A 39-year-old man, married for 3 years, can't find the feeling he used to like anymore. What should he do?

Good day. I am a mental health counselor at the national second-level.

After taking the time to read your account in detail,

I can sense that you are currently experiencing some challenges. You are a 39-year-old man who has been married for three years and may be struggling to find the feeling of love. What steps could you take to move forward?

I would like to respectfully propose that your marriage has developed in the following way:

1. I married three years ago, primarily due to the responsibilities and pressure from the other party. However, I must admit that I was initially hesitant because I didn't feel a strong affinity for her.

2. After getting married, my wife has occasionally lost her temper and even beaten me up because I am not close enough to her. As a result, I have become more and more resistant to her, feeling both guilty and scared. I can't find anything attractive about my wife, and I don't feel like being close to her anymore. I can hardly express my feelings, and the two of us are drifting further and further apart. We are getting along more and more awkwardly, and even the option of divorce has been discussed.

3. Given that I'm almost 40 and my wife is 32, we're not as young as we once were, and the pressure to have a child is becoming increasingly prevalent. However, I'm still undecided, and I'm somewhat uncertain about the future.

4. Question: Would it be beneficial to ask my wife to try to make changes to suit my preferences? How might I find the feeling of liking it again?

I would be grateful for any advice on how to overcome the feeling of being constrained. I am unsure why I have become this way. If there is no way to change the situation, should I simply accept it or consider divorce?

Perhaps the goal is to find your sense of liking again and eliminate the uncomfortable and constrained feeling. It seems like she wants you to be closer to her, and it seems like you both have the same goal. Do you feel it?

The goal is the same, but it hasn't been achieved. It seems that the method used may not have been the most effective. It seems that there is a lack of closeness between you, which may have led to her losing her temper and even hitting and scolding you, which in turn may have made you resist her even more.

It might be helpful for you both to discuss your feelings and thoughts in order to gain a deeper understanding of each other and build a stronger relationship.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor, which could be beneficial.

I hope you find the above content helpful as a reference. Please don't hesitate to leave a message if you have any questions.

I understand!

There are two kinds of love: love at first sight and love over time. Most people experience the second kind.

You're not the first.

Second, no one can change the other person. People who try to change their spouse fail.

That won't work!

If you like something, say so. If you don't, it's your problem. The same goes for your wife.

Many unhappy couples hope their partner will read their mind. This is impossible.

The secret to a happy marriage is to give what your partner wants. Read "The Five Love Languages." People like to return favors. If one partner starts to change, the other will change too.

If you want a good marriage, start changing yourself. Find out what your wife likes and meet her expectations. Time will tell you what you expect from your wife. You may get things you never got before.

The institution of marriage offers invaluable insights for both men and women.

The adage "Remain true to your original aspirations, and you will succeed in the end" is equally applicable to marriage. The bond of marriage is to be cherished, for it is the result of a conscious decision to unite with another individual, chosen from among the vast multitude.

Regardless of the circumstances that led to the decision to marry, at the time of the union, the choice was, at the very least, a suitable one. Even if the opportunity to do so were to arise again, the choice would likely be the same, as at the time of the marriage, the perceptions, magnetic fields, and energies of the two individuals were perfectly aligned.

An individual who is adept at achieving happiness will do so regardless of their partner. It is possible to modify the manner in which we love another person, but it is unreasonable to expect our partner to alter their behaviour to suit us. Similarly, we cannot demand that our partner loves us in the way we desire, given that everyone has been socialised in different environments and has received disparate forms of love and affection. If we both hope to receive love from each other, it is inevitable that conflicts will arise. However, these can be resolved through open communication, learning and personal growth. It is essential to express your needs to your partner in a clear and honest manner, rather than waiting for them to guess at your intentions. I would also recommend the book "The Five Languages of Love" for further insight.

Furthermore, I would like to discuss the concept of giving. My husband and I were previously quite detached in our marriage. At one point, I considered that when we got married, we sought happiness, but have I dedicated 100% of my efforts to achieving that happiness?

Should I elect to pursue a divorce, I may eventually reflect, "Had I loved and cared for him more, might this not have been averted?"

