Hello! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.
I totally get it! I used to have the same worries as you, especially when posting on my Moments. I was really concerned about the number of likes and comments. If there were some bad comments about me, I would dwell on it and become really entangled in internal conflict. Back then, the purpose of posting on my Moments was also to get likes and the attention of others because I was really lacking in affirmation and attention. I cared so much about the number of likes and comments from others because I felt like I needed to be recognized and paid attention to. Now that I've become a person who is sufficiently recognized and respects myself, I don't need to determine my own existence through the number of likes and comments from others because I am really sure of myself. I have a stable and constant object within me, and I will have a sense of security. Even when faced with criticism and negativity from others, I can still understand and accept myself.
I really want to help you, so here's my advice:
1. Take some time to think about what your unmet needs are. Your unmet needs might be the reason you're having trouble concentrating on your work right now.
When you read his comment, what unmet need is causing you to feel uncomfortable? Is it the need to be affirmed? I'm here to help you figure it out!
When he says that your writing is unoriginal and a bit bland, you feel that it really is not very good. So you think that this means "not good," but he only said that it is unoriginal and a bit bland, and did not say that it is "not good." Perhaps from his point of view, your writing is outstanding, with clear logic, a clear structure, and rich in philosophy. But perhaps the content is all about things he already knows, so he uses his own standards to judge it and feels that it does not give him the "surprise" he wants. This does not mean that it is also bland and unoriginal for other people. The reason you are caught up in this is because you feel his negativity, and you even feel that it is a kind of rejection of you – you are worried that others will form a negative opinion of you personally because of this comment.
I can see that this is what you're most afraid of: negative comments and rejection from others about who you are as a person.
Maybe your main need is to be recognized, because you don't recognize yourself enough and you lack internal recognition of yourself. It's totally normal to want external recognition! But when you don't get it, it can be really scary because you're afraid that others won't like you. And what does it mean if others don't like you? Does it mean that you're not good enough?
Does it mean you're not valuable? Does it mean you're not worthy of love?
But you know, whether we are good enough, whether we are valuable, and whether we are worthy of love is not defined by others, and even less so by someone you have never met and who knows nothing about you, based on just one article!
It's so important to recognize our own needs and learn to satisfy them. When you crave recognition from others, it's not enough to care whether others recognize you or not. You need to learn to supplement your own psychological nutrition and recognize and affirm yourself. Even if others deny you, you can still choose to support and affirm yourself, rather than identifying with others' denial and beginning to doubt yourself. This way, you can gradually have a stable core.
2. Return the other person's evaluation to them. It's not yours, it's theirs, and you don't have to agree with it or accept it.
We can also try to respond to other people's comments in a way that shows we're not agreeing with them. For example, Li Zhongying once suggested saying something like this: When someone points out something they think you could improve on, you can thank them for their feedback and then move on.
In other words, when the other person has finished expressing himself, it's important to remember that it's only his expression and has nothing to do with you. You can then return his evaluation to him, which is only his evaluation, not yours. You can also say goodbye to him, which is also saying goodbye to his evaluation.
You can also give this exercise a try, which is called "Surrender on the chessboard." Doing it over and over again can help us establish boundaries and inner order. So, make sure you practice it often!
First, you need to figure out what you're responding to. This is someone else's opinion, criticism, or evaluation of you. Let's say it's, "My writing is unoriginal and a bit bland."
Then, it's time to experience this evaluation and feel what it's like to have someone make this evaluation of you. You've already done this, and it was a very deep experience, but we'd like to do the next step a little more.
Then, take a moment to really feel what shape and texture the opinion is, and where in your body it is located. You might find it's a sharp, smelly, hard stone in the heart area, for example.
Next, take a deep breath, take two steps back, and enter the role of the observing self. See that in your subconscious mind there is a chessboard, and the thing you just evaluated has landed in a certain position on the chessboard.
You see that this chessboard is your own, and there is another chessboard that belongs to someone else. We return this pile of evaluations, which came from the other person's chessboard, to them.
You say, "Thank you for your comment, but I appreciate that it's only your opinion, based on your background, and that it doesn't apply to me."
Then, you just pop the object right back onto the other person's board.
Take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I don't need to let this become a part of me. I choose to remove this from my subconscious because it does me no good. I don't need to load up on this. Thank you for this experience, it has made me stronger."
3. Nurture your sense of self-worth and create a supportive inner circle to help you make decisions that are right for you. This way, you can stay calm and confident in your choices, even when others have different opinions.
As I mentioned before, it's because we don't have a stable internal evaluation system and an internal sense of certainty about ourselves that we can be swayed by external evaluations. But when you have a very stable internal self-evaluation system, when you are very sure of how you exist, when you are clear about your own good and bad points, your strengths and weaknesses, your strengths and weaknesses, what you want and don't want, etc., then you can achieve the state that Mr. Dong Yuhui talks about: when everyone says I'm good, I know I'm not really that good; and when everyone scolds me, I know I'm not really that bad. That's why Mr. Dong Yuhui is so stable in the face of the chaos in the outside world: he knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. He's not confused by all kinds of voices, but can calmly and unswervingly do what he really wants to do.
So, take a moment to get back to yourself. What was your original intention for creating? Was it just to get more likes and comments?
Or maybe you're just inherently passionate about creating, and even if someone rejects it, you can still stick to your own creative path and still enjoy the creative process?
You've got the answer right there inside you. The above is just a helpful guide. Sending you lots of love!
Comments
I understand how much it can hurt to receive criticism, especially when you put your heart into something. Maybe focusing on the feedback as an opportunity to learn could help shift your perspective. Every writer has their own journey and not every piece will resonate with everyone. It's important to remember that.
It sounds like this comment has really weighed on you. Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to not be perfect. Everyone has off days or moments where their work doesn't turn out as expected. Try to embrace the imperfections and see them as part of your growth as a writer.
You've opened up about feeling stuck because of what others think. One thing that might help is setting personal goals for your writing that aren't based on external validation. Write for the joy of expressing yourself rather than seeking approval. This can take the pressure off and make the process more enjoyable again.
I can relate to how tough it is when someone's opinion shakes your confidence. But remember, one person's view doesn't define your worth or talent. Maybe try sharing your work with trusted friends or mentors who can offer constructive feedback. They might highlight strengths you didn't even notice.
It's clear you're passionate about your writing, and that's what matters most. Consider using this experience as fuel to refine your craft. Not all feedback will be positive, but it's how you respond that shapes your path forward. Keep experimenting and evolving in your style.