A friend gave me an expensive gift, and I'm not sure how to interact with her.

Hello, question asker. I see a core point in your question, and that is that you consider yourself to be a self-interested person. This may lead you to believe that you cannot relationship-with-another-woman-how-should-you-proceed-5719.html" target="_blank">trust anyone, that you cannot be honest with anyone, and that you are not worthy of love or trust.

Could I ask you to consider whether this is a sound logic? I wonder if it is true that a self-interested person cannot trust others and be honest with them. Perhaps we could leave aside the question of whether you are a self-interested person for the moment.

Let's consider your question. You mention that a friend gave you a valuable gift. It's interesting to note that you used the word "friend" and not "someone else," which suggests a level of trust in this person. Additionally, when you saw the gift your friend gave you, you expressed appreciation, which indicates that your friend is aware of your interests.

If you're not comfortable being honest with others, it might be challenging for your "friend" to know your hobbies.

Perhaps you feel that you don't trust others and that you're not honest with them, which makes it difficult for you to believe that you deserve to be loved and trusted. But is that really the case? Trust is a two-way street. No one will give too much to someone they don't trust. Your friend is willing to give you a gift, and it's even a valuable one. What does that show? He thinks you are trustworthy. Could it be that your actions have influenced his perception of you, rather than your inner self?

Perhaps we could revisit the question of whether you are a self-serving person. It seems that you expressed concern about accepting a gift from a friend because it was of significant value, and you felt a sense of guilt because you felt that your friend's gesture was too generous. Could you please elaborate on why you held this belief? Would a self-serving person typically have this belief? I can assure you that they would not. Self-serving individuals tend to be independent in their personalities, focusing on their own needs rather than on whether they might disappoint their friends. Those who hold beliefs similar to the one you mentioned in your question are often dependent in their personalities, paying more attention to others. Could you reflect on whether you often have such beliefs in your life? If I do this, will he... He has been so kind to me. How should I repay him... Just consider this: Is a person who is consistently concerned about other people's thoughts and always thinks about others genuinely a self-serving person?

It is not uncommon to feel a bit overwhelmed when receiving a valuable gift from a friend. It is always wise to first ascertain whether the gift has caused your friend an excessive financial burden. If so, you have the option of returning it and asking your friend for something inexpensive that you like as compensation. This can serve as a gesture of goodwill and psychological compensation for your friend. If the gift has not caused your friend an excessive financial burden, then you have the option of accepting it. This can lead to a more harmonious and caring relationship with your friend in the future. You can also take the opportunity to carefully prepare a gift for your friend on his birthday or other meaningful occasions.

Dear question asker,

I have carefully read your question and empathize with your current feelings. You received a valuable gift from a friend on your birthday, and you feel burdened. This kind of feeling is challenging to bear.

This brings to mind a friend with whom I was involved in a romantic relationship. He also bestowed gifts upon me on occasion, and I often felt inundated. I consistently desired to return them, reluctant to be beholden to him in any way. However, I am still a person who grapples with challenges, and I remained uncertain about what to give him. Consequently, I felt immense pressure, and I was reluctant to accept his gifts, as I was unable to fully disengage at all times and frequently felt compelled to reciprocate.

I believe that your current state of mind aligns with my own. Therefore, I propose that this matter be considered from the perspective of reciprocity, a concept deeply embedded in Chinese tradition. I acknowledge that your perspective is understandable, given the circumstances. I do not hold you responsible for your thoughts; they are a natural consequence of your friend's gift. I am unaware of the duration of your friendship with him. If you do not intend to reciprocate, it suggests a lack of shame and a clear conscience, without any expectation of return. I believe this is an important aspect for him to consider. Can he guarantee that he will always treat you with kindness?

I am aware that you are not of that disposition, and I am not suggesting that you act in such a manner. I merely posit that if the other person is calculating, does she have her own agenda in doing so? If the other person truly has their own agenda, then I do not believe that you should feel undue pressure. Given that he was pleased with our gift and the amount is not significant for the other person, we should reciprocate, which I believe is only fair.

Ultimately, one must act in accordance with their own moral compass. This is the foundation of a healthy friendship. If one adheres to this principle, it is likely that the other party will reciprocate with similar levels of honesty. Therefore, it is unnecessary to dwell on this matter.

I subsequently extended an invitation to him for a meal and social interaction. However, if I could simply refrain from dwelling on the matter, it would be preferable for me to reciprocate his gesture. It is evident that both of you derive satisfaction from this arrangement. By reciprocating, you have initiated a mutual exchange that fosters the growth of your friendship. As the bond strengthens, you may consider presenting him with a gift on his birthday, although it is not necessary to match the value of his gift.

In any case, it is my opinion that there is no need to make such comparisons. I believe that you should accept the expensive gift that he gave you and then give her a cheaper one to see how he reacts. Of course, this is also a very harsh truth for you. I am simply stating my opinion. Well, if you feel bad about giving her a cheap gift, then it is also possible that he may not feel good about giving you a gift that is dear to him.

