Am I my authentic self? How can I trust myself to become my authentic self?

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is one of the most valuable gifts the body can receive.

From your description, I sense a number of inner doubts, confusion, lack of confidence, timidity, pain, and a strong desire to be true to yourself.

I don't intend to delve into the specifics of your distress caused by traumatic experiences during your upbringing. However, I would be remiss if I didn't offer you three pieces of advice.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to try to understand yourself and accept your situation.

I believe that doing so may help to make your heart feel slightly lighter, which could then help you to think about what to do next.

You mentioned that you were bullied in the first grade of elementary school, which led to you becoming withdrawn. In junior high school, although you were different from elementary school, you also experienced verbal attacks. In college, you also realized that you were different from junior high school, but you were also isolated. At this time, you wanted to live your true self, but you felt that you could not do it, so you were in pain. It is understandable that you felt this way, as your experiences and education level have changed, and you are now at a stage where you are becoming more mature and brave. You will gradually want to make yourself truly strong and live your true self. It can also be said that the meaning of life is to live the way you really want to be, and this is not easy. It is important to try to understand yourself and comfort yourself. By "seeing" that painful self who wants to live true but cannot do it for the time being, you will gain extra mental energy to think about other things, otherwise your brain will be filled with all kinds of negative emotions.

It is also important to note that allowing yourself to understand yourself and accept your current state will make it possible to promote change in the status quo. While this may seem contradictory, it is nonetheless true that change is based on allowing for no change.

If I might make a further suggestion, it would be to view your own state in a rational manner.

It may be helpful to consider that rational thinking can assist in gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and of reality.

If you wish to adopt a rational view, you might consider doing the following two things:

It might be helpful to remember that people don't suddenly become who they are overnight. Living your true self is a process that takes time and patience.

It is important to recognize that you have become aware of the issue and are committed to living your true self. This is an important first step in the process of change, and it is essential to recognize the power of time.

Secondly, it is important to recognise that the status quo can be altered, as you have the power to change.

When you take the initiative to act on your own behalf, your state will naturally change, and you will gradually come to know your true self more fully. You are already on the way.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that your current self is different from your previous self. As you have mentioned in your description, your thoughts are maturing, and the knowledge you have gained and the things you have experienced will all make you brave and strong. It might also be beneficial to focus on your own advantages. For instance, the fact that you have come here for help shows that you are motivated. The fact that you are aware of the differences between yourself at different stages shows that you have the ability to reflect. The fact that you now want to live out your true self shows that you have pursuits, etc. When you look more at your own bright spots, it may also make you feel confident in yourself.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to focus on yourself and consider how you can live more authentically.

For instance, you might consider acting with respect for your own feelings. This could involve doing more things that nourish you and make you happy and cheerful. This approach could help to motivate you. With regard to the challenges in your interpersonal relationships, you could try to focus on those that are beneficial and nourishing. I believe that since you were elected to the class committee, there must be someone who supports you. If you are unable to gain the support of everyone, you could look more closely at the people who support you and consider what you can do for them. This could help to gradually turn around your own feelings without forcing others, but by paying attention to your own feelings. This approach could help you to live out your true self more fully.

It might also be helpful to express your emotions in a timely manner. When negative emotions are expressed and allowed to flow, they can have a healing effect, allowing you to live more easily and freely. In the case of being ganged up on and isolated by others, if they say something very offensive, you can also say what you really think at that moment. However, when you do so, it might be beneficial to try to be calm and neutral, as if you are angry, it could mean that you have been influenced by them. If you are not hostile, they cannot hurt you, and you will feel better. This is also a way to slowly live out a powerful version of yourself.

It might be helpful to consider accepting your own vulnerability. This could potentially help you to confront those who isolate you directly, which may be something you are not yet ready or able to do. That's okay, just accept it. All the vulnerability and imperfections in life are not a sign of weakness, but an important starting point for personal growth. It could help you to stop rushing after emptiness and turn back to see the real and warm self. When you try to accept your own vulnerability, you may find that you not only reconcile with yourself (perhaps your previous experience of being bullied made you feel bad and vulnerable, and you don't quite accept yourself. At this time, you have to understand that the timid and scared you at that time has already done a very good job. You let yourself survive and even get into university), but also allow yourself to gradually become stronger, because change is based on the foundation of allowing things to remain unchanged. In short, it's important to remember that you have the capacity to change the current situation.

As you begin to take action, you may find that negative emotions in your heart are gradually resolved. It is often the case that action can be an effective way to address these emotions.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you would like to communicate further, you are welcome to click "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Dear Question Asker,

It is challenging to provide comprehensive guidance on this complex matter within the confines of a brief response. Nevertheless, I endeavor to offer some insights in this reply and to facilitate your understanding of the multifaceted aspects of this issue.

