An 18-year-old high school girl in grade 12, has poor relationships with classmates, dislikes studying, skips classes, and is prone to anxiety. What should be done?

Dear classmate, if I may suggest, perhaps you could try taking a deep breath, relaxing, learning to meditate, and slowly calming down.

Have you noticed that there are many ordinary people here who are just as troubled as you are? It's important to remember that you are not alone.

It can be challenging to know where to turn for help.

Ultimately, you have the power to overcome difficulties. However, if you had the following four types of social resources behind you, you might find it easier to support yourself and avoid feeling alone, dear. Ask yourself if you can find the following four people to help you.

1. A psychological coach from the community

Who treats you with the gentleness and care of a newborn, taking the time to understand your hurts and challenges, supporting you as you navigate the world and your relationships with parents and others with courage and optimism, and believing in your abilities?

2. A teacher who is there for you

This teacher is there for you, ready to listen and offer support whenever you need it. You can turn to her for guidance and encouragement, just as you can share the joy of growing up together.

3. Companions who grow up with you

It might be helpful to find classmates and friends in similar situations, encourage and support each other, and make progress together.

4. It might be helpful to consider seeking support from your parents.

I understand that you have mentioned that you are unable to communicate with your father. I would like to suggest a book that I believe could be helpful for you. It is called "Mom, Mania and Me," and it teaches you how to protect yourself in front of your parents. I think it could be beneficial for you as long as you are able to gain their support and understanding.

You may find it helpful to share the same thing with the above four people four times without getting tired. It may also be beneficial to seek out additional resources, as this could provide more opportunities to share.

You might find it helpful to ask a professional psychological coach to help you find resources. Perhaps you could meet the right psychological expert on this platform.

I care about you and I understand what you're going through. I've been in a similar situation, and I'm here to support you. I'm committed to being a source of strength and guidance for you as you navigate this journey.

Hello! I see your dilemma and I'm excited to help!

I can see that you're feeling a bit timid and anxious right now, but I admire your desire to change. It's okay, let's take our time and make sure we do it right!

First, recognize your own uniqueness! Everyone is an independent individual with their own unique qualities. You are different from other students, and that's a good thing! Don't question yourself or define your performance based on an excessive need for recognition from others. Be your own staunch supporter and appreciate yourself from the bottom of your heart. You're on your way to becoming the person you want to be!

Second, adjust your expectations. On the one hand, lower your expectations of the outside world. How others judge you, how they see you, their emotions, and so on are all things you cannot control, and they are not within your control. Excessive attention and interpretation will only make you more confused. On the other hand, give more expectations to yourself and do the things you can control, such as your goals, your use of time, your habit development, who you associate with, and so on. These are things you can choose and control yourself. You might as well put in more effort! As you become more and more able to do these controllable things better, you may find that your original worries and doubts have been resolved.

Third, don't push yourself. Remain friendly and sincere. If you're not good at small talk, be a warm listener. If you don't like arguing, draw a line and isolate yourself. You don't have to explain yourself to everyone all the time, nor do you have to please everyone. Don't push yourself or others. Be more simple with your expectations of yourself. The world may be a simpler place, and I believe that a more confident and composed you will meet more friends with the same frequency.

Embrace your true self and let your light shine! It'll illuminate the way for you.

I wish you new discoveries every day!

Hello! I'm WeiZhiPeng from Yi Xinli. I just wanted to let you know that systemic psychotherapy is one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy, along with psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy.

I'm not sure if I understand you correctly, but it seems like you want to make some changes in your first year of high school. I get the feeling that you're looking for a different social experience than what you had in the past.

You've tried a few things, and it seems like the results weren't quite what you were hoping for. You've since taken some steps to cope, but you've also become less inclined to go to school.

To sum up, you've found a way to deal with your social inadequacy by leaving school.

It seems like your parents don't agree with this method, which is totally understandable. They've even provided you with a coping method, which is really thoughtful of them. But this doesn't seem to be the result you want, and I guess you resorted to "suicide" in order to leave school.

I totally get it. Suicide is also a way to deal with social problems at school.

I hope I'm right in thinking you're looking to change schools or classes.

Or maybe you could take a year off (passive class change)? I'm just wondering if these methods are something you could do.

Or maybe you're trying to use these methods but are having trouble because your parents don't agree?

I'm wondering if the situation I described applies to you. Or, if not, are you facing other challenges?

I'd love to know your thoughts on this! Please, do tell me.

Hello there!

