Are you still at university and find that you deliberately make things difficult for yourself when you work?

It's amazing how things develop in an up-and-down way, and we never know whether they're simple or complicated. Some things seem complicated at first, but there are often simple solutions. It's also interesting how some people make a big deal out of these things, while others make a small deal out of them.

So, some things will become more and more peculiar, and it still depends on the individual's values and specific coping model. Some people may prefer to solve problems in more flashy ways, while others may prefer simpler solutions—and that's okay!

The great thing is, there's no particular rule on how to do it. It's totally up to you! You can make the process more difficult or simpler. You can become a simple person or a simple thing. And the process of doing things can also reflect our values and our character.

If you've noticed some behavioral habits during your university years and you're now an adult, it's time to embrace your own beliefs about your life and your own behavioral norms and rules! You can now know what kind of situation you really want and what kind of experience you want. And who knows, maybe sometimes you'll feel that after the bitter comes the sweet!

Embrace the journey! It's only through facing some challenges and making your own process more adventurous that you'll get the incredible result you're after. And guess what? Some processes don't actually have to be complicated. Sometimes, all it takes is a little preparation to be ready to seize opportunities and tackle challenges head-on!

Embrace the challenge! Stay calm and face it head on. Maybe your mom has always been there for you, handling your many demands with strength and resilience. This parenting style might have shaped your character, giving you the confidence to take on the world.

Then? Many things are lacking in their own ideas, and you may feel that the world is really very, very difficult or very confusing. However, if there is no such difficulty, you will not be used to it. Everything is for the ultimate goal. Never give up until you achieve your goal. The process seems to be full of twists and turns and seems to be more difficult, but it's also full of possibilities!

In that kind of situation, which is difficult to deal with, you can also see what kind of life experience has caused you to think this way. In fact, your mother and father also have their own limitations and some uneasy thoughts. But here's the good news: they may just want you to be taken care of better and to have a better inner state.

You can absolutely cope with your own life and make your family and career more stable! This way of thinking is actually wrong. Everyone has a set of values that they can draw on to deal with unexpected situations. It is also recommended that you tend to a psychological counselor and talk about some of your recent habits of behavior and actions. You can find more patterns in it. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello!

You make the process difficult because you like the challenge.

Your mother is very strong and you lack security. She is focused on results and always aiming for the goal.

Your parents talk about what they'd do if they were sick and couldn't work. You think they're afraid.

Why are they afraid?

They are afraid of losing control and are afraid of the unknown.

You feel they are strong and controlling. They have a clear plan for you. How do you feel about this?

Do you want to be in control?

Your parents have chosen a goal for you, which you cannot control. But the process of achieving the goal seems to give you room to choose for yourself.

Your subconscious mind is happy when you're in control. You don't take the easy way out because you want to feel in control. You choose the difficult path. As they say, "You choose your own path and you have to finish it on your knees."

This is a path of self-discovery.

Do you want to be yourself? But you're afraid of your parents.

You feel you can't oppose your parents. You're a good child and you don't want to upset them. You're suppressing your true feelings.

You can only partly be yourself now.

Face your thoughts. You're an adult now.

Try to be yourself, talk to your parents, and share your feelings. Also, try to understand your parents' childhood experiences, how they were raised, and how they got along with their parents.

In the chat, try to empathize with them and then express your feelings. I believe it will be a wonderful journey.

I hope this helps.

Well done!

Dear Question Owner, It is evident that you are experiencing significant pressure, yet it is encouraging to observe your initial steps towards self-awareness. This is a promising development that will likely lead to an enhanced sense of well-being. Best regards, [Name]

From the questioner's description, it is evident that they are a diligent student. Despite the challenging nature of the learning process, the questioner has demonstrated resilience and determination, which are commendable attributes.

Does the questioner's inquiry aim to alleviate the stress associated with academic pursuits, or is it seeking a more relaxed and enjoyable approach to studying?

The questioner may wish for their parents to acknowledge their efforts and recognize their academic accomplishments by pursuing a challenging course of study. It is recommended that the questioner reflect on this matter at a later time.

1. "Currently enrolled in university, I have discovered that when I undertake tasks at my own pace, I will deliberately choose a challenging route that will inevitably result in a certain level of discomfort. This phenomenon manifested itself during my high school years."

