At 30, life is confusing. How should I handle my career and marriage?

From the text, it seems that the questioner is facing some challenges and is seeking guidance. He has not yet had the opportunity to gain experience in an area he is interested in, and his current income is limited. Additionally, he is single and has not yet found a partner. It's understandable that the "anime design" he once wanted to learn, which he felt might not have a promising future, has not yet been replaced by something he is more satisfied with. It's important to recognize that making a conscious decision to pursue a different path does not necessarily mean that one has to give up on their dreams entirely.

I have been working for ten years since graduation, and there is little room for promotion and development. I may continue working for another ten years at the same salary. If I retire at 65, I may not be able to work until I am 55 due to lack of strength. This is a concern of mine.

Regarding marriage, I have been on blind dates since graduation. I wonder if my emotional intelligence is not as high as it could be, and if that makes it difficult for girls to continue chatting with me after a few words. It's also possible that my salary is not as high as many women are looking for. On the positive side, I have already purchased a house, which is usually quite manageable. This is the second issue that concerns me.

The questioner seems to be very clear about the problem that is worrying him. However, the questioner also expresses some uncertainty about the future. For example, the questioner wonders whether he will still be earning the same salary in ten years, whether he will be able to work until he is 55 because of lack of energy, and whether his emotional intelligence is too low. The questioner also expresses concern about his salary. It seems that these uncertainties have led the questioner to feel worried.

It seems that if the first issue is resolved, the second one may also be addressed. After much reflection, it appears that these challenges are rooted in the universal experiences of career and love. It is evident that career is still a pivotal concern. Once this is addressed, it may facilitate a more straightforward approach to love.

In this passage, it appears that the questioner has identified a potential solution and is considering how to address these two significant challenges.

Ten years ago, I had the desire to study animation design. However, I was advised that it was not a viable career path, so I decided to pursue other options. In hindsight, I believe that if one is able to engage in a profession they are passionate about on a daily basis, regardless of financial compensation or the ability to start a family, as long as they are able to meet their basic needs, they will likely find a sense of fulfillment.

It seems that the topic has shifted somewhat, from the questioner's initial interest in anime design to a more personal reflection on past regrets. It's understandable that, at this moment, the questioner is drawn to the idea of pursuing what they truly enjoy, rather than focusing on the two significant concerns that initially caused distress. It's also evident that the questioner's personal sense of happiness is now a key consideration.

From this, I wonder if the questioner is currently experiencing uncertainty about his future plans and is spending his free time playing video games, which could be perceived as a rebellious act. Is he challenging the advice he received about anime, suggesting that it has a promising future?

Could it be that you have some regrets about initially following the advice of others and not making your own decisions? Do you feel that this has led to a situation where you are now facing the consequences of your actions?

The questioner has excellent thinking skills, but is still somewhat uncertain about how to fully embrace his authentic self. This has led to a slight hesitation between two paths: aligning with his true self or adhering to external expectations.

After weighing the options and being prepared to face the outcomes, I believe the questioner's resolve will be strengthened.

I hope my reply has been helpful. I am sincerely convinced that the path ahead will be clear. Best wishes!

Hello. I believe that a life that you can see the end of at a glance may be perceived as decadent. Similarly, I feel that work is like tasteless chicken ribs; it's not particularly enjoyable to eat, but it would be a shame to discard it.

I would like to extend my sincerest congratulations to you for taking the first step in recognizing your confusion and being brave enough to ask for help. It is often beneficial to seek the guidance of professionals when one encounters challenges that they are unable to resolve on their own. In light of this, I would like to suggest that you consider meeting with a career planner to discuss your career confusion.

Secondly, with regard to your emotional well-being, I don't believe that your income is the sole determining factor. As you mentioned, your income is certainly not low for the area, and you already own a home.

You have a place to live, a stable job with a decent salary. These conditions, combined with the possible emotional problems you feel, also require you to consider whether the life you lead is not attractive enough to the opposite sex. Perhaps you could try to be healthy, interesting, and versatile? At the age of 33, it's never too late to learn something new.

There are so many possibilities.

Finally, what is the standard for living a good life? It is worth noting that there is no fixed answer, but it definitely includes loving life and having aspirations for the future. If you feel that you are not completely satisfied with reality or are disappointed, it may be helpful to consider making a change. You may find it beneficial to step out of your comfort zone and replace the time spent playing games with fitness or learning a talent or skill.

I have a feeling that things will start to look different for you soon.

I'm sure good fortune will find you soon, so please keep up the good work!

Hello!

You are 33 and have a stable job, but little prospect for development. Your romantic relationship and marriage have also been affected by your low income. I understand your inner confusion, anxiety, depression, and guilt.

Two forces are tearing you apart, causing your indecision and procrastination.

You accept your current situation. A salary of 5,000 yuan is fine for living in a county town. You have your own house, which you like. You are content.

You're worried you won't be able to do this job when you get older because you're not strong enough.

Your love life and marriage were blocked when your blind date didn't work out. You felt that your low income from this job caused this. You think that solving your career problems will solve your love life problems.

You are dissatisfied with your work.

There's a conflict and contradiction in the above two points.

You may like anime, but others said it had no future. You now believe that if you can do what you like every day, you will be happy.

I have some suggestions for you to think about.

1. Think about what you want.

Not knowing what you want can cause inner conflict. If you want a stable life and to be happy with what you have, you need to cultivate your character. Or you can strive for a more abundant material life. If you want something different, you must persevere in pursuing new goals.

You can't settle down until you know what kind of life you want.

Set goals and make realistic efforts to achieve them.

Know what you want, assess your abilities, and set a goal.

Setting a goal can create pressure that makes us try harder to achieve it.

You shouldn't give up just because someone says so. There are successful and unsuccessful people in every industry. You won't know your limits unless you try.

3. Play to your strengths and make up for your weaknesses.

You've been on blind dates, but the girls don't want to continue. You think it may be because of your emotional intelligence or salary.

If you know why you're having trouble, you can play to your strengths and work on your weaknesses.

If you lack emotional intelligence, you can learn to think and act in a more broad-minded way. You can also learn about psychology, understand women better, have more topics of conversation, become more humorous and witty, etc.

Income levels vary. There's always someone better or worse off than you. Find someone who's a good match. A girl with a monthly income of 2,000 yuan will think your income is high.

