A 26-year-old male is preparing for a professional examination and wonders how to deal with his mother's oppressive education?

Hello, I'm Coach Fly. Thanks for sharing your story with me.

I can tell you're feeling pretty motivated right now. You've got plans and actions for your goals, and everything seems to be going well. But I can also sense that a negative comment from your mother has caused you to feel a range of emotions.

You're feeling lonely, helpless, and powerless, and you're even doubting yourself. You feel like a deflated balloon, lacking mental energy and motivation to move forward.

Let's take a look at these issues together.

1. Emotional problems:

Let's take a look at these problems that are troubling you together. 1. Emotional problems: There is no good or bad emotion. Allow yourself to have emotions such as anger, sadness, and resentment. These emotions, which we define as "negative," also need an appropriate outlet. You can either attack others externally or hurt yourself internally. You, however, chose to attack internally: you lost your motivation to move forward and became self-doubting.

Let's talk about the emotional issues you're facing.

There's no such thing as a good or bad emotion. It's okay to have feelings like anger, sadness, and resentment. These emotions, which we often call "negative," also need an appropriate outlet.

You can either lash out at others or hurt yourself. You chose to hurt yourself, which made you lose your motivation to move forward and start doubting yourself.

From what you've said, I can see how you're feeling.

1) Stress-related anxiety:

As you mentioned, you're working while preparing for the exam. The pressure of work is already high, and you're working around the clock to get a chance to take a vacation, so your body is giving you friendly reminders, such as sleeping in on Saturdays.

It's good to have a little pressure because it makes us pay more attention and increases our motivation. But if it becomes too much, it can lead to anxiety, worry, and fear, as well as all kinds of "what ifs."

You're also very conscientious and want to be in control of everything, which is a need for security.

When you don't feel secure, you feel fear. Feeling secure is about having certainty and control.

This is anxiety, which is basically just the fear of what might happen in the future.

The best way to deal with anxiety is to focus on the present and just do what you need to do.

Because there's action in the present, just as a player on the sports field won't be anxious, but the player will be.

You can also relieve your anxiety through physical activity like jogging (focusing on your breathing), listening to light music, or talking to someone (making eye contact).

2) Feeling powerless because of being rejected:

As you mentioned, your mother's approach to parenting was often suppressive. Growing up in that kind of environment has led you to develop a sense of learned helplessness.

Your subconscious mind has stored this feeling very deeply. As a result, every time you are criticized, rejected, or blamed by others, you feel powerless.

There's an unmet need behind every emotion, especially when it comes to our expectations of our parents. We all want to be seen, respected, affirmed, recognized, and accepted.

Your mother's rejection has left you with some unmet needs, and you've developed some self-doubt and self-denial as a result.

When we were young, our parents were our significant others and gave us the "psychological nutrition" we needed to grow up healthy, both physically and mentally. This included things like the ability to love, the ability to connect with others, a sense of security, independence, and a sense of worth.

Parents who affirm, praise, and recognize their children give them a sense of self-worth and independence. However, children who are constantly rejected, blamed, and criticized by their parents are likely to become sensitive, suspicious, easily hurt, and prone to low self-esteem even as adults.

Here's some advice:

It's time to achieve a psychological separation from your parents. You are an adult, and you can fully become your own significant other and provide psychological nourishment for yourself.

The simplest way to boost your sense of worth is to give yourself positive feedback all the time (you're so motivated, you're great at taking action, you're really organised). Accept yourself by giving yourself affirmation, praise and recognition.

2. Self-worth:

2. Self-worth:

Self-worth is how you see yourself. Over time, when you're rejected and accused by your parents, it can become your own view of yourself.

Self-worth is how you see yourself. Over time, when you're rejected and accused by your parents, it can become your own view of yourself.

People are valuable, just like an antique. If we don't know its value, we can only refer to the opinion of the appraiser. If we don't know our own value, we will naturally care a lot about what others say.

I'd like to suggest reading one of my articles, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is this: self-worth." I hope it'll be helpful. It also talks about how to improve self-worth: innate sufficiency + postnatal replenishment.

I'd also suggest checking out the books "The Bonds of Motherly Love," "Beyond the Original Family," and "Psychological Nutrition."

It's important to distinguish between your mother's actions and the motivation behind them to love you. While her actions may be right or wrong, the motivation behind them must be positive.

Mothers have their own limitations when it comes to parenting. The way they educate and raise you is only what they can think of and do within the scope of their understanding.

Because you've been hurt by your parents' actions, you're looking for a way to change things. Try to accept that your parents aren't perfect and think about how their upbringing and education might have shaped their actions.

Shift your focus from seeking outside to cultivating within. Pay attention to your own growth, maturity, and growth through learning.

This is a process, just like "life is a practice." I hope that on the path of growth, we can all learn and grow together.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom of the page. I'll be in touch and we can keep growing together.

Hello, I'm Susan!

From what you've told me, I get the feeling you're someone who likes to plan things out in a methodical way. You're not one to be held back by the status quo and you're eager to break out of your comfort zone and live your life at your own pace. Your attitude towards life is something I think we can all learn from, and it's definitely one of your shining points! I hope you can keep up the great work and that you can be more determined and courageous in the future, and not let external factors get in the way.

In your description, you said that your mother's parenting style had a big impact on you. It's so sad to hear that you felt hopeless and powerless as a result.

I'd like to share that "oppressive education" is pretty common in families, including mine. In my parents' generation, there was probably very little "encouraging education," which also became a problem that troubled me at one time. But then I figured it out: we can't choose our parents or family environment. Life may seem hopeless and out of control, but there's always hope!

So, what can we do for ourselves?

It's true that not all environments are equal when it comes to growing up. Some are more supportive than others, and some forms of family education are more encouraging than others. We can't choose where we're born, but we can choose how we respond to our circumstances.

Even if you grew up in a family environment with a repressive parenting style, it doesn't mean that your future will necessarily be affected by it and remain out of control. The good news is that you have the power to change your future! It all depends on how you look at these events and respond to them.

It's totally normal to feel like there's nothing we can do to change our family of origin, especially when we're children. We often feel passive and powerless in the family, which can lead to "learned helplessness" and a lack of determination. It's also common to feel like we're only responsible for a small part of the family, and that our parents are responsible for making more changes, not us.