As human beings, it is reasonable to assume that our thoughts and opinions are similar. Therefore, it is perplexing to consider why someone who is not wealthy would give such an expensive gift. Ultimately, this leads to a sense of confusion, prompting the initial question to be revisited: Is honesty truly indicated by the value of the gift?

Indeed, with regard to interpersonal relationships, I am in complete agreement with your assertion that self-interest and equality of exchange are fundamental to the formation and maintenance of friendships. Consequently, I endorse your entire line of reasoning and methodology.

One should simply act in accordance with one's own desires. Those who possess friends will find that these relationships will endure. Those who lack friends should not be unduly concerned. It is possible to overcome this lack of social connections by actively seeking out new friendships.

I am grateful for your inquiry, as it has provided me with the chance to reflect on this matter. Let us embark on a collective journey to foster friendships. The world and I extend our support and affection to you.

Hello question asker!

I'm Xiaobai. I don't have any worries, and I hope I can help you.

I read your account and have some ideas that might help.

Let's look at the problem the questioner had and try to understand it.

My friend gave me a very expensive gift for my birthday. She probably thought I would like it, but it was a lot of money for her. I envy her for trusting someone enough to treat them well. I'm selfish and I can't be honest with others.

When a friend is honest and kind to me, I feel guilty. I always think about equal exchange: I give as much as others give to me. I think about treating her to dinner and outings to repay the favor, and then repaying her with a gift on her birthday.

I hate to be calculating. I hope I can be as honest and good to her as she is to me, but I don't think I can. I don't know how to develop the relationship.

First of all, you should be important to her. In student days, no one has a lot of money, and it's not easy to give expensive gifts.

treasure this friendship

Cherish those who are good to you. The world is big, and it is your pride to have someone good in it. You can't buy a true heart with money.

We're friends, so don't worry too much.

You give to others and they give back. But sometimes, we don't have to be so calculating.

This will often make us unhappy. Good friends help each other. When you're in trouble, I'll help you, and when I'm in trouble, I hope you'll help me.

Be nice to each other.

I hope you have a friendship that lasts forever.

In summary, I hope these views and suggestions help you.

Best wishes!

Hello!

I am a heart exploration coach, and learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can see that you are struggling with a number of conflicting emotions.

I'm not going to get into the specifics of your issues with friends giving you expensive gifts. However, I do have three pieces of advice for you.

First, I suggest you think back to when you stopped trusting people and being honest with them.

You said that a friend gave you an expensive gift on your birthday, and you envied her for being able to trust someone like that and then be nice to them. You can't trust anyone and you can't be honest. So, when did this state of mind begin?

You say you can't, but I'm sure there's a reason why.

You need to figure out how these thoughts came about. Is it because you trusted someone in the past and were hurt, so now you are afraid to trust anyone again?

You need to understand the reasons behind your thoughts and emotions in order to deal with them effectively.

Second, you need to think about the reasons you've identified.

Rationally looking at things allows you to recognize yourself and reality more clearly.

You need to do two things, and you need to do them rationally.

You need to understand that you are not the same person you were before, and the person you meet is different from your friend.

The reason you found may be related to your previous experience. At this time, you need to understand that the current self is different from the past self because you have grown up, gained knowledge, and gained experience. Even if you are deceived again, you will be able to deal with it. Moreover, this friend you have now is different from the people you met in the past. She trusts you and is very honest with you, so you need to believe in your own abilities.

Second, understand this: friendship is not about exchanging money. It's about emotional reciprocity.

She gave you this valuable gift because you are worth it in her eyes. You may not be aware of it, but you have undoubtedly given her encouragement and support, which cannot be calculated equally in monetary terms. Accept this gift with a clear conscience and know that you are worthy and deserving.

Think about the help and support you have given her in your relationship with her. You have given her some, and you need to think about it.

When you think this way, you will stop calculating like that, and you will get along with her honestly.

I advise you to focus on yourself and consider how you can make your heart feel lighter.

When you look at the reasons you have found rationally, you will know what to do. Focus on yourself and do your best.

For example, when you start to calculate how to return the favor, tell yourself, "I'm worth it, I deserve this gift." After repeatedly giving yourself positive suggestions like this, you will undoubtedly come to agree with and accept yourself, and feel better as a result.

Tell her your true feelings. Be honest with her. She may even tell you why she gave you such a valuable gift. You are worthy of being trusted and loved. You will dare to trust others. Your relationship will become relaxed and comfortable.

Invite her out to dinner and have fun with her. It's about getting along well with her and supporting each other emotionally, not repaying a favor financially. This will improve your relationship. You can do things to improve the situation.

Take action and all kinds of negative emotions in your heart will naturally be resolved slowly. Action is the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, simply click "Find a Coach" at the bottom of the page and I will communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm Hua Er.

