Always very considerate of other people's needs, but why does no one ever consider me?

Hello, questioner! I can tell you're going through a lot right now.

You always try to take care of other people's feelings and hope that others will treat you the same way, but it seems like this isn't always the case. It can be really tough when you feel like you've given a lot but haven't received the response you were hoping for.

First of all, I want to say that your mentality of always thinking of others is very admirable. It shows your kindness and thoughtfulness, which many people lack.

It's also important to remember that everyone's upbringing and personality are different. Some people may not be as sensitive or attentive as you are, but that doesn't mean they don't care about your feelings. It just means they express them differently.

I get it. You've tried to resolve the issue with your upstairs neighbor through communication, but it hasn't gone the way you wanted.

I think you should try some other methods. For example, you could install soundproofing equipment to improve your living environment, or you could communicate with your neighbor again to see if there is another solution.

At the same time, we need to learn to adjust our mentality and not dwell on the issue, as this will only lead to internal conflict.

It seems like you have a lot of similar experiences in your life. You encounter situations that make you feel uncomfortable when you're at school, in the elevator, or when you're in line.

These experiences make you feel vulnerable and like you have to tolerate and compromise a lot. But we need to understand that everyone has their own boundaries and bottom lines, and we need to learn to protect our rights and feelings.

In psychology, there's a concept called the "self-boundary." It's about setting boundaries in relationships to protect our rights and feelings.

If we focus too much on other people's needs and ignore our own feelings, we might end up feeling overwhelmed and powerless. So, I suggest you try to set clearer boundaries for yourself, learn to say "no" when you need to, and protect your rights and feelings.

I'd also like to share a quick story about self-boundaries. There was a person who was always too concerned about the feelings of others, to the point that her own needs were neglected.

One day, she decided to switch up her strategy. When she found herself in a situation that required patience again, she mustered the courage to share her thoughts and feelings.

Although this made her feel a little nervous and uneasy, she found that other people didn't get angry or alienated by it. In fact, they respected and understood her feelings more.

This story shows us that when we speak up and share our thoughts and feelings, we can gain more respect and understanding.

I can see how your family experiences have left you feeling frustrated and misunderstood. It's possible that your parents weren't aware of your feelings and needs, which might have led to a sense of neglect and unimportance.

It's important to remember that parents are human too, with their own limitations and shortcomings. We can try to communicate with them, express our thoughts and feelings, and at the same time learn to understand their position and actions.

I'd like to give you some suggestions to try out and see what works for you.

First, learn to speak up for yourself. When you feel that you have been treated unfairly or are uncomfortable, try to express your feelings in a gentle but firm tone.

For instance, if the noise from your upstairs neighbor bothers you again, you could say something like this: "I've noticed that your home has been a bit noisy lately, especially the footsteps, which have affected my rest. Could you please put carpets in your home or remind your family to be a bit more careful?

"I'm sure you can see how I'm feeling." This way, you're sharing your feelings and offering a clear solution.

Second, it's important to have a "self-care" routine. Set aside some time each day to focus on your needs and feelings and do something that makes you feel comfortable and happy.

For instance, you could listen to your favorite music, read a good book, or go for a walk outdoors. These activities can help you relax and boost your sense of self-worth.

Also, try to communicate more openly with the people around you. Don't be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings so that more people can get to know and understand you.

You can start with small talk, like sharing your hobbies or favorite foods, and then gradually open up more. At the same time, learn to listen to the thoughts and feelings of others, so that your relationship will be more harmonious.

I also suggest learning some emotional management techniques. When you feel angry or anxious, try relaxing activities like deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.

These techniques can help you calm your emotions and better handle the challenges of everyday life.

Finally, don't forget to seek professional support if you're struggling to solve your problems or feeling low all the time.

Psychologists can help you understand your problems better and find more effective solutions.

Above all, you need to believe in your own worth and abilities. Don't sacrifice your feelings and needs to please others.

Don't be afraid to share your thoughts and feelings! It's also important to learn to love, care for, and protect yourself.

You deserve respect and understanding, and this will make your life more exciting and beautiful. I hope you can find a way out of your situation soon and that your future will be brighter!

Good day, My name is June Lai Feng.

Your experience aligns with a common pattern of over-empathy and self-sacrifice. From a psychological standpoint, the distress you are currently facing may originate from your high sensitivity and over-consideration of others.

This personality trait causes you to prioritize the needs and feelings of others to the detriment of your own. This tendency may be related to your upbringing, particularly in the family environment, where you may have lacked sufficient attention and recognition, leading you to develop this pattern of "always sacrificing yourself for others."

