After the divorce, the child is 12 years old and wants to know the reasons for our separation. How should we explain it?

Effective communication with a 12-year-old about the reasons for their parents' divorce and its subsequent impact requires a sensitive and empathetic approach. The following is a potential method for facilitating such communication, with the objective of providing a gentle and understanding explanation of past events while minimizing potential psychological harm.

1. Initiating a Relationship and Establishing Trust

In order to facilitate open communication with your child, it is essential to select a suitable environment that is both comfortable and private. This will ensure that your child is able to express their thoughts and feelings without any external influence. An appropriate opening line could be:

"My dear, I am aware that you have had numerous inquiries and reservations regarding your parents' divorce over the years. As you have matured, you have the right to be informed about the circumstances surrounding it.

"The purpose of this discussion is to facilitate a more nuanced understanding of the circumstances surrounding the divorce. It is my hope that this dialogue will lead to a deeper comprehension of each other's perspectives."

2. Provide an explanation of the reasons for the divorce.

In explaining the reasons for the divorce, it is important to remain objective and concise, avoiding emotional expressions. An example of how this might be done is as follows:

"Initially, there were significant disagreements between my father and me regarding the care and education of our child. My father is someone who relies on his mother more, which led to numerous disagreements regarding time spent with your grandparents.

I attempted to communicate with my father in order to identify a mutually agreeable solution. However, it became evident that our differences were too profound to allow for continued cohabitation. Consequently, we opted for a separation, with each of us pursuing a lifestyle that aligns more closely with our individual preferences.

"

3. Regarding the circumstances of the father

In discussing the circumstances surrounding your father's demise, it is imperative to refrain from instilling a sense of culpability or self-reproach in your child. One effective approach would be to articulate the following:

"Following the dissolution of the marriage, the father attempted to establish a new life, yet it appears that he was unable to achieve lasting contentment. I am aware that his demise was a profound source of distress for you, and you may be inclined to perceive that you were the primary cause of this tragedy.

However, it is important to note that this is not a reflection of your own actions. The decisions and choices made by your father are entirely his own responsibility, and as such, are beyond your control.

Each individual possesses a unique lifestyle and a distinct set of decisions, and these actions may result in unforeseen outcomes.

4. Family Relationships

In discussing family relationships, it is important to convey to the child that despite the possibility of disagreements and conflicts with her grandparents, her love and respect for them remains unwavering. This can be effectively conveyed through a statement such as the following:

"I am aware that you and your grandparents may have experienced some disagreeable incidents. Nevertheless, it is important to recognize that they are your father's parents and your extended family members.

It is possible that they may not always express themselves in an appropriate manner, but it is nonetheless the case that they love you and want what is best for you. It would be beneficial for you to try to understand them and to be tolerant. It should be noted that it takes time and effort to get along with family members.

"

5. Regarding emotional states

In the course of communication, it is imperative not to ignore your child's feelings. It is essential to encourage her to express her thoughts and emotions while also reassuring her that her feelings are normal and understandable. An appropriate response might be:

"I am aware that the dissolution of your parents' marriage may have had a profound impact on you. It is not uncommon for individuals in such circumstances to experience feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and self-doubt.

It is important to note, however, that these feelings are normal. The child in question is, by all accounts, a brave and strong individual, capable of facing the aforementioned difficulties.

Should you encounter any difficulties or concerns, you are encouraged to confide in me or another trusted individual. You can be assured that I will be available to provide support and assistance.

"

6. Regarding the future

Ultimately, it is imperative to instill a positive and optimistic outlook on the future in your child. This can be effectively conveyed through the following statement:

"It is important to recognize that the past is not a fixed entity; it is a construct of the present. The future is a vast expanse, and it is within this temporal domain that new experiences and opportunities await.

It is my conviction that you will become an exemplary and self-sufficient individual, capable of attaining personal fulfillment. Regardless of your future endeavors or the challenges you may face, it is imperative to recognize the unwavering support of your mother and the extended family, who will always be there to encourage and assist you.

