After being together for 1.5 years, I want to break up, but I can't bear to let go. What should I do?

Hello! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

From what you've told me, it's clear you care about him and that you're not very confident in the relationship. This lack of confidence mainly stems from your own insecurity in the relationship, which is totally understandable! You also said that you're an anxious attachment type and that you need him to be with you, and that he feels suffocated. But he tries to be with you as much as possible, which shows that he actually loves you too! He's a human being, though, and will have his own needs. He also needs to be seen by you. If he can take care of your needs in the relationship and you can also meet his needs, then instead of only one party giving, your relationship will enter a virtuous cycle.

I'd love to offer you some advice!

Take the time to understand yourself, know yourself, and see your own internal patterns.

You've already seen that you have an anxious attachment, which means you tend to be more dependent and clingier in relationships. This is because you feel insecure inside, which is why you want to "hold on" to the other person so tightly.

It's so important to recognize how your childhood attachment patterns affect you today. It's also helpful to remind yourself that your current pattern is shaped by past experiences, but it doesn't have to define you forever. You can take steps to feel more secure in your relationships.

2. It's so important to establish your own sense of inner security, because it's the foundation of feeling secure in your intimate relationships.

Psychology has always encouraged us to look within. This is because the outside world is a reflection of our inner world. When your inner self has no confidence in relationships, it can be hard to feel secure, even when you're with someone else. But if you have an inner sense of security, you'll feel confident in any relationship.

How can you build up an inner sense of security? If you can, counseling is a great choice. Through counseling, you can be re-parented and gradually become someone with a secure attachment. Self-care is also really important. You can refer to and read the book "The Power of Self-Care," which cares for yourself from the three levels of treating yourself kindly, common humanity, and mindfulness in the present. This will also gradually build up your inner sense of security.

3. Learning to communicate deeply, rather than arguing on the surface, is a great way to help your relationship grow and flourish.

You say that you argue fiercely over trivial matters, but I sense there's more going on. I believe these trivial matters are only the surface. I think there are your respective deep-seated needs, which need to be seen by the other person and by each other.

When you get angry, what is it about your needs that aren't being met? Is it the need to be seen?

I'm sure you'd love to be understood and recognized, wouldn't you?

This is your deep need, and it's totally normal to feel angry when your deep need isn't being met. It's the same for him! He'll feel angry and uncomfortable when his deep need isn't being met, too.

So, exploring and seeing your respective deep needs and meeting each other's needs in the way each of you expects will make your relationship more and more harmonious and happy? Absolutely!

I really think you should read "Managing Intimacy." I'm just putting this above here as a reference for you. All the best!

Hello, dear reader. Reading carefully makes you feel like meeting someone in person.

After reading this, you see how hard your relationship is. You don't want to break up, but being together is hard. By asking for help, you're already making things better.

Let's talk about this.

You've been with him for 1.5 years, met each other's parents, and have a 5-year age difference. You said you fought a lot at first but were fine. Since October, you've been fighting over "trivial matters." He broke up with you, but you begged him to take you back.

1. What are the "trivial matters"?

2. What kept you going since the arguments started in October?

3. What do you expect from him if you don't let him go?

Why does he feel suffocated in the relationship?

The above four points are meant to help you see the childlike part of yourself that lacks security in relationships. When both people lack security, it's hard to keep a relationship stable.

You said he gets angry and asks you to stop when he doesn't like something someone says. This shows he lacks control in relationships. He tries to gain control by controlling you. Having control gives him a sense of security.

You feel drained in a relationship because you trust it and become dependent on it.

Security is more reliable than self-sufficiency.

Now, let's talk about how to make changes.

❤. What does a safe relationship look like to you?

Who can give you a sense of security? Limit the scope to friends who get along well with you.

❤. Which of the guys you like do you find most attractive?

❤. Do you have any guys in your dating criteria who like you back?

List your strengths. Be specific.

I hope these points help you build and maintain relationships.

You are beautiful and deserve to be cared for.

Take care of yourself.

A relationship either develops in a positive direction, with the two people growing closer despite some conflicts, or it goes in a negative direction, with the two people becoming increasingly conflicted and the relationship ending in a breakup.

The questioner is unable to accept that after the breakup, she has no relationship with her boyfriend. She is not accepting of the breakup itself, but rather the loss of contact and the loneliness that comes with being alone.

