A 40-year-old mother of one, not sharing, not partying, ordinary job, how to be happy?

The questioner, I am gratified to have made your acquaintance.

After reading your description, I empathize with your situation and wish to extend my support. It is evident that you are under significant pressure, juggling responsibilities related to your children and livelihood. Despite your outward resilience, I imagine you are experiencing considerable distress.

Despite your roles as both a mother and an employee, you remain an individual with intrinsic value.

The situation of being divorced and raising two children on one's own is inherently challenging. The children require the mother's attention, yet the mother is unable to abandon her professional responsibilities. It is necessary for her to attend to the children and her work simultaneously. Even a figure like Superman, renowned for his abilities, requires periods of rest and care.

I would like to extend my sincerest gratitude to you for your resilience and tenacity. I would also like to express my empathy for your situation, as I can relate to it on a personal level. I am a mother as well, and I am a full-time homemaker responsible for the care of three children.

Dear friend, While your children and life in general require your attention, it is imperative that you prioritize your own well-being. While social events and videos can be enjoyable, it is crucial to incorporate self-care into your daily routine.

First and foremost, women are individuals, then mothers, and finally employees. It is essential for women to engage in communication, receive care, be acknowledged, and experience love.

It is recommended that you seek the counsel of a trusted friend or a qualified psychological counselor. Our Yiyixinli platform offers access to a network of highly skilled psychological counselors and listeners. The adage "sharpening the knife does not delay the firewood cutting" underscores the importance of taking time for relaxation and self-care to maintain a balanced state of mind. Prioritizing occasional periods of relaxation and rejuvenation, even if it is only for a brief duration, can enhance the efficacy of your daily activities.

It has been two years since you have been carrying this burden, dear friend. It is important to recognize that you are also human and that you require rest. It is time to take a break. While special leave is not necessary to travel and relax, it is essential to set aside at least an hour a day for solitude, even if it is only half an hour.

It is imperative to allocate time for introspection and self-care. This entails recognizing and acknowledging one's emotions and stress, engaging in activities that bring joy and contentment, and nurturing one's own needs. By slowing down and embracing solitude, individuals can gradually perceive the warmth and beauty inherent in life.

Furthermore, the relaxation in question is beneficial to both the parent and the child.

One's unhappiness and helplessness are indicative of an underlying need for self-reflection and acknowledgement of one's innermost feelings. It is essential to pause and allow oneself to connect with one's soul and inner self.

Life is not without its challenges, yet there is much to be proud of. One must recognize that one is good enough, strong enough, and capable enough. It is essential to practice self-love and manage stress and emotions in a constructive manner.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance to you, and that you find success in all your endeavors.

From what she's saying, I get the sense that she's feeling pretty helpless and depressed. She's been working and scheduling her life so much that she barely has a moment to catch her breath. She's carrying a lot of pain and grievances that she hasn't let go of. It's tough for her to take care of two kids without going to work. I really admire her! I'm glad to see that she's aware of what she's going through. This is a great opportunity for her to wake up and make a change!

The world thinks that getting drunk can solve all your worries, and that being busy can make you forget your worries. But in fact, it just makes you feel more empty and worried. How do you solve your worries? The only way is to "face, accept, deal with, and let go." This is the true way to solve problems!

Master Shengyan said, "If you run from a problem, you won't solve it. You'll only be free of it if you take responsibility and use your wisdom."

Context:

Take some time to ask yourself and find yourself.

The problem owner drowns out emotions with busyness, suppressing their personal life and emotional needs. It's recommended that when it's quiet at night, you try to figure out what you really want. Is the current "me" the real me? Are you willing to live a good life for yourself?

Sometimes facing your heartbreak head-on can be a different kind of happiness. I was once in that situation, and after experiencing a change of fortune, I thought deeply about who I should live for. My life has been very different ever since. It's true that whoever suffers, whoever changes. When you are willing to change everything, everything will change. A single thought can make a big difference. The key is to find your true self and be yourself. It's not easy to live according to your heart's desires, but it's worth trying. Encourage yourself to find the courage, it's worth it!

It's important to accept your emotions and work through problems.

Life is full of ups and downs. It's smart to face challenges head-on.

