A 29-year-old male, deeply hurt by a female and no longer in love, how to win back?

I'm so grateful for your trust and your kind invitation!

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could give you more advice, but I can't. You're the one who has felt the deepest and most real emotions during this experience, and you're also the one who can evoke these emotions the most. I really don't feel like I have a position to give advice.

I'm so glad you came to talk about this! I have a few questions and concerns, though. I can relate to the pain you're feeling and the uncertainty about whether it can be salvaged. I'm wondering, can this uncertainty be sorted out?

From my experience working with emotions and feelings, I've noticed that sometimes our emotions can trap us. For example, the fear of being rejected can make us feel like we'll never be liked or recognized. It's easy to react strongly to external "no's" to protect ourselves from being rejected. This can make it difficult to act and feel bound. Another example is the care for the relationship and the fear of relationship destruction. This can also stir up anxiety, worry, and fear in our hearts. It can make us stop more in the present and find it difficult to take a step forward because there's the possibility of a hidden breakdown.

Another example is when you're in a relationship and you're really uneasy about it. You might feel like you're always on the brink of being abandoned. It can be really hard to keep a relationship stable when you're feeling that way. It can also make you anxious about gaining and losing, and you might feel like you're constantly imagining and feeling abandoned. It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes, but it can also make it hard to act.

Of course, there are many other situations, and these anxieties can sometimes hide a perfect solution. If you know how the other person thinks and how they will react, you can control all the movements. This is often the ideal solution to anxiety, but it is also often difficult to realize because people's thoughts and feelings, as well as the environment, are really complex systems. This is also why, sometimes, what we may be most certain of is our true feelings and true desires within ourselves. This is also the most authentic existence in a relationship. If you feel this part of it and feel in this authenticity "what else can I do?" you may be able to find some direction.

Good day.

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is the cornerstone of personal growth.

From your description, I can discern your inner turmoil, anguish, and your fervent desire to rekindle the relationship.

I will not delve into the specifics of the confusion caused by your relationship with your former partner. However, I would like to offer three pieces of advice:

First, I suggest you carefully consider whether the reason you want to win him back is a valid one.

It is only if the reason is "good" that the relationship has the potential to develop in a positive direction. This "good" reason is that after the separation, you came to appreciate many positive qualities in him that you had not previously recognised. You also came to realise that he is the person you truly want to be with and that you feel contentment and anticipation when you think about the days ahead together.

In your account, you stated that you fell in love three years ago and were happy for a year and a half. During that period, he struggled to reconcile with his family to be with you, but you did not appreciate that and were unfaithful to him. Now you empathize with his situation and want to reconcile, so you must consider whether your rationale for reuniting with him aligns with the "good" reason mentioned above.

This process of rational thinking will assist you in winning him back.

Secondly, I recommend that you communicate with him in a sincere manner.

Once you have determined that you wish to reconcile with him for one of the aforementioned valid reasons, or if you do not fully meet the criteria but still desire to remain with him, it is essential to communicate with him in a sincere manner. Effective communication is a crucial aspect of resolving interpersonal issues. Additionally, if you aim to address his stress disorder, which seems to be rooted in fear of being hurt again due to the significant emotional impact of your actions, communication will be a vital tool in this process.

However, when communicating with him, it is essential to do the following two things:

First, consider his perspective and attempt to grasp his point of view. This will assist him in comprehending your message.

As you indicated in your description, you caused him significant distress, and he in turn experienced pain. This suggests that he was genuinely suffering at the time. Consequently, when communicating with him, it is essential to express his inner pain, including your apologies and your true feelings about wanting to reconcile with him.

Secondly, it is advisable to adopt an "I" stance and focus on feelings, as this will facilitate communication.

For example, you can inform him that you wish to have a constructive conversation. You acknowledge that your previous actions caused him pain and express regret for them. You also convey your understanding of his inner struggles and desire to rebuild the relationship. You hope he will give you an opportunity to demonstrate your commitment to the relationship. In essence, you must convey your genuine desire to be with him and your sincerity. This transparent communication may gradually help him overcome his reservations, leading to a renewed sense of love and commitment.

I recommend that you allow him some time to reflect and consider how you can rebuild his trust and affection.

After communicating with him in a sincere manner, he may not agree to it right away. Given the depth of the hurt you have caused him, it is important to allow him time to process your actions. During this period, it is essential to focus on your own growth and reflection on how you can rebuild his trust and affection.

For example, due to your previous occupation, his family expressed opposition. Have you since attempted to secure a position that his family is more likely to accept? Such a change may help demonstrate your sincerity.

