Are you perfectionistic, preferring stability to uncertainty?

Hello, question asker,

I'm sending you a warm hug. I can relate to your experience as a housewife. I also feel that having lunch is a particularly wasteful thing to do in terms of time and energy. Unless the children are taking online classes at home, if you're at home alone, you'll either order takeaway, or you'll have instant noodles or bread, or you'll simply not eat. I'm not sure what kind of classes the OP is taking at home.

I am studying to become a psychological counselor, and I often feel that there is not enough time or enough knowledge to fully prepare myself for this challenging role. Behind this anxiety of racing against the clock is actually our deep sense of inferiority. If you don't study, you may feel that you will be abandoned by society. And there is also a sense of unworthiness that can arise when you feel like you don't have the time or resources to fully prepare.

Perhaps the question I should be asking myself is whether I am worthy. Perhaps I should be taking a good rest. Am I worthy?

I believe that self-acceptance is an important aspect of personal growth.

I believe that self-acceptance should be a joyful acceptance of oneself. A woman can be seen as the anchor of the family. Even if she doesn't do anything (which is impossible), her warm presence can be seen as the greatest contribution to the world when her husband or children return home. This year's hit movie "Hidden in the Dust" made me feel that although Guiying can only share a limited amount of family responsibilities, her existence as a wife can be seen as enough to give Tie a full sense of hope for life.

I'm curious about what motivates you to study so intensely. I suggest you read a book. It's the best book I've read this year, called "The Soul of Money." The sentence that touched me the most is: Choose carefully and plan your life and money.

I believe that the body is the vehicle that carries us through the world, and I feel that it should be taken care of at all times. Whether it is a balanced diet or a simple but hearty lunch prepared with care, turning on the music, quietly enjoying the food, and allowing the mind to relax and rest—I think the time and money spent are well worth it.

I wonder if I might ask you about the nature of the feeling of deprivation.

In reading the book The Ladder to Heaven, I came to understand that chronic poverty in childhood can be considered a kind of trauma. This kind of trauma, like abuse and hunger, has the potential to cause irreversible damage to brain neurons. Similarly, reading The Soul of Money led me to recognize that the essence of the feeling of scarcity may not be a scarcity of money or time, but rather a scarcity of courage and cognitive openness. In the book A City Called Mague, Yan Geling also touches on the Chinese tendency towards a sense of "victimhood," which may be shaped by the mental shame and trauma left by poverty.

It may be helpful to remember that regaining a sense of control is an important factor in coping with traumatic stress. This can often result in a sense of calm inside after making a decision.

Perhaps we could consider reframing money and time as a means of expressing love and commitment, and showcasing our best selves. It might be helpful to view them as a tool that can be used to overcome feelings of emptiness, deprivation, or external temptations.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili, and I hope my answer can be of some help to you. If you feel it was useful, I would be grateful if you could click the like button before leaving.

I have given your question my utmost consideration and have drawn upon a range of authoritative sources. I feel that this time has brought with it a sense of love and commitment to the world, joy, and peace.

Hello, madam! I just had to drop you a line to tell you how impressed I am by your message. It's clear to me that you're a wonderful wife and that you're currently facing some challenges. It's totally normal to feel anxious when you're in a tricky situation, but I'm here to help you resolve your conflict.

Let's dive in and sort out your current situation!

1. The pressure to study, the current environment, working extremely long hours, and overtaxing your body can make you feel a little tired. But don't worry! You've got this!

2. You know how to manage a household budget, you worry about the family's expenses, and you know that takeaway is convenient but expensive. I actually share these thoughts with you, and I think many people do too!

3. If you have serious self-doubt, it may be due to the influence of your family of origin, which has caused you to lack assertiveness in many situations and make you unsure of your own thoughts and actions. But don't worry! You have a good culture and abilities, and you can definitely feel good about yourself.

My current income is on its way to reaching the standard of financial freedom!

4. From a psychological point of view, it is a bit of a dichotomy: you want to get A and have B. In reality, it is often difficult for us to choose and have both at the same time. But don't worry! Whether you are facing the problem of takeaway or something else today,

5. Embrace your imperfections! Allow yourself to think!

Love yourself, no matter what! You are the best, and I know you know it! This is true for many women who have given birth. Don't worry!