A relationship must be jointly maintained by both parties, especially an intimate relationship. The more intimate the relationship, the more the two people need to work together, think in the same way, and work together to make the relationship last.

At the same time, developing an intimate relationship also requires other conditions as a foundation, such as equality, respect, trust, understanding, recognition, acceptance, etc. In the information described by the questioner, the questioner lowered herself and begged her boyfriend to come back. At this time, the status between the two was no longer equal, and they could no longer communicate on an equal footing. Let's be clear: no guy would care about or cherish a woman who is inferior to him in status, and the same goes for the other way around.

The questioner must raise her status to an equal position with her boyfriend, accept and accept herself from the heart, change the way she expresses herself, and then get along and communicate with her boyfriend. This will allow them to continue to get along and develop in a positive direction. If these problems are not solved, not only will it be impossible to continue with her boyfriend, but the same will be true even if she replaces him with someone else.

Dear questioner, I'm so excited to answer your question!

I'm a listening therapist, Xiaoliu!

I really hope my answer helps!

1. The "anxiety that he may leave at any time" is a thrilling, unexpected adventure!

A very important part of a comfortable and trusting relationship is that both partners feel safe with each other. This way, we don't have to worry about losing the relationship, and we can relax and be ourselves, let go of some of our stress and defenses, share our joy with each other, and grow together—it's a wonderful feeling!

And it doesn't even have to be about the intimate relationship!

People have a very strong psychological fear of many unresolved "losses."

There is a very intense psychological fear, and it's totally normal!

The good news is that you can overcome this challenge! The incident of him proposing to break up, as well as your experience after you begged him to come back, made you feel like this person was an existence that could leave at any time. But you can choose to feel differently! The pain from the breakup will make you extremely anxious once you think about this possibility in the later stages. At this time, the sense of security from the intimate relationship gradually disintegrates. But you can choose to feel differently!

The thrilling possibility of losing someone at any time!

It's like a sharp blade hanging over our heads, ready to be used at a moment's notice!

We always feel that we might be left behind, but we also feel excited about the possibilities that lie ahead!

This can lead to a huge amount of internal conflict, which is an opportunity for growth and understanding!

2. When the issue of security arises, it's an excellent opportunity to re-examine the feasibility of "promises." There are so many factors that can influence this, and we can dive deep into this part to gain new insights:

(1) The influence of the ambivalent attachment paradigm in intimate relationships may be a long-term issue, and it's an exciting one!

In the past, psychologists have made some fascinating discoveries about how our interactions with our mothers and caregivers reflect certain personality traits. For example, infants who are unable to accept their mothers' departure are unable to explore, play, or even enjoy interacting with their mothers when their mothers are around. Instead, they are constantly paying attention to their mothers, and once their mothers show signs of leaving, they will be extremely distressed. Once their mothers actually leave, the infants will show very strong reactions. This state is called ambivalent attachment.

Dear friend,

The good news is that we can overcome this fear! It may be related to your past experiences, which may continue to haunt you and manifest as anxiety in intimate relationships.

If we may have ambivalent attachment, after experiencing the blow of the other person wanting to leave, we often want to soothe our restless hearts through the other person's increased companionship, increased care, and increased expressions of love. We may need to argue again and again, but it's worth it!

He loves me! He won't leave!

And that's exactly why!

It can be tough to enjoy the comfort and pleasure that the relationship brings us when we're constantly on guard against the possibility that he wants to break up. But we're determined to make it work! This anxious state of mind can also affect interactions in an intimate relationship.

There's a good chance we'll have some lively debates!

Our insecurities are really getting in the way!

(2) When trust is broken, it can make the "promise" lose its weight. This is an opportunity for us to believe in ourselves and our relationship again!

You mentioned in your statement that there is an age gap between you, and that this gap poses a certain threat to the relationship. Although we may have tried to ignore the psychological feelings it brings us in the past,

It's only natural to worry about being with someone much younger than ourselves. We're excited to see where this relationship goes! And because of the risks of an age gap, we're ready to face the challenge of making this work, even after the other person has proposed to break up.

We both long to be together!

And at some point

I think you see how difficult it is, but we can do it!

Even if you've already met the parents of both sides and it seems to be heading in the desired direction, and even if the other person makes a firm promise, we still can't convince ourselves.

(3) Love is like drinking fish soup: you know whether it's hot or cold. In a relationship, there are bound to be conflicts. But that's okay!