Some girls don't care about money when it comes to marriage and love. They just want a good person who treats them well.

If you have trouble finding a partner because your income is low, you can learn to earn more money by spending time learning to make money instead of playing games.

4. Be realistic.

If you can do what you like every day, you will be happy.

This is probably just fantasy. If you only play anime every day and don't earn money, you may be more anxious and suffer more.

Hobbies and work are different.

Work is for making a living. Hobbies are for fun. It's best not to make money from hobbies. When hobbies become a way to earn money, it's easy to lose focus.

So, it's best to give up these fantasies, work hard, and improve your abilities.

I hope Hongyu's reply helps. Thanks for asking!

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can help you out in some way.

Reading your post, I can totally relate to your confusion and worries. I want to give you a big hug and hope you can feel some warmth and support.

My husband and I fell in love in college and have been together ever since. We had a "naked wedding" – we had nothing when we got together, and we didn't have a car or a house when we got married. But now we have everything, and our relationship is still going strong! So my life experience tells me that you don't have to be successful in your career to get married. You can still develop your career after getting married and starting a family, and it may even promote career development!

I'd love to offer some friendly advice to the original poster:

First of all, it's so important to believe that you'll meet the right person for you.

The Pygmalion effect is a great reminder that what we expect is often what we get. It's not always what we want, but it's always worth having an open mind and an optimistic outlook!

As long as you expect with confidence and really believe that things will go smoothly, they really will! On the contrary, if you believe that things are constantly being hindered, these hindrances will arise.

So, if you feel like you're not successful in your career and can't seem to meet that special someone, it might be because you're unconsciously holding yourself back. But here's the good news: if you believe that, given your current situation, you will also meet a suitable partner who will support you and give you more motivation and courage in life, and you will create a better life together...

I'm sure you'll find that your feelings and actions will be completely different when you compare the two.

So, always tell yourself: I will definitely meet the person who will make me happy, and my career will become more and more successful... I know it will happen!

? About work and career

The host said that he already has a house, and it's enough, but he may not be very passionate about his work, right?

It's true! Many people are doing jobs they don't particularly like to help them meet their basic survival needs. The rest of the time, they spend doing the things they love. After work, they study things that interest them, such as public speaking, psychology, broadcasting, painting, etc.

When their abilities reach a certain level, they'll find the perfect opportunity to transform. This is mainly due to their daily accumulation, and they do so many wonderful things outside of work during the eight hours.

So, you can also do these things you like in your spare time, go into anime design, and not only enjoy the fun it brings you, but also lay a good foundation for your future career transformation. Isn't that killing two birds with one stone?

There are so many examples of this! If it works for other people, it can work for you too!

Let's talk about relationships!

Guess what! When girls are choosing a boyfriend or husband, money isn't really a factor.

Every girl is different, and every girl likes a different type of guy. But one thing is for sure: most girls will look for a boyfriend who can give them a sense of security and belonging.

From an evolutionary psychology perspective, women have always played a bigger role in the family than men. It's not just because they can only release about 300-500 eggs in their lifetime, while men can release about 1 trillion sperm in theirs. It's also because, from a reproductive perspective, men have a lower cost of choosing a mate and more opportunities to reproduce. Women, on the other hand, cannot be so arbitrary and need to pay more in this regard. So, they are naturally more cautious when choosing a mate.

From a social environment perspective, a woman needs to devote a lot of energy to raising a child from the time she becomes pregnant. It can be really tough! If she doesn't have a strong enough man behind her, facing the financial pressures of the family, the developmental needs of the child, and her own development needs, she will feel very helpless and even collapse. It's so important to have a man who can provide support, which will give her a sense of security and belonging.

Some folks might say that when girls choose boyfriends, they look at how wealthy the other person is, thinking that a rich guy is more "reliable." But the truth is, most girls don't want to be financially dependent; they want someone who can support them emotionally.

In today's world, lots of women are super independent financially. They don't need a man to give them a great financial situation. They just need someone to care for them when they're tired, to comfort them when they're sad, and to support and encourage them when they lose confidence. This kind of emotional support can make them feel more secure and at ease than financial security.

So, how do girls decide if a guy can give them a sense of security and belonging?

And is he motivated?

It's not so much about what you've achieved, but whether you're motivated and proactive.

He's a highly motivated person who is always looking for ways to solve problems. In the process of taking action and solving problems, his abilities will be continuously enhanced. Slowly, through continuous accumulation and growth, his potential will gradually be realized, and he will eventually become a very capable person.

I know this very well. When my husband and I were together, we had almost nothing. His starting salary after graduating from university was only 500 yuan a month, but I never worried about his abilities because he was always motivated and eager to learn and grow. And look at him now! Through his continuous hard work, he has successfully started his own business, which has given our family sufficient financial security.

And is he responsible?

A responsible guy makes a girl feel secure and willing to commit to him for life. After all, the three essential elements of an intimate relationship are intimacy, passion, and commitment.

If we only have the passion and intimacy of the early stages of a relationship, but no commitment, it can be tough to keep things going.

If a guy is responsible, willing to take on his share of the responsibilities in the relationship, and not shirking or avoiding his responsibilities, then he can really make a difference in the relationship. He can exert the power of commitment and help the relationship last and be stable.

Family-oriented is a great way to put it!

That's what makes a home a home, isn't it? It's where we feel safe and loved.

It's so important to remember that a man's work is his own business. But when he's only concerned with working hard outside the home, without regard for his wife and children at home, and doesn't care when the children are sick or the wife is in trouble, or even ignores them, saying over and over that his hard work is to give you a better life, it's time to ask ourselves: is this hard work and struggle really for his own career ambitions or is it really for the needs of his wife and children?

It's so sad that there are so many widowed marriages out there, with women carrying the burden of helplessness. They don't need a man to make a lot of money, but they could really use some care and support when they're exhausted, as well as some understanding and care.

We all need to take care of ourselves and our own feelings and needs.

If you're lucky enough to find someone who can understand you and take care of your feelings and needs, even if it's a little hard being with that person, you'll know you're loved and you won't feel aggrieved or that it's not worth it.

It's also important to learn to express ourselves in intimate relationships and to speak our feelings and needs. If we don't, it can be really difficult for the other person to know what we're thinking, and they might use their own understanding to deal with our conflicts and problems. But this kind of handling won't meet our needs, and we might feel like the other person doesn't understand us, which can make us feel insecure in the relationship.

