At 36, I'm accustomed to locking my bedroom door while sleeping, but I'm also worried about unexpected incidents. What should I do?

Hello, question asker!

I have carefully read through your description of the problem, and I see that you have written this final question at the end:

You need to do something about this. It's ridiculous that you're struggling with such a trivial problem.

When I saw you say such a trivial problem, I knew I had to speak up. I thought, yes, why can't you untie this knot yourself? We all have problems, and we can all overcome them.

You may be so happy in other aspects of your life that this little problem has trapped you. Or perhaps this is the fairness that God has given you.

I know you think this is a trivial problem, but it's not. It will pop up from time to time and cause you no peace of mind.

You came up with a great solution on your own to stop your mother-in-law rummaging through your clothes. Then your neighbor had an accident, and you started worrying about other things. I don't know how long this has been going on, or if you've asked your spouse or other family members for help.

I believe you haven't told your husband about this problem. You're worried he won't understand, and you don't want to tell anyone. But you can't let this go. You're lucky to know you can come here for help. This proves you're courageous and wise. You deserve a big pat on the back!

I will share my views based on my own experience on how this situation can be handled.

First, let's examine this law from a psychological perspective:

The Festinger principle is a well-known judgment by American social psychologist Leon Festinger. It states that 10% of life is made up of the things that happen to you, while the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happens. This means that 10% of life is beyond our control, while the other 90% is within our control.

I don't know if you've seen it before, but you need to spend more time studying this law. Look it up on Baidu and see how it applies to your life.

Next, let's examine your current situation. You mentioned that your husband returns on weekends, so let's assume he'll be staying for two days. That means you'll only have to deal with yourself for five days a week. With your husband around, you'll have a built-in solution to any problems that arise. At least two days a week, you'll be in a relaxed mood, which is a great buffer for you and will prevent you from being constantly stressed. This is a very favorable condition for solving this minor problem.

Next, ask for help from your husband and family. For example, talk to your husband about the situation and let him give you some advice. With your husband's support, you can close the doors and windows. We worry about safety, but we can always stay in touch with our husbands, and WeChat is so convenient, which also increases our sense of security. You can also ask your husband for help or directly tell your parents-in-law what you need. Ask your mother-in-law to knock on the door before entering. I think if you just mention it, the problem may be solved quickly. If we don't say anything, who knows we have this need?

I want to be clear that the first rule is to focus on the 10% of things you cannot control and the 90% of things you can control. The 10% of things you cannot control in your question, such as the neighbor having an accident, are not the main issue. The rest of the things in your question are all 90% things you can control. What about the tremella? I also hope that you can focus your main energy on these 90% things you can control.

Tell your mother-in-law to knock before entering. If she agrees, you won't have to close the doors and windows, and you won't have to worry about the lack of oxygen. This is something you can control!

You can control yourself and the things you can control. Get yourself out of trouble, solve this little problem, and live a happy and fulfilling life.

The world and I love you!

Hi, I'm Strawberry.

I see you're going through a rough patch. It seems like you're lacking a sense of security in this family. With your husband away for so long, you've gotten used to sleeping alone with the doors and windows always closed. It's like you're subconsciously preparing for burglaries, which we often heard about during our upbringing. This might not seem like a big deal, but when we're alone in a space, our minds race, especially at night. So, closing the doors and windows tightly is also a form of self-defense, caused by our lack of a sense of security.

The questioner said that he's afraid of the cold all year round. Is it because the house is located in a relatively cool area? Or is it a physical problem? If so, it'd be a good idea to exercise more, get some sun, and take care of your body.

I was also afraid of the cold when I was weak. Being overly afraid of the cold can affect our mood and state of mind. When our body feels comfortable, we will have different views when considering and looking at things. It's also important to keep our body in good condition.

The questioner's family lives in a house they built themselves. Her in-laws live on the second floor, and the questioner's small family lives on the third floor. Since they're a family, the questioner's husband, who isn't always home, gave her the key to the floor where she lives without telling her. This seems like a caring act, but it also shows that the questioner's husband is a bit careless. Because he didn't say anything, his mother-in-law was able to enter her room directly, scaring her while she was asleep.