Additionally, you may wish to consider limiting your social interactions with other individuals of the opposite sex. This could potentially help to rekindle his feelings for you.

It would also be beneficial to consider what you did during the 18-month period that made him happier and replicate those actions, which may also result in him falling in love with you again. In summary, it is important to recognise that there are steps you can take to alter the situation.

Once you begin taking action, the various negative emotions will subside as a natural consequence. In this context, action is the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you of two key points. Firstly, it is important to avoid becoming overly humble in an attempt to win him back, as this could result in a loss of identity and an imbalance in the relationship. Secondly, it is essential to be prepared for the possibility that he may not return, as this is a decision that cannot be made unilaterally. In the event that he does not agree to resume the relationship, it is crucial to focus on personal growth and to wait for a partner who is worthy of your love and reciprocates it.

I hope this information is helpful to you. If you would like to discuss further, you may click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, host!

I can see what you mean. I'll share my thoughts and suggestions, in the hope that they'll be helpful.

From what you've told us, it seems that when you were with this man (let's call him Mr. A), you cheated on him and got caught a lot.

You tried to downplay the impact of the infidelity by emphasizing the special nature of your work as an actress. However, it's evident that this was a significant factor in your initial breakup and Mr. A's inability to move on.

After what happened with the guy you met online, you realized how much damage you'd done. When you got back together with Mr. A, it was clear that things were different.

You want to get back together with Mr. A and make up.

I'll give you a simple answer here.

First, we need to understand why cheating hurts the other person.

A lot of people say yes when asked why infidelity hurts, but not many stop to think about how it hurts the other person.

It's important to understand that there are many ways that infidelity can hurt the other person involved. I'll mention two of them here.

The first thing to consider is trust. When two people are in a relationship, they have essentially signed a contract with each other. This is different from other types of relationships, like free love, where there's an additional unspoken agreement. It's like two people working together, where one person agrees to give 100 catties of goods and the other agrees to give 1,000 yuan in return. However, if one person gives 100 catties today and the other gives 999, it's not the same as if they had both given 1,000 yuan.

Is this one dollar really that important? Not really, but are you comfortable with the situation?

You feel uncomfortable, so you say that you'll let it go this time, but not next time. The second time he only gives you 998. What do you do?

You're even more annoyed! But you guys have a good relationship, so you give each other another chance. The third time, the other party only gives 997. I think even if it's not much, we can still make a profit. But at this point, I should consider changing people because our trust has been hurt.

In your case, you've ended a few deals and then found out that the previous partner is still better, but it's tough for the other party to trust you again.

The second thing to think about is the damage to uniqueness. Why do two people fall in love? It's because you're special to both of them.

It's like signing a contract. There are so many other people you could work with, and many of them are even better than you. Why would I sign with you? It's like saying that we have a good relationship and signed the contract because we're each other's special talent. But then you suddenly realize that you're not a special person to the other party. Are you willing to maintain this contract?

At this point, we'll probably be hit by what's called "omnipotent narcissism," which is basically a blow to one's self-esteem. It's already pretty good if a contract can be resolved peacefully at this time, and often people turn against each other.

So now you've hurt the other person's self-esteem and trust. What can you do to make things right?

Should you ask for forgiveness or apologize?

It's actually counterproductive. It might even lead to retaliation from the other person. You did that to me, so why should I work with you? You probably only came to me because you can't find anyone better right now.

So, what should you do? First, make sure you meet the requirements for signing the contract. Then, focus on building a strong connection with the other person. Let them know how special they are to you and that you can't imagine your life without them. Show them that you value their opinions and contributions. Many men will back down at this stage because they feel like they're being treated unfairly.

Once you've satisfied the other person's self-esteem, it's time to start rebuilding trust. Don't be too eager to reconcile right away, but show you care. Put yourself in the role of a wife and do something for him. How long this takes will depend on the person, but six months to a year is a good general guideline.

The most important thing is to avoid coming across as pitiful. That way, you'll be more effective without putting the other person under undue pressure. For instance, the feeling of self-esteem satisfaction is completely different when a beggar says you are the most important, and when a rich man says you are the most important.

That's my advice for now. If you need it, you can come to me for emotional customization.

Hello!

He can sense your regret, remorse, and pain. Give him a hug!

You said that after everything that happened, you finally realized that he's the last person you'll ever love. You feel like you can be together now, but there seems to be a barrier between you that's preventing you from being together. You didn't say what kind of barrier it is, though.