In reality, this behavior of excessively considering others does not receive a corresponding return. Instead, it results in feelings of neglect and unappreciation, which further exacerbate the pain and confusion, and lead to doubts about one's own value and sense of existence.

The following is a psychological analysis of the situation:

First, attachment theory suggests that early parent-child relationships have a significant impact on whether an individual forms a secure or insecure attachment type. Based on your description, it appears that your father's behavior did not consider your feelings and needs, which may have resulted in the development of an insecure attachment style. This may have led to a tendency to prioritize the approval of others and avoid conflict as an adult.

Secondly, you may have adopted some irrational beliefs, such as the idea that you must always consider others' needs, or that expressing your own needs will cause conflict. These beliefs may result in you being overly considerate of others and neglecting your own needs.

Thirdly, your experiences may have affected your self-esteem and self-efficacy. Prolonged sacrifice of personal needs may result in feelings of unimportance and powerlessness, which in turn negatively impact self-esteem and self-efficacy.

Furthermore, prolonged exposure to similar circumstances and ineffective responses, even when attempting to communicate needs, can result in a sense of helplessness, powerlessness, and despair regarding the ability to effect change.

As a result, they become overly empathetic, caring too much about the feelings of others, always considering others first and ignoring their own feelings and needs, putting the needs of others above their own.

Finally, a lack of clarity regarding boundaries can result in difficulties in defending one's rights and space. This can lead to others infringing upon those boundaries.

I recommend the following methods to adjust your mindset and behavior:

The first step is self-reflection, which involves recognizing one's own behavioral patterns and the underlying beliefs that shape them.

Secondly, it is important to develop self-awareness and an understanding of one's own needs and feelings. It is crucial to maintain an equal footing with others and avoid undue self-sacrifice for the sake of pleasing others.

It is also important to set boundaries, learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself, express your needs and discomfort, rather than silently endure, and express your dissatisfaction and refusal at the appropriate time. This does not mean becoming selfish or indifferent, but rather communicating your bottom line and needs to others.

It is also important to learn effective communication skills in order to reduce the possibility of conflict when expressing your needs.

Additionally, it is important to prioritize self-care and develop routines that promote relaxation. This can help ensure that your needs are met.

Finally, cultivate self-confidence and enhance it through positive self-affirmation and self-improvement. Recognize your own value and abilities, and believe that you have the right to pursue your own needs and happiness.

In summary, each individual possesses distinctive character traits and life experiences, and it is not feasible to influence the actions and attitudes of others. However, one can exercise control over one's own reactions and attitudes.

It is important to adjust your mindset and behavior to become more confident, determined, and independent. At the same time, it is essential to accept your imperfections and limitations, and to avoid being overly demanding of yourself.

Caring for your own needs is not selfishness; it is an essential component of a healthy relationship. By implementing gradual changes, you can establish a more balanced and fulfilling lifestyle.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a pleasant day.

Hello. When I first read about the noise bothering you, I immediately felt a sense of solidarity. My upstairs neighbors are also hard to describe, and several friends in my previous psychological study group have complained about similar experiences. Building noise seems to be a long-standing problem.

However, I am certain that your distress is not caused by this single incident. It is the result of the grievances and traumas that have built up over the years.

As a child, you didn't get the peace and quiet you needed when you were sick, you were deprived of the things you liked, and you were forced to eat lamb that you didn't like. You were weak and couldn't speak up for yourself, so you had to swallow your grievances. These experiences often leave a mark on a child's heart: I'm not important, and my needs won't be met.

Over time, the child will give up hope and enter a state of learned helplessness.

Your suffering is partly about the feeling that no one takes your feelings into account or responds to your needs. It's also about your attitude towards yourself. You don't understand why you have to be so careful in everything and always put the feelings of others before your own. It's as if no one else valued and cared for you enough like they do. In this state, you feel isolated and helpless. You also blame and resent yourself. Why can't I even be kind to myself?

External influences from others are less painful than internal self-doubt or attacks.

To get out of this dilemma, we must work from the inside out. Let's be frank: our control over the external environment is limited, and we cannot change other people. Just like noise disputes between neighbors, there is no good way to solve them once and for all.

You can focus on "loosening up" yourself. Do things like move more freely around the house, listen to music, practice speeches, and draw the curtains the way you like. You know these sounds don't bother anyone, but you're used to being hard on yourself and always demanding the highest standards of yourself.