I implemented this concept. At that time, I began preparing breakfast for him. He was engaged in strenuous work, and I ceased expressing my frustration at his apparent disregard for our family. Instead, I became more empathetic toward his situation. I aspired to be fully dedicated to this intimate relationship, striving to avoid any regrets. I undertook these actions willingly, without expecting or requesting any form of compensation from him. My sole intention was to do my utmost for the relationship. In the event that my efforts yielded unsatisfactory outcomes, I was prepared to accept them. At the very least, I would not harbor any regrets. However, as a result of my altered attitude and actions, he took the initiative to communicate with me. We also agreed to express our thoughts calmly in the future. This led to the restoration of our relationship.

It is not uncommon for a relationship to have reached a point of no return, not because the relationship itself is irremediable, but because the attitude and mindset of one or both partners have caused them to erect emotional barriers between themselves. Many people actually get divorced quite unjustly. The solution is a change of mindset, a change of mentality, from being a "victim" to being a "giver". It is more blissful to give love than to receive it. Many people have experienced this: sometimes, helping others is immensely gratifying. The same principle applies. When we give love and the other person feels it, the energy of love flows, and the relationship is brought back to life.

This concept is not exclusive to marriage; it can also be applied to children and those around you.

Happiness can be conceptualized as a kind of ability. Despite the fact that everyone experiences a certain degree of deprivation to a greater or lesser extent, there is potential for a different outcome. My husband frequently remarks that I stay up late with the baby. If I perceive his comments as an accusation, it is likely that conflicts will ensue. However, if I consider his underlying concern, which is that the baby is not getting sufficient sleep, will this shift in perspective lead to a different mode of behavior?

It is imperative to discern the genuine necessities that underpin discord. When a cherished one displays a loss of temper, it is indicative of an unfulfilled internal requirement. It is crucial to perceive not merely the outward display of anger, but to examine the underlying expectations that precipitate it. Those who cultivate the capacity to discern will naturally evince greater understanding, compassion, and affection.

It is imperative to recognize the potential for universal happiness.

Hello!

I really feel for you when I hear about how helpless and confused you are!

It's totally normal to feel like there's still a long way to go when you're facing multiple pressures in middle age. It's natural to want to avoid giving in to the difficulties of the moment.

From your question, it seems like you're looking to make some changes in your current relationship. I totally get it! There are so many reasons why we might want to do that.

1. It's totally understandable that you're feeling increasingly resistant to your wife's daily contact. It's so hard to gain the warmth and comfort that a positive relationship brings, isn't it?

2. You're also worried that if you get a divorce, you might not be able to find a new partner soon enough to put off having children.

3. You feel that your sense of responsibility towards your wife and family is more important than your emotional feelings about freedom and "liking or disliking."

Firstly, it's really important to remember that you've been compromising, which is all about sticking to your own inner order and values.

Secondly, it would be really helpful for you to affirm your wife's awareness and efforts to change the relationship.

And don't forget to thank each other for sticking it out in this tough relationship for the sake of your family.

Now, let's talk about how we can solve this together. These are the two most important questions for you.

The first step to solving a problem is to identify it and face it head on. It's clear that you and your wife are both aware of the issues in your relationship and are trying to work through them in your own ways. Your approach is more scientific, while your wife's is more emotional, which is also an effort.

Then comes the second step: Is there a solution that suits both parties? It's so important to remember that the relationship is mutual and relative, and that both people must have a way that is more acceptable.

For instance, you don't care much for the use of "highly conflictual" communication styles, so it's important for your wife to understand this. Every family has its own way of communicating, and in some relationships, if you point out the shortcomings in a calm manner, no one's self-esteem will be hurt. In other relationships, both parties are more used to holding back and then exploding, using generally calm and cultivated love and warmth to cover the bottom line of the conscious "blurting out" in the explosion, and then tacitly not mentioning it again afterwards. In some relationships, there are constant skirmishes, but they never touch bottom lines, because both people think that holding back will hurt and kill themselves. So, it's better to output negative emotions from time to time and face them together.

As you can see, there's no one-size-fits-all formula for relationships. There's no perfect way to get along, only a specific model that suits both parties in the relationship. We often say that this is the case with "running in." If both parties believe that "we can create a balance that is acceptable to both of us," then it proves that you can feel it when getting along. You've already experienced this model! You just need to communicate further and try to identify what the specific situation, occasion, time, and mood are.

The kind of "ideal state" that you feel is so important!

