A 37-year-old woman has always worried about not being liked by others and is in a bad mood. What should she do?

Hello! Thanks so much for your question. I'm a listener at One Psychology, and I'm happy to help.

First of all, I'm thinking that you say you have a hard time interacting with people, which I know can be really tough. Generally speaking, if you have good interpersonal relationships, life will be happier and more fulfilling. I think this is one of your concerns, and I'm here to help!

I'd love to know what you think when you're interacting with others. Do you feel nervous, rejected, or do you reject or simply prefer to be alone?

I truly believe that we are social animals. Even if you enjoy your own company, you still need to interact and communicate with others. It's natural to want to have friends, family, and even a loved one to be there for you and take care of you.

It's totally understandable to have a hard time communicating with others. It can be really tough to find someone who is willing to communicate with you, who understands your emotions and interpersonal communication patterns, and who is willing to tolerate and accept you.

If you meet these lovely people, you'll see that not all problems are your own. You'll realize that it's not you who can't get along with other people. When you find people who are willing to get along with you and who know that you have interpersonal communication problems, and who are willing to tolerate you and patiently wait for you to reach out, you'll slowly learn to interact and communicate with other people.

Of course, this isn't entirely your problem, and it isn't entirely someone else's problem either. It's just a problem that exists, and what we need to do is understand it, accept it, and improve it at the same time.

Then think about the people you interact with who are willing to accept you and with whom you feel at ease. Is there anyone like that? You know, perhaps if you try to find some people who are willing to interact with you and spend time with them, you will feel accepted and slowly develop a sense of confidence and interaction when interacting with others.

When you're looking for the reason in yourself and saying that interpersonal relationships are the reason for me, it's important to ask yourself: do you have any feelings of inferiority or grievances in your heart? And will there be any anger or resentment? I don't think this kind of experience is necessarily a good one.

It's also important to remember that just because we might not be the best at socializing with others doesn't mean we'll never be able to do it. We can try to socialize with others and learn from the experience. This way, we can discover what our patterns of interaction are and what problems we need to overcome.

How can we make sure the other person feels comfortable and ourselves at the same time? How can we maintain good relationships? How can we maintain an appropriate distance? How can we maintain a sense of propriety and boundaries? How can we help each other? How can we communicate and interact? How can we reasonably arrange time for being alone and time for socializing? What can I gain from socializing?

It's so important to think about what the other person gets out of the relationship. And it's also good to think about the emotional or value bond between us. Who do I need to associate with?

Who can you be really open with? Who is just a friend?

Who are the people in your work relationships? There are so many different ways of interacting with different people, and this is something we can all keep learning and thinking about together!

I'll stop here, but I just wanted to say that I've already said a lot, so I don't want to be a nuisance. I truly believe that when you have confidence, you'll feel more at ease and confident in interpersonal relationships. But right now, you might feel a bit insecure, which can make it harder to interact with others.

The good news is that interpersonal communication is also a skill. With a little bit of practice and exercise, we can achieve a state of being a good socialite. Even if we can't reach the level of a social genius, we can at least be comfortable in relationships, or remain graceful and composed.

Thanks so much for asking! I hope you're doing well. You're doing great! Believe in yourself, be positive, and surround yourself with people who want to affirm you.

I empathize with the OP. I can feel their inner depression, confusion, and worries. I have tried to take care of other people's emotions, but it is still difficult to interact with others. I cannot express my opinions, and I often say the wrong things. I believe no one would feel comfortable in the OP's situation.

The problem arises because the conditions for its occurrence are present. The questioner has always been worried that others don't like them. This is the reason why they feel that they are not liked by others. The questioner must then reflect on and consider the reasons why others don't like them. This will help them understand whether it is because they are not a good person as a whole, or whether there are problems in some aspects of themselves.

In interacting with others, it is essential to consider their emotions. The questioner must determine whether this is their own desire or the desire of others, and whether it is their own need or the need of others. What is the purpose of this, and what does taking care of other people's emotions entail? These are questions that the questioner needs to answer.

The questioner stated that he lacks his own point of view. This is false. Taking care of other people's emotions is also his own point of view. In other words, the questioner does have his own point of view, but he is unaware of where and what it is. He projects and transfers some of his thoughts and wishes to other people, hoping to get satisfaction from them. He is a typical "nice guy" who wants to get satisfaction by blindly catering to and pleasing others. This situation is very common in life.