"

This form of communication allows children to gain a deeper comprehension of past events while simultaneously experiencing the support and affection of their family. During this process, it is essential to demonstrate patience and understanding, providing the child with sufficient time and space to process and accept the information.

Greetings.

Upon reading your words, a profound sense of sadness and helplessness emerged within me. As a mother, you would undoubtedly empathize with your child, and leaving your child at the tender age of two is undoubtedly a significant loss.

However, she was compelled to leave. Her former in-laws exercised such control that her former husband resorted to domestic violence.

The individual in question has suffered significant physical and psychological trauma, and it is therefore not feasible for them to remain in the situation. It is not their responsibility that their marriage ended in divorce and that they were compelled to relinquish their child to their former spouse.

The former son-in-law's suicide was precipitated by the former wife's parents' desire to exert control over their son and daughter-in-law. This is a tragic outcome. The child's mother was compelled to leave after her divorce, and the child's father committed suicide, leaving the child as a victim of the former mother-in-law and father-in-law.

It is evident that the former mother-in-law and father-in-law exert a strong desire to control the child.

It seems reasonable to posit that the child, who lost her mother when she was two and her father when she was six, is confused.

The child is 12 years of age and is beginning to enter puberty. She is confused and sad, and is unsure of why her parents abandoned her and stayed away from her. She needs to pursue social identity, self-identity, and develop her own sense of identity, but she is confused inside.

The child is subjected to considerable pressure from her grandparents, which gives rise to a multitude of internal conflicts. On the one hand, her grandparents accuse her mother, while on the other, she experiences a vague sense of her mother's love.

At the age of 12, she reached a point where she was unable to endure the internal conflict any longer and thus had a right to seek and receive the truth.

It can be reasonably assumed that the child's primary objective is to ascertain the truth, rather than the embellished version of events presented by the mother. While the truth may be distressing, it provides the child with the understanding that the situation's outcome is not a result of their actions and that they are not at fault.

The child is not the cause of the separation of the parents.

A mother's love for her child often leads her to shield her child from the harsh realities of the world. However, if the truth is not revealed, the child may eventually become aware of it.

Although she is unaware of your intentions, she is able to discern that you have been untruthful.

It is imperative not to succumb to fear; your child is not equipped to cope with such a situation. Instead, it is vital to confront the harsh reality with fortitude, alongside your child.

It is important to ensure that your child is aware of the presence of a mother figure in their life, and that they can rely on her for support. A mother can provide guidance and strength in navigating the challenges of life.

Regardless of one's upbringing, individuals possess the capacity to select their desired future trajectory and way of life.

The fear in one's heart may arise from a combination of maternal love and the desire to protect one's child, as well as from the need to protect oneself. The reality of a situation may evoke a sense of distress and a lack of control. One may seek to alter the reality to align it with one's expectations, which may not fully align with the actual circumstances.

The truth, however, is something that must be confronted and cannot be avoided. Only by facing reality directly can one gradually extricate oneself from the dilemma.

Your courage will also serve as an exemplar for your progeny.

The world and I extend our affection to you, and we encourage you to embrace self-love as well.

Good day, my name is Bai Li Yina, and I am here to provide you with the assistance you require.

The questioner revealed that she divorced when her child was two years old and her husband passed away when her child was six. Now her child is twelve years old, and she has recently contacted you, seeking to understand the circumstances that led to your departure. Is she truly an abandoned child? You are uncertain how to convey the truth to your child, and you are reluctant for your child to learn of any negative aspects. What is the optimal course of action?

[Situation analysis]

Your marriage was unsuccessful. Your husband was overly attached to his mother and you had a poor relationship with your in-laws. Your husband's violence was the catalyst for your departure. You made the decision to leave, but also faced the consequences of being unable to witness your child's growth. Your concern for your child's well-being demonstrates your dedication to her and your desire to provide her with love. She was still too young when you left her, and this sense of helplessness must have caused you significant distress. I extend my support and understanding to you. Let's examine the options available to us now.

[Questions to consider]

1. Would you like to know why your daughter contacted you? What prompted her to reach out to you after you thought she felt abandoned? Is there any truth to the assumption that she feels you abandoned her?

