication skills is that you previously spent your time on theoretical learning. It's certainly not because you are not good enough, but rather because it is your next goal to improve.

I think you're doing a great job identifying problems because that's an important step in solving them. It's natural to have doubts at the beginning of your growth journey. There's no need to rush.

03. Reading has the potential to nourish and enrich our minds, foster our ability to think independently, and guide us in maintaining goodwill and reason in interpersonal relationships, while also allowing us to remain gentle with ourselves.

You might find it helpful to read some psychology books on interpersonal relationships. Some suggestions include Have a Life You Call Your Own, The Art of Communication, and The Courage to Be Disliked.

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to say that I love the world and you, and I hope this helps in some way.

Hello, this is Qingxiang. I'd love to chat with you about this!

I can really feel the inner conflict you're going through from reading your description. It's so hard when our emotions change with the actions of others, isn't it? It's natural to feel like you're losing control.

It's been more than a year since you started at the company, but you just arrived and didn't know anything. She has been so patient and explained things to you. Slowly, you have developed different feelings, and you are in the same office with this colleague, so to speak, spending time together.

You mentioned that you suspect you have psychological problems, but this problem may be similar. From your words, I can tell that you care about your colleague a great deal. You pay attention to her every move, remember her things very well, and remember them easily. You will care about the similarities you have with her, such as the fact that your hometowns are close to each other, and the fact that you have a lot of common topics to talk about, which will create more links between you.

It's so lovely to see how much you adore her! You're over the moon just talking to her, you want to see her and look at her more often, and even her every move affects your heart and makes you feel a flutter.

It's so lovely when you feel excited like this! Reading your description also reminds me of when I was young. I would ride my bike a long way just to catch a glimpse of the girl I liked, and wait near her house. Most of the time, I would just look from afar, and sometimes I would pretend to meet her by chance and say a few words.

—-What options do we have now? —-

I'm sorry to say that from your situation, your colleague will maintain contact with another man. I know you tried to make a connection, but unfortunately, the result wasn't very optimistic. It seems like she's not interested in you at the moment.

I'm sure you'll agree that the situation is that this colleague may have intimate relationships with other members of the opposite sex, but it is not yet completely certain.

I think it's totally normal to have different feelings for her. After all, everyone has people of the opposite sex who envy and like them.

I'm sure you'll agree with me when I say that there's never a situation where someone can only be liked by you and no one else.

We've got a good grasp on the situation, so let's dive in and figure out the best way forward together! First, I'd love to take a closer look at your strengths and weaknesses with you.

It might be a bit tricky at first, especially since you're just starting out, your salary is a little lower than the other person's, and you describe yourself as introverted, afraid of communicating with others, and unable to carry on a conversation. It's also possible that the female colleague may already be in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, and you're not her type at the moment.

There are so many advantages to this! She's very young and has a bright future ahead of her. Plus, she's in the same office, so you can have frequent contact. And she's introverted, which can also be an advantage. There are so many other strengths you haven't mentioned, too!

I really think you should read "Introversion is also an advantage." It'll help you understand yourself better, and it'll help you communicate better with others. It'll also help you find harmony in your life and work!

But, hey, you also have different options! Let's imagine the consequences based on different options, which will help us make a decision.

1) Tell her you like her. There are two possibilities: one is that she agrees, and we can let go of our feelings; the other is that she disagrees, and she may not take it seriously. We can determine her intentions. If she really cares about this, she may take measures to reduce contact with you.

There might be other ways to handle this, and it's up to you to decide which approach is best based on her personality.

2) Don't tell her. There are also two situations: one is that you give up liking her, which might feel a bit against your nature, but we can let go.

The other option is to like her silently. We can talk about this in more detail, because there are so many ways you can do this to make her like you even more!

I'd love to share some of my thoughts with you on what you can do specifically.

The first thing you can do to improve your chances is to brush up on your own abilities. There are so many ways you can do this! You can work on your business skills, learn more, and maybe even ask for a raise.

The second thing you can do is work on being more reliable. It's so important to give women a sense of security and make them feel like they can rely on you. You can do this in so many ways, like through your attentive care and your ability to manage the household.

