Because I am a bit socially awkward, I don't want people to think I'm a social cow. Will this give a bad impression?

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

After reading the landlord's description, I feel like you're a very kind person. You're willing to take care of other people's feelings in relationships. Later, you'll think about whether this gives a bad impression. This shows that your emotional quotient is not low. It shows that you're more empathetic and considerate of others. This is a very good quality. It's an important element of interaction in relationships. I feel that we need to grasp the degree of being empathetic and considerate of others. We shouldn't be too concerned about other people's feelings. We should pay attention to our own feelings too. Otherwise, we'll feel that socializing is very draining. We'll become tired and bored over time.

From what I can tell, you're not a social phobic. Social phobics are usually very nervous in social situations and don't say much. But you can take the initiative to talk about things, to talk about yourself. This shows that you have social skills! It's just that you're worried that other people won't like your behavior. You actually want other people to like you, right?

I was also really confused about socializing. I always made sure to take care of other people's needs and feelings in social situations. Every time I had to socialize, I felt really stressed. It wasn't until later that I made some adjustments and found a comfortable and at-ease state when socializing. I hope that my experiences can help you, too!

1. When we see the effect of the "spotlight effect" on ourselves, it can be a bit of a shock to realise just how unimportant we really are!

The "spotlight effect" is when you accidentally make your problems seem way bigger than they really are. Let's say you go to a party feeling confident and looking neat and refreshed, but then a little breeze messes up your hair.

The "spotlight effect" is when you unintentionally make your problems seem much bigger than they really are. For example, you go to a party feeling confident and looking neat and refreshed, but then the breeze messes up your hair a bit.

Just as you're about to push the door open, you spot a mirror in the doorway and suddenly feel self-conscious. You look disheveled and your hair is a mess, and it seems like all eyes are on you. It's an easy mistake to make!

You might feel a little nervous, even though this is not the case. This is what psychologists call the spotlight effect.

It's funny how the spotlight seems to shine brighter in our minds than in reality. When it comes to other people, it often means we overestimate how much our actions, appearance, and emotions matter to them.

It's totally normal to feel nervous when talking to others. It's called the "spotlight effect," and it's when you think other people are paying special attention to your every move. When talking to others, you might feel like a spotlight is shining on your head, and it's totally understandable if you feel nervous!

But here's the thing: we're not that important, and other people won't pay that much attention to us. So, just relax, be yourself, and be true to your own state.

It's so important to know that the more you can be true to yourself, the more relaxed and comfortable you will be. People who like you will like you, accept you, and support you no matter what you are like. People who don't like you may still reject you and not support you no matter how you behave. We can't win everyone's approval, but we can be the person we like in ourselves, and the closer we get to our true selves, the more we will like ourselves.

2. It's so important to take other people's comments in the right perspective, as everyone's standards of evaluation are different.

We're all different, and we all have our own set of standards.

When others meet our evaluation standards, we like, approve of, and support them. It's only when they don't meet our standards that we feel differently.

On the other hand, when we meet the other person's standards, they'll be happy with us. But if we don't meet their standards, they might not be so pleased.

So, you'll find that whether the other person recognizes you or not has little to do with you. It's more about whether you match their evaluation criteria. But, we can't control what others think or do. We can't always meet other people's evaluation criteria, and we can't meet everyone's.

Life is hard for everyone, and that's okay! We all want different things and have different positions in life. There's no need to practice yourself according to other people's standards, force others to conform to your own standards, or seek everyone's understanding and approval in everything.

So, there's absolutely no need to sacrifice yourself to gain the approval of others, or to maintain interpersonal relationships. It's totally fine if you're liked or disliked, because there will always be people who like you and people who dislike you. What matters is whether you can accept this self that is both liked and disliked.

We don't live to please other people. If we keep seeking their approval and caring about what they think, we'll end up living their lives. If we hope too much to be recognized by others, we'll live our lives according to their expectations and lose our true selves. This will bring you trouble because it's not the life you really want.

It's time to take back the right to evaluate yourself. You can treat yourself as someone else and evaluate yourself comprehensively, objectively, and truthfully. This way, you'll know yourself better and know yourself well enough. You'll also know what you want. At this time, other people's evaluations have become less important.