"Time flies like an arrow, never to be returned." The past is already gone, whether it was good or bad, and no matter what you feel, it's best to first accept it, then try to sort it out one by one and find the right solution. In the past, when I faced it directly and took it seriously, it was quite painful but also quite effective. As the saying goes, "The world fears the word 'serious'." If you don't try, you won't have a chance. Only by trying can you solve it. Even if it's difficult to solve for the time being, as long as you do your best, you can feel at ease!

If you want to restart your life, you have to start over. If you want to let go of others, you have to spare yourself. Letting go of others will give you spiritual freedom!

Life is long, so make the most of it!

Set goals and go after your dreams.

Having a clear sense of direction in life helps you avoid getting lost!

How do you spend the rest of your life without regrets? To end your life without regrets, think about your dreams. Take one step at a time until you reach your goal. This process is difficult, but it's worth it. If you work hard every day, you'll be happy and successful.

The original poster wants to be happy. I personally believe that happiness is superficial. If the deep-seated problems aren't resolved, happiness will only be temporary. The cure for a mental illness requires a mental approach. If the original poster can be aware of and try the things listed above, the way will be clear, and true happiness comes from the heart.

You can try adding some surprises and rituals to your life, looking up at the stars while keeping your feet on the ground, loving yourself so you can love your children and others well, and believing you can live a better life if you're willing to do so!

The road is long and difficult, but if you keep at it, you'll get there.

Just my two cents, for whatever it's worth.

I also want to mention peace and safety.

Hello!

It's okay to feel tired. In fact, it's good to let yourself feel it. This column is your space to rest and recharge.

I hope these words will be there for you when you're feeling tired. They're not too hot or too cold. They're the small blessings under the soft, starry sky and the desk lamp.

"Spinning like a top" is a kind of cry, a cry of "I'm really tired." I have to take care of this, and then I have to take care of that?

!

A gyroscope has a sense of order and mechanism, but inside it is afraid of a sense of uncertainty. So, try to grasp a sense of complete control over your life.

As a woman, you also have the roles of daughter and wife on top of being a mother. People tend to view women in terms of these roles.

Then, where am I? You have to deal with public opinion, the pressure of comments from different perspectives, and the suppression of your true self and innocence.

If you allow yourself to see your own vulnerability, you'll discover that you have the ingenuity and ability of a ceramicist.

TikTok is a global and efficient product, but it may not be for everyone.

The topic starter's point of "not using TikTok" is like a good student who wants to get 100 points but dares not play games. As a mother, I am occasionally sloppy (as Mr. Zeng Qifeng mentioned), but I can also let go of my tiredness (I add this point, smiling emoticon).

When a child needs it, a warm hug from us is all they need.

The above looks at the topic of "not using TikTok" from different angles, showing support for the person who asked the question and the psychological state we're expressing behind the phrase "not using TikTok."

We'll stick with you for a while to help you work through your anxiety. We'll approach it in a playful way and help you reconnect with your childlike innocence and inquisitive nature.

We can bid farewell to it and let the birds fly as high as they like, and the fish leap as far as they like.

I'm a certified psychological writer and listening therapist, Qinling. I'm also a cat mom to three furry friends!

This heart of mine belongs to the place where the clouds cross the Qinling Mountains.

Good day. I am Strawberry.

From the questioner's statements and emotional responses, it is evident that she has endured significant challenges over the past two years. As a parent, I can empathize with the difficulties of balancing work and childcare responsibilities. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

The questioner is compelled to work and care for two children without assistance. It is not difficult to envision the daily circumstances she faces. Her time is fully occupied, with responsibilities to her work and children, leaving her with no opportunity to nurture her social life or attend to her emotional needs. Despite the toll this has taken on her physical and mental well-being, the questioner persists in her efforts.

It is imperative to advocate for the rights of children.

The questioner indicated that she is divorced and has two children. Based on the age of the questioner, the children are not particularly old. Despite the divorce, the children's father remains obligated to provide alimony, regardless of the cause of the divorce or the father's financial circumstances.

In the event that private communication is unable to secure the desired outcome for the children, the questioner has the option of pursuing the matter through community or legal channels. With a modest improvement in the financial situation, the pressure on the questioner will be lessened, and she will be less anxious because the responsibility for the two children rests with her and she is unwilling to relinquish it.

