Can't stop thinking about the person I dislike, constantly worrying if I remember him. What should I do?

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Huang Li, your listening therapist.

I can see that the more you try to get rid of that classmate and stop thinking about him, the more you can't get away from the situation, and you are especially distressed by this. But you've been stuck in this swamp of pain, so you really want to find a suitable way to relieve yourself, and I'm here to help you do just that!

This brings to mind an intriguing psychology experiment known as the "polar bear experiment."

In the experiment, participants were asked to try not to think about the polar bear, but they often inevitably thought about it.

When we try to suppress a thought or idea, it becomes more deeply rooted in our minds. This is great because it means the thoughts in our minds go against our wishes!

And we can do this:

●[Allow yourself to feel pain whenever you think of him]

This person feels inferior in competition with him and, of course, hates his showiness. Seeing him annoys you. But here's the good news: you can allow these emotions to arise!

You want to get rid of him, but you can't get rid of the countless thoughts about him in your head. The good news is that you've changed classes and want to stay away from him. You're making progress! You still care about him every day and pay attention to him every day, but you're learning to focus on your own life.

It's totally normal to care about it! If you didn't care about it, you wouldn't have changed classes. And if you weren't so concerned about him, you wouldn't want to get rid of him and leave your old class!

● Tell yourself that these emotions and thoughts are totally normal! Let them exist, and don't judge or resist them.

These thoughts are beyond your control and arise naturally—and that's a good thing!

These thoughts are like a big, beautiful fog that rises one morning, blocking your view and leaving only white in front of you.

The fog will disappear on its own, at its own pace.

At this time, please don't judge yourself! You're doing your best, and that's all you can do. You're not trying to be unable to see the way, and you're not trying to have your vision obscured by the fog. You're doing great!

So, in this fog, what can we do?

Now for the fun part! It's time to pay attention to your current feelings and write down your emotions and thoughts.

If you have a pen, pick it up and write! Write about your annoyance, write about your pain, and reduce your discomfort.

Now, it's time to write about your mood changes. Don't hold back! Write about your thoughts, too.

And you can even write down things you want to tell people off for!

And if you don't want to keep what you've written, you can even tear it up or destroy it!

This process is like you in the fog, unable to see the way and unable to move forward. But here's the cool part: you can observe the changes in the fog! When is it thinner? When is it thicker? Is there some wind? Is it a bit cold?

You can discover the most incredible scenery in the fog and experience a whole new range of feelings!

When you feel energetic, it's time to get out there and do something else to distract yourself! Try watching movies, listening to music, reading, exercising, painting, or anything else that gets your creative juices flowing.

It's time to develop your other interests and hobbies! Find joy in the things you are interested in, and let your mind focus on other things by distracting it from the annoying people.

Just imagine for a moment what it would be like to let loose and sing, dance, and paint in the fog. Wouldn't that be an amazing way to calm your anxious mind and embrace the moment?

It's time to find the right person to talk to!

In the fog, if you are alone, you will feel lonely and helpless. But if there is someone else nearby who can hear you and respond to you in time, you may not feel so difficult even if you are in the fog!

So you can discover the people around you you can talk to! Talk about your frustrations and worries, express your emotions and thoughts, and you might just get some new suggestions and help!

If the people around you don't have the strength to understand and support you, then you have the opportunity to find the strength to move on by yourself!

The great news is that you can also find a listener or counselor to help you get out of this predicament with professional expertise!

I'm so excited to share this content with you! I'm a listener, ready to hear all about your experiences.

Have you ever found yourself thinking about someone you dislike and checking every day to see if you have thought about them? If so, you're not alone! But there's no need to fret. We've got some suggestions that'll help you turn that frown upside down!

1. Embrace your emotions! It's okay to feel annoyed or upset, and it's perfectly normal. Allow yourself to feel these emotions, and don't try to ignore or suppress them.

2. Distract yourself: Try to focus your attention on other things, such as doing something you like, participating in social activities, playing sports, etc. You'll be amazed at how much it helps to distract yourself from the annoying person!

