After failing the postgraduate entrance exam three times, how can I get out of my current situation?

Hello friend,

After reading about your experience, I admire your courage. Three years is not a long time, but it's also not a short time. You finally ask, "Have you made a mistake by going the way you want to go?" The answer is simple: you haven't made a mistake. You've only come to this world once. If you can't go the way you want to go and can't control your own life, and if you were initially swayed by your family to do something you didn't want to do, then you will regret it 100% in the future.

You made the right decision to pursue your ideals. Even if the end result is not what you hoped for, you gave it your all, and that's what matters. All roads lead to Rome. If this road to the postgraduate entrance exam doesn't work, find another way. There's always a way to achieve your goals.

You are under a lot of pressure to take the exam. You have spent time, energy, money, and perhaps more than you are free to make, including your youth. It is understandable that you say you are easily influenced by those around you and accumulate a lot of negative emotions.

You have to create a gap for emotional release. If you don't, you'll just keep taking in more and more, until one day it all comes crashing down. You have to stop caring what other people think, even if they're your family. You can't change the way older people think and act overnight. But they want you to succeed and hope you'll achieve your dreams, which is why they speak to you harshly. If they didn't care about you, they wouldn't bother saying anything at all.

You must learn to control the negative thoughts that arise in your mind. If you ignore them, they will slowly dissolve. If you keep amplifying them, they will corrode your heart. When you feel a lot of psychological pressure, you have to release some of the negative emotions. There are many ways to do this, such as meditation, giving yourself a quiet space, breathing deeply, closing your eyes, and even if you don't think about anything, it can relieve some of your emotions. Just give it a try!

You said you want to escape from your family, so pull yourself together. Face tomorrow optimistically and work hard every day as if it were your last. Live actively. Come on, talk about it. Communicate with family members or friends. If no one can understand you, you can be your own therapist. Of course, you can also continue to boldly express your pain on this platform, and there will be many people willing to help you relieve it! Live your life to the fullest!

Dear Question Asker,

It is challenging to provide comprehensive guidance on how to cope with the failure to pass the postgraduate entrance exam in a limited space. Nevertheless, I aim to offer some insights in my response and to support you in exploring alternative perspectives when you feel anxious or depressed.

For adults, choice entails responsibility.

From your remarks, it is evident that you have a clear understanding of your future objectives. However, following three unsuccessful attempts at the postgraduate entrance exam, it is crucial to realign your next plan in order to achieve your initial goals. One potential option is to continue your studies at home for the postgraduate entrance exam. In this case, it is vital to secure your parents' financial support while you are not employed and generating an income.

An alternative option is to combine work and preparation for the postgraduate entrance exam. This could involve working for a few years to gain practical experience, followed by a further period of preparation for the exam.

You may even choose to get married and have children first, and then reconsider taking the postgraduate entrance exam. As an adult in your twenties, you have many choices, but you need to have the courage to bear the consequences of your choices.

The topic of independence is one that every young person must address.

The three years spent preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam coincided with the three years affected by the pandemic. The overall employment environment was not conducive to graduates, and competition for postgraduate entrance exams intensified as a result. Students who previously excelled in school now face reality upon entering society, which may result in a sense of loss.

While repeated failure to pass the entrance exam is a virtue in and of itself, it is arguably of greater importance for young people at this stage of their lives to develop independence. This should be achieved in both financial and mental terms, with a gradual reduction in dependence on parents and a move towards independent living.

You may feel that your emotions fluctuate greatly under the influence of your family members, and that they reject you. This is precisely the challenge you need to face.

"Failure is also an opportunity for growth."

Some individuals may consistently experience ease, while the majority will inevitably confront challenges and frustrations. There are numerous motivational narratives about celebrities and ordinary individuals on the internet. Some individuals may have endured a prolonged period of adversity, but they ultimately facilitated opportunities and transformations.

While three years may not seem like a long time, it is a relatively short period in the context of one's lifetime. As you have mentioned, you are a driven individual with a strong ambition to succeed. You have many years ahead of you to continue striving and achieving your goals. Therefore, it is important to start with a small but practical step and allow yourself time to adjust to this new phase.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the questioner will be able to identify his objective and take the subsequent action in a decisive manner.

Hello,

I understand you feel sad, upset, and disappointed. You failed the postgraduate entrance exam three times, which has hurt your self-confidence. Your family members also give you a hard time. I can hug you from afar.

Failure can affect our emotions. If we don't succeed at something for a long time, we may feel helpless. This can reduce our confidence. We may think we can't do it. This is also related to our mentality and confidence.

If you don't have confidence, things will go badly. You can learn from your mistakes. Was it because you used a certain method that improved efficiency, or perhaps you didn't summarize the key points? The postgraduate entrance exam is a long learning process. We need to keep learning and accumulating knowledge. At the same time, when choosing a school and a major, we should see what kind of major and school we can apply for.

Your family also wants you to succeed, which can affect your learning and grades.