It is essential to have a clear understanding of one's objectives.

In addition to her professional and familial responsibilities, the questioner does not engage in leisure activities such as socializing, chatting, or using TikTok. Her schedule is characterized by a combination of activity and monotony. However, it is evident that she has a structured plan for her life, which she utilizes her limited leisure time to pursue.

Please describe the issue that is most problematic for you in your current situation.

Are you preoccupied with work responsibilities to the extent that you are unable to dedicate sufficient attention to your children? Have your children expressed any concerns or dissatisfaction with the current circumstances?

Does your current position require a significant expenditure of energy on a daily basis?

In the absence of social interaction, does the questioner recognize the value of the opportunities that have been forfeited?

Identify the responses to the questions that are most pertinent to your circumstances and then ascertain your objectives and future plans from these responses.

It is necessary to make appropriate adjustments.

In the event that one's current employment is causing fatigue, it may be beneficial to consider making adjustments independently, prioritizing tasks in a manner that avoids excessive workloads while still maintaining the capacity to engage in other responsibilities.

If the work situation can be adjusted slightly, the questioner will have the energy to engage with their family and children. Even brief interactions with their children can facilitate positive relationships with them, encourage children to appreciate their parents' efforts, and foster gratitude and consideration. Collectively, they can contribute to the well-being of the family. During their leisure time, they can rest comfortably. If circumstances permit, they can enjoy a picnic with their children or assist them in preparing a meal. Such simple pleasures can contribute to a sense of happiness.

Some posit that money can buy happiness; however, money is not the sole determining factor in one's happiness. Individuals pursue different things, and there are various pathways to happiness. Apart from parent-child interaction and companionship,

With children engaged in studies, the individual in question is afforded the opportunity to pursue activities aligned with their personal preferences. This can be perceived as a source of happiness. Similarly, the act of consuming food that aligns with one's preferences, the experience of viewing aesthetically pleasing scenery, and the opportunity to interact with individuals who hold personal significance can also be regarded as forms of happiness.

Despite the limitations of the economy, the questioner can achieve a considerable degree of happiness. By adopting a different perspective and maintaining a positive and optimistic outlook, it becomes evident that one's life is not as unfavorable as it may initially appear.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

May I respectfully propose that we consider the value of sharing as a habit? I am a monologue, and I recognize that my perspective may not align with everyone's.

If I may, I would like to share a story with you.

A woman who was experiencing a challenging situation in her life decided to seek guidance from a wise individual.

She said, "When I was young, I fell in love with a man and married him without much thought."

Over the past few decades, I have washed his clothes, cooked for him, given birth to his children, raised his children, and taken care of his parents until the end. I have never done anything to betray him, but he has expressed his frustration with me in various ways. I am unsure why he does not cherish me more.

The wise man suggested, "There is a mirror in the room. Perhaps you could take a look and see what you see."

The woman gazed into the mirror and observed, "I see a woman who has experienced many challenges."

The wise man smiled and said, "My child, you have already experienced a great deal. Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider making some changes to the choices you have made in the past."

It is possible that giving up all freedom for reality and livelihood may result in a less than optimal life for a woman.

In reality, many women experience a sense of sorrow when they feel they have become confined to the roles of a good daughter, good student, good wife, good mother, good friend, good employee, and good woman. This can result in a feeling of being trapped by the expectations of perfectionism.

For women, seeking financial independence is a crucial step in ensuring a better quality of life in today's world. While we strongly advocate for gender equality, it's important to acknowledge that there are still instances where gender-based differences and inequalities persist.

It is not easy for anyone to struggle for a living, and it is even more challenging for women to do their best for survival.

When a woman chooses to prioritize her livelihood and childcare, it may seem like a kind of helplessness and compulsion, but in reality, it is a way for women to be urgently cut off from the real world. They didn't want it to be this way, but everything they have experienced has created a feeling of fear in them. They may feel the need to hide their fear of losing control, of being seen through, of losing their job, and all other conflicts, by being busy every day.

It is possible that women may believe that by maintaining a busy state of mind and avoiding interactions with people, things, and situations on a daily basis, they can create a closed space where they are free from external interference. However, in today's world, it is not just about the physical spaces we occupy. In many instances, the emptiness of the mind can oppress a person even in the mere instant of stillness.