There are lots of other ways to do this, but I won't go into detail here.

Even though we try our best, there are still two possible outcomes. One is that you become good enough, and slowly she develops different feelings for you, she falls for you, and you ultimately win her love. The other is that you become good enough, but you are still not her type, and she chooses someone else.

In either case, I truly believe that if you work hard, you'll become so much better than you are now. And a hardworking person will win her respect and affirmation.

Hi, I'm Qingxiang, and I just wanted to share some thoughts and suggestions that I hope will be helpful for you.

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

Hello!

You have feelings of liking and admiring your colleague, and it is normal to feel unhappy when she chats with other people of the opposite sex. The original poster said there is nothing wrong with you, and there is absolutely no problem!

On top of that, I'm an introvert, so I sometimes feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable when I can't keep up with the conversation with other colleagues at work. But this female colleague is super friendly and has so many things to talk about! Plus, she's been a huge help and guide at work, so you feel a bit dependent on her. You feel safe, you have things to talk about, and you can try to avoid embarrassing and uncomfortable situations when you're with her.

Your current personality may not be suited to interacting with a lot of people and laughing and joking together. But that's okay! This kind of occasion may be more suitable for a high-quality one-on-one conversation mode between two people, which will make you feel comfortable and free. In the case of a lot of people, you may feel awkward and uneasy. But that's also okay!

Everyone's personality is different, and the key is to find a pace of interaction that suits you—and you can do it!

First of all, you must believe in yourself, accept yourself, and be sure to allow yourself to understand the real you! Don't stand on another level and criticize or condemn the real you that exists in reality.

For example, if you don't allow yourself to have different emotions, you might think there's something wrong with you. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with you!

For example, if you are unable to be self-assured and at ease in your interactions with colleagues, and if you are unable to come up with things to say when you are at a loss for words, you have the opportunity to work on these skills! You can learn to be more confident and comfortable in your interactions with colleagues, and you can learn to come up with things to say when you are at a loss for words.

In interpersonal interactions, you can learn more about areas you don't understand or aren't good at. You can also take the opportunity to humbly admit your own shortcomings and deficiencies. When you feel awkward, don't want to answer, or don't know what to say, and haven't yet figured out how to respond, you can remain silent. You can accept that you can't keep up with your colleagues' fast pace, can't follow their thinking, and can't cater to their conversation style or way of doing things. The key is to slowly find your own position and a way of doing things that suits you better. You can make yourself happy and bring happiness to others in the process of getting along with others.

People are usually well-meaning, but sometimes misunderstandings of goodwill can cause a lot of harm.

When you enter society, you'll face all kinds of pressures and temptations. Kindness is like light in the dark, like the sun, illuminating everything. But that light never changes. What you think is greed is just your subjective desire for beauty.

There are four things in life that are really joyful: finding sweet relief after a long drought, meeting an old friend in a foreign land, the wedding night, and being named on the imperial examination list. When you arrive in an unfamiliar environment, it is especially easy to develop a favorable impression of similar people or things.

In such an environment, it's easy to create illusions that cloud your judgment. You might start to confuse your dependence on her with love or even the desire to possess her.

Before you meet someone, you live your own life. Ask yourself if this feeling is really love.

How much do you really know about her preferences? If someone else had helped me instead of her, would I still feel the same way?

Once you know she's not interested, did you find out why, or were you making excuses? Leave your heart's last line of defense open by testing it out.

Fear of losing the last chance.

Life is always a journey for the brave, and we constantly meet and part ways along the way. When you're feeling uncertain, don't rush to make a decision for yourself. Take a moment to think about what you really want and then go for it.

If you really love her, why would you be sad because she's happy? Love is never greedy, it's always restrained.

There are many reasons for the formation of character, but it is not impossible to change. If you always misjudge your inner weakness and immerse yourself in the world of people who help you, you will also become numb when true love comes along.

You have to face your inner fragility if you want to transform yourself. I know there's a big difference between thinking and doing.

But when you take that first step, you're already on your way to making a change.