Are you always torn between the decision to get married?

Hello, questioner!

I'm here for you, and I'm ready to listen.

It's tough to give advice on the pressures and problems you're facing in your romantic relationship with just a short description. Even so, I'd love to chat with you in my answer and support you as you explore more possibilities when you're feeling torn and troubled by this.

It's always good to remember that there's a reason behind every question.

It's totally normal to feel anxious about getting married. But it's also okay to feel anxious about whether you can establish and maintain a long-term, stable, intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex. We all have past experiences that shape our present feelings and beliefs. Maybe you've had some bad experiences with gender relationships and marriage, or maybe you've heard stories about "domestic violence" or "couples quarrels." These experiences can make it challenging to believe that there can be a harmonious and happy gender relationship around you, let alone imagine that you can be lucky enough to enter the ideal marriage.

When you ask this question right now, even though you're still a little unsure and have lots of different feelings, it helps you to understand what you really want from life. Do you want to get married? Or do you want to live on your own or with someone else?

[The question is also an opportunity]

You haven't fully seen your heart yet, but you've been accepting the idea of a blind date. There might still be a little bit of resistance inside, but that's okay! Until you met your recent blind date, the other person's personality was quiet and similar to yours. You can basically meet once or twice a week, and you can always chat!

This experience is different from what you felt before, and you suddenly feel a glimmer of hope in your heart. You may want to continue to try. At this time, your past negative experiences have aroused complex emotions in you. On the one hand, you feel that this may be an opportunity for you to change; on the other hand, you are afraid that after getting too close to the other person, you will be disappointed and hurt. Therefore, you choose to be passive and avoid.

The last few sentences you wrote in the text are really encouraging! When you were a child, you "hid in your own little world," but now that you've grown up, you "can't hide anymore."

[You're doing great! Keep up the good work!] [Accept yourself and allow yourself to express yourself]

You mentioned that you feel insecure, that you're not very sociable and a bit withdrawn, that you're afraid of others intruding into your world, and that you never talk to your family members. It's possible that you formed an avoidant attachment in your original family. This is where, if you get too close, you worry about being controlled by the other person and losing your independence. If you rely too much on the other person, you worry about being abandoned and hurt. You also said that you'll ignore and not respond to the other person's ambiguous words, that you don't look forward to meeting and don't want to open up, and that you'll walk quickly after dinner, wanting to go home quickly.

These may be interactions that you're not used to, which can make you feel a little uncomfortable and uneasy. It's totally normal! At this time, you can remind yourself that this is just the kind of person you are in a relationship with, who needs to take things slowly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a bit cautious.

At the same time, you can also tell the other person, in the kindest way, that you felt pretty good when you met and chatted, but you are not yet used to responding enthusiastically and straightforwardly. You hope to spend more time getting to know each other!

I really hope the original poster can live the life they want and be happy!

Hello! I'm Warm-hearted Girl 1219, and I'm happy to answer your question about Yi Xinli.

You're unsure if you should keep dating the man you met through a matchmaking service.

You are introverted and like to hide. You are afraid of people breaking in, violence, and arguments.

You rarely talk to your family. Is it related to your childhood? I hope you can talk more with them and let them help you get through this.

I have some suggestions for you.

1. Ask yourself if you want to get married or stay single.

I wonder if you liked this relationship-but-you-do-want-to-get-married-20244.html" target="_blank">blind date. Do you like him?

Do you want to be with him? Or are you planning to spend the rest of your life with someone because of your age?

You don't dislike him, but you don't like him much either. When you're with him, you always want to escape.

You think it's your personality. You prefer to be alone and sometimes want to die alone. But you can't avoid it anymore, now that you're in your 30s.

No matter what, take a deep breath and listen to your heart.

Be true to yourself to find happiness!

If you want to get married, you can spend more time with the man you met on a blind date.

If you want to get married, you have to take the time you spend with the man seriously. Otherwise, he will leave you.

If he wants to marry you, he'll push for a relationship.