It's totally normal to feel like your parents aren't open to making changes or trying a different approach to parenting and communication. We've all been there! It's because we're still using the same way to get along and communicate with our parents, and we've been stuck in a rut arguing with them. But there's hope! The most important thing is to rethink the role interaction model between ourselves and our parents in the family, and jointly establish and shape a new interaction model.

Take, for instance, the host who feels like he's got no choice but to put up with his mother's "oppressive education." It's a tough spot to be in!

This is a form of self-denial, while some people will work even harder to learn in order to prove themselves, which is self-affirmation. From this, we can see that in our interactions with our parents, we often fall into a "yes/no" response mode, thinking that we only have a "yes/no" choice.

But we often forget that we also have another option – to state our position and also offer our parents our ideas. For example, "I have been preparing for the exam seriously, and I have balanced the exam, work, and life well. I'm really proud of how well I've done!

Guess what! Today is the last day of this week's intense work, and I have almost finished my workload. I worked overtime last night because of the subsequent vacation adjustments, so I woke up a little late today.

At this stage, I know what I need to do, and I'm going to plan to prepare for the exam so that I can be in a better state to prepare for the exam and arrange my study time reasonably. (This is just a small example I have given, and more needs to be adjusted according to the mode of interaction and communication with my mother~)

Maybe we can try to be the one to make a change, to change our behavior, not just our words. It would be great if you could motivate your parents to make changes and develop towards a better interaction model.

I hope you have a lovely day! I know you can do it, so study hard for the exam and believe in yourself. I can't wait to see you and your mother establish and shape a new interaction model together!

Hello, host. I was so moved by what your mother said that I burst into tears. It reminded me of a comment my father made to me the year I took the postgraduate entrance exam. He said, "Do you think you can pass? I don't think you can."

That feeling of despair and powerlessness swept over the whole person in an instant.

It's like no matter how hard we try, we'll never be tough enough for our parents, and no matter how well we do, we'll never do well enough for our parents.

One sentence from your mother can take you right back to the depths of your emotions. After all, she's the person we're closest to and the one we most want to encourage and support. But her feedback makes you feel helpless, powerless, and desperate.

I can see that you've really tried hard and always striven to improve. For instance, if you're not happy with your work, you'll study hard for an exam, work overtime like crazy for the exam, and only sleep 5 hours a day.

You've always tried to be a good person, maybe to prove it to yourself or because your mother's past education has always suppressed you, making you accustomed to being better and working harder.

I think you're doing the right thing. You can manage your workload, studies, and take care of yourself. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't let your mother's response affect your actions.

I can tell you really want your mother's approval. It seems like you've never heard any praise or approval from her since you were a child. You've probably felt like she doesn't understand or support you.

So, that feeling of wanting to be understood and supported can be so strong that when you've already tried your best, your mother's words can really hurt you.

You might be wondering why your mother doesn't seem to recognize your hard work and achievements, and instead gives you a dismissive response.

This kind of feedback might have hurt your self-esteem.

I'd like to suggest that a mother may not be the best at observing others or loving herself. She may not even know how to care for herself, so how can she talk about caring for others? Instead of asking for love from your mother, try to give her some. ?

So, there's still an inner child in you that hasn't grown up. This inner child is eager for attention and recognition. Even though you've grown up, taken responsibility for yourself, and love many people, it's important to take care of the inner child that hasn't grown up.

When you grow up, you learn to do the right thing and not let other people's opinions influence you.

☀️ Accept your emotions, accept your mother's pattern, and respond to everyone and everything with a grateful heart.

When you're feeling down, don't push yourself to study or work hard. Give yourself some time to feel the sadness and grief you're experiencing. Wait until the emotions have passed, and then start working hard again.

If your mother is still oppressing you, don't resist or argue back. Give her a smile instead. This will show her that you've matured and grown up, and that you can face all her blows with a stronger heart. Return all negative emotions with a share of love. This will make her oppression seem like hitting air, with no strength and no harm to you.

When you look at things with a grateful heart, your mother becomes kind, your colleagues become lovely, and the people around you become fond of you. This magical change will definitely happen, and when you believe in "this belief," its power will be incredible!

Good luck on the exams! I hope everything goes well and I look forward to hearing from you.

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From your description, it is clear that you are experiencing a range of negative emotions, including disappointment, confusion, dissatisfaction, pain, and helplessness.

I won't go into the details of your troubles caused by your mother's repressive education here. Instead, I'll give you three pieces of advice for your consideration:

First of all, you need to communicate with your mother sincerely.

The purpose of communication is to let her know your true thoughts.

You may think communicating with her is useless. If so, you should try these methods and see what happens.

First, put yourself in her shoes and understand her. This will help her hear what you're saying.

You said you're a 26-year-old man with a stable job and no mortgage. You want to improve yourself and take an in-service exam, but you got up late one morning because you were tired from work. Your mother's comment, "Is this how you are going to prepare for the exam? Do you want to take the exam?" instantly took away all your hopes and energy. You were originally very confident in yourself. Moreover, your mother's suppressive education didn't stop there. She also said you couldn't find a girlfriend because you're ugly. Have you ever thought that your mother is used to suppressive education because she may not know any other way of educating you and she doesn't really want to deny you? Or she may have also grown up under that kind of education and doesn't realize that her approach is problematic? Of course, I'm not excusing the harm she has caused you with suppressive education, but I hope you can put yourself in her shoes. This will be conducive to communication between you.

Second, start with "I" and talk about your feelings. Avoid or minimize the use of "you" because it makes her feel rejected and accused, which is not conducive to communication.

Tell her, "Mom, I know you like to use a coercive approach to educate me in order to encourage me to become better, but I hope you can consider my feelings. I will become especially negative because of your coercive approach. I will feel that you don't trust me, and this will make me lose the strength and hope. I long for your encouragement and support."

After you communicate with her so honestly, she will change the way she speaks to you because she will realize that her actions have hurt you. When she changes, your mood will also change.

Secondly, give your mother some time and gently remind her during that time.

After you have sincerely communicated with your mother, she may not change immediately. This is because she is used to teaching you that way, and it is not easy to change habits. At this time, you have to give her some time and calmly remind her during this period.