As you can see from the statement, you don't seem very happy. You sense the other person's unstable emotions, and words like "let go" actually evoke the traumatic experience of breaking up. But you know what? This is your chance to take the reins and make a change! There are indeed problems in the relationship, but you have the power to fix them.

And you have already become aware of this, which is great!

3. Based on your situation, I would love to offer the following suggestions, which are just my personal opinions for your reference.

(1) When faced with a psychological decision in an avoidant conflict, it's important to give yourself some time to see your own psychological demands and make decisions independently.

I totally get it!

Two fantastic options are probably coming to mind!

It's time to make a choice: break up or not?

If we break up, we get to experience the inevitable chain reaction and the emotions of loneliness, and we get to adapt to it. If we don't break up, we get to bear the pressure and conflicts caused by constant anxiety and the uncontrollability of the future.

You have the exciting opportunity to choose between two great options! This confusion inspired us to write this question, and we get to make the decision ourselves. No one can make the choice for us and bear the consequences. We ultimately get to face our inner selves and see what we want and don't want!

Then, you'll be able to look back with no regret!

My advice is that if time and other conditions permit, you can try to clarify your thoughts, perhaps by writing them down. This is a great way to visualize the subconscious part of us, and then we can make a decision carefully and without regret!

(2) We can do this! We can break down the barriers of information and understand the other person's thoughts. We can also continue communicating with the other person. At the same time, we can refocus on ourselves and allow ourselves to be happy.

The big question is: will we break up or not?

We all have the right to know the truth about what happened, and it's time we did!

The reason for the gap between the two of you is probably because we have not communicated effectively, unable to reflect each other's feelings. We are both tired in the presence of the other, and then love becomes a drain. But there's no need to worry! This is not a request for both parties to make concessions or compromises. Instead, it's an opportunity for you to understand what kind of plan he has for your future, whether he has more specific, more actionable ideas, and what you think about it.

Maybe, just maybe, through communication, there will be new developments!

Absolutely! We also need to pay attention to our own feelings again. When relationship issues cause huge internal friction, it is difficult for us to feel the warmth in our lives other than love. It is time to rediscover ourselves. No matter where this relationship goes, we also need to find our own rhythm of life and our own life goals to make ourselves happy.

(3) Pay attention to your own mental health! Don't carry it all alone. Seek psychological intervention and get the help you need!

As mentioned earlier, we may have some "mental issues," and we do perceive the impact of emotional trauma. We are torn between the fog of love and the future. But don't worry! If we continue to deplete ourselves internally, it may not be conducive to our mental health and growth.

I highly recommend that you try to talk to a professional mental health practitioner or seek regular psychological counseling. Expressing your feelings, whether anger, sadness, grievances, confusion, or anything else, in a safe environment can bring healing. We can also relieve our own emotional distress through talking or counseling, and slowly reflect on our inner selves through scientific methods.

And that's my entire response!

Thank you so much for reading!

I wish you all the very best!

I'm a listening therapist, Liu Quanyan, and I'm here to help!

I'm here for you! Please, feel free to talk to me.

Hello, questioner! It seems that your boyfriend is becoming less and less patient with you. As someone with anxious attachment and high attachment needs, it's understandable that this relationship holds a lot of value for you. However, you're facing a challenging situation: on the one hand, it's a difficult decision to let go of something you care about deeply, and on the other, it's not the outcome you truly desire. It's a complex and painful situation, regardless of how you approach it.

You have taken the time to analyze yourself and have come to understand that you have an anxious attachment personality. This shows that you have a good grasp of psychology and yourself. Perhaps you are of the ambivalent-clinging type within anxious attachment.

People with this type of attachment tend to have a strong desire for relationships and often seek a close, intimate connection where they can care deeply for another person and hope that they are cared for in return. Such individuals often possess a natural ability to form relationships and are often perceived as charming.

On the other hand, when the relationship is going well, it can be tempting to test whether the other person truly loves you or to constantly question whether they are good enough for you. This is a common manifestation of ambivalent attachment, where there is a longing for love and a pursuit of love, but perhaps not yet a complete belief in it.

People with this attachment style may have experienced a mix of caregiving behaviors from their early years. While some caregivers were considerate and empathetic, others were less responsive to their attachment needs. This can lead individuals with ambivalent attachment to seek attention and avoid feeling ignored. Over time, this can affect their ability to form secure attachments. When they fall in love, they may bring these attachment needs into their relationships. Initially, their partners may feel satisfied by the attention, but over time, they may become overwhelmed and irritable, struggling to provide the emotional support needed.