It is challenging to provide comprehensive advice on an inaccurate self-perception based on a limited description of approximately 400 words. Nevertheless, it is my intention to engage in a dialogue with you in my response and to facilitate your exploration of alternative perspectives when you experience confusion regarding this matter.

[It is important to understand and evaluate your current state]

From the description provided in the text, it can be seen that the subject experienced a significant amount of trauma during childhood. This included changes within the family structure, the separation of parents, and also bullying at school. For a young girl under the age of ten at the time, all of these experiences were overwhelming and there was a lack of adult support, whether from family members or teachers.

In order to protect oneself and survive, the mind may develop a psychological mechanism called dissociation, which may be what is repeatedly referred to as "not the real me." In essence, dissociation is a feeling of separation from the self, allowing for emotional isolation and the endurance of traumatic experiences and the fear and pain associated with them.

The aforementioned feelings were present during one's elementary school years, and now, as a college student, one has sought assistance due to the persistence of these feelings. Should the intensity of these feelings continue to deepen or affect one's studies and interpersonal relationships, it is recommended that one consult with a school psychologist or the hospital's psychiatric department for a relevant assessment so that one can receive professional help in a timely manner.

[It is recommended that you practice mindfulness and be mindful of your current feelings.]

Although dissociation may have been beneficial in the past, if it is used as a primary defense against pain, it can lead to a sense of dissonance and unreality. In fact, the individual is now a university student in their twenties, possesses a positive physical appearance, and is capable of serving as a class representative. They are no longer the weak, young girl in the first grade who was too scared to fight back when their desk mate slapped them in the face.

One may consider learning mindfulness online, which involves strengthening one's awareness of the present moment through meditation, including awareness of one's body, emotions, etc., and promoting unity of body and mind. Concurrently, it is advisable to maintain a regular routine, ensure adequate sleep and sufficient energy, which will help one regain a sense of control over oneself.

[Identify an appropriate method for self-healing]

[Identify an appropriate method for healing your wounds]

The traumas you experienced in your childhood are profoundly distressing, and your fortitude and resilience are commendable. It is possible that, as you have observed, you are employing a state of constant numbness to mitigate the pain associated with past experiences. However, these internal wounds have persisted throughout your life. As you compose this lengthy account, certain memories from your past may resurface.

The restoration of one's authentic self may be a crucial step in the healing process. It may entail the withdrawal of the "anesthetic" and the confrontation of repressed negative emotions, including grievances, anger, despair, and pain. This may be challenging, but it is essential to recognize that one is not alone and that seeking assistance from others is a viable option. Engaging in activities such as reading, exercising, keeping a journal, forming genuine relationships, studying psychology, and receiving professional psychological counseling can facilitate the healing process. It is important to identify strategies that align with one's needs and promote the recovery and healing of one's wounds.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that the original poster will enjoy their time in college.

Dear Sir/Madam, From your description, I can ascertain that you are experiencing feelings of helplessness, depression, and conflict. As a psychotherapist, I would like to discuss my understanding from a psychological perspective. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

You were raised in a family environment that was unstable due to changes in the family structure. This has led to feelings of insecurity in your attachment relationships. You experienced violence from your classmates, but you chose to tolerate it. You also feel that you lack support and that your self-esteem is low. Since then, your growth experience has been one of silent endurance, which has also formed an avoidant attachment relationship. You are reluctant to express your thoughts. When you encounter conflicts in relationships, you first try to avoid them. The deep-seated fear and trauma you have experienced are deeply suppressed.

As you progress through adolescence, you will also be integrating your self-identity. You are young and attractive, and the external world is focused on you. You have some inner strength, but when you are envious of others and feel isolated, past issues are reactivated, causing fear and helplessness. However, you still need to act as if nothing is wrong. This is the false self in psychology, but deep down you are still the vulnerable true self. Because your sense of worth depends on external forces and positive external evaluation, you will flourish. However, if you encounter negative external evaluation, you will feel deep fear and torment yourself. In college, you may feel that you have been studying hard to overcome inner pain and hurt, but whenever you encounter similar people or things, you will still be sensitive and triggered.

How can you be true to yourself? You have always wanted to be strong inside and move on from the past.

First, gain an understanding of your own strengths and weaknesses. Consider how you have developed resilience, dedication, and strength over time. When evaluating your experiences, consider both the challenges and the resources you have gained.

The key to postmodern psychology is to live in the present. My teacher encapsulated this concept and provided a summary. Being aware of yourself is essential for personal growth.

Secondly, it is important to accept yourself. Having an understanding of yourself and accepting your current situation will help you to deal with any external challenges. However, there may still be difficulties that you are unable to overcome at this time. In such cases, it is essential to seek guidance and support to enable you to develop and grow. Everyone has imperfections, and it is precisely because of these that we need to learn and develop our strengths. This is the driving force that will enable you to improve yourself, develop your strengths and avoid your weaknesses, and make adjustments.

