A 24-year-old woman, a friend is staying at my house, and there is a conflict. How do I resolve it?

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a modest, self-effacing person who is consistent in my actions.

It's great when our hearts can warm each other, but life isn't always so kind.

It's actually pretty lucky to meet people as often as you do. It'll help you feel less lonely. That's why we're trying so hard to find people who share our interests. If we do, our emotions won't be too unstable. We'll have a stable sense of belonging in our hearts. This will also help us grow as people.

So, to be clear, you're two people whose hearts warm each other. But we should know that people whose hearts warm each other shouldn't be too close in real life. As the saying goes, distance creates beauty. Once this distance is lost, some previously unseen problems will arise, just as you mentioned in your description. The other person wants to maintain a sense of equality between you.

For this reason, we should be careful about how we view this kind of relationship. If we get too close, we'll only hurt each other. It's important to maintain a certain distance. We should also communicate any problems that arise in advance. We shouldn't lose sight of our principles just because we want to keep each other warm.

How can we communicate better?

It seems that the main issue is that we haven't clearly defined our roles and communicated effectively about minor issues. To avoid resentment, we need to be open and honest about our expectations.

❀Your friend's issue with you going back on your word is the root of the problem. From the start, you've wanted to give your friend space in your living space to facilitate emotional communication. Your friend has accepted this and looked forward to it. As a result, she has a somewhat unbalanced view of the relationship between you. She's used to you giving, so it's only natural for her to complain to you after your expectations aren't met.

Now, the other person is in control at home, which is also due to the above reasons. Being used to being loved and accepted has led to this situation. So, if possible, when we live together, we should get some problems out in the open and talk about them with our friends. By communicating, we can let the other person know that equality is based on mutual contribution. In this way, we can maintain a better relationship with our friends and keep each other warm.

Wishing you the best.

Hello! I can see that there are some conflicts between you and your friend. I'm here to help! I can help you analyze the situation and help you resolve your doubts.

At first, you and your friend got together because you had a lot in common and wanted to help each other out. Over time, you two became really close. She's having a tough time with her family, and she's decided to move out and live with someone else, which is a big step. Since your relationship is going so well, she'd love to live with you.

Your attitude is to accept her actions. You feel that if you truly treat someone well, you must meet their needs, allow them to do certain things, give without expecting anything in return, and help them to be tolerant.

I can see that she's really starting to enjoy your company and that you're becoming a very important part of her life. It's natural that she'd want to bring some of the ways she's been relating to her family into her relationship with you. It's great that you feel your relationship is equal and that she shouldn't ask you for so much. It's only natural that she'd want you to agree with her ideas and requests, and for you to do things her way.

What's the issue here? It's a matter of unclear boundaries. Even the best relationships need to have some boundaries in place. What do I mean by boundaries? It's simply a way of saying that your business is yours, and my business is mine.

It's so important to remember that if you take other people's affairs as your own, or interfere with and control other people's thoughts and actions, it can cause a lot of conflicts and trouble.

How can this be solved? The two people agree on their respective boundaries, do not interfere with each other's freedom too much, do their own thing, and if a conflict arises, they should clearly express their thoughts, respect each other, understand each other, and tolerate each other.

I really hope you can find some time to chat about your problems. It's so important to communicate well with each other. You're together because of some common factors, but there's still a lot you don't understand about each other. It's so important to be honest with each other and get along slowly. I really hope you can find a way to get along with each other. Good luck!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

You both had psychological problems. You can understand each other and support each other so you can have each other's company and encourage each other.

The questioner has found her friend's behavior unacceptable over the years. She resists it. Is this normal?

A few years can show us a lot about a person. The questioner is puzzled by her friend's concern for fairness. For example, when the friend stayed at the questioner's place, she helped take out the trash. When the questioner went to her place, she also asked the questioner to take out the trash, just because she had done so before.

Asking others to meet her standards.

The friend has her own ideas and thinks others should do what she does.

She has her own opinions, but being stubborn is excessive insistence. The questioner's friend is like this. The questioner has an opinion about her demands, but she has not accepted them.

