Being too attached to feelings leads to resentment and internal conflict. What should I do?

Hello, host! From the description of the question, I sense a serious and stubborn you who gives it your all in the world of emotions. You give it your all, and that's great! However, the result may not be what you want, and you may feel aggrieved and resentful.

Now, let's dive into the emotional issues mentioned in the description!

I was always bullied in junior high school, but that didn't stop me from having fun and making friends!

You've known a few friends for 10 years, and your relationship has gradually grown weaker. If the other person doesn't give up first, you may stubbornly insist on being friends forever—and why not?

If you like a guy, and he has a high level of education, is good-looking, and has many friends who like and admire him, you will keep trying again and again, even if he ignores you, until you are rejected. Why? Because you love him!

It's as if in the world of relationships, you've always been the one trying hard to give, and maybe there's also a sense of trying to please the other person, and the other person's response to you is not as expected. At this time, you may feel lost and sad, constantly expecting and constantly losing. This alternation of emotions is very tiring. But it's also an opportunity for growth and change!

☀️ Adjust your emotional needs from seeking outwardly to seeking inwardly

Everyone has emotional needs and longs to be loved, noticed, recognized, and needed. So sometimes we tend to focus on external relationships, putting all our energy into friendships and giving our all in love.

But at this time, we also give our emotions and feelings to the other person to control. They give a timely and warm response, and we will be happy! They are indifferent and ignore us, and we will be sad.

So what we need to do is recognize, care for, and love ourselves from the inside. We need to believe that you deserve all the good things in life and that you deserve to be loved! And you do!

You said you were always bullied in junior high school, and that might be when your definition of a friend changed. For example, you don't trust people easily, but that's OK!

You said you'd feel lonely from then on. I'm so excited to hear if you still feel lonely now! And is it only your friends who can make you feel less lonely?

Take back control of your emotions! First, make sure you're happy yourself, and then decide what you want. It's also really important to love yourself!

Raise your own frequency and watch your friends come to you on their own initiative!

Friendship or a relationship is an amazing process of attracting like-minded people. Some people are destined to accompany us only for a while, while others can stay with us for the rest of our lives. The older we get, the more we come into contact with different people, and our thoughts and behaviors change accordingly. Everyone's frequency also changes, which is so exciting!

When you and the other person are on the same wavelength, it's amazing how far you can go together if you are in sync! When the two of you are not on the same wavelength, you may not have much to say to each other, but that's okay because you can still enjoy each other's company.

So, don't try to adapt to your friends or the people around you. Be yourself and watch the magic happen! Attract people with the same frequency as you to your side.

Once you start being yourself, you'll see that some previous problems were just unnecessary worries. Everyone has their own behavior patterns, and there's no need to worry about pleasing others. Just do what you feel comfortable with and enjoy the ride!

I really hope you can go back to your heart and blossom into the most beautiful version of yourself! ??

This persistence is often driven by deep feelings within us. We have convictions and ideas about relationships. The current situation is a law of operation in external relationships. Over time, some people will be missed.

Some people will gradually fade away, and some people won't feel strongly about you. It's inevitable that indifference or rejection will occur in the development of a relationship. You're too attached to the relationship and want it to develop according to your own emotions.

But not everything will work out as you wish. There will always be a lot of instability. You once felt very lonely, but then you met some friends and knew you could continue your friendship forever and wanted to hold on to it.

And recently, when you confessed your feelings to a boy, he shut you down, which made you feel very uncomfortable. You even felt that you were born at the wrong time and that your fate had already been decided. At the same time, you became aware of your own internal conflict.

You must stop feeding and ruminating on the past. You have been unable to make decisions for many things, and it is at this time that your resentful thoughts arise. You feel too much fear when you cannot get what you want and are too unwilling to accept things, so you resent others. You cannot grab things that are not yours. You have no way to force the outside world or force yourself. Read books on self-growth or talk to a heart exploration coach about your inner thoughts so that you can grow up quickly. Good luck.

What is ZQ?

Hello!

From your description, I can see that you are a person who dares to pursue, persevere, and be courageous. I applaud you for that!

You want to maintain your friendship with your childhood friend until you're old. When you meet a guy you like, you pursue him until you're rejected. You become depressed and decadent. You say you can't change your fate. So you ask how you can stop being so persistent and wasting your energy mentally.

No matter what kind of character, it cannot be said to be absolutely bad. In fact, people need to be a little persistent. There is no reason why your persistence in friendship and in liking boys to pursue you will not bring too much mental depletion in itself. The main cause of mental depletion is the depression, the surrender to fate and the resulting emotional depression after being frustrated.