However, if neither of you has ever felt, from the very beginning to the very end, that "we can be comfortable together/communicate/get along...", then there are only two possibilities: 1. It really isn't a good fit, and the friction will be terrible. You may feel new experiences in the relationship, but it will be difficult to balance, and you will live a more exciting life. 2. Try even more, such as going to counseling together on relationships between the sexes, exploring new scenarios for getting along/experiencing new template-like relationships, creating new opportunities for joint participation...

There are just two possible scenarios: 1. If it doesn't work out, the friction can be pretty intense. You might feel a sense of novelty in the relationship, but it's hard to balance it out, and it can be quite exciting. 2. Why not try doing more together? You could go to counseling to explore new ways of getting along, or you could experiment with new template relationships and create new opportunities for joint participation.

.

If you've made up your mind to get a divorce, it might be a good idea to give your relationship one last try and face the problems together. It's important to be open and honest with each other and to say everything that is on your mind. There are a couple of advantages to doing this: 1. We will always find similar people as partners, so if you end a marriage hastily without finding the root of the problem, you are likely to encounter the same problem next time. Knowing in advance the biggest problem can be used as a reference. 2. Many people wish they could avoid becoming enemies after a divorce. The secret is for both parties to clearly know the root of the problem that the marriage cannot continue. They have both put in enough patience and effort into the relationship, but it still hasn't worked out.

Then, of course, there'll be less resentment and unwillingness in their hearts. 3. The worst that can happen is that the relationship breaks up and they never see each other again. Then you can say whatever you normally think you shouldn't, like "I'll be damned if I say this" or "I don't want to lose face if I say this"... Similar things can be said without any worries.

I really hope you'll figure out what you want and have the confidence to achieve your dreams. If you have any other questions or need more specific advice, please don't hesitate to contact me ([email protected]) or any of my other professional friends.

Hello!

I can see your question, your inner desire, and your emotional distress. Let's dive right in and take a look at the general content of your question:

1. You chose to get married because of responsibilities and pressures, but you also chose to love each other!

2. You don't get close to each other very much because there is not enough love in your hearts. This resistance often leads to the other person losing their temper and even beating you up. But there is hope! You can overcome this resistance and improve your relationship. You can even make your marriage stronger than ever!

I want to talk to you about this topic here. Everyone needs love and a sense of belonging. Everyone is the same—and this is the main reason why many people eventually choose to get married, which is a wonderful thing!

Emotions flow and can be transmitted across a distance. Your wife is in a state of rage [a shrew, a fierce and evil mother-in-law] because she feels that your attitude towards her is not close and intimate enough. This is also the lovely thing about the world—everyone will get love and warmth in their own way, it's just that your wife doesn't express it correctly. But here's the good news: you can change this!

Desires love as much as you do, not to hurt.

? Expectations vs. reality

You expect it to be like this—you like each other and you love each other!

But here's the thing: you got married under pressure. And you don't really feel happy or satisfied. This is a problem! How can you be responsible and happy if you don't have love and expectations?

When I saw you mention the word "responsibility," I got really excited because I had something to say about it! You are not responsible to anyone—yourself, your partner, or your family. You are not responsible at all. Especially not to the woman or yourself. This is "plotting against life and fortune"—every day is unhappy, and life is only so long. Living in anger and rage for a long time will shorten your life. Time is precious, and you can create wealth and value!

You both are angry and dissatisfied. Isn't this equivalent to "plotting against someone to take their life"? Both sets of parents must also be worried and annoyed by the state of your relationship. It's time to wake up and take responsibility for your actions. You can do this!

You are causing trouble for them. Society needs a birth rate. They have even opened up to having three children! You have been married for three years, and you have so much time to make a change. You can have a child, or you can even adopt! You can contribute to social harmony and stability in so many ways.

Who are you responsible for? And who is responsible for you?

Even if the other person scolds or beats you, you still long to feel loved, which shows that you long for love. Of course, the other person also longs for your love and attention, rather than resisting and distancing themselves. This is a wonderful thing!

It's just that you both don't know how to express it properly. But the feedback that your partner gives you, "beatings and scoldings," is based on the fact that you decided to get married but didn't feel like doing it just to get it over with, and you didn't feel close to each other very much — that's why she has such an attitude. But there's so much potential for improvement!