Start by picking the easiest thing to do for a week (e.g., drawing the curtains). Then, try the second thing for a while and see what happens. Keep going until you've tried everything.

Imagine the worst-case scenario: someone actually comes to tell you that you're disturbing them. What would you do?

Dear Sir/Madam, I empathize with your situation and understand the challenges you're facing. From your description, it's evident that you're highly sensitive and influenced by your surroundings. You're apprehensive about conflict and tend to avoid expressing your feelings or making demands when faced with uncomfortable situations. You even go to great lengths to be cautious and careful to avoid conflict. I'm here to help you navigate these challenges and find solutions that work for you. Best regards, [Name]

These factors contribute to your reserved demeanor outside the home, even in familiar settings. At home, you may find it challenging to relax, due to concerns that your actions might lead to conflicts with family members or external parties. In many cases, it's likely that there are underlying issues with the other person, which you can address simultaneously.

First, we will examine the potential causes of this state of mind from the perspective of the brain's operating mechanism.

Over hundreds of millions of years of evolution, the human brain has acquired advanced functions such as higher thinking and language skills, while retaining the basic functions of the primitive brain (the majority of animals have a primitive brain). The most basic function of the primitive brain is to deal with matters related to survival. When it senses pressure-related information from the outside world, the primitive brain has three decision-making mechanisms: fight, escape, or lay down.

Based on the information received, the brain will determine the appropriate response to a given situation. If the brain determines that the individual can win the fight, it will decide to fight. If it feels that it cannot overcome external objects or the environment, it will choose to run away. If it is a very strong external force and it is found that it cannot fight or escape, it will choose to lie down or some animals will play dead. With the perception of sudden external situations, there will be an accelerated heartbeat and sweating of the skin. An accelerated heartbeat will speed up blood circulation. If the individual wants to fight, the blood will be supplied to the limbs. If the individual wants to escape, it will be supplied to the legs and feet. If the individual lies down, toxic substances will be secreted to reduce the pain.

Secondly, the various experiences you had as a child instilled a sense of insecurity, and you were forced to endure interactions with adults who were difficult to confront. This led to the development of a coping mechanism that involved avoiding conflict whenever possible. Consequently, this has contributed to the current state you describe in the previous paragraph.

Ultimately, how should we proceed? This is the most crucial question.

The most effective solution is to cultivate a sense of security. In most cases, rational analysis is used to reassure the individual and provide a sense of safety.

Additionally, it is important to understand conflicts correctly, confront them with courage, and continuously identify effective resolution strategies. The following suggestions may prove beneficial:

1. Chinese society is currently the safest in the world. This is a fact that must be accepted. The rule of law, the level of public security, police handling, and people's moral awareness are all quite impressive. In most cases, as long as we act normally in public, our safety is absolutely guaranteed.

Provided we conduct ourselves in a reasonable manner and avoid taking things too far, we can safely navigate minor disagreements with colleagues and neighbors.

2. It is not uncommon for conflicts to arise between individuals. Each person brings their own background, habits, standards, and way of thinking to the table. It is to be expected that differences in these aspects will lead to conflicts. It is important to note that conflicts do not necessarily manifest as quarrels or physical contact. The most effective way to resolve conflicts is through communication.

The process of communication is about each person expressing their feelings and opinions in a calm and peaceful manner. The goal is to gain mutual understanding. If opinions are not expressed, misunderstandings may arise, which hinders conflict resolution. The objective of resolving conflicts through communication is to reach a consensus or seek common ground while acknowledging differences.

The following are examples of appropriate responses to common scenarios.

3. As illustrated in the initial example, the noise from upstairs is a source of discomfort. Despite communication via WeChat, it appears that the other party is continuing with their activities as usual. The first step is to assess whether the noise is excessive. We have noise standards in place. A decibel measuring instrument can be purchased from a reputable online vendor to quantify the noise, or family members or friends can be consulted to provide an assessment. If the noise falls within the normal range or is occasional during non-rest hours, it is recommended to gradually adjust one's mentality.

If the situation truly exceeds the standard, or if you are unable to adjust to it for an extended period, it is important to remain calm and avoid taking it personally. This will not resolve the issue and may inadvertently cause further problems for yourself. You can offer to buy some fruit, go upstairs and communicate frankly, or even tell a little white lie. For example, you might say, "I or my parents are not feeling well, have high blood pressure or heart problems, so I hope the other person can understand."

In general, most people are reasonable. Before, they may have assumed they were typical, and asked if they were looking for trouble.