When we're asleep, we're pretty relaxed and out of it. If something unexpected happens, it can make us feel like we need to protect ourselves. So after that, the questioner also got used to sleeping with the door locked.

The neighbor's accident made the questioner worry about sleeping with the doors and windows tightly closed. His anxiety started to affect his normal life.

What should I do? I feel like I can't handle this minor issue.

Where does anxiety come from?

The real issue is that the questioner feels like their personal space could be disrupted if the doors and windows aren't kept shut. This is a big change from their usual way of life, and it's taking them a while to get used to it.

You're worried about safety issues, and your partner is worried about others crossing the line. The good news is that by solving these two problems, you can naturally eliminate anxiety. To address safety concerns, the question owner can check the fire situation in the home before going to bed and turn off the switch. If this becomes a habit, it'll be a very safe habit. This will also eliminate the worry about whether the doors and windows are closed tightly.

The mother-in-law's habit of entering your room without knocking can be seen as her knowing that you're sleeping and thinking that entering quietly won't disturb you. However, the fact that the mother-in-law entered your room without knocking can also be seen as her knowing that you're sleeping and thinking that entering quietly won't disturb you.

You could try locking the door or being more direct. You can explain to your family that you don't want them to enter your room when you're sleeping. If they respect you and understand that their inconsiderate actions have caused you distress, they'll do as you ask.

2. Know what you're feeling.

From what the questioner said, it seems like they lack a sense of security when it comes to their environment and behavior when going to sleep. This isn't a new issue; it's something that's been going on for a while.

So, when the questioner's husband comes back, does she still have to do the same thing to fall asleep? You can get a sense of security from other people, but it's even better to get it from within yourself.

When we rely too much on people or things, and when these people or things are not around us, we begin to feel insecure and need to do something else to make ourselves feel secure. The best way to feel secure is to be self-sufficient. Environmentally speaking, the questioner can create their own space in the way they want it, so that they feel safe when they are there. Mentally speaking, if they take care of their own safety, they don't have to worry too much about what problems might arise, and they don't have to be in a constant state of mind that they are in danger.

3. Talk about what you need.

The way the questioner gets along with her husband can be described as being apart more often than together, which isn't great for the relationship. After encountering problems, it seems that the questioner is not used to confiding in her husband.

It's really important for couples to be able to talk to each other. You listen to me, I listen to you, and we maintain our relationship. As long as you're willing to talk, there's a way to do it.

It might take a little getting used to at first, but give it a try a few times. Once you're used to telling each other what you need and responding to each other in a timely manner, you'll find that your relationship will become more harmonious.

I hope this helps the original poster. Best wishes!

Hello.

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a mindfulness coach. I have read the post carefully and I understand you, the poster, very well.

I have had similar experiences. The host bravely expressed his distress and actively sought help on the platform, which will undoubtedly help him better understand and recognize you. This will allow him to adjust and encounter a better self.

Next, I will share my views and thoughts in the post, which will help you gain a more diverse perspective on yourself.

1. It's a desire for a space where I won't be disturbed.

From my own experience, I know that when I close the door and read, I can really get into it and calm down. But if the door is open, I get distracted easily.

At first, I didn't realize it either, but I soon saw that I needed such a space, a space that is my own and where I can be left alone. I realized that relationships mean rejection and that I have a right to decide who disturbs this space.

I am always disturbed when I open the door to read, and I am very annoyed. I have a lot of emotions, but I don't express them, so when no one comes to disturb me, I still can't calm down. But closing the door is an expression of emotion, and it means I don't want to be disturbed.

The host mentioned in the post that she is afraid to sleep alone, so she needs to close the door and windows. This is one aspect. Another aspect is that she feels the room she sleeps in is her privacy. When her mother-in-law suddenly comes in, she feels her privacy has been violated, and this also makes us very uneasy.

Closing the door is an expression of my emotions. I don't want my privacy invaded or disturbed.

2. Accept yourself.

Your post reminded me of a story about a consultant. She liked cleanliness very much but didn't like doing the housework herself.