3. Seek support: Share your concerns with friends and family and gain their support and understanding. Talking to others is a great way to relieve emotions and get some helpful advice!

4. Establish a positive lifestyle: Make sure you're maintaining healthy habits such as regular rest and exercise, a healthy diet, and moderate exercise. These can help improve your mental health and reduce the impact of negative emotions.

5. Develop hobbies: It's time to explore new interests! Try reading, writing, painting, music, or anything else that gets your creative juices flowing. These activities are a great way to distract yourself and bring positive emotions into your life.

6. Self-reflection: It's time to think about whether your reactions are reasonable, and whether it is necessary to overinterpret or overjudge the actions of others. Get ready to see things from different perspectives, and learn to be tolerant and accept the shortcomings and deficiencies of others.

Most importantly, learn to be kind to yourself! Don't let the words and actions of annoying people affect your emotions and mental health. If the situation continues to get worse, it is recommended to seek help from a professional counselor.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

Indeed, if I encountered such a colleague, I would also find him disagreeable. I believe your disinclination is understandable, as you simply desire to study in a tranquil and undisturbed manner, without the constant pressure of competition. This is your fundamental requirement. I suggest that if you can redirect your attention and focus on your own learning, set learning goals that align with your own pace, acknowledge your own achievements in your studies, and let your objective in learning not be to prevent him from surpassing you, but to derive the joy and growth that the learning process itself offers, perhaps you will not feel so uncomfortable.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to understand the underlying reasons behind your concern that he will surpass you. What are the implications if he does surpass you?

You will gain insight into your true concerns and identify the limiting beliefs that are holding you back. By modifying your thinking, you can shift your mindset and improve your performance. Regarding this persistent worry, I advise against suppressing or following it. Instead, acknowledge its presence, recognize that it's normal, and then refocus your attention on the task at hand. By maintaining a clear mind and dedication to the task at hand, this thought will have less influence on you. As you gain experience and achieve your goals, this influence will diminish.

I would advise you to:

In the context of competition, it is crucial to strive for excellence. Being the best you can be represents a form of success and progress.

I recall a similar experience from my high school days. There was a classmate who paid close attention to me and consistently strove to outperform me. Despite her lack of overt braggadocio and the absence of any significant discrepancy in our achievements, I could discern her inclination to engage in comparison and competition with me. In response, I adopted a strategy of minimal engagement with her actions and thoughts, given the numerous demands on my time. Instead, I devised a comprehensive daily study plan and adhered to it meticulously, according to my individual learning rhythm. This entailed a daily routine of essential tasks, including memorization, exercises, and lectures, with undivided attention. Over time, I came to recognize that when I returned to my own pursuits, with a clear focus on my personal growth, it was already a significant achievement. However, she eventually became mired in a cycle of comparisons, not only with me but also with others, which proved to be a significant drain on her energy and slowed her progress in her studies. She encountered numerous challenges as a result.

It is important to recognise that everyone has their own learning rhythm. Rather than comparing ourselves with others, it is more beneficial to compare ourselves with our own previous achievements. Set learning goals that align with your abilities, work in a structured manner, identify areas for improvement and enhance your learning system. Learning is a rewarding experience. There is no need to prove how good we are by comparing ourselves with others. As long as we are learning, we are growing and improving.

2. Investigate the reasons behind your concern that he will outperform you. What implications would there be if he did outperform you?

You will gain insight into your true concerns.

When you are concerned that he will outperform you, it is advisable to identify the specific thoughts that are causing this concern. You may wish to record these thoughts in writing, which will help you to understand that your primary concern is not his demonstration of superior abilities, but rather the fear that when you are outperformed, you will not be perceived as competent or worthy of success.