It is our hope that you will be able to resolve any issues you may have through open communication.

4. Smoking in the elevator is a quality of life issue. If you are alone in the elevator, it is not recommended to confront the smoker directly. You can file a complaint with the relevant department afterwards and request that management find a solution. This is your right. If they do not take action, you can call the municipal hotline. As long as you file a complaint, you will receive a response and feedback. If you are followed too closely in line, you can politely but firmly say, "You are following too closely, bumping into me, pull some distance." If you feel harassed, you can issue a warning or even call the police. There is no safety problem in public places.

As a law-abiding citizen and taxpayer, you are entitled to this right.

5. In a school dormitory environment, it is important to recognize that there are inherent challenges in a shared living space. If you feel uncomfortable, it is your responsibility to take the initiative to find a solution. One potential solution is to propose the establishment of a dormitory behavior rule. This rule should be designed in a way that ensures equality among all residents, encourages the free exchange of ideas, and allows for a simple majority vote on each item to determine a reward and punishment mechanism.

The situation will improve over time. If no one assumes a leadership role, it will simply be a matter of who can be more patient.

However, when viewed in context, these are relatively minor issues. The most crucial aspect is to adjust your mindset.

6. It is important to note that activities such as listening to music, watching TV, and drawing the curtains at a moderate volume will not affect the neighbors. If you are not at ease, it may be beneficial to bring the neighbors some snacks or other small tokens of appreciation. Additionally, it is worth noting that listening to music is a personal preference. If you have any concerns about the volume, please feel free to communicate them. If you are unable to relax on your own and there are also factors from your family, it is essential to identify the three most important reasons that prevent you from relaxing. Once you have identified these reasons, it is crucial to consider potential solutions and implement them promptly. If you require assistance in identifying solutions, it is recommended to communicate them to your family members or seek professional guidance.

It is possible that your concerns are habitual worries about family members, particularly your father. In most cases, identifying the root cause can reduce stress by 50%, and finding a solution and implementing it can gradually eliminate the stressor.

This is also a neurological process: the brain will be more anxious about vague and intangible pressures. As long as the brain is aware of a solution, it will naturally relax.

To summarize, it is imperative to convince yourself that the situation is safe and that the worst-case scenario is acceptable. If you feel chronically uncomfortable, you must find a solution. It is not acceptable to sulk by yourself. The primary method for solving problems is direct communication. Communication does not mean arguing. Pay more attention to and summarize communication skills for solving problems. Generally speaking, create a relaxed environment, gain the approval of most people, express your feelings calmly, and put forward suggestions and ideas. In case of special circumstances, seek help from management or the public security department.

Furthermore, if the situation has persisted for an extended period, it is advisable to consult with a medical professional to ascertain the extent of the anxiety. Should the physician recommend it, you may arrange to communicate with a counselor online or offline a few times.

That concludes my presentation. I hope you find it helpful.

Best regards,

Hello! I hug you from all sides.

You always think about others, but no one cares about you. You want to live your life your way, just like your roommate and your neighbor.

You are very cautious and try to avoid disturbing others, but they don't reciprocate your tolerance. You feel anxious, helpless, and confused.

You're angry at yourself for being afraid of conflict and for not standing up for yourself.

You care about other people not caring about your feelings, but it's more about your anger towards yourself.

Being nice to others doesn't always get you the same treatment. It's your choice whether to consider the needs of others or not. You can control it.

If other people don't care about your feelings, that's their choice. It often has nothing to do with what you did.

There are more than one person besides you, so they may behave the same way even if you're not in the dormitory. It's probably none of your business.

That doesn't mean their actions are right. There are always some rules in public places, like not making loud noises or disturbing others at night.

Just because you consider others' feelings doesn't mean they'll consider yours. You can't expect an equal response.

If others' behavior affects you, you can either tolerate it or confront them. If you choose to confront them, be prepared to deal with the consequences. You can also leave the person who makes you feel uncomfortable. From your description, you are afraid of conflict but choose to tolerate it.

Your father's high-handed approach as a child made it hard for you to speak up for yourself.

You're an adult now, and you've had bad experiences as a child. You're already capable of dealing with these things. You're afraid of conflict, but you have to face it. You haven't had any success, and you don't accept yourself.

This question is more complicated. You need to examine yourself, your abilities, your strengths and weaknesses, and your traumas to understand relationships.

For yourself, understand rationally, don't belittle yourself, but don't look at yourself too badly. Take yourself seriously, but allow others not to take you seriously.