So, it's really important that we don't let problems build up in our relationships. We should learn to express our emotions and needs in a way that's non-violent and caring. This could be by saying things like, "I'm feeling this way because..." or "I need you to understand..." and then finally, we can say exactly what we need.

Hey there! I just wanted to check in and see if you have principles?

A person with principles will be seen as reliable. It's so important to have a solid foundation in a relationship! Without a clear set of principles, it can be really hard to provide the security and stability that we all need.

Mr. Chen Guo once asked a male friend, "How can you remain calm in the face of temptation?"

It's totally normal to feel tempted sometimes! It's not easy to stay calm when we're faced with temptation, and it's okay to admit that.

Her friend replied with a smile, "I don't even give other people a chance to 'sit in my arms without moving'!"

This is what a principled man is like. When he is tempted, he can control himself and nip his desires in the bud. It's so important to have principles! Without them, we can be easily tempted and attracted by novelty, which can cause emotional harm.

Absolutely! What girls value is not quite the same as what boys value. It's best for boys not to use their own thinking to speculate about the hearts of girls. They may seem sensitive and sometimes even unreasonable, but in fact, all they need is a sense of security and belonging.

I hope this is helpful for you! Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker. I am happy to answer your question.

From the questioner's description, it's clear that he's in his thirties and wants to start a family. However, he lacks the skills to plan his future life and is uncertain about the future. Going on blind dates is always frustrating, and your income is not high. It seems that life is over at a glance, and you feel that there is no passion or motivation.

I'll give the OP a pat on the shoulder and hope to give the OP a little strength. Find the most important thing in your life and make it happen. Girls like motivated guys, and it's really hard to accept being content with the status quo.

Since the question was asked on a platform, I will share some of my life planning and experiences with the questioner.

Understand the crux of the problem.

Don't waste time on superficial problems. First, identify the core issue. Solving a problem starts with understanding the real problem.

The questioner's description indicates a lack of long-term planning and a tendency to go through the motions daily. To make a positive impression and convey motivation, it's essential to create a long-term plan for one's future.

Take the initiative and start a side business. If you have a car, get into ridesharing.

If you don't have a car, find some part-time work online. And if you haven't been promoted, improve your education or knowledge.

If there's an opportunity to move up a level, seize it.

Make a plan to improve.

Once you know where you can improve, you must start making a plan. Look for resources around you to help with your plan.

For example, if your friends and family have any good part-time job or good exam route introductions, don't hesitate to use the resources around you. You can also make a simple improvement list, write down everything you want to improve, and write down which step you have achieved and what the progress is like, just like game experience. This will undoubtedly motivate the question owner to improve themselves.

The questioner can change themselves at their own pace. As long as they keep at it, their family and friends will see the effort they're making and will change their attitude, too. They'll be willing to give the questioner more opportunities for improvement.

Know what you want, know who you are, and know what you can do. The world will give in when you focus on your goal.

Take action.

Make a plan and get started. Don't waste time.

Take action now to improve your situation and succeed. You may have to work hard, but you will succeed if you act.

As Forrest Gump said, "You've got to try."

Communication is key.

If you feel lonely or lack motivation on the road to improvement, you can exchange ideas with your peers or classmates. You can also solve problems through communication and ask everyone for advice by bringing up your problems.

Seek help from friends, experts, and family members around you, and communicate your thoughts with them more often. You will only get help from everyone and inspiration from their conversations if you do this.

Get your mind right, deal with your problems, and if necessary, be prepared to sacrifice your time. Don't delay any longer. Take one step at a time, and you will definitely have an unexpected new life.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.

Hello!

I'm a mindfulness coach. Learning is a treasure.

From your description, I can tell you're confused, negative, stuck, in pain, and helpless.

I won't go into your career and marriage worries, but I have three pieces of advice:

First, accept your current state.

It will make you feel better and help you think about what to do next.

You're 33, have a college degree, and earn 5,000 yuan a month. It's not exciting, and you don't see room for growth. Your marriage is also rocky. You've been on a lot of bad dates since graduating, but you think it's because you're not emotionally intelligent. This has made your career and marriage your two biggest problems. You're confused. If someone else were in your situation, they'd probably feel the same way. We all want success, happiness, and a good marriage. So you have to accept your situation and "see" the anxious, worried, and temporarily lost you. This will give you the mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will be filled with negative emotions.

If you accept yourself, you can change the situation. It may sound strange, but that's how it works.

Secondly, think about your own state.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality.

To do this, you need to:

See your strengths.

From your description, you may feel that you are not good enough, not outstanding enough, your salary is not very high, and your emotional intelligence is not very high, so you don't have love yet. But you have your own house and a stable job, which are also advantages.

Also, most girls you meet know your salary because the matchmaker explains your situation. Your job isn't a problem. Think about yourself and believe in yourself.

Second, view yourself as you would a child.

You may feel too old at 33, but you still have time to improve.

When you think about it, you'll feel better.

Focus on yourself and think about how you can feel better.

When you think about it, you know what to do. Focus on yourself and try your best.

You can spend your free time doing things you like. You have a stable job, you are not tired, and you want to earn more money and do the things you like. You can spend your free time learning about animation design, for example. There are many convenient ways to learn, such as online courses. You can also do other things you want to do. This way, you can keep your job while also doing things you like.

Take a good look at this job. Is there really no room for development? Look at other colleagues and see how they view this job. This may help you understand the job better and know how to respond next.

The same goes for marriage. Think about your dating experiences and figure out why some didn't work out and others did. This reflection can help you learn, understand yourself better, and find the direction for your next efforts.

When you work on your weaknesses, accept what you can't change, and change what you can, you'll be better able to love and you'll be more likely to start a relationship and advance in your career.

Taking action can help you feel better.

I hope this helps. Click "Find a coach" at the bottom to talk to me one-on-one.

Good morning!

I just read your message and I can see that you're feeling confused and helpless at the moment.

From what you've told me, it seems like you have a lot of resources at your disposal.

In a small county, a monthly salary of more than 5,000 yuan is pretty good, and the job is stable. You've got your own house, too. These conditions are a great foundation for your future spouse and marriage. You don't know how many people without a house or a stable job in some places envy you right now!

And you used to have a thing for anime design.