You're doing great! You're a little anxious right now, but you'll get through this. He loves you, you're amazing, and things will get better very soon.

I've got some great advice for you next!

1. It's time to rebuild your self-confidence and build your self-esteem! Start with small goals, accumulate little by little, and make more decisions. Be responsible and watch your life take off!

2. Absolutely! Accept the unmet psychological needs of your childhood, accept the part of yourself that is lacking, and make up for it through later efforts.

3. Learn to release the pressure of studying, and coexist with it. Our lives allow for pressure as well as life. You can relax a little during your studies, go to the movies with your husband, have a cup of coffee, and get a good night's sleep.

I really hope these understandings and suggestions are helpful to you! I also wish your family good health and happiness. Go for it, excellent wife! We will continue where we left off. Your counselor Liu Qi is always by your side!

I love you, world! And I love you, too!

From your description, it is evident that you are confronted with certain challenges and are uncertain about the optimal approach to address them. Prior to delving into the specifics of the issue, if you permit, I would like to extend a gesture of support and encouragement.

Your approach to tasks is to either do them or not do them. If you do them, you must do them to the highest possible standard. As you stated, "I either don't cook, or if I do, I'll clean up the kitchen a little, or pick the vegetables that I'll use in the evening or tomorrow, or make some of them into semi-finished products." However, you may be constrained by external circumstances, leading you to ultimately give up cooking. As you also said, "I might as well order takeaway, so that I don't have to cook, so that I don't have to spend so much time and energy on the meal and have some time to rest." This decision may give rise to some inner conflict, leading to feelings of irritation and inability to calm down. These feelings have led you to question the nature of your approach to tasks.

Is the pursuit of perfection the driving force behind your actions?

"

It appears that the pursuit of perfection is a quality exhibited by nearly all individuals, as it serves as a catalyst for growth and advancement. However, an excessive focus on perfection can potentially impede progress.

It appears that the key to resolving this issue is to adjust the degree of one's pursuit of perfection. To illustrate, consider the incident you described of preparing lunch. What adjustments would you make, and would the outcome differ?

The preceding statements are offered for reference only and represent my personal opinion. It is recommended that you take care of yourself.

Good evening.

You have some expired vegetables and yesterday's rice in the fridge. You could have vegetables and rice for lunch, but you're tired from the lecture. You don't want to cook at noon. You want to give yourself a break because cooking involves cleaning up. You need to do something with the vegetables for tomorrow's meal. It's too tiring, so you might as well order takeout. You can still give yourself a break after you've eaten.

I thought takeout was a waste of money and cooking was time wasted. I compared the two and still didn't know what to do. My emotions trapped a perfectly good afternoon.

I understand the questioner's anxiety.

The questioner feels both entangled and annoyed because they feel like they're either cooking or ordering takeout. When you're deeply involved in cooking, it can be the most energy-consuming thing. But you haven't done anything at all. You haven't cooked, ordered takeout, studied, or rested. You feel like your energy has been depleted.

What do you think about lunch? Do you love yourself?

Eat well, even if you eat alone. Have a balanced diet. Eat happily, whether you cook at home or order takeout. The questioner doesn't take care of herself.

The questioner seems to have a habit of overthinking things. This can lead to anxiety and a desire to do everything perfectly. However, there are many good things in life that can bring happiness, such as cooking a delicious meal or ordering a takeout.

Doing each thing seriously is probably what we mean by living in the present. We experience life every day, and the joy of cooking and ordering takeout is the same.

I hope the original poster has a better life. Good night.

Hello!

From your description, it seems quite interesting. It gives a fascinating insight into a person's thoughts and actions when they are at home.

It is worth noting that the thoughts and behaviors you have recorded are not particularly unusual. However, the underlying thinking habits or tendencies behind them may be worth exploring further.

[The first tendency]

It is possible that the first tendency may be selective difficulty.

It could be that you find it challenging to choose between two options that both achieve the same goal, such as whether to cook your own rice for lunch or order takeout, or between two ways to plan the next step, such as whether to eat or rest first, or between two options that both cost money or time, such as whether to spend money or spend time.