From the questioner's words, I can see the questioner's dilemma and feel the psychological burden from expensive gifts. I also see the questioner's understanding and dislike of calculating.

Let's talk about the main issue.

The questioner wants to trust others.

The questioner may feel burdened when others are kind to them.

The questioner follows the "ritual of reciprocity" but hates calculating.

The questioner wants to spend time with friends who are good to them.

Maybe we can change our thinking.

Don't envy what you can't have.

We can admire someone for being nice to others, but every approach to life has its pros and cons. Maybe we admire someone, but maybe that approach isn't right for us.

We can either envy it or learn from it.

Why do others treat us well?

When someone treats us well, it's because they like us.

Why is it hard to trust others?

We may be afraid of trusting others because we're afraid of getting hurt.

The questioner can try to understand why they have difficulty trusting others. This might help.

Sincere treatment is not quid pro quo.

When making friends, just be sincere.

It's good to have this intention. The other person can feel it when we treat each other sincerely. Friendship needs to be nurtured.

It's okay to reciprocate, but we need to be careful about equal exchange.

Hope this helps. Best wishes.

Hello!

You're happy to have a friend who's good to you, but when you receive a gift, you feel guilty. You envy her honesty and generosity and feel like you're calculating. You're grateful but also overwhelmed.

Why is this the case?

The Greek philosopher Socrates said, "Know thyself." It's a powerful and meaningful saying. Let's ask ourselves: don't we deserve the sincere and passionate love of others?

Have we treated others this way? If not, she must have influenced you. I think your friend is willing to do this for you because she considers you a good friend.

You make her feel happy and secure, which shows you can bring happiness to others.

We all have those calculating thoughts that cross our minds from time to time. It's not a bad thing, though. It just helps us to look at things rationally. I can see how you're trying to repay your friend by treating her to dinner and so on.

Let's ask ourselves if we're feeling emotionally lonely due to a long-term lack of social contact. If you want to be as honest and good to her as a friend, you can absolutely do it.

You'll get there when you treat others with kindness and sincerity and they treat you the same way. You'll be happy, and I think your friend will feel the same way.

As we go through life, it's important to make room for growth.

Keep meeting new people and you'll find you're a better version of yourself.

I hope your future is bright and your journey is warm.

Your friend values you very much and is happy to share some material things with you. This is a wonderful thing! It's a great opportunity to return the favor and show the other person that you appreciate their message and intentions. It's a very natural thing to give gifts, and it's something that many people enjoy doing.

But receiving expensive gifts from them may put you under some pressure, because expensive items seem to symbolize something more profound, which means they will give you too many expectations. Parents' expectations for their children can be like a cage, while friends' expectations for you can make you not know how to handle them or how to repay them—but that's okay!

The other person spent a relatively large amount of money, which was really unnecessary, because a small gift shows how much you care. If it's a big gift, it's really easy for both people to feel overwhelmed. The other person probably trusts you very much, which is why they are so nice to you, but you don't trust anyone—yet!

You've had some past experiences that have made it difficult for you to be honest with others. But there's no need to worry! Building trust between people takes time, and you can do it gradually. You might feel a little guilty because you're worried you can't live up to the other person's high expectations, but you can!

If someone gives you so many gifts, you might expect something in return. This is the give-and-take that is part of our traditional culture, and it's a wonderful thing! You may feel some pressure, but that's okay.

Absolutely! You can still try to be nice to her within the limits you can accept, so that she can feel your friendship.

You will want to make some kind of return, but also want some honesty. This may also require you to slowly figure out in the future who is worthy of your trust and who needs to have boundaries. I highly recommend that you take a psychological test for potential internal trauma to understand what you have experienced in the past so that you will not easily trust others. This is a place where you can flexibly improve in the future. Good luck!

ZQ?

The questioner was flattered and awed by a friend's big gift!

"My friend gave me a very expensive gift for my birthday. She probably thought I would like it, but it wasn't cheap for her. The subject understands that it wasn't easy for the friend to give you this gift – and it wasn't cheap for her either. There seems to be some guilt and self-blame.

"I'm selfish, I don't trust anyone, and I can't be honest. If you're as 'unbearable' as you say, why can't this friend see you?

Is this friend good to everyone? Is this friend silly and unable to tell who is good and who is bad?

"When a friend is kind to me, I feel guilty. Maybe it's not that you're bad, but that you're not used to it. Do you feel like you're not worthy of other people being so good to you?"

"I give as much as others give to me. I think about treating her to dinner and outings to return the favor, and then repaying her with a gift on her birthday." The questioner knows how to repay a favor. They will not let people who are kind to them "suffer a loss." This is the traditional Chinese concept of "reciprocity."

"And they hate it when I do the same. What do you mean by "calculate"? Maybe everyone calculates in their hearts. If we didn't calculate, we would treat everyone the same.