If she says you're ugly and you can't find a girlfriend, tell her, "I hope you realize you're hurting me when you say that. I want to find a girlfriend too. Think about it. If I can't even get my mom's approval, how can I have confidence? I expect you to stop saying I'm ugly."

After you have communicated with her many times in this way, she will realize that her approach is not appropriate and change. When she changes, your mood will change too.

You must accept that your mother will not change. Focus on yourself and live your life.

After communicating with your mother in depth and giving her time, and despite your kind reminders, she refused to change and continued to speak to you in a way that suppressed you. You had to accept the reality that you have a mother who always suppresses you.

I understand it's not easy to accept this reality. You may feel there's no mother who always suppresses her child.

This is the reality. She may not be able to educate you and love you in ways you approve of, so you must accept it.

You need to focus on yourself and live your life to the fullest. Concentrate on your exams, work hard, and take your time to resolve your relationship issues.

When you stop expecting your mother to change and take care of your own life, she will change. It may sound contradictory, but it is the truth. Change is based on allowing no change.

You will still be negatively affected by her, but to a much lesser extent. You no longer expect her to change, and without expectations, there is no harm.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. If you would like to communicate further, you can click "Find a coach" at the bottom and we can talk one-on-one.

Hello! I'm Wei Zhi Peng from Yi Xin Li. We're a system psychotherapy school, together with psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy, and we're proud to be one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy!

You may not even realize that you've already done a fantastic job!

The question you ask is more like a question of position: "I have done so well, why do you still treat me like this?"

Oh, it's so hard to see things from my mom's point of view! But what about from her perspective?

For example, from her point of view, there are so many reasons!

1. She's used to this way of treating you, and it's time for a change!

2. She's not seeing the amazing changes in your work or the exciting demands of the on-the-job exams!

3. As long as you live at home, she will assume that you are the "you" in her eyes. This is not okay, but it can be!

You work all day and live at home, but you could care less about her. Go buy her something! Ask her what she needs!

4. She's in a bad mood that day, but don't let that get you down! She'll get over it, and you'll have a great day.

So, you've got this awesome opportunity to move out and live on your own! With a job and no mortgage, you have the freedom to make your own choices. So, are you ready to take the leap and choose this exciting option?

Moving out is an exciting opportunity to decide whether your mother's influence on you will outweigh the impact of moving out on your own. This means you get to take care of your own "living and housekeeping" matters!

Another great way to make things easier for everyone is to increase communication with your mother. This way, she'll know how you're going to arrange the week, and you'll both be able to cope with things more easily!

There's no right or wrong position here, only possibilities! What do you think?

Hello,

Host:

I read the post carefully and could tell the poster felt powerless and helpless. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster bravely expressed his distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster understand himself and his mother better.

I'm also working on becoming a better version of myself.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts from the post that might help the poster gain a better understanding of the situation.

I've always wondered why what our mothers say to us has such a big impact.

From what I can see in the post, the poster is working hard for the exam so he can get a good holiday. He sleeps for five hours a day and works the rest of the time.

I want to give you a big hand. I couldn't do that.

You're really trying hard to get better. It's just that this morning, my mom said, "Is this how you prepare for an exam?"

"Do you want to take the exam?" accompanied by a dismissive snort. I felt like I had lost everything in an instant, all my hope and strength.

I'm curious as to why you're reacting so strongly to a single sentence from your mother. I'm sure you've also considered this question at some point.

Mom always made us feel powerless and helpless with her education. But why do we react so strongly to a single sentence from our mother?

I'd like to share my understanding. Is it the host's inner expectation that her mother understands and appreciates her? Is it the host's expectation that her mother will see her efforts?

On the other hand, the host feels that getting along with her mother has drained her of a lot of energy. Is that right? Well, if so, I think the host has an ideal mother in her heart, and this ideal mother should understand, approve of, and appreciate her existence.

When our mothers don't do what we want, we may feel frustrated and helpless. So, what can we do for ourselves?

2. Let go of your expectations of your mother and accept her for who she really is.

Why not let go of our expectations of our mothers and accept them for who they really are? The results show that our mothers cannot be the way we want them to be. If they could have been like that for so many years, they would have done it by now.

If she could change, I think she would have done it by now.

The reality is that there are significant differences in living environments, educational approaches, and mainstream societal values between the two generations.

Of course, there are going to be differences in how they think and how they were brought up. That's just how it is.

It's just that Mom thinks her way is the right way, and she's been using it for decades. If she doesn't realize on her own that she needs to change, then we won't be able to change her.

Is there nothing we can do? Actually, there is still something we can do. For example, accept our mother for who she really is and let go of our expectations of her.

If we stop expecting our mothers to fully understand us, approve of us, and appreciate us, will our hearts feel any differently when they don't?

I think there will be changes. At the very least, we won't feel aggrieved or disappointed because she didn't do it.

This can help protect our emotions from being affected by our mothers.

On the other hand, we can also accept our mothers for who they really are. Once we realize that our mothers were limited by their environment and upbringing, that they're just ordinary people with limitations, and that it's okay that they can't do everything perfectly,

By this point, we may have a better grasp on who our mothers really are. They're just regular folks like us.

Then there will be limitations, and these will be influenced by the environment, culture, and way of education.

3. Try to meet your own needs and take responsibility for them.

From what we can see in the post, the host is 26 years old and has grown up. They're no longer a child. At this time, we have our own thinking system, abilities, and resources.

Right now, we need to take responsibility for our own needs, emotions, and lives. Our mothers might not see our efforts, but we know what we've done.

Mom's self-doubt is her own business. We can find our own needs through our relationship with her, and once we find our own needs, we can satisfy them ourselves.

So, after we've taken care of our own needs, will we still have so many emotions?

In the adult world, nobody can be forced to understand or agree with you. But you know yourself best, and you know what you need and what kind of company you need.

Even if others don't understand us, we can still understand ourselves. Even if others don't like us, we can still like ourselves. It's important to love yourself.

This is something we need to work on.

4. Give it a go: build your own defense system.

The reason a computer is able to function normally is not because it is virus-free, but because it has a firewall. Similarly, no relationship can have only good sides and no bad sides.

So, if we use our own defense system to protect ourselves from the bad parts of a relationship and focus on the good parts, will we feel more relaxed and at ease in the relationship?