Third, it is important to learn to express yourself. It is also advisable to identify and utilise resources. In the event that your parents are not available, it is essential to have a primary caregiver, who can also serve as a valuable resource. It is crucial to communicate with your parents about their current situation and gain an understanding of the reasons behind their inability to provide care at this time. Communicating with your parents can also facilitate reconciliation with your past.

Additionally, you may find support from other individuals in your life, such as friends, teachers, or other trusted sources. Seeking professional assistance from a qualified psychotherapist can also be beneficial. This can help you manage and overcome any trauma you may have experienced, allowing you to gain the strength to pursue your interests and integrate your true self with your false self. This process may require time and dedication.

I am pleased to see that you have the strength to realize yourself and change your inherent patterns. Asking for help on this platform is also a form of self-growth. This will help you connect with professionals who can provide assistance. The world and I love you. Learning to love yourself is essential. I am willing to use my professional knowledge to help you. Let's connect!

Good day. I extend my sympathies to you. From your description, I can discern feelings of helplessness, depression, and conflict.

From a psychological perspective, I would like to discuss my understanding of your background. You grew up in an environment with family difficulties and a lack of parental presence, which may have contributed to insecure attachment relationships. You experienced violence from a peer and chose to tolerate it, indicating a sense of unsupported weakness. Consequently, your subsequent growth experiences were shaped by a tendency to endure silently, which also led to the formation of an avoidant attachment relationship.

I am reluctant to articulate my thoughts. When I am confronted with interpersonal conflicts, I initially attempt to circumvent them. At a fundamental level, I am concerned that the traumatic experiences I have endured will remain unresolved.

Adolescence is a period of self-identity formation. During this developmental stage, individuals are still young and may experience a sense of beauty and attractiveness. However, the external world often places significant emphasis on these attributes. While individuals may possess some inner strength, they may also experience feelings of jealousy and isolation. In such instances, past traumatic experiences may resurface, leading to feelings of fear and helplessness. In response to these experiences, individuals may develop a false self, which is a psychological construct that enables them to appear confident and in control. However, this false self is not a genuine reflection of their true self, which remains vulnerable and in need of external validation. The true self is often shaped by external forces and positive external evaluation. Consequently, individuals may flourish when they receive external affirmation but may also experience significant distress when they encounter external negation and belittlement.

At the university level, students may feel as though they have been exerting significant effort to overcome their internal struggles and emotional wounds. However, when they encounter individuals or circumstances that evoke similar feelings, they may still experience heightened sensitivity and a tendency to become triggered.

The following suggestions are offered for your consideration:

First and foremost, it is imperative to be true to oneself. It is crucial to cultivate inner strength and move on from past experiences. The initial step is to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

It is important to be aware of one's strengths and weaknesses and to recognize the ways in which one has developed strength, diligence, and resilience over time. It is also essential to consider both the traumatic experiences and the resources that have shaped one's life. Adopting a present-oriented perspective is crucial for navigating these complexities.

This is the essence of postmodern psychology. My instructor encapsulated this concept in a memorable couplet, which I am pleased to share with you: recognize that this is growth!

Secondly, it is important to accept oneself. While one's external environment may present challenges, it is essential to recognize and accept one's current self. Despite experiencing difficulties and pain, it is crucial to acknowledge one's resilience and ability to persevere.

Third, it is imperative to pursue learning opportunities, seek assistance, and identify resources to facilitate growth. It is through recognizing our imperfections that we can drive ourselves to better ourselves, leverage our strengths, avoid our weaknesses, and implement necessary adjustments.

Fourth, one may also seek professional assistance from a qualified psychotherapist in a secure and structured counseling relationship. This process entails the alleviation and healing of trauma, the empowerment of the self, the engagement in activities that align with one's interests, and the integration of the authentic self with the inauthentic self.

Ultimately, it is my hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial. It is my sincere belief that the world and I love you, and that you need to learn to love yourself. I am willing to utilize my professional knowledge to assist you. Sincerely, Liu Qi, Counselor

Hello, questioner! You ask, "Are you your true self?"

I'm so excited to help you believe in yourself and become your true self! First of all, I want to commend you for observing and thinking about yourself. It is great to be able to observe yourself from the perspective of an outsider.

Let's dive right in and take a look at your detailed description of the problem!

You say you are currently in the first grade of elementary school. In the classroom at the beginning of the first grade, you did nothing, but your classmate pulled you out the door and gave you a few slaps, making you stand in punishment.

