After my sister was born, I regretted and worried about the university I chose.

Hello, question asker.

She knows you pretty well. Your parents didn't take care of you, so your illness wasn't treated in time. You resent your parents.

At the same time, she's concerned that she's not spending enough time with her younger sister, and that it's having a negative impact.

We all get hurt by our family of origin, and you have every reason to hate and resent your parents. But you also have a responsibility to grow up.

After all, parents are only human. You're not being asked to forgive them, but as you continue with your own treatment, I believe you will be able to understand the choices they made at the time.

You mentioned that having an older sibling go away to college affects the younger sibling.

Since you're not together every day, your emotional connection might not be as strong as it would be if you were. But that doesn't mean she doesn't feel your love for her.

If you're close to someone but you spend all your time in separate rooms, that's not good companionship. You should be sharing experiences, thoughts, food, and so on. Even if you leave school, these memories will remain warm.

On the other hand, your pursuit of academic excellence is a great example for your younger sister. She'll probably follow in your footsteps and work hard to meet your standards.

There are other ways you can show your love and support.

For instance, videos, phone calls, gifts, listening to her concerns, relieving her stress, encouraging her, recognizing her, and so on.

Even though you're away at school, your influence on her is limited. If you want to avoid her repeating the same mistakes, your parents also need to change.

Make sure you pay more attention to your younger sister.

Best of luck!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your inquiry.

After reviewing your message, I believe you are a kind and responsible sister. I commend you for your actions.

Please find below some thoughts on the matter, which may not be entirely accurate. You are welcome to refer to them and listen to them. It is my hope that they will be helpful.

Firstly, you have already attended university, which indicates that you are an adult, and your mother has given birth to a younger sister. It is evident that there is a significant age difference between this younger sister and you. You did not express dislike for your suddenly appearing younger sister as other children do, but instead you are concerned that your distance from her will cause her to have an unhealthy childhood. You even worry whether she will be bipolar like you. It is important to remember that your younger sister and you are both independent individuals. You have already become an adult, and it is your responsibility to walk your own path. Your younger sister's upbringing and growth is the responsibility of your parents. Regardless of what happens in the future, they will need to bear this responsibility, not you.

It is important to be clear about this, as I am concerned that your kindness may lead to fatigue.

Secondly, your mother gave birth to a younger sister when she was your age. When you were young, you lacked parental love, and you were brought up in Guangzhou. Forgive me for making a non-discriminatory guess, but your parents had a preference for boys, so they didn't love you enough. You have a problem with gender orientation, and at such an advanced age, they still want to have another child. If this is the case in your family, and if my guess is correct, then it would be a good choice for you to go to Nanjing and get away from that atmosphere, because your mother has given birth to another daughter, and I don't know how the situation will develop. It could get really bad, so it's important to get away from that environment and focus on your own development.

You are a kind and responsible child, willing to take on the care of your younger sister. Should you be in a position to do so financially, you could provide for her and be a source of support, given your familial bond. However, it is important not to become overly focused on this responsibility to the exclusion of other aspects of your life. It is likely that your parents will entrust you with this role, and if you wish to look forward to the excitement of your future life, it is essential to take responsibility for your own life.

University is the beginning of adulthood. It is an opportunity to develop valuable skills that will serve you well in the future. You will enter society, pursue a career, live independently, form relationships, and start a family. It is important to manage your responsibilities effectively to reduce the burden on your parents. Avoid taking on more than you can handle. Be kind to yourself and others. This is my advice to you.

I encourage you to persevere, and I hope that your efforts will be rewarded.

Hello! I'm Gu Daoxi Feng Shou Lu, a heart exploration coach.

It seems like the question asker is a really sweet girl who cares a lot about her little sister and wants to make sure her younger sister doesn't have the same problems she did. But here's something interesting: the question asker's younger sister does have an older sister. But lots of kids who are only children don't have an older sister. So, who is responsible for their growth and development?

I just want to check in with you and see if you're still putting a lot of pressure on yourself.

Everything is just perfect, and the choices she's making now are the best ones for her. Her school is really good, which is great for her little sister too. It'll set a great example for her and help her get a great education. It's a great choice, no matter how you look at it. Her little sister was just born, and by the time she graduates, her little sister will be in first grade. She'll have a great opportunity to catch up on lost time by having her little sister go to school with her. Does thinking this way make her feel better?

When the OP's parents gave birth to her, they may have been under financial pressure and could not take care of her emotional needs. But now that her parents have a financial foundation, they can devote more energy to taking care of their younger sister. The OP may not have to worry too much.

It's so important to let your parents know how you feel. They might not realize it, but they've neglected you a bit during your growth process. Let them learn from your shortcomings and reduce the possibility of them existing in your younger sister.

The questioner goes to university far away, but she still gets winter and summer vacations! She can make up for the lack of companionship during the week by spending time with her sister during the holidays. This way, when her sister wants the company of her older sister, she can receive her love unconditionally. This may be more valuable than the questioner's anxiety!