This will not give you the satisfaction you want. It will also make it easy for others to misunderstand you, which may lead to actions that you cannot understand or accept. This could cause harm to yourself and affect your relationship with others.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. It's that simple. If you want respect, trust, understanding, recognition, and acceptance from others, you must first respect, trust, understand, recognize, and accept yourself and others.

From the situation described by the questioner, it is clear that the questioner has a low degree of self-acceptance and self-awareness, as well as a lack of objective understanding. This perception was undoubtedly formed because the questioner was constantly rejected and blamed by others during their upbringing, to the point where they have formed a habitual and instinctive cognitive model of self-rejection.

Let me be clear: the questioner feels bad and worries that saying the wrong thing will lead to something they can't face. They don't say anything, but when they're stimulated, they say something. What they say is their subconscious self, and it's obvious they feel uncomfortable. The other person receives these uncomfortable emotions and feelings first. The instinctive defense focuses on the feelings and makes a response, ignoring the content. This makes it impossible for the other person to understand what the questioner is trying to say. This communication is only at the subconscious level, not the conscious level. The two parties can't understand each other, which leads to unnecessary misunderstandings.

As time goes on, more and more misunderstandings will inevitably affect the relationship.

Hello, I'm Zi Ding Ya Xiang. It's great to connect with you, and I'm happy to help with any concerns you may have.

After reading the author's brief confession, I'd like to give you a big hug from afar!

From what the questioner has said, we can see the following problems:

1. The questioner doesn't have a lot of knowledge about current affairs and major social events.

It's possible that during the chat, you might not know what's going on and feel a bit at a loss for words.

2. They lack self-confidence. They worry about making mistakes in communication or exchanges, so they don't speak up.

They don't share their opinions and views, and they're always worrying about this and that. They think they're not good enough.

They're afraid of being laughed at.

3. They lack charisma and are too cautious. Originally, there is freedom of speech, and you can chat freely.

They worry about how their words will affect other people, which makes it hard for them to speak their mind. When we talk, we shouldn't see different opinions as refutations. They're just different perspectives and ways of looking at things.

All you have to do is offer a different perspective, and you'll have a topic for discussion and analysis.

How can you steer the conversation and gain the respect and understanding of others?

First, we need to build our knowledge base. If you have the time, it'd be good to pay more attention to current affairs and social commentary. Most opinions expressed during small talk are about current events.

If you're up to speed on current events, social trends, and new national policies, you can take the lead in small talk and suggest topics for everyone to discuss.

Second, if you have a solid knowledge base, you'll have the confidence you need to take the lead in chat groups, not just in small talk.

If you're not sure what to say, ask questions. Be an active listener, smile, look the speaker in the eye or face, and be an effective listener. Make the speaker feel respected and valued, and you'll get the same respect and attention in return. There's no need to worry about making mistakes.

At the end of the day, believe in yourself. You can do better and improve your aura. Be the master of the topic.

Throw out one novel topic after another, and let your many followers become your listeners. You can also be a good listener and share your comments and opinions. It's also important to learn to choose the right listeners and topic masters. Some people just aren't a good match, and there's no need to continue a forced conversation if you're not comfortable with what they're saying.

I hope these tips will be helpful for the person who asked the question.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm here to help.

From what the author has shared, it seems that when chatting with others, they tend to avoid disagreeing with others and are hesitant to express their own thoughts, which often leads to mistakes. Is this something you can relate to? The author mentions that they prioritize taking care of other people's emotions, but it's also important to nurture your own emotions.

I just want to check in and ask: do you not need to be taken care of?

I'd love to know why this is the case! It would be so helpful to understand why the questioner's mode of interaction with others works out like this.

I'm not sure if the questioner has thought about this, but in psychology, there's a fascinating idea that how children interact with their parents often shapes how they interact with others. It's like a reflection of how they were parented.

It might be helpful for the questioner to think back to when they were communicating with their parents in their original family. Did they ever have difficulty refusing their parents' requests? Were they not allowed to refuse their parents' requests? Or did they ever feel like they couldn't express their own emotions?