Or is this merely your own conjecture?

2. There has been a lack of communication and understanding between you for a number of years. Grandpa and grandma are the people who raised her. Please provide details of how they explained her mother's departure and father's death to her.

3. Please describe her current outlook on life. Was she raised in an indulged manner, or did she receive disciplinary guidance?

Please describe her ability to cope.

4. Your current views on your ex-husband and his parents have not changed. When discussing how they treated you in the past with your friends, how would they describe your emotional state? Are you calm, angry, resentful, or peaceful?

We recommend the following methods for your consideration:

Your initial assessment was correct. When your child reaches adulthood, it is advisable to disclose the full facts. By that time, she will have matured, developed the capacity for independent thought, and gained the ability to make sound judgments. She will then be an adult capable of taking responsibility for her actions.

It is important to recognize that life's plans are not always able to adapt to changes. Your daughter's initiative to contact you to gain clarity has disrupted the arrangements you had initially considered. How can you effectively communicate the truth in a way that minimizes its impact? When you request the truth, it is an opportunity to re-evaluate and potentially reshape the relationship between you and your daughter.

It would be advisable to refrain from answering her questions directly. The fact that she contacted you indicates that she needs you and wants to trust you. She is doubting what she currently knows. It would be beneficial to ascertain what she is doubting. If you were unable to provide your child with the love of a mother for various reasons in the past, now that she is older, she is aware of how to seek the truth. Does she desire the love and assistance of her mother? Through this contact, you can gradually investigate the child's thoughts.

Once you have determined that she is capable of accepting the truth and that you can communicate what happened without resentment, it is time for you and your child to meet to discuss the events of that year and address any outstanding emotional issues.

Your description will have a significant impact on her. Addressing the issue of how to face the grandparents who raised you is also a crucial aspect of the problem that requires your attention. It's important to note that simply telling her the truth will not resolve the matter. If you are unable to continue facing the challenges together with her, disclosing the truth may potentially exacerbate the situation. Therefore, before disclosing the truth, it is essential to carefully consider your options. These include protecting her and assuming her mother's responsibilities or maintaining distance and allowing her to navigate the situation independently.

We hope that the above methods will be of assistance to you.

Please be aware that implementing change will require time and patience. There is no need to worry or be afraid, as many people are experiencing or have experienced similar problems.

Please be assured that I am here to support you. You are not alone in this. I hope that you will find a solution to your problems soon and that you will be able to achieve a state of comfort.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have liked and provided feedback. I wish you continued success and happiness.

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story. It's a great reminder that we should be grateful for the good things in our lives.

From what you've said, I can see you're caught between wanting to tell your child what happened and worrying that the details will have a negative effect on her. It's a tough spot to be in. Sending hugs your way!

Let's discuss this together.

1. Get to the heart of why your child is acting the way they are.

Your child is now 12 years old and has reached out to you to learn more about the past. Try to view your child's actions from their perspective and understand their motivation for seeking this information. Once you grasp why your child wants to know these things, you'll be better equipped to respond.

Kids at this age still have some sense of independence, like half-grown adults. They feel like they're old enough to take on some responsibilities. They need to feel secure within themselves and want to be sure that their parents love and value them. This helps them be confident and secure within themselves and dare to face the world.

The child's parents divorced when she was two years old. The parent who couldn't always be there felt that the child didn't matter, wasn't cute, and wasn't wanted. The child's father remarried and then committed suicide. The child has experienced all of this, and now she wants to know for sure whether she is loved, what happened to her parents, and whether it was because of her that these things happened.

2. Let the child think from another person's perspective.

If you dwell on the negative aspects of the situation and don't let go, your emotions and opinions will inevitably come through in how you explain it to your child. This is how your concerns about the impact on your child come to pass.

Then you can explain some of the facts about your decision to divorce at the time, just the facts, without any emotions or personal opinions. Explain them as you have heard and seen them, so that your child can put herself in your shoes and ask how she would choose if it were her.