It's so important to keep in touch with your little one! Video chatting or buying her toys are great ways to show her how much you love her. I really believe that's the best thing you can do. I know it can be tough for parents, especially with so much on their plates these days. But you're doing a great job, and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself.

I truly believe that the younger sister's choice to be born at this time was an arrangement given by God to prevent the questioner from making decisions in the future that she might regret, and to live in the present.

I'd highly recommend reading "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Cognitive Awakening," and "A Single Thought Can Change Everything." They're all great books that'll really help you open up your mind!

Warmest regards!

The questioner expressed gratitude for the opportunity to connect.

From your description, it is evident that you have a profound concern for your younger sister and a profound love for her. Despite the significant age difference and the fact that your younger sister may not yet fully comprehend the role of an older sister, your every word and action clearly demonstrates your profound love for her.

I extend my support and encouragement to you. Let us engage in a constructive dialogue on this matter.

1. Perception of one's own concerns

As a result of my personal experience with bipolar disorder, I am disinclined to allow my own children to suffer a similar fate. I am concerned that my sister may also develop psychological deficiencies due to the lack of parental attention she received during her formative years.

Upon identifying these concerns, it is essential to engage in a process of introspective inquiry. This entails writing down the thoughts in question and then posing the following question to oneself: Are these thoughts definitively accurate? Are they a certainty in terms of their eventual outcome?

Facing these concerns and thoughts directly may result in a notable reduction in internal distress.

2. Analyze the reality

The most crucial aspect of a child's initial developmental stages is the presence of their parents, particularly their mother. Consequently, despite the distance and limited time available for your own studies, if your mother is able to provide comprehensive support and guidance during your sister's growth and development, your absence is unlikely to have a substantial impact on her development.

Therefore, given that you have selected your current university and given it your full consideration, there is no reason to abandon your choice in order to facilitate your sister's growth.

Given her age, it is reasonable to conclude that your mother has secured a stable position and that the family's financial situation is relatively stable. It is likely that she has sufficient time, energy, and a relatively good mood to provide care for your younger sister. Therefore, the environment in which your younger sister is growing up is already quite different from the environment and living conditions in which you grew up.

Even in the absence of a recognition of the significance of family education by one's parents and in the context of a younger sibling being the second child in the family, the younger sibling's growth is unlikely to be significantly influenced in the immediate future. In particular, the shortcomings of the older sibling are unlikely to have a substantial impact on the younger sibling's growth in the near term.

3. Determine the optimal course of action.

You are still a few years away from graduating from university, and by that time, your sister will have just begun to grasp the nuances of her situation. You will have more time to spend with her than you do now, so she will be able to develop a relationship with a family member and will not lack for attention. You can usually communicate with your sister via video chat, and when you are at home, you can dedicate more time to her, engage in activities with her, pursue her interests, and purchase items that align with her preferences.

It is my contention that in her perception, the role of an older sister will be one of warmth and security, devoid of any negative sentiment.

Therefore, there is no need to be concerned about attending college at a distance from home or about your sister and how much I have grown. I can understand that you were taken aback by your sister's arrival and that you were also somewhat anxious and worried simultaneously. You tend to feel that no matter how much you provide for your sister, it is never sufficient.

I postulate that my sister is able to perceive this sentiment. There is no need for excessive concern.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance to you, and that you find the outcome to be favorable.

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to send you a 360-degree hug.

From what you have shared about the situation, it seems that you have a strong bond with your younger sister and are invested in her well-being. It's possible that you may also be experiencing feelings of sadness or regret about your childhood, particularly the period when you were alone or in need of more care from your parents.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, this could be seen as a kind of projection, where your own needs may be influencing your interactions with your sister. It's possible that you're hoping to receive the same level of care and attention you received when you were younger by taking on a caring role for your sister. It's understandable to have concerns about your parents' ability to provide the same level of care for your sister, given your own experiences.

It's possible that the underlying reason is a desire for more care and attention during your upbringing.

It's also possible that your gender anxiety is related to the fact that you don't feel entirely welcome in the family. It's possible that there's a preference for male children, which might have led to your gender expectations being different from your biological sex. It's understandable that you'd expect to be the gender that your parents expect. Regarding your gender anxiety, I'm just guessing because I don't know your actual situation.

It may be helpful to consider that the person you want to accompany is actually yourself. It's possible that inside you there is a wounded inner child, which may be longing, angry, worried, and in need of soothing and healing.

Psychological counseling suggests that a person with a traumatic childhood may have the opportunity to heal in two ways: through intimate relationships and through parent-child relationships. This could mean that you have the chance to heal your own childhood trauma in the process of raising your sister.

It seems that you are currently healing your childhood trauma in your relationship with your sister.