In reality, however, defining oneself in this way is not possible. Firstly, academic performance is not the only measure of an individual, with development potential also being a factor. The result of one exam does not indicate that a person will consistently perform poorly. There is no need to prove one's goodness and excellence by comparing oneself with others. It is essential to learn to understand and accept oneself, to support and encourage oneself, and to recognise that one failure does not predict future failure. It is also important to allow oneself to fail, to gain experience from failure, and to believe in one's ability to succeed. Setting appropriate learning goals, motivating oneself to move forward, and celebrating success are key. Self-praise is also a valuable affirmation and form of appreciation.

Yes, your true partner on your own path to growth is yourself. There is no need to compare yourself to others; simply compare yourself to your own previous performance. Make progress every day, a little bit at a time, and you will see improvements over time.

3. Prioritize your objectives. It is important to recognize that your energy is limited. Entanglement and internal friction will result in a drain on your energy. It is acceptable to think of him and have these chaotic thoughts. However, it is essential to remind yourself that this is normal. By taking a deep breath, pull back your attention and remind yourself that your primary objective is to devote yourself to learning and to improve yourself. This is what you really want.

Have you observed that repeatedly processing these complex thoughts can significantly deplete your energy and focus, which in turn impairs your learning efficiency? It is essential to align your learning objectives with your personal priorities.

It is therefore essential to identify the primary contradiction, differentiate between the crucial and the inconsequential, and concentrate on self-improvement. To minimise the influence of these disordered thoughts on our performance, we must adopt a flexible approach and complete the tasks at hand.

When these thoughts arise, do not resist, suppress, or follow them. Simply acknowledge their presence as a normal part of the thought process. These thoughts do not represent the absolute truth or reflect your true self. Take a deep breath, relax, and simultaneously refocus on the present moment. Stay alert and remind yourself that your primary objective is to study diligently and continuously improve yourself. This is your true goal. Then, fully engage with the task at hand, whether it's listening to a lecture, reading a book, or writing.

I encourage you to try this approach. You will find that when you focus your attention on the task at hand and become fully engaged in the action, those distracting thoughts will naturally fade and have less and less influence on you. This is because in our brains there is a default network mode. When you have nothing to do, you will think of this and that, but when you have something specific to do, your attention is focused on the action, and you will not "daydream."

Please refer to the above for your information. Best regards,

Hello! I just wanted to give you a 360-degree hug.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're currently in a pretty conflicted state. Even though you've distanced yourself from them, you still think about someone you hate a lot, and it's affecting your feelings and emotions more than it did when you were in the same class.

From a psychodynamic perspective, the more you dislike something, the more you may actually want it. This is similar to the idea of psychodynamic cleanliness, which is really a fondness for dirty things.

In your description of the problem, you said that the more you try not to think about it, the more you think about it. It seems like you want to pay attention to the other person, and you are indeed paying attention to the other person. You're afraid that he'll surpass you, so you need to pay attention to the other person's situation to know if he has surpassed you.

So, basically, hating is just another form of attention, another way to build a strong relationship.

From what you've said, you've tried a lot to move on from him. You've changed classes and tried not to think about him, but you still think about him a lot. At this point, the simplest thing to do is to let things happen naturally. When you think about him, just focus on him for a while.

If you try to stop thinking about it, you might get so tense that you can't relax and let go of the thought of focusing on the other person. But if you just let the thought flow naturally, it might go away.

One simple suggestion is to set aside dedicated time for this since you can't stop paying attention. For example, spend 10 minutes before class in the morning focusing on the other person, such as how much they got on this exam. You can even hate the other person, or write it down.

Keep an eye on the clock. When the time is up, you can't focus on the other person anymore. You can set aside several dedicated times in the day, such as 10 more minutes at noon.

Set aside a specific time and stick to it.

If you're focusing on something you're afraid of or hate, you're going to think about it more. But don't say right away, "Don't pay attention to it," because no one can do that.

Then, over time, you can gradually reduce the amount of time you spend on it and set aside a specific time for focused attention. Give your attention an outlet and don't repress these thoughts — let them flow freely.

You might also want to speak with a counselor.