This is normal.

Maybe the questioner is too sensitive about "calculating." Some people do "calculate" a bit. They "calculate" for the sake of "calculating," and they do it because they are afraid of "suffering losses" and want to always "gain benefits" in their interactions with others.

The OP is afraid of letting others down and of not being able to repay kindness.

The questioner might be unsure of themselves.

I hope my reply helps. Best wishes!

The expensive gift from your friend has become a challenge for the further development of your relationship, which perhaps your friend did not expect when she gave it.

This also reflects the inconsistency in the pace of your relationship from a side perspective, which is an opportunity to re-examine your interactions and relationship with each other. Although it is a source of distress, it is also an opportunity to re-examine your interactions and relationship with each other, which is an exciting chance to grow and learn!

I'm so excited to share some insights that I hope will help you think in new ways about this tricky situation!

First, be sure to express your gratitude to the other person. It's also a great idea to understand the original intention of your friend's gift-giving and see other possibilities of understanding yourself through the conversation.

From the message, it's clear you've figured out why your friend gave you the gift!

She probably thought I would love this thing, but the money is not a small amount for her either.

And would it be possible for you to confirm this guess through a conversation with her?

It's crucial to remember that this involves the idea that "if she's happy, I'm not."

I admire her for trusting someone she likes to do good things for her. I am working on being more self-serving, more trusting of others, and more honest with others.

There's so much to be gained from this assumption! Even if we can't know the real thoughts behind other people's actions, there's always a chance to update our own ideas about ourselves.

For example, if you can't feel guilty about spending a lot of money on a friend, and doing so is called self-interest, then what would you call someone who can't feel guilty about spending a lot of money on a friend? And what would you call someone who can't spend a lot of money on a friend, but also feels no qualms about receiving expensive gifts from friends?

I'm so excited to tell you that thinking this way will help you understand that your thoughts are not as despicable as you first thought!

2. Relationships are all about boundaries! And the great thing is, you and the other person in the relationship can work together to create a boundary that works for both of you.

2. Relationships are all about boundaries! And the great thing is, you and the other person in the relationship can work together to create a boundary that is comfortable for both of you.

From your message, I can tell you're feeling a bit distressed. And I totally get it! It's so hard to trust anyone and be honest with others.

Behind such concerns, you may have imagined some past experiences that make you worry about being hurt after you have placed your trust in someone. This is precisely where your personal sensitivity and concern for boundaries are hidden – but don't worry!

Generally speaking, even friends have different degrees of intimacy. This just means there's room for growth and exploration in your relationship! The phenomenon of feeling guilty about spending a lot of money on expensive gifts also shows that you and your current friend have not yet reached an agreement on the intimacy of the relationship.

If the opportunity arises, you can have an honest exchange of views with the other person if you are willing to do so. If you are worried that this will cause you greater unease, you can explore not the gift itself, but the friend's perspective on the relationship. This is a great way to get to know each other better!

This will also help you understand each other better, which is great! You'll also have a more consistent attitude towards receiving gifts and how to get along in the future.

I'm not probing human nature, I'm probing the best in human nature! I'm a therapist who cares about the human heart, and I wish you well!

Hello, questioner!

Because a friend gave you a valuable gift, you feel that the friend trusts you and is good to you; otherwise, she would not have given you such an expensive gift. Compared to this friend, you don't trust anyone and don't dare be honest with anyone.

So, you feel ashamed. Others are so sincere and good to me, so why can't I do the same?

It's not your fault. Your distrust of others and your fear of being honest with people may be related to your early upbringing. Our upbringing shapes our character.

For instance, some folks were taught by their parents to be constantly on their guard against the world, using their own experiences as lessons when they were growing up. Over time, children growing up in such families will develop a timid, suspicious personality, choosing to be suspicious of others as the safest option to minimize the risk of being hurt.

Some people didn't get unconditional love from their parents when they were young. Their parents always ignored their needs, like promising to play with them or buy them a toy, but then not following through. Over time, the children stopped believing their parents.

As they say in psychology, how you get along with your parents, especially your mother, when you're young sets the stage for how you'll get along with others in the future.

Someone who has been hurt will be much more on their guard than others. It's like putting on a thick layer of armor. After all, self-protection is instinctive.

So, your character today is really not your fault. If you want to work on your weaknesses, you need to understand why they developed in the first place.

This is the first step to making a change.

So, what should you do in response to your best friend's honesty, apart from feeling guilty?

We can also learn from her about having good qualities. We can also try to be more honest and sincere with her.

Take it slow and don't rush.

Also, don't feel like being dishonest is wrong. It's actually a way to protect yourself, and there's no right or wrong. You should know that nobody's perfect, and everyone has their own shortcomings. This isn't your fault. You still have a long life ahead of you, and you can improve little by little and overcome your character weaknesses.