However, it seems like you're not totally satisfied with yourself. You feel a bit unhappy and find life and work a bit boring. You just go home every day to play games, and you're quite decadent.

So, the main issue is that you're not happy with yourself, you don't approve of yourself, and you're your own worst critic.

If you want to get out of these situations, you need to take a good look at yourself, recognize your own worth, and appreciate yourself. Only when you like yourself can you attract others to recognize that they like you.

There could be many reasons for your lack of self-acceptance. Things like your family of origin, upbringing, and how you were viewed by significant others might play a part. It's not your fault, and it's okay. As long as you're willing to try to change, you can work through these issues.

So, what I want to tell you is that if you can recognize yourself, appreciate yourself, and like yourself, you'll find work isn't so tedious, you'll have a positive attitude towards life, you'll be full of love for life, and love will follow.

Don't be too quick to label yourself negatively. Your emotional intelligence is not low, and there's no problem. The fact that you've been able to find and maintain a stable job for over ten years shows that your emotional intelligence is just fine!

In the workplace, we can "find joy in suffering" and find ways to relax and recharge in the midst of boredom. It's not easy to find a relaxed and stable job nowadays. Having a stable job gives you the freedom to pursue your hobbies with more energy.

You like anime design, and now you can start again. Don't worry, it won't affect your main job. We can be slashies! You have plenty of spare time to put to good use. When you have a hobby, you will feel fulfilled, and life will be full of color.

I hope my answer was helpful!

I also believe that you will continue to grow and improve! Best wishes!

You're not alone. The world and we love you!

Hello, question asker! I'm thrilled to be able to answer your question.

From your description, I can feel that your current state of life has made you feel uneasy, lost, and stressed. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

Next, I'm excited to share some of my personal understanding with you! I think you'll find it helpful to understand the following three parts of related knowledge.

###Understanding career planning###

There's an old Chinese saying that you should be independent by the age of 30!

Many post-90s people are excited to achieve this goal!

When we reach 30, we have the incredible opportunity to achieve our goals at lightning speed! While this can feel overwhelming, it also means we have the chance to make our dreams a reality.

Currently, the questioner's monthly salary is 5,000 yuan, and he has a house. In a small town, this is already a considerable income! Furthermore, the job is quite stable, which shows that the financial foundation is still quite good.

I think the main sources of dissatisfaction with the current job are: frustration with blind dates, burnout, and self-expectations.

There are so many factors that influence a person's choice of career! Some studies have shown that geographical location, salary, promotion prospects, hobbies, job stability, and degree of comfort are just a few of the many factors that can play a role.

When the original poster chose this career, he or she probably valued its stability. Everyone is an independent individual, so the focus on career choice differs. The good news is that dissatisfaction with this part can be adjusted by learning about career planning, which is also conducive to helping oneself understand our true inner needs!

### Understanding communication skills:

Adler made an excellent point in "The Art of Communication." He said that communication skills are something anyone can learn. And it's true! These skills can help you get the information you need from others while maintaining existing relationships.

The questioner said that the part of the problem that is related to communication with the blind date can be totally fixed through learning!

As the saying goes, "God gave us one year to learn to speak, but a lifetime to learn to shut up."

In communicating with others, learning to listen is a great way to make a positive impact! Not being able to listen can lead to communication difficulties, so it's important to be an active and engaged listener.

So, when it comes to this part of the marriage and love troubles,

The questioner may be convinced that if work is solved, love and marriage will be solved as well!

[It will be seen in a new light as there is a fascinating connection between the two.

Oh, what if they have no connection with each other?

I heard someone say that love is probably the most subjective thing in the world, and everyone understands and perceives it differently—and it's a wonderful thing!

The good news is that there is more than one way to experience love. While some people focus on external conditions, there is also love based on internal feelings. So, the questioner should not feel sorry for himself. Learning to communicate with others could be a great way to improve his situation!

### Understanding Stress and Emotion Management ###

The questioner is facing some exciting challenges in their career and marriage, which are common stressors for adults.

You can chat with friends around you!

Absolutely! You can definitely find a space on the Internet to relieve your stress.

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Absolutely!

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Absolutely!

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In short, you need to find a place for your emotions! It will be hard for us if we hold them inside, so let's find a way to express them.

The above represents only my personal opinion, and I'm excited to see what the future holds! I hope the questioner will soon find a way out of their confusion, and I'm looking forward to seeing what they come up with!

Hello, question asker!

I'm not going to waste your time with the usual platitudes of understanding and theories. I want to answer, so let's dive right in!

I'm a few years older than you now, and I'm the mother of an 8-year-old! It's quite coincidental that I had similar concerns when I was about your age.

As you may know, at our age, if you haven't been promoted, there's no hope. So that's when I started to feel anxious. But I've got to tell you, my work ability and attitude are obviously much better than my colleagues', and I'm excited to see what the future holds! 1. I haven't been promoted yet, but I'm confident that it's only a matter of time. Many of my juniors, even the post-90s, have been promoted, and I'm eager to see what I can do to get there.

2. My in-laws never treated me like family, my husband was absent, I was raising my child alone, and my family never helped. This gave me the opportunity to grow and become stronger than I ever thought possible!

I'm sure you'll agree that although I got married, I was no better off. But I'm delighted to say that I bounced back and became stronger than ever!

Like you, I also began to realize the need for change and transformation. Unlike you, after I regained consciousness from my severe depression (before that, I was unconsciously crazy, beating and cursing), I began to use my manic periods to learn skills like video editing, and within a month I was able to become the third best in the country in the same system! I learned to draw comics within a month and was able to publish them on the central platform!

After that, I was noticed by the central authorities and got the amazing opportunity to work in Beijing! Later, my husband took the initiative to take care of the children and became family-oriented. My in-laws changed their attitude towards me, and my parents stopped criticizing and ridiculing me. They even felt proud of their child!

The best part is that I've found myself again and I'm not worthless anymore! I've also overcome my lack of recognition and depression.

We are very similar! I wrote this to tell you that if you want to change, take action immediately. If you put your mind to it, fate will not let you down!

Once you become strong, the world is your oyster! Everything you want will come to you.

Dear question asker,

I'll try to avoid the usual platitudes of understanding and theories, but since I'd like to answer, I'll do my best to show empathy.