I totally get you. You want to be an amazing student, get along with your classmates, and be respected by them, your parents, and your teachers. But you're struggling. You have poor grades, you don't get along with your classmates, you're afraid to interact with them, and you're always afraid of being teased. You can't ignore them like your mom says. You feel so guilty that you pretend to be sick and avoid school. But this makes you feel even worse. You want to be honest with your parents and tell them you're not sick, but you have anxiety and social phobia. You want to go to a psychologist, but your parents don't understand and instead scold you for being crazy. This makes you feel like you have no way out and you choose to hurt yourself.

My dear child, I want you to know that you are in this situation partly because of the stage of life you are in. You are in adolescence, which is a very special period of life. Children at this age are particularly sensitive and vulnerable, always feeling that everyone is looking at them. They have a particularly strong sense of self-esteem and a particular desire for recognition and praise from others, so they pay particular attention to what others think of them.

It's totally normal to feel like you're not at your best during this period. Your abilities in various aspects are still developing, especially in the psychological aspect. It's also normal to not have a comprehensive understanding of many things yet. It's okay if you sometimes fall into conflicts. You're facing the college entrance exam and future employment choices, and the pressure of learning is also increasing. Many parents don't understand this, which can make it feel like your parents don't understand you. It's a tough time for many kids.

So, adolescence is actually a period of psychological crisis, and many children will face the same predicament as you. It's totally normal!

I'm telling you this because I really hope you can take a longer-term view of your problems. Your life is still long, and you can take things slowly and improve little by little through learning.

On the other hand, your parents' parenting style, educational philosophy, and upbringing might also be a factor. Don't worry, though! You're not at fault. You're just encountering some obstacles on the path of growth.

I can see that you're working really hard, trying your best to adjust, and that you're open to help from others.

You've got this! Don't give up on yourself. Take a slightly longer view. As long as you find the right direction, make timely adjustments, and get appropriate help in areas such as how to integrate yourself, take others' comments in perspective, cultivate self-confidence, and develop the right interpersonal communication model, you will definitely be able to get through this crisis in your life and achieve good development.

I think it would be really helpful for you to go and see the school psychologist. You could also ask them to speak to your parents.

You're doing great! It's so important to be open with your parents about what you're going through. If they're not ready to see a psychologist, don't worry! You can ask them to take you to a counselor instead. You've got this!

I really hope Hongyu's reply can help you, and thank you so much for asking!

Hello, child. I hope my answer helps.

I can see you're distressed. Do you feel your anxiety comes from your relationship with your classmates? You know you need help, but your father won't let you see a psychologist. I'm here for you.

Here's some advice:

How do I tell my parents I want to go to counseling?

Parents may not know about psychological counseling. You can explain what it is and why you need it. You should understand it yourself.

Psychological counseling is a process that uses psychology to help people with mental health problems. It looks at the reasons behind problems and helps people change and grow.

Psychological counseling is for normal people. Normal people have normal intelligence and brain function.

If mental problems are caused by low intelligence or brain damage, go to a neurologist or mental health center. They will give you medicine and treatment. But for severe depression and other problems, medicine and counseling work better together.

What are the types of counseling?

1. Counseling can be developmental or health-related.

Developmental counseling helps people grow, find a career, and heal from past trauma.

Healthy psychological counseling includes emotional distress and relationship difficulties.

2. Counseling can be individual or group.

3. Counseling can be short-term (1-3 weeks), medium-term (1-3 months), or long-term (more than 3 months).

4. Counseling can be divided into four types: psychoanalytic, behavioral, cognitive, and humanistic.

5. Counseling can be done in person, by phone, or online.

…………

If you can't convince your parents, go to the school's counseling room and ask for a psychological assessment. You can also ask the counselor to talk to your parents.

Use non-violent communication when talking to your parents.

Communication is about understanding each other, developing your relationship, and finding a solution that works for both of you.

To communicate non-violently, state the facts, express your feelings, needs, and ask for action.

Tell your parents you're feeling down and don't have the energy to do anything. Say you don't want to go to class, read, or play. Tell them you feel bad and uncomfortable and don't know what to do. Ask for their support and care. Say you need to see a psychologist to adjust your state. Ask to go this weekend.

This kind of communication helps parents understand you better. If they are willing to express themselves, you can invite them to do so. This helps you understand each other better.

If you're afraid to speak directly, you can also write. They'll understand you when they read it.

If your parents don't understand and you are really troubled, find professional psychological help.

When you find a way out of your troubles, you start to heal.