I think mutual respect is really important when it comes to friends. It doesn't matter if there are differences in status, as long as you're friends, you should treat each other as equals. That's the only way a friendship can last.

Second, insincerity is the worst thing you can do to a friend. Honesty is the only way to make a friendship last. If you don't tell your friends the truth, but keep it to yourself and let it fester, it will lead to a breakdown in the friendship.

It's normal for friends to have disagreements, but if they're handled promptly and honestly, they won't cause problems. When friends are open and honest with each other, they can find a comfortable way to get along.

Finally, friends should keep some distance between them, leaving each other enough space. They need to know the difference between money and material things and friendship.

Appropriate reciprocity can help foster friendships, but it's important to distinguish between money and friendship and not to measure friendship in terms of money. When a friend is in trouble, you can provide them with appropriate assistance within your means.

Friendship isn't about money. As long as you treat her with sincerity, she'll be able to feel it even if she doesn't reciprocate with an equivalent gift.

I think she gives you gifts because she's your friend, not because she expects something in return.

It's fine to be friendly with her and ask her to eat and play, as long as you're genuine and make her feel comfortable. It's also fine to do so within reason.

I think the most important thing is friendship and sincerity. Everything else is secondary.

Wishing you the best!

Dear questioner,

From your description, it seems that the expensive gifts your friend gave you made you feel a lot of pressure. The questioner himself is someone who doesn't like to trouble others, so now he can't tell the difference between himself and his friend, right? The following is my analysis, and I hope it will be helpful to the questioner!

[1] A valuable gift from a friend is a wonderful way to show they care about you!

Money can't buy friendship, but it can certainly make it sweeter! When someone gives you a gift, it's a sign that they care. It shows that they value your friendship and want to show their appreciation. It's a wonderful feeling when someone you care about gives you a gift because they like you and want to treat you like their best friend.

If you refuse, you might hurt the other person's enthusiasm and make them think that you don't consider them a friend. But don't worry! We have a solution: accept the gift and thank the other person, while also telling them that you really appreciate the thought, but that you didn't want to spend too much.

[2] What is the definition of a friend?

Many people think that friends are there for each other and need to do things for each other. But here's the thing: these things don't have to be done! They can be done willingly for each other, or they can be the kind of person who stands up and helps out when there is trouble. I think this is what a friend is! Perhaps subconsciously we don't believe that the other person is not looking for anything in return, so we don't want to owe someone a favor. In fact, friends are there for each other, without expecting anything in return. No matter where you are or what you are doing, there will always be someone like this to comfort and accompany you, and to help you. This is the definition of a friend as I see it!

[3] You can communicate with the other person really well!

You can express your appreciation for the gift, and of course you can communicate well. Don't use money to materialize your relationship. Friends should express their feelings to each other. As the saying goes, "A goose feather sent from afar. The gift is light, but the sentiment is heavy." No matter what gift you give, you will feel the sincerity of the other person. I hope the other person doesn't spend too much on gifts. You can also express your true thoughts and feelings to the other person. If the other person treats you as a friend, they will also feel the flow of your emotions and the sincerity of this friendship, which will also be conducive to the flow of your relationship.

I really hope this helps the questioner!

Good day. From your account, I can discern your predicament and self-doubt. You wish to relinquish your calculating mindset and engage with your colleagues, yet you are unable to do so. I believe you can begin by halting self-condemnation.

Our thought processes and actions are shaped by the upbringing we received from our parents or guardians during our formative years, as well as the experiences we gained from interacting with peers. It is beneficial to reflect on the manner in which our parents treated others and whether they engaged in a similar quid pro quo dynamic.

The influence of our family of origin on us may not be eliminated in the short term, but we can choose to reconstruct our lives. You invited a friend to dinner and purchased a gift. I believe you did so out of sincerity, treating her as a friend, and not just to repay her for what she has done.

Therefore, it can be reasonably concluded that exchanging gifts and treating each other to meals has been beneficial to the relationship. The key factor is how these actions are perceived, as this influences emotional state.

If you consider this an opportunity for friends to demonstrate their care and affection, it may help to ease the situation. With regard to equal exchange, it is worth noting that many individuals will have this calculation in mind.

If there is no equal exchange, it may create undue burden on friends. It is therefore important to adhere to the principle of equality when engaging with friends, and to ensure that each party is given a comfortable space.

There is no inherent problem with your calculation, unless you believe it is problematic. What is your assessment?

Hello!

I can totally relate to how you're feeling! It's totally normal to feel uneasy when someone you care about does something that makes you feel uncomfortable. It seems like this friend's actions have crossed a line for the questioner because we feel like we haven't reached that level of intimacy yet.

I can also see that the questioner is actually very kind. It's totally understandable to think about what it would be like to receive a valuable gift.

It's only natural to feel a little guilty when we're treated well by others. We all want to treat others as equals, don't we? Do you think that makes us selfish?