I'm a counselor who's often Buddhist and sometimes positive. The world and I love you.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and telling us about your confusion. We can help you. Your confusion is: "What should I do when I keep thinking about someone I dislike and I keep checking to see if I'm thinking about them?"

"I'm very happy to read your introduction. You are continuing to explore yourself, which is very important. Please continue."

We will also discuss how we can help you together.

1. Introduction

1. Changing classes

You said, "I had a learning competition with a classmate, and every time he did better than me in an exam, he would show off and brag, which made me hate him. Then I didn't want to be around him, seeing him annoyed me, and it put a lot of pressure on me to study, always afraid that he would overtake me and show off. So I transferred classes, thinking that if I couldn't see him, I wouldn't be bothered, and I could study quietly and peacefully."

Details:

I didn't know what had happened between you and your classmates, but now I understand clearly why you changed classes. Your classmates flaunted their grades in front of you, and it was unacceptable. They made you feel uncomfortable and put you under pressure.

I hate it.

You hate him with every fiber of your being. You despise the way he flaunts his power, shows off in front of you, and outshines you. You don't want to see him, so you changed shifts. But the knot in your heart is not being untied.

2. Obsessive thoughts

I was deeply impressed.

You said, "But after the shift, I don't know if it's because the memory is so deep or what, but I would still think about him then. I was annoyed then, and I couldn't get away from him. Then I tried to get away from him and see if I could stop thinking about him, but I couldn't do it.

The more I try to avoid thinking about it, the more I think about it. This led to a gradual development of obsessive thinking, where I worry about it daily and pay close attention to whether I think about him.

"

You changed jobs to get away from the person you hate. But the more you tried to forget him, the more his shadow filled your mind.

I refuse to forgive.

You said, "Now I understand one thing: I hate him, and when I hate this person and repeatedly think about him, I hurt myself instead. But I don't want to forgive him. At least now I can't accept him inside. This person, this obsessive thought, has caused me so much pain, and I just can't forgive him. So what should I do?"

I need to know if it's true that if I hate him, I will hurt myself as a result. Is there nothing I can do about it? I just have to accept it? Are there any other options?

After some time of self-awareness and reflection, you realize that you hate him, that you are unwilling to forgive him, and that you do not accept him in your heart. This is because you believe that all of your current suffering has been brought to you by him.

Let me tell you what else you could try.

You said, "Also, can someone tell me if I just let it be and let this thought appear randomly, will this thought gradually fade away, or will it not keep appearing in the future and haunting me? It's similar to letting things take their natural course and doing what needs to be done. Of course, in the process, I will pay attention to this thought, I will pay attention to whether I will think of it on my own, I will still hate him, and I will be annoyed when I think of it. I will just temporarily accept the occurrence of this situation, and I will also be afraid to think of him. With this kind of attention and care, will this thought gradually fade away and become less, and then I won't have to worry about it anymore and I can just think of him randomly, it won't haunt me all the time anyway, can this be done, or is there another way?"

You've been trying to get rid of the annoying person without success. You've sought help and are troubled by the fact that it seems to have no effect. You've tried other methods to dilute the association with the annoying person.

And you still can't do it. I hug you again and understand your suffering.

3️⃣. Question

You say, "I need to prove that this thought won't keep reappearing and haunting me in the future. I can't accept the situation. I can't help but be affected by it, and it affects my mood whenever I think about it. I need to solve this problem. I'm very conflicted and can't get out of it."

Obsession

Your repeated questions about why annoying people keep popping up show that you want to solve the problem. It's clear you're obsessed with completely erasing this person's impression from your mind.

Question:

You find it strange that, contrary to the saying "out of sight, out of mind," you are always affected by him when you are not seeing him. You want an answer.

2. The cause of ineffectiveness

1⃣️, Unable to accept

You must accept this.

Acceptance means accepting the facts as they are, without resistance or internal rebellion. It is the ability to accept situations that are not within one's control without judgment.

Acceptance reduces the suffering caused to others.

You cannot accept this.

