A 30-year-old woman, in the past decade, has had terrible family relationships. Am I supposed to be cursed?

It's really sad to see how much injustice you've suffered over the years. It's caused you a lot of pain and left you with a lot of scars. You're now in your thirties, but the past trauma is still causing a lot of damage to your heart.

It's really painful because of your aunt's problems. She's been spreading rumors and stealing, which has tarnished your reputation, causing you great shame and hatred, and your family has judged it to be your fault.

It's tough when people blame you for everything and think you're mentally ill, even though you're trying to define your own fault. It's a negative environment, and it's hard to stay safe.

It's also worth noting that you were later diagnosed with major depression and attempted suicide. It's a painful experience, and extreme behavior like this can happen. What happened in the past is in the past, and your parents are still causing you harm, which shows that they've also done some wrong things.

They didn't handle this matter properly. In fact, your aunt is despicable and shameless. She may be capable of doing anything. You may have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder precisely because of people like her, and you are constantly being affected by immersing yourself in their faces.

Resentment and trauma can really drag you down. It's good to be aware of what you're thinking, as this can help you to seek psychological counseling and work through these issues. Stay strong.

ZQ?

I believe that life is not just about the present moment.

You made the decision to move away, which I believe was the right thing to do. However, it seems that you may still be emotionally connected to them, even though you are physically out of the house.

When you're unsure of the best course of action in front of you and can't make sense of it, it might be helpful to take a step back and not dwell on it.

Life is not just about the immediate, but also about poetry and distant fields. It is important to remember that the ability to truly resolve confusion does not depend on what means you have, but on your ability to step outside the circle that is troubling you and look at yourself from a distance. When you are not in the situation, you can see more clearly, and only when you can see clearly will you know what you really need.

This is a perspective that has been developed through independence from circumstances.

It might be helpful to consider that pain can be amplified when we dwell on it and become attached to it. When we experience pain, it's natural to feel anxious and restless, which can further intensify the pain.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to ignore it, leave it alone, and just do the most important thing you should do in the present. It might disappear on its own because it has no host. It's possible that the only one who can heal you is you.

It might be helpful to try to live in the present.

If you do what you want most in the present moment, allow positive energy to fill your inner being, and you will find that inner abundance leads to outer abundance. The present moment is the most powerful guarantee, because the past is full of regrets and the future is full of fears. You can decide whether you are happy or sad only in the present moment.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider ways to improve yourself.

It may be helpful to consider that the reason why you see pain everywhere you look is that your energy level may be too low. It's possible that what you think about is what you see. You may have pain within you, so the external manifestations may be painful. While you may not be able to change the external manifestations, you can change the source of your internal projections. That is, you can raise your energy and keep yourself in a high-frequency state at all times, and naturally wipe away the bitter water within.

I wish you well.

Hello, question asker!

Thank you so much for trusting me to help you! I really hope my answer helps.

It's clear from the title that you want to know if it's true that "I deserve to be unlucky." Well, the answer is a resounding "no!"

But deep down, you actually think [no], right! Otherwise, you wouldn't resent them so much and see them as a thorn in your side.

Absolutely! You want someone to hold those you hate responsible for the injustice and hurt you have suffered over the past ten years.

But here's the good news! You're on the right track to getting out of this frustrating situation. The reality is that no one will ever take responsibility, and instead they blame you for everything, saying that you are stirring up trouble. This has driven you into a corner, making you resent them even more, while at the same time preventing you from letting go and plunging you into a state of agitation and depression.

I totally get you! You want to be recognized. It's so frustrating when no one notices you, especially when you feel like the things you hate are commonplace and unimportant.

It really can be overwhelming when it seems like the whole world is against you. But don't worry! I'd like to give you a hug to help soothe your broken heart.

You also know that anger and rage don't solve problems, but hurt you instead. So, you tried to come here for help, which is great, because you've found a way to solve your problem!

So let's dive in and see what we can do to resolve your problem!

➡️ You must absolutely believe that your family's rejection of you does not represent the real you! They may not understand what you do because they are looking at the problem from a different perspective, so you just need to tell yourself that it is only their opinion.

➡️ It's time to make a change! Try spending less time with people you don't like or whose opinions you disagree with. Create some distance and reduce their influence on you.

➡️ Lead your own life well, reduce your dependence on your family, and watch the harm they do to you disappear!

➡️ And remember, they are family! Think about all the good things about your family too. This will help you feel better!

