A 26-year-old man, how should he inform his partner about the post-operation of his congenital heart disease?

Hello, I'm Guo Jing, a therapist. Thanks for your question.

Your story makes me feel your confusion, worry, and fear. I never imagined that an operation from years ago would affect your life now. It seems to be why your last relationship ended, and you're afraid to start a new one.

You had surgery for your heart defect when you were about five. You've recovered and it hasn't affected your life. You've never considered it a problem. If you didn't associate it with the breakup, you wouldn't have taken it seriously.

You're treating it as a trigger for your breakup. It's not. You're confused. Ask yourself: "What is the condition of my congenital heart disease?"

You were young when you had the operation, and your parents made many decisions for you. You never cared about the details, but now you want to pay more attention to them. As an adult, you can do this in many ways! Just ask your parents for details, go to the hospital for a check-up, and seek expert advice.

Once you understand the situation, you can decide if congenital heart disease affects your life.

You may be struggling with the suddenness of the breakup and not knowing the reason. To let this matter come to a close in your heart, you attribute it to her disliking your congenital heart disease. Looking for a reason helps us understand others and respond accordingly. People need certainty, and finding an explanation is important. This process is called attribution.

People have three ways of understanding things: internal and external causes, stability and instability, and controllability and uncontrollability. It makes sense to look for reasons in all six of these areas. If you think that congenital heart disease was the only reason the relationship ended, it is internal, stable, and uncontrollable. It is natural to feel nervous and anxious. But is there really no other reason?

Congenital heart disease and love may be two different things. When you confessed to her, she didn't say anything. You were still worried?

If you confess again, consider the timing and clarify what others think. She said the families were not compatible. This suggests she was considering other factors, increasing the scope of attributions.

You can use congenital heart disease to find true love.

Your current situation will pass. I hope my ideas help.

I love you!

As indicated in the message, the experience of congenital heart disease in childhood has presented challenges in your romantic relationships as an adult.

On the one hand, you can feel that in a romantic relationship, you still expect honesty. On the other hand, your experience of being in a relationship that ended after a month of honesty has left you with lingering concerns.

In light of these challenges, I am sharing the following insights with the hope that they will provide some ideas and perspectives to help you navigate this matter to some extent:

1. Consider a reframing of your views on congenital heart disease.

Inherited diseases are often perceived as problematic by those who have them. Even if a cure was obtained at an early age, the body's memory can still cause unease about living with the disease.

I am curious to know your personal views on this disease.

From the message, I can discern your concern about the disease, specifically the fear of falling in love again and the worry of holding the other person back. This concern may be rooted in two underlying factors:

1. The concern that the disease may recur.

2. The concern that the disease may be passed on genetically and affect future generations.

I am not a medical professional, but I have researched the relevant information online and learned the following, which I hope you will find useful as a reference:

Congenital heart disease is a broad category of conditions, encompassing over 50 distinct types. For the majority of these conditions, surgical treatment can effectively address the underlying issue and prevent recurrence. However, recurrence is possible in some cases, and the likelihood is influenced by various factors.

2. This disease is not hereditary. The current large-scale clinical evidence and evidence-based medical proof indicate that there is no necessary relationship between congenital heart disease and heredity. In other words, if the parents do not have congenital heart disease, the child may also have this problem.

Furthermore, there is no causal relationship between parental experience of heart disease and the subsequent development of congenital heart disease in their children.

(The above is quoted from Baidu knowledge.)

Our perception of a disease can affect our emotions and behavior. Therefore, if the questioner has significant concerns about this disease, they are encouraged to consult with a medical professional to gain a better understanding of its impact and to identify any necessary adjustments to their behavior in the relationship.

Secondly, honesty is the foundation of an intimate relationship, and there are ways to be honest.

Secondly, honesty is the foundation of an intimate relationship, and there are ways to be honest.

I would like to express my gratitude for the questioner's commitment to honesty in love. For the general public who have not previously understood congenital heart disease, it is indeed not an easy thing to accept at first.

Such actions can easily lead to misunderstandings and difficulties at the outset of a relationship. However, it is also important to note that deliberate concealment is not advisable.

It is important to note that the manner in which information is conveyed can vary depending on the nature of the relationship and the attitudes of the individuals involved. In such cases, it is essential for the questioner to exercise flexibility and make informed decisions based on the specific circumstances of the individual in question.

