Almost 40, why don't my parents still acknowledge that having independent thought is a good thing?

Dear questioner, I empathize with your feelings of helplessness. I'm here to support you and offer encouragement.

Please take care of yourself.

I am pleased to hear that you have embraced your own sense of independence. It is admirable that you have not allowed your parents' views to influence your own judgment.

From what you have said, it seems that you also really hope that your parents can feel gratified and understand your sense of independence. When faced with some of your parents' views, you expressed your feelings in a brave and open way, but it seems that you did not receive the response you were hoping for.

It seems that you have changed, but your parents have remained the same. I would like to commend you for your courage in the face of this challenge.

It is possible that your parents' response is the beginning of a process of re-understanding you. While the process may seem difficult, every small step is important.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some of the ideas that parents may have held in the past.

Our views and concepts of things are deeply imprinted in everyone's hearts by past life experiences. In the past, these old concepts of parents may have allowed them to better live in the context of that era (even if these concepts seem absurd to us now). It might take some time to get parents to change their minds, and we should be patient.

It may be helpful to seek additional support for ourselves.

When we make a new change, we naturally want to share it with the people closest to us first. Unfortunately, there may be differences in opinion, and they may not be able to fully understand our feelings. The good news is that there are many other people in our lives who we can connect with. We can gradually build new and positive relationships, such as meeting new friends, lovers, or joining a supportive community. Reading a good book or raising a small animal can also be enjoyable ways to connect with others.

It may be more straightforward to change ourselves than to change others. It's worth considering sticking to what we believe in, continuing to do the right thing, and having faith that things will gradually improve.

I hope the above information is helpful to you. I am a camera-loving snap T, and I appreciate your consideration. Thank you for reading, and I wish you well.

Hello. It seems that your parents still see you as dependent and treat you with a rigid mindset.

However, your parents don't understand or respect your desire for independence, which makes you frustrated and affects your relationships with others.

Some parents in traditional Chinese society try to control their children. They think they are caring, obedient, and understanding, but they are not. Parents and children do not see each other as equals. This makes parents dominant and children subordinate.

When children are young, they rely on their parents and do what they say. This seems harmonious. But when children grow up and want to be independent, parents who don't change can't accept this. They try to keep control by putting down their children.

This pattern is usually related to their own upbringing. They may not have been treated as equal and independent individuals in their own families, nor have they seen different examples in society. They believe that they are the good standards.

Children in these families often lack object constancy, which makes it hard for them to be independent. They need constant confirmation from their parents to feel secure.

It's also harder to trust others because you don't have a stable internal object. Negative emotions from the outside can make you evaluate others and yourself negatively.

Don't expect your parents to change. Focus on what you can do for yourself to gain independence. Believe that you are responsible for your own life. Think for yourself.

You can still talk to your parents about your feelings and thoughts. If they disagree, you can say, "I respect your opinions, but I need to live according to my own wishes.

You can make friends and build relationships at any age. Look for people to meet at work, school, clubs, or in your neighborhood.

Hello, I'd like to offer you a 360-degree hug if you'd like.

Regarding your dilemma, it seems that your mother has already provided insight into why your parents are reluctant to acknowledge your independence. She suggested that if you can handle it, you should try to manage your own affairs without relying on them too heavily.

Perhaps what your mother is trying to convey is that if you ask for their guidance, they will feel a sense of responsibility to keep an eye on you. However, if you make your own decisions without seeking their input, they may feel less inclined to monitor your actions.

Naturally, if you truly refrain from seeking their guidance and instead make your own decisions, your parents may initially feel uneasy. However, as long as you maintain your resolve and continue to make your own choices, they will eventually come to accept that they cannot control you as much as they once could. They will recognize that you have matured and are capable of making your own decisions.

It is possible that they may still argue and try to control you, but they cannot change the fact that you are independent.

From your description, it seems that you have some difficulty asking your parents for advice. It's understandable that you might imagine that they won't respond positively to your ideas, especially if they conflict with their own. It's natural to want to listen to yourself, but it's also important to consider your parents' perspective. When we don't listen to them, it can lead to confusion and frustration. It's only natural to feel this way.

It might be said that you and your parents have together created a relationship that is not entirely comfortable for either of you.