Embrace your passion and persistence for life. When you encounter setbacks, accept the consequences of your pursuits and make appropriate adjustments to your emotions, direction, and goals. This persistence is a strength. For example, after years of friendship, it ended. A boy with a high appearance, high education, and many people's affection tried to pursue the girl. He'll shake his head and say to himself with a smile, "Forget it, move on, there will be something better waiting for me ahead!"

You will overcome sadness and defeat. As long as you retain your passion and persistence for life, these will be nothing. The future is still full of hope.

You must let go of the discouragement and depression that setbacks bring. These emotions are what cause the internal depletion you feel.

Look up, look forward, let go of the past, return to reality, rediscover your goals and direction, and start from the present to move forward steadfastly.

You can reduce internal friction by regulating your emotions, accepting what you can, and digesting and transferring what you cannot. The second way is to get things done. Focus on what you should do and make the real world a better place. You will become stronger.

I am confident that Hongyu's reply will be helpful to you. Thank you for asking!

I can see that you are longing for love and connection, and that you feel afraid of being alone. It makes me sad to see that you are struggling with these feelings, even though we don't know each other in person.

I want to give you a warm hug and tell you that you are a very good person and a very valuable person, but I understand that this value is not always confirmed by others.

I can especially relate to how you feel when you like someone very much. In fact, when we really like someone, when we turn our attention inward, we may realize that we are not actually liking someone from the outside, but rather the unfulfilled desires in our hearts to become that confident, beautiful, and popular person ourselves. When our inner desires are not fulfilled, we may look to the outside world to fulfill them.

When we are rejected by people we like, we may feel as though our good intentions have been rejected along with them, which can be a painful experience.

From what you've shared, it seems like you might be looking to become more popular. I want to reassure you that you are already valuable and can be confident in yourself.

It might be helpful to focus on your own heart, rather than looking at things from the outside.

1. It may be that you have some areas of your life that you feel less confident about. If this is the case, it might help to focus on your own merits while also accepting your shortcomings and imperfections.

And then, you may wish to consider working hard to become a better version of yourself.

2. I believe that one of the simplest ways to develop a sense of self-worth is to help others unconditionally and give of yourself. You might consider taking the initiative to participate in some public welfare activities, or doing something for your parents at home that you can do, or trying to step out of your comfort zone and help a stranger.

Gradually, we can begin to affirm our sense of value. When we help others unconditionally, we may find that we are rewarded with kindness in return.

Additionally, it is important to distinguish between unconditional love and giving and conditional giving in the hope of receiving recognition from the other person. For instance, when one pursues a romantic interest, it is natural to anticipate a response from the other person, which could be perceived as conditional giving.

It would be wise to consider whether you have any expectations when you participate in these activities. If you do, it may be the case that others will not respond to you as you expect.

Perhaps we could consider that helping others without any expectations might lead to a greater sense of fulfilment.

I would like to wish you the best of luck in finding that sparkling self of yours.

Hello!

Host:

I have carefully read your post and I can feel the anger you feel from the content. At the same time, I also noticed that you have bravely faced your own heart and actively sought help on the platform, which is a great start! I'm sure that you will gain a deeper understanding of yourself and make positive changes to better yourself.

I'm really excited to share my observations and reflections in the post, which I think will really help the poster gain a deeper understanding of themselves.

1. Unrequited love can make us angry, but it can also make us stronger!

From the post, I can see that the poster was always bullied in junior high school. She felt lonely going to school alone, but then she met a few friends and had a lot of fun. They stayed friends for 10 years, and gradually developed a romantic relationship. I feel that if she doesn't give up on me, I can become her friend for life!

When you meet a guy you like, he is absolutely dazzling and so, so good. You treat him well, and he treats you well. But in the end, you are rejected.

Often, after we have expectations of others, if they do not meet our expectations, we will feel a sense of loss. But here's the good news! If we can learn to manage these emotions, they won't develop into anger. And we can do this by following the advice of the famous psychologist Wu Zhihong.

A person's life is like an amazing energy ball that extends countless tentacles [ideas, will, intentions] into the surrounding world. These tentacles reach out with hope, eager to be grasped and accepted. When they're not accepted, it's natural for anger to arise. But here's the cool part: if this emotion is expressed outwardly, it has the power to inspire others to reach their full potential. And if it's expressed inwardly, it can help us recognize and embrace our own greatness.

I don't know if the original poster has ever felt this way. In our daily lives, for example, two people may make a plan to go to the movies together, but then one of them suddenly has something come up and can't go. Logically, we can understand, but emotionally, we still feel uncomfortable. Well, this is actually the disappointment and anger we feel when our expectations of others are not met—and it's an opportunity to learn and grow!

This is human nature!