In addition to physical health, there are numerous other factors that influence the level of compatibility between two individuals. For those who have recovered, such an experience can serve as a reference point for assessing the suitability of a potential partner.

If we are close to each other and need to discuss our past illness history, we have the opportunity to share accurate information about the disease when we are honest.

If you are close to each other and need to discuss your past illness, being familiar with the definition, causes, incidence, and treatment options of the disease allows you to share relevant knowledge in an honest manner, which can help alleviate the other party's concerns. This may even strengthen the relationship between you.

I am not probing human nature, but rather offering my expertise as a therapist who cares about the human heart. I wish you well.

I am not probing human nature, but rather offering guidance from a psychological perspective. My aim is to support you in achieving your goals.

Hello, question asker. I'm happy to answer your question.

The author has congenital heart disease, but it was cured after surgery. He was in a relationship and told the girl about his illness. They broke up. He thinks that his illness was the reason for the breakup and is worried that he won't be able to have a new relationship because of it.

You want to fall in love, but you're worried that you'll hold the other person back. It seems like you're in a bit of a conflict, don't you think?

First, give the questioner a pat on the shoulder and some encouragement. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and if you're honest with each other, love will come along one day.

Since the question was asked on this platform, I'll quickly address it here.

The foundation of marriage is honesty.

The third draft of the Civil Code's Marriage and Family Provisions says that if one person has a serious illness, they should tell the other person before the marriage is registered. If they don't, the other person can ask the marriage registration authority or the people's court to annul the marriage. This means that you have to tell your partner about your illness so that they can prepare mentally and so that they have the right to choose.

If you're the sentimental type and think the disease isn't serious enough to put you off, you'll probably say yes to the proposal. But if you can't accept it yourself, you might decide to call it off. And if your partner is hiding the illness and you only find out about it later, you might find it difficult to accept.

Some diseases can also affect your ability to have children, and even more so, the quality of your married life.

The foundation of marriage is honesty. This means sharing relevant information with your partner and being open about everything. It's not fair to keep a major illness a secret from your spouse. It can lead to problems in the marriage.

Since there was no clear legal definition in the past, and with the abolition of compulsory premarital medical examinations, some people wanted to make sure that the rice was cooked before it was cooked, thus tying the other person down. This may have really worked for some people, but it's a terrible idea.

If the questioner doesn't think their condition will affect their future marriage or the health of their future children, they should provide medical proof. This will help the girl feel more at ease when dating the questioner, which is good for the relationship.

Just being honest isn't enough in a relationship. There are lots of other things to think about, otherwise it'll be difficult to develop a good relationship.

The building blocks of love

When you're dating a girl, it's not enough to just like her. If you want to get married, you also have to see if you're a good match for each other. There are a lot of other things to think about.

(1) Get to know each other. If you're in love, it's important to get to know each other, understand each other's values, and whether the other person's personality is one you can get along with in the long term. It's also a good idea to try to get to know the other person's family. If the other person's family values are similar to your own, then you can consider taking your relationship further.

It's possible that, just like the first girlfriend of the questioner, the other person may also have considered the questioner's family. It's not entirely due to the questioner's physical factors or the questioner breaking up.

(2) Ask each other for favors. Once the two lovers have a basic understanding of each other, they can try to take their relationship to the next level. Sometimes they can try asking each other to do small favors to see if they can get the job done. This way, the two of them will help each other out and their relationship will grow closer.

(3) Pay close attention to the other person. Once you've got through all of the above, it's time to focus on the other person. When we're just in love, we all hope that the other person is a good person and that they're the beautiful person in our hearts.

It's only natural that we can't see the other person's flaws. Many couples are unhappy in their marriages because of this. So, it's worth observing how she treats ordinary people and those she doesn't know. If she's friendly and respectful to everyone, it shows that her character is still good.

In short, love is never a one-person affair, nor is it the result of unilateral thinking. You have to examine each other and be honest with each other. This is the only way to reap the rewards of a happy marriage.

I hope the questioner can find someone she's happy with soon and start a family early.

I hope my answer helps the questioner.

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is one of the most valuable gifts the body can receive.

From what you have shared, I can sense the challenges you are facing, including feelings of inner turmoil, worry, pain, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

I won't go into the details of the concerns that may arise from having undergone surgery for congenital heart disease at birth. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice:

If I may make a suggestion, it would be to try to accept your current situation.

I believe that if you allow yourself to do so, it will help you feel slightly lighter and give you the space to think about what you would like to do next.