When kids feel, experience, and make choices, they can understand how you felt at the time and see that your choices were yours to make. They'll also know that it's not their fault, but that their parents have the right to choose their own lives and happiness.

You can also show your kids how to make good choices when faced with things. At the same time, show them you care. This way, you can spend more time with them and they'll feel your love.

3. Move on.

No matter what happened in the past, how the father of your children treated you, or how your ex-in-laws treated you, with this experience, even though the marriage is over, we need to sum up this marriage. What did you lack in this marriage, and how did you make decisions and choices at certain moments?

You can only encounter new possibilities in life and avoid repeating such problems in the future by recognizing your inner lack and changing yourself.

Some people and things from the past are hard to forgive, but we just have to learn to let go and move on. This is about letting yourself move on and not letting the past hold you back. Focus on yourself, grow yourself, and improve yourself.

Your future will only get better, and so will your children's.

I hope my answer is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

If a couple can't continue living together because of excessive parental interference, they can choose to separate to avoid having to face and deal with the problems. But the child is the most innocent party, so it's important to arrange things properly for them.

Just follow your heart.

The questioner and his partner divorced when their child was more than two years old. The main reason for the divorce was that the questioner's partner was a mama's boy, and the in-laws interfered excessively in the lives of the questioner and his partner. This caused the questioner to have many conflicts with his in-laws and also affected the couple's relationship because of their relationship with the in-laws.

It's pretty common for couples in many families to not get along. They often end up hurting each other, but they stay together because they think it's best for their kids. This kind of intimacy isn't real, and it doesn't just make the couple uncomfortable. It also shows up in how they interact with their kids, who are growing up and noticing these things.

The questioner chose to divorce his partner. It's clear that he can't change the mother-in-law's partner or stop his in-laws from interfering in his marriage. In a marriage where there's no hope, continuing will only waste each other's time pursuing the life they want. It's better to stop in time.

I'm not sure how to be completely honest.

The questioner's ex-husband also divorced the questioner after remarrying. Four years after the divorce, the questioner heard that the ex-husband had committed suicide because his current wife had conflicts with his family again. Even though they are divorced, hearing this kind of information is still somewhat shocking for the questioner. After all, they were once familiar partners and the father of their child.

It seems that the questioner's ex-husband chose to use this method. On the one hand, he used this extreme method to tell his parents that he wanted to get away from their control over him. On the other hand, it represented his powerlessness. Even though he wanted to get away from his parents' control, he was unable to face and solve the problem. In the end, he could only escape and choose not to face anything anymore.

I thought that everything would fade with time, but then the child called and said that she wanted to know what had happened in the past. This really bothered the original poster because she had always felt that the child was too young to be involved in the problems between adults. Even if the child thought that she had been abandoned, the original poster didn't feel like explaining too much.

Should the truth be told to the child?

Kids are individuals. They're first and foremost themselves, and only then are they our kids. They shouldn't have to carry the burden of their parents' problems. Kids who want to understand the problems between their parents can be explained to appropriately.

☀️ Choose to respect: In the past, the question owner didn't want her child to be exposed to negative things so that she could grow up in a physically and mentally healthy environment. She therefore preferred to be misunderstood by her child rather than explain herself. As the child grows up, she understands how the relatives she comes into contact with are and knows what the atmosphere in her family is like.

The fact that the child has come to you now shows that she wants to know the truth. She also wants to know whether you made the choice to separate or whether it had something to do with other people. The child also has the right to know the truth, and you have chosen to respect your child.

☀️Respect each other: The questioner's ex-husband is a pretty pitiful guy. It seems like the pitiful often have something to be hated. His parents wanted to control him, and he couldn't get away from them. He tried to rebel, but he couldn't do it on his own. So he obeyed his parents and didn't have his own opinions. He stood by his parents and did what they asked.

Finally, he used a lighthearted, self-deprecating way to explain that he didn't want to live like this anymore. The questioner can calmly explain the truth to the child, stop letting past events affect their emotions, and let the child know that the parents' conflicts come more from the interference of others. It's not that the questioner doesn't want to change, but that only the questioner alone cannot change everyone.