When you start caring less about what others think and start living your true self, you'll find that your relationships have improved! Those "bad relationships" that you've been in because you were trying to please others and suppress your own needs will no longer haunt you.

3. It's so important to understand the function and meaning of socializing. And remember, you can nourish and support yourself through socializing!

It doesn't matter if you're socially anxious or socially confident, we all need human relationships. And I mean really good, nourishing, supportive relationships!

Have you ever wondered what supportive relationships are all about?

It's those lovely, supportive relationships that really understand you, give you a helping hand when you need it, and make you feel strong. In life, you'll find that when you're with certain people, you feel totally at ease. You can feel their affection and care for you, their encouragement and support. Then, such relationships are really supportive ones.

And when we are with certain people, we can sometimes feel like we're never quite good enough, like we always have to be careful, and like we'll never gain their approval. These kinds of relationships can end up being pretty draining, and spending time with these people can sometimes make us feel less confident and less like ourselves. So it's really important to choose and spend time with people who support you, because that'll help you become more confident and like yourself!

We humans are social creatures, and we need to socialize! Good social interaction can satisfy our sense of belonging, make us feel our own value, and help us realize our own value. Through interpersonal communication and mutual assistance, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves, others, and the world.

I really hope you can enjoy socializing more and more, and become more relaxed and at ease!

Dear Question Asker, I am grateful to you for sharing your question and for your evident desire to communicate effectively with others. I admire your efforts to build strong relationships. I wish you the best in your endeavors. Sincerely, [Your Name]

From your statements, I do not perceive the level of concern you have expressed about "social phobia." Instead, I detect a greater emphasis on your apprehension about communicating effectively with others and the potential reactions of others, rather than a genuine dislike of social interaction.

If you believe that your lack of emotional intelligence has resulted in a lack of sophistication in your interactions with others, the questioner may have reached a similar conclusion through comparison.

It is challenging to quantify the extent to which low emotional intelligence has hindered your professional growth. However, it is important to recognise that significant changes often require years of dedicated effort.

I can sense that you are eager to move on from the uncomfortable situation of having nothing to contribute, so you unconsciously try to say or do something quickly. However, this may result in you feeling even more detached because the words you have shared have not sparked any engagement.

I recommend that you consider speaking more slowly. This approach not only helps to calm emotions, but it also allows for more thoughtful responses.

Furthermore, a lack of verbal communication does not necessarily indicate poor interpersonal skills. When a person is generally reserved, others may perceive them as having an "inherently cool" personality. However, when they do speak, they may be perceived as having a remarkable ability to engage in conversation. With patience, one can also become a reliable source of guidance for others. There is nothing inherently negative about being cautious when speaking.

In fact, there are only three tips to remember when communicating with strangers: the first is "dare," the second is "speak," and the third is "kind." If you can do these, you will find that the average person can effortlessly become friends with the other person. "Sincerity" is the core of building a relationship.

The next step is psychological preparation. It is my belief that if the questioner can relax sufficiently when conversing with others, refrain from overthinking, and simply embrace the moment, they will gradually begin to enjoy the benefits of interpersonal interaction in communication.

I trust that the above addresses your query.

Best regards, 1xpsychology and I love you.

Hi there!

From what you've said, I can tell you care about how you come across in social situations and think there's room for improvement. You're able to reflect on yourself and want to improve, which is great.

Knowing yourself is the first step to adjusting your perception.

If you find yourself falling into awkward silences, try changing the subject or talking about yourself. This shows you're proactive and open, which are great qualities in a social situation. Don't label yourself as socially awkward or lacking in emotional intelligence. It's normal for young people to lack social experience and interpersonal skills. Very few people are sophisticated and mature from the start. You'll gradually improve and grow through experience and continuous learning in social situations.

It's really important to develop a sense of learning and self-confidence.

Nurture your own interests and hobbies and turn them into specialties. With time, you'll really understand a field. If the other person is interested in these things too, you can communicate naturally with them, rather than changing the subject to avoid embarrassment.