This is just one aspect of ambivalent attachment – a high need for attachment. The other side of the coin is that when the relationship reaches a certain depth, ambivalent individuals may have a difficult time believing that the other person truly loves them. Because the nurturer sometimes responds to love and sometimes doesn't, ambivalent individuals may form an internal belief about love from an early age – that if you treat me well, it's only temporary, and you might not love me anymore and leave me.

It is not uncommon for ambivalent dependents to question their partner after a relationship has entered a stable period. This is often because their partner's actions do not align with their internal expectations. In some cases, this questioning can become a deliberate testing of the other person's love and trust. This can lead to feelings of being picked on and a lack of trust. Over time, this can lead to a shift in the dynamic where the romantic partner is no longer seen as a source of support but rather as a challenging partner. This can result in frequent disagreements, anger, and even the proposal of breaking up. At this stage, the ambivalent dependent person, who initially sought reassurance and love, may feel hurt and realize that this relationship is not what they want.

It is also worth noting that breaking up is not without its challenges. Another symptom, difficulty separating, can trap ambivalent dependents in a painful relationship from which they may find it difficult to extricate themselves.

After analyzing the characteristics and causes of anxious ambivalent attachment, let's return to the original question: what if you don't want to break up? It may be helpful to consider that to solve the problem of breaking up, you might benefit from addressing the independent issue of separating and individualizing during your growth. This could involve facing the separation of a relationship, believing that you can live independently, practicing the ability to be alone, and being able to re-experience the sense of completeness of the self when the relationship ends. This approach may be more constructive than what is depicted in Zhu Deyong's comics, which might suggest that losing love makes a part of yourself disappear.

If the main issue is to resolve the pain of being in a relationship, then at the individual level, it might be helpful to consider ways to improve exaggerated attachment needs, learn to be alone, and at the same time believe in love and grow into a secure attachment person. At the relationship level, it could be beneficial to discuss expectations of getting along with your partner, negotiate a level and boundaries that are acceptable to each other, and then slowly work through it together.

Hello, dear question asker!

I totally get it. This is not a good feeling to have during the Chinese New Year.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're really struggling right now. I know that breaking up is a big decision, and it's totally normal to feel torn and uneasy when you're faced with the decision to break up.

It's so important to take a moment and think about how you're feeling, what you need, and where your relationship is at right now.

There are so many reasons why couples break up. Sometimes it's because they just don't see eye to eye on things. Or maybe they have different values. Or maybe they don't communicate well. Or they just don't enjoy spending time together. Of course, there are also external factors, like work pressure or family reasons.

Take a moment to think about what the problems are between you and whether they can be solved. If you've tried to communicate and solve the problems, but still can't change the situation, then breaking up might be the best choice for you right now.

It's totally normal to feel a bit conflicted when you're facing a breakup. It's called "anxiety of attachment," and it's a feeling of intense anxiety and unease when someone faces the prospect of breaking up or losing someone.

This anxiety can make it really tough to accept that a relationship is coming to an end. It's often because we're afraid of losing the love and attention of the other person.

It's also totally normal for a long-term partnership to become a habit. Even if it's not perfect, it can be tough to imagine life without the other person because you're used to their presence.

It's totally normal to feel uncertain about the future after a breakup. It can be scary to think about how you'll cope with being single.

It's also totally normal for your sense of self to be tied up in your relationship. But breaking up can make you feel like you're not good enough.

It's also possible that people feel more stress, shame, or guilt, or take on more responsibility when they're going through a breakup.

It's totally normal to feel the way you do. When you're facing these kinds of challenges, it's really helpful to recognize that these feelings are totally normal. By understanding and dealing with these complex emotions, you can make a more informed decision about whether to continue the relationship or how to end it in the healthiest way.

We can do this together!

It's so important to take the time to think about why you want to break up. Try to determine whether it's due to a temporary conflict or a deeper incompatibility.

It's also a good idea to think about whether your relationship is healthy and meets your long-term needs.

Take a moment to think about what the relationship has meant to you and how it has affected you, both good and bad. Then, think about whether you can work through this together through communication and change.

It's important to feel like you understand what he's thinking and that you can accept the distance.

