At first, you were fond of spending money on women, but did you regret it after learning about their many flaws?

Hi, I'm a heart coach. I'll be there for you with warmth and listen to your story with sincerity.

I'm happy to discuss with you the topic of intimate relationships between the sexes. As you said, at the beginning of the relationship, you're willing to spend money on the other person because you like them. Later, as you get to know each other better, you become bored and regret what you did at the beginning, thinking that you acted on impulse.

Let's start by looking at the stages of intimacy.

1. Attraction period:

The mutual attraction between the sexes is often based on personality, appearance, and qualities, and it draws the two together. It's an attraction that pushes the two together.

2. Appreciation period:

This is what we call the "halo effect," which is produced by hormones. You only see the good in the other person, and the lover sees the beauty in the beloved.

3. The period of habit:

This is a long-term stage. As love gradually transforms into affection, partners get used to each other's good and bad qualities.

4. Expectation period:

We always hope the other person will make some changes to things we don't like.

5. Disappointment period:

When there's a slight shift in the relationship and expectations aren't met, hopes turn into disappointment. This can turn a positive relationship into a negative one. As disappointment builds up, the relationship can start to deteriorate.

Once love has struck, every couple goes through these stages, so just relax and accept the good and the bad in your partner.

Love and marriage are two different things. There are lots of things to think about when it comes to marriage. After all, love is between two people, while marriage is between two families or even two clans.

Let's take a look at what you consider to be "impulsive" spending.

Love is a skill, and when you're head over heels, you just can't help but act on it. That includes buying things for your partner, which is really an expression of love.

As we talked about in The Five Love Languages, there are five ways to show love between partners. Some are verbal, some are actions. You said your favorite way to show love is "giving gifts."

You see, when you see the other person's shortcomings and realize that you no longer like them, you regret spending money on them.

Every emotion is a way of expressing an unmet need. Your "regret" is a way of telling you something important about life. Take a moment to feel this emotion and think about what it's trying to tell you.

Does regret make you feel disgusted? Does it make you feel powerless and helpless?

Or did it make you feel angry?

The subconscious mind hides our emotions, and when a similar situation comes up, that deep-seated emotion will be reactivated.

It's important to feel the emotions, but also to understand what's driving them. We all want to be understood, accepted, and seen by others.

Just like a delivery man, emotions have energy. If you reject him, he'll keep calling until you accept the gift.

Take a moment to reflect on how you interact with women and identify any patterns you notice. Being aware of these patterns is the first step towards making changes and taking control of your choices.

I hope this has been helpful for you, and for the world. I love you.

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a Coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to keep chatting with you one-on-one.

Good day, my name is Du Xi.

From your inquiry, it is evident that you have elevated expectations for the relationship, yet you experience regret when it fails to align with your expectations.

At the outset of a romantic relationship, there is often a sense of novelty and curiosity, or the formation of beautiful illusions.

The "first impression effect" is a phenomenon whereby individuals are influenced by their initial perceptions of others. These impressions can vary in their degree of favorability.

The characteristics that elicit a positive emotional response should be consistent across individuals. For instance, physical appearance, attire, and mannerisms are among the factors that contribute to this sentiment.

Once an initial impression has been formed, it is often the case that the individual in question will believe that they have formed a positive opinion of the other person. This can then lead to the idea of pursuing the other person.

It is a relatively simple matter to expend funds on women.

It is a simple matter to spend money, but this is merely a means of self-expression. At a fundamental level, there is the conviction that spending money is an effective way of demonstrating one's affection.

In this relationship, you evaluate the value of the expenditure in question.

Ultimately, however, you conclude that the investment is not worthwhile. She reveals a considerable number of her shortcomings.

The individual in question displays a proclivity for disseminating images of themselves that are devoid of authenticity. Additionally, they exhibit a penchant for mendacity and a lack of genuine emotional expression.

The individual may perceive the situation as being devoid of intrinsic value, akin to the act of purchasing an item. This perception may give rise to a psychological gap, whereby the individual's own standards of judgment and comparison are applied.

Moreover, there is a lack of genuine affinity for the individual in question. This sentiment is merely an emotional response. Upon further acquaintance, the flaws of the individual become apparent, and the inability to accept these flaws leads to feelings of resentment. It is only the negative aspects that are visible.

The expenditure of funds will be regretted. How might this proclivity for impulsive spending be transformed?

If you consider this an unproductive expenditure of funds, how might you expect to find genuine romantic attachment?

It would be beneficial to consider your own family of origin and the nature of your parents' relationships, as these have a significant impact on one's development.

Emotions are innate human feelings, and there is no objective standard by which to measure what is good and what is right. Furthermore, individuals possess their own standards, which they may or may not meet.

Money can facilitate the expression of one's feelings but is unable to quantify them. To resolve the conflicts in one's relationships, it is essential to cultivate the capacity to express love, demonstrate tolerance, and appreciate others.

It is only then that one can receive the affection of others.

Hello, my name is Gu Yi, and I try to be modest and consistent.

Nalan Xinde once said, "If life were just like the first time I saw you."

The joy of first love is something many of us can relate to.

If life were just like the beginning, it would always be beautiful. Unfortunately, many of us don't let a relationship stay at the beginning. This can lead to a situation where you find yourself questioning whether you've made the right decision. The feeling when you first meet is wonderful, and it's natural to devote yourself to it. However, as time goes on, you may discover some shortcomings in the other person and feel that your spending is not entirely worthwhile.

It seems that the questioner may be more superficial than they realize, which is understandable. I would like to know how long the initial attraction lasted and whether you were happy to spend money on each other during the time you spent together.

If you were happy at the time, then there was actually some value in the money we spent. It's possible that you may have met the wrong people or been inexperienced, which could have led to you regretting the expenditure later on.

The beginning and end of a relationship have reasons and need to be managed and maintained. There is nothing wrong with spending money to maintain the relationship with good intentions. However, it is important to be mindful of the financial implications. Regrettably, it is not easy to come by money. There is a risk of feeling guilty about spending money on a relationship. It is also possible to feel that the relationship does not bring a sense of gain.

How might one go about changing this impulsive spending habit?

As the questioner only mentioned in the whole description that he/she had expenses, but did not list some specific details of these expenses, it is not easy to judge or give advice. I can only give some general things roughly, hoping to be helpful. If it is just a simple dinner invitation, it is acceptable, but if it is a high-priced gift requested by the other party, it might be worth reconsidering.

It is also possible that you may be held responsible afterwards.

It is reasonable to express our hope that a relationship that brings us surprise and joy can last a little longer. However, if after getting to know each other for a while we discover that the other person is not what we thought they were and we feel cheated, it may be helpful to stop the loss in time and improve our ability to judge people to avoid being victimized again and again.

Life is full of surprises. We never know what challenges or opportunities might arise in our interactions with others. It's important to maintain a healthy balance in our relationships, and that often means knowing our limits and being mindful of our actions.

I wish you the best.