Always concerned about others' feelings, unable to express true emotions?

There's no right or wrong here. You're also trying to protect yourself. You might feel your attack power is weak, so you can get through this more peacefully.

It's good to be cautious, but you also want to protect yourself from being hurt. Now that you understand how others hurt you, it's only fair that you consider how your actions might hurt others in return.

It's also not right for others to hurt you.

The fact that you can express it shows that you're aware of it, but improvement is a long process.

My view is that you should take some time to write down your true thoughts so that you can see them for yourself. You can then dispose of them afterwards if you don't want others to see them. Organise what you want to say to others and write it down in a way that suits you right now, relatively calmly.

Pick what you can accept in the middle and try to express it. If not, there's no need to say anything.

Just try again when you're ready to express yourself.

I think it's best to express your dissatisfaction calmly. It might be challenging for others, but based on your habits, you have an advantage.

You're also kind and a little scared of awe, if I may say so.

Take a moment to reflect on your own thoughts and actions, even if it's not always easy to do so. It's important not to be too hard on yourself. Our habits are shaped by a variety of factors, and there's no one-size-fits-all definition of what's reasonable or unreasonable, what should or shouldn't be done. At the same time, different situations can be interpreted in different ways.

Since it's relative and based on your own feelings, you can choose your own tendency.

It's counterproductive to blame yourself, and it's also risky to burn yourself out.

It's best to make improvements gradually. If the ups and downs are too extreme, it can be overwhelming and risky to lose your balance.

It'll take some time. It'll take more energy to get through this than it did to get to this point, and that energy will also take a while to come through.

As the old saying goes, you did your best for yourself at that moment.

You gave it your best shot.

Be patient. Some people never improve. You've identified your strengths, but you also have weaknesses, and other people have their own problems. So you have to try.

Hello, dear questioner!

From what you've told me, it seems like you've put yourself in the role of a caregiver (pleaser). I can only imagine that you may have had some past experiences that have made you more inclined to take on this role in your interpersonal interactions.

There's no right or wrong here. This is just a way of interacting that makes you feel safe and at ease.

It's totally normal to empathize with others and try to understand them. But sometimes, this can be a sign that you're not fully trusting yourself or the other person in the relationship. When you put the other person in a position where they need to be taken care of, it might be a subconscious way of feeling that they're weaker than you. But on the surface, it can seem like you're putting the other person first, when really, you're just trying to maintain your own safety. There are a few reasons why this might happen. For example, there's the possibility of a relationship breakdown, the other person's disapproval (if you really express it), or that you have a need for something (you can try to perceive what that is).

But you're not putting yourself in a high position either. You also say that you look down on and loathe yourself, so this is actually two sides of the same coin. This is because there is a hidden part of yourself that needs care and attention, and every time you don't want to be the one to take care of yourself.

So, what can I do to help? I think you may be waiting for someone who cares about you and understands you, and treats you the way you treat others.

I'm sure you know better than I do what the reason is.

Finally, answer this: Under normal circumstances, people should completely consider themselves first, right? I'd love to know why you don't have this sense at all!

Answer: People are wonderfully diverse, and under normal circumstances, people will choose to interact in a way that suits them (feels safe and familiar), so it's not necessarily so.

I've already shared my thoughts on this, but I'll say it again because it's important. You can learn more about your subconscious by being more aware. In the end, you have to do what you think is right. When it comes down to it, your deepest motivation will probably be your need for safety.

Warmest regards!

You seem to care too much about other people's feelings and needs. This is something many people experience. Don't be too hard on yourself.

There is no one answer to the question "In a normal situation, shouldn't people put themselves first?" because everyone's view of the balance between "self" and "other" is different.

Here are some suggestions to help you understand why you behave this way and how to change.

Reasons for being overly concerned about others:

This may be related to your upbringing. For example, your parents may have taught you to care about others.

Your personality may also be a factor. You may be naturally more sensitive and empathize with others.

It may also be related to your social anxiety. You may be afraid of conflict, so you choose to cater to others.

How to adjust:

Set boundaries. Speak up when your needs are ignored or violated.

Take care of yourself. Know your feelings and needs. Set goals and expectations for yourself. When you meet your needs, you will be more confident in dealing with others.