The questioner is good at expressing herself. She speaks up when her friend makes a mistake.

No matter what kind of relationship it is, it is mutual. In this friendship, she is unwilling to accept your corrections. She only insists on what she thinks is right. So as things stand, if she doesn't change herself, no one can change her.

She expects others to meet her expectations.

If your friend has high expectations and you don't meet them, it can be stressful.

This is very different from what the questioner wanted. You want to support each other and help each other grow, but after getting along, you find that there's a big gap between you.

If you don't resolve problems in a friendship or love relationship, you'll only see the other person's flaws. So, communication is key.

I hope this helps.

Hello, my name is Liu, and I'm a heart exploration coach.

I think we ask for answers because we're in the "Lushan Mountains" and can't see the full picture of the problem. It's easy to get carried away with our emotions and take on things that aren't really our responsibility. But you and I are both human, and when things get a little too much, we'll probably have some internal struggles.

I'm not an expert, so I can only offer my thoughts and perspectives. I really encourage you to read more responses from all sides, but the final decision is yours.

Firstly, you are a wonderful friend. All friendships are mutual, and everyone has common experiences and a common language. However, you are not "obligated" in any way.

It can be tricky to tell the difference between friendship and love, and even more so to know what to do, what to achieve, and when to say no. In love, for example, it's important to be loyal because love is exclusive. If you violate it, it's not right.

It can be tricky to know where to draw the line in a friendship. When friends make a request, it can be hard to say no.

It can be really tough when we feel uncomfortable in a friendship. It's not always easy to express our feelings, and we might even feel guilty.

You've already got a lot on your plate, and you don't owe anyone else your life. It's only natural that you'd want to help your friends, but you can't do everything. If you try to do too much, you'll just end up feeling overwhelmed.

Secondly, friends also need to have a sense of boundaries. I could really sense a breakthrough in this area throughout your story.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with helping each other out! It's so important to show respect, though.

In our interactions with others, it's so important to try to satisfy our own subjective desires, while also being mindful of our own capabilities. Otherwise, the demands made by the other person might come across as emotional and moral blackmail, which is never a good thing!

It's okay! There's no obligation for her to live away from home just because you've found her a place to stay.

It's totally reasonable to go to the doctor together, buy medicine together, encourage each other, play together, communicate, and so on. If you want to live together, it's great to discuss it together, reach a consensus, share the costs, and both parties are willing, there's no problem at all!

But if she shows an attitude of wanting to live there, and you "have to" accommodate her, you should definitely help her out with her problems. If you don't, she might get upset and think it's your "responsibility." That would be a bit unreasonable, don't you think?

I just don't think this is justified, you know?

(2) We're not asking those we help to be eternally grateful and repay the favor, but we do want to set some boundaries. It's not about asking for things in a grandiose manner.

We really need to face the facts here.

And the truth is, she's living in your home!

This is your home, sweet home! You are in your home, and you have your freedom. She should at least know this. If it is your family's house or you are paying the rent, then you are the owner. This is not a piece of good L'Oréal that can be directly given to you half. This is accommodation, and she is staying the night.

This is your home, and she doesn't let you say, "This is my home," because she thinks you're her friend. It's as if she's saying, "I'm so happy to be here, and I want to be part of your life." It's a beautiful thing, but it can also feel a bit controlling and possessive.

I'm really sorry, but I don't think this is fair to you.

Third, no matter how good a friend you are, it's not right to pass on responsibilities that should be your own to others.

Maybe she hasn't realized that this is her life and she needs to figure out the answers on her own. When we depend too much on others, it can make us feel helpless.

We all face challenges in life, and there's nothing wrong with seeking help when you need it. However, it's important to remember that you can't always rely on others to support your decisions and desires.

Some paths just have to be walked alone.

It's so easy to rely on the bond of friendship, and it's natural to focus on the resources you provide in friendship. But we can't forget about the other person's feelings! What she really needs is to learn to be more independent and to grow on her own. She's always looking for a "wind from the east" to get her what she wants. If she wants to leave home and live on her own, she asks her friends to solve the problem and let her friends rent a place for her. If her friends aren't satisfied enough, she'll create emotional pressure, making you feel that you owe her and constantly amplifying your sense of indebtedness.