Take a moment to imagine life after the breakup. What will it be like? Will you feel lonely? Or free? Or will you embrace a new beginning? Think about what you're willing to accept.

Take a moment to listen to your inner voice and think about what you truly want. Your intuition is there to guide you, and it can often tell us the right decision to make.

Take your time to figure out what you're thinking and feeling. Sometimes, when we give ourselves some space, we can see our relationships in a whole new light.

No matter what you choose, be ready to embrace the changes that come your way. Change can be scary, but it also opens the door to personal growth and exciting new opportunities!

And most importantly, be kind to yourself and to the other person.

The world and I love you! I am like a gentle June breeze, wishing you happiness!

Hello, questioner. I can see the confusion you are facing now, so I'm going to help you.

This is how you communicate with him every time you have a problem.

You need to ask yourself whether you have used the word "you" too many times.

When you start with the word "you," he will undoubtedly defend himself, and an even bigger argument will ensue.

Next time you have a problem with him, start your communication with him by using the "I" word.

You can also use the methods in the book (Nonviolent Communication).

You have already expressed his communication style to him, and he has admitted there is no way to correct it.

He is younger than you, so he is not as mature as you need in a partner.

You now know for a fact that he is not a good match for you.

You also mentioned that you have an anxious attachment pattern.

Let me be clear: when you enter a relationship, you will hold on to your partner as if he were your lifeline, even if you know he is not the right person for you.

You should seek help from a professional psychological counselor.

A counselor is a professional who can provide better advice.

I am confident that you will find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I am committed to providing the best possible guidance.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

I am confident that you will find the answer you are looking for.

Hello, question asker! I see your question and I understand your confusion. I'll answer your question from the following points.

First, there's a bit of a disconnect between what you're thinking and what you're doing. Before you can truly let go and leave him, you've got to decide not to leave or give up. There's nothing to be tied up in. If you're tied up in this, it's best to take action right away when you have this idea. There's no need to overthink the outcome after you separate. Taking action right away is the best way to get yourself out of this internal depletion. If you can't take action right away, then it's a choice to maintain the status quo. The most important thing to think about is how to change the feeling of depletion that comes from being together.

2. If you feel drained together and aren't growing, what's the point of being together? What have you gained from this year and beyond?

If there's nothing there, just your various grievances against him, then why continue to consume each other? Leaving him won't necessarily lead to a better choice, or are you dissatisfied with the fact that he'll leave you with a better choice?

Everyone can find happiness on their own, and they can do it with the right tools. The worst thing is to depend on someone else to make you happy. If you don't believe in yourself, it'll be hard to make the right choices. Focus on your own growth and success, and don't expect others to change. That's not realistic.

Hello, topic owner. Breaking up is a complicated and emotional decision, especially if you still have feelings for the other person. Here are some suggestions to help you deal with these conflicting emotions:

You need to think deeply about the reasons. First, you need to figure out why you want to break up. Is it because there are irreconcilable differences between you, or is it just a temporary mood swing?

Identifying the root of the problem is the key to making an informed decision.

Communication is key. If you decide to break up, you must communicate honestly with your partner. Do not hurt their feelings. Be honest about your feelings and thoughts.

Listen to the other person's opinions and feelings and respect their decision.

Seek support. Breaking up is an emotional challenge, and you need to get through it. Find a friend, family member, or professional counselor who can provide emotional support, advice, and guidance to help you better deal with your emotions after the breakup.

Take care of your emotions. A breakup can bring emotional ups and downs, such as sadness, disappointment, and anxiety. You must take care of your emotions, stay positive, and give yourself time to heal and adjust to the changes.

Find new goals in life. A breakup is a turning point. Turn your attention to finding new goals and interests. Try new activities, meet new people, or pursue your dreams. Get over the breakup and rediscover the joy of living.

Above all, remember that your feelings and happiness are paramount. If you know the breakup is the right decision, don't hesitate.

Trust your choice. Take responsibility for your own future and that of the other person.

Dear author, It is as though I am in your presence when I read your words.

In the 1.5 years that you have been together, you have undoubtedly experienced a plethora of shared experiences, including meeting each other's parents. As you previously stated, while there were occasional disagreements, the relationship was, by and large, quite positive at the outset.

