A bad event often lingers in the mind for a long time; how can this be improved?

Many people in our network express their opinions, and everyone has something they want to say. However, this can sometimes make the situation a bit confusing, as freedom of speech can also lead to uncontrolled content. You may also notice changes in your own heart.

Sometimes, when you express an opinion and it is not accepted, you may feel a sense of discomfort, as if your entire being has been rejected and disrespected. However, this is not a reflection of your entire being. It is important to recognize that you still need to reconcile yourself.

Because this is a matter of itself and not directed at your entire being, you may wish to consider adjusting your thinking. Some things have happened, and they are what they are. If it really is your problem, then you may want to take responsibility and face the situation.

If there is no such thing, then perhaps it would be best to say goodbye to it. If there is, then it might be helpful to consider changing it. This is what is meant by this matter. You may keep rethinking it in your heart, which can make you feel more and more uncomfortable. It's possible that those things happened in the past and are unlikely to remain in your heart forever.

It would be helpful to understand this situation. When you feel that you cannot get away from it, it may be that you have not yet let go of it. Sometimes it may not be your problem; it may just be a slip of the tongue or something similar. You have your own values and can judge what kind of person you really want to be.

It is possible that certain verbal and behavioral actions of others may make you think. This process of constant thinking can help you to understand what kind of person the other person is, as well as what kind of person you are. It can also help you to realize your own problems and lifestyle, and to distinguish your life's issues from those of other people.

Could I ask you a question?

Hello, dear!

A bad thing is remembered for a long time in the heart, playing on a loop. But here's the good news! You can choose to let go of those negative voices and doubts. You can choose to let go of those uncomfortable feelings. You can choose to break free from that negative vortex. You can choose to feel good again!

I think it would be really helpful for you to pay attention to what feelings are triggered inside you the moment something bad happens. Are they feelings about how bad you are?

For example, you might think, "I'm terrible, I'm awful, I messed up again, I'm worthless," and so on. These feelings can be pretty intense! But you can also observe them with a sense of curiosity and detachment. What kinds of feelings and voices are sweeping over you?

When you see it clearly, you'll feel more understanding and compassion for yourself!

When something bad happens, everyone's mind is probably going to have different thoughts and reactions. Some people will feel sad for a while, but they'll be able to judge the matter objectively and determine whether it is their own fault or the other person's fault. They'll let their emotions pass, return to a corresponding stable state of mind, and continue living!

This matter is like a gust of wind. It might make you feel uncomfortable, but it will pass!

But if someone has been raised in a way that they are severely reprimanded, criticized, and scolded every time they make a mistake, or do something not good enough, or even when they don't do something good enough, the feeling that rises in their heart when they face these things as a child is probably that they are terrible, unworthy of love, and very fearful, abandoned, and in severe cases, even a feeling of death that threatens their existence. But here's the good news! There is a way to turn this around.

But here's the amazing thing! When these children grow up, as long as they make the same mistake again, even though they've already gained new insights and understand that an incident can be dealt with on its own merits, they can still overcome those same feelings of unease, fear, and inability to let go that they had as a child. It's because they've formed a new automatic association in their hearts!

Doing something badly is the same as being disliked. It means that they are not good enough to be loved. But guess what? They are! They are good enough to be loved. And when they realize that, they will feel a whole lot better.

I don't know if you are in a similar situation, but I think that when something bad happens, you probably feel a deeper kind of discomfort. This is a great opportunity to observe your internal operating mode! You may find that your judgment of yourself is more severe and negative.

If you see a child make a mistake and then get scolded severely by an adult, what do you want to do for the child? I think it's probably to go up to him and give him a big hug, and tell him that just because he didn't do something well doesn't mean he's a bad kid.

It's totally fine if things don't go as planned. Just do it better next time!

It's probably something like this!

Even though we're adults, we often punish ourselves harshly when we make mistakes. It's like we're our own worst critics! Do you feel like you're too hard on yourself?

Next time you make a mistake, you can treat yourself in a different way! It's okay to make a mistake, it's okay to be inappropriate, it's no big deal!

You don't need to be so bitter and resentful towards yourself, and you don't need to take every little thing so seriously and crucify yourself.

I feel like I'm rambling, ha ha! Let's recap!

I feel there are two points to consider. First, you can carefully observe the internal operating mode of yourself every time something bad happens. What kind of feelings and thoughts?