I really hope you find the above personal advice helpful!

Hello.

Host:

After reading the post carefully, I can clearly see the complex emotions the poster is experiencing. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster bravely expressed his distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help the poster to better understand himself and others.

You need to adjust yourself accordingly.

I will now share my observations and thoughts in the post, which will help the original poster gain a richer perspective on the current situation.

1. Deal with your emotions before dealing with things.

From the post, it's clear the poster is feeling a lot of pent-up emotions: anger and shame at her aunt, resentment and confusion at her parents, and why don't they understand her and believe in her? All of this is causing the poster a lot of pain. I understand these emotions.

Put yourself in their shoes. I would have a lot of emotions too if I were in your situation.

However, we must also understand that when our hearts are filled with emotions, there is no room for happiness and well-being. This means that the person who hurt us may still be living a happy life, while we are suffering.

So why bother? I believe the best way to fight back against others is to live your life to the fullest. What do you think?

We must learn to live our lives in a way that allows us to deal with our emotions first, so that our hearts can hold happiness and well-being.

The host can express these emotions by writing them down. They can write about their feelings towards their aunt, their anger and humiliation, as well as their lack of understanding and disbelief towards their father and the rest of the family.

Once you've expressed your emotions, they'll often ease up. Writing them down is another effective method. By burning them, you're effectively saying goodbye to the past. You can then move forward with a lighter heart.

2. Let go of your expectations of your parents.

It is clear from the post that the poster's father does not understand or trust the poster. I know this hurts the poster, and I understand the hurt you have suffered.

Fathers are important others to us, and we deserve to gain his understanding and approval. This is normal, but if we still try to force it when he doesn't understand us, then we are the ones who suffer.

We must understand that fathers and we grew up in different environments, received different educations, and were influenced by society in different ways. It is unreasonable to force them to understand us at this time.

He is an ordinary person, not the "ideal father" in our minds. He has his own limitations and experiences disappointments and times when he is not understanding.

See this, and you will have more understanding and less expectation of your fathers. Letting go of your expectations of them will make you feel lighter, and you will no longer be angry or resentful towards them.

You will then have more energy to focus on yourself.

3. Treat yourself kindly by leaving.

Sometimes, we have to learn to treat ourselves kindly by leaving. The landlord moving away and leaving them alone was a good thing.

Out of sight, out of mind. Know this: the most important thing is to take care of your own feelings.

This is what we need to do. We have to take responsibility for our emotions. I like this saying: we need to learn to treat ourselves kindly by leaving. It's not about the other person being bad, it's about us not feeling good with them.

Look, the other person is very nice, but if we don't feel good together, we need to leave. Let's be real, this auntie or whatever is not good.

Take care of your emotions. Distance yourself from the situation as much as possible.

4. Learn to build your own firewall.

A computer can function normally not because it is not attacked by viruses, but because it has its own protective wall. We must learn to build our own firewall to prevent others from harming us.

We must accept that we are the only ones who can hurt us. It is our interpretation of events that causes us pain, not the events themselves.

In any relationship, the good and the bad are both part of the package. If we eliminate the bad, the relationship will be positive.

Auntie, we need to change our perspective. She is here to hone herself and help her build her own defense system. We need to think that way.

I am a psychological coach, Zeng Chen, and I am confident that these will be of some help and inspiration to the poster.

If you have any questions or need one-on-one communication, click to find a coach. We can communicate one-on-one.

Hugging this friend, I understand how you feel.

Your aunt seems to be one of the reasons you get angry.

As you grew up, you were hit, controlled, and suppressed more and more. This eroded your boundaries and those of your family. You had no strength to resist.

However, for their own safety, they had to give in and put up with humiliation.

This anger has been hidden for a long time.

However, as you grow, you realize you have the strength to resist. So when your aunt provokes you, you stand up to her.

But your rebellion seems insane to your father and grandfather because you're no longer the "good boy" who endures bullying.

Freud said that aggression is a basic human drive. Good aggression protects us and keeps us safe.

If aggression is not developed properly, one may face external invasion, either unable or lacking the courage to resist, or overreacting and losing control.

Maybe you were too aggressive as a child and didn't get the love and attention you needed. When you're an adult, you finally have the strength to fight back, but you don't know how to express it or control your anger.

The mother is important for a child's growth. Her character and emotions affect the child's character and temperament.

If you've seen a doctor and been diagnosed, follow their advice and also see a psychologist.

The future is bright. I hope you meet a better version of yourself soon.