However, there is a complicating factor: since October 23, the couple has been engaged in intense arguments over trivial matters, which has led the man to propose a breakup. The woman is reluctant to accept this, while the man has lost patience and may even become emotional. Indeed, both parties are aware that change is difficult, not because of a need to alter their approach, but because their hearts no longer align and there are no longer any problems to solve, resulting in numerous arguments.

You are experiencing a conflicted emotional state, vacillating between the desire to terminate the relationship and the inclination to remain in it. On the one hand, you continue to hold positive sentiments towards the relationship. However, on the other hand, you are experiencing feelings of discontent and disappointment with his conduct.

Furthermore, it is acknowledged that internal conflict is detrimental to one's physical and mental well-being. In the event that one is persistently struggling and experiencing distress, it may be necessary to consider taking action to interrupt the cycle.

It may be beneficial to communicate one's feelings and concerns with the other party in an honest and forthright manner in order to identify potential solutions to the problem. In the event that the other party is unable or unwilling to change or that a consensus cannot be reached, it is important to consider one's own happiness and future.

Additionally, age differences and the fulfillment of promises warrant consideration. Despite his initial pledge to marry at an early stage, there remains uncertainty regarding his ability to do so.

One must consider whether one is willing to continue waiting and taking risks, and whether this commitment is of sufficient importance to oneself.

It is of the utmost importance to attend to one's emotional and psychological needs in the aftermath of a relationship dissolution. While the process may be distressing, it can also be a catalyst for personal growth and the potential for a more fulfilling and supportive relationship in the future.

In the event that one is unable to make a decision, it is advisable to seek the counsel of friends, family, or a professional counselor. These individuals may be able to provide new perspectives and suggestions that could prove beneficial. Regardless of the decision that is ultimately made, it is important to trust in that choice and to take responsibility for one's own happiness.

I recommend a book to you: Pride and Prejudice, a renowned novel about love and marriage, which is regarded as a comprehensive guide to understanding the nuances of love and marriage. I hope it will prove to be a valuable resource for you.

This exemplifies the integration of knowledge and action, and it is my hope that we will experience a lifetime of happiness.

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from Heart Exploration, and I'm thrilled to have this opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

Emotional perception is our amazing ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It's also a wonderful manifestation of emotional intelligence!

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of feelings! They are the amazing physiological and biological responses of the human body to external stimuli.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain, which is a feeling; if the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold, which is also a feeling. And it's so interesting that feelings not only include reactions to stimuli in the environment, but also reactions to internal stimuli!

As the questioner wrote, just thinking about the breakup makes me feel a rollercoaster of emotions!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are the incredible reactions people have to feelings.

For example, when the surrounding environment is very hot, it causes sweaty palms and an accelerated heartbeat. Emotions are the wonderful, exciting feelings you get when your body is really enthusiastic and your heart is beating fast. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

As the questioner wrote, from that incident in October last year to the present, I have been on an incredible journey of self-discovery and growth.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of thoughts! Thoughts are the incredible way our minds understand and interpret our feelings and emotions.

The amazing thing about thoughts is that they don't originate in the peripheral nervous system. They originate in the central nervous system, which is really fascinating because it involves understanding and interpretation.

As the questioner wrote, after being together for 1.5 years, you want to break up but don't want to. What an exciting time! What should you do?

Next, we can dive right in and re-examine this process to see if we can understand our emotional changes and thus manage and express our emotions, in order to solve this problem of emotional perception.

Let's ask ourselves some more questions! When you first got together, what did you appreciate about your boyfriend? And what did he appreciate about you?

Have these points of appreciation changed over the past 1.5 years?

We can also try to ask ourselves what the arguments are about. Do they resolve the conflicts every time?

Let's try something new! We can ask ourselves what we were thinking when our boyfriend broke up with us last October. What emotions and feelings did it bring out in us?

We can also try to ask ourselves: What is it about ourselves that needs to be accompanied by our boyfriend at all times? And what is it about ourselves that hates it when our boyfriend gets emotional and angry?

What is it about myself that makes it hard to believe my boyfriend's promise to marry me?

We can also try to ask ourselves what the constant internal conflict reminds me of. What am I worried about? Let's find out!

What am I anxious about? What does the thought of a breakup remind me of?

What am I so excited about? What am I so eager to accept?

This is why feelings, emotions, and thoughts are actually the coordination between the nervous system and the brain. When everything is working together perfectly, you feel calm inside.