If you don't reject him, you can spend more time with him to see if he's reliable.

Is he worth knowing? Then decide if you want to stay with him.

3. If you want to stay single, say no to the matchmaker.

If you want to stay single, you can reject the man who set you up on a blind date.

Don't waste his time. If you have something to say, say it to his face. This is the respect you owe him.

Hope this helps.

Good luck on your date!

Yixinli loves you!

Hello, young lady. I can see you're confused, so I'm giving you a hug!

You're having some marital issues. Let me give you another warm hug.

You said in your supplement that you're afraid of intimacy and that you have an avoidant personality.

It's possible that in your family of origin, your parents often fought, which may have led you to believe that marriage is the end of love.

On top of that, there's the issue of domestic violence.

You can probably tell what kind of person your match is when you meet them and spend some time together, and then meet their parents.

If his father was violent, there's a chance the person you're dating might be prone to violence too.

Your avoidant personality might be related to a lack of security.

So, why don't you feel secure?

It probably goes back to how you interacted with your mother when you were a kid.

It's possible that when you were a baby, every time you cried, your mom ignored your needs and kept on doing her own thing.

This can lead to an avoidant personality.

You mentioned you're over 30, and your parents are pushing you to get married, so you can't avoid the topic forever.

So, what should you do now, young lady?

I think you should speak to a professional counselor.

Given that your current issue stems from your family of origin, I'd suggest reaching out to a professional counselor rather than an instant listener.

I really hope you can find a good solution to the problem you're facing soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you, the girl. I'm here to help, and I study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Dear question asker,

I have taken the time to read your question and your additional comments below very carefully, and I empathize with the anxiety/reflecting-repeatedly-on-the-experiences-15-years-ago-when-i-was-19-career-confusion-7370.html" target="_blank">confusion, helplessness, and frustration you are currently experiencing.

You are approaching 30 years old, which is not a young age even in a big city, let alone in a small city. From what you have shared, it seems that your parents are encouraging you to consider living alone, and you have also mentioned concerns about safety. This may mean that you are one of the few people in your age group in your current situation.

Due to these circumstances, you may be experiencing a heightened sense of urgency and distress. You mentioned that you have been dealing with anxiety and have been diagnosed with it. I am unsure of the root cause, but it is encouraging to see that you have made significant progress and are embracing a positive outlook on life.

I believe you mentioned that it was due to your personality. While that may be a contributing factor, it's possible that these concerns you've identified are common among individuals of this age group when faced with the decision of finding a partner.

I'd like to share my own experience. I got married at the age of 30, and I had a number of concerns and reservations. My parents often had disagreements, so I felt the need to find someone who would meet my expectations. My primary desire was to avoid the kind of conflict I had witnessed between my parents.

You also mentioned domestic violence here. I don't know if you heard about it from others or if you have seen it in your own family. Anyway, my parents have always had their differences of opinion, but domestic violence is not a major issue. This has not had a particularly big impact on me, although there were concerns before the wedding.

I believe we should be courageous and seize opportunities when they arise. It is my view that a man should consider marriage when he is ready, and a woman when she is ready. In our particular circumstances, it can be challenging to resist the urge to marry and live independently.

Given my own experience, I can empathize with you. I will offer my opinion based on my personal situation.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to continue going out with him, given that this blind date was not as frustrating as the others.

I believe that seeing him once a week is an appropriate frequency, given that you have only recently met and that, as we age, we tend to be more composed. You mentioned that you don't chat much on WeChat, so I wonder if, in the future, you might consider doing so a little more. If you don't mind me saying so, it seems that you are not opposed to it, so perhaps we could reciprocate when the other person initiates contact. I don't think this is something you need to worry about.

Secondly, it would be wise to consider the possibility of marriage while you are dating.