Your family often imposes their ideas on you. But you control your life. Despite your family's ideas, you have your own thoughts and personality. You can decide what you want to do. You can try it out. If you don't try, you won't know what you can do.

Take responsibility for your choices. Your life is your responsibility. What you do and how you do it is up to you. If you don't have a strong opinion and always listen to your family, you won't be able to think freely. This will make you depressed.

The poster must recognize negative emotions, understand why they happen, and see if they're overreacting. If we can't control our emotions, they'll control us. We must learn to recognize our emotions, express them, adjust our mindset, encourage ourselves, build confidence, and believe in ourselves.

I hope this helps.

Hello, host!

The original poster has worked hard for three years to achieve his goals. I admire his perseverance. It's rare to find such dedication.

To the last question: "Is it wrong to follow your dreams?" My answer is no!

Everyone wants to be the best version of themselves. We all have different qualities and traits.

People want to be themselves.

You can become the best version of yourself by fulfilling your highest need, which is self-actualization. Everyone has potential and the desire to realize it. You can understand your potential, choose what kind of person you want to become, and move forward with determination.

The original poster studied for three years for the postgraduate entrance exam. This shows perseverance and a clear goal. It is right to follow your own path!

Only a few people can truly realize their self-worth because it is difficult. It depends on an individual's efforts, personal traits, development level, and social environment.

The host's three-year persistence in taking the postgraduate entrance exam but failing to achieve his goal may be due to many other factors, such as the increase in the number of people taking the postgraduate entrance exam, the overly fierce competition, and the complex and ever-changing factors considered during the admission process. This can be understood as the social environment being unable to provide sufficient support to the host, a group whose academic performance is like that of the group whose college entrance exam acceptance rate was only in the single digits a few decades ago.

The original poster is not a "loser." Becoming oneself is a path of self-exploration and self-growth. Reality is complex, ever-changing, and uncertain, so one's own efforts don't control whether goals are achieved.

The host's relatives insulted him with mean words. They probably believe that if you work hard, you will succeed. Or that if you are not successful, you are useless.

This logic is different from the logic of the real world. It's a distortion and imagination of the real world. "They always want me to follow their line of thinking, and everything I do is denied. Studying at home is considered useless, and going out to work makes me feel like I can't do anything," reflects the denial of a single thing being generalized by loved ones as a denial of the host's entire being.

I think this was a very upsetting experience for the host. It is likely that this has led to some emotional and physical problems.

People are not very tolerant of attempts and explorations. This is ignorant and arrogant. Can anyone guarantee that the future can be controlled by one's own efforts? The more you explore, the more mistakes you make.

Mistakes and failures help us learn, grow, and create value.

Many people spend their whole lives without achieving anything great. Can we rely on them to find the truth? Their contributions are silent, but they are valuable. Just as Edison's thousands of failures led him to find the material for the filament, these people's contributions will lead us to the truth.

If Thomas Edison never found the material to make a light bulb filament, was he a failure? If Vincent van Gogh was poor and his paintings were never known or worshipped after his death, was he a failure?

If the cultural environment doesn't respect life's laws, respect them yourself: understand your difficulties, sympathize with your hardships, and accept your failures. I believe the most important thing in life is trying your best and accepting the results. If you fail, don't regret it.

The real regret of life is having unfinished things—unfulfilled wishes.

Failure helps us develop our thinking, feelings, and abilities in a way that is closer to reality. It helps us understand ourselves and our relationship with reality better, so we can adjust our goals and efforts when needed.

I think the anxiety of the poster's loved ones may come from a different perception of reality.

If we keep trying and it doesn't work, it means we don't understand ourselves or reality. Our judgment is biased. Others' opinions about our situation and reality are often valuable. Friends, family, and industry experts can provide helpful insights.

Your loved ones are not helping by being so unkind.

How can I get out of this?

Given the original poster's current state, it's important to rest. Three years of perseverance is not a short-term stress, and the frustration caused by the postgraduate entrance exam is also not a short-term negative experience. Coupled with the job search, relatives have not provided the emotional acceptance, warmth, and support you need. You need to rest to restore emotional calm and stability.

If you have friends or family you can turn to for help, you might as well ask for it. It's okay to feel negative, anxious, and depressed. You don't have to talk about it all the time. Asking for help is a way to build trust and support with friends. You can try it and adjust who and how you ask for help.

The original poster can listen to friends' opinions to understand his own mistakes. A relationship is valuable in good times and bad.

When asking for help, respect your friend's wishes.

However, friends may not have received professional training in helping people on a psychological level, so I suggest that the original poster seek help from a professional counselor. The original poster's current situation makes me feel like I'm "under attack on all sides and isolated and helpless." "I have just experienced the hell of exams and am now facing the maliciousness of my family and society head-on. I am very painful and lonely inside, and anxiety and pressure surround me all the time. It is more difficult and takes longer to restore a state of good health on one's own.

She needed professional support because she couldn't leave her loved ones for a short time.

I hug you with all my heart!

I hope the original poster gets better and can keep going.

I love you.