So, can we put together our own defense system? And how do we go about doing that?

I believe we should construct our own internal evaluation of ourselves. Once we have a clear and objective understanding of ourselves, how will we respond when others talk about us?

Do we stop to think about whether what she says is reasonable, objective, or not; whether it is in line with ourselves and whether it is the truth? Do we think like this?

If it doesn't match, do we just ignore it? That way, no one can hurt us.

We should remember that only we can hurt ourselves. So, the original poster might want to think about his own upbringing and ask his friends what they think of him.

This is a great way to understand yourself better and create your own internal evaluation system.

5. Learn new ways of communicating.

Dealing with a mother who uses oppressive education can be really tough. But it's still possible to express our feelings.

You can express your feelings by describing the facts, expressing your feelings, and asking your mother what to do (of course, the request is not forced). If you're interested in this specific communication model, you can read the book "Nonviolent Communication." It has helped many people.

I hope these tips are helpful and inspiring for you. I'm Zeng Chen, a certified psychosynthesis coach. If you have any questions, you can click on Find a Coach and you'll find me.

Hello, answerer!

From your story, I can tell that you are a person with your own rhythm, able to calm down and prepare for the life you want.

You have a lot of work to do, so you plan ahead, work overtime methodically, and arrange for time off. You get less than five hours of sleep a night, but you don't feel tired or complain because you're preparing for your dream!

All of this makes you feel really worthwhile, doesn't it?

* There is a girl you like, but she isn't feeling the spark just yet. You're not looking for the next one too fast or feeling down and out about it. Instead, you're putting in the work to win her over with your sincerity.

* You are self-disciplined, have goals, and the ability to execute, but being criticized and rejected by your mother made you feel as if all your strength had been taken away in an instant. It's totally understandable that the self-confident person you once were seemed like nothing more than an illusion.

Your mother said some pretty hurtful things, didn't she? Like, "You're not the type to prepare for an exam." And, "You're ugly, so you can't find a girlfriend." I'm sure you've taken all of this to heart.

In your story, there's a big difference between how your mom sees you and how you see yourself.

You're really proud of yourself!

You're so good at taking the initiative to arrange work and exams. And you have such great ideas and take action!

[Your mother is used to rejecting and suppressing you.

I know it can be tough when your mom doesn't approve of you.

I know it can feel really negative when your mum disapproves, don't you think?

* After reading this, I want to give you a big hug and a big pat on the back!

1. Moms are super important! They play a big role in how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves.

You're 26 years old, have a great job, and are super motivated! It's totally normal to still be affected by your mom's attitude, even at your age.

2. You are not alone! And you are so much more than just an ordinary person.

In "The Three of Us," Yang Jiang said something really interesting. She said that Qian Zhongshu's father felt that one of Qian Zhongshu's cousins was the ideal son.

Director Jiang Wen is famous and wealthy, but he can never get his mother's approval or praise. His mother is always unhappy, and it's so hard for him to make her happy, no matter what he does!

3. It's possible that your mother's opinion of you is influenced by her own internal biases and preconceptions. It's also possible that she isn't truly dissatisfied with you, but rather with herself.

It can be really tough for people who are feeling unhappy with themselves to truly approve of others.

As we grow up, it's really important to learn how to tell the difference between other people's feelings and our own, and between what other people think and what we think.

[How a mother views you is her choice]

You have the power to choose how you see yourself.

5. It's so sad when someone you love is always there to deny you.

I've put in so much hard work, and I'd really love to see you recognize that. I'm not asking for much, just a little praise here and there.

This is really tough on the child. I'm sure there's also a part of you that's hurting deeply.

6. Give yourself a big hug! It's not your fault.

Your mom's actions are influenced by her own life experiences and perceptions formed during her early years.

We can't control how others treat us, but we can control how we react to it.

7. It's always great to get positive feedback from friends, peers, and leaders!

It can be really tough when someone always says we are bad, but most other people still think we are good.

So, it's possible that the person who says we're wrong might not be right after all.

8. It would be really great if we could all take a moment to review our evaluation system. This could be our own, our mothers', or that of other significant people in our lives.

It's so important to have lots of different ways of getting feedback on ourselves. This helps us to understand ourselves better and feel more confident.

9. I would really love it if my mom could feel the pain she's caused me. It hurts so much when she rejects me.

This feeling is like giving your life's sovereignty to your mother, which is a bit much, don't you think?

You're the boss of my feelings, and you can judge me if you want to.

I can only take it as it comes, you know?

I wish I could, but I can't do anything about it. I can't change my mother, but I'm trying my best!

I'm a hurt little child.

10. At this point, you've let go of your power over your life. You're a wounded child now.

It's time to let go of our expectations of our mothers and embrace the child within us as we work together to bring out the powerful side of ourselves.

Let's remind the child that we're not just little kids anymore. We can't just let others judge us. We can do things and do them quite well! We are much stronger now than we were before.

11. When you feel hurt, you're just being a little hard on yourself, aren't you? We all are, sometimes. We're not perfect, but we can do a lot.

I do have some power, and that's something to be proud of!

Here's a helpful tip:

Our relationships with our mothers can have a big impact on how we grow and develop throughout our lives. When our mothers show us love and appreciation, it can give us a lot of motivation.

But don't worry! We can also give ourselves a little pat on the back when we grow up.

Next time you feel down and doubt yourself because of your mother's criticism, try this:

My sweet mother gave me a bit of a talking to. (Fact)

My mom doesn't always see me in the best light, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love me. She has her own perspective, and what she says about me isn't the whole truth. (Fact)

It hurts me when my mom criticizes me. I know she doesn't mean to, but it still hurts.

My sadness shows that I care about my mother and want to be valued. (Emotion + expectation)

It's her prerogative how she sees me. (The truth)

I can stop expecting her to affirm me and just bury myself in my dreams. (What I can really do)

It's pretty normal for mothers to give us a bit of constructive criticism, don't you think?

It's totally normal to feel aggrieved, sad, angry, and depressed.

I know you don't mean it, but it still feels like you shouldn't talk about me like that. I know you love me and you should see the good in me.

It's this idea of what we should and shouldn't do that can really hurt us the most.

"Recognizing your own thoughts of this kind (you should) is the first step to a happy, free mother-child relationship."