There was a family tragedy and your parents were not around. For a year, you were verbally abused. A few girls liked to hang out with your bully of a deskmate, saying that you walked strangely, that you were old-fashioned, and that everything you did was wrong in their eyes. The teacher didn't help you, but instead punished you with corporal punishment because you couldn't finish your homework. But you survived! And you're stronger than ever!

From that moment on, you had an idea, which now seems like an escape. You are not the same person as you were then. You are now a brand new person who will not encounter violence—and that's a wonderful thing!

In junior high school, you were already pretty, boys liked to play with you, and you inevitably experienced verbal attacks. Now you are not the same person as you were then, and the thought occurs to you again that you are the one who will not be hurt. You became the class representative in college, and some people formed cliques to isolate you, saying that as long as they hated you, they would be friends. This time you did not numb yourself.

You have this amazing idea that the way you've been numbing yourself is actually preventing you from being your true self. When you numb yourself, you always feel like your heart is sealed off. There is always a voice inside telling you to feel your true thoughts. Could it be that the brain creates an illusion of someone else in order to escape the pain? Have you always been your true self?

What is the real self? Let's find out together!

Let's dive into the fascinating world of the "true self"! There are two key words in this phrase: "true" and "self." What does it mean to be true?

When it comes to authenticity, it's all about being true to the facts, being true to yourself, and being clear and unambiguous. And let me tell you, the topic of "self" is a big one!

Since people have become aware that although they live in a group, they are an independent individual, they have begun to ponder the philosophical question of "Who am I?" And to this day, there is no definitive answer—which means there's still room for discovery!

Humans have an amazingly diverse range of characteristics! We have animalistic parts, such as instincts and desires; social parts, such as socializing and living in groups; and spiritual parts, such as our understanding of the nature of the universe. So, what is a true self like?

There should be both good and evil; both positive and negative. For example, we see someone who seems like a gentleman, polite and gentle. But what if he has a rude and impolite side, just not showing it to us? It's fascinating to think about the different sides of a person!

Every day, our minds come up with so many amazing ideas! While I can't share them all, everything I do and say is my true thoughts, which may be true to myself.

How can you verify that you are being true to yourself? It's a great question!

If you want to know if you're being true to yourself, ask yourself this: are you saying what you really want to say, or are you just saying what you think the listener wants to hear? It's a great way to check in with yourself and make sure you're being true to your authentic self!

For example, in the description above, when your classmates bully you, you must be angry inside, right? At this time, if you say angry words, this is the real self; if you are forced by them and still act like pleasing them, saying nice things to them, trying to beg them to be nice to you, that is the unreal self. Because we know that humans have evolved over the years, and when faced with others attacking us, our first reaction should be to get angry. It is impossible for someone to hit him in the left foot and still hold out his right cheek for him to hit. So, stand up for yourself!

You can also test whether you are being true to yourself by what you are doing with your hands. When you are about to start doing something or are doing it, think about why you want to do it. Is it something you want to do from the bottom of your heart, or are you influenced by others or some other reason?

We all want to be true to ourselves! So, let's do what we want to do and say what we want to say!

We absolutely need courage to be true to ourselves!

In "The Quiet Confession," there is a saying that really gets you thinking: "Our whole life is about escaping the expectations of others and being true to ourselves." From the moment a person is conceived in his mother's womb, he may already be carrying the expectations of others. Although he continues to grow, the expectations and demands he must carry become more and more numerous. It is not easy to be true to oneself, but it's so worth it!

The famous French thinker Jean-Jacques Rousseau said in his book The Social Contract: "Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains." What he means is that although human beings are born free under the law of nature, this freedom is limited and cannot override the law. Therefore, it takes courage and wisdom for a person to be true to himself. Without wisdom, one may not even know what one wants or what one doesn't want. Without courage, how can one dare to be true to oneself despite the judgment of the world?

Questioner, I really hope this is helpful! The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm June.

Am I being true to myself? The questioner asks this because they know that when faced with similar situations, they need to think differently and try another way to deal with them.

But is this new way of coping safe? It's time to ask yourself: could it cause harm?

You feel apprehensive and scared when faced with the unknown, right?

In primary and junior high school, when faced with bullying from classmates and corporal punishment and verbal abuse from teachers, you must have felt so angry inside that you wanted to fight back immediately. But at the time, you were "weak and alone." You had the strength to stand up to them. You just needed to find the courage.

You invented a way to protect yourself to free yourself from this sense of harm and shame. You told yourself, "The current me is not the same as the previous me. The current me is brand new and will not encounter violence."

You survived using this method and became better and better. But that's not who you want to be. You feel weak and powerless at that time. You want to cry and scold, but you have to pretend to be indifferent. You may even have to please and flatter others. You don't like this side of yourself, do you?