I hope you don't mind me saying that I'm a few years older than you now and I'm the mother of an 8-year-old. I wonder if it's a coincidence that I had similar concerns when I was about your age.

As you may be aware, at our age, if you haven't been promoted, it can be challenging to maintain hope. I began to experience some anxiety as a result. 1. I believe my work ability and attitude are stronger than those of my colleagues. However, I haven't been promoted, while many of my juniors, even those born in the 1990s, have.

2. My in-laws never treated me like family. My husband was absent, I was raising my child alone, and my family never helped, which caused me to become nervous and even have a nervous breakdown.

It could be said that, despite getting married, I was no better off than before. This led to a period of severe depression.

Like you, I began to recognize the need for change and transformation. Unlike you, after I regained consciousness from my severe depression (before that, I was unconsciously acting in ways that were not beneficial to myself or others), I began to use my manic periods to learn skills like video editing. Within a month, I was able to become the third best in the country in the same system. I learned to draw comics within a month and was able to publish them on the central platform.

Subsequently, I was fortunate to be noticed by someone in a certain position, which led to my relocation to Beijing. Over time, my husband demonstrated a commendable initiative in assuming greater responsibility for childcare, which contributed to a more balanced family dynamic. My in-laws also exhibited a notable shift in their attitude towards me, and my parents ceased their criticism and ridicule, which was a heartening development.

I believe that the most important thing is that I have found myself and no longer feel like a worthless person. I have gradually overcome the lack of recognition and depression.

I believe we have much in common. I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to share my experience and encourage you to take action if you want to make a change. I truly believe that if you put your mind to it, fate will support you.

Once you have achieved a certain level of strength, you will find that your desires will naturally come to fruition.

After reading your post and understanding your current situation, it seems that you have a stable job, but perhaps not a high salary. It also seems that there is limited room for future development and promotion. You are 33 years old this year, and perhaps deep down you still want to make further progress and break through the current bottleneck in your career and the general status quo of life.

It is commendable that you have high standards for yourself and a desire to improve. Even if you are currently financially secure, it is important to recognize the value in striving for personal growth and development.

It's understandable that a stable job is something many people dream of nowadays. It's worth considering the potential benefits of this first.

Additionally, your current single status may be causing you some concern. In many social circles, men at this age are expected to have a family, which can create a certain level of anxiety.

In summary, it seems that you are seeking a change but are unsure of the direction you should take, and you are not entirely satisfied with your current circumstances. You spend your days imagining a multitude of possibilities.

It's worth noting that there's no such thing as a perfect life. If I could offer you some advice, I'd suggest taking a moment to reflect on your current strengths. 1. I'm fortunate to have a stable job that isn't overly demanding, and my income is sufficient to support my basic needs. 2. I'm grateful to have a place to live, which means that if I meet the right person, there won't be any obstacles to marriage. 3. I'm still young at 33, so there's plenty of time to make changes. 4. Being single also means that I have more time to dedicate to personal growth and exploration.

I believe that your current shortcomings can be summarized as follows: 1. You haven't yet found a career that truly aligns with your aspirations. 2. You may benefit from guidance on how to begin your journey.

I've heard that taking action can help solve a significant portion of life's challenges. It seems that the issue may be more about thinking than about doing.

Ten years ago, you had the desire to learn animation, but you decided to stop because someone told you it wasn't a promising field. This suggests that you've always been interested in learning skills that have long-term potential.

I would like to propose a potential solution to this problem. Would it be possible for me to adopt this approach? 1. Carefully analyze your own characteristics, strengths, and what you like. Could you learn animation? Does it also mean that you have some special skills?

It is often the case that things are challenging at the outset, but with perseverance and dedication, one's heart and spirit will guide them towards their desired outcome. Even if the initially set goals are not fully achieved, the process of taking action can be a powerful source of motivation in itself.

Dear Question Asker,

The age of 30 often marks a significant turning point in one's life. Ancient wisdom suggests that at this age, an individual has typically established their career path and may be considering starting a family. Additionally, they may be contemplating new ideas about their professional pursuits.

The original poster's primary challenge pertains to his work situation. He has likely been employed at the same company for approximately a decade, with a consistent salary of 5,000 yuan. However, there is limited potential for advancement or career growth. He anticipates that he will only be able to continue working until he reaches the age of 55. Upon reflection, he recognizes that had he pursued his interest in animation a decade ago, he would have been content even if he could only support himself financially. However, he currently engages in leisure activities, such as gaming, on a daily basis, which he views as an indulgence.

In the Internet era, new professions are emerging all the time. Young people no longer pursue the traditional, secure employment opportunities that were once the norm for our parents. Instead, they are more willing to explore different career paths. However, some individuals still seek a stable and long-term job, despite the challenges associated with starting a business, unstable work, and low wages. Consequently, it is challenging to find a perfect job that aligns with everyone's expectations. The ideal job depends on the individual's personal and professional goals.

Ten years in the same position may seem uninspiring, as though you anticipate retiring shortly. It is understandable that you are disillusioned with your current role.

However, what you require is a stable life, and this position offers you a sense of stability, eliminating the need to worry about making a living in the future. You can then choose to continue in this role. To enrich your life outside of work and make the days more fulfilling, you should consider meeting with colleagues, going out with friends, developing a sport, or delving into a hobby.

While the work itself may be fixed and arranged by others, your life outside of work needs to be managed with care.

You previously expressed interest in pursuing a career in animation but decided to pursue other options after being advised that the field lacked long-term stability. Now, you're reconsidering your options. While a career in animation may not offer the same financial security as other professions, it can provide a sense of fulfillment and stability. This demonstrates that if you're willing to start anew in your career, you can accept a variable income and the opportunity to engage in your passion, even if it may not align with traditional family structures.

I am unsure of your level of determination. If you are unable to accept the current position due to a lack of advancement opportunities and are committed to pursuing your aspirations, it is important to be open to making adjustments at any time.

Given your affinity for gaming after work, consider leveraging this time to advance your aspirations. You may even encounter a new facet of yourself. I believe that when you are truly passionate about something, learning becomes a source of joy.

The most crucial aspect of your job search is determining the best path forward.

Best regards,

I am grateful for your invitation.

In reading your assertion that "if one engages in activities that one finds enjoyable on a daily basis, provided that one does not experience malnutrition, one will likely achieve a state of contentment," I am led to conclude that you are providing yourself with a form of solace. However, it is evident that you are not truly at ease, as evidenced by your current state of confusion.