She couldn't afford to hire someone to do it at the time. It was a source of distress.

She has accepted that she doesn't like doing the housework. She has also discovered that she will tidy up before her colleagues and friends come over because she doesn't like the feeling of having a messy home.

She always invites friends to her house to play on the weekends first, and she will have the house cleaned up. This satisfies her own needs on the one hand, and on the other hand, she gains friendship.

So, accept yourself as you are, but there are new ways of doing things.

The landlord should put the children's clothes in your own room. They should put it on the second floor.

Open a window or use an air conditioner to heat the room. You don't need to be afraid of carbon monoxide poisoning.

These things can and do coexist.

3. Use your rational thinking.

From the original post, it's clear that this behavior was not the norm. Her husband was no longer there, and her mother-in-law had a key. This changed after she once entered the room without knocking. The solution is simple: put the children's clothes in another room.

If you are still uneasy, then reassure your worried self with rational thinking. You can say to yourself, "I understand your concern, but the reality is that the children's clothes are no longer in my room, and my mother-in-law will not go into my room indiscriminately."

You can rest assured. Have similar conversations to reassure yourself.

You can also mention your feelings to your mother-in-law or even ask your husband to mention them to her. Building up a sense of boundaries will make you feel more comfortable.

For example, you can ask the mother-in-law to say hello before entering.

I am confident that these ideas will be of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, host.

You seem to be someone who places a high value on maintaining boundaries and security in your life. You have a tendency to keep your doors and windows tightly closed when you sleep. However, a recent incident involving a neighbor who died accidentally from carbon monoxide poisoning has prompted you to consider the potential risks associated with sleeping with doors and windows closed.

How might this issue be resolved?

Opening the windows and doors may result in an unoccupied house and the potential for intrusion at any time. Conversely, closing them could lead to safety concerns, such as a lack of oxygen. Both scenarios are related to a sense of security, with the former being psychological and supported by facts, and the latter being physiological and simply a negative thought in the mind.

I would therefore suggest that you consider sleeping with the doors and windows tightly closed. How might you deal with the anxiety caused by this "negative thinking" in yourself?

One possible way to address negative thinking is to present facts or data that may help to refute it.

1. Fact-based rebuttal

It might be helpful to note that when doors and windows are closed tightly, the air in the room is still circulating. In the doors and windows of the houses we build ourselves, there are inevitably some gaps that cannot meet the standard of complete closure. This means that there is almost no problem of oxygen deficiency.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to ascertain the facts regarding the accidental carbon monoxide poisoning of your neighbour, in order to prevent the spread of anxiety. While a confined space may provide convenient conditions for carbon monoxide poisoning, it is unlikely to be the root cause of this phenomenon. It is more probable that improper heating is the cause. After all, simply breathing and a closed room will not produce carbon monoxide.

It would seem that, over the years, there have been no reported cases of people dying from suffocation due to a lack of oxygen simply because doors and windows were closed.

2. Rebuttal based on data

It is important to note that the human body is unable to survive in the absence of sufficient oxygen. For this reason, it is crucial to maintain a certain level of carbon dioxide in the air, as this helps to regulate oxygen levels. The normal concentration of carbon dioxide in the air is only 0.03%, while the concentration required to cause severe oxygen deficiency is approximately 5-10%. This means that in a room with a volume of 25 cubic meters, the concentration of carbon dioxide will increase by 1/1000 per hour, or 0.1%, and reach 5% in about 50 hours.

If I might respectfully suggest, the room is still completely sealed and airtight.

I believe that as long as we open the windows to ventilate the room after waking up, there is no problem at all.

Another approach could be to try externalizing the problem using the problem externalization method in narrative therapy, which might help to reduce some of our anxiety.

First, it might be helpful to recognize that the idea that "closing doors and windows will cause a lack of oxygen" is a negative thought that arises in our brain. When we are feeling anxious, we can gently remind ourselves that our brain is generating this thought, rather than it being a reflection of reality.

One advantage of this approach is that it allows you to create some distance between yourself and the thought.

You might consider naming the thought, for example, "Reminder King," as it arises to remind us to pay attention to sleep safety and to check the room for electrical and fire hazards.