The questioner said that they are afraid of contradicting others and taking care of other people's emotions. I totally get it! We all want to please others and sometimes we're afraid of facing our own emotions. I think the questioner is afraid that if they don't do things the way others want them to, they'll do a bad job. It's natural to be afraid of that!

This is the influence that the original family has brought to the questioner. In the original family, the parents make all the decisions for the questioner, so very often, no matter what happens, the questioner is not responsible for the outcome. This can be really tough! At the same time, the questioner may also be afraid that if they don't listen to other people's opinions, if they can't take care of other people's thoughts or emotions, if they can't be accepted in a group, if they can't show their own value, then in my opinion, all of this is a sign of a lack of security and confidence. I hear you!

I'm so sorry, but since the question was asked on a platform, we cannot have a detailed discussion on the question. I can only give the questioner some simple advice on the question:

It would be really helpful for you to understand your own behavior patterns.

Have you ever wondered where the questioner's lovely pattern of taking care of other people's emotions comes from? It would be interesting to know why other people don't do the same!

This is really tied to the education in the original family. Of course, the character of the questioner also plays a role.

It would be really helpful for the questioner to think about why they want to take care of other people's emotions, or why they want to take care of other people. It might also be worth asking themselves whether they were taught by their family of origin that older children should take care of their younger siblings.

These thoughts aren't wrong, but I think there's something we can all do to make them work for us. I believe that if we take care of ourselves, we'll have more energy to take care of others. What do you think?

It's totally normal to have these thoughts about taking care of other people's emotions. But it's also good to know if they're thoughts that your family of origin gave you, or if they're truly your own thoughts. If they're your own thoughts, it's helpful to think about what they bring to your work. Do they help you at work? If not, you can always make some changes to make them more useful!

Let's identify those disturbing negative thoughts together.

I'd love to help you understand what makes you think about taking care of other people and keep doing things according to other people's emotions. Some negative thoughts just pop up in the mind, while others are hard to find.

It's so important to keep an eye out for these thoughts and to record them whenever they pop up. It's also helpful to think about what might be causing them. For example, it could be that the questioner is taking their own views on some very minor things too seriously and thinking that it is a fault not to take care of other people's emotions.

It's important to remember that these negative thoughts are actually pretty common. They can include things like overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and being too extreme.

Because of what they learned from their family, the questioner has developed a habit of always trying to take care of other people's emotions. When these thoughts come up, it can be helpful to distract yourself and shift your attention to something else.

It's okay to have bad thoughts! We all do. The key is not to fight against or suppress them. The more you fight against them, the more you suppress them, and this will only make the thoughts stronger. The correct approach is to quickly find something else to do to distract yourself.

Why not try doing something that requires the use of both hands and feet? You could play the piano, or even play some sports like basketball!

Let's try to stop those negative thoughts!

When you understand where your negative thoughts come from, cheer yourself up and overcome them! For example, when you wake up in the morning and think that it's going to be a bad morning, after noticing your negative thoughts, tell yourself that the morning doesn't feel good, but it will get better after the morning, so as to maintain a positive attitude!

When you're having negative thoughts, try not to dwell on them or speak them out loud. Instead, say something positive! With time, you'll get used to it and your mindset will change.

Just a friendly reminder to pay attention to your wording!

Has the questioner ever said things like "everyone else is right" or "I'm wrong about such a trivial matter"? This kind of decisive rhetoric can sometimes come across as a bit extreme and might leave no room for flexible interpretation.

The question includes both your conversations with others and your conversations with yourself, both verbally and mentally. It's important to remember that other people's opinions of you are often based on their own point of view, and they won't think from your perspective. It's also not a good habit of thought to over-interpret other people's words.

If someone has a problem with you, try to keep an open mind. It's possible they feel you're different from them and from other people, and that's okay! As long as your actions don't harm anyone or anything, you have the right to do as you please. There's no need to worry about accommodating other people's emotions.

Let's face each day with a smile!

Every day, try to look on the bright side! When you wake up in the morning, think of five happy things first.

There are so many happy little things in life that we can focus on to lift our spirits. It could be listening to a lovely song, watching a great movie, smelling the tea today, or buying what you wanted yesterday. Let's all try to think more about these things and say them out loud, so we can start the day feeling positive!