The good news is that change can start with you! You can also work together to change the way you get along with each other.

You didn't choose to get married out of love and happiness at first, but you can choose to make your marriage a wonderful, loving relationship! You still long for a sweet and loving married life – is that really so outrageous? Wake up! You need to first step away from your expectations and ideals, accept reality, see reality, and make positive changes before your marriage relationship can improve in any way.

How can you improve? You can grow from within and heal yourself!

There's a conflicted child in your heart, and it's time to embrace it! On the one hand, you've chosen someone or something you don't really like. But on the other hand, you long for the happiness of other children who got what they wanted right from the start. Isn't this an obvious "unfair contract" and an unreasonable demand?

So, reality has not given you what you want, but instead has caused you pain. The good news is that you can change this! The fact that you get such feedback from your wife in your marriage is not essentially because of her problems – it is because you both have your own childhood wounds and unfulfilled expectations, and you are dancing in each other's minefields.

These things can be slowly healed through inner self-growth. Absolutely! Everyone has the right to happiness. You can consider one-on-one psychological counseling to slowly grow, gain support and strength, and heal yourself.

? Is there hope for the couple relationship? Absolutely! It all depends on you.

As mentioned above, self-growth and healing are important. And the most important relationship in the world is the one you have with yourself! You are with yourself every second, from birth to death. When you embrace your inner self, your attitude towards your wife will also change from abuse to kindness.

Then, the other person will no longer be able to use the previous "shrew" state to face someone who gives them care and love!

Secondly, when you've made some great progress in your individual counseling, if you still want to continue living together, you can consider couples counseling together! You can complete the homework together, understand yourself and see each other, and then slowly enter each other's hearts.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! The world and I love you!

Greetings!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the most valuable asset of the human body.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a range of intense emotions, including inner turmoil, worry, anxiety, pain, and a sense of being adrift.

I will refrain from delving into the specifics of your difficulties, given that you are unable to muster a sense of affection when in the company of your wife. Instead, I will offer three pieces of advice for your consideration.

First and foremost, it is imperative to recognize that in an intimate relationship, the individual who experiences greater distress is more likely to initiate change.

Your decision to seek assistance indicates that you are experiencing a greater degree of distress and a stronger desire for change. Additionally, modifying one's own behavior can be a relatively straightforward process.

It is my hope that, prior to implementing any changes, you will be able to grasp the following two points.

It is important to recognize that while feelings of love are a significant aspect of a marriage, so too are the responsibilities and commitments inherent to the institution of marriage. Additionally, it is not uncommon for feelings of love between couples to gradually diminish over time, potentially evolving into a more affectionate bond.

In your description, you indicated that when you married your spouse, you did not feel a strong affinity for her. You further stated that you were compelled by factors such as responsibility and pressure to enter into the marriage. However, it is important to recognize that your decision to marry was also a personal choice, and as such, you bear responsibility for it.

It should be noted that this does not imply that a divorce is not an option; rather, it is essential to conduct a rational analysis of the situation.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that feelings of affection between a couple can be cultivated.

You indicated that you did not "really like" her at the time of your marriage, which suggests that you still held some degree of affection for her. It may, therefore, be beneficial to reflect on the aspects of her personality that initially elicited a positive response from you and to attempt to rekindle that sentiment.

In the three years you have been married, is there truly nothing about her that you find appealing?

It is important to note that the notion of a "perfect wife" is a fallacy, as there is no such thing as a perfect person. Therefore, it is unproductive to idealize one's spouse.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to consider whether there are any positive qualities about yourself that she appreciates. Do you demonstrate a sense of affection towards her?

It is my intention to encourage you to consider this perspective, as it will facilitate your comprehension of the fundamental truth that love and affection are mutual.

Upon grasping these two points, I initiated a sincere communication with my wife as a preliminary step towards transformation.

One might reasonably inquire as to why one should assume the burden of initiating change if the other party does not reciprocate.

It is understandable that you hold this perspective; however, it is crucial to understand that initiating change is not a means of seeking a definitive answer, but rather, it is an opportunity to explore a novel possibility for your relationship. Failure to embrace this shift may result in the perpetuation of your current circumstances, which are likely to be characterized by a lack of fulfillment and mutual satisfaction.

Secondly, it is recommended that an honest conversation with your wife be initiated.