This can potentially result in a waste of time, repeated thinking, mental exhaustion, and in severe cases, even anxiety.

[The second tendency]

It is also possible that the second tendency may be perfectionism.

This tendency means that you set and adhere to high standards for yourself. For example, when preparing lunch, you might set a few additional tasks to complete alongside the meal preparation, such as tidying up the kitchen a little, picking vegetables for the evening or tomorrow, or preparing some semi-finished products.

It is not uncommon for this higher standard to be associated with fear of failure and avoidance behavior. It is understandable that repeated consideration, procrastination, and giving up in the middle may occur as a result.

[The third tendency]

The third tendency is what we might call self-healing ability.

It can be understood as a reference to the self-recovery function and level that one has after experiencing mental distress.

As the questioner mentioned, making a firm decision can sometimes result in seeking comfort in the form of a takeaway, which can help to calm and focus the mind.

This suggests that you may have a high capacity for psychological repair.

Perhaps this ability to recover without special measures is more about using time and forgetting to build psychological immunity and self-healing.

While the analysis may not be entirely reasonable, it can still serve as a useful reference point.

Hello, my name is Zeyu.

Before replying, may I suggest we consider this question?

Some people may be driven by a desire for perfection, a preference for stability, and a reluctance to embrace uncertainty.

Could I ask you to consider whether you can accept yourself as you feel? I'm wondering what your thoughts and experiences in this regard might be.

You might also consider answering "no" to gain a better understanding of yourself.

Let's take a closer look at the issue through the questioner's description. It seems that the root of the problem is the questioner's difficulty in deciding how to approach the lunch problem. The process appears to be the questioner's internal deliberations about how to handle lunch and the plan he's considering implementing. The result seems to be a sense of internal conflict and unease, stemming from a perceived contradiction. When faced with such a dilemma, it's not uncommon for the heart to feel irritated and unable to find calm. When a decision is made with conviction, the heart tends to feel at ease, and attention can be focused.

I believe the reason for this is actually quite simple. Our thoughts occupy the memory of our brain, and the differences between ideas pull and restrict our thinking. Our attention runs back and forth, and the memory of the brain is so small. If these thoughts are noisy, it can be challenging to focus on anything else. Our body will often adjust to this state, and we may feel distracted and restless, making it difficult to calm down.

At this juncture, our emotions are influenced by this signal, which in turn affects our judgment of events. The collision and friction between ideas can lead to distraction and restlessness, making it challenging to achieve a state of calm. This is not necessarily indicative of a pursuit of perfection. It may be more accurate to view it as a normal aspect of the thinking process, which could be perceived as emotional depletion or excessive thinking.

Once a decision has been made, there is only one idea occupying our thoughts, which allows us to focus our attention and calm our emotions.

In the event of encountering a similar situation again, we may wish to consider the following methods:

1. Perhaps a quick decision, as the original poster is doing, could help to avoid emotional depletion.

2. It may be helpful to list the options and then choose the best solution. We can record all the ideas in our minds and then compare and weigh them to come up with the best, but definitely the most suitable answer.

3. It may be helpful to consider the potential impact of the outcome on yourself and choose the option that is most important to you.

4. It may be helpful to consider following your heart's choice. When you're uncertain about how to proceed, it could be beneficial to listen to your inner voice, as it may offer guidance.

It is my sincere hope that the explanations and methods presented in this article will prove helpful or inspiring to the questioner, and that the questioner will ultimately find a satisfactory answer.

It is possible to create a plan that takes into account both time and financial resources.

First, consider the time required to prepare lunch and dinner throughout the day, particularly the preparation stage, which you feel is a waste of time. Estimate the time required to prepare meals for two. Then, during normal working hours or on your day off, do you have the time to prepare your own meals?

The next step is to create a food budget. This budget will help you determine whether it is more cost-effective to cook or order takeout. You can include details about your typical shopping habits, such as whether you shop daily or weekly, and calculate your weekly food and cooking expenses.

Next, determine the cost of ordering takeout. Then, compare this to the cost of preparing three meals at home each month and the cost of ordering takeout.