I think the problem may be that the guy was hurt in the past when you were intimate.

First of all, I suggest that you adjust your emotions and let go of the guilt and self-blame. We can't change what's already happened, but we can learn from past mistakes and use them to our advantage. Every setback in life teaches us something, and without setbacks, people won't grow.

So don't dwell on the past. It can all become your life's wealth. It's because of the past that you didn't appreciate it more that you'll understand the meaning of seizing the moment even more.

So make the necessary adjustments as soon as you can to move on from the negative emotions and rebuild your intimacy with a positive attitude.

Be honest with him. Since he's willing to take you back, there's hope for reconciliation. As long as you treat him with sincerity and honesty—not just in words, but also through your actions—he'll see that you've changed.

Once he's ready to move on, the obstacle will disappear.

If you think your relationship is on the right track, you can suggest he get a check-up at the right time. Once you've ruled out physical issues, you'll understand that psychological barriers are usually caused by something else. You can then get psychological treatment at a regular institution.

Whether your relationship can be reunited as you wish depends not only on your inner wishes, but also on what the other person thinks. Do what you can to try to make things change, and let fate decide the outcome. After all, things like this still depend on fate. Perhaps this way you will not be so upset.

Just a heads-up: The above is a response based on speculation. Thanks for your patience if there are any inaccuracies.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful for you. Thanks for asking!

I am hopeful that I can find a way to regain the love I once had with my partner, although I am also aware that there are many challenges and emotions involved.

From what you've shared, it seems that you have some regrets about your past actions and feelings. It's understandable that you're struggling with the idea of seeing him as the last person you love and that you're facing some challenges in salvaging the relationship. It's clear that you're dealing with a lot of emotions, both from the past and the future. I'm here to offer my support and to provide some suggestions that might help you cope with your pain and gain a new perspective.

1. Consider unleashing love and first reconciling with yourself.

It is important to recognize that regret about the past can create a sense of pain and difficulty in the present.

It is important to remember that the choices we make in the past are decisions made at that time. While we cannot change what has already happened, carrying the burden of the past can sometimes prevent us from fully giving the other person our love in the present.

It is important to understand that letting go of love does not mean forgetting the past. Instead, it provides an opportunity to learn from past mistakes and live a better life in the present.

It is important to remember that experiencing his past suffering is not a form of self-punishment. Instead, it can help you to love your current partner in a more empathic and understanding way.

Secondly, it may be helpful to try to communicate with the other person and understand their inner psychological needs.

It may take time and a certain tenderness to heal the rift in the relationship, regardless of whether your ex-boyfriend has post-traumatic stress disorder or not.

It may be helpful to treat him with patience and love, and to try to understand and listen to his expectations and needs in the relationship.

3. It might be helpful to accept the reality that things may not change, and to start by loving yourself.

If we hold onto the idea that "he is the last person I will love," and the other person doesn't love us back, it can make us feel particularly desperate and helpless.

It is important to remember that the possibility of the other person falling in love with you again is dependent on a number of factors. Even if they do, it is likely that maintaining the relationship will require significant effort on both sides.

Perhaps we could try to change our thinking to something like, "I am lovingly loving someone who once loved me very much, and I want to love him well again." And on the other hand, we could try to understand the form of love by loving ourselves, and let this fight for love be more peaceful and stable.

I am not a psychologist who explores human nature. My focus is on the human heart. I wish you well.

Hello,

I'm happy to be able to give you some advice.

From what you've told me, it seems like your situation with your love/why-knowing-she-doesnt-have-love-for-other-men-does-she-have-a-boyfriend-5739.html" target="_blank">boyfriend is pretty unique. You were an actress before and you're divorced. When you met this boy, he wanted to marry you despite his mother's opposition, which shows that he's really in love with you.

And you didn't realize what he was giving up or how hard it was for him.

You didn't take it seriously, but you kept pursuing your acting career. You got along well with the director, and he caught you cheating a few times. If we put ourselves in your shoes, and if this boy also cheated on you a few times with other people, would you be shocked every time you think about it?

Could it be fear?

If you're caught cheating once, it's relatively easy to forgive. But you were caught cheating by this boy more than three times.

If this is the case, he'll probably react subconsciously and end up consumed by the fear that you'll cheat on him every day.

If he's the type to overthink things, or if he's sensitive, he'll probably find it tough to move on from this every day. It's probably pretty painful for him.

But because the boy loves you, even though it's painful, after you two separate because of this, he'll still choose to be together and will still choose to get intimate. It seems like the boy can't quite figure out what he's thinking, which is a big blow to his emotional experience.