2. You may also be angry at yourself, but that's okay!

From the post, I observed the following sentence in the original poster's description: "No matter how hard I try, I can't change my shitty fate." This sentence made me feel angry and helpless.

In fact, when many people like someone, they often like themselves. This self refers to the "ideal self," which is something to be excited about!

The current owner of the building has no friends and is lonely. But here's the good news: the owner of the building doesn't like the current self. You like the ideal self—the self that is excellent, liked by many, and popular!

Isn't that so?

And does this ideal self resemble the guy you like? When rejected by the guy you like, what kind of feeling will you have? It's like no matter how hard you try, you can't achieve the ideal self. But that's OK! There's no reason to feel dispirited. You can always try again!

There's no difference between 0 and 80! So why not give it a go? That's why people become dispirited.

And there's a sense of powerlessness, as well as a sense of anger at a goal that no matter how hard you try, you can't reach.

3. Now, let's dive in and explore the emotions and relationships that have shaped the original poster's journey.

From the relationship between the host and his classmates, he was bullied in junior high school and had no friends. But in college, he made good friends! So in this relationship, what the host gained was being liked, being accepted, and getting out of loneliness. And isn't that great?

Are these your needs? And what have you gained from this relationship with the boy you like?

If the boy you like also likes you back, then it means you have finally become the "ideal self," don't you think?

When we see the needs in a relationship, we can gain incredible insight into why we are so attached to relationships. These needs are some of our normal, natural desires!

So, how do we not become attached? How do we not resent?

4. Take the exciting step of learning to take responsibility for your own life!

We take responsibility for our own lives and our own needs, and adjust the distance between the ideal self and the real self. When we learn to satisfy our own needs and enrich our own hearts, we learn to get along with ourselves — and it's a fantastic feeling!

So, then, will we still be so attached to relationships? Absolutely not! We are attached because we have needs, and these needs are sought externally.

And when we seek inwardly, will we still be so attached?

When we realize that we have to take responsibility for our own lives, we let go of resentment and stop blaming ourselves or others. Because from this moment on, I decide my own future!

If you have a lot of anger, then why not let it go? You've already received the emotions you want to express with this anger, so let them go and watch them disappear!

5. Accept yourself!

Acceptance is the gateway to a better you! When we accept ourselves as we are, our hearts will embrace us fully.

The "ideal self" within us will not always be critical of the current self. And we will not be internally destructive either!

And that's how we can focus more on the parts we can change and encounter a better version of ourselves!

So, what is acceptance? It's about accepting the things you cannot change and focusing on the things you can change. This is how we can always improve!

And we will become better and better!

I really hope this has been helpful and inspiring for you, the original poster! I'm a psychological exploration coach, Zeng Chen.

If you have any questions, you can click on "Find a Coach" and we can work together to make some amazing changes!

Dear Question Asker,

"How might we reduce our obsessive tendencies and mitigate the emotional toll? How might we process and let go of resentful thoughts?" Let us collectively address these issues.

From the description, it can be seen that the questioner is a person who is full of yearning and pursuit in life. Regarding the word "perseverance," it should be interpreted in a positive manner. "Perseverance" can be defined as persistence and hard work on the one hand, and "no regrets" on the other.

Some studies have indicated that, in the immediate term, individuals tend to regret their actions, whereas, with the passage of time, they tend to regret their unfulfilled intentions. This phenomenon can be employed to elucidate the questioner's confusion, suggesting that the confusion may not be a significant concern.

If one is interested in a particular individual, one may invest a great deal of effort into pursuing a romantic relationship with that person. However, if the other person is not interested, one may experience feelings of self-blame, questioning why one was so persistent. This is an example of a short-term behavioral effect.

The long-term behavioral effect is that, as a result of having taken action at the time in question, there is no cause for regret regarding the matter in question.

This line of thinking can assist in the process of letting go of an obsession and accepting it, as well as facilitating a shift from self-criticism to self-encouragement and from self-negation to self-affirmation.

On the basis of self-acceptance, it is essential to understand the concept of reciprocity in relationships. Love is a matter for two people. If one party has exerted their best effort, it is possible to move on.

We may consider the characteristics of a more suitable partner and observe how individuals interact with one another. Despite the dissolution of the relationship, we gain valuable insights through this experience, including insights into the qualities we seek in a partner and the dynamics of interpersonal relationships.

All occurrences are imbued with purpose. Adopting a positive outlook enables the reduction of emotional depletion.

It is, of course, normal to experience feelings of sadness and distress at this time. It is acceptable to allow oneself to feel this way for a few days, but it is important not to linger in this emotional state for an extended period. Engaging in other activities that provide distraction and a sense of emotional relief is a beneficial approach.

One may choose to document the incident in question and to articulate their emotional state in response.

