At 30, with two adorable children, my husband is very good to me, how can I forget him?

Good morning, my name is Gu Yi. I am as modest and self-effacing as ever.

I can discern the sweet shyness of a young girl in love and the anxiety of not knowing where to turn in your description.

How many individuals should we endeavor to love throughout our lifetime?

It is said that it takes 500 previous lives to gain a mere passing glance in this one. Fate is a complex and intriguing phenomenon that ignites the imagination and encourages people to explore its nuances.

It is a matter of fate that has brought us together with someone we feel we can trust for the rest of our lives, so that we can get married and have children and live an orderly life. Then it is a matter of fate that has brought us together with an interesting soul, so that while we feel happy and good, we constantly beat ourselves up because we always feel like we are cheating spiritually.

The rationale behind inquiries and the pursuit of answers is twofold. On the one hand, it is an attempt to secure assistance in extricating oneself from the current situation. On the other hand, it is an aspiration to ascertain whether the actions being undertaken are, in fact, misguided. At this juncture, the individual who can provide the most assistance is oneself. This is because one has traversed the stages of ignorance associated with youth, endured the pain of childbirth and childrearing, and attained a heightened level of understanding and awareness regarding life's challenges. Consequently, one possesses the innate ability to navigate the situation effectively.

It is possible that everyone you meet may prove to be a significant challenge. Since you will meet them, they will undoubtedly offer you something valuable and then move on. Therefore, regardless of whether they provide you with gratitude, love, or even hatred and pain, it is essential to prioritize your own well-being and protect yourself to the best of your ability. There is no definitive answer to the question of how many people you should love in your life.

As we continue to develop and grow, our perspective on appreciation evolves.

The objective is to allow yourself to withdraw unharmed.

The objective of "retreating unscathed" is not to admit fault, but to enhance self-preservation. It is uncertain how long an intriguing individual can retain their allure or the nature of the person with whom one has interacted. However, when it comes to children and family, psychological attachments and a sense of belonging are inevitable.

The sudden boost in mood and anticipation that comes with receiving a message after a phone conversation is an uncontrollable but positive emotional response. While it may be tempting to dwell on this feeling, it is important to recognize that it is, by its nature, transient and should not be overthought.

While life may be perceived as mundane at times, it is acceptable to allow oneself to experience this phenomenon, but it is advisable to conclude it as soon as possible.

It is only appropriate to enhance your life and cultivate a more positive spiritual outlook. Ultimately, others may exploit our weaknesses because of inherent gaps in our character. Therefore, it is crucial to address these gaps, cultivate happiness, and develop the ability to please oneself. In doing so, one can foster a genuine and fulfilling friendship.

Best regards,

Hello, questioner!

You're married with two kids and your husband treats you well. Life is pretty good, but you've met someone who's got your attention. You're feeling a bit overwhelmed, but you know what you need to do.

You met someone, and he's very good. You feel like you kind of like him, and every day you long for him to message you. You're exceptionally happy when you see his message, and he's all you can think about. You take the initiative to message him, and now you're annoyed and distressed. You keep hoping to see him, and the time goes by quickly when you're with him. You want to forget about him, but you're reluctant to do so.

If you're not married and you meet someone who makes your heart flutter, go for it! But if you meet someone who makes your heart flutter outside of marriage, handle the situation calmly, keep your distance, and adjust your mindset. Know that it's just a momentary impulse of curiosity, and the so-called "true love" outside of marriage is just a momentary sense of novelty that can't stand the test of time. If you chase this "true love" and "like," what about your two lovely children? What about your husband? They're innocent!

You're still distressed and confused. You're afraid of this liking, but there's also reluctance mixed in. What can you do if you're still reluctant? Do you really want to abandon your husband and children for this unknown liking? You can't be so selfish.

If you can't get out of this emotional turmoil for the time being, then make sure you keep yourself busy and fulfilled so you have no time to think about it. After you've been busy for a while and you've become better and better, you'll see that you're no longer entangled and miserable. At least, your current affection has not received much response, and you should learn to let it go.

