After one year of marriage, without a proposal ceremony, how to reconcile a marriage without a proposal?

Hello.

Kelly Shui

We've been married for a year and there's been no marriage proposal ceremony. How can a marriage without a marriage proposal be reconciled?

You said you've been married for a year and still haven't had a marriage proposal ceremony. I don't understand why I'm so obsessed with this.

Let's talk about it.

[About choices]

First of all, I want to know why you're willing to get married without a ceremony. I know you love each other and are ready to enter into marriage together.

Rituals make us feel valued and worthy of love. We all have an ideal romantic ceremony in our minds.

I remember that when I was a student, I liked to read novels and always felt that men "should" be romantic and give flowers on birthdays or important holidays.

When choosing a partner, I simply don't want to marry someone like this. It just doesn't feel complete.

That voice inside you knows the truth. If this man is so romantic, he's got a lot of experience in love.

I later discovered that it often has to do with an inner "girl" in us. That child inside has expectations and a romantic love story, but as a husband or boyfriend, we often don't understand our thoughts very well.

You want to get married and your main concern after the wedding is your expectation.

If the other person is not good at expressing themselves, they may not be able to understand you. Write out what you need to do to create a sense of ritual and try to satisfy yourself.

Invite your husband to join you.

This way, we can choose freely for ourselves, let the other person pay, and you plan a romantic sense of ceremony.

When we satisfy our own needs, it reduces our expectations of others. Your husband will get to know you through a sense of ritual like yours and know what you like.

You have options, and you are free to choose.

[About expectations]

Often, we have expectations when we don't get what we want. You keep communicating with your partner about why they haven't responded, but you know deep down that it makes you feel uncomfortable when they don't respond.

Apart from these things, I want to know if there is anything else you can't communicate normally.

The other person should be open about their expectations in the marriage. You can have a good chat about it together.

I remember that in my marriage, I had expectations when it came to apologizing. I realized that this also came from myself. No matter what my parents did wrong in the early days, including reading my diaries and letters, they never apologized.

I always thought that my husband could do better. I made him apologize, and he was reluctant.

I recently studied psychology and discovered that changing others is the most difficult thing. The only thing that can be changed is love. Two people who deeply love each other, like each other, and are willing to change themselves for the other person, rather than being asked by others, are the only ones who can truly change each other.

I also came to understand myself more and more. In marriage and in life, I like a sense of certainty, but I don't like things that are too certain and bland.

You're absolutely right. It's like you mentioned, it seems like everything is fine in a marriage, but there's always something missing.

I'll tell you a story. My family of origin was full of tension and unease. After getting married, I discovered that I was very much like my mother: controlling and demanding.

When the family is too quiet, we will look for "conflicts." Later, as we grow up, we also begin to explore ourselves. We long to be loved, to be seen and valued by our other half. We also have unfulfilled expectations from our early days.

The more you understand and explore yourself, the more you will learn. I am certain that one day you will help yourself find the answer.

We are all independent, and understanding ourselves helps us understand others.

We can and should hope that others are the same. Through learning and growing, we can and will learn ways to communicate, do things, and say things that meet our needs.

Read these books: Growing in Relationships, It Turns Out, Understanding is More Important than Love, The Book of Solitude, and The Art of Love.