It is recommended that you write about your strengths, with a preference for including as many as possible.

One may also engage in self-encouragement through the use of written language, wherein the use of hyperbole is discouraged.

One may also consider reading books on interpersonal relationships that were read recently. It should be noted that love is also something that needs to be learned.

It is important to allow yourself time to heal and to have faith that love will find you when you least expect it.

It is my sincere hope that these suggestions will prove beneficial.

I wish you the best of luck!

Good day, question asker!

After reading your question, I can empathize with your situation. Let me offer you a warm embrace first.

I believe the problem you encountered may be related to the following:

1. During my younger years, I experienced bullying and often felt isolated.

2. I was fortunate to have a close group of friends, but as time passed, we gradually drifted apart, and I regret that.

3. She had a romantic interest in a boy, but he did not reciprocate her feelings, which led to a period of sadness.

4. Could you please suggest how I can avoid becoming obsessed and how I can prevent myself from becoming emotionally depleted?

Perhaps a simple problem analysis would be helpful here.

1. It's possible that the questioner may have received more attention from their parents for their material needs than for their emotional needs during their childhood. This, combined with being bullied as a child, may have contributed to making them sensitive, insecure, inferior, fragile, and prone to overthinking.

It seems that his childhood home education, as well as the influence of his own life experiences, may have played a role in this.

2. The questioner appears to lack emotional care, particularly in relationships, which may be a result of a fear of abandonment. This same tendency may also extend to friendships, as they may be overly affectionate, lose themselves in the process, and ultimately lose the other person.

3. When we look for a lover, we may be seeking another version of ourselves. Those who lack certain qualities in themselves may be particularly eager to find them in a partner. I liked a boy, or perhaps more accurately, the OP liked the idealized version of herself that she had never met. The OP may have been seeking emotional care that she may have always lacked, or a persona that included good looks, a high level of education, and many friends, which is probably an area where the OP could benefit from growth.

It could be said that being rejected means that the questioner is actually rejected by the perfect self in their own hearts, and they feel that they cannot become that perfect self.

The following analysis and solutions are offered for your consideration:

It might be helpful to try to organize your emotions, accept yourself unconditionally, and remind yourself that you are not bad.

(2) It may be helpful to try to always love yourself and believe in yourself unconditionally.

(3) Consider letting go of the past, embracing a fresh start, and maintaining a balance between seriousness and confidence.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to stop the meaningless internal mental depletion of the self and to stop thinking too much.

You might consider taking a trip, going for a jog, going to the gym, or reading a book as a way to distract yourself.

(6) Consider seeking out activities that enrich your life, such as handicrafts, meditation, reading, and so on.

(7) Perhaps it would be helpful to try to forget the past and not doubt your own value. Until you meet that special person, you could try to improve yourself and become better.

(8) Many of us engage in self-defeating behaviors because we take ourselves too seriously. It might be helpful to try going with the flow and working hard. If there is a connection, it could be beneficial to stay together. If not, it might be best to part ways. Going with the flow could be a path to happiness.

You might find it helpful to listen to the Diamond Sutra by Master Renshan. I have found it to be beneficial in reducing internal conflict, and I hope you will find it useful too.

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you the best in moving forward from this challenging situation and welcoming the positive aspects of love into your life. The world is full of love and support for you.

You know you're too persistent. Relax.

Life is simple. Happiness is easy to achieve. Relaxation is key. Your current state of life can be described in two words: tense.

Your feelings simply don't exist.

You're wrong. There's no internal conflict or anxiety, so there's no purification.

Your childhood friend from ten years ago is an example. You didn't want to get involved with other people. You made up a story about not being able to get over the shadow of your friend leaving. On the surface, it seems like this shadow is haunting you and preventing you from starting the next friendship. The truth is that you just don't want to try socializing again. Your past experiences have nothing to do with it.

Attraction at the same frequency.

Most girls like handsome, sunny boys, but only the princess marries the prince.

This is why. The prince was created by the princess in her inner world, so reality projects the image of her marrying the prince.

Your inner rank is lacking in energy compared to the princess, so the world is attracted to the same frequency. This means that your inner energy can only attract people who resonate with your frequency. It's useless for you to envy someone else because they're not your type.

But that doesn't mean the princess can marry the prince and you can only marry a beggar.

If you want to marry a prince, you have to become a princess. Increase your inner energy. When your energy vibration frequency increases, it will naturally attract a prince like you to come into your life.

The purpose of living is to constantly improve one's degree of freedom of consciousness. This is a process of continuous metamorphosis and growth.

Once you understand this, you will be able to let go of the flowers blooming and falling, and the comings and goings.

Relax. Everything is for the best.

You are blessed!