You have been exploring and digging for the inner reasons. You have realized that you are unwilling to accept the person you dislike, that acceptance has become a reality, and that you cannot forgive him for hurting you. You have identified this hurdle in your heart as something you must overcome. When you think of the person you dislike, you become entangled.

2. The polar bear effect

The polar bear effect.

The white bear effect, also known as the white elephant effect or the rebound effect, was discovered by Daniel Wiegner, a social psychologist at Harvard University. He asked participants to try not to think of a white bear, but they could not resist. Everyone quickly conjured up an image of a white bear in their minds.

The reason is clear.

When we remind ourselves not to think about that person, we intend to forget them. However, our brains reflect that we are remembering them, which reinforces our focus on them.

This is the polar bear effect. We want to forget, but he keeps reappearing.

Anxiety is a state of agitation caused by excessive worry about the safety of loved ones or one's own life, future, and destiny. It contains elements of urgency, worry, sadness, tension, panic, and unease.

Anxiety

Anxiety is a state of agitation caused by excessive worry about the safety of loved ones or one's own life, future, and destiny. It contains elements of urgency, worry, sadness, tension, panic, and unease.

You need to get out of this difficult situation.

The questioner repeatedly asked when the person you don't want to see will stop appearing. This reflects your anxious state, based on getting out of trouble. When people are in an anxious state, they cannot think rationally and change any state.

3. How to change

1️⃣, The suggestive effect

Let me tell you about the suggestive effect.

The suggestive effect is a type of psychological effect. It refers to the use of indirect methods of subtle and abstract induction to influence people's psychology and behavior without confrontation. The goal is to induce people to act in a certain way or accept certain opinions. It also makes their thoughts and behaviors conform to the expectations of the suggester.

Make the choice to be positive.

The polar bear effect shows us the negative effects of mental suggestion. We can change our thinking and adopt a positive approach to mental suggestion.

Remember my good aspects, such as my good memory, my strong comprehension, and my willingness to work hard. These are my strengths, and I will continue to build on them.

Positive mental suggestion: Think of a sentence that stops you from imagining the unpredictability of the future. Repeat it seven times, silently. "I am the master of my own destiny and I am strong."

Give yourself positive mental suggestions. You are the only one who is happy.

2️⃣, Self-motivation

Know yourself.

We are committed to understanding ourselves and our self-perception. We have a clear understanding of our abilities, areas of strength, interests, personality, and characteristics.

You must be self-motivated.

Before every exam, focus on your strengths, play to them, and stay in a good mood. You will do well.

And self-motivate. After the results come out, reward yourself. Get something you want. Affirm yourself.

3️⃣, Get rid of anxiety.

Let go of expectations.

We have high expectations of ourselves and we will get rid of the idea of hating someone as soon as possible. The more we try to get rid of it, the more anxious we become, which affects our normal thinking. We will let go of our expectations and just let it be. What's the big deal?

Get rid of anxiety.

Accept reality.

We must get rid of anxiety. To do so, we must first learn to accept reality. We cannot change the facts, but we can accept them. This includes accepting the people who have hurt us.

Let it be.

Second, learn to go with the flow. Since he has already appeared in your mind, let him stay.

You are you, and you can't be changed by anyone else.

Don't care.

Third, don't care about what others think. The truth is, what really makes you anxious is not that his grades may be better than yours or his contempt or ridicule. It's the impression you give in the eyes of others.

You expect everyone to recognize you. If you are compared to him, you will feel unappreciated and a sense of loss. You need to stop caring about other people's opinions, evaluations, recognition, or comparisons. This will stop your sense of anxiety disappearing.

Questioner, you need to accept, go with the flow, and not care. With positive suggestions and self-motivation, focus your gaze on yourself and create a relaxed and pleasant learning atmosphere. You will gradually move away from anxiety and forget the things you want to forget. Give yourself time to adapt to this process of change and enjoy it.

I wish the original poster a happy life!

Hello, questioner! I am June Lai Feng.