The core of relationships is simple: lower your expectations. There are many things in relationships that are beyond our control. Lowering your expectations will prevent you from feeling dissatisfied.

Talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who is Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, but I love you and the world.

From what you've told me, it's clear that you always put the needs of others first. I can see how your upbringing has played a big part in this. Your father has had a profound impact on you, and you've developed a selfless character as a result.

We all have to learn to live with others, including our dads, our roommates, our neighbors, and so on. Sometimes, we've been hurt by them, and that makes us sensitive. We try to regulate ourselves to avoid any situation that might hurt us again. That makes us very cautious and careful.

You do your best to be as unobtrusive as possible and to avoid disturbing others, but you feel like they're not taking your feelings into account and that you're the one who has to put up with their restrictions. They're not aware of all the things you've done to try to be accommodating. The noise and movement make you feel a bit uneasy, and it's making you feel a bit helpless and conflicted. It's understandable that you're feeling angry. You've been holding on to that anger for too long, and it's understandable that you're angry at others, but it's likely that you're also angry at yourself.

It's okay to feel afraid sometimes. We all do. But try not to let your fears get in the way of enjoying life. It's not easy to keep everyone's feelings in mind all the time, but it's worth it to put yourself in a difficult position and tolerate others.

In life, your kindness and generosity may not always be returned. It's okay! You consider everything and regulate yourself. This is your quality, your habit, or a tolerant response to avoid conflict. This is your living habit. Of course, this habit is more shaped by the environment you grew up in, but since it is a habit, you can choose it or avoid it, and it is something you can control.

It's okay if others don't consider your feelings. It's just their habit, and it has nothing to do with what you did. There are other people in your dormitory besides you. In other words, even if you're not in the dormitory, they may still be doing the same thing.

Their behavior has little to do with you, sweetheart. It doesn't mean they're right, though.

It's so important to have common rules in the dorm that everyone can accept and follow. Things like no shouting, no vigorous exercise, and no littering are just a few examples. It's not that if you consider the feelings of others, others will definitely consider your feelings.

It can be really tough to find common ground with others, especially in a group setting. It's not always easy to come to an agreement when there are so many different opinions and perspectives. But don't lose hope! It's possible to find a solution that works for everyone.

If someone's behavior affects you, you have the choice to either put up with it or confront them directly. Either way, it's important to be mentally prepared to deal with the consequences. If it's an option, you can simply leave the person or place that makes you uncomfortable. You might be afraid of conflict, but if you keep doing it for a long time, you might find that you can't let it go, and the conflict will be all yours.

This might be related to your experiences as a child. You can try to be a little braver, my friend.

Your childhood experiences gave you a bad experience, but you are now an adult, and you have the ability to confront and solve these things. It's just that your instinctive fear of conflict makes you afraid to face it head-on. We all have that fear sometimes! It's hard to be yourself when you're worried about trying. In fact, there are many times when stress is self-imposed. You are always used to anticipating many scenarios before doing something, which invisibly puts a lot of pressure on yourself.

It's time to rebuild your own personality, understand your own abilities, face up to your own strengths and weaknesses, and be honest about your experiences. Once you've done that, you'll be able to explore the relationships between people and how they can check and balance each other to live in harmony.

You are a wonderful person with so many great qualities. But, like everyone, you have your own shortcomings. It's only natural to feel a bit down when we see the things we could do better. But, try not to be too hard on yourself. You're doing a great job! It's important to respect yourself and your feelings. But, don't be too demanding of others. Let go of your perfectionist tendencies and be more understanding.

The core of relationships, whether between people or with society, is very simple: lower your expectations. We can't do everything, and we can't do anything about everything. When we lower our expectations, we're less likely to take things personally.

You are so good at so many things! Just be brave and be yourself. Do things little by little that you haven't done before, let go slowly, and have a new life for yourself. I really hope your life will be comfortable, happy, and relaxed from now on.

Good day, question owner. I must confess that I have experienced similar sentiments regarding this matter. Why do we consistently prioritize the concerns of others while neglecting our own needs? Is it prudent for me to pursue this course of action?

One might suggest that a more assertive approach would be beneficial. It is acknowledged that becoming aggressive overnight is not a viable option; however, controlling one's expression is a possibility. When confronted with a situation that causes distress, it is advisable to refrain from requesting assistance or suggesting solutions, as this may be perceived as a lack of assertiveness, particularly by individuals who are inclined to prioritize the well-being of others.