It is not here to cause anxiety, but to remind us of safety. We can live with it peacefully.

I hope that some of what I have to share is helpful for you.

Hello, question asker! I'm really happy to be able to answer your question.

First, give the questioner a reassuring pat on the shoulder and some encouragement. The questioner says that since he lives in the same building as his in-laws, his mother-in-law obviously has no sense of boundaries.

The way the in-laws were entering and leaving the questioner's room without telling her or knocking on the door made her feel insecure. So she locked the door to her room to make sure she could get a good night's sleep.

I heard recently that someone locked the door and accidentally poisoned themselves. So the questioner is also afraid that if something happens to them and no one is around, it will have adverse consequences, right?

From what the questioner says, it seems like they're caught in a double-avoidance conflict. Locking the door is to prevent an accident in case you need medical attention but can't get it in time. Not locking the door means that the in-laws won't have a sense of boundaries, and you won't be able to guarantee their privacy and safety. Is that right?

From what the questioner has said, it seems that the questioner's husband is often not around. This lack of his presence is making the in-laws feel insecure and want privacy from the elderly. I'm going to give you a quick analysis of the problem and some simple suggestions now.

It's important to understand the behavior patterns of your in-laws.

Why didn't they have a sense of boundaries? Were they treated this way when they were young?

Our original families really have a big impact on us. When they were young, their parents' lives were probably already pretty tough. Back then, the whole family lived together, so there weren't really any boundaries.

Maybe their generation had to deal with so much hardship just to survive that they didn't have a chance to learn how to love well, run their own households, or set boundaries. And when their parents grew up and started their own families, they brought the experiences of their childhood with them.

My in-laws were never taught about boundaries because of their childhood experiences. They were subjected to inappropriate education and treatment during their upbringing, which has shaped their current behavior patterns. These patterns also affect how they interact with the questioner. My in-laws see the questioner as a member of the family, and there are no taboos, so they bring their boundary-free mode of interaction to the questioner, which causes the questioner's worries.

Be confident in expressing your thoughts.

Have you ever brought up the lack of boundaries with your in-laws at home? Sometimes, as a daughter-in-law, it can feel like you're in a disadvantaged position, and it can be hard to speak up. Is that something you've experienced?

Has the original poster shared their views or opinions with their husband? Try to gain the support of your loved one, and then discuss your views with the elderly in the family in a more constructive atmosphere.

Tell them what you're worried about, what you want to do, and what you're afraid of. I believe that as long as it's a reasonable request, the older generation in the family will respect your opinion. If it doesn't work at first, you can remind them again and again, or even set some boundaries for them to understand. Then, slowly, they'll be able to accept it.

It's important to learn to regulate your emotions.

It's only natural to feel a range of negative emotions when you're alone in your old home with your in-laws and your husband, who is your closest person, is often not at home. It's important to be aware of these emotions and consider what they bring to you.

What do you want to do? What emotion do you want to release, and will this release hurt others or yourself?

When you're feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and count to 10 to help you calm down. Or, if you'd prefer, talk to someone about how you're feeling.

It might be worth looking into some psychological intervention.

If you've already tried the above suggestions and the conflict still remains, you might want to consider seeking the help of a psychological counselor. Tell the counselor what the problem is and let them help you resolve it psychologically.

Maybe finding a good counselor will help the questioner safely release their emotions and regain a sense of security. Often, facing problems isn't scary as long as you don't get caught up in conflicting emotions. I believe there are always more solutions than problems.

I hope this helps the questioner.

From the message, it is evident that distress is caused by the uncertainty of whether or not to lock the door.

From the analysis of the cause and effect of the message, it appears to be a relatively minor issue. However, it has in fact caused significant emotional distress. The following suggestions are intended to assist in addressing this problem.

1. It can be reasonably deduced that the greater the severity of a sudden event, the more profound the impact and influence it will have on the individual.

The accidental death of a neighbor from carbon monoxide poisoning

The event itself comprises several elements that may prompt vigilance in those experiencing it.

The recent time period in which the event occurred was not in the distant past.