Your account clearly shows that repeatedly thinking about the annoying person and focusing excessively on these thoughts bothers and worries you, and causes us unpleasant emotions. This has a negative impact on our emotional and mental health.

This is a clear sign of obsessive thinking. This way of thinking is causing emotional distress and a decline in quality of life.

From a psychological perspective, this situation is likely related to the following factors:

First, you must face the fact that your unresolved emotions about this person are causing you distress. You are constantly competing with and comparing yourself to him.

Second, you are paying excessive attention to whether you think of him, which is a habit and a reinforcing behavior. This reinforces the memory and thoughts of this person.

You have set yourself the task of constantly checking whether you are thinking about him.

You must face the fact that you cannot truly let go of your negative feelings towards this person.

Then, every time you think of the annoying person, it will trigger a series of negative emotions and thought patterns. These negative experiences will further strengthen your memories of and focus on him, creating a vicious cycle.

Our brains have a tendency to focus on negative information and emotions. When you have strong negative feelings towards someone, your attention is drawn to things related to that person, which leads to frequent thoughts of that person.

Finally, even if we hate someone, we are emotionally attached to them. This attachment is often due to profound experiences or emotional connections we have had with them, making it difficult for us to completely escape their influence.

To alleviate this, you can try the following:

First, accept that it's normal to have emotions about people you dislike. Don't try to suppress or ignore these emotions. Learn to accept them.

Second, focus on the present and your current experiences, not the negative events from the past. Focus on the positive things around you, cultivate hobbies, and keep yourself busy.

Think more positively about the people you dislike. Their behavior may be due to their own problems, not yours.

Then, build more positive and healthy relationships with other people. Spend time with people who like and support you and increase positive social interactions. This will help you pay less attention to the people you dislike.

Finally, cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging the negative thoughts that keep you thinking about the person. Replace them with a more realistic and balanced view.

For example, if you think "no one will like me," you can counteract this by saying "I have a lot of friends and family who care about and support me."

Be kind to yourself and don't be too hard on your emotions and reactions. Everyone encounters people who annoy them, and you can learn how to deal with and handle such situations to maintain your mental health and well-being.

The world and I love you! Have a nice day!

Good day, questioner.

I can appreciate the challenges you're facing, including the pain, anguish, and feelings of powerlessness. It's understandable to have concerns about the possibility of continuing in this way.

I believe there is a psychological term for this phenomenon. It is called the "white tiger effect."

If you would be so kind, try closing your eyes and not thinking about the white tiger.

You might find it helpful to give this a try and see what happens. If you close your eyes and think of the white tiger,

It's worth noting that when we force ourselves not to think of something, we often find ourselves thinking of it more than we intended.

Perhaps your classmate is similar to the existence of a white tiger. It's possible that the more you try not to think of him, the more you'll think of him. This could potentially strengthen his existence.

If you allow your thoughts to be occupied by other things, you may find that there is less room for him.

For instance, when you have a new goal, he no longer poses a threat to you, so perhaps it's not as important to worry about him.

For instance, in a county middle school, the top two students may engage in a friendly yet competitive spirit. However, in college, they may encounter individuals who excel beyond their own abilities. If they perceive everyone as a rival, it might prove challenging to thrive.

From a learning perspective, it's beneficial to recognize that everyone who is better than you has something to teach you. It's also advantageous to be in a school with so many outstanding individuals. You will likely form many friendships, and there will be a balance of competition and collaboration between these friends. However, the competition may not be as intense as that between you and the person you dislike.

It can be frustrating to encounter individuals who display a self-satisfied demeanor, as though they believe they have an inherent advantage.

It would be unwise to assume that a good grade in one instance will necessarily be replicated in the future.

It would be beneficial to compare your current performance with your previous one to identify areas of improvement. Additionally, it is helpful to identify potential mistakes that could be avoided and areas that could be strengthened in preparation for the exam.