What emotions are associated with the distress of selecting a challenging course of action? Have you had any prior experiences that could inform this decision?

The questioner's objective, therefore, is to release the emotional baggage of the past and embrace their authentic self. This represents a significant step forward in their journey of self-discovery.

2. The mother in the family is characterized by a strong sense of purpose and a tendency to prioritize results. She exemplifies a dedication to academic achievement, rising early each morning to attend school and investing significant effort into her studies. Additionally, she maintains a demanding professional role, commuting to work daily and returning home directly. She has acknowledged the anxiety that arises from her pursuit of goals, describing it as a feeling of urgency and a tendency to rush towards them.

In this passage, I observe further evidence of the domestic responsibilities that fall within the purview of my mother's role. My mother exhibits a notable lack of security. My mother consistently strives for outcomes. Alternatively stated, my mother has selected a mode of work that aligns with her preferences, which provides her with a sense of security, and she also has a sense of purpose. Concurrently, it can be posited that my mother has made significant sacrifices for the benefit of the family. This is a crucial aspect of my mother's identity that warrants deeper examination.

The questioner's study habits, which entail early morning and late night sessions, are designed to yield optimal results. Does this approach engender a sense of security and a conviction that this is the sole avenue for attaining excellent outcomes? The questioner is encouraged to reflect on this matter.

I believe that there was no inherent problem with the aforementioned approach in the past. The decisions made in the past were shaped by the perceptions of the time. However, this raises the question of whether we should continue with the same methods in the present.

It would seem prudent to consider the possibility of adopting more efficacious study methods.

3. "When I was young, my parents frequently discussed with me the potential consequences of their own illness and subsequent inability to work, should they be confined to bed. It is likely that their primary emotions at the time were fear and unease."

The responsibility for this task ultimately falls upon the shoulders of the parents. The questioner must decide whether they are willing to allow the parents to grow and develop at their own pace. Even if the parents experience feelings of unease and worry, it is crucial to recognize that this is a process that they must navigate independently. At this juncture, the questioner's primary objective should be to cultivate a more positive mindset, to become a better version of themselves. As they embark on this journey of self-improvement, they will inevitably influence the dynamic within their family. It is essential to persevere through this process with resilience and determination.

Hello, dear questioner! I can see that you're doing a lot of deep self-reflection. It's so great that you're recognizing that you've been in challenging situations since high school and that you're starting to understand your relationships with your family. It seems like you're really eager to find out the truth and to make things easier for yourself now that you're in college.

It's true that we can choose not to be afraid of hard times. But it can be really confusing when we actively look for challenges and make things difficult for ourselves.

But first, you need to give yourself some love and affirmation. You are so aware of the situation and actively trying to find a solution. Let's try to establish a connection between what you have discovered and see if it helps.

1️⃣It's possible that your mom's once imperfect experience has become a perception that you rely on.

You've noticed that you tend to "deliberately choose the difficult way" and experience the "pain of the process." This feeling started in high school. While "the bitter end is sweet" is a wonderful experience, I think what you've been through is a habit that's hard to break.

I'm sure your mother's dominance in the original family and the anxiety of the parents "being sick and unable to work, lying in bed," etc., must have left some profound experiences of fear and worry during your growth. I can imagine that under such pressure, you may have overcome many difficulties to behave well in order to reduce the oppressive feeling of fear. Over time, getting along with your parents and yourself in this state has become "muscle memory" and also a means of establishing "dependence" in your relationship with your family.

In other words, you always deliberately choose difficulties because this state of affairs makes you feel familiar and gives you a sense of existence. You are actually "viral" dependent on it to prove your existence and your connection to your family.

2️⃣ Adjust your perception. You have the amazing ability to give yourself and your family a sense of security.

From what you've told me, it seems like your mom might be struggling with some anxiety. I'm not sure what's causing it, but you've been aware of it for a while and it's been affecting you for a long time. It's not like she's trying to hide it or use it as a way to teach you a lesson, it's just a real, negative emotion. So, how can you help her?

– It would be a great idea to seek professional help.

You can gently suggest that the mother also seek help from a professional counselor or listener to explore the root causes and relieve emotions. You can express your own confusion about growing up and your experience of seeking help to the mother in a sincere manner, and provide her with a way to restore balance and live a carefree life.