Not making herself suffer any more is respecting herself. Telling the child the truth about her father's situation is respecting him, not blaming him. It's letting the child know that her parents' problems have nothing to do with her and that even if they can't live together, they'll always love her.

Parent-child interaction: Even the question asker has a hard time getting along with her ex-husband's parents. Given that the child grew up with a controlling grandmother, it's likely that the question asker's child will become the second child's father.

The child is contacting the questioner because she wants to know the truth and also because she needs care and love. Conflicts between adults shouldn't affect the child. As the child's parents, they should also consider the child's needs more. The child has already lost her father, and the love that she needs from her parents can only be provided by the questioner.

It's best to spend more time with your child, engage in more parent-child interactions, and show your love and care for your child with practical actions. This way, your child can learn a different perspective from your correct values.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question. Best regards,

It can be both nerve-wracking and heartbreaking when your child suddenly asks about the past. In such a situation, you need to find a way to respond to her that is gentle and sincere. You could start with something like this:

"My dear, you know that every adult has their own way of dealing with things. Sometimes these ways are not perfect and can even hurt people. Let me be clear: your father and I separated because we loved you and wanted what was best for you.

We came to the realization that we might not be the ideal couple to live together. Everyone faces challenges and difficulties in their growth process, and our family is no exception.

"But most importantly, your mom and dad's love for you has never changed and will never diminish."

Then, you can introduce some facts, but remember to use language that your child can understand and avoid too many negative details.

"Your father later encountered new challenges, and those challenges were too heavy for him. He was unable to find a way to overcome them. His departure was a huge blow to everyone, including your grandparents.

They may also be dealing with the pain of losing a loved one in their own way. People in deep grief often find it difficult to change or reflect.

Now, let's talk about the positive and hopeful part.

"But, baby, life goes on. We can learn from past experiences, become stronger, and learn how to love more. I have been waiting for the right moment to tell you this in the best way, because I want you to remember that life has its share of both sweet and bitter moments, and most importantly, we have each other and love.

You are my most precious treasure. I will face the future with you, my dear daughter, because I know that together we can overcome anything.

Finally, give her an open space and let her know that she can share her feelings and questions with you at any time.

"If you have any questions or want to know more, I'm here. I'm willing to talk with you slowly and little by little until you feel comfortable. You're not alone. We can go through this journey together."

This demonstrates your love and care, provides a balanced explanation of the past, and leaves room for future communication, ensuring your child feels safe and supported.

Hello! I've read your description, and I'm so impressed by your love and care for your child. Even though you haven't been with her for 10 years, it's clear that you're still there for her every step of the way. When she asked about the past, you "didn't want to tell him these negative things," which shows how much you care about protecting her.

It's so important to understand how to protect our children and help them develop and grow up healthily. It's the starting point for all actions, and it's a great place to start!

Children are innocent and full of potential. They are separated from their mothers at the age of two, and their fathers leave in extraordinary ways when they are six years old. This gives them the opportunity to experience different ways of life. In addition, you can also imagine how your child has been described by their mother as they grow up.

At the age of 12, she has already begun to enter puberty, and her sense of independence is gradually growing stronger. This is an amazing time for her! She wants to find out why she lost her parents. This is very important for her self-awareness, "who I am," and also has a significant impact on the formation of her values.

First and foremost, you have a wonderful opportunity to connect with your child and communicate with her in a positive way. This could also be a chance to strengthen your relationship with her. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Children aged 1 to 12 know so much! Don't ever think that she doesn't understand things. You should tell her what happened in an objective and impartial way, without any personal bias.

2. What is objective and fair is a statement of facts. You can talk about your feelings, for example: "I feel XXX." Talk less about subjective opinions, for example: "I think your father is XXX, and your grandparents are XXX." Let your child accept the facts in her mind, and she will come to her own understanding. As she grows older, she will continue to gain new insights—it's so exciting to see her learning and growing!