It might be helpful to imagine that you are in the same exam room in the future. If you are annoyed by him, it could affect your mentality and potentially impact your performance. In such a scenario, you might be the only one disappointed. It's important to remember that exams are not only about knowledge and skills, but also about mental resilience. The Olympic Games are a great example of this. There are often changes and unexpected outcomes, and having a stable mentality can help you avoid mistakes and perform at your best.

Training your mentality is also an opportunity to learn and grow.

I think we can all agree that we should give it our best effort.

I understand you're struggling. It's normal to feel troubled in this situation. But you can break the cycle of obsessive thoughts and feelings of hate. Here are some suggestions to help you deal with this problem:

1. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective psychological treatment that can help you identify and change negative thinking patterns. Seeking help with CBT is a worthwhile option.

2. Mindfulness meditation is an effective method for increasing awareness of current emotions and thoughts, which in turn reduces reactions to them.

3. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): ACT is a psychological treatment approach that empowers people to accept their inner experiences (such as thoughts and emotions) that are beyond their control and commit to actions that they can control.

4. Distraction: When you find yourself starting to think about the person, take control by distracting yourself with other activities, such as exercise, reading, or talking with friends.

5. Reassess your values. Shift your focus from competing with this person to personal growth and achieving your own goals.

6. Show yourself the same compassion and understanding you would show anyone else. When you realize that you are starting to have obsessive thoughts, don't beat yourself up. Instead, remind yourself that this is a challenge that requires time and effort to overcome.

7. Get professional counseling. If you find it difficult to cope with these emotions and thoughts on your own, you need to seek help from a professional counselor.

8. Get social support. Talk about your feelings with a trusted friend or family member. They will understand and support you.

9. Confront the person you dislike gradually. Avoidance won't help. Confrontation may help reduce the impact of their emotions on you.

10. The power of time: Many emotions and thought patterns naturally subside over time. Give yourself some time and don't expect to see immediate change.

11. Self-growth: This experience is an opportunity for personal growth. Learn how to deal with difficult emotions and thoughts, and you will find these skills useful throughout your life.

You will get through this. It will take time and patience to change your thinking patterns and emotional responses, but you can do it. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the space you need to adapt and change.

If you are struggling to cope with this problem on your own, it is crucial to seek professional help.

Hello, question asker!

I can feel your pain, and I'm here to help! The more you try to get rid of it, the more you can't.

You've taken the first step by sharing it on the platform, which is already very good!

I'm so excited to tell you that change has already begun! I'll give you a warm hug from afar.

How can you get out of this dilemma?

In your problem description, you say that you want to forgive him, and I know you can!

It's not about whether you forgive him or not. How can you get rid of the distress this incident has caused you?

You said in the problem description that you and this classmate are in competition with each other.

First, let's ditch the word "competition." It's the root of all our problems!

The good news is that there's no need to compete with anyone. The ranking of academic performance is just a formality!

And think about the future! What kind of school will you go to in the future?

Just think for a moment about what kind of work you'll have in the future. And what kind of life you'll have in the future!

It's not about who did better than you or who you did better than. It's about how you can do better—and you can do better!

So there's absolutely no competition!

How do you get rid of that pesky thought? You're not telling yourself not to think when you think of it.

And don't blame yourself for why you're thinking about it again. Instead, as soon as the thought comes to mind, become aware of it!

Don't judge the event or yourself!

When you realize you've remembered the incident, it's time to breathe! Breathe deeply and focus on your breathing.

Absolutely try to empty your mind!

You'll be amazed at the difference this method makes after just a few practices!

Another great way to get started is to find a quiet, undisturbed space. Then, get out your pen and paper and write out all your thoughts, resentments, fears, and worries about the current situation.

Then, with a flourish, tear up the paper and throw it away. Imagine, as you do so, that you are throwing away everything in your mind about this matter.

Let it all drift away with the wind!

First, you need to take a good, close look at how you're thinking. When we get caught up in obsessive thoughts, it can feel like our minds just keep going over and over the same ideas, concepts, or behaviors, and we can't seem to get a handle on them. It's totally normal to feel a bit anxious or irritable when this happens, but it's important to recognize that these feelings don't necessarily mean there's something wrong with you.