If I may make a suggestion, it would be to talk to a counselor about your concerns regarding your sister, your own upbringing, your relationship with your parents, etc.

Secondly, perhaps it would be helpful to let your sister navigate her own path. I have always felt that everyone has their own life trajectory, and that what happens to them is part of their destiny.

If you feel that your absence may have had a negative psychological impact on your younger sister, that she resents you for not being there for her, that it has created a rift between you, and that she even accuses you of being a bad sister, it might be helpful to consider that these feelings are a result of her own internal experiences and that she needs to face them. Sometimes I feel that our external environment, such as the circumstances of our birth, our parents, our siblings, and our customs, can influence our experiences, but they cannot determine the trajectory of our lives.

You are far away, and it may or may not affect your sister. But this is your sister's business, not yours. Of course, you are not doing nothing. You can spend more time with your sister, for example, take her with you during the summer and winter vacations, call and video chat with her more often, and buy her small gifts when she gets older. In this way, you can play the role of a protector in her life and accompany her in another way.

Third, whether or not to switch schools is a decision that ultimately rests with you. In my opinion, I would not recommend switching schools.

It is worth noting that companionship does not necessarily require frequent meetings. If you were to switch schools for your younger sister, it would undoubtedly be a significant decision. While it is impossible to predict the future, it is possible that your feelings towards your younger sister might change in the event that this decision affects your life in the future. However, this is your decision, and your younger sister has not been involved in the decision-making process.

It may also be unfair to make her bear the disappointment you may feel. After all, the future is hard to predict.

I consider myself to be a counselor who is often both Buddhist and pessimistic, and occasionally positive and motivated.

I am a counselor who tends to see the world through a lens of both optimism and pessimism. I hope you will accept my perspective with the same open mind I offer it.

I totally get where you're coming from with your current feelings of worry and regret. We all have different considerations and decision-making criteria when it comes to choosing a university.

I can see that you chose China Pharmaceutical University because of its great reputation and the high profile of its pharmacy program. That's a really important factor. But now you're starting to have doubts about your decision and you're worrying about how it'll affect your younger sister.

I just want to say that you're not a bad sister! Even though you're away at college, you still care about and love your sister.

Even though you might not be able to be there every day, you can still show her that you care in other ways, like by phone, video chat, or writing letters. It's so important to stay in touch and offer support and encouragement when she needs it.

It's also worth noting that younger siblings can be affected by their older siblings going to university, but it's not a given that they'll develop psychological problems. Family support and communication are really important, so you can work with your parents to pay attention to your younger sister's growth and development. Try to establish a good family atmosphere so that she feels warmth and support.

As for university choices, you mentioned South China University of Technology, Jinan University, and Southern Medical University. These universities all have great pharmacy or related majors! If you think transferring to one of these universities might be a good fit for you and your sister, you could chat with a teacher or counselor. They can give you some great advice and help you figure out what you're interested in and what you want to do.

It doesn't matter which university you choose, as long as you work hard, develop your professional abilities, and stay in touch with your family.

Asking yourself questions when you're faced with a decision can really help you make the best choice for you.

1. How well do you know the options? Would you like to find out more?

2. It's also important to think about your personal values and goals. Do your choices match up with what you really want for yourself?

3. How will you weigh your interests and risks? It's so important to have a plan in place for each choice, don't you think?

4. Have you asked for advice from others? It can be really helpful to get different perspectives! What do they think of your decision?

5. We'd love to know how you're really feeling deep down. What's your gut feeling or first reaction to each choice?

6. Have you thought about how your choice might affect you in the long run? Will it have a positive or negative impact on your future?

7. Are you ready to take on the world and be the best you can be?

We hope these questions help you understand yourself and your choices better and make informed decisions. And remember, decision-making is a dynamic process, so you may need to adjust and modify your plans along the way.

It's so important to remember that you've got to act on your decision and accept the consequences. Whatever the outcome, try to take a positive attitude, learn from it, and move on.

Hello, I appreciate your love and concern for your younger sister, and I know it's a common feeling. However, there's no need to blame yourself or worry too much. Every family and every person's situation is different, and you can't predict the future.

It's normal to feel unsure about your choice of university. There are a lot of factors to consider when choosing a university, including the major, location, and reputation of the school.

However, you don't have to beat yourself up about your choice. Every school has its own set of pros and cons, and everyone's experience and feelings are different.

If you're really concerned about your sister's mental health, you might want to try communicating with her more, sharing your thoughts and concerns, and also giving her more attention and companionship. During the holidays or other times, you could go home to visit her, play and communicate with her, and let her feel your love and attention.

You can also reach out to the school's psychological counseling center or counselor for more support. They can provide guidance and assistance in managing your emotions and challenges.

I just want to say that you shouldn't blame yourself or worry too much. You made the right choice for you, and you should trust that. At the same time, you should believe in your sister's strength and courage. She'll be just fine.