The objective of the communication is to convey your genuine thoughts and feelings to her.

It is possible that you may assert that you have attempted to communicate with her on numerous occasions, yet your efforts have been futile, or you may feel that she is an individual with whom communication is unfeasible. At this juncture, you may wish to consider employing the following approach to communication and observe the outcome:

First, it is essential to attempt to comprehend her perspective. This will facilitate her ability to "hear" your message.

In your account, you indicated that your wife lost her temper because you were not sufficiently close to her and even struck you. I empathize with your feelings of helplessness and pain, but have you considered her perspective? You chose to marry her, yet you do not cultivate a close relationship with her. Is this not a form of rejection on your part?

It is reasonable to assume that few individuals would choose to be rejected.

Furthermore, you have indicated that you would like your wife to alter her behavior in accordance with your preferences. Have you considered the possibility that your actions and thoughts may be perceived as "coercive," which could lead to feelings of inadequacy and rejection? It is unlikely that anyone desires to be changed against their will.

It is important to note that expressing these sentiments does not imply that the wife's actions were justifiable, particularly given the use of physical violence. Instead, the objective is to facilitate a constructive dialogue between the two parties.

Secondly, it is preferable to commence with an "I" statement and focus on emotional content, as opposed to initiating with a "you" statement, which may evoke feelings of rejection and blame, thereby impeding communication.

For example, one might say, "(The name you usually call her), I would like to engage in a constructive dialogue with you. We have been married for three years. I am aware that you have endured significant challenges due to the distance between us. I take responsibility for my role in this situation and am concerned about the future of our marriage. I do not want this to continue. I do not want to interact with you in a negative manner. I hope you can understand me. I am unable to do so at this time. I value you greatly. Please consider my perspective. I also want to hear your authentic feelings."

Following such an open and honest exchange, it is probable that she will comprehend your perspective and may even divulge her genuine sentiments, including her opinions about you, her thoughts on having children, and her perception of the marital relationship. This form of communication serves to dissipate negative emotions and enhance the quality of your marriage.

It is recommended that you allow yourselves a period of time to adjust and be prepared for the possibility that your wife will not change her behaviour before making a rational decision.

Following a comprehensive exchange of views, it is possible that the other party may not alter their behaviour in accordance with your expectations. This is because nobody wishes to be compelled to change. In such circumstances, it may be helpful to allow a period of time for reflection.

Additionally, it is important to recognize that she may not undergo any significant changes.

Despite the mutual influence between partners, it is possible that she will not change, nor does she want to change, after you have changed. She may still lose her temper frequently and even strike you. At this juncture, it is necessary to accept the reality that it is challenging to identify any positive qualities in her.

Once this reality is accepted, expectations of the partner in question will cease to exist, resulting in an improved emotional state. Absence of expectations, in this context, is conducive to the absence of hurt.

When expectations of change are relinquished, the possibility of change may emerge. This may appear paradoxical, but it is a consequence of the fundamental nature of change, which is contingent upon the absence of resistance.

At this juncture, it is imperative to ascertain whether the status quo of the marriage should be maintained. It is unlikely that you will experience significant ambivalence or distress at this stage, given that you have already invested considerable time, energy, and resources into the relationship.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. Should you wish to engage in further communication, you are invited to click on the "Find a Coach" link at the foot of this page, which will enable you to contact me directly for one-to-one discussion.

Hello, questioner!

After reading your question on the platform, I understand your current confusion and your complicated feelings at this moment. You need to decide how to continue this marriage and how to establish an intimate relationship with your wife.

I will help you analyze and sort out your thoughts.

(1) Reasons for choosing to get married in the first place:

You are not young anymore, and you got married because you felt pressure from the other party to take on responsibilities.

He hesitates because he does not feel fond of her.

(2) Reasons for the marriage ending:

Your wife loses her temper and scolds you because you are not close enough. This makes you more and more resistant to her.

You don't like her and you don't want to get close to her.

You must express your feelings. If you don't, you'll drift further and further apart, and it will become more and more difficult to get along with each other. You'll feel guilty and scared.

You are both under increasing pressure because you have not yet had a child together.

You are confused about the future of your marriage and unsure of your next steps.

...

(3) You must decide whether to continue this marriage or to divorce.