It's so important to be aware of this kind of double standard. The aim is to turn all the "gains" she has made into a reasonable compensation.

We really need to be careful with this kind of double standard, don't you think?

You did such a great job helping her figure out how to move out on her own! Now she's looking for a way to make it as easy on you as possible. It's totally understandable! You're her friend, so she's talking about "unfairness."

And often, sadly, it just ends up being

One person keeps trying to make compromises and meet the other person's demands.

It seems like there's been a bit of emotional manipulation going on.

I really feel for you, sweetheart. I understand that you're craving friends and care, but you've got to put your health first.

I think we've all heard the saying that love yourself before loving others.

I just want to say that before you had to provide a place to live, she had already done so much for you, and you had also done things for her. You are on a friendly basis, and no one owes the other. I truly believe that you have also been there for her when she is sad, listened to her when she needs to talk, and been there for her when she needs support.

So, sweetheart, you are an amazing friend!

You really don't have to doubt this, sweetheart.

(1) If you have any suggestions, I think the most important thing right now is to "say no." It's so important to learn to be aware of the limits of your responsibilities. This is not selfish or shameful.

You should respect yourself even more. If you don't feel happy living with her, you should definitely speak up and say no. If you think this is your home in itself, she should understand that it's not about taking it over, but rather about working together. And if you want to go out and rent a house together, you should first make sure you're on the same page about the rent and other costs, and then start looking for a house together.

It's okay to set boundaries! You don't have to lose anything by doing so. And remember, money can't buy love.

(2) You're not her doctor or her salvation, sweetie.

We all have a tendency to fall into the trap of thinking we're superheroes in our relationships. This mindset can become a habit through interaction and reinforcement. For her, her habitual dependence might prevent her from independently solving life's problems in the future. The result is that she can only use the emotional investment she has made as leverage, which isn't conducive to her mental health and growth. For you, you might feel anxious and uneasy in the midst of all the pulling and tugging, forming cognitive biases that blame most problems on yourself. But remember, you're not in a relationship, you will have friends in the future, and you will have your own life plan. Don't imprison yourself.

As long as you don't want to, sweetie.

You can have

You've got the courage to say "no."

It's so important to protect your boundaries!

To keep yourself safe and sound!

Dear Sir/Madam, After careful consideration of your description, it is evident that the primary issue is the perception of your friend's residence as a shared space rather than your own. This may be attributed to a belief in the equality of the two of you. Kind regards, [Your name]

Furthermore, given that she requested to stay at your residence on two occasions and that you did not rent a separate property, or alternatively, given that you did not reside alone and did not honour her request to visit your residence, you feel that you have breached your commitment.

Please define your relationship with each other. In the early days, you provided each other with psychological support and comfort.

As a result of mutual psychological support, you provide each other with warmth and reside together under the same roof. However, when you live under the same roof, you find that your relationship is not as pleasant as when you live separately.

It is important to clarify a few points. The first is whether this house is rented or owned. Who is responsible for paying the utility bills, rent, property management fees, and so on?

If you are the primary provider of resources, then the residence is yours. Your friend is merely a guest.

A friend who stays at your place but is reluctant to acknowledge it as their home is effectively blurring the boundaries between you. This could even be perceived as an invasion of your personal space.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own boundaries in their hearts. If someone encroaches upon these boundaries, it can cause discomfort. This applies to all individuals, including friends, family and acquaintances.

Please take the time to reflect on whether you have such problems.

Another point to consider is that your friend wishes to relocate, but he is seeking to move into a different person's residence, while you are not inclined to rent a property independently. What is the rationale behind this decision?

Could the issue be financial in nature? Or is there a psychological need for social interaction outside of the family unit?

At the outset, you both faced psychological challenges, and you grew up together, supporting each other. This formed the bedrock of your friendship.

Are you both developing at a similar pace mentally? Are your mental energy and state of mind still aligned with each other as they were previously?

