Are you being bullied in your dormitory, undermining your self-confidence and questioning your abilities?

Hi, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei You, and I'm here to listen to your story about how you're feeling.

I've read your story and I get the feeling you're a young, energetic guy. I picture you as a bit of a grump after your dad died. When you have trust in the world, you also gain love and affection, and you become a more sunny, confident person.

But being sensitive can make you paranoid and inferior. A conflict with a classmate, the other person's harsh words, once again brought up the "fear" and inferiority deep inside you, making you close yourself off again and feel lonely.

Let's give you a warm hug and figure out what the problem is.

1. You became more introverted after your father passed away.

You need to figure out what the death of your father meant to you. Was it that you no longer had someone to rely on? Or that you lost strength?

Is your father a source of confidence for you?

Everyone feels inferior at times. It's a self-assessment that's influenced by your thoughts and makes you feel like you're not good enough.

People with low self-esteem tend to believe they are inferior to others and that their abilities are not good enough to do anything. In reality, this self-evaluation is inaccurate.

As you mentioned, when you place your trust in the outside world, it affects your character. It's not the outside world that changes, but you.

Right now, you're feeling more confident from the inside out. You're feeling hopeful and strong.

There are two types of confidence. One is confidence based on something you've done, which can become arrogance because it's a false confidence and a sign of low self-esteem.

That's why they'll put their all into it and build their confidence on the success or failure of a particular thing. It's as if their value depends on external material proof. This kind of confidence is dangerous because once the things they rely on disappear, their value will collapse.

For instance, if you're overly concerned with what others think of you, negative comments can quickly knock you down. This isn't genuine confidence.

There's another kind of confidence, too. It's confidence in yourself, not based on what others think. It's an inner, unconditional, subjective belief in yourself. This kind of confidence is true confidence.

2. What is confidence related to and how can it be improved?

A person's self-confidence is tied to their self-worth.

How you see yourself is your self-worth. People with a high sense of self-worth act with confidence.

Self-confidence is how you assess your ability to handle a particular situation.

Confidence is about having faith in your own abilities. It's about believing in yourself and your ability to do something well or achieve a goal. Confidence is the foundation of self-esteem, and self-esteem is basically confidence in a more general sense.

People with low self-esteem are easily sensitive and suspicious because as children they rarely got affirmation, praise, or approval from their parents. Over time, they started to see these as their own subjective evaluation of themselves.

One of the simplest ways to boost your self-esteem is to consistently give yourself positive reinforcement, to affirm, praise, and approve of yourself, and to accept yourself.

I suggest you read the book Inferiority and Transcendence. There's a positive side to feeling inferior. If you use it right, it can turn pressure into motivation and finally show a strong confidence that refuses to lose and does not admit defeat. Feeling inferior gives us a certain amount of energy and strength and enough courage.

As Adler, the founder of individual psychology, said in his book Inferiority and Transcendence, feeling inferior isn't necessarily a bad thing. It can actually motivate people to pursue excellence, overcome obstacles, and give their best within the limited space of their lives.

Also, the classmate who criticized you has already admitted that he has depression and may be more or less extreme in some of his actions. Treat him with tolerance, just as the classmates around you showed you kindness and goodness after your father passed away.

"Because you have suffered, you can be compassionate." When you have compassion in your heart, you'll find you're full of strength. The best time is when you're young, and you can regain the confidence that's rightfully yours.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I want to let you know that I love you and the world loves you too!

If you want to keep talking, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'll keep in touch and we can work together one-on-one.

Hello! I'm so happy you're here. Thank you for your question. I'm a university teacher and have been teaching students for several years. I can totally relate to your situation!

First of all, let me tell you that you think being a single parent is a problem, but you should know that being a single parent is not a bad thing. Your father passed away when you were in junior high school, and this is a state of life. The biggest problem is that you think being a single parent is a problem. There are many single-parent children who have also achieved great success! If you are interested, you can search online for "single parents who have achieved outstanding results." See what great people in similar situations as yours have done!

You're a single parent, and you're doing an amazing job! You're probably feeling a bit inferior because you're a single parent, right? It's totally normal. You think your classmates may have some ideas about you because you're a single parent, and some of them may have, because they don't understand single-parent families and so have some prejudices.

You said you were the favorite in junior high school, and I bet you were! But then, you encountered some unhappy events. Now, your mood is getting worse and worse, which has also affected your studies. You feel a sense of loss and nostalgia for the past glory days. If you compare it this way, you will become addicted to the past. But, you have to know that your junior high school classmates and high school classmates are not the same group of people anymore. Maybe you were very popular in junior high school for some reason, but your high school classmates did not really know you. In their eyes, you are just one of their ordinary classmates, nothing special. But, you are so much more than that!

Now, I'm excited to give you a few suggestions that I hope will help you!

1.

It's time to find new friends! You were very popular in junior high school, which means you had friends who liked you. Now you are lonely and no one is there to help you when you are bullied. So, it's time to find new friends in your current environment. Choose friends with good personalities and temperaments who are sincere with you. If you really can't find them, then just stay independent. If we have friends, we will study and live together; if not, we will study and live on our own. It's important to choose friends who are like-minded because strong friendships are built on shared interests. So, find friends who love the same things you do! If you don't have any friends, you can always choose to live and study alone.

2.

If you don't have friends, don't worry! You can make friends. In the meantime, fill yourself with learning. You're facing the college entrance exam, so learning is very important for you. You said you used to study very hard, and I know you can find your old self in your studies again. Study hard, get into a good university, and meet more outstanding people. You'll definitely make very good friends. And if you think about it, because others gave up their studies, doesn't it feel a bit like throwing in the towel? Many people regret not studying hard in high school until they get into a mediocre school or no school at all. So, let me give you a reminder: remember to study hard. Learning is cumulative. You need to start studying hard now, and there is still a lot to learn. So, the sooner you start, the better your grades will be!