Over time, women may find themselves at odds with society and drifting further and further apart.

2. Perhaps we should all consider letting go of the good life we have worked so hard for.

Given the challenges of life, it can be tempting to forego certain forms of enjoyment. However, this may not be the wisest choice. When we take a moment to reflect, we can ask ourselves: What has your deliberate avoidance of certain activities brought to your life?

I believe that your deliberate avoidance has not brought you the life you desire. If it had, you would not be confused today, nor would you feel this invisible pressure from within. Your stress and unhappiness have already indicated that your deliberate avoidance has no substantive meaning.

It could be said that, apart from life and death, the rest of life is trivial.

It is important to remember that there is no shame in divorce. This is simply the natural ebb and flow of relationships. If two people are happy together, they will stay together. If they are not, they will part ways with respect. This open-minded approach to relationships is a healthier and more constructive way of thinking than the alternative of living together against your will.

Raising children is a challenging endeavor, but it's important to remember that they ultimately belong to a higher power. While your children are still young and close to you, it's natural to want to shelter them from the realities of life. However, one day they will have their own thoughts and pursue their own path in life.

If these two things are not a problem, then perhaps it would be helpful to consider what else might stand in your way. After working hard for half your life, it might be worth asking whether you could regain your yearning for the beauty of life, love what you love, and do what you like.

When you fully engage with the rich tapestry of life, you can truly experience the boundless joy that it offers.

One might suggest that avoiding life could ultimately lead to a sense of emptiness. It could be beneficial to embrace life as it is, in order to fully experience the rich range of emotions it offers.

If I might offer one final thought:

It might be said that it is only people who have experienced difficulties who are prone to dwelling on the past.

Perhaps they always expect to find a trace of sweetness in these reminiscences.

Perhaps it could be said that life does not necessarily require reminiscing.

I believe that the present is the most real of all.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to strive to become a woman who understands life.

I believe we should all try to live life to the fullest for ourselves.

From the description, it is evident that you are a resilient and courageous mother. The challenges of raising two children independently while maintaining employment are significant. I extend my sincerest support and encouragement to you, as I recognize the difficulties you are facing. I hope the following insights can offer some assistance.

♣ It is essential to identify and prioritize one's fundamental needs.

You work assiduously during the day and attend to the infant at night. You are so inundated with responsibilities that you have no time for self-care. How long has it been since you engaged in leisure activities that nourish your soul? Has the pressure of life made it challenging for you to hear the voice inside you?

The self is not defined by its role as a mother or as an employee; it is an independent entity.

One must detach oneself from the complexity of life, listen to one's innermost self, and rediscover the meaning and purpose of one's life.

♣ Accept your vulnerability.

As a single mother, it is understandable that you would want to prove through your own efforts that even if you are alone with a child, you can still get through life. However, when reality is different from this wish and you are unable to change it, stress ensues, which can result in feelings of unhappiness and helplessness.

One may posit that the individual in question relinquishes their best qualities to others and internalizes the pressure and vulnerability.

Indeed, one might argue that you are already wonderful. It would be beneficial to learn to accept your vulnerability and allow yourself to be like everyone else, with a strong side and a weak side, able to laugh happily and cry bitterly.

♣ It would be beneficial to learn how to draw upon one's own strength in times of need.

In your description, you indicated that you refrain from social activities such as attending parties, engaging in conversation, and using TikTok. While it is understandable that you may be experiencing fatigue, it is not advisable to isolate yourself and adopt a reclusive lifestyle. Engaging in social activities in a manner that aligns with your circumstances, including spending time with friends and colleagues, can not only alleviate stress but also facilitate a return to a normal social life and help mitigate the impact of divorce on your life.

It is therefore important to learn how to utilise the support of family, friends, colleagues and other sources of assistance in order to maintain a satisfactory quality of life for oneself and one's children following a divorce. Life is a lengthy process, and the value of family and friends lies in their ability to provide strength and support when one is in need.

When an individual possesses self-esteem, a sense of purpose in life, and a support system of family and friends, the experience of happiness and joy will manifest consistently and predictably on a daily basis.