Learn to say no. If you feel that others' demands exceed your abilities or willingness, say no and explain your position. This does not mean you don't care about others.

Seek support if you find it difficult to change. A professional counselor can help you understand your behavior and emotions and give you advice.

Everyone has different values and ways of living. It is important to care about others, but also about yourself.

To have good relationships with others, you have to respect yourself.

Hello, question asker.

Being too cautious in your interactions with other people can really take it out of you.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Who did you interact with when you were a child?

Your parents have a big impact on how you act in social situations. It's likely that you've developed a personality that's geared towards pleasing others.

The two main goals are to seek approval and avoid anger.

For instance, you're afraid of saying the wrong thing in case your parents get angry and stop loving you. You find ways to be sensitive to their emotions so you can get praise, like for being sensible.

It's become a habit to take care of other people's feelings.

This is just how you've learned to navigate the world.

If you're feeling tired, it's a good idea to make a change.

If you're okay with doing this, you can keep going.

Taking other people's feelings into account shows that you have a strong sense of empathy. However, if you do this too much, it can cause internal conflict.

You might be disappointed if you spend too much time thinking about the words you send out and the other person only glances at them for a few seconds.

If you want to make a change, start with your beliefs.

You are just as important as everyone else, and we're all equal.

Your words may not have much of an impact on other people, or they may have a positive effect, or they may upset other people, or they may have no effect at all. There's no need to exaggerate yourself, and there's no need to belittle yourself.

If you're hurt, you also need to speak up.

They have no right to trample on other people's self-esteem.

Change "must" to "can." I have to take care of other people's feelings, but I can take care of other people's feelings, which means you can choose not to.

Some people may find it exhausting to care for others, but if you feel happy doing it, you can still do it. The key is having enough mental energy to support yourself. You don't need to expend yourself to meet other people's needs when you are already feeling sad, angry, or depressed.

Let's do this!

Hello. You've had an important realization in your self-exploration: sometimes there is no self, and you don't respect your own feelings enough. This makes it difficult to have healthy relationships, as you tend to focus on others and even take other people's feelings as your own responsibility.

I once listened to Wu Zhihong talk about a related topic, namely self-development. He also shared some personal insights, admitting that his ego hadn't developed very well and that he'd been struggling with self-esteem issues for a long time.

The "self" you mentioned with Wu Zhihong is a concept proposed by psychologist Kohut: the cohesive self. Kohut said that the formation of the cohesive self is a major step in the process of spiritual development and is also the key to emotional resilience. The stormy waves of emotions will only make the cohesive self shake, but it will not easily break apart.

Put simply, there's always an inner belief that "I'm basically good." So, when they get various external feedback, even if they're frustrated, they won't completely deny themselves or think that they "don't deserve it."

This self-development is also related to growth experiences. If kids in early childhood have their needs met and are well cared for, they can gain a sense of "my needs are good" and "I am good."

On the other hand, too much gratification can ruin the sense of boundaries, stop kids from setting boundaries between themselves and others, and make them think their own needs are more important than anyone else's. So, growing up means getting gratification but not being over-indulged, identifying with yourself and accepting the boundaries of others, so you can develop a more balanced self.

Maybe in the past, you didn't get the right kind of satisfaction, recognition, or boundaries, so you didn't know you could make demands or take care of your own feelings. Now, with your growth and exploration, you've discovered that this pattern causes problems and generated the motivation for change, which reflects the development of your "self."

While early childhood is crucial for psychological development, the good news is that people can continue to grow throughout their lives. This makes it an ideal time to start making changes.

It takes time to replace old experiences with new ones, though. You can start by paying attention to your emotions to understand your needs. Observe your emotions, record them, and think about the needs behind them.

For instance, if someone says something hurtful to you, it might make you feel angry, resentful, or ashamed. When you notice these emotions, you realize that you don't accept being treated this way and want the other person to respect you. Then, you need to encourage and recognize yourself, for example, by saying, "He and I are equal and independent individuals. I'm willing to respect him, and I deserve his respect."

If someone isn't treating me fairly, I can speak up and set boundaries. I do have a choice.

In addition to doing the above cognitive exercises regularly, I also make sure I look after my physical and mental health, pursue hobbies, and write down what I'm proud of every day. Over time, you'll see a change in yourself from new experiences.

Hello, question asker!