One can simply state, in a neutral tone of voice, "Please refrain from approaching me and smoking in my presence." (The key is to maintain a neutral expression and a flat tone.)

This is a technique that can be readily implemented. It is not contingent upon adopting a stern demeanor; rather, it entails maintaining a neutral countenance, refraining from displaying any outward signs of emotion, and speaking in a composed, stable tone. This approach can be swiftly acquired through dedicated practice.

Furthermore, it is imperative to consider the implications of one's actions before expressing them verbally. An alternative approach could be for the individual to inquire, "Could you kindly smoke in a different location?"

However, this is not an appropriate approach, as it is ineffective for eliciting a response from those who are not assertive. To achieve the desired outcome, it is necessary to adopt a more assertive stance by requesting a solution that is firm and decisive.

Furthermore, it is imperative to establish a clear boundary between oneself and those who seek to cause distress. If one is subjected to a source of irritation, it is essential to respond in a manner that is commensurate with the provocation.

I am of the opinion that a somewhat assertive approach is beneficial. In the event of a thud being heard upstairs, it would be advisable to proceed directly to the door and knock. The occupant will likely respond in a polite manner, inquiring as to whether assistance is required.

Upon hearing a noise, it is advisable to promptly knock on the door. It is important to recognize that if you do not like the sound of it, you should refrain from making the other person feel good either.

"Good morning. I heard something fall on the floor. Might I inquire as to whether you picked it up?"

"Good day. I have once again heard an object fall. Might I inquire as to whether it was a broken bowl?"

"Good day. I have observed another instance of an object falling from its current location. I inquire as to whether you would be amenable to relocating said object to a more secure position."

One might inquire as to the designation of this phenomenon. It is characterized by a deliberate and prolonged act of irritation, aimed at provoking a state of exasperation in the subject. The objective is to elicit a response that indicates a sense of annoyance, even if it is merely verbal. In such instances, the individual in question is informed that their actions are bothersome, yet they are not admonished or confronted. Instead, a conciliatory tone is employed, offering an apology for the inconvenience.

Regardless of whether or not an apology was offered, the individual proceeded to knock on the door. They were polite, refrained from asking numerous questions, and even expressed remorse. However, they then hastily departed, causing significant irritation to the other party. This continued until the source of the disturbance ceased.

(This is merely my personal opinion.)

Dear Landlord, I empathize with your current emotional state, as evidenced by your description. I hope my suggestions will prove helpful. You mentioned that you consistently prioritize the feelings of others, yet your own feelings have been overlooked. This can lead to feelings of confusion and disorientation.

Let us examine this matter together and identify potential solutions.

First and foremost, taking the feelings of others into account is a commendable quality that demonstrates empathy and kindness. However, if you consistently prioritize the needs of others over your own, you may feel neglected and unappreciated. This dynamic may arise from the following factors:

Low self-worth: Being overly concerned about the feelings of others often results in neglect of one's own needs. This may be due to a lack of self-worth, whereby the belief is that recognition and respect can only be gained by meeting the expectations of others.

In practice, however, all feelings and needs are of equal importance.

2. Lack of a sense of boundaries: Not setting clear personal boundaries makes it easy for others to take your efforts for granted. Over time, your behavior may have accustomed those around you to your accommodation and efforts, and they may neglect to care for and look after you.

3. Insufficient communication: Sometimes, we fail to clearly express our needs and feelings, which also leads to others not understanding our inner state. Misunderstandings and neglect in interpersonal relationships often stem from insufficient or unclear communication.

To improve this situation, we recommend the following course of action:

Firstly, it is important to learn to affirm and accept yourself. It is also crucial to understand that your value does not depend on the approval of others. There are several ways to strengthen self-identification, including keeping a diary, meditating, or seeking the help of a psychological counselor.

It is recommended that you give yourself positive affirmations on a daily basis and recognize your importance and uniqueness.

2. Establish personal boundaries: Learn to decline requests and respect your own needs and feelings. Setting clear personal boundaries allows others to understand your limits and expectations.

Do not hesitate to express your genuine thoughts and opinions. This will not only help you maintain your mental health but also foster respect from others.

3. Effective Communication: Express your feelings and needs proactively. Oftentimes, other individuals do not ignore you deliberately, but rather because they lack understanding of your inner state.

Transparent and direct communication facilitates a deeper understanding of your needs and fosters greater consideration for your feelings.

4. Seek balance. While considering the needs of others, do not neglect your own feelings. Learn to balance the needs of others and yourself to find a state of comfort.

