Are you used to giving and not refusing, and also used to hiding these things?

Hello, question asker! I'm sending you a warm hug to comfort your wounded heart.

I also want to commend you for your kindness. You are really kind! Now, let's take a look at your question together.

You said you're currently in your third year of vocational high school. You've been self-harming since the second year of junior high school. You cut yourself with a knife to feel the pain, which makes you feel mentally relaxed and comfortable. Watching the blood flow from your body, you feel less pain inside. You don't understand this abnormal behavior of yours. You think you might be sick, but you haven't told your parents so as not to worry them.

You go out with friends and see everyone having fun, but you're not really happy inside. You still fake a smile, though. I feel for you in these situations. You've had a tough time. You're a junior high and high school student experiencing such difficult things.

You also say you have problems in your personal relationships. You don't know how to say no to your friends; you only know how to give. In your relationships with friends, you ignore and neglect yourself in order to satisfy the needs of the other person.

You're willing to put off your own plans to help a friend, and you're also willing to do whatever it takes to help them. You took money from your family members and spent it on your friends, which led to a conflict with your mother.

You're willing to make such selfless sacrifices in front of your friends and even willing to cause conflicts with your friends and family in order to protect them. This is because you value friendship and are a very righteous person.

☀️Regarding your two questions, I suggest you find a chance to chat with your family. They care about your health and safety, and talking about it might help. For the second one, I think you can think about how to achieve all three when you have a conflict between your friends and your family. Don't sacrifice your family's interests just to maintain your friendships.

Best wishes, and I hope my answer has been helpful. Have a great day!

Hello, question owner! I'm Du Ying, a listening therapist, and I'm excited to help you.

Reading your description, I really want to hug you! You seem like a particularly kind child. Perhaps it is because of that kindness that we always consider others and ignore ourselves, suppressing our feelings and needs. From childhood to adulthood, this repressive force becomes a form of self-attack in adolescence, cutting your wrists. And you feel very comfortable when you cut your wrists, because this repression has been released to a certain extent. This pattern of repressing yourself to please others also includes your interactions with friends.

This makes you unhappy and arouses your parents' suspicion. You have come here for help and you must want to know why. Let's take a look!

You know, you cut your wrists, so you must have suppressed a lot of feelings and needs when you were young. Your parents were probably pretty demanding or strong, and you might have been punished if you didn't do as they said. So you adopted the strategy of pleasing others, ignoring your own feelings and needs to satisfy your family. And the more you did this, the more they would intensify it. At this time, you felt that your sense of worth was very low, that no one considered your feelings and needs, and that you were not good enough.

So, you have to establish relationships by constantly sacrificing yourself and satisfying others. If you don't, you'll feel like you'll lose the relationship or it will deteriorate. This is also why you are always willing to give your money to your classmates to spend and lie to your parents—because you are excited to keep your relationship with your classmates strong!

But this is not the way to establish a healthy relationship. You have so much potential! You can feel your feelings and meet your needs. You may try to feel yourself and relieve the pressure by self-harming, which makes you feel comfortable, but this is not the way to go.

In your case, if you take a psychological test, you should be diagnosed with depression. The good news is that there are ways to treat this! Many adolescents with depression have a tendency to self-harm and commit suicide.

Based on the above analysis, I would love to give the questioner a few suggestions!

First, you can conquer your psychological problems! Pay attention to this problem and actively find a way to treat it before it gets worse and causes you more harm in the future. Therefore, it is recommended that you honestly explain the situation to your parents, so that they can take you to see a psychologist and actively cooperate with the treatment of the psychologist and counselor.

Second, treat yourself with the love and respect you deserve! You only get one shot at life, so make it count. Look after your body and stop cutting—you've got this!

It's time to let go of all that negative energy and embrace a healthier, happier you! Get your heart pumping with a good workout or a brisk walk. It'll do wonders for your mood and help you feel more in control.

You can also talk to a close friend about the troubles you've had since childhood, the things that didn't go your way. You can talk about anything that made you feel depressed and uncomfortable in the past, especially about your parents. It's a great way to work through things and gain a new perspective!

You can totally talk to the school psychologist or a counselor! It'll be so helpful to talk about it.

Third, it's time to level up your character! When you're interacting with everyone, including your parents, you get to learn how to express your feelings and needs and avoid acting to please others. You can both satisfy others and express your feelings and needs!

This is a great way to let others see your feelings and needs. Even if they can't fully satisfy you, at least they know your bottom line, and they will then consider and respect your feelings and needs. If you don't want to satisfy others, you can also learn to say no, and not blindly sacrifice your own feelings and needs.

For example, you can tell your current classmates: I had the best time with you! We spent money and ate together. I want to keep doing that. But my parents found out and they were not happy about it. It makes me feel bad.

Let's have dinner together and each pay for our own food! When I can earn my own money in the future, I can treat you to more dinners. The question asker may be worried that your relationship will become bad. But it won't! True friendship is based on mutual understanding and respect. If you say that he really doesn't want to be friends with you, it also shows that your friendship is not innocent enough. But you can still have a great friendship! In fact, losing it is also fine. There is also a possibility that he can feel what you have done for him, and he will cherish you even more.

I really hope this helps the questioner! I really hope the questioner can take responsibility for their own lives, make the wisest choice, and get out of their current predicament as soon as possible.

Hello, question asker! After reading your description, I feel compelled to offer you some comfort, my child.

From your description, it's clear that you feel sick and are afraid to tell your parents because you don't want to worry them. It's obvious that you love your parents very much.

You're in conflict with your parents for the sake of your friend, and you're unhappy about it. What have you gained by being so self-depriving?

This is not a friendship you want.

You hang out with them, you pretend to be happy, you repress your emotions, and what do you get out of it? Let me ask you this: after you've done it, have you fulfilled your needs?

You said you'd rather compromise yourself to make others happy. What do you get in return? Do you think that's friendship?

This is not a true friendship.

The principles of good interpersonal relationships are mutuality, exchangeability, self-worth protection, and equality.

From your description, it's clear that your friend isn't helping you. They're only suppressing themselves and causing themselves harm. They don't know why you need it because it's not you, and they can't make choices for you. They can only give the following suggestions for your reference.

1. You may be a people-pleaser, hoping to gain recognition from others. Alternatively, you may feel lonely and do this to avoid being in an awkward situation.

You must understand that you are doing everything you can for other people, not for yourself.

You need to give yourself the sense of security and belonging you seek, not others.

You can't control other people, so don't waste your time trying. All you need is within yourself, and you have complete control over it.

You must recognize and please yourself, not others.

2. Discover your strengths.

You may feel inferior or that you are no good, but you should look at your own merits to boost your self-confidence.

3. Find other proper ways to vent.

Self-harm may make you feel relaxed, but it is not the right way to vent. You should let off steam by talking to friends, talking to your parents, or through relaxation, exercise, etc.

If you have no one to talk to, write it down. It's a good way to vent.

4. Speak to your parents in a clear and assertive manner.

You are worried about your parents because of the conflict over spending money. You also want to maintain your friendship with them. Hiding is not a long-term solution. You still need money from your family to support yourself. Communicating better with your parents is a good idea.

5. Express your needs appropriately.

You often repress yourself, and your needs go unmet for a long time. This makes you carry a heavy load and you are prone to negative emotions. You need to actively express your needs, what you want, and what you need. You can express it all. Don't lose yourself.

The above is for reference only. Best wishes!