You should know that there is an animal called the "chameleon," a "fickle" arboreal reptile. In nature, it is a well-deserved "master of disguise." It changes its body color without people noticing to escape the aggression of its natural enemies and get closer to its prey. Then, it remains motionless, blending in with its surroundings.

The chameleon's "camouflage" is a survival skill and a way for it to convey information. It doesn't matter what color it turns into, it is still a "chameleon."

When you were young, you had to adapt to your environment by "hiding your emotions" because you were weak. Now that you're strong and outstanding, you want to express yourself by "expressing your emotions." Both are you, both are real.

You might lose something in the process of transformation, but you will succeed if you are fully prepared, know what you want, and believe that you will reap happiness and that you deserve to be happy.

Best wishes!

It seems that being isolated and being attacked is the norm in your growth process, which is really saddening. But don't worry! You can change this. You can choose to feel less hurt, less wounded, and less trauma-stricken.

You may find it difficult to trust others and yourself, and to handle this matter. But you can do it! This situation began in the first grade, which is a critical period in childhood when a person grows from a toddler to a child. The experiences of this period may also have a profound impact on a person's overall character development.

At that time, there were a few people who bullied you. In short, they inflicted some school violence on you, and this violence is still lingering in your mind and refusing to go away. But, you can overcome it! It will slowly blend in and become the background color of your life, a background color of trauma.

You'll feel like the outside world is a scary place, and you'll see them as a challenge to overcome.

Hey, guess what? Even as you grew up to junior high school, high school, and even college, you can realize that those painful experiences have had a significant impact on you. And they are still vivid in my mind!

At the time, you did ask for help, and you were ready to accept it! The teacher even took advantage of the situation to physically punish you.

It seems that your parents didn't give you much help either. But guess what? You can change that! You can choose to feel isolated and helpless, or you can choose to feel empowered and strong. The world is not cruel. You are not alone. You can do this!

If such an impression is formed in a person's heart, it may be difficult to establish good interpersonal relationships in the future. But don't worry! Your parents are not around, you are worried about being hurt, and you feel sealed inside. This just means that the you of now may not be your true self. And that's okay!

You will feel that the world is becoming more and more unreal, and you are becoming more and more unreal. You want to close many things in and keep them inside yourself. Perhaps a part of you is indeed avoiding pain because if you don't face it, you can reduce some of the pain. If you can accept the past and deal with the things you experienced in the past again,

I really think that this could be a great way for you to make a breakthrough! I would highly recommend that you look into some psychological counseling so that you can grow and accept yourself in a warm and accepting environment.

Let yourself make a better breakthrough and face the trauma of the past! Because those people who made those mistakes in the past are in the past, there is no way you can travel back in time to confront them.

The good news is that you can change your own attitude towards your past! This will help you to seek more favorable help in the future when facing the same thing. It's also important to remember that what happened in the past was the other person's fault, and you cannot keep obsessing about it. I also recommend that you read "Simple and Quick Positive Body and Mind Therapy," "When You Let Go of Yourself," and "Ten Minutes of Daily Micro-Lying." Come on!

ZQ?

Hello, my name is Xiang Yuchenghuan, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

It's totally normal to have thoughts that numb you. They're actually a kind of protection for you. They're the defense mechanisms we've developed to protect ourselves from harm. These defense mechanisms were actually very helpful when you were a child, helping you get through those difficulties. However, as we grow older and as our living environment changes, these early defense patterns are not necessarily useful anymore, or they may not be as effective. On the contrary, they may cause us trouble. That's why it's important to upgrade our defense patterns. In addition, our thoughts, ideas, emotions, etc. are not ourselves, because they can be changed. We can adjust our thoughts, we can change our negative thoughts to positive ones, or we can replace unreasonable beliefs with reasonable ones. This will make you feel more harmonious and comfortable.

The true self we're looking for isn't a one-time thing. It's a work in progress! It's a changing, dynamic, and coherent process of self-presentation. And the journey of finding your true self is also a journey of constantly confirming a changing self through the experience of your own thoughts and feelings.

I'd love to offer you some advice!

It's so important to understand and accept yourself, and to see and accept more of the truth about yourself and the outside world. And it's so helpful to develop the ability to face these truths!

I'd highly recommend reading a book called "Accepting an Imperfect Self." We often feel like we can't find our true selves because we have so many parts of ourselves that we don't accept. And because we can't reach these parts, we tend to repress them, making it tough for us to become our whole selves.

It's so important to accept ourselves, our thoughts, and our experiences. We all have defense mechanisms, thoughts, and imperfections. And that's okay! Nobody's perfect, and that's what makes us unique. So, embrace your joys and sorrows, and know that the moon has phases, too. It's these imperfections that make us complete.