It is recommended that you set aside some time each day to relax and adjust your mood.

5. Form a support system. Identify individuals who genuinely care about and support you, and cultivate a strong, trusting relationship with them. A robust support system can provide invaluable strength and comfort when you feel isolated or overlooked.

It is important to recognize that changing long-standing patterns of behavior requires time and patience. Believing in your ability to lead a healthier and more balanced life is crucial. Through constant self-reflection and practice, you can gradually reduce your dependence on the approval of others and find a true sense of self-worth.

I hope these suggestions will be helpful to you. I wish you the best in your efforts to achieve inner balance and contentment. It is important to believe in yourself and to recognize that your feelings and needs are worthy of attention and respect.

Greetings.

From your question, it is evident that you are suppressing your needs and feelings, and you desire to alter your understanding of your mood.

The continual repression of one's feelings and needs has a deleterious effect on psychological well-being. When certain emotions remain unexpressed, they may manifest in ways that are not immediately apparent. This can result in a buildup of psychological distress, which may not be readily discernible.

What is the optimal solution to this situation?

Firstly, it is essential to be aware of one's own needs and to identify them. It is also crucial to protect one's feelings and mood at all times, while simultaneously seeking to safeguard one's rights. In the event that the other party engages in behaviour that causes discomfort, it is possible to raise the issue with courage and assertiveness. Similarly, if they act in a manner that infringes upon one's rights, it is possible to take steps to protect oneself.

Secondly, it is possible to seek the assistance of a counselor or other external intervention. This can facilitate a better understanding of one's needs, thoughts, and the challenges that must be faced. Additionally, it can provide insight into one's emotions and help identify the necessary resources.

Ultimately, it is essential to safeguard one's emotional well-being and self-compassion. This entails developing an awareness of one's emotional states and extending self-kindness, courageously articulating one's feelings and needs, finding ways to dissipate negative emotions, embracing the belief that one can cultivate optimal states of being, cultivating relaxation, and aligning one's actions with one's true self.

I wish you the best.

I'm here for you. I know you're going through a tough time. We'll get through it together.

I understand how you feel. The noise and the longing to be understood and respected can really be distracting, especially when you have done your best to be considerate but are not met with the same understanding.

These problems don't define you. How you handle them shapes your future.

I want to praise you because you have many good qualities.

I want to praise your kindness and thoughtfulness. You can put yourself in other people's shoes.

In this fast-paced, self-centered society, your kindness is especially precious. You are kind and considerate.

?

You are patient and rational. When faced with a problem, you don't take drastic action. You try to solve it through communication.

Your maturity and calmness are admirable. You can think rationally even when things go wrong.

?

I praise your courage and perseverance. You haven't chosen to escape or give up, even though you feel tired and helpless.

You're still trying to find a solution, and that's admirable. I believe you'll find what you're looking for if you keep trying.

?

You are sensitive and perceptive. You understand other people's emotions and needs.

This makes you more comfortable in relationships and makes you more caring and understanding.

I also praise your dreams. You want more than what you have now.

You want a quiet and comfortable living environment so you can better care for others. This shows your sense of responsibility and commitment.

?

Your existence is beautiful. Every experience and feeling forms your unique life story.

Live your life to the full and believe in yourself. Face your problems head on because you are worth loving and respecting.

?

In this challenging world, may you be able to be kind and considerate while also caring for yourself. Your efforts will not be in vain, and your future will be better.

We are here to support you. Find happiness and satisfaction. Your sensitivity, thoughtfulness, kindness, and resilience are valuable. Go ahead!

?

Hello! It seems like you've been living in a state of suppression since childhood. Your will has been taken away, and you have no autonomy.

You were forced to vomit after eating something you didn't like. You were punished for it. You learned to force yourself to swallow, even when you didn't want to. I understand why you can't live for yourself.

If you can't express yourself or do what you feel, what are you worried about?

You're living in fear. You're afraid to express your needs because you're afraid of being attacked. You're afraid of disturbing others and being attacked. All your fears are caused by your aggressiveness being suppressed too early.

Your current living environment is not connected to the past. You are an adult, and you can cope with the new environment. Don't let the past control you.

When faced with minor things in life, you can try to break through. For example, in the morning, pull back the curtains to see if you disturb the neighbors. Give a speech at home and speak louder to see if you disturb the neighbors. If someone is queuing behind you and you are not feeling well, tell the other person, "Please leave some space, I don't feel well." Start with these small things to gradually break through your inner fears.