The proximity of the neighbor is a factor that must be considered.

The occurrence of an unexpected event due to uncontrollable factors.

The consequences of death by poisoning are extremely serious.

From this, it can be seen that these factors, when combined, are likely to cause significant concern for an individual who is sleeping with the door locked. The protection of one's own life is an inherent human instinct, and it is also a natural reaction to face such a sudden and unexpected situation.

Accordingly, acknowledging the present state of mind, rather than merely categorizing it as a "minor problem," will facilitate greater ease and comfort when addressing this matter.

2. The decision to lock the door at bedtime is indicative of the prevailing pattern of communication within the family unit.

From the message, it is evident that the rationale behind locking the door to sleep was due to the fact that your husband did not seek your input and provided the spare key to your parents-in-law unilaterally, which ultimately led to a deficit in privacy and security.

The initial response of the original poster was to tolerate the situation, anticipating that after the birth of a child, the mother-in-law would enter and exit the third floor without knocking. This prompted the original poster to take the precautionary measure of locking the door to prevent any unannounced "break-ins."

The response itself is not problematic. However, had it not been for the unfortunate incident of the neighbor accidentally dying of carbon monoxide poisoning, the equilibrium would not have been disrupted.

The poster who follows the aforementioned disruption in the equilibrium of the situation still appears to be facing the dilemma of whether to open the door or not. However, it may be argued that this reflects the lack of communication with the in-laws during the course of their relationship.

What factors led to the decision not to attempt verbal communication with the mother-in-law or to allow the husband to facilitate communication between them in order to resolve the intrusion?

Or did you attempt to communicate but fail, leading you to retreat and secure the door to safeguard your privacy and safety?

Every family has its own internal patterns of interaction, and there is no objective distinction between good and bad, right and wrong. The disruption to the equilibrium within the family unit provides an opportunity to reconsider the family's dynamics from a different perspective.

Although one resides with one's in-laws, one remains a member of one's own family. However, each individual is an independent entity, and it is everyone's right to maintain the privacy of their own space. When the balance is broken, it is also an opportunity to re-examine family boundaries and family communication patterns.

3. It is recommended that you attempt to communicate with your family while allowing yourself sufficient time to process the situation.

If desired, this incident can be utilized as an opportunity to assert one's need for space and privacy, not through passive actions, but through verbal communication. The support of one's spouse is an integral component of this process.

It is possible that the issue may appear inconsequential to you and that you do not feel the need to make a fuss about it. However, it is also an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your family if you are able to communicate openly and express your inner needs.

In the event that direct communication with one's in-laws is not a viable option, it may be helpful to first consult with one's spouse regarding the use of the spare key or the establishment of rules for entering and leaving the room. This approach can serve to safeguard one's personal boundaries and facilitate the restoration of a sense of security within one's life.

If one weighs the pros and cons, one may still conclude that this incident will destroy the harmony of the family and that one's in-laws have long since become accustomed to it. In such a case, one may prefer to address the issue independently, without communicating with one's in-laws.

Subsequently, the impact of the unforeseen occurrence on the individual will also diminish the perceived level of fear over time.

It is advisable to take precautions before going to bed and to exercise caution. With time, the situation is likely to return to a state of normalcy. It is important to allow yourself sufficient time to adapt.

I am not a psychologist who explores human nature; rather, I am a spiritual therapist who cares for the human heart. I extend my best wishes to you.

Greetings,

I am fortunate to be in a position to offer you some guidance.

From your description, it is evident that you possess a strong sense of boundaries. Additionally, you appear to experience a certain degree of apprehension regarding your child's safety when you are alone with him, given your husband's frequent absence. It is understandable that as a woman, you may exhibit a certain degree of timidity in such circumstances. Furthermore, you reside in a spacious household with your mother-in-law.

Although the two floors are not contiguous, there is a possibility that the privacy of the occupants may be violated. The actual situation is that the occupant must work early shifts and the child requires assistance from the in-laws, who reside on the second floor.

Due to the location of the child's clothing upstairs, the mother-in-law is required to enter the room to retrieve them when needed. This results in a sudden and unexpected encounter with the mother-in-law, which may evoke feelings of unease and apprehension.