You need to think about why you got married. What was the point of getting married? Should you have gotten married? Should you marry someone you don't particularly like because of so-called responsibilities?

You need to consider all of this clearly before marriage, not after.

2. Many people rush into marriage without knowing what it is. They do it because they are getting older, because their parents are pushing them, because they are worried that they won't get married, or for some other reason they don't even know themselves. You're doing it too. It's been three years since you got married, and you're still drifting apart. You're married, but your mind and body are not in a state of marriage. You're completely out of step with your marriage.

You don't even give your wife a chance to get close to you. That's not going to work if you want to like her.

3. When two people marry for the sake of marriage, the relationship is the most insecure. Your wife even uses tantrums and scolding to get your attention and try to slowly draw you closer to her, while you seem to still be living in a world of one.

It's time to ask yourself some tough questions. Have you ever really loved your wife? Do you care about her feelings?

You say you want to find the feeling of love again, but the question is, did you really love each other?

"I want to know if I should ask my wife to make changes to suit my preferences. And I want to know how I can find the feeling of being loved again."

I need to get rid of this feeling of being constrained. I don't know why I've become like this. If there's no way to change the situation, I'm going to put up with it or get a divorce.

"

4. You must consider whether you are ready to enter your marriage and accept your wife. If you can't figure it out, you're not the only one who will suffer. Relationships require mutual commitment, and whoever suffers will change.

You would not be in this situation if you had taken responsibility for your marriage and treated your wife with respect.

5. You must decide whether to stay together or separate. If you want to cherish your wife and your relationship, you will know immediately what to do to make up for the harm you have done to your wife and how to manage your marriage well.

6. If you give up on the marriage yourself, do nothing and care about nothing, the end result will undoubtedly be a broken marriage. If you are just afraid that you may not be able to find a suitable marriage partner when you get older, I advise you to let your kind wife go!

Don't hurt her again and again. She has probably had a hard time over the years. No woman gets married with divorce in mind, and no woman doesn't want to be cared for and loved.

7. If you've listened to me and you still want to fight for it, have a good talk with your wife. Solve any problems through negotiation. Nothing is impossible to solve through good communication. Talk to her, discuss it, and it will get better slowly. I guarantee it.

I am proud and uninhibited, and I love the world.

Dear Question Asker, After reading your text, I thought of a term that is frequently discussed in this context: the three-year itch.

The veracity of the "three-year itch" and the "seven-year itch" in marriage is open to question. It may be that the answers lie in each person's heart.

Firstly, you stated that your wife becomes angry and even strikes you because you are not sufficiently close to her. As a result, you have become increasingly resistant to her, experiencing feelings of guilt and fear. You have lost your attraction to your wife and no longer feel inclined to get close to her.

From this description, it is evident that you have a strong affinity for your wife. In the context of the love triangle theory, love is conceptualized as a triangle, with the three sides representing intimacy, passion, and commitment.

The term "love" is open to interpretation. Without a clear understanding of what love entails, it becomes challenging to find a genuine and fulfilling relationship. When the definition of love between partners is not aligned, it can lead to difficulties in providing the level of love and support each individual desires.

I would be interested to hear your views on this matter.

Secondly, you have stated that, at almost 40 years of age, you and your wife are approaching the traditional age for having children. However, you have expressed uncertainty about your preferences and the future of your marriage. Should you request that your wife alter her behaviour to align with your expectations?

Have you had the opportunity to discuss this topic in depth? A man's positive influence through his words can contribute to a happy marriage, good offspring, and a happy family.

A man's communication skills can have a significant impact on the overall fate of the family.

A man who is adept at communication is one who can leverage emotional intelligence to maintain a marriage, utilize intellectual ability to educate children, treat parents with filial piety, resolve issues with ease, and lead a fulfilling and successful life. I would value your thoughts on my response.

How might you go about rekindling the feeling of love in your marriage, and how might you overcome the sense of being constrained and uncomfortable?

Please recall the scene in which you first met. Do you recall the happy scenes that occurred between you?

Have you considered discussing the following questions with your wife?

1. What are the factors that contribute to your sense of accomplishment?

2. Please indicate the period of your life that you consider to be the happiest.

3. Please describe your coping mechanisms when you experience negative emotions.

4. Please indicate your desired timeline for having children and the number you would like to have.

Please indicate whether you would prefer a natural birth or a Caesarean section.