I really hope my answer helps you out!

I would like to extend my congratulations to the questioner, who has demonstrated an awareness of his own inner feelings.

1. I am currently experiencing a significant decline in hope and strength.

This feeling is not uncommon. It is important to understand why a mother's words can impact one's inner strength. The reason is that this strength was never truly yours to begin with.

This is also related to the way your mother raised you as a child, pushing and urging you, driving you from the outside. The purpose of your actions is to cope with these drives, which are also the source of your inner strength. A single remark from your mother can have a significant impact on your ability to cope.

2. Delegate the influence of external parties and focus on rebuilding your own capabilities.

You were originally in a great learning state, highly motivated at work, and full of energy for the future. However, in the face of your mother's mockery and humiliation, you feel like you have lost your motivation. Your mother has taken away some of the strength she gave you, and the road ahead will be even more challenging. It is therefore crucial to build up your own true strength at this difficult time. I would advise you not to ask your mother for her support for your inner self.

It would be beneficial for you to identify an inner motivation that is genuinely yours and an inner strength that is not susceptible to external influence. This will help you to maintain your resilience in the face of similar challenges in the future.

3. Determination and confidence without external interference

"The fact that you are not prepared to take the exam" negatively impacts your confidence. You doubt yourself, compromise, and conclude that there is no point in taking the exam. This lack of confidence and certainty in your abilities has a negative effect on your strength and motivation.

This is just my personal opinion, and I hope to gain further insight with the original poster into the inner workings of the mind.

It's so important to remember that too much suppression can easily cause a person to collapse inside, and their self-confidence will slowly disappear. I'm sure your mother's suppressive education may have had a very lasting impact on your life. Even if you don't have a mortgage or car loan right now, it doesn't mean that your life will be better.

You're preparing for exams to get a better job, and you still have your own love to pursue. Even if the person you like doesn't like you back, you're not discouraged and you won't give up. You'll still try to break through your inner shackles and increase your energy.

I know you're really busy with your job and exams. It's so hard to fit everything in! But I just wanted to remind you that it's important to take care of yourself. You need to give yourself a space to be alone sometimes.

Because other people may tease you in various ways, which is also very hurtful. You can free yourself from your mother's teasing and sarcasm. This is not the kind of hurt you need, because there are already many things in the world that are hitting us and making us feel a lot of pain, which easily makes us feel inferior and painful.

You really don't need to be influenced by your parents' sarcasm. It's best to fill yourself with hope and strength again. You can be independent of your parents' opinions, their subjective sarcasm, and their meaningless put-downs. Don't listen, don't believe, and don't internalize. That's the attitude we need to maintain. You can also consider having more independent living space of your own. I recommend that you take the necessary inner animal archetype psychological test to understand the direction of your future efforts. Come on, I know you can do it!

ZQ?

Hello, question asker!

You're 26, you have a job, you're in the prime of life, you're in the best age group, you have a job, no mortgage, and you're at the right age. But there are still too many things that aren't as good as you'd like. Is it fair to say that it's difficult for everyone to satisfy their desires? If you're satisfied in one area, you'll want the other. But think about it: it's precisely because our desires can't be satisfied that we have the motivation to pursue life. Didn't President Xi also say, "The people's yearning for a better life is our great goal"?

I can see that you've set yourself a great goal: to make the work you're not very happy with better through your own efforts, and to make the people who aren't very happy with you want to do the same over time. I really admire you for being so self-motivated and for being able to assess the situation so well. Let me give you a big compliment first.

I can see you've been trying your best. The professional exam is really not easy. Without exceptional self-discipline, studying is really not something that anyone can do. Not to mention that your workload at the company is still so high. Oh, you even had to make such a big effort to take leave for the exam. And you gradually solved the difficulty of taking leave, which you thought was impossible, through your own efforts. These past two weeks have really been very hard, studying and working, to the extent that rest is not well ensured. Seeing that you are on the verge of success, I didn't expect that because it's Saturday today, you can relax a little, and you got this "reward" from me a little late.

To be honest, when I read what you wrote:

"Are you really going to take the exam like this? Do you want to take the exam?" Your mother added a dismissive snort.

I felt like I'd lost everything in an instant, all my hope and strength.

I can picture that scene between you and your mother so clearly, especially that dismissive snort from your mom. I could tell you were on the verge of blowing up, confident that you'd achieve your vacation goal through hard work today and then put a satisfying end to all your efforts over the past few days.

It's tough to predict the future. I never thought my mom would give you such a "reward" in the morning. I think this matter is over, at least eight hours ago. Your mood should have calmed down a little. Think about it: can you blame your mom for saying that?

Think about it. Your 26-year-old mother is now almost 50, right?

He has his own life experiences, his own limitations, and his own personality. I agree with you that he has always been the one to suppress you with his education. So, when he said this to you today, it was his normal reaction. If you think about it, you can't really blame him, can you?

I think that in the past two weeks, your mother may not have noticed your efforts because you were working, always working overtime, and studying hard at the office. I guess you studied at home, away from your mother's watchful eye, and she has no idea how much you've learned, let alone what happened at the office. I don't think you'll tell your mother everything, either. If that's the case, your mother, who is in the dark, will only see that you're getting up late today. And she's also worried because the exams are drawing near. You're supposed to be relaxing this Saturday, but for you, it's time to study, not work. When will you study?

She doesn't know about your hard work. You motivate yourself, and your hard work is in places he can't see. Of course he worries for you and cares about you. That's why he said what he did. For a 50-year-old mother, their methods of education are really very limited. In fact, it's not just a 15-year-old mother. I think it's probably good to be in the position of a parent. It's really not just your mother who speaks in such a simple and rude way. Many of his peers make this kind of mistake, and some of them are even highly educated. In fact, speaking of it, it's because of the human brain. The brain just makes simple inferences to save itself the trouble and puts the blame on the other person.

If you read this, you'll see that your mother just doesn't understand you. What else can we do except work hard and strive for our set goals? But I feel that if you feel in your heart that your mother doesn't understand you,

How can all my hard work be for nothing? If your mother's words have made you lose motivation, you could try talking to her. Tell her about all the hard work you've done and the results you've achieved. In other words, show her your performance and tell her how you feel.