3. It's so important to help your child develop a sense of independence and self-reliance. Everyone is an individual, and everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness. Everyone has the right to their own independent views. It's such a joy to guide your child to develop a correct sense of right and wrong, but be careful to distinguish between what is socially accepted as right and wrong and what is your opinion.

Guide her to be positive and healthy, to distinguish right from wrong through her own learning, and to pursue her own happiness through her own efforts. She can do it!

4. You can tell your child that you are sorry for not giving her the love she deserves over the past 10 years, although there were reasons for it. But have you always been thinking about her and what to expect?

If you can gradually show your true feelings and let your child feel your love, I truly believe it will be the best thing for both of you!

5. Finally, the child may have some views about you in their mind, and some of them may even be negative views that you consider to be wrong. But don't worry! You can handle this. Remain emotionally stable, don't argue or force your opinions, and state the facts and your feelings, as well as the reasons for your decision.

I'm sure it's going to be great!

It's so important to handle the sensitive and complex issue of why the parents are divorcing with care. I've got some great suggestions to help you explain to your child what happened in the past in an appropriate way and minimize the negative impact on your child.

Let your child know that no matter what happens, you will always love her unconditionally. Tell her that you will always be there for her, no matter what her parents are going through.

This is the most important message to reassure and support the child.

It's important to keep things simple when you're explaining the reasons for the divorce to your 12-year-old. They might not be able to understand overly complicated family disputes and details, so it's best to keep it straightforward!

You can briefly explain that mum and dad can no longer continue living together for some reason, but that these reasons are between adults and have nothing to do with the child. Avoid mentioning violence and specific conflicts to keep the conversation positive and constructive.

Be sure to highlight all of the great efforts and attempts that have been made after the divorce! You can tell your child that although Mum and Dad have separated, both of you have been working hard to make positive changes for her well-being.

For example, you can mention that you had tried to smooth things over with your ex-in-laws, and that your father had also tried to adapt to the new situation.

Now, let's talk about Dad's death. You can explain it in a gentle way, like this: Dad encountered some difficulties in life that he may not have handled well, which ultimately led to an unfortunate outcome.

Let's make sure we emphasize that this is a very sad event, but that it has absolutely nothing to do with the child herself.

Let your child know how special and loved she is! Tell her how precious and valuable she is to you.

No matter what has happened in the past, she is and always will be part of your family! You will always love and support her!

It's so important to encourage your child to ask questions and express their feelings. During the communication process, encourage your child to ask questions and try to answer them in a positive and constructive way.

Also, be sure to pay attention to your child's emotional response and give her plenty of support and comfort!

Seek professional support! If you feel you can't cope on your own or are worried about your child's reaction, consider seeking help from a psychologist or child psychologist. They can help!

They can provide more specific advice and support, which is great!

It's so important to be gentle, brief, and positive when you're talking to your child about sensitive issues like divorce and the death of a parent. It's all about showing her how much you love and support her, and that these events aren't about her personally.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. Life is such a beautiful journey! It's not just about appreciating it, but really embracing it and allowing it to blossom.

It's natural to feel your child's love and protection, but it can also be surprising when they suddenly ask questions about things you didn't expect. Let's take a look at what's going on.

First, I just want to confirm two things. It looks like the child lives with his ex-husband and now with his grandparents. You used the pronouns "he" and "she" for the child, so I'm wondering if it's a daughter?

1. When a child asks these questions, they're really trying to tell you something important.

Twelve-year-olds are such a fascinating age! They're going through puberty, which is a time of great change and growth. They have a natural curiosity about themselves and others, and they're eager to explore who they are and how they fit into the world.

Secondly, they think they know a lot and have even started to care about their parents' affairs, especially when your child is in such a special family environment like this. It's totally understandable! Divorce, a stepmother, and a father's suicide are all things that could become traumatic for a child.

It's so understandable that your child is suddenly asking you what happened in the past. He has such clear memories of his father's suicide when he was just 6 or 7 years old.

You, your stepmother, and your in-laws had some disagreements, and the children were caught in the middle. It's understandable that they were affected and a bit disturbed by it all. However, as a young child, he did not understand why all this was happening and what it meant.