Egoists can be a little self-centered and sometimes don't realize how much others have given. The questioner is just being a little overprotective.

I think it's totally normal to wonder about the other person's intentions when you receive a valuable gift from someone you're not super close with. And I also think it's likely that this friend has an ulterior motive.

If we were in a position to ask for a favor, we wouldn't have to guess. But we're not, so let's not!

I think either this friend already sees you as a close friend, or maybe this friend's financial situation is not what the questioner thinks, and it may be a small amount of money to her.

Of course, we assume that this is enough, and there is no need to delve deeper, no matter what the other person's intentions are. We can just treat them according to our own principles, and that's okay!

The questioner said, "I thought about treating her to dinner and outings more often to return the favor, and then giving her a gift of comparable value on her birthday."

That's wonderful! That's how we get along, and it's perfectly fine.

Later on, the questioner said, "Oh my, this is a scheme! How on earth did I not see it coming?" What are we up against here, exactly?

It's so lovely to see how we interact with her as an equal.

At last, the questioner said, "I really hope I can be as honest and kind to her as she is, but I'm not sure I can. I'm just not sure how to develop a relationship without a psychological burden."

It's clear that the questioner wants to be able to do this, but they're not quite there yet. This is a chance for them to start! We all get along with others according to our own ideas, and slowly change. Could this be the moment when we finally start being honest with others?

It's so important to remember that change is the only constant in this world. It's clear that the questioner thinks a lot about the future and is often worried about lots of different things. But we often judge ourselves first, saying things like, "I'm selfish," "I can't be honest with others," and so on. But where do these thoughts come from? And are they true?

If it's true, there's no reason it can't be changed!

I really hope the questioner will have a great best friend from now on and can be honest with others.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner, and I'm so grateful to you all for your time. I'm Jiusi, on Yixinli, and I love you all so much!

Hello, question asker!

I can see where you're coming from, and I also admire your approach to relationships, where you believe in equality and reciprocity. I also envy you for having met a friend who is honest with you.

You feel like if a friend gives you such an expensive gift, you should return the favor with an equally expensive gift. She's very honest with you, so you may feel like you should also be honest with her in the same way. However, this level of honesty is more than you're willing to show in your personal relationships. The principle of equality says what should be done and what can be done, and there's a conflict.

I think this issue can be looked at from three angles: gifts, honesty, and the friend's personality.

A friend giving you a gift should be a blessing in itself. However, if the gift is not a small amount of money and it causes you some trouble in terms of the extent of gifts you give in the future, you can communicate this to her without hurting her feelings. For example, you can say something like, "The thought is what counts. I didn't buy anything too expensive..." and so on, to let your friend know that you accept her and also let your friend know how you feel about receiving the gift. I think a true good friend will not blindly disregard your feelings.

When it comes to returning the favor, just choose the right time and the right thing to do. Paying it forward at a meal, a play date, or on her birthday is one way to go.

When it comes to honesty, it's not about having no boundaries and talking about everything.

The foundation of honesty is trust. Your friend is very honest with you because you make her feel safe and trustworthy, and she trusts you enough to be honest with you. If you're not willing to be as honest as she is, it may be that she doesn't feel secure enough to be completely honest with you.

On the other hand, honesty and sincerity are two different things. Friends don't have to be completely honest with each other, but they should be sincere and treat each other with respect. If you're sincere with her in your relationship and you're just more aware of your own boundaries than she is, I think you can let go of the psychological burden of not being completely honest with her and focus on treating her sincerely.

Also, we all have different personalities. When we know our boundaries, we can protect ourselves from being taken advantage of or pressured in any way. At the same time, we won't put unnecessary limits on others in our relationships.

From what you've said about your friend, she seems to be a straightforward and reliable person. It's admirable to have such strong feelings for someone and to treat them well. Perhaps the environment she grew up in gave her the security and love she needed to be able to love and hate.

I think such a friend deserves sincere treatment. I believe that in the long run, you'll eventually trust her more and be willing to share more.

But if, down the road, her courage to love and hate also involves emotional reciprocity or demands on those around her, it might get a bit tiring. Maintaining an appropriate distance from a tiring friendship is not necessarily a bad thing.

I hope my reply helps you out in some way. Best wishes!

Good morning, colleague. I see the confusion you are facing now, and I extend my support in the form of a gesture of comfort.

You are currently experiencing interpersonal issues. I offer you my support and encouragement.

It is possible that your friend believed she was close to you, which may have influenced her decision to give you such an expensive gift for your birthday.

If you have concerns about the gift, I suggest you speak with your friend directly. Be frank about your feelings and explain that the amount is significant, so you would prefer not to receive such expensive gifts in the future.

It is my assessment that your friend is not as thoughtful as you are.

I have observed that you have expressed reservations about your ability to trust others and to be candid with them.

I believe you have had unfavorable experiences in previous interpersonal relationships.