Some people are very nice, but you don't know better! Love your two children well, manage your happy marriage well, and when you really let go, none of this will matter.

I am confident that my answer will help you. The world and I love you.

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

The questioner said that she has two children and that her husband is very good to her. She's relatively happy, and others might think she's happy too. She thinks she should be happy, but after meeting someone who isn't married, she feels that she likes him. She wants him to send her a message every day.

From this perspective, while the husband is very kind to the questioner, that kind of kindness isn't the kind she's looking for in a romantic partner. It's more like the kind of kindness you'd expect from relatives. In your relationship, there might be a lack of excitement and variety, which makes things feel a bit dull but without any major arguments.

The questioner didn't say who he is or how you met. If you've known each other for a long time, then the other person certainly knows your situation. If he has feelings for you, then it can be said that he is purposeful, and that he still wants to get involved in your family even though he knows that you have a child and a family. It can also be said that there is something wrong with his views on relationships.

Then, when you really get to know each other better, you might find that the other person isn't as good as you imagined. Give yourself more time to see what it is about the other person that makes you feel attracted to them.

I'm not sure what I want. I always look forward to seeing him, and the time just flies by when I'm with him. What should I do?

1. Figure out what you want.

The questioner said that her family is happy, but she also said that she is attracted to a man, which shows that your married life is not as happy as you think. It seems like there's also something about your husband that you're not happy with, but you didn't say what it is.

You'll only know why you interact with the other person, whether they understand you or meet your criteria for a spouse, if you clearly know what you want. If your husband can do this too, will the questioner's thoughts then be diverted to him?

It's important to understand what you truly want, whether it's something external or internal.

2. Know the difference between appreciation and liking.

If we don't know much about love, we see each other as perfect and get all flustered when we meet. We think that's what love is like. But it could also be because we meet someone we admire, like an idol.

You might say he's your idol, or that you want to become such an outstanding person yourself. This makes us unconsciously want to have more contact and interaction with such outstanding people. We don't fall in love with someone for no reason, so it's important for the questioner to distinguish whether the desire to contact is based on like or admiration.

3. Identifying issues in your marriage

When the questioner realizes that they just like the other person, it can only mean that there's an issue in your relationship with your husband. As for what the issue is, only you two know.

You have two children and your husband treats you well, but what's going on beneath the surface of this tranquility? Is it a lack of love or just a compromise?

Some people choose to marry someone they don't love at the age when they think they should get married due to various factors, thinking that they can fall in love with each other after marriage through getting along. However, sometimes not loving someone is just not loving someone, and if you settle for someone you don't love, you'll be in a bind when you encounter the happiness you want one day.

If you want to make some changes in your life and make it more exciting, it would be a good idea to communicate well with your husband and work together to solve this problem. Then your family can be happier, and you will know that the good feelings for other people are actually not so-called likes, but just a kind of displaced sustenance.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best regards.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I will be your companion with warmth and listen to your story with sincerity.

It is understandable that you feel guilty. You have a happy family with a lovely child and a loving husband, but you have developed a crush on another person of the opposite sex.

Consider offering your partner a warm embrace. It may be helpful to reflect on the idea that even in challenging circumstances, there is often a positive aspect to be found. Let's explore this further.

1. Perhaps it would be helpful to focus on strengthening your attention.

I kindly ask you not to think of a white cat, but your mind keeps returning to that image.

"Attention will be strengthened." It might be helpful to remember that the brain has a specific mechanism, and that suppressing it can sometimes have the opposite effect. It could be beneficial to allow yourself to relax and appreciate, like, and admire someone.

It's understandable that you're feeling worried and mixed up about this. It's natural to have mixed emotions when you're facing a situation like this. It's possible that you're worried that liking another person of the opposite sex might be seen as a betrayal of your family and your husband, which is a valid concern.