You mentioned that you are a 26-year-old single man who had surgery for congenital heart disease when he was 5 years old and recovered. You didn't think there was anything wrong with you until a relationship you were in ended a month after you confessed to your partner. Although you don't know if this was the reason, it affected the way you treated romantic relationships afterwards. You became entangled in this matter and didn't even want to fall in love. In fact, your state of mind is understandable, because this incident will indeed affect some girls' perception of you, and their worries are understandable (because people tend to avoid harm and seek gain). It is also normal for you to be entangled and afraid (because you don't want to be hurt again, but this incident cannot be changed). So it might be helpful to try to accept your state of mind and "see" the entangled, but at the same time, painful you, which will give you extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your mind will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It is also important to allow yourself to try to accept your current situation, as this will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. While this may sound contradictory, it is in fact the case because change is based on allowing for no change.

If I might make a further suggestion, it would be to view your own state in a rational manner.

It may be helpful to consider that rational thinking can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and of reality.

To come to terms with this in a rational way, it would be helpful to do the following three things:

Perhaps it would be helpful to understand that this matter is already a fact and that the best course of action would be to accept it.

When you accept this yourself, it may be easier for others to accept it too, as the way others treat you can often reflect how you treat yourself.

It would be helpful for you to focus on the positive aspects of yourself. It seems that this situation may have caused you to lose confidence in yourself. It's important to remember that you still have many strengths. From your description, I can see that you have a strong ability to express yourself. The fact that you have come here for help shows that you are motivated. You also said that you are afraid to fall in love for fear of holding the other person back, which shows that you have a strong sense of empathy and are understanding. So you see, there are many things about you that are worthy of love, so it would be beneficial for you to believe in yourself.

Secondly, it is possible that the failure of the previous relationship may not be directly related to this matter, as you mentioned that the reason she gave for breaking up was that the families of both parties were not suitable.

It is also possible that this is not the reason for the breakup. Even if she does end the relationship because of this, it does not mean that you are bad or unworthy of love. Nobody is perfect, and you are healthy now, which is good. However, many people do not know much about this disease.

It would be beneficial for you to have faith in yourself and in love.

It would be helpful to understand that truly loving someone is loving them for who they are. It might also be helpful to believe that you can meet someone who can love you for who you are, because you are worth being loved.

Third, it may be helpful to remember that the status quo can be changed because you have the power to change.

If you put in the effort to take the initiative in your romantic relationships, you may find that your attitude towards them will naturally change, and you may even find happiness in a relationship.

Perhaps, if you consider the situation rationally, some of the negative emotions you are experiencing might begin to subside.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider what you can do to feel better.

When you take the time to think things through and assess your situation, you may also be able to identify a way forward. At this point, you can focus on yourself and try your best to do a good job.

For instance, you might consider doing some research to gain a better understanding of the potential challenges associated with this disease. It could be helpful to empathize with the concerns that the other person might have, such as whether it is hereditary, whether the operation might significantly impact future health, and so on. By developing a more objective and rational understanding of the disease, you can then explain it to the other person in a way that is more likely to be heard. I believe that through this process, you may find that the chances of inheriting the disease are quite low and that it will not have a significant impact on your health, given the advanced state of modern medical technology and the availability of effective treatment options. This could help to alleviate some of your concerns.

You might also consider enhancing your skills in various areas while embracing your strengths and working on your weaknesses. When you improve yourself, you may find that girls will approach you. It's important to remember that not all girls will focus on one aspect, and more mature and logical ones will likely consider the bigger picture. Displaying your talents could potentially lead to the start of a new relationship.

Perhaps you are concerned that if there is a suitable girl who is interested in a relationship with you, you are unsure of the best way to broach the subject or the ideal timing for doing so. It might be helpful to consider that, after the other person has had the chance to gain a deeper understanding of you, you could approach the topic in a clear and objective manner. This could potentially lead to a positive outcome, as the other person may perceive your sincerity and understand that this is not a significant issue. It's also important to remember that you have the capacity to take action and improve the situation.

When you take action, you may find that the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved, as action can sometimes be the best way to overcome these feelings.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss this further, you are welcome to click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I would be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello!

I'm so happy I can give you some advice!

From what you've told me, it's clear you're hoping for a great relationship. I can understand why you might feel a little insecure, given your congenital heart disease. In the past, you probably didn't think about it much because you're a patient yourself and had a heart operation when you were young and recovered. That's a wonderful thing!