From your description, it can be inferred that your current feelings about real life are stable but uninspiring, and that you are neither tired nor decadent. You have not provided any information about your career, merely stating that you have a job that supports your livelihood. Similarly, you have not commented on your love life.

Indeed, as previously stated, the completion of one's career does not inherently guarantee the resolution of one's romantic relationships. These two aspects of life are distinct, and there is no inherent causal relationship between them. It is possible that when an individual has achieved a measure of success in their chosen field, romantic opportunities may arise. Alternatively, it is equally plausible that it is the pursuit of romantic relationships that motivates an individual to strive for career advancement.

In order to achieve career success or the arrival of love, it is essential to be adequately prepared. The potential for upward mobility in one's career necessitates a significant investment in knowledge and skill development. Passive waiting for opportunities and luck is unlikely to yield positive outcomes in the majority of cases. To gain the attention of a romantic interest, it is crucial to demonstrate a positive overall quality, including effective communication, appropriate attire, and appropriate behavior. This will foster a sense of comfort and happiness in the individual with whom one is spending time, rather than relying on mere physical attraction to facilitate a romantic connection.

Indeed, upon reflection, neither career nor love represent current problems. The issue is that you have not yet planned to embrace them. With regard to your career, it is evident that you are somewhat apprehensive, as evidenced by your decision to abandon your pursuit of it when someone suggested that it lacked future potential. From your description of a stable job with a modest income, it is also apparent that you are concerned about experiencing undue hardship. With respect to love, it is worth noting that a low emotional quotient is not an insurmountable obstacle. It requires a combination of chance, which entails finding the right person, and your willingness to express your genuine feelings. When true feelings are present, there is an inherent sweetness and happiness.

While games may provide a certain degree of entertainment, it is the smiles and laughter in the real world that have a more profound impact. The accumulation of knowledge, engagement in social activities, the application of one's distinctive cognitive processes to discern right from wrong, and the appreciation of others' actions from an aesthetic perspective are all beneficial in alleviating confusion.

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

Hello question asker!

I'm Xiaobai. I don't have any worries, and I hope I can help you.

I've read your statement and have some thoughts to share.

Getting married is freedom. Not getting married is also freedom.

What scares you most about going home for the New Year? Some people say they're scared of not having money, while others say they're scared of being compared.

Maybe everyone is afraid of being surrounded by relatives and friends who are concerned about you. At 33, you are probably being pressured by your family to get married.

Everyone can choose whether or not to get married. If you meet the right person, great!

If you marry just for the sake of it, it won't last.

Two-way love is meaningful. There will always be someone who understands you. It's just a matter of time. A good wine doesn't need to advertise itself.

Is work more important than marriage?

There is no standard answer to this question. People have different perceptions.

Work is for a better life.

Singles who aren't married can make work their whole life.

But if a couple focuses on work, even a good marriage can suffer.

▶️ 2. Keeping a good work-marriage balance

A man who does well in his career can reduce the financial pressure on his wife. But he still has to take care of his family.

Many people neglect their marriages and families because they're too busy at work. This can lead to family breakdown.

Some families have a poor marriage that affects career development.

Work is also important for a happy marriage.

A happy marriage needs money, especially in today's society. If a man doesn't make enough money, it will be difficult for him to give his partner security.

The government is encouraging people to have two or three children. Many families want more, but if they don't earn well, I don't think I would have the courage to have more.

If you do well at work, you'll be more attractive to women. This will help your marriage.

Stop being lazy. Work on yourself. If you're willing to work hard, you can do anything.

It's okay to make mistakes, but don't keep making them. Work hard, young man.

In summary, these are my views and suggestions. I hope I can help.

I'm Xiaobai. I love you, world. ?

Hello, dear questioner!

Hi, I'm Yi Ming, your heart exploration coach!

I think that at some point in our lives, we all have similar concerns, and I'm here to help!

I'd absolutely love to chat with you! I really hope I can provide you with a different perspective.

1. About doing a stable job and doing what you like.

The current job is nice and stable, with a monthly salary of about 5,000 yuan. It's not the most exciting, and there isn't much room for promotion or development.

You can see the pros and cons pretty clearly, I'd say.

I totally get it. You may not like this job very much either.

I totally get it. It's not easy to give up a stable job like this.

It's not too tiring, so have you ever thought about doing something you like in your spare time?

It seems like you play games just to pass the time.

In "Low-Risk Entrepreneurship," Mr. Fan Deng says that many of us are willing to do anything to start a business, but it doesn't really work out well.

I truly believe that, on the basis of our stable income, we can find something we are willing to do, without pressure, and try it with ease. I think this could reap many rewards for us!

Even if it doesn't work out, you'll have gained some great experience!

I get the feeling you haven't found your true passion yet, but I'm here to help!

As long as you want to do it or learn it, it's never too late to start!

I'm not sure if you still enjoy anime design, but I think it's great if you do!

If you like it, then I really think you should try to use your spare time to learn!

There are so many great online resources and courses out there now!

Even if we don't end up doing the related work, at least we can pursue our dreams and see if we have the potential for it!

"Thinking is the problem, doing is the answer."

We can try to be more flexible about our current work and do what we like. This is not mutually exclusive; we can find a third way, just like some people who are slashies!

Of course, other people may go out for leisure and entertainment after work, while we may still be pursuing our dreams. But this path may face less resistance, which is great!

2. About love.

I'm here to help!

You said, "I've been on blind dates for a long time, but maybe my emotional intelligence is too low. Generally, girls don't want to continue a conversation after a few words. Maybe it's because my salary is really too low." "In fact, the key is still career issues. Once you've resolved your career, love will be easy."

I'd love to share something with you. You can ask your family or friends for their thoughts on why you've come to this conclusion. It might help you see things differently.

I just wanted to say that if you have a house and a stable job, you have a certain advantage in the matchmaking market.

It's just that girls are also looking for something better, too!

I just wonder, what is this better thing that we're all chasing after?

From what I've heard, some girls like to see if a guy has goals for his future.

Is he someone you find interesting?

And whether they're responsible, energetic, etc.

I just don't think that if you focus on your career first, your love life will be easy.

It's so important to know what you're pursuing, what kind of life you're willing to lead, and what direction you're willing to work towards with a girl.

