Always suffering from feelings of shame, what should I do for help?
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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
In cultural classes, whenever I encountered a problem I didn't know the answer to, I would get nervous and want to run away. I was afraid that the teacher and classmates would find out that I didn't know how to do a lot of questions, so I hid my papers. These two things were enough to make me decide to drop out of school. Even after I dropped out, I didn't tell anyone the real reason, for fear of being considered pretentious.
Taking a baking class, feeling that you didn't perform as well as your classmates → shame and pain, being stared at while making the food → shame and pain, feeling that your classmates' laughter is mocking you → shame and pain, feeling that the teacher's expression and tone of voice when pointing out your problems are malicious and mocking → shame and pain, and then hating the teacher and classmates.
Because I'm afraid of the same thing happening again, it makes me feel ashamed and painful, and I want to cancel the rest of the classes. But the thought of having to tell people that I've changed my mind makes me feel ashamed and painful too.
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Comments
I can totally relate to feeling anxious when facing challenges in class. It's hard when you feel like everyone else understands things that you don't. I chose to step back from situations that made me feel exposed and inadequate, like baking where every mistake seems magnified. The fear of judgment was too much, so I just stopped attending, even though it meant letting go of something I initially wanted to try.
Feeling judged by others can be really tough. When I didn't do as well as my peers in class, it felt like everyone was watching and laughing at me. That scrutiny was unbearable, and I began to dread going. Even the teacher's feedback felt like criticism, which only added to my discomfort. Eventually, the thought of facing that environment again became too much, and I decided not to continue, unable to face the shame of explaining why I changed my mind.
The classroom should be a place for learning, but sometimes it feels like a stage where all eyes are on you, especially when you struggle. For me, the pressure to perform and the fear of being mocked or criticized by classmates and teachers led to a lot of anxiety. I ended up avoiding classes altogether because the idea of confronting those feelings again was just too painful, and admitting my change of heart seemed equally daunting.