Please indicate whether you would prefer a caesarean section.

5. Please describe the plan for dividing up household responsibilities. For example, who will make the decision to cook or clean, purchase a vehicle or renovate the house?

In the event of a disagreement, it is essential to be able to resolve the issue promptly and effectively. This requires the ability to recognize when a conflict has reached a point where it can be resolved, and the willingness to forgive and move on from past mistakes.

Are you willing to continue learning in order to better serve the other person? Are you willing to engage in ongoing self-reflection and pursue personal growth?

7. Please indicate how you would like to commemorate a special day or anniversary.

Please note that the above questions are for reference only.

Ultimately, the most effective approach to a happy marriage is to reach a consensus. When communicating, it is essential to adopt a gentle tone.

1. Beginning a sentence with "I" rather than "you" helps to avoid accusations while providing the other person with an opportunity to defend themselves. In business, it is common to start sentences with "you" and accuse the other person, who then tends to want to defend and refute.

This is something that needs to be acknowledged and addressed.

2. Provide a factual account without making any evaluative or judgmental statements. When describing the facts, the person involved may be emotionally invested, which can lead to a tendency to evaluate or judge.

This is an ineffective approach to problem-solving. It is essential to express yourself clearly.

3. Be polite. This is a simple concept, but one that is not always easy to put into practice.

Despite the emphasis placed on politeness in child-rearing, this quality is often absent in relationships between partners.

?4. Show appreciation. Everyone appreciates recognition, and if you can still appreciate your partner when there is conflict, the conflict can be resolved in a relatively harmonious way.

5. It is important to communicate effectively and avoid prolonged periods of silence, as they can impede progress and lead to misunderstandings.

I hope these responses prove helpful. I wish you all the best.

Hello! From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling pretty confused and powerless in your marriage. It's totally normal to feel this way! There's a lot of uncertainty about the future of your marriage, and you're not sure whether to stick it out with your partner or to divorce in time to avoid further losses.

Let's start by taking a look at how your married life has developed. It seems that you didn't like your wife much before you got married. In fact, you only chose to marry her because you felt pressured to do so. Unfortunately, after marriage, your relationship deteriorated further due to a lack of intimacy.

Secondly, I can also sense from your description that although you are not happy with your marriage, you haven't yet made up your mind to divorce. Does that mean you still have a glimmer of hope for the future? Perhaps if you or your wife can make some adjustments, your marriage could improve and you could go on together in the future.

If you truly believe this, I think the first thing we need to do is learn to be honest with each other. For example, you and your wife can talk openly and honestly.

1. Let's chat about how you're feeling and what you're hoping for in terms of her actions.

2. As you mentioned, your wife scolds and beats you because she feels that you are not close enough. How do you really feel about your wife's desire for closeness?

3. I think your wife knows that this approach will only make you want to distance yourself from her more. I'm sure she'd love to change her tactics if she sensed this.

4. Let's talk about what you want for the future. What changes can you make to make your marriage even better?

Hello, host!

I understand the host's confused feelings. A marital status like this is common.

Do you want to stay or leave? I don't know what to do.

Consider the following factors:

Is there still love?

2. How to divide joint property.

3. Kids.

First, think about your emotions.

Are you willing to try to save your marriage through communication?

If neither party gives in and neither is willing to compromise, it doesn't matter how much property there is or whether there are children.

If at least one person is willing to change, with help from a counselor, there is hope for a better situation.

The second is dividing property.

If one person leaves, the other person's finances might not be enough to maintain better conditions.

If you can't provide a better education for your kids, money can also affect your decision.

Children are the most important factor.

They got together because they were attracted to each other, but after having a child,

A couple's breakup affects the couple and their kids.

Many couples wait until their children are grown up, at least until after college.

This is why the divorce rate rises after the college entrance exam.

If there are no children, there is no concern.

The host doesn't have kids.

I'm worried about having a child now that I'm not young.

The host still cares about his wife.

If there's no third party and you've lost feelings for each other, there's still room for this relationship.

Change the way you communicate, find each other's bright spots, and express love.

If the host thinks about his wife's strengths and what she brings to the relationship, he'll see her positive qualities.

And magnify. See shortcomings as less important than strengths. Tolerate shortcomings.

