Always ponder over what has happened and doubt myself, how to alleviate this?

Hello, questioner. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

It's possible that what you're going through now has roots in your own family of origin.

It's possible that when you were growing up, whenever you encountered a problem, your parents would say it was your problem.

Then, after being exposed to them for a long time, you may have an unreasonable "internal attribution."

Of course, now that you've identified the issue, you can work on making the necessary changes.

There's a saying in psychology that I think is worth repeating: "Seeing is healing."

The next time you feel like getting angry, take a few deep breaths and count to 10.

Taking deep breaths gives you a moment to think about how you should react in the moment.

By the time you get to 10, you'll have forgotten why you were even angry in the first place.

If you're still unsure, it might be helpful to speak with a professional counselor.

The counselor is a professional and can give you some better advice.

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're facing soon.

All I can think about now is what I've said above.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you, the questioner. I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and best wishes to you!

Just a quick note to say hi!

You may feel drained and tired when you're in this state, and it is indeed very hard. However, I want to be clear that everyone will have moments of self-doubt and repeated thinking, which is very normal. We live in a complex and ever-changing world, and thinking is a way for us to adapt to our environment and understand the world.

However, when this kind of thinking becomes too frequent and burdensome, it will affect our emotions and concentration.

I have some feedback for you to help alleviate this distress.

1. Be gentle with yourself. You're not perfect, and you'll make mistakes. You'll also have moments of indecision. Look at your imperfections with a more forgiving heart and give yourself some breathing room.

2. Listen to your inner voice. When you feel uneasy or anxious, calm down and listen to your inner voice. Ask yourself if these worries and concerns are real or just in your imagination.

2. Listen to your inner voice. When you feel uneasy or anxious, calm down and listen to your inner voice. Ask yourself if these worries and concerns are real or just in your imagination.

You can control your emotions by understanding your true feelings.

3. Share with others. Find a trusted friend or family member and tell them how you feel. They can help you see the other side of the issue.

You will also feel the support and understanding of others when you share.

4. Develop a habit of self-care. Focus on things that make you happy and relaxed, such as going for a walk, reading, listening to music, or simply taking deep breaths. These activities will relieve tension and help you regain inner peace.

5. Learn to let go. Accept that there are things you cannot control or change. Let them go.

Don't waste your time worrying about things you can't change. Focus your energy on the things you can change and influence.

You are not alone. Many people have similar concerns and are also trying to find their own way to cope.

You can overcome these difficulties and find your own happiness and balance. If you need more support and help, seek professional psychological counseling.

From your description, it's clear you're seeking the perfect interpersonal relationship. You want a flawless and transcendent realm, and you want others to recognize and value you. This is precisely the need that was lacking during your childhood. You believe you haven't worked hard enough and that you haven't done enough. Your parents, who seem to never be satisfied, have been internalized as a strict superego. You've always been trying to maintain interpersonal relationships and demanding a lot from yourself.

Your pain stems from your excessive expectations and sense of control over your interpersonal relationships. Your childhood development experience likely formed obsessive problems during the anal stage of development.

In psychoanalytic psychology, it is a well-established fact that individuals with obsessive-compulsive personalities have great difficulty expressing aggression. This is directly related to an early power struggle with the mother figure over the right to toilet training.

These individuals tend to focus on interpersonal interactions, self-esteem, anger management, dependence, cognitive styles, and striking a balance between work and emotional relationships. They often have considerable self-doubt, which can be traced back to feelings of being unloved and undervalued by their parents during childhood. These feelings may be related to the fact that their parents were indifferent or detached.

Children need more reassurance and affection than the average child to feel recognized by their parents. Unmet dependency cravings are combined with a full tank of anger at their parents for failing to emotionally attune to their child's needs.

They adopt defenses like counter-reaction and emotional isolation to fight these feelings. They are committed to anti-dependence and deny any dependence on anyone. They strive to control all anger and may even appear respectful and submissive to avoid giving the impression of harboring angry emotions.

The above is just knowledge points. You care too much about other people's approval and have forgotten the value of your own existence in the relationship. You are unable to identify the problem in the relationship and who is actually at fault. Find a counselor or a listening therapist on the platform to accompany you on your journey of exploring your uncomfortable feelings and gaining a better understanding.

It seems like you've always had doubts about your self-worth. The discomfort in the relationship, the problems that came up when you tried to vent, and the guilt you felt made you kind but also very fearful. The guilt made you afraid of losing the relationship, so you tried to please others and apologize, and that's what you thought was right. In your childhood, your parents or caregivers ignored you when you needed care, and they even denied your anger. You felt ashamed when you got angry, and you couldn't control it. You felt like you'd never been understood, so you expressed your anger in the relationship. Then you realized that the relationship wasn't what you thought it was. You felt remorse because you thought no one would understand or be tolerant of you. You tried to maintain the relationship by pleasing others, but they were eventually unkind to you. You've had a very difficult time. You can try to find a counselor or listener on the platform to help you explore your inner needs. You might learn to love and respect yourself so that you can be loved and respected by others.