Starting the day with a positive mindset is a great way to make sure those negative emotions don't get a chance to take root. You might feel a bit silly saying positive things out loud, but studies have shown that saying positive things out loud can actually make you believe what you're saying even more!

I really think this will make you happier, more focused, and help you to stop having too many negative thoughts.

Try to look for the positive in everything!

I don't know if you've heard the story of an old grandmother and grandfather who sold a donkey. The old grandmother and grandfather wanted to sell the donkey, and no matter if they rode the donkey or not, or if one person rode the donkey, there were always passers-by pointing out their faults. It can be so hard to please everyone, can't it? When you want to do things according to someone's mood, just stop and think of something positive instead.

It's so important to seek outside help when you need it.

From the author's own account, I truly believe that seeking professional psychological counseling and psychological intervention is the best way to solve the author's problem. It's so important to talk about your negative emotions with these professionals. That way, the author can pour out their hearts and be as honest as possible.

Please, tell us as clearly as you can how your thoughts make you feel, describe how these emotions usually strike you, and tell us how you respond. If you need to, we can keep talking with these professionals until the behaviors brought on by your family of origin no longer make you feel bad.

I really hope my answer can help the questioner!

Hello, I'm Wang Ying, a psychological counselor.

It can be quite challenging to experience overwhelming negative emotions. It might help to seek comfort in a hug.

I would like to suggest that emotions are simply a feeling, a kind of energy. There is no need to be afraid of them. If you give yourself a little confidence, you will find joy.

Everyone has their own unique emotional patterns. Some people may experience feelings of loneliness and a fear of being ignored. Some people may feel a sense of inadequacy and insecurity. You may also have concerns about not being liked by others, taking care of other people's emotions, and a lack of confidence. These feelings may reflect a deeper subconscious belief that you are unloved and not good enough. This is an emotional pattern that has its roots in painful emotions experienced during childhood. It is a continuation of your emotional pattern from childhood.

It might be helpful to view these feelings as illusions created by you, and to recognize that there is no reason for them. When you were young, you were unable to protect yourself from these pains. Now that you are an adult, you are already capable of loving yourself. You are your own person, and your worth is not dependent on the opinions of others. These thoughts and ideas are just that—they are yours. The key lies in how you perceive yourself.

When these emotions resurface, it can be helpful to recognize the hypocrisy and remind yourself not to be fooled by it. If it's a strong pattern, it might be helpful to remind yourself that you are worthy of love, good enough, confident enough, and strong enough to transcend this pattern.

If you're interested in making a change, it might be helpful to consider challenging some of your long-held beliefs. If you're used to chatting with others and taking care of their emotions, you might find it beneficial to focus on yourself, pay attention to your emotions and state, and put yourself in a comfortable and carefree atmosphere. This could help you to give off a different energy, which might attract others in a positive way.

When talking to others, it might be helpful to be a good listener, allowing others to have more opportunities to express themselves. Someone who talks a lot may not always be the most popular because they tend to focus on themselves and try to attract attention.

It might be helpful to view communication with others as an enjoyable activity rather than a burden. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can simply be yourself. However, if you feel uneasy, you can choose to leave without any psychological burden and enjoy the pleasure of being alone.

Perhaps the most important thing is to acknowledge that there are aspects of ourselves that we may not be as confident in as we would like to be. I personally find social situations and expressing my thoughts and feelings challenging. From my experience, when we strive for something or try to prove ourselves, we may find that life takes unexpected turns.

Many of us dedicate our lives to pursuing the feeling of being "useful" and "productive." However, this pursuit may inadvertently lead to a sense of uselessness. How can we navigate this challenge?

Perhaps it would be helpful to accept your feelings of "uselessness." When you feel useless and bad, it might be best to simply

Allow yourself to experience the feeling of "uselessness" that you fear the most in that moment. You may feel a sense of panic, and you may want to take immediate action to prove your usefulness. However, it is important to resist this urge. Admit to yourself honestly that you do have "useless and worthless" parts, and then you can try to accept this part of yourself.

It might be helpful to consider the possibility that denying the truth is not the answer. When you stay in the present like this, without avoiding the emotions you don't want to feel, you might find that you can cross over the darkest part of your own abyss.