It seems that you use seeking approval from your parents as a criterion for whether you have an independent mind. However, in the eyes of your parents, your seeking approval is a sign that you are not independent.

This can create a vicious cycle: when we seek approval, we may lose sight of our own independence, and our parents may perceive us as less independent. Additionally, when our parents offer advice or support, we may feel dependent on them for guidance.

If they don't provide resources or advice, you may have to learn to deal with it independently. But they still provide resources and support you in not being independent, even though they still don't approve of you.

It's similar to the situation of some people who live off their parents for many years because their parents are aware that they can do so. Parents may verbally express their concerns about and scold their children for living off them, but in their actions they still provide them with money, clothing, food, and housing, and cooperate with their behavior of living off them.

Then he can continue to express his thoughts on the matter.

Perhaps the same logic applies to your relationship with your parents. It's possible that you don't want to be independent, so you ask your parents to participate in your lack of independence. It seems that your parents comply with your wishes, while also verbally discouraging your independence but supporting your lack of independence with their actions.

And that is the current situation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what you might gain if you were to become more independent. For instance, you might find that you no longer have to make decisions yourself, which could free up your time and energy to focus on other things.

For example, parental nagging is often also a sign of love. Another example is being able to pass the buck, it's all because of them, I'm not independent, etc.

You might like to consider asking yourself…

I often find myself drawn to Buddhist teachings and sometimes feel a bit pessimistic. I try to be a positive influence when I can, and I believe that the world is a beautiful place.

My dear friend, I can sense your confusion and pain. It is undoubtedly challenging to navigate a situation where your parents seem to lack understanding and support. It is natural for everyone to desire recognition and encouragement from their parents as they grow and develop.

It would be beneficial to delve deeper into the attitudes your parents have towards you and their views on independence and boundaries.

Attachment theory offers insight into how early parent-child relationships can influence an individual's emotional development and relationships. It delves into the patterns of interaction between parents and children and how these interactions can shape our self-perception.

It is possible that your parents may express disapproval of your independence for various reasons, such as their own upbringing, their own education, or their own understanding of independence. It is also possible that they may not have fully adjusted to the fact that you have grown into an independent person. They may still view you in the old way, which may be a way for them to express their love, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

It is also possible that their reactions reflect their fear of change and their concern about losing control. It may be the case that parents are not aware of the impact of their words and actions on you, or that they are unsure of how to express their support and encouragement to you.

This could be a sign that they lack psychological knowledge, or it could be a result of their own psychological defense mechanisms.

It is possible that the way your parents have reacted to you, for example by trivializing your unemployment or not taking your feelings seriously, may have made you feel rejected and isolated. It may reflect a conflict between their expectations of you and the reality.

It is possible that they believe that by belittling your feelings, they can motivate you to become more independent. However, this often has the opposite effect and causes you to feel misunderstood and isolated.

Your value is not determined by the approval of others, but rather by your own actions, your perception of yourself, and how you treat others. Your independent thoughts and actions are worthy of respect and represent your growth and self-realization.

It may be helpful for parents to learn how to understand and respect your independence, as well as how to establish healthy boundaries.

In this situation, it might be helpful to communicate more deeply with our parents, express our feelings and needs, and at the same time try to understand their position and feelings. When you feel tired, you might consider putting down your work for a while and giving yourself a short break.

We have the option of engaging in activities that we enjoy to relax our minds. It is beneficial to our well-being to take the time to relax and rest, as this helps us to face challenges with greater resilience.

It's possible that we all have our own unique strengths, but we may sometimes fail to notice them. It might be helpful to try to discover your own strengths and give yourself recognition.

When we encounter difficulties and challenges, we can draw on our strengths and specialties to find the motivation to keep going. As we grow up, it can be helpful to appreciate our achievements, even the small ones.

Such self-appreciation can also encourage us to persevere in our efforts.

Self-growth is a long and challenging process. Along the way, we may face a number of difficulties and challenges. However, with the right mindset and approach, we can make continuous progress and ultimately achieve our dreams.

Every effort should be acknowledged, and every moment of effort should be respected. Feedback, attention, and praise are not only forms of recognition, but also incentives.