When you're in a situation like his, you can see how it can be really heartbreaking. You're not going to trust anyone easily and you're going to be really suspicious of the other person.

So, you realized your mistake and wanted to make amends. After you woke up, the boy was still by your side, but it seems like he doesn't know how to love you anymore or how to view this relationship.

Given the situation, I think it's important for you to figure out exactly what you feel for this boy. If you decide to pursue a relationship with him and are committed to spending the rest of your life with him, it's essential to avoid any infidelity or getting close to other people of the opposite sex. You also need to think carefully about whether you can accept the idea of spending every day with this boy in the future and including him in your future life.

Has he been written into your future plans?

If you're sure, great. Let's ask the boy what he thinks. After you hurt him, he'll need time to get over the sadness. You didn't mention stress disorders, so I don't know what symptoms he'll have.

I think you should encourage him to think about how he feels about your relationship and how he feels about being with you.

Is he able to accept your current relationship and your past experiences?

If he's too shocked to trust you or himself, he might need a little time to recover. Then we'll give him some time.

If he's too shocked to trust you or himself, he might need some time to recover. Then we should give him some time.

It's important to remember that relationships are a two-way street. We can't expect the other person to see things our way just because we've tried our best. Sometimes, our initial approach might not have been the right one, and we might have hurt the other person in the process. If they're able to forgive themselves, move on from the past, and trust you both to move forward together, I think you should respect their decision and stick to this agreement.

I think you've got a good chance here. It seems like you've got a guy who really loves you, and he'll be able to move on from this. I hope you can talk it through and figure out if you're the one for him.

All the best to you!

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom of the page, and I'll get back to you directly.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Good day, my name is Jiusi, a licensed therapist specializing in active listening. I am here to help you.

From your description of the problem, I can understand your pain. We regret the situation and wish we could undo it. Why is it that we only appreciate things after they're gone?

If only there were a solution to regret! We are aware that our previous actions were misguided and that we will not repeat them, but this is merely an optimistic assumption.

Regret is a common emotion experienced by many individuals. It represents a weakness and helplessness inherent to human nature. Our encounters are often missed, and we fail to recognize opportunities when they arise.

There are two types of missed opportunities in relationships: passive and active.

Passive misplacement of individuals in the same location, coupled with a lack of awareness of their presence, results in missed opportunities for interaction.

No matter how much time passes, the individual who leaves the location will remain unaware that the other person has consistently been present. This represents a regrettable oversight on their part.

From an emotional standpoint, this appears to be an unavoidable circumstance. Neither individual has the ability to influence the outcome, and they must simply accept it.

The individual who is actively missing is the one who is asking the question.

You have invested a significant amount of time with your partner, who has consistently demonstrated excellent care and attention to detail.

The process of being in a relationship with him gradually makes you feel less enthusiastic, less engaging, or even less interesting. Despite his consistent positive treatment of you, he still fails to maintain your interest.

You perceive the individual to be uninteresting and uninspiring, and question the value of their positive actions. Being in a relationship with someone who lacks interest and stimulation is a source of frustration and disappointment.

You chose to terminate the relationship.

However, when one initiates a separation and subsequently experiences regret, it becomes evident that it is unlikely to find another individual who will love them with such sincerity.

You may experience regret, helplessness, and annoyance, but these emotions are ultimately futile. The situation has already occurred, and there is no going back. In my opinion, attempting to repair a broken cup to its original state is a futile endeavor.

From a psychological perspective, it would be beneficial to analyze this kind of missed opportunity.

The fact that the partner has been treating us well for three years has had a significant impact on our lives and mindsets. During this time, our ability to perceive kindness has become less acute, making it more challenging to recognize the positive actions of our partner.

This is why the OP stated that he was the last person I would love.

However, I believe this may not be the case. The individual in question has experienced significant emotional challenges over an extended period and has demonstrated notable maturity.

As humanistic psychologist Adler observed, the crucial factor is not the event itself, but rather our perception of it.

As a result of this experience, the questioner has been left with a sense of sadness and unhappiness, and has come to believe that she will never love again.

From this incident, we can ascertain the type of man who is worthy of our respect and affection. Furthermore, we can discern the sincerity of the men we encounter in the future.

It is therefore important to have the courage to look to the future rather than dwelling on the past.

I believe that the ideal partner for the questioner may emerge in the near future.

I hope my response is helpful and that the questioner can resume a carefree lifestyle.

Thank you for your time. My name is Jiusi from Yixinli, World and I Love You.