I'd like to share a little about my own situation. I grew up in the countryside and later moved to our county town. There were many people around me who didn't get married by the age of 30, especially in my generation. There was a great deal of pressure. If I didn't get married, I really didn't have the courage, so I was the kind of person who knew there was a tiger in the mountain but still wanted to go into the mountain. In other words, despite the fear of violence and the various aspects of life after marriage, I still chose to get married out of necessity, as you said, depending on the conditions.

Of course, you don't have to do this now. The current environment has changed so much compared to 30 years ago when I was young that even if you don't get married, you will likely feel much less pressure than I did back then. So it's okay to take your time and see whether you are suitable for each other.

If I might make one more suggestion, I think that in this relationship while dating, our main focus should be on developing our communication and life skills.

I believe you mentioned that the other person is quite proactive, which is a wonderful quality. It seems that you and your family don't communicate as much as you'd like, but if the other person is proactive, he will likely try to make you happy in every way. Your family may not be able to do that, so you have the opportunity to make good use of this. Perhaps he can even help you to unlock our hearts. Our hearts can't always be closed like this. I think we can choose not to get married, but we must be able to live independently and make our lives carefree. That's our goal.

This life can be challenging, but it's important to let your unique talents and qualities shine. I believe this could be a valuable experience for you. Consider embracing this opportunity and exploring it together.

I hope you can gradually open up your heart and make your life more and more colorful. It would be my sincerest hope that you can enjoy your wonderful love life and marriage!

It would be wise to take each person you meet seriously, for your own future happiness.

I just wanted to remind you that the world and I love you!

Greetings,

The aforementioned tension is being experienced, and an effort is being made to identify potential options and to make a decision that is more aligned with one's needs.

"I recently encountered an individual with whom I had a blind date. I found myself less resistant to this person than I had been to previous blind date partners. Over the course of the past 21 days, I have had the opportunity to interact with this person on three or four occasions. During these interactions, we were able to engage in a meaningful dialogue. It is evident that we both possess a reserved nature." In this passage, it is evident that you recognize and partially accept the other person.

It appears that you are somewhat astonished as well. This individual seems to diverge from the types of people you have encountered previously.

The subject indicates a lack of desire to engage in further communication via the WeChat platform, which is perceived to be a consequence of the presence of the other individual.

At times, your social pattern encompasses periods of distancing and alienation, during which you experience a sense of security.

It is possible that you were raised in a family setting that was excessively crowded. In this context, "crowded" refers to a situation in which relatives congregate in groups, engaging in comparisons and evaluations that can feel confining.

Such individuals have a tendency to encroach upon one's personal space.

It is, therefore, understandable that you prefer to be alone, away from an irrational system of evaluation.

In this context, it is essential to embrace self-compassion, to recognize and accept oneself.

"Sometimes I think I'd rather just die alone." There may be some distorted perceptions at play here, so let us engage in a more profound discussion.

1. Being alone is a state of being. When in a group setting, most people judge unique individuals based on their own values, which is a lack of respect.

Rather than assuming responsibility for the lack of respect demonstrated by others,

2. Should one concede to the opinions of one's family, it becomes evident that one does, in fact, enjoy solitude, yet is plagued by concerns that solitude is somehow detrimental.

This results in a loss of self-confidence, which in turn leads to an inability to see oneself clearly.

This lack of direction and clarity generates a significant level of anxiety, which is further compounded by the confusion that arises when faced with a decision.

The prospect of growing old alone is not a particularly appealing one. Consequently, a compromise is reached with the family, allowing for a certain amount of solitude. However, there is also an underlying desire to be seen for who one truly is.

The passage of time is a gift that allows us to gain insight into our history, present circumstances, and future prospects.

When one feels confident, one may be amenable to the passage of time and the aging process.

Those who have been shaped by their familial influences are concerned about the passage of time and the aging process.

Individuals have the opportunity to identify and pursue personal growth at various stages of their lives. Rather than focusing on task completion, they can cultivate the capacity to love and be loved.

Identify and discuss the activities from your past that elicited positive emotions and were undertaken of your own volition.

One may opt to express these sentiments verbally or in written form.