The sudden appearance of an uninvited individual in your personal space is a distressing occurrence, particularly when your husband is away on business. This situation naturally evokes feelings of vulnerability and concern for your safety. The emotional state you describe is characterized by a heightened state of alertness and apprehension.

The combination of these two factors produces a feeling of resistance and disgust. Furthermore, your mother-in-law did not knock on the door before entering directly because your door was open. You perceive a potential risk associated with closing the door, yet you also recognize the existence of reports online concerning accidental death from carbon monoxide poisoning. Conversely, if you leave the door open, you will be intermittently disturbed by your mother-in-law, which leaves you in a state of indecision.

It is this author's recommendation that the aforementioned course of action be pursued.

Firstly, the closure of the room door will effectively constitute the realization of a private space. With regard to the incident of carbon monoxide poisoning that was mentioned, it is not deemed to be a particularly credible occurrence. There is a certain probability of such an incident occurring. Furthermore, the house in question has numerous windows, with each window having a gap. Air can flow through these gaps, and the door gaps also have a certain width, which can ensure that the normal amount of oxygen is supplied every night.

If the aforementioned safety hazard persists, the door may be opened. However, there is a concern that the mother-in-law may suddenly appear and cause distress. A potential solution is to communicate with the mother-in-law and request a knock on the door when she arrives, thus avoiding any sudden or unexpected encounters.

From the perspective of the individual experiencing these feelings, there are a number of ways in which these feelings of worry can be alleviated. One such method is to take action to reduce the likelihood of the child appearing upstairs the following morning. This can be achieved by preparing the child's clothes the night before and placing them downstairs in advance.

From the perspective of your mother-in-law, however, she has effectively delineated a boundary between herself and you. Given that she typically does not venture to the third floor, it is reasonable to assume that she was not expecting to find you there.

It would be advisable to state that this was an unexpected situation, given that the child required clothes and simply came upstairs to retrieve them. It is possible that your mother-in-law did not consider the implications of her actions.

From her perspective, given that you reside on the upper and lower floors and that she is also an elder like your mother, she would not perceive her actions as causing you significant inconvenience. It is also possible that she believes his footsteps are quite audible to you. These are additional factors that warrant consideration.

Subsequently, if the opportunity arises when she is in your room once more, you may wish to discuss this experience with her.

For example, "You were sleeping so soundly that you did not hear her footsteps, and you were startled when you suddenly opened your eyes." It is also beneficial to express one's feelings immediately when such an occurrence takes place.

Otherwise, a distance will be maintained between you and your mother-in-law, and if an incident occurs, you will simply keep it to yourself, which will result in a negative emotional state.

One can state the facts without becoming personally involved. For example, one might say, "My mother came into my room, and I was surprised."

I was asleep and unaware of your presence. Could you kindly knock next time?

"In this manner, I can prepare myself and feel more at ease. Otherwise, I experience a rapid heartbeat and a general sense of unease," you could say.

This method of expression allows the other person to understand that her behavior may have caused distress, while also conveying some of your emotions. Consequently, your relationship with your mother-in-law will become more harmonious, and you will not hold a grudge against her because this incident caused you fear.

The initial step is to identify the source of the fear and determine an appropriate course of action.

What are the potential outcomes? How might we express our emotions in a logical manner when confronted with such circumstances?

It is my contention that by employing the aforementioned techniques, one can foster enhanced communication with one's mother-in-law while simultaneously alleviating feelings of apprehension, concern, and distress. This, in turn, can contribute to an overall enhancement in one's emotional state.

I wish you the best of success.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to click on the link marked "Find a coach" in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. This will enable you to communicate with me directly.

Yixinli Answering Questions Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, question asker! From what you've told us, it seems like you lack a sense of security when sleeping. You're used to sleeping with doors and windows closed and locked. Recently, though, you heard about a neighbor who accidentally died from carbon monoxide poisoning. You're worried that your previous habits may affect your safety, but you're not sure what to do about it.

Let's take a closer look at what's really going on here.