If you can let go now, there's no need to show it to your mother. What we need to do is show our mother with our even greater efforts in the future. What your mother says isn't a decree, and what he says isn't a cure-all. If he says we can't do it, then we can't do it. If he says we can only do well on the exam if we study hard, then we'll use our own hard work to achieve results in the future, and let that dismissive snort turn into a surprised "ahhhhh".

Let him ask why you're getting up so late and why you don't smile much, given your impressive results.

Try to catch him off guard. If you can avoid arguing, then you don't have to argue with him. Just let the anger inside you build up slowly, and use today's action by your mother as motivation to move forward.

Is that how your mother treats you? You're like a cockroach that just won't die. A little pressure makes you stronger. Really, everything is up to you, especially since we're 26 and can be independent. We have our own salaries and don't need to do what our mothers tell us. Really, if you don't look at your mother's face, then believe me when I say that a young man who is so full of himself still pays attention to his mother's disdainful scoffing.

I said it before, and I'll say it again: a prime minister's stomach can hold a boat. Let's become a big boat this time. Regardless of our mothers, we should focus on our goals, work hard, and push forward. If we can change our jobs and find one we're happy with, it shows we have the motivation to improve and aren't resigned to our current situation. We have this motivation, and if we work hard, we'll find a job and a partner. Think about it—if you find someone you like, you'll succeed!

You can overcome any challenge and pursue your goals with courage. Everything will get better, and then everything will really be fine!

I know striving is never easy, and it always involves trials and tribulations. At work, you've made it possible to take leave, which was almost impossible before, thanks to your hard work. I think that for a mother who uses a repressive approach to education, for a 26-year-old like you, and for someone who is now striving upward with great enthusiasm, it is more like a light rain, which poses no threat to you. It will only slightly relieve the pressure on you, who is already working at full capacity, before you gather even more courage to forge ahead.

I wish you all the best in your career and in your love life! The world and I love you!

Good day, question asker. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

The issues you are currently facing are of a familial nature. I extend to you my sincerest regards.

Let us now proceed to an analysis of the problem at hand.

First, the notion that "home is a place where love is always spoken of, but reason is seldom heard" is worthy of consideration.

Secondly, it is unclear whether the original poster has read the book A Change of Heart.

As the book elucidates, there are three fundamental categories of concern in this world: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of a higher power.

As with the questioner, the decision of how to prepare for the on-the-job exam is at your discretion.

It is possible that the mother's observation was merely a superficial one. During the period of the examination, the subject continued to work and remained at the office until late each day. Consequently, after returning home, there was likely little time available for reviewing the material.

Accordingly, it is your assessment that you should rise early on weekends to compensate for the review you have neglected during the week.

It is estimated that as long as you continue to reside in the family home, your mother will persist in her nagging.

If one is dissatisfied with the level of nagging one's mother employs, there is but one solution.

It is recommended that during the period of exam preparation, one should reside independently.

Following the conclusion of the examination period, I will return to my familial residence to reside with my mother.

It is my sincere hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved in the near future.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

It is my sincere hope that my above answer will prove both helpful and inspiring to you. I am the answer, and I study assiduously each and every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and wish you the best of success.

Hello, host! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm Warmhearted Orange, a listening expert on the platform and also a Samsung answerer. I really hope my answer is helpful!

From what you've shared, it's clear that your mother has had a big impact on you.

It's so understandable that you've internalized your mother's expectations and evaluations of you as your own life goals. This is why you're struggling so hard to change your life, and why your motivation to work can be so easily crushed by your mother's short sentence.

Secondly, for the original poster: It's totally normal to have a special longing for your mother's approval.

As a 26-year-old man, you really need a lot of support from your mom and dad, don't you?

I truly believe that whether you're working hard or trying to change your life by passing an exam, there's a very strong driving force behind it. It comes from the desire to gain your mother's recognition and affirmation.

I get the feeling that this is what your life is all about right now. I bet when your mom was younger, she also kept pushing you to keep going.

But this approach will only bring you a lot of self-doubt, a lot of pressure, a lot of feelings of not being recognized, and loneliness, right? I totally get it. You really, really want to use it, whether it's at work, whether it's passing an exam at work, whether it's finding a girlfriend, or whether it's using this approach to prove yourself, "I can do it."

I totally get why you feel so strongly about your mom's words.

It's because your mom's support and praise really inspire you to learn and keep growing. Everything you do, whether it's working overtime, studying for exams, or succeeding in exams, is because you really want your mom to see how dedicated you are and how hard you're working.

It's so sad - she always uses his understanding of high standards and demands, as well as her complete lack of knowledge and complete lack of understanding, to completely criticize and blame you.

Hello, question asker! I'm happy to discuss your question with you.

Give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and some encouragement. Keep moving forward on your own path. You're doing a great job!

From what the questioner has said, it seems like the questioner's mother wants to control the questioner. She scolds the questioner and even discourages him, which makes the questioner feel very depressed, right? I'm curious about how the questioner's father communicates with the questioner at home.

What's the father's role in the family? What's his take on the exam?

It seems like the questioner's mother doesn't understand him and is ignoring his plans. Why might that be? Was she neglected by her family when she was a child?

The way the questioner's mother is acting now is probably a result of how she was raised by her biological family. It's possible that her biological family was too controlling when she was young, and didn't allow her to express her emotions.

If you want to pursue the life you want, you have to make a lot of plans. But if you're going it alone, you might feel a little lonely.

If you get hit by a blow, you won't be able to support yourself. I'm not sure if the questioner has told his family about his plans.

Or maybe you could find some like-minded colleagues to work with?

How did the original poster communicate with his parents? Apart from his mother, who discouraged him, were there any family members or friends who supported him?

Have you thought about all these questions?

Because of the question the questioner asked on the platform, we can't go into a lot of detail about the question itself. So I'll just give you a quick answer about the questioner's family of origin:

It's important to understand how your mother treats you.

Why did the mother treat the questioner this way? Could it be that the mother's own upbringing and approach to parenting was shaped by her own experiences as a child?

It could be down to circumstances. It's possible that your mother's generation had a tough time just getting by, and didn't have the chance to learn how to love, how to raise children, or how to run a household.

If the questioner's parents were also rarely cared for with meticulous attention and were also treated like the questioner when they grew up, they brought the trauma of their original family into the family they formed and unconsciously repeated the same mistakes.