It's time to set yourself free from the influence of your past family of origin. Take care of yourself, and make yourself safe and powerful.

If it's tough to get your family, like your mom, to try therapy, don't stress! You don't have to make anyone change if it's not working. Just adjust your thinking and believe that when you feel more secure, you'll be able to tackle more problems.

So, it's important to understand that the "deliberate" choice of hardship you've held onto until now is an outward reflection of a "viral" family attachment dynamic. It's not the authentic, natural state of your inner self. Learning to "detach" from it is a crucial step.

And then, you can make yourself safe and powerful, and then build the rest!

3️⃣ Start with small steps, focus on separating from the problem, and take action. You've got this!

It would be really lovely if you could say goodbye to the past in a grand and ritualistic way.

You can try writing a letter to your past self, who is always used to tasting the "bitter fruit." Write a letter to your past self as a friend in your current posture.

You can tell your former self that you can see how tough it's been for him to grow up under the influence of his original family for so many years. You admire the fact that he's made it this far, step by step, in the face of pain and difficulties. You can tell him that you understand that he's still struggling to let go and that only by doing so can he meet his parents' expectations. You can tell him that you have a strong attachment to your parents that's in tune with their anxiety, and you can tell him more firmly that from now on, life will have a different meaning.

In a nutshell, it's time to say goodbye to this "old friend" with a sense of ritual and find a new life. It's not about fighting against the past or compromising, but about separating yourself from the past and focusing on the positive changes that may be possible in the present.

Be sure to treasure every little change!

The action after saying goodbye may not be completely revolutionary, but it can still be a great step in the right direction! It's important to keep in mind that your "viral beliefs" won't disappear overnight. Take them with you and open your eyes to the world around you!

For example, when you realize that you are deliberately choosing hardship, take a moment to pause, delay gratification, or simply give up.

For example, you can really make the most of the good times by recording them, sharing them with your family and friends, and so on.

For example, try to work with others more to help you make decisions that are right for you and not just what you think is best for you alone.

Hey there! You have a strong sense of awareness, so use it as a resource to your advantage and start changing with action!

Use your inner wisdom to bid farewell to the old "viral concept" and embark on a journey of positive change!

I love you, and I know you love yourself and the world too!

You are experiencing discomfort now because you have become aware of your true self and have developed a keen ability to reflect on yourself in this regard.

You may find yourself deliberately choosing a challenging approach to achieve your goals, despite the discomfort it may cause. Is there a way to find a balance between pushing through the pain and seeking an easier path?

The host is now experiencing some confusion about himself, which presents a valuable opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

The host reflects on his family relationships. His mother is a strong and controlling presence, and also a bit anxious. It seems that she is aware of this.

When you were young, your parents occasionally had some rather pessimistic thoughts, which may have made you feel somewhat helpless and scared. How do you think these affected you?

Could you please share what kind of feelings you had growing up under your parents' strict education and heavy demands? Did you take on some of the responsibilities that were originally your parents' to handle?

It is often the case that young children view their parents as all-powerful beings who can protect them from harm. However, as children grow up, they often begin to understand that their parents are not invincible, and that their strength and anxiety may be a result of this realization.

It is also possible that parents' pessimistic imagination of the future may be due to some setbacks in life and a sense of pity for the world.

The host may therefore begin to work hard to develop a strong sense of self, but the host is also an ordinary person. Both parents have difficulties that they cannot overcome, not to mention that the host is just a college student. Hugs to you, there are many things that cannot be eliminated just by being strong enough.

It would be beneficial for the author's parents to learn to release their negative emotions and avoid taking them out on their children. They may wish to consider seeking help from friends, exercising, meditating, or consulting a counselor.

It would be beneficial for the host to learn to let go of negative emotions. Now that the host has realized that she has been influenced by her parents' way of acting, she may wish to consider making some changes. It can be helpful to share with like-minded friends, learn to ask for help when you encounter difficulties, and remember that it's normal to have negative emotions. Learning to face and resolve them can also be beneficial.

You are truly wonderful and kind. It's important to recognize that not everything is within our control.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider letting go of some of the burdens you carry. It might be beneficial to allow your heart to be light and to embrace the joys and sorrows of each day.