When you have a better understanding of your past self, and when your confidence in your current self continues to grow, and when you can see some truths, this will make you feel safer. And when you feel safer, you will accept yourself more, and you will see more truths and feel safer. It's a wonderful cycle! From now on, practice accepting yourself, accepting yourself unconditionally, which will enable you to see and accept more truths about yourself and the outside world, and develop the ability to face these truths.

Our thoughts and ideas are not who we are. We are the masters of our own thoughts, and we can regulate them.

Many of our thoughts and ideas are actually related to our own experiences. Some are good ideas, and some are bad ideas. These bad ideas usually make us feel negative, painful, evasive, and anxious. But, don't worry! These ideas are not unchangeable. What we need to understand is that we have the amazing ability to regulate our own thoughts. We can replace bad ideas with good ones!

You can learn about cognitive therapy, identify your automatic thoughts, find your core beliefs, and replace your irrational beliefs with rational ones. This will help you achieve a state of balance and harmony within yourself. We highly recommend that you read "Cognitive Therapy: Foundations and Applications" and "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy." These books can help you deal with your thoughts and beliefs.

And when we change our thoughts, our state naturally improves!

3. The true self is not a fixed idea or unchanging concept. It's a changing, continuous, dynamic state.

It's so interesting how what we see, hear, and perceive is constantly changing, as are our thoughts and emotions! This is actually the law of nature. You see, the seasons change, trees grow and wither; the mountains and the universe are always changing and in flux; planets form and destroy.

We are also part of the natural order of the universe. Like everything else, we are always changing and in a state of flux, which is totally normal!

We may feel like there's a constant "I" in the world, like there's a real self. But because we have this "I," we want to possess it, become afraid of losing it, want to be better, want many, many things... So when we pursue a constant "I," we become attached, because we want to preserve and normalize something. And as we just said, impermanence is the norm in this world. When we pursue constancy and resist impermanence, suffering will ensue.

So, it's important to embrace the ever-changing nature of life. The real self isn't a fixed concept; it's a dynamic process that connects the past and the future. The past you is you, the present you is also you, and you are wonderfully unique. No one has the same life experience, living environment, or educational background as you. We can build new adaptability on the foundation of restoring the past self because the "real self" is always evolving.

As Lao Tzu said, "No one is waiting for us in the real self. Only when we have the courage to look for it, will the real self be seen and shaped in the process."

Usually, when you find it, you feel a more secure self in a wider world, feeling more included in relationships and more able to make choices. This means that you have been liberated from that stuck position, which is great!

You haven't changed at all! You've simply affirmed yourself, understood the relationship you're in, understood where you are, and also known where you can go.

I hope this is helpful for you! Warm regards,

It's unfortunate to encounter school bullying. You should seek external help as soon as possible. Since the teacher is not responsible and ignores you, you can tell your closest people—your parents—to help you better. The article didn't mention what the situation was like, so I don't know how you withstood it. You've worked hard.

On the bright side, you're lucky that it hasn't caused any serious long-term issues. You can still go to university and be a class committee member, which is great. Regarding what you said about "being your true self," if you're realistic about things like time, place, and who you are

What are you doing? The answers are all real and correctly positioned. There's no auditory hallucination or delusion. You're just being your true self.

Past avoidance and numbness are all defense mechanisms that help you cope with difficult situations. They're effective ways for you to survive. Everyone has their own defense mechanisms. Just as we all wear different masks at different times to suit our social roles, to keep work, study, and life running in an orderly manner, there's no doubt that we're still ourselves, our true selves, at different times and in different situations.

You, the university student and class committee member, have been isolated. Don't be afraid, my child. You can talk to the person who isolated you and ask why. If it's our own little problem that caused this, we can fix it and resolve the matter peacefully. However, if they behave for no reason, regularly, they must not be tolerated. You must tell your parents, your teachers, and even the school principal to stop this unfair treatment and curb this evil force. Because the evil claws have reached out for you, and you can avoid it once or twice. If they are vicious and just keep avoiding it, it seems that the problem will not be solved.

What do you think?

You're not alone, and you're not the same person you were before. You've got yourself, external help, and support, and things will definitely get better.

The little people haven't treated you very nicely. Don't be sad. Your world is still vast. Hold your head up high. You deserve a better life and future. Best wishes to you.

Your words distress me.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I'm honored to discuss your problem.

You are kind and polite, but you were bullied. I can tell. You were aggrieved, sad, and upset.

You prevented yourself from being overly saddened by telling yourself, "I am not the same person as I was just now; I am a brand new person who will not encounter violence." This belief undoubtedly protected you from harm.

I'm going to tell you a story now, although I don't know if you've heard it before. Here it is:

Epictetus, a Greek philosopher from the Megarian school, once borrowed money from a friend. When the friend came to collect the debt, Epictetus told him, "I borrowed the money, so go ask me in the past for it!" The friend then beat him up. Epictetus was angry, but his friend said to him, "I beat you up, so go ask me in the past for it!"