So, there are no perfect parents or perfect families in this world. Maybe parents also faced too much inappropriate education and demands in their childhood, and it's easy for them to develop fixed thinking, believing that they should adopt a certain approach when encountering a certain thing. This is due to the limitations of life and the subtle influence of others. Even the treatment they suffered in their childhood may be transferred to their children, or they may look for the treatment they expect to receive in their children.

It's okay to express and share your inner pain.

If you're ready to move on from this experience, you can share your thoughts online or with your family or a counselor.

If you don't feel like talking to others, you can also talk to pets, plants, and dolls. If you can, I still recommend that the questioner seek professional counseling from a counselor. You can also find someone to share your emotions with on the Yi Xinli platform. Pouring out your heart can help you release the negative emotions brought on by your childhood.

When dealing with your mother, it's important to express your emotions clearly and communicate well with your family. It's also a good idea to get support from friends and family. From what the questioner has said, it seems like they've fallen into a depressed mood due to their mother's actions.

My advice to the questioner is to try expressing their emotions in a bold way, so they can really pour out their true thoughts and feelings. It might be a good idea to communicate with your family in advance, so you can get stronger support from them!

It's important to learn how to handle your emotions.

If you feel an emotion coming on and you want to do something about it, you should know what you want to do and what you want to express.

What emotions do I want to release? Could the way I release them hurt my mother?

If you don't want to hurt your mother, you can also find ways to release these negative emotions. When you feel them coming on, take a deep breath, count to 10 in your mind, and then see what you can do.

It's important to learn to accept yourself.

Do more of the things you enjoy and focus on what makes you happy. Embrace your personality and don't be afraid to treat yourself when you're feeling down.

If you want to feel happy, you can also eat something sweet. Sweet things make you feel happy, and they make your body feel happy too. It's important to make yourself happy without harming others.

Don't let negative emotions take over your life.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question!

The question reminds me of a quote I read yesterday.

"All misfortune comes from caring about each other."

Life has many problems, troubles, and pressures.

1. Work-related frustrations; 2. Relationship frustrations; 3. Lack of support from family; 4. Anxiety about taking a break.

Our mothers worry that we are still immature and unable to handle life's challenges. This is often because we lack effective communication and understanding.

My mother was always angry. No matter what I did, it was wrong. I felt like I couldn't do anything right. I felt like I had to follow her plan for my life, but I didn't. My mother had her reasons, but I didn't follow her plan. I didn't have support or trust, and it still affects me today. I never felt confident or brave.

But this is not a problem. Talking to my mother about our feelings helps us grow up. I believe in you, just as I believe in myself.

I want to know if the OP's family is a single-parent family. You can send a private message.

Hello, questioner!

And I see your problem. At that moment, I see a child who longs for his mother's warm embrace and support. He stands there, discouraged, disappointed, and aggrieved, but I know he can do it!

He is innocent, and he just needs simple support and encouragement. His mother could really help him out by paying more attention to him and showing him more respect. I understand how you feel. You are powerless against your mother's behavior, which has no boundaries and shows no respect for other people. Just like your title says, your mother's approach to education is "blunt." It can be said that children who grow up under this model really have a hard time!

After reading your description, I feel that you are an amazing person who can arrange your life and work rhythm very well. You have made excellent plans for your future! You are so methodical and live and work at your own pace. You are full of energy right now, just as you said, and I admire your energy! With reasonable arrangements, you can also cope and be full of energy.

This is what people often refer to as adjusting your energy channel. This rhythm is the rhythm that suits you, and this frequency is the frequency that suits you!

You know your own situation very well, for example, your work and life, including your favorite people. But it seems that your mother does not approve of your current situation. Due to her usual way of communication, she will accuse and criticize you, sometimes making you feel like she is personally attacking you.

She is anxious and worried about the future, and these reactions come from the bottom of her heart. In other words, if your mother has anxiety and worries about the future, and projects these onto you, she will see that you are not doing well in these areas. But don't worry! This is something you can work on together.

For example, on the eve of the college entrance exam, many parents are more anxious than the candidates themselves, afraid that their children will not do well, thinking that their children are not good at this or that...

The mother is also a pitiful person. Usually, mothers who educate their children in this way were also brought up in this way when they were young. They received no encouragement or support, so they don't know how to give encouragement and support to their children. But there's hope! There are plenty of other behavior models in their memory, and they can choose to realize the harm this does to you and pass on a different, more encouraging education to you.

It's so frustrating when we're accused like this! Sometimes we even start to believe that maybe we really are as bad as our mothers say we are.

But is that really the case? Is that accusation true? Let's find out!

At this point, it's time for a quick reality check: Is she telling the truth? Does she really understand you?

Once you know your own situation, you can take control and reduce the damage caused by your mother's accusations. Because things are not as bad as she thinks!

Facing such a mother, we are really aggrieved and even angry. But how do we express our dissatisfaction?

How do you speak up for yourself? Let's find out!

I'm excited to share a passage from "The Journey of True Love" that is also a method!

It's time to recognize the fact that we have been violated! The other person has crossed the line, and it's time to take back control. They had no right to speak to me in that way, or to interfere in my affairs.

It's time to embrace that rising anger within us and feel it, like a raging fire that is gradually expanding. When you feel it, your anger is under your awareness, so you won't do or say anything you'll regret later.

Say NO to the violation, YES to the person!

Parents also have the opportunity to learn to respect their children as "people" and not as their possessions. You can say no to your mother!

You can tell your mother: "I wish you would encourage and support me! I've been trying so hard to plan my life, and I'm excited to see what the future holds!"

Please, please be assured and respect me!

I'm sure you'll find the content in these books really helpful! Why not take a look at "Nonviolent Communication" and "Embrace Your Inner Child" when you have some free time?

I wish you the absolute best of luck with your exams!

From the first half of the message, it seems that the author is striving to achieve a life they want, and they appear motivated and self-disciplined. In the second half of the message, however, the author seems to be portraying themselves as a child who is aggrieved, perhaps a little helpless, and perhaps a little angry.

No matter how many things go wrong, the questioner will find a way to change them. However, it seems that the mother's discouraging education may have been the last straw that broke the camel's back. It's possible that a light remark was perceived as being as heavy as Mount Tai, weighing you down and preventing you from moving.