We can always be aware of our emotions and try to reconcile with them. When negative emotions such as panic and anxiety arise, we should say "stop" in time, take a deep breath, and quietly watch them without any judgment. It's amazing how emotions can come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like fallen leaves in the water! At the same time, you can try to record what you are feeling at the moment.

Your writing is for you, so go ahead and write about your feelings! Be honest and open, and you'll gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and the root of the problem.

You can have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend because you've both experienced a wonderful, loving relationship and have a strong emotional foundation. You've also reached the point where you're ready to talk about marriage and getting married! You can express your thoughts and concerns honestly, hoping to gain the other person's understanding and support, and also hear what the other person expects from you. Because you've learned to love each other, you can maintain a beautiful, lasting, and intimate relationship!

Good communication is a fantastic way to release your pent-up emotions and enhance mutual understanding, thus promoting the deepening of intimate relationships!

If you need help, you can also find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. Or, if you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because emotions must be expressed to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

Absolutely! We should always be looking for ways to improve ourselves and become more aware of our own selves. It's so important to allow ourselves to feel our emotions and accept our boyfriends' words and deeds. We should also care for our bodies, make the most of our free time, discover our own unique value, and build our own social support system. And when we feel strong and confident, we can use the power of empathy to influence the other person and gain their trust and affection. When you spend time with someone, you'll feel relaxed and at ease, and you'll naturally become close to them!

I highly recommend the book "Intimacy: Finding Your Soulmate"!

It is important to understand the current confusion and internal conflicts. Emotional issues are often very complex, especially when personal character traits and psychological needs are involved. The first step is to analyze your current situation from a psychological perspective.

Firstly, you have indicated that you have an anxious attachment personality, which may result in an over-reliance on your partner in a relationship and the experience of significant anxiety and fear of separation. This dependence and fear may impact your judgement and approach to the relationship, and may also cause stress to your partner.

Furthermore, the age difference may result in discrepancies between your respective lifestyles and levels of maturity. His emotional volatility and lack of patience may be attributable to his inherent personality traits.

When adjusting your psychological state, consider the following aspects:

1. Rational thinking: Examine your relationship from a rational perspective and analyze the problems and conflicts in the relationship, including your communication style, emotional needs, and the frequency of arguments. At the same time, reflect on your own attachment and anxiety, and the impact of these emotions on your relationship.

2. Self-regulation: It is advisable to learn to independently handle emotions and needs, establish your own support system, and cultivate independent living skills and emotional management skills. It may be beneficial to seek psychological counseling or participate in related psychological counseling courses to better manage your attachment emotions and anxiety.

3. Communication and compromise: When communicating with your partner, present your needs and opinions in a calm and rational manner, demonstrate an understanding of the other person's feelings and thoughts, and pursue mutually beneficial compromises and solutions. At the same time, accept and respect the other person's personality traits and ways of expressing emotions.

4. Re-evaluate the relationship: It may be beneficial to re-evaluate the interaction patterns and relationship dynamics in your relationship. This can help you assess the positive and negative impacts of the relationship on you, as well as the maturity and emotional compatibility between you.

5. Self-growth and needs: Consider your own growth and development needs, including career, hobbies, social circle, etc. Can you obtain the necessary support and autonomy within this relationship to pursue your goals and aspirations?

Please indicate whether you believe this relationship is having a positive impact on your personal growth.

6. Relationship dynamics and reconstruction: Examine the patterns of interaction and areas of concern between the two parties. When analyzing the root causes of disagreements and conflicts, are there any underlying patterns or communication barriers? Attempt to re-establish healthy communication and interaction patterns to improve trust and understanding between the two parties.

7. Emotional Investment and Return: Evaluate the balance of emotional investment and return between you, as well as the potential for excessive dependence or unequal giving. Additionally, assess the alignment of your emotional needs and expectations, and determine the feasibility of moving forward together.

8. External support and feedback: When faced with difficult decisions, you may wish to seek the advice and support of family, friends, or professional counselors. They may be able to provide some objective and neutral advice to help you see the problem more clearly and make a decision.

Ultimately, you must make a decision that is beneficial to both you and the other person. This decision should be based on in-depth thinking and analysis, combined with an understanding of the situation and your own feelings. Regardless of whether you choose to remain in the relationship or end it, you must have the courage and determination to face an uncertain future while also honoring your own inner feelings and needs.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you and move forward in a more positive direction.