From your perspective as a patient, being ill and getting better is a truly lucky and unforgettable experience that will make you cherish your life even more. For someone who has never had a congenital disease, they may feel that congenital diseases may be hereditary and may make the other person feel uncomfortable to a greater or lesser extent.

It's possible that your previous relationship ended for this reason, but we can't be completely sure.

You might feel a little down after hearing this, and you might even think, "Am I not worthy of a beautiful relationship?" I want you to know that you are worthy of such a relationship, and it will come to you soon.

I say that because we're all different and independent individuals, and that's a good thing!

In today's world, people may be a little cautious about congenital diseases, but there are also folks who hold every person and every life in high regard. If you're looking for someone to walk hand in hand with you for the rest of your life, then this person is right there with you, through the good times and the bad.

If, like in your previous relationship, she backed away when you told her about your congenital heart disease, it might mean that she's not ready to share the good times and the bad times with you. But don't worry! This is a good sign to confirm whether the other person is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's a good thing for you!

You're a sincere person, and you don't want to hide things from your partner. You told the truth, and that's great! Not everyone will accept it, but that's okay. We shouldn't deny the meaning of our existence just because there are people who won't accept it.

It's so important to remember that everyone's experiences are different. Some girls may feel that you have a congenital disease that was cured when you were young, and they'll be so grateful and thankful to have met you at such a beautiful age. They'll cherish you even more!

So, what do you think? It all depends on whether you're both ready to move forward together.

So, I really don't think your love life will be affected by having this congenital disease cured and being in particularly good health at the moment. We should definitely cherish our hard-won lives! We also know that heart disease will have a great impact on sports in the future. It's such a good thing that you were cured when you were young, which allows you to run better and feel the world better!

And I think that's also true for relationships. It's so important to go with the flow! We can start by adjusting our own inner state and how we perceive the situation.

***For example,

I'd love to share with you how I view congenital heart disease.

I'd love to know how you feel about being cured as a child!

So, now that I've been cured of this disease and I'm all grown up, what are my plans for the future?

I'd love to know what kind of person you'd like your partner to be!

I think this is a great chance for you to think about things like this. It'll help you to enrich your heart while also helping you to figure out what kind of life you want to live and what kind of partner you want to find.

I just know that once such a partner appears, you'll be ready to seize the opportunity and enjoy a happier relationship. And you'll have the courage to face the next new relationship that comes your way with confidence.

I wish you all the very best!

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page and I'll be in touch!

I'd also love to connect with you on the Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa.

Dear questioner,

I am so happy to have met you on the Yiyi Psychology platform!

I read the questioner's account of his own "story" with great interest. It's so inspiring to see how he's already mentally prepared to discuss this topic!

Absolutely! Before we can expect others to accept us, we must first accept ourselves. And when we do, we're mentally prepared for anything! We're in control and ready to embrace whatever the outcome may be.

I'm thrilled to share my thoughts on this topic for the questioner's reference!

Let's dive right in!

Hello everyone who likes psychology! I have a question I'd love to discuss with you. I'm a 26-year-old man, currently single.

I was born with congenital heart disease, diagnosed when I was about 4 years old, and had surgery for congenital heart disease when I was 5 years old. I have already recovered and my life has not been affected since. I am currently in good health and have never thought that there is anything wrong with me before, and I'm excited to share my story!

From a medical point of view, the great news is that most "congenital heart diseases" are not inherited. This means it is likely that the questioner's "congenital heart disease" is the same!

Furthermore, practice and time have proven that the diagnosis was made at the age of 4, the congenital heart disease surgery was performed at the age of 5, and the patient has long since recovered and is currently in good health. It's incredible to see how well the patient has done! There are absolutely no "aftereffects" due to the former "congenital heart disease."

— In this regard, the questioner has fully accepted the "objective fact" of "congenital heart disease" with a positive outlook. It's like having a "mark" on us that will remain for life, and it's something to be proud of! The prerequisite for being accepted by others is that we first accept it gladly ourselves. What does the questioner think?

In my last relationship, I was really open with her about it, and she was totally supportive.

But I was broken up with a month later, and the reason I was told at the time was that the families of both sides were not compatible. I don't know if there is a reason for this, and although I haven't started a new relationship yet, I have been struggling with this since then. I don't know how to start a new relationship with this problem, and I'm even a little afraid to fall in love again, worrying that I'll hold the other person back. After much deliberation, I decided to write about the problem, hoping to discuss it with all of you who like psychology.