And perhaps the surprises and gifts of life are just beyond the dark abyss.

Perhaps the key to freedom is to give up trying to prove your usefulness. By doing so, you may find that you are able to release the energy you once spent trying to prove yourself, allowing you to do things and live your life according to your true preferences.

Once this enormous energy is released, it will create the life you truly want. Instead of becoming a victim of your own "evasive and useless, but proven useful" pattern, it may be helpful to consider that this kind of life may not make you feel truly happy.

It might be helpful to remind yourself to love yourself and to be yourself.

May you find the courage and determination to face the issues of your life, continue to explore your inner self with confidence, and discover your own inner joy.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best.

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your brief description, I can clearly see your inner worries, anxiety, lack of confidence, pain, and sense of being overwhelmed.

You are constantly worried about not being liked by others, and this causes you a lot of trouble. I will give you three pieces of advice for your consideration.

First, think back to when you started worrying that you weren't liked by others. What happened at that time?

You say you're a 37-year-old woman who always takes care of other people's emotions when chatting with them. You also say you don't have your own opinions and can't express them. So, when did you start behaving like this? What happened at that time?

Is it related to experiences from childhood? If so, you may have been constantly rejected or ignored as a child, making you feel that you are not good enough and not very confident. This led you to try to gain the approval and affection of others by being obedient. When you always behave obediently or submissively, you ignore your own opinions. Over time, you lose your own opinions and find it difficult to express them. This makes you increasingly unconfident and often makes you make mistakes. Or is it related to important experiences in your growth process? If so, you may have been rejected or criticized by authoritative people, such as teachers, parents, leaders, etc. This made you have a negative and pessimistic evaluation of yourself, so you don't believe you can do a good job. This often makes you make mistakes. In short, you have to figure out why you are like this.

Once you find the reason, you can get out of this situation.

Second, you need to consider the reason you found.

A rational perspective is the best way to understand yourself and the reality around you.

To look at things rationally, you must do the following three things:

First, understand that you are not the same person you were in the past.

If the reason you found is related to your childhood or past experiences, then you can now tell yourself that the current self is different from the self at that time. You have grown up and gained knowledge and experience, and you know better now. You will know that although you sometimes say the wrong things and do the wrong things, that does not mean that you have always been like this. You will also see the good things in yourself, and in this way, you will become more confident and dare to speak your mind.

Second, understand that while the approval and affirmation of others is important, it is most important to like and accept yourself.

If you keep revolving around other people's feelings, you will lose yourself.

You can change the status quo.

When you exert your subjective initiative, your state will naturally change. You must learn to view yourself with a developmental perspective, seeing your abilities and also the power of time.

I strongly suggest you focus on yourself and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you rationally consider the reasons you have found, you will know what to do. At this point, you focus on yourself and you will do it.

Take care of your emotions in small ways and see what happens. This practice of "small steps" will give you confidence in yourself. You will care less about other people's emotions.

If you can't take care of your feelings right now, then give yourself some time. During this time, think more about your strengths. You have strengths, and you're going to find them. When you see your own bright spots, you'll also be able to speak your mind.

You can also challenge other people's views while taking care of your own feelings. You'll quickly realize that refuting the other person is no big deal, that the other person is not angry, and that your relationship is not affected. With more experiences like this, you'll become more confident and unafraid to express your own views.

If the other person becomes distant and dislikes you when you argue with their views, you can and should tell yourself, "It doesn't matter if they like me. I like myself and accept myself. I am unique and good enough, and I am worthy of love." This will also make you feel better.

You can address your shortcomings, accept what you cannot change, and change what you can. Make yourself better by learning from others or reading relevant books like "The Neglected Child." You will become stronger and more confident, which will make you feel better. In short, you can improve the current situation.

Take action and the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally dissolve. Action is the enemy of negative emotions.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello!

It's time to understand your situation and embarrassing feelings! You can improve in the following three areas:

?1. Your behavior and feelings are similar to those of a people-pleaser, who is always looking for ways to avoid conflict by trying to please others and establish emotional alliances. This helps them create a relaxed interpersonal environment for themselves, which is a great quality to have!

We all want to be liked! But we can't please everyone. So why try?