Inconsistencies may result in differing views and perceptions between the two parties. When these differences arise, it is not uncommon for conflicts and contradictions to emerge.

It is important to distinguish between psychological friends and life partners. Providing psychological support to one another does not guarantee a sense of warmth and companionship in life.

Ultimately, life is very concrete, and psychological needs only require spiritual companionship.

While spiritual and psychological needs can be satisfied beyond material things, it is not possible to satisfy all of one's needs in this way. This is a significant issue that requires careful consideration and open discussion.

The primary concern is the perception of a lack of flexibility in the current living arrangement. It seems that both parties have experienced a degree of adjustment to accommodate the other's preferences.

Your concern is that this is your home, and if you are unable to feel at ease here, where else can you go? Your colleague's concern is that she has made significant changes to accommodate your habits.

This issue is not exclusive to you and your friend; it is a common challenge faced by all residents of a shared living space.

A home is a place where relaxation and recharging are expected. However, when individuals with different habits and ways of thinking are in the same space, friction is likely to occur.

Subsequently, tolerance is required between the parties involved. It is necessary for both parties to make certain concessions in order to achieve a more optimal working environment.

As the adage goes, it is simple to love, but complex to coexist harmoniously. While this pertains to the dynamics between two individuals who are in a romantic relationship, it also extends to broader interpersonal dynamics.

It is particularly important to possess the requisite wisdom when interacting with others, particularly in situations where individuals are required to coexist in confined spaces.

This requires a constant process of trial and adjustment between the two parties, with the aim of finding a solution that is acceptable to both and provides a satisfactory outcome for all.

I hope this information is useful to you. Please remember that I am here to support you and that I have the world's best interests at heart.

Hello, question asker! After reading your text description, I can tell that you are a kind person who has accepted the other person moving in, which is great!

It seems that you have had some challenges since she moved in, and now there are some differences. My response is for your reference, and I'm excited to help!

First of all, you said, "We both have certain psychological problems, so we understand each other relatively well. I have learned so much good psychological knowledge from her, and I have also begun to maintain my self. We go to the doctor together and buy medicine.

From this passage, I can feel the mutual understanding between the two of you. You seem to have found someone who is on the same wavelength and treats each other with sincerity—it's so wonderful to see!

Second, there were two misunderstandings between you. The first was when you graduated and your mother was still around. She felt that I had told her mother that I would be away for the summer, so she couldn't come to my house. The second was when you were looking for a job. I had imagined that I would rent a house and let her come live with me, but it didn't work out. She felt that I had gone back on my word, but that's all in the past now!

From this text, I can feel your passion! You are actually somewhat helpless as these two things are not within your control.

Then there's the disagreement between you about living arrangements. She doesn't want me to say "this is my home" because she thinks we should be completely equal. I think it's great that we can agree on this! I think it's fine for me to say it's my home, but she feels that she has had to make a lot of changes to accommodate my habits.

From your words, I can tell that you have different approaches to managing boundaries. Your home was yours first, and it's great that it's now a shared space!

And you also have disagreements about the division of household chores. I just want to ask you: is there a way to resolve such disagreements? I'm sure there is!

If not, how can we make the relationship even better?

I'd like to end by saying that whether you're friends or family, living under the same roof, seeking common ground while reserving differences is the way to go! And don't forget that whether the two of you share the same values is also a key point. Before moving in, you should also discuss some topics with each other, such as: after moving in, clarifying the division of housework, financial freedom, freedom in life, etc.

From your description, it's clear that she sees herself as the host, which is a fascinating dynamic! I can believe that there are some qualities of resonance and understanding between you, and that apart from these trivial matters in life, you have some spiritual resonance.

From the responses you have received, it is clear that you have some grievances and emotions in your heart, and it seems that you have not yet found an outlet. You are asking questions on this platform in the hope of finding a way to resolve your differences. Then ask yourself again:

1. What can be done to resolve this disagreement? Absolutely! There's got to be a way to find a win-win solution!

2. If there is no way to resolve these differences, how should you face the relationship?

I'm thrilled to answer your questions! If my answer meets your needs, I hope you'll click on my profile picture to follow me. I wish you all the best!