After reading your description, I can see that you're feeling a bit confused and helpless, but you're also really aware of these uncomfortable emotions and you're facing them courageously, which is great!

It's clear that you care about yourself a lot. I don't know all the things you've been through or experienced, but I can tell you're very sensitive and can sense other people's emotions. It's also possible that you don't feel very confident inside.

It's totally normal to feel this way, and it's not your fault. It might have something to do with the education you received in your family of origin and the things you've experienced. Most people consider themselves, and there's also a small group of people who care more about others. From your description, I can tell you're a sensitive soul.

All problems are our resources. We are experts at solving our own problems! Based on your description, I have some suggestions that I hope will help.

First of all, since this emotion has affected your life and caused you confusion, I really think it would be a great idea for you to seek out some professional psychological counselors. They can use their professional skills to delve into the root causes in your subconscious, adjust your perceptions, heal your heart, and give you the courage to face this problem.

You can also learn more about psychology and read more psychology books, which will also help us grow and learn more about ourselves!

Second, when you have these questions and doubts, you can actually become more aware of the needs behind your emotions. In other words, what do you need to get when you think about others? Do you need to be seen, do you need to be recognized? You just keep sorting it out, becoming aware of your emotions, and let's face this problem bravely, which will also be of great help to us.

I just want to tell you that when we become aware, we are already on the path to change. I'd love to tell you more: my dear friend, when you become aware of this uncomfortable feeling, please stop labeling yourself. Don't write labels for yourself, don't feel bad about yourself. The fact that you can think of others shows that you are kind-hearted. And that's a wonderful thing! Although you have needs, so what? At least I have given, and we are stopping at this moment to look at ourselves more, to hug ourselves more, to love ourselves more. If we don't love ourselves, who are we going to love?

Try to see yourself, respect yourself, accept yourself, allow yourself, and then love yourself. You'll be amazed at how happy and youthful you'll feel!

I'd love to suggest a few books that I think you'll find really helpful.

I'd love to suggest a few books that I think you'll really enjoy! They are "Mr. Toad Goes to Therapy," "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Mirror Work," and "Love Yourself Every Day."

The situation you describe indicates that you have an emotional tendency known as "excessive focus on other people's emotions" or "lack of self-expression." This tendency is likely the result of a combination of personal experiences, family environment, cultural background, and other factors.

You may be more concerned about the emotions of others than your own for one of the following reasons:

1. Upbringing: If you were brought up in a family or social environment that emphasised obedience and avoiding conflict, you may have learned to put the feelings of others first and ignore your own. If you were strongly criticised or blamed during your upbringing, this is something you need to address.

2. Sense of self-worth: You may be overly dependent on external evaluations of yourself to determine your self-worth. This is a problem because you are afraid to make decisions that may upset or disappoint others. This is a false assumption. Your decisions will not affect your relationships with others and thus your sense of self-worth.

3. Social expectations: In some cultures or societies, there are stereotypes that women should be "kind," "considerate," and "consider the feelings of others." If you are influenced by these stereotypes, you must recognize that you don't have to meet these expectations and ignore your true feelings.

4. Insufficient self-awareness: People who lack awareness and understanding of their inner feelings are susceptible to external influences.

To resolve this situation, you must consider the following methods:

5. Self-awareness: Understand your feelings, needs, and values more deeply. Keep a diary, reflect regularly, talk to friends, or see a psychologist.

6. Self-acceptance: Accept your emotions and feelings, positive or negative. Your feelings are important and deserve respect and expression.

7. Boundary setting: You must learn to say "no" and set boundaries for yourself. This means protecting your own emotions and needs, not just meeting the expectations of others.

8. Seek support. If you find it hard to shake these emotional tendencies, you need to seek counseling or therapy. A professional psychotherapist can help you better understand your emotions and provide effective coping strategies.

Remember, you deserve respect and attention, too. While it's important to be considerate of others, you have a right to feel and be treated well.

Hello, I'm listening.

I can sense your frustration as you hold the phone and stare at the screen.

You keep deleting sentences, writing them again, and deleting them again. It seems like you're afraid that you're not taking care of other people's feelings. I'm here to tell you that you're really too hard on yourself.

Caring for other people's feelings has benefited you in the past.