In life, there are so many men and women who work together and are willing to work hard for a common goal!

And the most important thing we can do is focus on ourselves and our own development.

We are the ones responsible for our own lives and happiness.

Work is just part of our lives, you know?

With everything changing so fast these days, I'd love to know what industry you work in!

I'd love to know what you think will happen when you're 55!

I truly believe that the only thing that never changes is change itself.

It doesn't matter what job we do, our natural talents, such as our ability to learn, communicate with others, adapt, etc., can help us cope with external changes and apply our skills to many different jobs.

I truly believe that investing in our abilities is probably more important than the job we do.

When you're thinking about what career you'd like to have, it can be really helpful to think about the three areas of "what you love," "what you're good at," and "what society needs."

And this needs to be explored slowly, at your own pace.

"We not only need to find work we love, but also build a life we love."

If you're interested, I'd highly recommend reading the book Tear Down the Walls in Your Mind.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

I can totally relate to your question! We all have these pointless worries, we're all waiting for our partners, and we all feel like something's not quite right with us. But you know what? It's totally normal! We're all just suffering from pointless worries, doing work that we can see the end of coming, waiting for our partners, and feeling that something is not quite right with us.

This situation is perfectly normal, and it can be said that everyone will experience a period of confusion and meaninglessness-is-severe-what-should-i-do-5306.html" target="_blank">meaninglessness—and then something amazing will happen!

In his book Existential Psychotherapy, the contemporary American psychotherapy master Irwin Yalom clearly describes the four ultimate areas of concern that existential psychotherapy offers people: death, freedom, loneliness, and meaninglessness.

We live in an amazing world that is essentially about experiencing all kinds of things. It's just that the experiences we have are different for each of us, starting from the moment we are born.

Take, for example, people born into wealthy families. They get to eat their fill, wear warm clothes, have whatever they want, and experience love and happiness every single day!

Some people are born into poor families, where they don't get enough to eat or wear warm clothes. They experience intimidation, threats, and beatings, and they can experience pain and hunger. But they also have the opportunity to experience the full range of human emotion!

And the best part is, we don't get to choose most of these experiences! But in any case, there is really no difference between these experiences.

Why do humans fear death? The reason is that death is the end of all human experience in this world—and what an amazing, incredible, and magnificent experience it has been!

However, some people have such a rich and full life that they are already experiencing so much that they want to end the experience quickly, and may choose to commit suicide.

And in the experience of life, the most exciting variable is meaning!

And the best part is that meaning is defined by the person themselves!

For example, some people define their lives as the pursuit of their dreams, so they respond positively to everything! Others just want to get by, so they go with the flow. And some people give themselves a special meaning, and they may devote themselves to an organization or a belief.

So, meaning shapes a person's whole life. If the questioner now feels that there is no meaning, then think about giving yourself a new meaning! This meaning may also change at some stage and may also shape our colorful lives.

I can see that the questioner is very clear about his current state and wants to change it. Then you absolutely should redefine your life! There's no need to feel any pressure, and you don't have to study with a daily dose of motivation.

All you need to do is make a little change to your life every day, and you'll be amazed at the difference it makes!

I highly recommend the book Micro Habits to the questioner. It introduces a self-management law that is so simple that it is impossible to fail. The author, Stephen Gass, went from being a loser who insisted on laziness, cowardice, and procrastination for nearly ten years to a best-selling author in just two years!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner! Thanks so much to everyone for your time. I'm Jiusi from Yixinli, World and I Love You.

Hello!

You see that there is a great conflict within you!

You are pulled in two opposite directions, and these forces are evenly matched. You cannot choose or act.

You are confused and powerless, with no motivation to do anything, and you can't find the value and meaning of your existence.

Ask yourself: What kind of life do I want to lead? How do I want to spend my life?

Do you do a job that is stable and comfortable, but you don't like? Or do you follow your heart, do what you like, and take the uncertain risks that come with it?

You need to figure out which side you prefer.

If you can't choose, it means this is your current state.

Allow yourself to be. Allow yourself to exist in your current state. Allow yourself to live your life as it is.

There's no need to rush. You've already taken the first step by exploring. This won't last forever.

Change will happen, it's just not the right time yet.

Just wait.

I remember learning about geography in the past, and there was a term called "quasi-stationary front." This means that the warm and cold air are evenly matched and neither can overcome the other. They can only tug back and forth. This is your current state.

Finally, I have a quote for you: the present does not mean forever!

You will get better and better!

Hello, host!

I've been in the landlord's shoes and I know how he feels.

From what the landlord said, it seems like he's not totally happy with his current situation and is hoping for something better.

I hope I can get a higher salary and meet the right person to get married. These things show that the host still has hope for the future.

Ideals are great, but reality can be pretty disappointing.

I bet you're feeling a range of emotions, seeing that all of your family and friends around you have started their own families and established their careers, while you are still single and have an average career.

The landlord's current income and ownership of his own apartment have solved two major problems.

Someone who's self-reliant and has a stable home.

It's not that common these days to find boys your age who are self-reliant and have their own place. There are still quite a few who are still relying on their parents or are good for nothing.

Having the right material conditions in place is the foundation for everything else. At the very least, having made the material preparations will give you a more secure psychological foundation.

Also, the original poster feels that his emotional intelligence is low, and that girls don't want to chat with him after a few words.

I actually think everyone has their own unique character traits. Having low emotional intelligence and a low income isn't necessarily a reason for girls to leave.

The bond between people is really quite mysterious. In fact, it's not just about the level of income when it comes to liking someone.

As they say, only people with similar energy levels can recognize each other. Perhaps it's not your time yet.

Just be yourself, be true to yourself, and let your strengths and positive qualities shine. You'll attract people who like you.

Instead of waiting for someone to pick you, remember that it's mutual attraction that brings people together, even though the traditional concept is that men pursue women.

Right now, external conditions aren't as important.

As a result, mutual acceptance and tolerance, trust-building, and marriage will naturally follow.

Come on!

And about the dream of becoming an animation designer ten years ago, I decided to give it up at the time because I felt that it wasn't a viable long-term career option.

It's never too late to give something a try. If you love it, you can always try it in your spare time.

Start out by treating it like a hobby so you can enjoy the creative process.