Such feedback can be likened to spring rain nourishing our hearts, providing us with further motivation to pursue excellence and create more value.

You might find it helpful to read "The Power of Habit" and "Self-Control."

Good day, my name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou Shou'ou.

I empathize with the questioner's situation and wish I could offer them a hug.

It is understandable that parents may be limited by their own growth experiences and the way they were brought up. They may also be used to adopting a demeaning and controlling communication style. This is not necessarily wrong, but it does not mean that the questioner is wrong either.

The questioner is approaching 40 years old, a time when one's social circle is widening. Parents, on the other hand, are getting older and approaching the age of loss, when friends and careers are gradually dwindling. It is only natural to hope that children will listen to them, follow their wishes, and keep them company.

People who have experienced significant challenges may initially find it challenging to fully comprehend the anxieties of contemporary individuals. They may perceive such concerns as somewhat exaggerated. For instance, at the end of last year, a colleague of mine sustained a broken arm. His supervisor advised him to first complete all his work and then seek medical attention. He maintained that it was not a major issue. When I broke my arm that year, I followed a similar approach. It's possible that the parents of the questioner may not fully empathize with their child's situation. This could be attributed to their own life experiences.

It would be beneficial for you to learn about mental health, but it wasn't a popular topic during the era when your parents were living. It's understandable that they may not have had the same level of awareness. When a person's thinking becomes fixed, it can be challenging for them to accept new knowledge. Learning often requires a significant investment of time and effort.

Parents often express their love for their children in ways that are comfortable for them, but they may not always consider whether their children want or need that love in the same way. For example, when it comes to unemployment, parents may mean well when they say it's okay to lose a job and find a new one, but the words they use can sometimes be hurtful.

When faced with challenging circumstances, it's natural to feel overwhelmed. It can be difficult to process our emotions when we're surrounded by loved ones, who may have different perspectives and ways of supporting us. It's important to remember that everyone handles challenges in their own way, and it's okay to seek guidance and support from those around us.

It can be helpful to try to separate the issues and distinguish between what your parents' opinions are and what the reality is that you have to face. It's important to remember that parents are not always right, especially parents with fixed ways of thinking.

It might be helpful to recognize that you are already independent. You may find it beneficial to remind yourself, even if your parents don't fully acknowledge it, that you have grown up and have the ability to think independently. It could be valuable to trust your own judgment and act courageously.

It may be helpful to recognize the limitations of your parents and consider responding to their comments and demands in a way that is respectful and firm, even if it is difficult to speak up the first time. With time and effort, your parents may gradually adapt, and the relationship may enter a new balance.

It might be helpful to consider your parents' actions in light of their words. Some people may not learn to speak kindly throughout their lives, and while they may be sharp-tongued, they may also be soft-hearted.

It might be helpful to focus on the actions rather than the language, as this could help the questioner feel more positive.

Parents are the authority and guardians of their children. We will always be children in our parents' hearts. As we acknowledge our children's independence, we may find ourselves acknowledging our own aging process or experiencing a shift in our sense of control over our children. This can sometimes lead to feelings of loneliness. When our children are unwilling to face this transition, they may turn to blame others.

It might be helpful to try to love yourself. As it says in "5% Change," it's not your fault that you were traumatized, but it is your responsibility to recover.

You might like to consider telling yourself that the future is still long, that you want to be the master of your own destiny, and that you should say no to your parents' unreasonable ways.

There are many ways to change. The questioner might also consider keeping an emotional diary, reading psychology books, seeking help from a psychological counselor, a listening therapist, a heart exploration coach for one-on-one chat (not a counselor), and so on. I believe there are many ways to find a path that suits you.

You might find it helpful to read the following books: The Courage to Be Disliked, 5% Change, When You Start Loving Yourself, the World Will Love You Back, and Living a Life You Don't Control.

I wish you the best!

Good day. I can see that you have your own thoughts and concerns, but your parents seem to prioritize obedience over independent thinking. They appear to downplay your concerns about unemployment and seem indifferent to them.

It is possible that your distress is not recognized by your parents. You may feel that you are being neglected and unappreciated, which can lead to feelings of distress, helplessness, and low self-esteem.