Now that he thinks he's all grown up, he's ready to find out the truth. He's wondering why you got divorced, why his dad committed suicide, and what happened to the family relationship.

2. It's so important to remember that if we as parents haven't had the chance to heal, our children will pick up on it and it will affect them.

Psychological counseling is a great way to help your child. Many cases involving adolescents show us that the symptoms your child is showing are actually a reflection of the problems in your relationship and family.

So, your little one might be sending you a distress signal. They might want to escape from a home that is full of (grandparents') control. It's totally normal for kids to feel torn between conflicting emotions. They just want love and care, and they want to come back to you.

As a first step, you might like to meet with your child on your own to bond, and then gradually tell him about what happened between you and his father.

Depending on how he's doing, you can share some information or even avoid certain topics. It's important to stay objective and impartial, and to avoid negating or criticizing his father, stepmother, or even grandparents.

If you think it would help, you can look into family therapy, like family systems arrangement, to support your child with psychological counseling. It's like going to the hospital. Not everyone who goes to the hospital is a patient, right? It could also be a health check-up.

It's so sad, but with all your heart, he has already lost his father. Let him feel the love from his mother, unconditional love and acceptance. The child will not be lonely and will be full of strength. It is worth the effort and thought.

I really hope this helps! Sending you lots of love ?

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a counselor who can make images speak.

The child's mother divorced and left her child when he was more than two years old. Now that the child is 12 years old, she contacted the mother and wanted to know why her parents divorced. She needs to hear the truth.

The original poster is torn up about this issue because she believes divorce, suicide, and being controlled by parents are all bad. If we decide these are bad, no matter how we tell our child, the message will be negative. The problem is not how we tell our child, but whether we can change our mindset. We need to let our child know that everyone has the right to pursue happiness.

When she was 2, her mother disappeared. When she was 4, her father disappeared. She accepted this. Now that she is 12, she wants to understand why her biological parents left. She needs to know that her parents' choices don't make her a bad person. As a parent, you also need to face the consequences of your actions.

For a sensitive child going through puberty, it's more important to help them distinguish right from wrong than anything else. Punishing yourself for someone else's mistakes is stupid.

As adults, we can leave people and situations we don't like. As a child, she needs to rely on adults who may make her uncomfortable to survive. Now, she wants to know what happened to make her unable to be with the parents who gave her life. Listen to how your child views these things. Don't deny her judgment. Tell your child what you were facing back then and exchange ideas about what choice she would make if she were you.

The true meaning of life is self-knowledge and growth. Explore your inner world and discover your true meaning. Take on responsibilities and obligations. Contribute to your family, society, and country. Value yourself. Dad left, but mom can make amends. Your child's questions can repair your relationship. Don't complain or pass the buck. Take back your responsibilities as a parent.

Best wishes!

Hello, questioner! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help!

Your child is now 12 years old, and it's so important for her to know what happened between you and her father back then.

You can be honest with your child and tell her that it was because you and her father did not get along that you eventually chose to get a divorce. This is a great opportunity to explain to her that you and her father simply grew apart and that you both love her very much!

And you must emphasize to your daughter that her divorce with her father is not her fault.

You can even tell her about her father's suicide! Although he later remarried, he still had a lot of family conflicts with his new wife. At that time, her father felt so much pain that he chose to end his life; but this really has nothing to do with her at all!

Then tell your daughter the great news! You want her to know the truth about the divorce between her father and you.

Then it is best to tell the child that no matter what happens in the future, you, as her mother, will always be her rock and support, and that she can talk to you about anything that's on her mind!

If your child is not very good at expressing themselves verbally, it is a great idea to take her to see a professional counselor! Look for one who specializes in sandplay therapy for children.

The great thing about sandplay therapy is that the counselor will use a relaxed method, like drawing, to help your daughter express her true thoughts and feelings about her parents' divorce.

Knowing what your child is thinking now is the key to helping her!

I'm really hopeful that you'll be able to solve your problem soon!

Now, all I can think of is the above!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner! I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

Yippee!