Speak to your upstairs neighbor. Ask her not to make loud noises after 9 pm. Tell her you have trouble sleeping and hope for her understanding. Tell her you understand the difficulty of child rearing. Say that it is inevitable for children to make some noise when they are naughty. Say that you also allow moderate noise during the day. Be considerate of each other.

Not everything has to be a fight. Change your approach and turn enemies into friends. Get what you want.

You have always lived in a state of suppression. You have no power to express your dissatisfaction, and you can only endure exploitation.

You are not the child you once were. Your heart can no longer be bound by past experiences. As Xu Yiming said in "Live Your Life," "circumstances and reality are like the external, tangible rope on the elephant's foot. What binds us is not those external, tangible realities and circumstances, but the many intangible constraints that have been imprinted on our hearts and formed during our growth."

Hope you find the book "Be Yourself" helpful!

Hi, I'm Coach Yu, and I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

First, let's talk about fear. It's a natural human instinct. When someone thinks about being "denied, being negatively evaluated and being afraid," or "being ignored, abandoned and being afraid," or "being violated, being attacked and being afraid," they may feel danger. This kind of fear and worry is normal and understandable. As the original poster wrote, I am very cautious outside, and I can't relax at home either. I'm afraid that the noise will wake up the neighbors, that I'll disturb the neighbors with my loud voice, and I have to be considerate of everything. It's exhausting.

We can ask ourselves when we feel afraid, what are we afraid of?

What emotions and feelings did that bring up for you? What thoughts?

What are some of the most distant memories you can think of? What happened in those situations?

What was going on in your mind at the time?

We can also ask ourselves when we feel afraid, do we think about fighting back? If we do, what would we say and do?

What happened?

We can also think back to our childhood. When I was sick, did I feel scared and fearful when my father spoke loudly? When I was watching cartoons, did I feel scared and fearful when my father switched to the news broadcast without hesitation?

When my dad took the toy from me and threw it across the room, did I feel scared? When I didn't want to eat lamb, my dad yelled at me, threatened to hit me, and made me eat it, did I feel scared?

As time goes by, these memories might have been forgotten by us and pushed out of our conscious minds, but the cells of our bodies remember the feeling. When we come across a similar situation, this bodily memory is triggered, and our whole body feels tense and our breathing quickens.

This is what psychologists call a "complex" or an emotional button.

However, being aware is the first step to making a change, so we can try to get to know our emotions better. When we feel afraid, we can say "stop" in time, take a deep breath, and watch them without judging. Let the emotions come and go freely like clouds, and drift away slowly like fallen leaves in the water. We can also try writing therapy, writing and drawing out our pain and suffering, so that emotions can find an outlet and be released.

We can also try using an empty chair, role-playing, and self-dialogue to create a safe atmosphere, link past events with our current state of mind, and think through our chaotic thoughts so that we can release our negative emotions.

Let's talk about acceptance again. We all have imperfections, and we all have a side of ourselves we don't want to face. People around us are often unwilling to accept this side of us, and we can't always face it ourselves. So, we put on a mask and pretend to be someone we think others will like, but we're tired of living like this.

As the original poster said, I hate my own cowardice. My neighbors are all being themselves, but I can never let loose.

We can ask ourselves what it is that makes us afraid of waking up the neighbors with loud noises. What is it that makes us afraid of disturbing people with loud noises?

We can also ask ourselves, what would the ideal self look like? What is the difference between me and that person?

What can I do about it?

When we start to understand our inner needs, accept ourselves, and know ourselves better, we'll feel a weight lifted off our shoulders. We'll be able to relax our tense hearts and not be harsh on ourselves or force others to fit a certain mold. With a more objective and comprehensive understanding of ourselves, we'll be less affected by external voices and comments. We'll also be better equipped to face problems and difficulties with a calm heart.

At the end of the day, you've got to love yourself.

It's okay to ask for help. Since this bothers you, it's understandable that you're having trouble overcoming it immediately. Try to find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, because the inner shadow must be seen and accepted before habitual negative thoughts can slowly disappear.

We also need to remind ourselves that we've grown up, that we have the strength and ability to protect ourselves, that we can affirm and satisfy our own needs, that we can express and communicate our own thoughts, and that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. Other people's comments are just minor incidents, perhaps just their inner projections. We need to learn to look inward, hug our inner child, become our own inner parent, and when our core is stable, we can more confidently show ourselves.

I'd also suggest reading Embrace Your Inner Child.