This sentiment stems from your parents' approach. The lack of guidance and support can lead to feelings of frustration. It is natural for individuals to seek the support and guidance of their parents, and when this is not forthcoming, it can result in feelings of disappointment and sadness.

From the parents' perspective, they are reluctant to relinquish control over their children.

The majority of parents hope that their children will follow the path they have set out for them. Once they notice that the children have strayed from the path, they will try every means to bring them back on track. However, they often ignore the true thoughts of their children. Parents frequently like to stand on the moral high ground to judge their children, thinking that their children must obey unconditionally.

From the perspective of parents, their children will never mature and will always require protection. Frequently, parents are unaware of the harm their actions have caused their children.

It is recommended that you communicate with your parents in an honest and open manner, expressing your feelings and allowing them to gain insight into your true inner feelings.

Communication is the first step to resolving conflicts. It is important to accept your emotions and not allow your parents' attitude to affect your self-esteem.

It is important to remember that everyone has the right to choose their own life path, and parents have no right to interfere. It is essential to learn to value yourself and cultivate self-confidence.

It is important to continuously enhance your personal growth and potential through activities such as reading, learning, and participation in various endeavors. This will help you to become a more robust individual. It is also essential to maintain a balanced relationship with your parents. This entails recognizing and respecting each other's perspectives, identifying shared interests and goals, and fostering a healthier relationship.

Best regards,

Have you ever wondered why so many parents feel that their children will reject them once they have independent thoughts? It's because at this time, children will break away from their parents' control, which can make them feel unwanted. But there's a way to avoid this! Many parents will suppress their children through suppressive education, so that the other party cannot leave them.

1. Learn to be self-confident when you are not recognized by others. It's an amazing feeling to know that you can stand on your own two feet and be proud of who you are!

When we were young, we had to be sensible and obedient because we didn't have the experience to do otherwise. Making mistakes is a process we all go through, and it's all part of the journey! We also did it to please our parents and make them proud of us. As we get older, we realize that many things are not as simple as we think. What we need is not blame or help, but rather the hope that they can see our growth and give us their affirmation, along with a certain amount of listening and encouragement. Things don't always go as we wish, but that's okay! When we are not understood and questioned, it is better to learn to affirm ourselves first.

Our parents may not understand, but we can be sure that what we have already done will not be in vain. Our experiences are also a kind of wealth that will bring us certain benefits. Therefore, we can find a place where we are truly needed and give play to our value!

2. When you're tired, give yourself some time and space. You've got this! Don't push yourself too hard.

You've had a lot on your plate, and it's time to treat yourself! When you're feeling tired, treat yourself to something nice or go for a walk and enjoy the fresh air. Life is about more than just making money — you should also learn to spend money! Since others don't know how to care for themselves, you should learn to take care of yourself first. They don't understand how hard you work, but you know yourself well, so be kind to yourself. It's okay to occasionally indulge in something you've been wanting to buy or a place you've dreamed of visiting.

3. You're actually very good! You just haven't noticed it yet.

If you've been marking time for so many years, you might think you're getting worse and worse. But you're not! You're making progress, even if you don't always notice it. Especially under high pressure, there's more to be found in the negative. So let's take a step back and take a look! Some of the things that make you feel good can be recorded in different ways, and the bad things can be analyzed to avoid falling in the same place multiple times. Life is an experience, and it takes different experiences to feel the bittersweetness of life. A static life is like a pool of stagnant water, but we can create ripples for ourselves!

I'm Mo Xiaofan, your personal heart exploration coach! If you have any questions or just want to chat, you can check out the heart exploration service on your personal page.

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. I hug you!

You're almost 40, but your parents won't accept that you have your own thoughts.

Parents see us as children who have not grown up.

They were afraid you'd stop doing what they wanted if you had your own mind.

They're afraid you'll stop loving them if you become independent.

Tell your parents you'll still love them even if you're old and independent.

Your father never approved of you.

This is about his family.

His parents may not have approved of him when he was growing up.

He doesn't know how to recognize you after being influenced by them for so long.

He doesn't know how to recognize you.

Psychology says we can't give what we don't have.

Parents grew up in a different era, so they may not accept your ideas.

I suggest you make more friends.

Talk to them when you have problems.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you!

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