Subsequently, you may begin to perceive that, initially, others were cordial towards you, yet ultimately had ulterior motives.

If this is the case, it is recommended that you seek the assistance of a professional counselor to address the harm caused by past interpersonal relationships.

Once these issues have been resolved, you will be able to rebuild your trust in humanity and establish a positive relationship.

If you have reservations about accepting the gift, you can also be honest with your friend and say, "I'm really sorry, but you really can't accept such an expensive gift; she can take it back and use it herself."

At Christmas 2015, my mother received a gift from her Singaporean friend that was of significant value. However, it was not useful to her. Therefore, she returned the gift and refunded the cost. She also ensured that her friend accepted the return. Otherwise, she would not have been acting in a manner consistent with the standards of a good friend.

I hope you will be able to find an effective solution to the problem you are facing soon.

I have no further suggestions at this time.

I hope my above responses are helpful and inspiring to you. I am available to answer any further questions you may have.

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my warmest regards to you and best wishes for a happy and prosperous new year.

Hello!

Happy belated birthday!

Your friend gave you a birthday present, but you don't know how to get along with her.

You envy her for trusting someone and treating her well. You are self-interested, distrustful, and unable to be honest. Why don't you trust people?

Has she been hurt by a friend? You can find out why, which will help you get along with your friends.

What do you think? You're very self-aware.

You feel guilty when a friend is honest with you and treats you well. Where does this guilt come from?

After reading this, I want to give you a hug!

Everyone deserves to be treated gently! A friend will recognize you if they like some of your qualities.

The other person is willing to be sincere with you! Do you agree?

You think about an equal exchange when you interact with others. You give as much as you get. You think about treating her to dinner and outings to repay the favor. You will repay the favor with a gift of comparable value on her birthday.

People change, and friends come and go. You don't need a lot of friends. A few true friends are enough. Friendship is about understanding.

If someone is willing to get close to you, it means you have what they need! What do you think?

The princess waits for the prince to rescue her, but the queen saves herself.

There's a kind of tiredness that comes from thinking too much. Cherish unexpected encounters and take departures lightly.

Be yourself and do what you want!

Good day.

I am pleased to see your question and I note that you have provided a candid response. As someone who has been presented with an expensive birthday gift from a friend, you have demonstrated admirable honesty.

On the one hand, I am gratified by this friendship and the high level of consideration shown to me by my colleague. On the other hand, I begin to question my own capacity for selflessness and generosity. Why am I the kind of person who is inclined to calculate and reluctant to engage in reciprocal relationships?

I appreciate your honesty and your reluctance to feel indebted to your colleagues. It's clear that you're a reliable and loyal individual.

Perhaps you have always maintained a clear account in your heart, where you will reciprocate any kindness shown to you.

Otherwise, you may feel a sense of obligation to repay the favor, which could result in feelings of guilt and obligation.

I empathize with your predicament. However, as you have stated, there are limits to what one can accept.

Once you recognize that the value of the care or gift a friend has provided is beyond your capacity to reciprocate, you will experience feelings of guilt. What can I do? I have already accepted the maximum amount I can accept. If I repay with an equivalent amount, I will not be able to expand beyond what I can afford.

Indeed, when the balance of equality in one's heart is disrupted, it can result in feelings of guilt. In such instances, it may not be feasible to offer further assistance due to existing limitations.

It is evident that your primary concern is not the potential mistreatment from your colleagues, but rather the inability to reciprocate their kindness to the same extent. Your own generosity is causing you undue stress. How can I be so calculating? How can I not be as generous as my colleagues?

I would like to clarify that your reluctance to accept the gift is not a reflection of your willingness to reciprocate. It is simply a matter of maintaining a balance in your emotional state. The intensity of the gesture is overwhelming for you.

I am curious as to why your friend is willing to give you such an expensive gift. Is there a reason why she treats you so openly? I would also like to understand why you feel uneasy and find it difficult to accept this gift of love.

This is a matter that requires our attention.

I find the concept of relationships as mirrors to be insightful. In a relationship, how we interact with others can reveal truths about ourselves.

In relationships, our interactions often reflect our early relationships with important others. Past interaction patterns may influence our ability to accept offers that extend beyond our comfort zone. Once we venture beyond this familiar territory, it can often carry a sense of guilt and unease.

The underlying issue is a sense of unworthiness, stemming from the question, "Am I not deserving of such lavish treatment or such high regard?" In such cases, there is often an underlying expectation that the recipient must somehow reciprocate the other person's generosity. When there is an imbalance in the exchange of gifts, it can lead to feelings of shock and guilt.

I do not believe this was your friend's original intention in giving you the gift.

In a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship, both parties express and accept love with a clear conscience. This demonstrates that each individual deserves to be treated well and has the right to be treated with dignity.

It is evident that your colleague demonstrates her affection for you through gifts. This is something she is willing to do and it is also her way of expressing love. If you can also accept her love for you with an open heart, it is also a response to your love for her. This is a relationship of mutual giving.