The reason the perpetrator dares to abuse others without restraint is because the cost to him is too low and he encounters little resistance. I have also been bullied before, and I was also someone who was afraid to fight back. But when I fought back one day, that person was afraid to bully me anymore. I will always fight back immediately, either by expressing my feelings or telling him that I am not someone to be bullied, whenever I change environments and someone starts to bully me.

Kindness is not a bad thing. However, it should not become a reason for being weak and condoning the perpetrators of violence.

I hope you find these personal experiences useful.

The world and I love you!

I looked at your question yesterday and thought the answers were clear. I also thought it's not a big problem. Today, I'll give a few more reasons.

1. You are a sensitive person with a strong spirit.

It doesn't matter if it's about school, your parents, or college. Everyone has worries. Pressure and negative emotions can be turned into motivation.

2. You are outstanding. Bullying in school didn't stop you.

What makes you so good?

3. You are thoughtful. I told you your problem is not a big deal. It's common for people your age. You are better at identifying and thinking about problems.

I also have similar problems regarding the concept of self, the id, and the superego. There is a saying, "Give it to me now, and see if what I say makes sense after you've done it well." It's like the recent prophecy of an Internet knife seller. At that time, five words will float in the sky: "That's not a problem."

As you gain life experience, you will become more confident.

Hello.

You have had a rough time growing up, and I understand why you're depressed. If I were in your situation, I would feel the same way. I don't know how you have been able to get through all these years on your own.

You have been exposed to various forms of school violence since the first grade, all the way through university. Prolonged extreme depression has led to your present state of trance. It seems that no one has ever reached out to you in your life, not even to give you a hug or say a kind word. I admire your perseverance. What has kept you going all these years?

You have already attended university and served as a class representative. You are wise, courageous, and strong.

[Rebuilding the self]

When a person is faced with such tremendous mental pressure, they must seek professional help to get rid of the depression faster and more effectively and to regain their composure.

In his book, The Ladder to Heaven, psychiatrist Winnicott provides several examples of how trauma and stress in childhood can affect and harm brain neurons. In the chapter "The Crow," he describes a 16-year-old boy named Ted who exhibits the same symptoms you describe: feeling like a robot, detached from the outside world, and numb. These are all symptoms of dissociation. As the doctor got to know him, he understood what had made his brain protect him from the world.

Ted has witnessed domestic violence since elementary school.

I understand how you have been in a state of high tension for a long time (symptoms of hypervigilance). In those bullying scenes, you could only choose "war or escape." You have now grown up, and you need to learn how to deal with stress. You can do this. You just need to mentally learn how to deal with the stress in your life in a healthier, more comfortable, and more creative way. A consistent and stable counseling relationship is the most powerful weapon for transformation.

[Self-help and helping others]

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. I only started studying psychology in July of this year, but I have already made a significant impact. I have personally experienced a lot of childhood trauma, but psychology has opened a window for me, allowing me to see brand new possibilities and my own talents. I am determined to use my knowledge to help others. In the process, I have also slowly healed. I strongly suggest that you start studying psychology when you have the time. If being a class representative is such a drain on your energy, why not spend that time and energy loving yourself?

I highly recommend another very useful book: "Unleashing the Inner Child: The Art of Emotional Healing." Choose one or two of these to practice. I guarantee you will benefit. In particular, paper tearing collages will help you break away from your old self and rebuild a brand new one.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. If you find it useful, please click "Like."

The text shows that the questioner is transforming step by step, becoming stronger and more powerful, and getting closer to the real self. That's impressive!

The questioner has not been defeated by growing up in an unfriendly environment. In fact, it has made them more determined to "be oneself." How did they do it?

The questioner realizes that there are two distinct selves: the self immersed in the past when recalling memories and the self looking back at the present after recall is over. These two selves are both the "real you," but they are in different time and space contexts and have different feelings.

The questioner may feel disoriented because the "real you" who travels through these scenes and time may not be the same person. You may not believe or be unsure that the you of the present and the you of the past are the "same person," and you may not believe or be unsure that everything in the present is real because they are so different.

You may not believe it, but you actually have a lot of energy within you.

There are undoubtedly more facets of the "real you" waiting to be discovered, such as the cute, lovable you.

To avoid getting lost in time travel, the questioner must observe the space around them, name the objects in their line of sight, move their body, touch something, and bring their thoughts back to the present.

I am certain of this, and I hope my reply has been helpful. Best wishes!

Good day. I am a Heart Exploration coach. I want to assure you that everything is going to be okay. I empathize with your situation. It seems that you have lacked the support and guidance of your parents and teachers since childhood, and you have been bullied at school for an extended period. It is clear that you have suffered significant psychological distress.