And there's more! Being liked isn't everything. What's more important is living for yourself and making yourself a better person. And guess what? Pleasing others also has a certain positive effect!

3. It's time to recognize that we're afraid of not being recognized and of being hurt in relationships. We all believe that we can only experience our "own value" if we are recognized by others.

And you know what? You may not even be aware of it! By pleasing or satisfying others, you can gain their favor, a good attitude, and favorable comments. You'll feel valued and have a sense of accomplishment!

Through correct understanding and careful examination, you can determine whether your personality is merely a trade-off for the fear of being disliked by others. If so, you have the incredible opportunity to gain fearless courage to live for yourself and take on this freedom and responsibility! You can become the amazing person you were meant to be.

We can absolutely eliminate those feelings of inferiority, and we can also increase our self-confidence, sense of worth, and sense of existence!

I'm so excited to share my experience with you! I hope it helps you as much as it helped me. Best wishes!

Hello! I'm excited to help you solve your current problem. There are two possible reasons for it: a lack of love in the original family and an unhappy marriage. Regardless of which one it is, I will do my best to help you!

You are constantly worried about not being liked by others.

Your inner self has decided in the past that you are not liked.

Feeling a bit down?

The essence of emotions is a personal inner need or desire. For example, sadness, anger, and fear.

Sadness is a desire to be comforted and loved, and anger is a secondary emotion that almost always appears in close relationships and is also a desire to be loved.

You have so much to offer! You just need to find ways to communicate your thoughts and feelings more effectively. Talking to others, taking care of other people's emotions, not arguing, not having your own opinions and not being able to express them, communicating with others is very difficult for you. You often say and do the wrong thing.

Let's solve this problem together!

Now for the fun part! It's time to record and reflect on your explorations.

It's time to become aware of those negative core beliefs and subconscious thoughts that are holding you back! How do you record them?

When you have such problems, record all your emotions, feelings, thoughts, and ideas. At night, when you are calm, review your notes. Through reflection and exploration, you will discover thoughts within yourself that you have never noticed before—and these thoughts are the factors that influence your daily behavior!

For example, it could be fear. When I don't take care of other people's emotions, I get to face the exciting challenge of seeing if other people will ignore me!

Have you ever wondered what it means when someone ignores you? Well, it's a great opportunity to discover what you really need! It means you're feeling lonely, and it means you're craving to be valued.

And when did I first feel this way (lonely and unimportant)? By exploring your past in this way, you will discover many problems – and you can fix them!

For example, the belief that you are unloved and worthless.

For example, there's self-control, which is a subconscious behavior.

When you reflect and explore, you will truly perceive where your problems lie. And this awareness and understanding is the key to changing your current problems!

I'm Luffy, and I'm a realist. I don't give empty talks—I get straight to the point!

I believe the present is good! I am grateful to have met you.

From what you've shared, I can see that you're going through a challenging time. It can feel overwhelming when we're in a situation where we're unsure of the best way to respond, especially when we're trying to navigate social interactions. It's natural to feel this way, and it's not uncommon to feel uncertain about what's appropriate in these moments.

Could you please clarify what you mean by "right" and "wrong"? I'm also curious about your standards.

Could it be that the standard is in other people? Is it always the case that other people's opinions are right?

Dear friend, it would be beneficial for you to relax. It is important to be yourself, even if you make mistakes. It is crucial to accept, see, and tolerate yourself. It is okay to make mistakes. As long as you do not break the law or violate ethics and morals, it is normal to occasionally do something wrong or stupid.

As ordinary people, we must recognize that mistakes are not entirely without value. They can serve as valuable reminders to adjust our results.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider a different approach. Instead of always taking care of others and never contradicting them, it might be more beneficial to allow yourself to have your own emotions and opinions.

Could I ask what you think you might lose by not catering to others? What do you think might happen? How do you think you would feel? Is it certain?

Could I ask why you think that way? Perhaps you've had a similar experience or experience? When was it? How old were you then?

If I may ask, how old are you now? It might be helpful to find a quiet environment and time to think about and recall these questions, which could help you to heal your imprints.

Dear friend, I would like to suggest that you consider paying more attention to your emotions and to yourself. I believe that when you become yourself, you will find it easier to communicate with others, and you will feel more comfortable in your own skin.