Ultimately, a combination of the two approaches is possible. For instance, if you work five or six days a week and are pressed for time during the lunch hour, you can order takeout. This allows you to dedicate more time to cooking your own meals on the weekends. What is the cost associated with purchasing and preparing your own food?

Once a clear financial figure is provided, it will be possible to ascertain which option is the most economical, or the most economical without being wasteful.

Another factor to consider is your state of mind, apart from time and financial considerations. For example, if you work during the week and even on weekends, you may lack the motivation to cook for yourself.

In our daily lives, it is common to consider the merits of cooking daily versus ordering takeout, as well as the optimal meals for lunch and dinner.

If you do not wish to dedicate a significant amount of time to these matters, we can first establish the desired lifestyle. One option is to maintain a fixed lifestyle, such as a warm and cozy one, and to prioritize cooking and shopping for food. Another option is to adopt a more relaxed approach, which may involve ordering takeaways and exploring new culinary experiences.

Once you have a clear understanding of your goals and have allocated sufficient time for both work and personal pursuits, you will develop a routine that aligns with your unique lifestyle. This will enable you to make informed decisions about your daily meals, whether it's cooking or ordering takeout. You will also be able to streamline your decision-making process, saving time and energy.

Hello, landlord. I am confident that my answer will be of some help to you.

You've discovered that when you make a firm decision, like ordering takeout, your mind calms down and you can concentrate. This is because dwelling on our choices confuses us and uses up our cognitive resources. We need to control our emotions, not let them control us.

We must make a decision. Any decision is better than remaining stuck in the middle of it. After all, when you've been stuck for a long time, you've already done a lot.

I've got some thoughts for you:

When chaos strikes, it's time to take control. The first step is simple: find a stable point for yourself.

Life is always faced with chaotic situations, and when we encounter these situations, our emotions will also decline. The law of increasing entropy states that life will become disordered from orderly. To improve our vitality and emotional level, we must reduce entropy and make everything orderly, classified, and controllable.

When faced with chaos, find a stable point. For example, if you're an operator with ten calls, answer the first one, then communicate and hang up.

At this point, many people may feel very confused and overwhelmed because it is a completely out-of-control situation. But there is a solution. Answer the first call first, then communicate and hang up.

After answering one call, there will be one less call out of ten. Then answer the second one, and you will see that everything will become orderly.

When you feel a bit chaotic, make your own decisions quickly and focus on solving the problems that need to be solved. As you solve them one by one, the chaos will become orderly, and your emotional level will improve with your actions.

2. Accept that everything has a life cycle: beginning, change, and end. To gain control, we must let things evolve naturally. Otherwise, they will continue to consume our attention.

Everything in the universe has a life cycle. Everything follows this law: beginning, change, and end. This is the most basic law of the universe. If you start, change, and end something, you have control over it.

Take control of the life cycle of a matter: beginning, changing, and ending. Understand how to start, how to change, and how to stop. This is the most efficient way to proceed.

We must learn to make decisions and move forward. We cannot allow ourselves to become indecisive and stop in our tracks. We must keep going until we reach the end. We cannot allow ourselves to become distracted by starting one thing and then another. We must focus on the task at hand and complete it. We cannot allow ourselves to become overwhelmed by the many things in life that seem to be floating around, unable to be stopped. We must learn to concentrate and be efficient.

We must understand that our attention is limited. If we try to do too many things and exert ourselves in every area, we end up constantly starting the life cycles of one thing after another. Once they start, there's no way to stop them one by one. This makes us feel very chaotic and exhausted, which affects our state.

We must complete one task before starting another. What is the completion of a task?

This is the beginning, change, and end of the matter, and you have control over all of it. You have stopped this matter according to its life cycle.

But back to your question: we start things off in our minds, and then one thing leads to another. You say: yesterday I planned not to cook lunch today and take a good rest, but when I opened the fridge in the morning, I saw that some of the green vegetables had wilted and turned yellow, and I saw some rice left by my husband in the kitchen last night. I decided to stir-fry that rice for lunch, which would also save money. Halfway through the lecture, I felt very tired and suddenly didn't want to cook lunch. I just wanted to rest quietly.