During the experience of these injuries, the questioner developed the idea of a "present self" that is invulnerable to harm. This is because only the "past self" is susceptible to injury. As I am no longer the "past self," I will no longer experience hurt, anger, injustice, or sadness.

This type of thought is common in individuals who have experienced traumatic situations. It is a natural protective mechanism that allows them to distance themselves from the pain of the injury. However, this separation has led to some challenges, including a sense of not being their true selves.

I recommend that the individual in question visit the psychiatry department of a local tertiary hospital, where a psychiatrist can assess and diagnose their mental health status, determine whether a dissociative state is present, and prescribe appropriate symptomatic treatment and psychotherapy.

It is evident that the trauma of your childhood has had a lasting impact on you. However, during the course of your narrative, there was a notable absence of emotional expression. It is possible that you were unable to fully acknowledge the pain, which may have led to the development of an emotional isolation that serves as a protective mechanism for your continued survival and growth.

It is essential for the questioner to learn to recognize their emotional and physical reactions.

You previously held the role of class representative in college, which led to the formation of cliques that sought to isolate you. This time, you did not resort to self-numbing as you suspected that this approach may have prevented you from becoming your true self. When you numb yourself, you experience a sense of something being sealed inside, accompanied by a persistent voice urging you to embrace your authentic thoughts.

Given your growth and maturity, you have the fortitude to safeguard your well-being. You are motivated to draw upon the strength of your authentic self from the past to confront the present challenges. You are determined not to revert to a previous state of being, which indicates your resilience and capacity to navigate reality. I commend you for this achievement.

I then facilitate the recognition of genuine thoughts and feelings.

In the event of a traumatic situation, it is important to identify the feelings that arise. These feelings can be described using one or more emotional words, such as "isolated," "angry," "sad," "aggrieved," "upset," "heartbroken," "shocked," or "scared." These are examples of emotional words that can be used to describe the feelings experienced. The questioner can undertake further exercises to experience the emotional responses in more depth.

Additionally, the questioner should be aware of the physical reactions to harmful situations, such as an increased heart rate, shallow breathing, facial redness, muscle tension, and difficulty concentrating. It is important to be mindful of these physical responses.

Once you have identified your emotional and physical reactions, you can then ask yourself, "What is my mind thinking?" This can be done even if you are aware of your thoughts.

Further exercises will assist in understanding your cognitive model, which will facilitate a deeper comprehension of your true self. As you progress, you will gain a closer understanding of your true self.

Should one individual's resources prove insufficient, the questioner is encouraged to seek the assistance of a qualified counselor to navigate the challenges presented by the trauma.

I hope you will be able to resolve this issue soon and wish you the best of luck.

Hello, I'm Look.

The questioner describes the situation as follows: "There were family changes, and my parents were not around. Verbal abuse lasted for a year...in their eyes, I did everything wrong."

It's clear that you lacked parental support during this process and were treated unfairly by classmates and teachers. This experience has caused you to develop a series of "defensive mechanisms" to protect yourself.

✅ A defense mechanism

It's an unconscious mental process that helps us deal with stressful thoughts and feelings.

✅ "Ego and Defense Mechanisms"

In her book, Anna Freud lists ten defense mechanisms that occur in the work of her father, Sigmund Freud: repression, regression, reaction formation, isolation, withdrawal, projection, internalization, turning against oneself, reversal to the opposite, and sublimation or displacement.

There are several different defense mechanisms.

Regression is when you return to an earlier state of mental and physical development, which is seen as "less demanding and safe."

Reaction formation is when you act in a way that is the opposite of what your unconscious mind would normally suggest. It often involves exaggerated effects.

Projection is when you feel something that's considered socially unacceptable. Rather than facing it, you project it onto other people.

Give this a try:

Take a moment to recognize yourself.

It's okay if others don't trust you. You can trust yourself. It's also okay if others don't approve of you. You can approve of yourself.

Have faith in yourself.

Sometimes it's not that you've done something wrong. When someone attacks and questions you, you can choose not to accept it. See your own merits, play to your strengths, and boost your self-confidence a little every day.

"Seeing" yourself

"There's always a voice inside telling me to feel my true thoughts." It's normal to have such thoughts, which shows that your "inner self" is always protecting you. Then, feel your true thoughts.

"Focus on the feelings you're experiencing. Accept that these feelings are a part of you, but don't dwell on them. Don't judge or analyze them, and don't let them become your identity. Stay present and observe your inner self, not just to understand your emotional pain, but also to recognize the silent observer within. This is the power of the present, the power of your own conscious presence."

Then, take a look at what happens next.

This is just a quick note to wish you all the best, Look.