Caring for other people's feelings may have brought you some benefits in the past. For example, when we were with our parents, we were unable to rebel against them. So if we took care of our parents' feelings, we would have fewer experiences of being beaten and scolded, and would be less fearful.

There's nothing wrong with protecting yourself, so don't blame yourself.

Caring for other people's feelings is a form of self-care. Please don't blame yourself.

Taking care of other people's feelings helps us avoid a lot of conflicts. It makes other people feel comfortable.

You might just be hurting yourself.

If you take care of yourself, you'll be in a better position to take care of others.

You say you're afraid of hurting others, but you are. After hurting someone, you'll suffer the pain of being hurt by others. Then we'll choose the easier option, which is not to hurt others, so that others' harm won't hurt us.

Don't put labels on yourself. We're flexible, not paper-thin.

This is just a protective mechanism for you. You can choose when to use it and when not to use it. You weigh the pros and cons and act according to the situation. You're a man of action and you're flexible. You have more rights to choose and more flexibility. Don't let your heart be imprisoned in a word.

Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself.

Communication is key.

We can express our feelings and thoughts in a reasonable way. When we feel wronged and our boundaries have been crossed, we can express our thoughts and ideas in a reasonable way, and we can also fight for the right to express ourselves.

Dear questioner, It can be confusing and exhausting to focus too much on others' feelings and forget about your own needs.

This is a common situation. It doesn't mean you have a problem. You may just need to learn to balance your needs with those of others.

Caring about other people's feelings is a good quality. But if you care too much and it stops you from expressing your true feelings, we need to talk about how to fix it.

You may be kind and empathetic, which makes you understand and accept others' feelings. This is good, but it may also make you ignore your own feelings.

Everyone has needs and feelings. Learning to take care of yourself while caring about others is important.

I'll share a story to help you understand. There was a girl who liked to help others. She did her best to meet their needs.

However, she lost herself in the process of helping others. Until one day, a friend told her, "You can think about yourself."

She realized she could have her own needs and feelings. She learned to pay attention to her needs while helping others. She found herself again and became confident and happy.

Caring about others is important, but we also need to pay attention to our own needs and feelings. This helps us maintain a balance in relationships.

In psychology, the "self-boundary" is the line that protects you from others. If you don't have one, you might lose yourself in relationships and ignore your own needs.

It's important to set and stick to healthy boundaries.

You may need to be more aware of your needs and feelings in relationships and learn to express them at the right time. This doesn't mean you have to be selfish or indifferent, but that you have to pay attention to your needs and feelings while taking care of others'.

This helps you balance your relationships with others. You don't give up your own interests or ignore others' feelings.

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all have strengths and weaknesses, and accepting your imperfections is part of growing up.

When you feel tired or confused, relax and think about your needs and feelings. You can only take better care of others when you pay attention to your needs.

Never despise or dislike yourself. You are unique, and your kindness and empathy are your greatest assets.

Take care of yourself and others. You'll find balance and happiness.

I hope these suggestions help. Paying attention to your own needs and feelings doesn't mean you have to ignore others or be selfish.

It's a healthier way of relating to others. I hope you can find your balance and happiness!

Good luck!

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

First, let's discuss the importance of pleasing others. Reflect on your childhood experiences. When you first started to walk or attempted to eat with chopsticks, were you repeatedly interrupted and stopped by your mother due to her concerns, anxieties, and fears of potential consequences? Over time, we tend to judge ourselves when we are uncertain about our abilities, thinking, "I can't do it well." This can gradually lead to challenges in our self-efficacy and vulnerability as adults.

As the questioner stated, I am typically highly sensitive. I often take great care in crafting messages to others, even those that are routine, to avoid any potential for misunderstanding or inadvertently causing distress.

We place a great deal of importance on the opinions and emotions of others, which is often a result of a lack of self-assurance or inner strength. When we lack sufficient self-confidence, we are more susceptible to external influences and may attribute our shortcomings to personal inadequacies.

We can inquire as to our needs, and thus determine the optimal structure for our ideal life.

It is important to be aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. When writing about your weaknesses, it is beneficial to accept them and love yourself. With repeated practice, your self-confidence will gradually improve.