No matter how many things go wrong, the questioner will find a way to change them. However, it seems that the mother's disdain and discouraging education became the last straw that broke the camel's back. It's as if a light remark was as heavy as Mount Tai, weighing you down and preventing you from moving.

How might we begin to address this sense of powerlessness? The following sharing is offered with the hope that it might provide some perspective for your consideration.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider taking the initiative to establish a more neutral and respectful dynamic with your mother. This could involve limiting the influence of her direct approach to parenting and focusing on fostering a more stable and constructive relationship in an adult role.

While the message only presents a fragment of the mother's parenting style, the overwhelming sensation is still evident. It is plausible that this approach has been a long-standing aspect of the mother's parenting approach.

It is not uncommon for words spoken by a mother over a long period of time to affect our self-perception. It is therefore understandable that we may find ourselves reverting to the role and state of a child in conversations with our mothers.

As a way of overcoming these negative effects, you might like to consider returning to your adult role in your conversations with your mother. This could involve re-examining the credibility of your mother's remarks from an adult perspective.

Similarly, you might consider viewing your mother in a different light. Instead of seeing her as your mother, you could imagine her as a strict parent scolding her adult child.

It might be helpful to view the situation from an independent third-person perspective, which could allow us to consider the situation more comprehensively and objectively.

It might be helpful to view the same thing again from an independent third-person perspective, which could allow us to look at the phenomenon from a more comprehensive and objective perspective.

If it is at all possible, it might be helpful to try to maintain a certain distance from your mother in the physical sense. Mothers' speech habits and ways of thinking are set in stone and can become more stubborn with age.

If it is at all possible, you might like to consider starting to keep some distance from your mother, at least in the physical sense. Mothers' speech habits and ways of thinking are often set in stone and can become more stubborn with age.

It can be challenging to change mothers and make them aware of the potential negative impact of their speech patterns on their children. One option to consider is taking the initiative to make some adjustments on your own, while maintaining the intimacy between mother and child and fighting for your own independent space.

Secondly, spending time alone can help you find a sense of self-determination.

The first half of the message describes a journey of overcoming difficulties and finding one's ideal life.

This in itself demonstrates your inner strength, resources, and determination.

It might be helpful to view the mother's voice as an external voice that can sometimes be destructive.

If you would like to reduce the impact of this negative voice, it may be helpful to focus on your inner strengths and abilities.

One possible approach to achieve this could be to:

You might consider keeping a daily success journal for yourself.

It may be helpful to record at least three things every day that help you identify your abilities or progress. For example:

Through your own efforts, you were able to take a vacation.

It would be beneficial to have a stable job.

It would be beneficial to maintain a balanced budget.

2. It might be helpful to communicate more with the people around you to affirm and encourage yourself.

It might be helpful to consider that the voice of your mother, however powerful, is still singular. If you have the opportunity to listen to feedback from others, it could help you see more of yourself in their eyes and gain a more three-dimensional and comprehensive understanding of yourself.

3. Consider offering a corrective to the shock education one may have received from one's mother.

One reason why a mother's critical education can be so damaging is that, to a large extent, the identity of being a mother's child can cause us to unconsciously internalize our mother's voice, which can then become our own.

As adults, we have the opportunity to consider how we might make these voices a little different, like Mom's sentence:

"Would you like to take the exam in this state of mind? Do you think you'll be ready to take the exam?"

I must say, I'm a bit surprised.

Mom is concerned that you may not have had the opportunity to study as much as you would have liked, and she is happy to help you prepare for the exam.

Mom is concerned that you may not have had the opportunity to study as much as you would have liked, and she is happy to help you prepare for the exam together.

I believe I have the ability to do so, and I am also putting in enough effort.

If the mother's shock education has left a lasting impression on you, you might benefit from counseling.

The influence of the original family on the individual can sometimes be challenging to navigate on one's own. It might be helpful to consider inviting professionals to join you in addressing these difficulties in life together.

I believe that different perspectives and interpersonal interactions could potentially offer you the opportunity to view and deal with the difficulty from a more systematic and comprehensive perspective.

In this role, I serve as a psychologist, not a human behavior analyst. My focus is on the emotional well-being of individuals. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

I am grateful for the opportunity to meet with you today.

It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you.

It is evident that you are a meticulous planner, a highly organized individual, and someone who is capable of persevering through adversity. You are driven by a strong sense of motivation, yet the unwarranted accusations from your mother have led to feelings of irritation, distress, sadness, and helplessness. These negative emotions have also manifested in your academic performance and work. I commend you for maintaining a positive outlook despite the prolonged pressure you have faced, and I empathize with you when you are confronted with such challenging circumstances.

First, I will offer you a warm embrace.

I have a number of suggestions that I hope will be of assistance to you.

Firstly, it is imperative to consistently encourage oneself and enhance one's self-assurance. Frequently, it is unfeasible to circumvent the influence of negative energy in life, particularly from family members such as mothers, whose words can readily impact one's outlook. We tend to place greater emphasis on the affirmation and encouragement of our family. However, numerous individuals may not have parents who comprehend and endorse their decisions. As we mature, our sense of security emanates from within. We motivate ourselves and remain undeterred by negative sentiments.

Secondly, it is important to accept your mother. Her family of origin may have caused her to become unskilled at expressing herself and unable to show affection. Additionally, she may engage in inappropriate behaviors due to anxiety. Despite these issues, your mother still loves you and wants you to succeed in college, improve yourself, and find a romantic partner. She worries about you constantly, but the way she expresses herself is something you cannot change. It is crucial to accept her and forgive her. It is also possible that she has experienced significant challenges in her family of origin or in her daily life, which may have caused her to become negative and pessimistic.

Thirdly, it is imperative to remain true to oneself. Having a well-defined future plan and an intimate understanding of one's own capabilities is crucial. It is unwise to concern oneself with the opinions of others. If there is room for improvement, it should be addressed; if not, continued dedication and effort are essential.

I wish you the best of luck! As the old adage goes, opportunities are always for the prepared.

It is imperative to pursue your objectives with unwavering determination and resilience. It is crucial to detach from emotional influences and to apply oneself assiduously to the task at hand.