A secure setting and candid responses can facilitate the discovery of an alternative self.

The following section will present a brief overview of the aforementioned concepts.

I am a psychological counselor from Yixin, and I bring my family's three cats to say hello.

In the midst of the ever-changing landscape of the Qinling home, one's heart remains firmly attached to the place of one's origin. From this vantage point, one can observe the distant mountains, seemingly smiling as the water flows onward, undeterred by the passage of time.

Dear questioner, Your question is also a common concern among older unmarried young women. I empathize with the pressure and anxiety you are experiencing, and I offer you my support and understanding.

Let us consider the most appropriate means of addressing this issue.

Firstly, it is essential to listen to the authentic voice within oneself. If one were not influenced by external factors such as parental pressure and the age of 30 or above, would there be a desire to take another person's hand (not necessarily one's current blind date) and walk down the aisle?

One might inquire as to what circumstances would motivate an individual to take another person's hand and proceed to the matrimonial ceremony.

If one desires marriage and is amenable to the current matchmaking partner, then cohabitation is a viable option for a limited period to ascertain compatibility. If marriage is not a preferred outcome, then it is not advisable to force the issue in the short term. Instead, it would be prudent to communicate one's reservations to one's parents and the other person.

Procrastination and avoidance are ineffective strategies.

Secondly, one can derive pleasure from the experience of romantic love regardless of whether or not they ultimately choose to marry their partner. I previously held a similar perspective, believing that spending time with someone of the opposite sex would inevitably lead to marriage.

Despite the interest expressed by a male student in my college years, I was reluctant to accept his romantic overtures due to uncertainty about our compatibility for the long term.

It was not until many years later that I came to understand that my seemingly responsible decision at the time was, in fact, the most irresponsible one of all, as I had effectively killed love in the cradle. While marriage may not have been a viable option for me at the time, I had still made the conscious choice to love and enjoy the process of being in love, a decision that would have otherwise left me with a lifetime of regret. Furthermore, falling in love helps us to distinguish clearly what kind of person is suitable for us and what kind of person we like.

It is only when one's needs are known that an accurate judgment can be made.

Finally, you indicated that you are "afraid of someone else barging into your world, afraid of domestic violence, and afraid of arguing." It is, in fact, a universal experience to feel apprehension when confronted with strangers and unfamiliar relationships. As mutual understanding deepens, this fear and worry will gradually dissipate.

With regard to domestic violence, it is possible that you have encountered similar situations in your immediate vicinity, which has led you to be concerned that you may also be subjected to such violence. It is important to note, however, that not everyone will inevitably experience this. If you pay close attention, you will find that there are also many individuals who are very happy and harmonious. It is, therefore, reasonable to believe that you can also have such a life.

Our ability to perceive reality is contingent upon our belief system. As long as we maintain a positive outlook and strive towards a constructive outcome, we can expect to achieve the desired result.

In regard to the phenomenon of argumentation, it is this author's position that it is not inherently negative. Rather, it can be conceptualized as a specific form of communication, albeit one that is characterized by a heightened level of intensity.

The capacity to engage in argumentation indicates the presence of a desire to communicate, expectations, and emotional expression. As long as these elements remain present within the familial context, the likelihood of rigidity is minimal.

In intimate relationships, the most detrimental aspect is not the act of arguing itself, but rather the formation of rigid relationships and the use of cold violence. Therefore, it can be argued that arguing is not inherently negative; rather, it is the way in which it is viewed that matters.

In conclusion, regardless of whether the issue pertains to a marital discord or an inherent character trait, it is imperative not to evade it but rather confront it with fortitude. When one is willing to confront the issue directly, the problem is significantly mitigated.

Should one feel ill-equipped to address the issue independently, there is the option of consulting with additional friends or seeking the guidance of a professional instructor on the platform. Both the individual and the broader community hold a positive regard for the individual in question, and there are numerous enthusiastic instructors and friends available to provide support and assistance.