It is also important to be able to accept the positive qualities of the other person openly, to be able to withstand their positive qualities, and to express sincere gratitude. These are all aspects of equality in a relationship.

Expressing and receiving love are both fundamental aspects of the love relationship. They represent a vote of confidence and love for each other.

When our inner strength is sufficient and our hearts are more determined, we will not seek an equal exchange from the interests of reality.

It is important to enjoy this love, as it is a right you deserve. The comfort, security and certainty that come from giving and receiving in this kind of relationship are the best gifts you can give each other.

I wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

From what I can see, your confessions and troubles are perfectly normal. I don't think there's anything wrong with you or your way of thinking. Everyone has their own standards when making friends, so there's no need for you to force yourself to be the same as everyone else.

On your birthday, the questioner's friend gave him a very valuable gift. The value of this gift was also quite a lot of money for the friend. This gift from a friend shows two things: one is that she treasures you as a friend and is willing to give you something nice because she thinks that's what you like. It would be interesting to know whether the questioner likes this gift. Has she inadvertently expressed her level of fondness for this gift before?

If there is, it may also indicate that this friend is very attentive and usually has a strong observational ability.

Secondly, if she feels that her commitment to her friend is more important than her own needs, and if the gift is a financial burden, will she feel constrained in her own life just to give it? If so, it may be worth considering that the other person is not being nice to her out of trust, but because she feels that she can gain a friendship by pleasing her.

I'm unsure how to develop a relationship without a psychological burden.

1. It indicates

The questioner is interested in developing a friendship with the other person and simply wishes to feel relaxed and at ease when they meet. The other person gave you a valuable gift, which is said to be for your birthday once a year. This kind of behaviour has caused the questioner some trouble and they also feel that they owe the other person a favour.

It can be challenging for two people to become friends. If the questioner wants to continue being friends with the other person but is feeling pressure, it might help to directly express this to the friend. This can help the friend understand that as long as they treat each other sincerely, the gift is a token of their feelings, and they should not let each other feel pressured. When friends know the questioner's innermost thoughts, and if you are people with the same world view, it can show that it will only deepen your friendship and will not be affected.

2. Accept yourself

It's worth noting that many people share similar thoughts and feelings, so there's no need to view this as an unusual or abnormal perspective. Being hesitant to be honest and accept the kindness of others can be seen as a fear of not being able to reciprocate in the same way as others do. This can lead to feelings of unease and doubt.

Perhaps it would be helpful to treat each friend according to your ability, rather than trying to be the same as others. As long as you treat people sincerely, they will be able to feel your sincerity. Everyone expresses themselves differently. If the other person really treasures you as a friend and knows you well, they will naturally understand you.

3. Identifying the root of the stress is crucial.

The questioner expressed that they find it challenging to trust others as much as they would like to. Could you kindly elaborate on the circumstances that contribute to this feeling of pressure? Friendships are often seen as a relaxed and carefree interaction. However, the questioner finds themselves overwhelmed by the kindness of others.

Perhaps the questioner was taught not to be hurt by others and is therefore reluctant to trust? In any case, it seems that your confidence has been affected, and the previous experience has made you hesitant to take the step of trusting. This may be your way of protecting yourself, but it could also be an act of self-isolation.

It might be helpful to try to trust others more, as not everyone is the same. It's also important to treasure the present and live your life to the fullest. You might find it beneficial to read books on the topics of "communication psychology" and "learning to choose and know how to give up." It's possible to find time to read them and try to become a better version of yourself. Best wishes!

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you the best.

Good day, question asker!

I came across your question on the platform and empathized with your predicament. You mentioned that your friend gifted you something expensive on your birthday, and she assumed you would appreciate it. However, the gift was not a small expense for her. Nevertheless, she is the type of person who values trust and kindness in her relationships. You admire her sincerity, but at the same time, you feel conflicted and uncertain about how to navigate your emotions.

1. You also mentioned that you are somewhat selfish, don't trust anyone, and can't be honest with others. When a friend is honest with you and is kind to you, you always feel guilty and find it difficult to accept this kind of care and attention. When interacting with others, you always think about an equal exchange, giving as much as others give, including thinking about treating her to dinner and outings more often to return the favor, and then repaying the favor with a gift of comparable value on her birthday.

2. It is understandable that you are carrying a heavy psychological burden and thinking in a more complex way. Perhaps the other person simply wants to be kind to you. Friends are willing to trust you because they care about you, which is a wonderful quality. She noticed that you liked something and gave it to you on your birthday, which was a thoughtful gesture.

3. It would be beneficial to try to let down your guard, open your heart, and have more trust and sincerity towards others. It's also important to avoid easily labeling yourself. It's unlikely that anyone is absolutely egoistic.

I hope my answer is helpful. I send my love to the world and to you.