Next, we will discuss the concept of acceptance. It is important to recognize that everyone has imperfections and aspects of themselves that they may not want to confront. These are often referred to as the "dark side." It is not uncommon for people in our lives to be reluctant to accept these aspects of ourselves. This can lead us to put on a mask and pretend to be someone we are not, in order to align with the expectations of others. However, this can be a exhausting way to live.

As the questioner stated, my focus is consistently on other individuals and their needs, while my own requirements are often overlooked. I lack a sense of self-worth and occasionally experience negative feelings towards myself.

We can inquire of ourselves what the need is in our hearts to care for the emotions of others. Similarly, we can ask ourselves what the need is in our hearts to consider the feelings of others.

Additionally, we can inquire as to what internal factors contribute to feelings of self-loathing and disdain.

We may also inquire as to whether self-disparagement is reflective of an accurate self-perception.

It is advisable to seek assistance if this is a source of concern, as it may not be straightforward to address the issue independently. It is recommended to identify a trusted family member or friend who can provide constructive guidance and support. If necessary, it is possible to consult with a professional counselor to help manage emotions and overcome emotional barriers.

Additionally, we endeavor to cultivate self-love, beginning with treating our bodies with care. We recognize that we have matured, possess the capacity to safeguard ourselves, and can affirm and fulfill our needs. We are able to express and communicate our thoughts and can accept and appreciate our imperfections. Other individuals' opinions are inconsequential. We must learn to introspect, embrace our inner child, and become our own inner parent. When our core is stable, we will discover the center of our lives, the center of love, and the center of happiness.

I recommend the following book: Embrace Your Inner Child.

Hello, Thank you for your thoughtful question. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. It seems that you are a kind individual, always considering the feelings of others. This admirable quality may sometimes result in you overlooking your own true feelings. This could suggest that you possess a prosocial personality.

At the same time, you may also have a tendency to please others. In the process of human relationships, it is not uncommon to be inclined to take care of others and neglect yourself.

This does not imply that it is inherently negative. In many instances, this personality type can still foster positive relationships with others, as many individuals in society have become increasingly self-focused.

Some people are very selfish, only caring for themselves and not considering the feelings of others. If you have a personality like this, you can combine it with theirs, and you can find a way to think differently so that others will think you are different. This is actually a way of thinking. Of course, constantly considering others while ignoring your own feelings

To some extent, it might be perceived as unfair to oneself, as while everyone else is focused on you, you are focused on others. This could result in them receiving more benefits initially than you.

If others don't always recognize your kindness, they might take your kindness, goodness, or some of your agreeable behavior for granted.

In such a case, it may also have an impact on you, so it would be helpful to be prepared for that. If your kindness towards others does not receive positive feedback, it might be worth considering whether that kindness is still needed. You may wish to consider adding some edges or standards, or conditions, to your kindness.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to give to others unconditionally. For instance, if someone does something that you don't understand, or repeatedly violates your bottom line, it might be best not to forgive that person. You may wish to consider whether it would be more constructive to be less nice to that person than you were before. You may find it helpful to explain justly and righteously why you are angry.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider why you can't be nice to him anymore. It might be beneficial to have your own bottom line and principles. It's important to remember that you can't always be nice to others and that it's also important to take care of your own feelings.

It is possible that others may perceive your kindness as a form of tolerance or forbearance.

This could potentially lead others to perceive you as someone who is vulnerable to bullying. It is therefore important to demonstrate your resilience and determination in a way that reassures others that you are not an easy target. It is essential to align your needs with your personality to ensure that you are perceived as a confident and capable individual.

You have the option to change your way of thinking in a flexible manner. Whether you wish to maintain your interpersonal relationships or protect your feelings and needs, there are a variety of ways you can do so.

You are typically very sensitive and considerate, which can sometimes lead to a fear of being misunderstood or of causing hurt to others.

It also shows the delicacy and richness of your inner self. If you excessively consider the feelings of others, you may find yourself in a situation where you feel like you are not being yourself. At that time, you might benefit from making some changes, considering yourself more appropriately, and reducing some internal conflicts about taking care of others.

We suggest that you consider talking with someone or chatting with a counselor, as this may be beneficial for you. It is important to take the time to understand yourself fully. We also recommend that you take the Inner Animal Archetype test in the Psychological Tests section of the platform to gain insight into your deeper personality and help you to improve. Best of luck!

Could I ask you a question?