Always encounter friends with strong control desires, how to avoid being isolated?

I am pleased to be able to respond to your query and hope that my answer will prove useful to you.

From your description, it is evident that you have a profound longing for friendship. You aspire to have genuine, authentic friends in your life. When I learned that you subsequently had a friend who expressed interest in you, I was genuinely pleased for you. However, it is unfortunate that this friendship did not meet the criteria for a genuine, authentic friendship.

You perceive yourself to be subjected to repeated instances of emotional distress when in the company of your friends, and furthermore, you feel that you are being exerting control over you. Let us examine these perceptions together.

[Personal reasons]

It is important to recognize that there is always a reason for any given situation. In order to gain a deeper understanding, it is essential to begin by analyzing one's own perspective and motivations.

Firstly, the individual in question possesses a pleasing personality.

It is possible that you have not previously considered this, but during your student days, you consistently placed yourself in unfavourable circumstances in order to gain the approval of others and avoid social isolation. You elected to persevere in these situations and to avoid confrontation.

Even when one is aware that the other person does not genuinely like them and is exerting control, one still places oneself in a challenging situation and suppresses one's own feelings.

Secondly, there is the issue of your perception of friends.

It is evident that there has been a misunderstanding regarding the concept of friendship. Friendships are based on the principles of equality, mutual respect, understanding, mutual assistance, and mutual growth. Therefore, the friendships you perceive to be true are, in fact, not aligned with these fundamental tenets.

It is uncertain whether this has caused any offence.

Thirdly, the subject displays a tendency to ruminate on concerns and anxieties.

As the adage states, one's apprehensions are likely to manifest in reality. What are the specific concerns that you find yourself wrestling with?

Your apprehension about becoming isolated and lacking companionship leads you to persistently endure and evade social interactions, thereby perpetuating a pattern of forming unsuitable friendships.

[Solution]

It is recommended that you enhance your self-confidence and find a suitable match.

When an individual is not centered on others, others are unable to exert control over them. Conversely, when an individual exudes confidence and charm, they are able to attract people who are on the same wavelength as them and thus form good friendships.

It is recommended that one cultivate a diverse social network and exercise discernment in one's associations.

It is possible to have numerous friends, but it is important to recognise that not all of these relationships will be of the same quality. It is therefore advisable to expand one's social circle and form new connections, while also taking the time to assess the trustworthiness of these individuals.

It is necessary to discard and let go.

It is recommended that individuals who do not meet the criteria for true friendship should be terminated from their social circle. This may entail ending the relationship, disassociating oneself from the other person, or simply avoiding contact. The result of this action is the reclaiming of one's own social space and the discovery of alternative social connections.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that you will be able to establish genuine, long-lasting friendships and achieve the level of companionship you have always desired.

Hello, question asker! I'm Enoch, the answerer. It seems like you feel controlled and isolated by others in different environments. You also try to please others, but you want to solve this problem so you don't always fear being isolated.

People are isolated for a reason.

1. Jealousy

Some people don't want to see others who are stronger than themselves. They try to cover up the strengths of others and highlight their own. The questioner has been under pressure all the way to graduate school. I believe this is one reason why they isolate themselves.

The heights are lonely.

2. Offending someone's interests

Some people bully others when their interests are violated or their emotions are not satisfied. As the questioner said, their classmates often vent their anger on them. If they don't do what she wants, she will isolate the questioner.

3. Offend the group leader

People who isolate others are often of low quality. They also tend to like to get together, especially if there is a ringleader in the group who feels overshadowed or if they don't like someone, the group will isolate them.

4. Weak character, always giving in to others.

The questioner may be weak-willed and afraid of offending them. They often give in to them because it works.

Here are some tips for the questioner:

1. Avoid low-level socializing and spend more time with positive people.

Excellent people don't have time to isolate others. They just want to become better. It is recommended that the questioner should associate with positive, well-behaved people. This will give them a better experience and feeling. Without contacting that person and without infringing on their interests, they will not want to isolate themselves.

2. Don't draw attention to yourself in a crowd and be friendly.

In the future, learn to work with a high profile and lead a low-key life. Do your own thing seriously. Be humble, and others won't isolate themselves.

3. Don't offend people or infringe on their interests. Maintain your own stable social relationships and seek social support.

Join a group of good people and be kind. Don't offend anyone. Help others and form your own social group. If you have social support, people who want to isolate you will also retreat.