The conflict between what you think you should do and what you actually do is akin to two little people engaged in a internal debate, which can result in a constant drain on your energy, similar to a tap that remains open.

It would be beneficial to relax and be generous in sharing your thoughts with your partner. This may require some communication methods and skills.

It would be beneficial to share your views and feelings, as well as listen to the other person's views and feelings. Building a foundation of respect and trust is essential, and working together to find a solution to the problem is the best way forward. It is important to allow for an emotional flow during this process.

If you have a good feeling about a member of the opposite sex, it might be helpful to tell your partner about it. He can then offer you his perspectives and suggestions from his point of view, which could help you understand what this "good feeling" is about. This could also help to warm up the relationship between you and your partner, which we will talk about next.

It may be helpful to consider that every emotion may be driven by an underlying need that has yet to be met.

A marriage that is truly ideal would include three key elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment.

It is not uncommon during the early stages of courtship for individuals to perceive the positive qualities of their partner, often due to hormonal fluctuations and the halo effect. This can create a powerful attraction that drives the two together, leading to a deeper level of passion.

As they get married and spend more time together, they gradually enter a long-term period of habit. From then on, love and affection—transformed into family affection—they get used to each other's good and bad sides.

It is not uncommon for couples to experience a period of disappointment in their marriage, particularly if they have set the bar high in terms of expectations. This is why it is important to remember that marriage requires effort from both parties. It is also worth noting that perfect love is not a reality in this world.

It is important to recognize that the needs of men and women in marriage are different. Men often seek appreciation, admiration, and recognition from women, while women frequently desire a sense of security, value, and care from men.

There are right and wrong ways to behave, but the motivation behind the behavior is often a good one. You may feel that liking another person of the opposite sex is wrong, but there could be unmet needs behind this that could be discussed with your partner. This could be a good opportunity for communication between you as a couple.

3. Family therapy guru Mrs. Satir once shared an interesting perspective on intimacy. She observed that when a man and a woman talk about their feelings, they often start by discussing the weather, then move on to facts, and gradually escalate to talking about opinions. Eventually, they begin to talk about their feelings, and finally open up to each other and even discuss their vulnerabilities.

In reality, however, the opposite is often true. The sequence may be: talk about the weather, then facts, then opinions, then feelings. This can sometimes lead to difficulties in a relationship.

Here are a few suggestions for ways to repair relationships and improve intimacy:

1. Consider expressing your feelings.

It could be said that intimacy is only possible when there is a connection on an emotional level.

It is often the case that expressing your feelings is the best way to create intimacy. When there is a difference of opinion, it is not uncommon for people to look for the other person's fault. It is perhaps not the most constructive approach to reason with them, as everyone tends to believe they are right.

It is often the case that reasoning in relationships will only lead to arguments. It is possible that if you win the argument, you may lose the relationship. It may be more constructive to use emotion to move people, and reason to convince them.

2. It is best to avoid complaining.

If hope is not fulfilled, it may be helpful to make a request instead of complaining, as this can lead to frustration.

It may be helpful to remember that behind every complaint is a hidden unmet need.

3. Consider removing your armor.

It might be helpful to consider removing your armor in front of your loved ones.

I believe that being intimate means not being afraid of the other person.

I hope these words are helpful to you, and to the world. I love you.

If you would like to continue our conversation, please click on the link entitled "Find a Coach" located in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

You say that you are relatively happy in your marriage, but when you meet him outside of your marriage, you have a good chat with him, and every day you long for him to send you a message. You are exceptionally happy when you see the message he sends. You are now very distressed, as he is all you can think about. Every time, you are the one who takes the initiative to send him a message, asking how to forget him, but you are a little reluctant to do so.

It's understandable that after a long marriage, you might feel a lack of passion in your life. It's also possible that your husband is too busy at work to pay attention to your emotional needs. When you meet someone who can provide you with a good response and emotional value, it's natural to feel happy, miss him a lot, and feel that the time spent with him goes by quickly. It's important to understand your own needs and what you really want, and it's okay to feel this way.