When going through a relationship, the questioner confessed "this matter." I think it's a great idea to tell the other person before entering into a relationship. It shows your honesty and sufficient confidence! As for the fact that you were broken up, the reason given by the other person was "the two families are not compatible."

Let's accept this argument for now. There can be many reasons for a breakup, or no reason at all. If it really is because of "this thing," then it's a great idea to break up before things get too serious!

But what about this?

So, here's the big question: Did the previous relationship leave a "shadow"? Did it cause the questioner to develop a lack of confidence in themselves?

So that you are "confused/stuck/confused" before starting a new relationship? This is a key part that the questioner needs to think clearly about before starting a new relationship. Reflect carefully on what the specific content of your worries/confusion is.

— Is it the fear of having difficulty establishing a new relationship? Or is it the fear of repeating the previous "story"?

Or is it the "spiritual injury" caused by losing the relationship again after being "bitten by a snake" once? Once you figure out what you are afraid of/stuck in, you can move forward with a light heart!

It's so important to be mentally prepared to examine whether your relationship with yourself is harmonious and positive before establishing any kind of relationship. This includes:

Embrace all the amazing things about yourself, and the not-so-great things too! The perfect little things, the things you're working on, and everything in between.

Know what kind of life you want and what your goals are! What don't you want?

Having the ability to perceive one's emotions and feelings is an incredible gift. It allows us to manage our emotions and discover the "truth" behind them, as well as what we truly long for.

Knowing your own psychological boundaries in a relationship is a great way to keep things healthy and happy! Being able to control them while accepting that there are boundaries is a mature mindset.

The first thing we need to do is learn to love ourselves! When we love ourselves enough and feel that we are worthy of love, we become so attractive that love comes our way!

In summary, in response to the questioner's practical problem, perhaps, it can be dealt with in this way:

[1] Embrace all of your past experiences and objective facts, including the healing of your congenital heart disease and the vibrant, full life you now lead. Have faith that God has given you a love affair worth loving! Acceptance is the gateway to transforming your destiny.

[2] I wholeheartedly agree with the questioner's "frank and honest" approach! Such openness will not be plagued by the pain of hiding or lying.

Furthermore, whether from the perspective of marriage law or life medicine, we have an incredible opportunity to inform our significant other of any major illnesses, including congenital heart disease, before marriage. When you say you are going to get married, it means that the other person is your guardian. In the future, at critical moments in life, the other person will be the legal "signatory" for each of you.

[3] While some "congenital heart diseases" don't affect marriage, aren't caused by genetic factors, and won't affect physical health and lifespan after being cured, we never know what the future holds. Even the smallest surgery can be traumatic. So, if you don't tell your partner in advance that you've had surgery, I'm afraid it could lead to some future conflicts.

[4] Absolutely! If it's true love, you won't stop loving someone just because they've had surgery, right?

When it really comes to the point of getting married, we tell each other in advance that whether or not to get married depends on the other person's decision. And it's so great that if the other person agrees, the law will not prohibit it! Even better, it will protect it!

I'm so excited to share my understanding and response to the questioner's question! I truly hope it brings the questioner some positive and helpful inspiration and help. I pray that the questioner will carry a "sincere heart" and live a carefree life to the best of his ability. I wish you well and hope to see you again in the future!

I am a person of one heart, the world, and I love you ??

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help.

First of all, thank you for trusting me and inviting me to answer your questions.

You are experiencing some relationship problems. I am here to help.

I looked it up online, and it is clear that congenital heart disease is generally not hereditary if it is caused by environmental factors.

It is also possible that there is a family history of this disease.

You need to ask your family if anyone else has your congenital heart disease.

Some diseases can be passed down from generation to generation.

I recommend that you consult a cardiologist, as I am not a professional.

This disease is a knot for you.

You're worried that when you fall in love again and talk about this disease with your girlfriend, she'll break up with you again.

You will no longer feel so anxious about this illness when you get a more accurate response from a professional doctor.

Your heart disease still requires the attention of a heart doctor.

Seek help from a professional counselor if you are still confused.

A counselor is the best person to give you advice from a third-party perspective, without judgment and with an objective attitude.

I am confident that the problem you are facing will be resolved soon.

That's all I can think of.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. As the respondent, I can assure you that I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!