In this world, there are often no absolute right or wrongs. With this in mind, you can relax and express your opinions with confidence. Even if your opinions are not universally accepted, there is still value in sharing them.

I hope things go well for you!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

First, I want to thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us how you feel so we can help you. Let's look at your question: "What should I do if I'm a 37-year-old woman who is always worried about not being liked by others and is in a bad mood?"

I understand your anxiety very well. Let's hug for now, and let's analyze the situation and decide on the best course of action.

State

You said, "When chatting with others, you take care of their emotions, don't argue back, you don't have your own opinions and can't express them, and communicating with others is very exhausting for you. You often say and do the wrong thing."

1⃣️, you are not good at expressing yourself.

You don't argue when chatting with others because you want to protect their feelings, even if you have different opinions. You also don't argue for the sake of self-respect. The real reason you don't argue when chatting with others is because you said, "If you don't have an opinion, you can't say it."

That's the real reason you don't argue when chatting with others.

You are basically in a state of listening when chatting.

2⃣️, fear of saying the wrong thing

You feel like you're struggling when communicating with others, which is reflected in the fact that you often say and do the wrong thing. It's likely that you're aware of this feeling because of the feedback you've received from others, or because you think you've said or done the wrong thing.

You seem to be very nervous when communicating with people, worrying that you will say or do the wrong thing.

2. Problems You have a tendency to please others, which makes it difficult for you to express your own thoughts when chatting.

1⃣️, lack of self-confidence

From your description of yourself when chatting and communicating, it's clear that you're taking care of other people's emotions. However, your low self-confidence is more obvious. You dwell on your shortcomings.

From your description, it's clear that you're constantly afraid of something and worried about something. You care a lot about other people's feelings, and you're especially concerned about their comments and accusations.

2⃣️, Reasons for personality

You have a compliant personality.

You say that when chatting, you will take care of other people's emotions and not express your own thoughts. From a psychological perspective, you have a tendency to have a pleasing personality.

People with a "pleasing type" personality pay close attention to the situation of others, often at the expense of their own feelings and thoughts. They often appear in a pleasing light and will even suppress their own needs to satisfy the needs of others. When they please others, they will be kind and pleasant to others even if they don't feel good themselves.

People who try to please others are actually prone to physical and mental exhaustion. They feel like they are always revolving around the people around them, like they have no self, like they want to refuse but cannot say it, like they want to vent but are afraid of offending others, and they seem weak and small in most relationships.

You have a calm personality.

You are cautious in all situations, looking after the interests of others and seeking to reassure them, for fear of hurting them. At the same time, you are shy about expressing yourself, and your kind personality suggests that you also have the temperament of a calm personality.

A calm personality is characterized by the following traits:

You are slow and deliberate, cautious, gentle, and stable, and you pursue harmony.

You are easy-going, adaptable, thoughtful, and tolerant.

Disadvantages: slow and lazy, not prone to repentance, not fond of expressing oneself, indifferent bystander.

Your calm personality is evident.

3⃣️, the influence of the original family

Your personality is also shaped by the living conditions of your family of origin.

Your parents are strict and critical.

The accusatory type

Blame-oriented people ignore others, attack and criticize, and blame others.

For example, they may say to someone else, "What's wrong with you?" or "Why do you always do that?"

"Blame-oriented" people have internal thoughts designed to protect them, and they blame other people or the environment. Blame means disregarding other people, considering one's own situation and feelings more, and not caring too much about other people's feelings.

This person is also relatively strong and demands that you obey and listen to them, or they will become enraged.

You grew up in this environment and developed into someone who knows better than to disobey and takes care of the mood of your parents in order to seek peace.

A radical personality has

A radical personality has:

You are strong-willed, action-oriented, and energetic with an achievement-oriented mindset.

They are courageous and decisive, persevering, unafraid of difficulties, and highly self-disciplined.

The disadvantages are clear: they are short-tempered, lack empathy, are stubborn, arrogant, and complacent.

Aggressive people like to boss others around, focus on actions, and are more stubborn and unwilling to listen to other people's opinions. Parents like this rarely let you express your opinions or express your emotions.

Over time, you will suppress your feelings and not express your views.