It would be helpful to understand whether your husband is able to provide emotional support, companionship, or sexual needs, or whether you could get these from other sources.

It might be helpful to explore this on your own. If you find it difficult to explore on your own, you could also consider speaking with a counselor.

It is important to remember that you are the one who needs to maintain your boundaries with him. He is unmarried, not taking the initiative, not refusing, not responsible, and there is no pressure. If you do decide to break through the boundaries with him, you will have to bear the consequences, which could include feelings of anxiety and worry, as well as attacks on yourself. It is also important to consider how you will deal with these emotions after the incident.

If you feel you can bear the consequences, you have the option of choosing whatever you like. It would be helpful to have a strong psychological energy and to be able to gauge your own abilities.

We gently suggest that you do as much as you are capable of.

It might be helpful to consider that forcing yourself to forget him too quickly might not be the best approach. Your feelings for him seem strong, which is understandable. When you can find other ways to meet your needs and stop relying on him, you may naturally move on or feel less invested in the relationship. This process can take time, so it's important to be patient with yourself.

I know it's tough, but I'm here to support you. You've got this!

Hello, host!

After reading your description, I also want to say that everyone wants to take a second look at something beautiful! But due to your identity, you are conflicted. It's like you want to see someone but can't, and you want to love someone but can't. But you can! You can overcome these obstacles and find happiness.

Maybe this is the thrilling anticipation of an exciting new world!

First, boundary management. Everyone has a love of beauty, and this is something we can all celebrate together!

All you need to do is set a limit in your heart and you can only favor one person. Apart from your children, there's no doubt about your favoritism towards them!

Treating friends and family are two different concepts, so make sure you manage your boundaries well!

Second, there is a wonderful sense of responsibility towards the family. You also say that you have a happy family with two absolutely lovely children, and that you are the center of the family and the emotional link.

Ask yourself: Can your husband give you the qualities you see in others? What can you do to get what you want from your husband?

There is no perfect person, only someone who aspires to be. And those unfulfilled wishes always hope to be seen! So choose to speak up for yourself if they are not seen.

And then there's the incredible influence on children. A mother's emotions are like the feng shui of a home, creating a safe haven for children.

Where there is love, there is passion! Love your children well and give them more effective companionship. This is your lifelong wealth!

The most beautiful scenery is on the way! No matter how beautiful the scenery of the journey is, you will eventually have to leave. But, life is more real when there are regrets!

In the end, every bad marriage is the result of the interaction between oneself and the relationship. But every good marriage is the result of growing together! As Romain Rolland said, "You don't have to force love, but you must take responsibility for your marriage."

"I know you already have the answer in your heart after reading this!

Good morning,

Dear Host, Thank you for your post. I can see that you have been seeking help on this platform in order to better understand your own feelings and adjust your behaviour accordingly. This is a commendable approach.

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and can discern the complex emotions you are experiencing.

Furthermore, I would like to commend you for facing your own feelings and seeking assistance on the platform, which will undoubtedly help you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and make necessary adjustments.

I will now share my observations and thoughts from the post, which may assist you in viewing your preferences from a more diverse perspective.

1. Identify the needs he has fulfilled for you.

From the aforementioned post, it is evident that you have expressed a degree of interest in this individual, citing feelings of happiness when receiving messages from him, when in his presence, and when time seems to pass more quickly. I can relate to these sentiments, as they are quite appealing.

On a positive note, the host demonstrates rational restraint and an active search for solutions, which is commendable.

Let us examine together why we are drawn to him. Frequently, individuals in marriages are unable to fulfill their needs within the relationship, leading them to seek fulfillment outside of it.

It would be beneficial for the hostess to ascertain whether her own needs are the driving force behind her feelings. This relationship could provide an opportunity for the hostess to gain insight into herself.

It would be beneficial to ascertain his needs and what you provide for him in return.