About socializing

1. See how the "spotlight effect" affects you.

The "spotlight effect" is when you think your problems are worse than they really are. For example, you go to a party and think your hair is messed up, but it's just the breeze.

You're about to open the door, but a mirror makes you think your clothes are messy and your hair is a mess. It seems like everyone is looking at you and whispering about your "unlucky appearance."

You feel nervous, even though you shouldn't. This is called the spotlight effect.

The spotlight is brighter in our minds than in reality. This means we overestimate how others see us.

You get nervous when talking to other people because you think they're paying special attention to you.

The truth is, we're not that important and people don't pay much attention to us. So relax, let go, and be true to yourself.

Be yourself and you'll feel more comfortable. People who like you will accept and support you, even if you're different. People who don't like you may still reject you, but you can still like yourself.

2. Treat other people's comments correctly.

How do we handle other people's opinions?

We're all different and have our own ways of evaluating people.

We like, recognize, and support people who meet our standards. We dislike, deny, and doubt people who don't.

If we meet someone's expectations, they'll like us. If we don't, they'll reject us.

It doesn't matter if the other person recognizes you or not. What matters is whether you match their evaluation criteria. We can't control other people's thoughts and actions. We can't always meet everyone's evaluation criteria.

Life is hard for everyone. You don't have to live up to other people's standards or force others to live up to yours. You don't have to seek everyone's understanding and approval.

We don't have to sacrifice ourselves to gain or maintain relationships. It doesn't matter if you're liked or disliked. The important thing is accepting yourself.

We don't live to please others. If we seek approval and care about what others think, we'll live according to others' expectations and lose our true selves. This is not the life we want.

Take back control of your self-evaluation. Treat yourself as an outsider and be honest with yourself. You'll understand yourself better and know what you want.

When you live your true self, your relationships improve. Bad relationships end when you stop pleasing others and start caring about yourself.

● Socialize selectively.

Everyone needs to socialize. Socializing can give us a sense of belonging and security, but we need to be selective. Don't socialize with people who negate and undermine you. Instead, socialize with people who encourage and support you.

If you're stressed about socializing, adjust how often you do it until it's right for you. Don't force it, and take care of your feelings.

Let it out!

Feel your feelings. Don't hide them. Express them when you need to. You can use the following methods:

1. Socialize with the right friends and talk about your worries. Those who support you and make you feel comfortable are the right friends.

2. Exercise to relax your body and mind.

3. Write your feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about handwriting or logic. Just express yourself.

4. Punch a pillow or sandbag to release your anger.

5. Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. Place an empty chair in a room and assume the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair.

Good luck!

Good morning, I am writing to express my concern about the confusion you are facing. Please accept my sincere apologies for the emotional distress you are experiencing. I am here to support you and I want to reassure you that you can talk to me about anything. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I am here for you. Best regards,

Please be assured that what you are experiencing now is simply a phase that will pass. I offer you my support and encouragement.

You may have had a negative experience when you spoke to your classmates at the beginning of the new semester.

Subsequently, you perceived that your classmates and teachers were derisively laughing at you.

It is possible that you have been affected by the "spotlight effect" in psychology.

During your high school years, the majority of students were preoccupied with preparing for the college entrance exam. Consequently, there was limited attention paid to your interpersonal relationships with classmates.

Furthermore, you are still affected by the negative experience of attending class in your first year of high school.

You informed your father that you wished to see a psychologist. I imagine you felt disheartened when you were labelled as "nuts".

I would like to extend another invitation for a hug, this time through the screen.

I believe it would be beneficial for you to seek the assistance of the school psychologist.

The school counselor is available to provide her services free of charge.

It is important to note that the school psychologist may also request a meeting with your parents if she deems it necessary.

Furthermore, your father may be able to provide a more receptive audience for the insights shared by the psychology teacher.

After attempting suicide, you returned to school where your classmates inquired about your well-being. This indicates that they still care about you.

As a further solution, you may wish to inform your teacher that you are currently unable to interact with your classmates in an amicable manner. This is likely due to difficulties you encountered during your freshman year, which have resulted in feelings of apprehension and distress regarding your academic performance.

As a final option, request a transfer to a different class.

Once you have transferred to a different class, your current symptoms may improve.

I am hopeful that you will be able to find an effective solution to the problem you are facing in the near future.

This is the extent of my current knowledge.

I hope my response is helpful and inspiring. I am available to answer any further questions you may have. Please study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and your loved ones.