Being a good listener in interpersonal relationships is also a great way to win people over. In fact, in real life, many people want to talk, are interested in getting to know others, and look for topics that interest the other person. If you can really learn to listen to others, you can also show kindness, let the other person feel your respect, patience, and sincerity, and you will also win good relationships.

Interact with others with confidence, maintain a positive attitude, understand your strengths and weaknesses, and learn to leverage your strengths and avoid your weaknesses when interacting with others.

Confidence comes from having had successful experiences, seeing more of your own positive strengths, and gradually finding more confidence and enhancing your own aura.

Be confident and optimistic, give yourself time, and believe that you will become an even better version of yourself!

I hope the reply from Red Rain is helpful. Thanks for asking!

Hello, question asker!

It's challenging to provide concise advice on your social status in just over 100 words. However, I'm confident that we can have a productive conversation and explore more possibilities together when you're facing challenges.

Don't rush to define yourself with labels.

You're probably still young, but you have an unlimitedly promising future ahead of you. Don't be in a hurry to define yourself with labels like "socially anxious" or "socially awkward." Everyone goes from individual to group and becomes mature through continuous practice and exploration.

With practice, both extroverts and introverts can behave appropriately and comfortably in social situations. When we are still immature, we will show more candor and enthusiasm, which are advantages in social situations.

[See what your true needs are]

Now, we'll discuss your main social needs. Do you want to make good friends, express your opinions, and get recognition? Of course, you may also have other needs, such as improving your emotional intelligence and social skills.

If not, you need to make adjustments to meet your underlying needs. If you want better results, you need to make changes to meet your needs in social interactions.

[What a good impression means to you]

[What a good impression means to you]

Your question and the end of the main text both focus on the word "impression," which indicates that you value other people's impressions of you. If you are in the adolescent stage of "establishing self-identity," then this phenomenon is common. This shows that you are trying to figure out one thing, namely, "What kind of person am I?" You want to know if you are capable, popular, or of high or low value. During the period of exploring self-identity, we seek external approval, but ultimately we must return to internal approval to complete this self-integration.

I am confident that the original poster will remain open-minded, find satisfaction, and continue to grow in social interactions.

Hello, questioner! Let's shake hands. I'm also a social phobic, but I seem like a social butterfly to others. I know how exhausting socializing can be. People have different masks. I'm grateful for mine, even though it's not ideal.

But the real you is the one you like the most. You enjoy being alone.

You've tried to observe, imitate, learn from, and reflect on how others interact with you. You've concluded that you're not very good at it. This shows you're good at introspection and can perceive differences between yourself and others. You can recognize your own limitations. This is the foundation on which you can continue to grow and improve.

You also mentioned some techniques for interacting with others, like bringing up topics or being honest. You're just not sure if these techniques work or if they'll offend others. From what you've said, it's clear you've started to understand social skills. If you use these techniques the right way, they'll help you improve your relationships.

You can safely start a topic with someone who is passive but eager to communicate or with an elderly or outstanding person. Choose a topic you know about or one that the other person is interested in.

After you have thrown out a topic, you can let the other person see your views or elicit their feelings. This can attract like-minded friends and help you learn new things. For topics that the other person is interested in, you can guide them to talk about them. A person who can throw out a good topic will also be a master.

However, changing the subject too much can make the other person lose focus and feel tired. Find out what you are good at and what the other person may be interested in, and bring it up at the right time. Focus on "quality" rather than "quantity."

A socially anxious person is often sensitive. They are better at in-depth tasks than superficial ones. If you are such a person, you can try the approach I mentioned.

If you say you want to talk about yourself, this is called self-disclosure. By sharing your thoughts, you can connect with someone. However, timing and the person matter. If you share too much too soon, it can be intimidating.

It depends on the person. If you know them well, you can use this technique when the conversation is deep and they're interested in you to narrow the psychological distance between you.

There are many other skills that can help people with social anxiety get through social moments safely. After experiencing these moments of nervousness, awkwardness, panic, and helplessness, we will appreciate solitude even more. Our introspective qualities will help us summarize better coping skills.