Hello!

I can see how you've suffered over the past ten years.

The neighbors were too noisy, you had an argument, and then your family didn't understand.

You were anxious and sensitive to sounds. The neighbors were noisy, so you thought they were keeping you from peace and quiet. Your family was less anxious and found the sounds normal. They didn't think the neighbors were too noisy, but that you were looking for trouble.

For someone with high anxiety, any sound can be unbearable. If you hear your neighbors' noise and it bothers you, it's not your fault.

If it had happened ten years ago, you probably wouldn't have felt the same way.

Family and neighbors didn't understand because they didn't know you.

I don't know what happened ten years ago.

The noise from the neighbors caused conflicts with your family and bipolar disorder.

Your family treats you badly.

Maybe they've always blamed you for everything. If someone else is to blame, they'll blame you too. You have to put up with it. You deserve to be unlucky.

My father's aunt and grandfather thought I was causing trouble. They said I had been well-behaved before, so why had I suddenly become like this? They thought I had gone crazy. They didn't believe me.

Your so-called "good behavior" in the past may have been a way to suppress yourself because your family wouldn't allow you to misbehave.

If you're too obedient, you'll either give up or rebel.

The noise from your neighbors is also an intrusion for you. You disagree with the noise from your neighbors because you failed to rebel against your family.

The influence of neighbors is an important factor. The root cause is the internal aggression of family members against outsiders.

You have a better idea now.

It's not your fault. You can escape from those voices, including family members who accuse you. Then you can improve your anxiety so you can find peace.

If you have bipolar disorder, your doctor should have prescribed medication. Take it as prescribed to help stabilize your mood.

You should also get psychological treatment.

Do more relaxation exercises and accept your inner and outer voices.

Do physical exercise to get your energy flowing.

Some things are out of our control. Only by changing how we think can we find peace.

I hope you can be treated gently and feel better soon.

I'm Yan Guilai, a counselor. I wish you peace of mind!

Hello!

I understand your inner suffering, counseling-are-there-any-other-solutions-6235.html" target="_blank">depression, grievances, and anger very well. You need to know that I'm here for you.

Over the years, the pain in my heart has never been understood or accepted. My aunt and neighbors slandered and spread rumors, and even the people closest to me did not understand and blamed you, always hurting you. Every time I see their attitude, it stings like a thorn, making you get into a corner and resent them even more.

You know you're in a rut, and you know it's not your fault. You're going to break out of it, aren't you?

The hospital has already made a diagnosis. Follow the doctor's advice, take your medicine on time, and cooperate with the doctor's treatment. Medication controls our emotions and allows us to undergo psychological treatment and adjustment in a stable emotional state. This will help our condition.

Second, you should actively seek the help of a psychologist or counselor for psychotherapy and counseling. These mental health professionals can create a safe and warm environment for you, where you can express any emotions you have. You may feel that you are not getting the understanding, respect, warmth, or companionship you need from your family and the real world. They can also help you see yourself clearly. With their professional knowledge and methods, they can help you re-understand yourself, explore the root causes of your problems, better integrate your inner self, eliminate the vulnerable, anxious, and fearful parts of your inner self, enhance your self-psychological energy, and perhaps also teach you more ways to interact with others, so that you can slowly ease the relationship with your family, and dialectically view yourself and the people around you and your various emotions in harmony and coexistence.

You must take the initiative to change. Until you do, don't force it. Let things take their natural course.

I am confident that Hongyu's reply will be helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach. Learning is the body's treasure.

From your description, I can tell you are unhappy.

I won't go into detail about your family troubles, but I have three pieces of advice:

First, try to understand yourself and comfort yourself.

It will make you feel better and help you think about what to do next.

Your aunt and family are in constant conflict. Your father, aunt, and grandfather feel nothing, so you feel it is your fault. This makes you feel aggrieved and angry. Later, they would still say things to make you feel bad. They always gave you dirty looks. Later, you were diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After you moved, you got better, but every time you saw their attitude, you would feel very painful. The family environment has a profound negative impact on a person. Especially in your situation, the people around you who should have given you support and comfort ended up saying that it was all your fault. This made you even more painful. So you have to try to understand yourself, comfort yourself, and "see" that part of yourself that is suffering. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will always be filled with negative emotions.

Allowing yourself to understand and accept yourself will help you change the situation. It sounds strange, but it's true. Change is based on allowing things to stay the same.