3.

You can talk to your teacher! Choose a teacher you feel more comfortable with and trust, and talk to her to see if she has any good suggestions. Support from those around you is the most powerful. You can usually ask your teacher more questions about your studies. If you really feel lonely, just treat your teacher as your friend. Every teacher is your friend! In this way, you'll feel more motivated to study!

4.

High school is stressful, and you say you are introverted. Sometimes you want your classmates to like you, so you pretend to be outgoing. Does it ever feel tiring? It must be hard for an introvert to pretend to be outgoing. So respect your own personality! Some people like introverted friends, but that's not always the case. There are many extroverts in the world, as well as introverts. If you have to force yourself to be someone you're not, it must be very hard. And that's not the real you, is it? But you are the real you, and you are great!

5.

As the saying goes, "Those who associate with reds will become red, and those who associate with blacks will become black." This is why choosing friends is so important! You become like the people you spend time with. So choose good people! Many high school students are very confused about themselves, and some of their character traits also need to be honed. This means you will meet some people who don't fit in, and you will experience setbacks and grievances. But don't worry! You can choose to be with people who already have a lot of ideas at the high school level and who also like to help their classmates. This will make you feel more relaxed, and it will also be helpful for your studies and make you feel happier. Because, after all, we still want to communicate with others, and communicating with the right people is communicating! So choose the right people, and you'll be on your way to a great future!

6.

Some classmates will try to suppress you, but it's not your fault or your problem. You've got this! Your mistake is that you still want to be with them, giving them the opportunity to vent their inner darkness. Some classmates are not of good character, so it's best to stay away from them.

OK, I'll study in silence. I really hope my advice can help you! I really hope that when you look back on your time at university, you will realize that you were hardworking and lucky, because you knew the meaning of hard work and worked hard all the time!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm humble and consistent.

Accept yourself to become stronger.

Maybe you're young and lack social experience, so you care about others' opinions. This is normal for our age. We must understand why we feel this way and what really affects us so we can find a way to feel better.

The death of your father must have had a big impact on you. Losing your dad made you feel less secure and you became introverted. You tried to become confident and happy.

You were happy, but when this balance is broken, your world falls apart.

We need to know what true self-confidence is. The death of your father and the label of a single-parent family make you feel inferior. You don't need to be reminded by others; you are constantly reminding yourself, which leads to low self-esteem, introversion, and fear. You don't need to negate yourself because of such labels.

Happiness is yours.

Learn to be happy.

We can't change what's already happened, but we can accept it.

This will be hard for you because we often think about our disadvantages when we're around other people. But you need to know that family issues aren't the only thing that makes us compare ourselves with others. As we grow up, we have our own ways of proving what we can do.

In school, the best way for us to prove our abilities is through our grades. If we do well, no one needs to prove they are capable, and everyone will think we are excellent. This is the best way for us students to prove ourselves, so we must accept our situation and then prove our strength.

Therefore, we should be confident in ourselves, not our families. Our happiness should come from what we do, not what others think. I hope our questioner can be happy and ready for each new day. Our future is wide open, and the world is big. Using knowledge to make the best of our future is the best way to be confident.

Best wishes.

Best wishes!

Hello.

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post, and I can clearly see the sadness and frustration you are feeling right now.

You have also shown great courage in expressing your innermost feelings and seeking help on this platform. This will undoubtedly help you understand yourself better and make positive changes.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts on the post, which will help the poster view the situation from a more diverse perspective.

1. Your psychological balance has been broken.

From the post, it is clear that the author has experienced personal growth and undergone a transformation in their heart after facing conflicts with their roommates during their transition to high school.

After reading this information, I can understand the sadness you feel. Let's take a look together at why you are sad.

Your previous mental balance has been broken.

You were outgoing, optimistic, and confident in the past. However, after entering high school, you became self-deprecating and distrusting due to conflicts.

And former classmates don't help themselves anymore. These experiences have caused the host to change their previous perception of themselves, thus breaking their psychological balance.

2. We are easily influenced by other people's opinions.

There is a technical term in psychology called projective identification. Projection means projecting one's inner thoughts onto the outside world.

And what about acceptance? It is when others accept our projections.

This means that others will be influenced by us. Conversely, if others project their inner thoughts onto the external world and we agree with them, then we will be influenced by others.

The host is affected by those slanders because you agree with them.

If you don't agree with yourself, you're not affected. There's a saying in psychology that's worth remembering: the only one who can hurt you is yourself.

Everything is neutral at first. We give things meaning. So, the original poster can adjust his mood by adjusting himself.

3. Accept your true self.

We are influenced by others because we agree with what they say. We must ask ourselves why we agree with what others say.

We must recognize that our internal evaluation system is often unstable and subjective. This is why we are so easily influenced by the opinions of others.

A mature person knows themselves objectively.

When evaluating others, think about whether the evaluation is true. If it is not, refuse to agree with it.

You need to construct your own internal evaluation system.

You do that by accepting yourself as you are.

We can see our shortcomings and recognize our strengths. Being true to ourselves is better than being perfect.

When we accept ourselves as we are, flaws and all, we gain an objective understanding of ourselves.

Accept the parts of yourself that you cannot change and focus on the parts you can change. You will encounter a better version of yourself.

4. Look at this matter from a different perspective.

This matter has caused you pain, but it is a fact. You must also consider that it has brought you growth.

This pain has made you reflect on yourself and given you the opportunity to better understand and grow as a person. When you look at it this way, the host will feel better.

Psychologically, human relationships are about growth. Pain is a natural part of that growth process.

The host will undoubtedly regard these as "tuition fees."

I am confident that these words have been of some help and inspiration to you.