If we reflect, learn, and know ourselves, we can learn from elders, seniors, classmates, colleagues, leaders, consultants, and good books. We can also ask others about social skills. These topics can attract like-minded people and become the focus of our lives.

Good luck!

Everyone has the power to shine, whether they're asking questions or answering them. Through words, they can brighten the hearts of more people, and this is our shared energy.

Hello, my name is Fei Yang, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I can totally relate to how you're feeling! It's clear that you're struggling with low emotional intelligence and social anxiety. You're trying to stand out by bringing up all kinds of topics, but it's making you feel even more guilty. It's understandable to be afraid that others will see through you.

Let's start with a warm hug and not label ourselves with things like "social phobia," "low emotional intelligence," or "lack of confidence." These are all just ways we doubt and negate ourselves. When we label ourselves, we give ourselves negative psychological cues that make us even more self-conscious.

1. Why not try looking at things from different perspectives?

There's no one right way to see things. Often, when we look at a problem from a different angle, we see it in a whole new light. Let's say you feel you have low emotional intelligence and are a bit immature. The good news is that other people won't be on their guard against you. You'll be seen as harmless, which is a great place to be!

Another example is when you change the subject to talk about yourself. This shows that you are still quite alert and know how to avoid awkward silences. At the same time, it shows that you care about other people's feelings and don't want to embarrass them. This is a great reflection of your etiquette and quality!

I can see how you might think it's all about self-denial, but I see it as an opportunity to focus on your strengths. We all have different perspectives, and that's okay! As long as there are standards, there will be judgment.

We all tend to judge people and events based on our own values and feelings, don't we?

So, I encourage you to try to look at things from more perspectives, see the truth of more problems, and thus give yourself more choices.

2. Social phobia can be caused by a lack of self-confidence, which is totally normal!

From what you've written, I can tell that your lack of confidence is causing you to feel anxious in social situations.

There are two types of self-confidence: one comes from the outside, from material things and the support of others, and the other comes from within. For example, when you receive recognition and approval from others, it's a wonderful feeling, isn't it? You feel a sense of existence and value, and you feel secure.

But, when these supports are removed, you'll find yourself back in the quagmire of loss because these things are not something you can decide. Without realizing it, you might have left the decision of your own value to others.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. It's not a sign of confidence, though. It's more like a lack of confidence. It's like you're hiding it or showing it in a way that makes you feel inferior. It's important to build confidence based on your own success or failure. It's not about proving something to anyone else. It's about loving yourself and your abilities.

There's another kind of confidence that comes from within. It's not based on what others think, but on your own beliefs and feelings. It's unconditional and true.

A person's self-confidence comes from a sense of worth, which is their subjective evaluation of themselves. It's so important to remember that before you can please others, you have to please yourself first. And when you appreciate and accept yourself, it's amazing how others will do the same for you!

If you'd like to know more about the "sense of value," I'd be happy to tell you more on my personal homepage, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it."

?3. Let's dive in and see how we can improve our emotional intelligence together!

Emotional intelligence is a kind of ability that corresponds to intelligence quotient. The great news is that since it is an ability, it can naturally be grown and improved through learning and training!

People with high emotional intelligence and social skills are not necessarily boastful people. We have two ears and one mouth, so it's always a good idea to listen more than we talk! And it's always nice to ask questions, too. If there's something to talk about, take the initiative to start the conversation. And if there's nothing to talk about, lend an ear. This is also an expression of emotional intelligence.

Another thing emotional intelligence can help us with is empathizing. This can really improve our relationships with other people. Empathy is the ability to feel the same way as another person, to put yourself in their shoes. It's like when you watch a movie and you cry or laugh at certain scenes.

There are so many great books out there that can help us learn to train our emotional quotient! And don't forget to watch more language programs, like the guest reviews on "Qixia," and the hosts of entertainment programs controlling the show. You can learn so much from them! Learning is everywhere, and it also accumulates talking points.

I really hope this has been helpful for you. I love you, and I hope the world loves you too! ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click 'Find a coach' in the top right or bottom of the page. I'd love to keep talking and growing with you one-on-one!