3. Coping strategies

We have already analyzed the causes of the problem of being unable to express your feelings. Now, we will discuss how to deal with it.

1⃣️, Change the type of pleasing.

Perceive your feelings and express them.

When something happens again, examine your own behavior and increase your awareness of yourself.

Second, acknowledge your emotions and affirm your value.

Third, record your feelings. Ask someone close to you to listen to your expression and tell you how they feel without any judgment.

Fourth, experience the mood and feelings you have after expressing yourself and others, and record them.

Practice this over and over again. You will increase your sensitivity and your ability to express yourself.

The consistency type

Satir says you should change your type and become a consistent person.

I express what I desire, what I expect, what I feel, and what I really think. At the same time, I take your feelings into account and I consider our current situation.

This model is based on a high sense of self-worth and achieving a harmonious interaction between the self, others, and the situation.

People in this model demonstrate an inner awareness in their speech, with expressions and words in harmony, and a balanced inner harmony. You can learn to be like this.

You must communicate consistently.

You must learn to communicate consistently. Satir therapy states that consistent communication means that when communicating with the other person, your verbal and non-verbal messages must align with your inner feelings.

In congruent communication, the self, the other person, and the situation all receive the attention and respect they deserve. People who use this model demonstrate an inner awareness in their speech, consistency between their expressions and words, inner harmony and balance, and a relatively high sense of self-worth.

You can communicate consistently after a long period of time by using the following sentence patterns.

When...

A straightforward account of the objective situation, free from accusations or emotional bias.

My feelings are...

State your feelings and emotions clearly and directly.

I hope you will...

Specify what you want the other person to do, state your needs, and make your expectations clear, measurable, enforceable, and visible.

I believe...

Describe your hopes for the future.

This way of expressing yourself accounts for your feelings and emotions while clearly stating your expectations. It also considers the feelings of others.

2⃣️, Respect yourself.

Say no.

In the process of communicating with others, don't pay too much attention to other people's voices and comments. Follow your inner feelings and thoughts, and refuse other people's requests.

Respect yourself.

We are all born equal. There is no such thing as inferiority. Respect your own status. Eliminate this idea of inequality in yourself. Establish an equal and mutually beneficial relationship with others.

3⃣, Boost Self-Confidence

Discover your strengths.

Know yourself. Know your strengths. Know your limits. Know what you can and cannot accept. Know what kind of help you can and cannot accept.

Make the most of your strengths.

Start with your strengths and make things happen. At the same time, start with what interests you and build success and happiness around it. Find your own value.

You must be self-motivated.

Reward yourself after you accomplish something or receive praise from others to motivate yourself to continue doing well in other things.

Improve your self-confidence.

Based on self-motivation, take on some small challenges, build your confidence from success, and improve your abilities. Don't blindly hope for affirmation from others.

With this confidence, you will continue to communicate and interact with people. You will also find that the situation of not being good at expressing yourself will gradually open up.

Your approach to pleasing others will evolve with your efforts and experience.

Questioner, you can make a difference. Best wishes!

Dear Colleague:

Good day.

You describe yourself as someone who is always concerned about not being liked in interpersonal interactions. You often take care of the feelings and emotions of others when chatting with them, without offering any counterpoint and being very submissive. This makes you feel very uncomfortable and gets you into a bad mood.

I believe this way of behaving has gradually caused you to deviate from your true self. In your interactions with others, you prioritize their feelings and emotions, but neglect to address your own feelings.

In any relationship, both parties are interdependent and independent of each other. However, in your relationships, your independence seems to be obliterated by fear and the fear of not being liked. You are unable to express your true views and thoughts, and are left with nothing but appeasement and compliance. In the relationship, it seems as if you do not exist.

It may be challenging for you to establish your own identity and autonomy.

I am curious to know what kind of early parenting environment you experienced.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your emotional needs were not responded to and met.

Were your emotional needs not adequately addressed and met?

Did you feel the need to take care of your parents' emotions and feelings in order to feel a little bit of security in the parent-child relationship, so that you could establish an emotional connection with them?

It is not necessary to make significant personal sacrifices or to take on excessive caretaking responsibilities to be recognized, appreciated, and accepted. You deserve to be liked and treated well.

Best regards,