Secondly, think about your own state.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To view things rationally, do the following three things:

Not all family relationships should be harmonious.

If you think families should be harmonious, you need to understand that bad family relationships are common.

Whoever is suffering more will change first.

You should be suffering more because you came here for help, including because of your mental illness. You need to make changes first.

It's easy to change yourself, but hard to change others.

Third, know that you can change the status quo and resolve the negative influence of others.

You have to believe you can change your family relationship. You have to realize you need to change first.

When you think about it like this, you might feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

When you think about it, you'll know what to do. Focus on yourself and do your best.

If they're not family, they're not close. This can help you lower your expectations of them. The less you expect, the less you'll be hurt. It's best to have no expectations. From your description, they're unlikely to change.

If you feel unlucky, try to think "It's their business how they treat me, and it's my business how I respond to them." This may help you stop obsessing about changing them and focus on yourself, which will make you feel better.

You can also try to stay away from them. As you said, moving to a new place has helped. At this point, you continue to not pay attention to them, and the harm will naturally decrease.

Take care of yourself. When you are happy, you won't care what they think.

Taking action helps you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk one-on-one.

Good day, question owner. I can sense your frustration from your description. Allow me to extend a warm embrace to you first.

1.

You have indicated that there is discord in the family. However, it appears that the primary source of conflict is between the older generation. It would be advisable to allow them to resolve their differences. While it may be difficult to witness, attempting to resolve the underlying issues will be more beneficial than attempting to ignore them.

2.

You indicated that you relocated from that location, and I commend you for that decision. It was the optimal solution.

It is not our responsibility to concern ourselves with matters beyond our control or to engage with situations that do not align with our values. As adults, we have the autonomy to prioritize our own wellbeing and to choose whether or not to engage with challenging circumstances.

3.

There are numerous concerns within the family unit. It is therefore prudent to allocate our valuable time to more productive endeavours, rather than engaging in the minutiae of domestic tasks. Each family faces its own challenges, and the father is the primary figure in the family unit. He is best placed to navigate these challenges, and if he is successful, we commend him. If he is not, that is also a valid outcome. It is important to recognise that individuals have varying abilities, experiences, perspectives and outlooks, and that conflict is therefore an inevitable consequence of these differences.

4.

My family is comparable to yours. The older generation exhibited a range of emotions, including love and hate, and I did not feel a sense of love from them. All I observed was a cycle of criticism, with you labeling me as "bad" and me responding in kind. It is challenging to articulate the nuances of this dynamic.

I had an intuitive sense that I needed to distance myself from this environment, which was characterized by chaos and confusion. When I returned home and encountered those individuals, I experienced a sense of unease and an inability to relax.

However, when I refrain from engaging with that particular group, I find my heart to be remarkably at ease.

5.

It is inevitable that those in such circumstances will experience a range of emotions, from depression to irritation and short-temperedness. I empathise with this situation. It is not feasible for us to attempt to change them using our own strength as a collective. Their way of thinking has already become a fixed mindset. While we cannot change them, we can change ourselves.

6.

If you are aware of your state and environment, awareness is the beginning of change. Take the initiative to go out and see the beautiful scenery, write in your diary more often, record your unhappy thoughts, sort out your emotions, and start over. If you're fine, proceed with the activities you enjoy. I'm confident you'll continue to improve. You may also consider inviting some friends out for dinner, going shopping, or going on a trip.

Furthermore, volunteering for a worthwhile cause can also have a positive effect on your emotional state.

7.

I suggest you read the books The Power of Self-Growth, Nonviolent Communication, Original Family, and Reconciliation with the Original Family. Additionally, I recommend listening to them.

8.

Depression can manifest in a manic state. A family member is currently experiencing this. He is taking medication prescribed by a hospital to calm him down, but as the saying goes, "every drug has its side effects." The most effective solution is to avoid the triggering environment. With the doctor's guidance and the assistance of a psychologist, it is likely that he will overcome these emotions in the near future.

9.

In light of the above, I would like to suggest a book for your consideration: The Body Knows the Answer. When we become angry, it can have a detrimental impact on our physical health. Therefore, I would encourage you to engage in some meditation or exercise when you have finished reading. It is important to let go of negative emotions and calm your mind, and to apologise to your body for any neglect.

I will take good care of you going forward.

I would like to extend my congratulations to you on your recent achievements. I hope that my input has been of some assistance and inspiration to you.

I encourage you to persevere and have confidence in your abilities. With time, you will see improvements.