Then, from there, you can gradually start to dip your toes into the profession. With time and effort, you might not become a great designer, but

At least you gave it a shot, and you won't have any regrets.

The biggest regret in life is that I know I can do it, but I just don't try.

You'll never know if it'll work unless you give it a shot.

You can count on enthusiasm when you first get started, and on method and perseverance along the way. If the method isn't right for you, you won't be able to stick with it.

Any great cause isn't just about enthusiasm. There has to be a method and logic to it, too.

There are lots of ways to improve.

You could also try exercise, reading, or even doing your favorite anime design. But where is the time to be decadent?

Ultimately, you don't have a clear goal and lack motivation, which makes it difficult to plan for the future.

Ultimately, it's up to you. The future may be bleak, but it depends on whether you're willing to be a different person.

Let's do this!

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors!

I love you, and I think the world loves you too!

Hello!

After reading your question, I was reminded of my own youth. I was once a medical worker, doing very intense work every day, but in the eyes of outsiders, my work was respectable, and my family also felt honored, so they didn't ask me if I felt a sense of achievement and worth at work or if I could experience happiness in life. After all, the older generation, who once worked hard for a living, valued stability and decency more.

It's important to understand your emotions. Having a stable job takes courage and strength to change. But if you can't experience happiness, it's even more difficult to be happy. You also need to think about the practical problems of starting a family and establishing a career.

I think a lot of people share your concerns. There are two main reasons why. First, when parents spend time with their kids in the early years, they often make decisions for them based on their own views. Second, they don't create an engaging environment, which can limit children's creativity and imagination.

As adults, they lack creativity and imagination and have difficulty making decisions. They tend to live a fairly routine life.

British psychoanalyst Winnicott suggested that a child's mental health is shaped by their mother from the start. He said, "The natural growth process of the infant and its interaction with the environment can develop with the individual's genetic pattern, laying the foundation for the strength of the individual's personality and the richness of the personality." This foundation gives the child the chance to engage with the world in a creative way and enjoy the cultural heritage it provides.

If someone doesn't get off to a good start, cultural traditions don't matter. The beautiful world is just an alluring sentiment that can't be enjoyed. So, it's not about wealth. It's about getting off to a good start.

"

The general idea is that if a child is cared for by their family and parents in a way that meets all of their physical and psychological needs, the child will naturally feel at ease exploring the world. In this way, creativity and imagination can naturally develop. On the contrary, children need to sacrifice these abilities to find a way to survive in the family. For example, girls who are treated as inferior to boys develop like boys, and children from poor families grow up to be responsible adults.

Another issue is that parents are often too anxious and over-supervise their children, which also prevents children from developing freely. In our country, there are too many anxious parents who often say, "I've been through more than you've ever seen."

I'm not sure if your current situation is related to the two situations I just mentioned.

It looks like you've got a favourite major and an idea of how you want to make your future happen. So here are a few suggestions:

1. Take a look at your current situation and see if you have what you need to make a change. For instance, if you want to study animation, you can keep your current job until you can make a living with your new profession.

You can do it in your spare time. The most important things are motivation and willpower, and the ability to persevere in the future.

If you're 23 or 33, your parents shouldn't be controlling you too much. I'm not sure if that's the case for you. Try to find a balance between your own ideas and your family relationships. Let them know you have your own ideas and want to live your own life, while also gaining their understanding, respect, and support.

In fact, parents will be really happy when their kids find a job they love and are good at.

3. In terms of work and love, it's better to focus on finding yourself and being the best you can be. When you can stick with what you're good at and find your passion, you'll be the most attractive person. If you're thriving, you'll feel it. So, all problems can be solved by focusing on yourself.

If you're a good person, the problem will work itself out.

4. If you're really unsure what to do, you can get help from a professional counselor. Sometimes past experiences make it hard to find yourself. With the help of a counselor, you can get twice the result with half the effort.

Wishing you the best!

Hello question asker!

Your account shows two main themes: career and marriage. These are common problems.

"Confusion" is a term used in psychology to describe a feeling of cognitive dissonance. It occurs when someone's thoughts and actions don't match.

The questioner has a stable job and a house. The county town salary is 5,000 yuan. This is not bad. Many people envy you for having a stable job! The most important problem may be "relationship problems."

Girls stop talking to you after a few words. You probably think you have low emotional intelligence and a low salary. Maybe the other person feels unhappy chatting with someone with low emotional intelligence, but it's unlikely that it's because of a low salary.

Think about it. Do all girls stop chatting with you after a few words? Or just a few? Some girls think they need to find a guy with a higher salary right away.

Some girls think they can work hard together. A lower salary is not a problem if you work hard.

The questioner says you should think about why girls stop chatting after a few words. If you don't find out why, it will be hard to chat with girls in the future.

Salary issues are related to relationships, but your salary doesn't determine if you can fall in love or if people like you. Many people who earn less than you have already gotten married and had children. So your salary doesn't determine if you're in an intimate relationship.

If you don't think you're paid enough, how much do you think is enough? How much do you need to earn to find the right person?

How do you deal with confusion at work?

1. Look inward first.

Adults should know what to give up. What do you need right now? Is it a new job?

Or find a romantic partner? Or make money your top goal.

Understand what you need and want most within yourself. Then take action. Thinking without taking action is useless.

Set a general direction and small goals. Achieve them one by one.

One step at a time.

2. Look outward.

If you change how you think, change your environment, and take action, you can break out of a state of confusion.

If you want a better salary but can't change your mindset, look for a new job.

Choose based on your past experience, hobbies, and all aspects. If you don't have any specialties, discover them. If you do, improve them. Use your free time to study and improve yourself. Consider changing jobs when the time is right.

No progress in relationships.

There are many reasons why women stop chatting with you.

For example, during your chat and dates, the girl may feel like you're not on the same page. She may find you uninteresting or emotional.

When we first meet a girl, she'll examine us. She'll think, "Does this person like me?"

Is he right for me? How do you know what the problem is?

1. Go to a professional and talk about the problem. You may be able to see the reason in yourself, but it's not your fault.

Sometimes there are many reasons why we can't get close to someone. Only talking face-to-face can help us understand the problem and find the right solution.

2. Once you find the problem, it's easy to solve. Just learn more. For example, if you don't have conversation skills, then learn how to chat. There are many books and articles on the subject. If you are willing to learn, you will improve.

Best wishes!