To understand and see yourself more deeply is a great start. But there's more! On the other hand, and most importantly, it is to perceive and understand yourself with permission and tenderness.

It's time to see your own patterns and deeply understand and protect yourself! These patterns were formed during the growth process due to the lack of support you should have received.

And now, you can bring this warm support to yourself little by little when your old wounds flare up!

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, and I'm here with my coach, Mo Xiaofan. We'd love to help you understand why it's so hard to let go of things that make us feel bad.

We all know that bad things can be like a thorn. It hurts when you pull it out, but if you don't pull it out, it will remain embedded and make you feel uncomfortable. So it's really important to know how to get rid of the thorn!

First of all, do we want to be who others see us as? We all have different opinions and views on the same thing, and that's okay! It's important to remember that everyone is different, and we should embrace that. So, ask yourself: are these people's views correct?

Take grades, for example. Some people can get good grades without studying hard, while others can't get good grades even if they try hard. Could it be that the latter ones study too hard?

It's not that there are different results; it's just that everyone has different ways of understanding and different approaches, so the results will be different. A bad exam result is not necessarily a problem of ability, and a good result does not necessarily mean that everything has been mastered. Life is the same. What we find embarrassing may not necessarily be embarrassing to others.

So, if something makes you feel uncomfortable, you can always express it in writing. This way, you can see what made you feel that way, what you can't let go of, what you did wrong, and how you can avoid it in the future.

The second thing is to stop overthinking things. We're not trying to find fault, we're trying to remove the thorn!

Sometimes it's okay to stop short. We can link lots of different things through a small detail, but is it really possible to deal with everything at once?

I'm really sorry to say that the answer is definitely not. So when we feel like we're in a dead end, it's really important that we stop in time, figure out what we want to do, what we can do, and how to do it.

At the end of the day, we just need to learn to live in the moment and do our best in the present.

Many of us have probably had this kind of reflection at one time or another: if we had done that at the beginning, nothing would have happened now. But it's not really fair to judge the past with the eyes of the present, is it? After all, even the original self did not know what the future would bring.

So, what we can do is find the best solution that suits us based on what we've got going on right now. And hey, mistakes and failures are just part of life. We can learn from them and make adjustments along the way.

Hello, I'm Qiqi, and I'm thrilled to be here!

I'm just like you! This situation often arises, and when something bad happens, I always keep thinking about it, falling into endless remorse and psychological depletion. I feel that it's all my own problem, and if I hadn't done this or that, it would have been fine. My mind just keeps thinking and thinking. But as I grew up and became more exposed to psychology, I've improved a lot in this state. I'd like to share my experience with you because I think you'll find it really interesting!

1. When this happens, try something new! Look back at your actions from the perspective of a bystander and think about the reasons why you did or said what you did. Did you really do anything wrong? Or are you just caught in a "fixed mindset" (for example, subconsciously blaming yourself and looking for reasons in yourself when something goes wrong)?

2. If you feel that you have really said or done something wrong to make someone unhappy, you can try to communicate with the other person proactively. You will find that very often you have just been overthinking things, and even if you really have said something to make someone unhappy, these awkward situations will quickly be resolved if you communicate and apologize. I have had this experience many times, feeling that I have not considered the feelings of others when I speak, and I have always been very sad and regretful afterwards. I struggled for a long time before deciding to speak openly with the other person, but as it turned out, the other person simply did not remember the incident, while I was stuck in it and unable to extricate myself. But then, something amazing happened! I decided to try a new approach. I spoke with the other person, and guess what? They didn't remember the incident either! We were both able to move on from it.

3. Finally, we can think about why we always care so much about other people's opinions and why we care so much about our image in other people's minds. Is it really that important whether other people like us or not? The answer is a resounding "no!" We cannot control what other people think. In other words, people who like you will find a thousand reasons to like you, and people who don't like you will also find a thousand reasons to dislike you.

People who really consider you a friend are the ones who can repair your relationship even if you say or do the wrong thing. Your relationship can continue! On the other hand, fake friends don't need to weather the storms of life; they can be broken with the slightest touch. So why do we care about the opinions of those who are unimportant? Our time and energy are so limited, so let's make sure we're spending it on the right people and things!

And finally, I hope we can all have the courage to be hated!