Marriage is a collaboration between two people and two families.

It's not about finding the right person. It's about making yourself happy. It takes two to tango.

Each person should be independent, have their own money, and be tolerant.

This makes the marriage stronger.

Should you change to save your marriage?

Should you look for another relationship?

It's up to the host.

No matter how many times you try, you can't learn to swim if you can't swim.

I wish you a happy life!

I love you, Warm June!

From your description, it seems that age is a factor that makes you feel like you "have to," which is totally normal! It reveals reluctance, helplessness, and depression, which you can work on.

You didn't really like your wife very much when you got married, and you even hesitated, but you "reluctantly" got married anyway.

After getting married, you feel guilty and scared, and you're still working on liking your wife. But you're doing it! You're putting up with it, and you're making progress.

Now the two of them have talked about the option of divorce, but they are still undecided and don't know what the future holds—so many possibilities!

So, should you accommodate your wife and find a way to like it? Or should you ask your wife to change to suit your preferences?

No matter which option you choose, you'll be taking a bold step forward!

The good news is that you can change this! The reason for being "reluctant" is simply dissatisfaction with the status quo.

But you don't have the courage to change this dissatisfaction, and you can only accept it passively. But you can change this dissatisfaction! You just need to find the courage to make a change.

These questions need to be sorted out, and I'm excited to do it!

What kind of partner do I like? Appearance, personality traits?

What do I expect from married life? How do the two of us communicate?

How do they deal with happiness and sadness? How do they handle household chores and finances?

I'm excited to see how she approaches family relationships!

I can't wait to find out what kind of family with children I'm going to have! And I'm really excited to find out what kind of father I'm going to be!

I can't wait to find out what kind of mother my partner will be!

...

Now, complete the picture in your mind of what you are "satisfied" with, and look up at it!

Then, ask yourself:

Absolutely! My wife meets all the criteria of my ideal partner. What does she meet?

And what doesn't?

What are you absolutely thrilled about in your current married life, and what could be improved?

What can I do to make my ideal married life a reality?

...

If you decide to give it another try, you can share with your wife the picture of married life you expect, and you can paint it together, work together, and each make appropriate adjustments and concessions.

If your ideal married life is very different, then you have the exciting opportunity to live a life of compromise! However, this may mean that you and your partner are unable to fully satisfy your individual needs, and neither of you will be completely happy.

Age is a factor to consider, because you are almost 40! This is a great time in your life to make more rational and cautious decisions.

But you still have 40 or 50 years of life ahead of you! Think about what you want your life to be like in the second half.

And there's an even more important question:

For such "reluctance," it may have become your lifestyle, running through work, life, and relationships. But you can change that!

In other words, even if you find someone else, are satisfied with them, and like them, you may still be used to pushing yourself to the limit and suppressing your feelings. But that just means there's room for improvement! There will still be a lot of things that don't go your way, but that's all part of the journey.

It would be a great idea to work with a counselor to find the answer!

I really hope the above is helpful!

Hello. You seem confused and unsure. You're trying to decide whether to stay or leave, but you're not sure.

Three years of marriage seems like a bad start. It's probably related to how you felt before you got married. You might not be ready for marriage yet. If you're not clear-minded before marriage, you won't be truly at ease after. This is tricky.

You mentioned divorce, which means giving up, but you used "even," which seems to show an emotional reaction to a conflict. There may be a way to make it better!

It's hard to change someone else. It's also hard to change yourself. It's better to focus on your own problems than to expect others to change.

You can sort it out. What can you do that won't change your bottom line but will be kind to your partner? There are probably things you do like. Focus on these things. Let's not worry about whether we stay together, but first become partners who can communicate calmly and amicably.

You will inevitably have to make some changes. Know what you don't want to change and leave it alone. Do this to reassure your partner and make yourself feel comfortable.

This exploration helps you learn if you can really love her and if you're willing to spend a lifetime with her flaws.

Is living with her better than living alone? Is there a big gap between her and my ideal self?

Not all happy marriages start with deep love. Some also start with parental orders, life's pressures, and uncontrollable events. The starting point is important, but managing the process is even more important.

When we've explored these things, we'll know whether to stay together or go our separate ways. We spend our whole lives trying to understand ourselves better.

Life is hard, but the world is worth it.