The original poster indicated that she has two children and that her husband treats her well, which contributes to her overall happiness. However, this raises the question of why she still finds herself in this stable situation.

Is the issue that life is perceived as dull? Or is there a lack of understanding from the other party?

Or is it something about him that attracts you? This is something you need to investigate further, host.

2. Attempt to enhance the quality of your marriage.

As previously stated, it is often because our needs are not met within the marriage that we look outside it. Therefore, once our needs have been identified, we must consider whether we can satisfy them within the context of our marriage.

Should this relationship be leveraged to enhance the marriage?

It is not uncommon to meet someone new after marriage. It is natural to develop feelings for someone who captures your attention. Changing your mind is an instinctive process, while loyalty is a conscious decision.

Marriage itself is somewhat anti-human, but it may just be anti-human. If we manage to make a marriage work, that would be a notable achievement. The original poster can use this relationship to identify potential areas for improvement in their marriage.

Fill in the gaps in your own family structure and make your family and yourself happier.

3. Identify your key priorities.

Many individuals are uncertain about their primary objectives, leading them to become distracted by minor details. They may be influenced by seemingly insignificant gestures.

Individuals with greater wisdom and insight are often able to discern their core needs in marriage and intimate relationships.

Knowing their core needs will lead to more decisive decision-making. When individuals are clear on their needs, they can more effectively assess what they are willing to give up.

4. Be aware that it is not feasible for one individual to meet all the needs of another.

As adults, it is important to understand our own needs and limitations. While it is natural to desire fulfillment of all our needs, it is not realistic to expect this from others.

Therefore, when our core needs have been met in marriage and some needs remain unmet by our partner, it is important to remember that we are adults and can take responsibility for our own needs, emotions, and actions.

Additionally, adults should take responsibility for their own needs, lives, and emotions.

I hope that you have found these comments to be helpful and inspiring. Should you have any further questions, you are invited to click on Find a Coach to engage in one-on-one communication and collaborate in your growth.

Good day.

I have carefully reviewed your description of the problem and the responses from other users. The suggestions offered are well-considered and thought-provoking.

It is my personal opinion that while the majority of people are aware of what is reasonable, human desires cannot always be overcome by reason.

There are numerous examples of this phenomenon. For instance, while smoking is detrimental to one's health, it is challenging to persuade smokers to cease this habit.

It is evident that the questioner has conducted a significant amount of analysis and comparison, and has been self-assured in her own reasoning and justifications.

For example, we can cite the following reasons for optimism: our family is happy, our husband is good to us, and we have two lovely children.

From these reasons, it is evident that the questioner is strongly motivated to move on from the situation. However, the desire to reconnect with the individual in question remains. There is a daily longing for communication, and emotional responses fluctuate in line with this.

The questioner is experiencing distress and is unsure of the best course of action.

It is likely that the majority of people in this world will encounter problems similar to those experienced by the questioner, despite being aware that the situation will not work out between the two parties involved.

In light of these considerations, what is the optimal course of action to extricate oneself from this emotional quagmire?

It is clear that changes must be made. First, we must abandon the notion of confrontation. It is important to recognize that the more we attempt to suppress our emotions, the more intense the backlash will be. Conversely, we must acknowledge our feelings for him. The first step to self-improvement is self-acceptance.

We can then establish a gradual plan. Previously, we considered her throughout the day, but now we have set aside two hours each day for this task. When the two hours are complete, we immediately cease other activities, such as family and child care responsibilities.

I would recommend watching some TV dramas that are similar to your current situation. The more melodramatic, the better. When we watch TV dramas, we are seeing things from a third-person perspective. This will help you to understand what other people's experiences may have revealed.

Finally, it is important to avoid rushing the process. This is a gradual experience that will unfold over time. There is the potential to gain valuable insights into the true meaning of life from this experience.

It is only through adversity that one can truly grow and develop.

I hope this information is helpful to the questioner.

Thank you for your time. My name is Jiusi, and I represent Yixinli, World and I Love You.