I know that if I don't cook, I will either clean up the kitchen a little, or pick the vegetables I need for the evening or tomorrow, or make some semi-finished products. This will also take up a lot of my time and energy, and I will feel very tired. At that time, I will think that it is better to order takeaway, so that I don't have to cook, and I can spend less time and energy on meals, and have some time to rest.

I am torn between two options: ordering takeout seems wasteful, while not ordering takeout and cooking for myself seems excessive. I would prefer to use the limited time I have at lunch to rest and take a break from cooking.

These things are floating around in our minds, making it seem chaotic. When you make a firm decision to order takeout, you notice that your attention is focused. You end your thinking about these things and your thoughts return to a more orderly state.

3. When making a choice, decide what result you are most willing to bear. This will make it easier to make a choice willingly.

When we compare various options, we become more and more entangled because, in fact, no choice is perfect. Every choice has pros and cons. The most important thing is not how perfect a choice we make, but what choice we are willing to make at the moment and are willing to bear the consequences of that choice.

For example, with regard to the choices you mentioned, you have two options: cooking and tidying up the kitchen, or ordering takeout. Cooking requires a lot of time and energy and makes you feel tired, but it saves money. Ordering takeout allows you to spend less time and energy on the meal and frees up time to rest, but it costs money.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. We can't save time and rest at the same time, and we can't spend more money. What we can do is decide whether we value resting and recovering energy more, or whether we value saving money more. You made a firm decision and chose to give yourself more time to rest. You also became very at ease, which shows that this was the choice that followed your heart.

You must make your own choices and accept the consequences. This will help you make decisions more easily in the future.

This is for your reference. Best wishes!

Hello, my name is Look.

Psychological conflict can be defined as a state of tension that arises when one is unable to decide between two or more motives, desires, goals, or reactions that are in different directions.

Some of the more commonly cited classifications include those put forth by K. Lewin (1931) and Miller (1944), who divided conflicts into four categories based on their form.

⭕️ Dichotomous conflict – it can be challenging to find a solution that allows you to have both options.

Both options hold a certain appeal, and it's natural to want to pursue them both. However, it's not always possible to have everything we want, and that can make it challenging to decide. This is a common psychological dilemma where it's difficult to choose between two appealing options.

⭕️ Double avoidance conflict – a challenging situation

Both options have a certain appeal, and it can be challenging to choose between them.

⭕️ Avoidance conflict – a dilemma

It is relatively straightforward to choose between two options when one presents advantages and the other presents disadvantages. In a conflict of goals, there are often two needs that go in opposite directions and are of similar strength. Similarly, in a conflict of actions, there are frequently two actions that can be taken to achieve the goal, each with its own advantages and disadvantages. In such cases, it is not always clear how to choose. Similarly, in a conflict of goals, there are often different goals that need to be achieved, but they cannot always be achieved at the same time. In such instances, it is not always evident how to choose.

I wonder if I might suggest that we consider the possibility of a double avoidance conflict.

This could be a compound form of double avoidance conflict and double approach conflict, or it may be a compound form of two avoidance conflicts. That is, two goals or situations may have both advantages and disadvantages for the individual at the same time. When faced with this situation, the person involved may often feel caught in a difficult dilemma.

The questioner described it as a dilemma between ordering takeout, which seems wasteful, and cooking from scratch, which seems like too much trouble. Both options have a certain appeal, but the questioner is unsure which to choose.

This may be a case of what is known as a double avoidance conflict. Such internal conflicts can often result in a person feeling caught in a dilemma, which is a common psychological experience.

You might like to try the following methods.

It might be helpful to consider some psychological adjustments.

The questioner mentioned that "just calming down internally also improves concentration." It may be helpful to consider that mental conflict is a kind of tension, and that once the mind is relaxed, this emotion naturally disappears. You might find it beneficial to try some relaxation exercises, such as breathing exercises and meditation.

It might be helpful to try to reduce external stress.

It might be helpful to try to identify the source of the stress and eliminate it as much as possible. If your stress is caused by work, you could consider arranging your time reasonably, doing the important work first, putting the secondary work on hold, and completing it when you have enough time.

I hope this finds you well.