1. The questioner and her husband lived apart for several years, which made her feel insecure.

The questioner lives separately from her husband and on a different floor. She feels insecure and is worried about the light affecting her sleep. She is therefore used to sleeping with the windows closed, especially as she lives with her in-laws in the same house. Once her mother-in-law came in when she was asleep without knocking, which made her feel even more insecure when sleeping, so she developed the habit of sleeping with the doors and windows closed.

2. Because they lack security, they're more sensitive to people and events in the outside world and have a stronger reaction.

The questioner already felt insecure because her husband was away, and then she was disturbed while sleeping by her mother-in-law, which caused some stress. This made her feel even less secure about her sleep. Later, she tried to calm her mind by sleeping with the door and windows closed, but this made her more timid and sensitive. She also became more reactive to stimuli. Therefore, when the questioner recently heard about an incident in which a neighbor accidentally died of carbon monoxide poisoning while sleeping, she was once again internally stimulated and worried that sleeping with the door and windows closed would cause safety problems.

3. The questioner is not confident enough to share their feelings and always tries to adapt to their environment by changing their habits.

From what the questioner said, it seems like they're a very self-disciplined person who doesn't like to make demands on others. When the husband gave his parents-in-law the key to their home, it was a bit inappropriate. Even though they're family, there are sometimes inconveniences. After all, daily life is relatively private, and people need to maintain an appropriate distance from each other. However, the questioner chose to be understanding and tolerant, which led to the later incident of being disturbed while sleeping by the mother-in-law. Perhaps the mother-in-law's family also didn't pay much attention to details in their lives, and they didn't realize that with a daughter-in-law in the family, sometimes they needed to maintain an appropriate distance in time and space. However, this time, after hearing the unexpected incident from the neighbor, the questioner needed to appropriately open the doors and windows in order to enhance her sense of security. However, this would again lead to a loss of security, and she was afraid to tell her family that she wanted them to pay attention to the details of life and not to disturb her while she slept. The questioner therefore felt trapped.

4. The question asker could benefit from learning how to communicate more effectively with the people around them, especially their family.

The questioner has a somewhat submissive personality. Living with two generations can be tricky. The questioner can talk more with her husband about her feelings and ask him to remind her in-laws to take care of their daughter-in-law's feelings and pay attention to the details of life. Alternatively, the questioner can talk with her husband about buying a new property after they have saved up some money, so that their lives are more convenient and they have a better quality of life.

We've put together a few suggestions in the hope that they'll be helpful for the questioner.

1. The best way to resolve the immediate problem is to change the heating method.

In most cases, carbon monoxide poisoning happens in places where coal is used for heating. Does the questioner's family use coal for heating too? There are ways to change the way you heat your home. You can use air conditioning or electric heaters. Or you can try a new heating method like anthracite. The questioner can change how they heat their home to stay safe.

2. Work on your communication skills so you can express yourself better and communicate more effectively with your family.

It's totally fine for the questioner to tell her husband how she's feeling, especially if she's feeling unsafe. Hopefully, he'll understand and support her. If her husband can work from home, it's probably best for them to be together, since it's easier to take care of each other that way. If he can't be there for her right now, she can also talk to her in-laws about how she's feeling. I really understand what she's going through, because I lived with my in-laws for several years. They were really difficult to communicate with. Sometimes I wanted to solve problems on my own, like when the air conditioner made the house too dry. Then, the street switched from coal to gas, but my in-laws wouldn't change it. We bought an electric heater, which helped for two years. In the end, we talked to my husband and bought a new house, which solved the problem of living together.

3. Learn to handle stress better, understand and analyze situations more clearly, and feel more secure. When you face problems, address them patiently and calmly.

In the future, when the OP encounters some sensitive events, she should take a deep breath and think about how to change her current situation to solve the problem. She shouldn't let the event overwhelm her and worry that her safety will also be affected. She should work on her ability to handle pressure, and at the same time, improve her ability to deal with problems by searching for information online and communicating with people around her, so that she can successfully resolve problems and become a person who can manage her life well.

The questioner's husband is away, and it's tough for her to handle everything on her own. I hope that by working through this, she'll become stronger, more independent, and more confident.