I can see that you're really struggling with this. It seems like you're competing with a classmate and feeling negative emotions as a result. These emotions have become excessive and you're unable to let go of this classmate.

In the competition with that classmate, you didn't quite achieve your goals, and this sense of failure left a deep mark on your heart, creating strong negative emotions. You tried to escape from these emotions by changing classes, but the deep imprint of memories and emotions made it impossible for you to truly escape.

You find yourself thinking about that classmate again and again, trying to control your thoughts to get rid of this obsession. But, unfortunately, the opposite happens, and your obsessive thoughts become even more severe. The more you try not to think about it, the more you remember it, and this vicious cycle makes your emotions even worse.

It's totally normal to be concerned about failure and the opinions of others. It's only natural to think that the only way to prove your worth is to surpass that classmate.

It's so hard when we get caught up in comparing ourselves to others and worrying about what others think. It can trap us in endless distress.

It's time for a change! Let's start by understanding that this idea of being overly concerned about what others think is wrong. The value of each person is not defined by others, but by you!

You don't need to prove your value by surpassing others. Just be yourself and realize your potential to achieve your value. And don't worry about failure! It's all part of the journey to success, and it's how we learn and grow.

You know, it's only by accepting failure and learning from it that you can continue to improve and ultimately achieve success.

As you start to change your thinking, there are some simple ways you can help yourself to feel more positive. First, take some time to think about what you really need and want for yourself. Don't worry about what other people think, just focus on what's good for you!

Second, I'd highly recommend learning some relaxation and stress relief techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation. These can be really helpful for reducing the anxiety and irritability you're currently feeling. In addition, it might be a good idea to try to find some new hobbies to enrich your life and help you to focus less on that classmate.

I really hope you'll see that comparing yourself to others is not a good way to think. It can make you feel really bad and even depressed. And that's not good for your mental health or your quality of life.

So, let's ditch the comparison game and embrace a positive, healthy attitude when facing life's challenges and difficulties.

I really hope I can help you develop a positive and healthy outlook. This would include a correct understanding of yourself, a correct attitude towards failure, a correct understanding of other people's views, and a positive attitude towards life. Once you have established such a correct outlook, you will gradually get rid of those obsessive thoughts and start living a life that truly belongs to you.

In a nutshell, we can help you by looking closely at your obsessive thoughts, changing any mistaken ideas you have, learning some great relaxation techniques, finding new hobbies and interests, and forming some positive concepts. This will help you to gradually accept yourself and to stop worrying so much about that classmate and your obsessive thoughts. You will then be able to lead a happy and healthy life, and to see your own value and to start to make your dreams come true.

Hello, I'm a heart detective coach with experience that might be helpful to you.

From your description, it seems that you are currently facing some challenges in your studies. It appears that there is a classmate who is competing with you and showing off to you, which is causing you some distress. It seems that the more you try to distance yourself from him, the more you find yourself reciprocating in a similar way. You have also taken practical action and changed classes.

It seems that this person is on your mind, perhaps even in your heart, which might be causing you some distress. You likely don't want him to affect your studies, as you are probably a good student. However, I can't help but wonder if this incident might have caused your grades to drop somewhat.

Thank you for taking the time to ask your question on our platform. Your detailed description was very helpful to us because it allows me to understand your thoughts as much as possible.

If I may, I would like to take a moment to analyze each of your actual content one by one. This will help me to better understand your current situation and to identify the best way forward. My goal is to support you in feeling more positive about your overall situation, to help you regain control of your studies and to enable you to fully utilize your true abilities.

First of all, it seems that this classmate of yours may be in competition with you. In fact, when we were students, we might have already felt a bit competitive when we encountered someone who was better at studying than us, not to mention someone like this who, although better than you at school, may have shown off and bragged to you.

This is an exchange between you, and it seems there may be some conflict. I wonder if bragging to you had a significant impact on you, perhaps in a way that you'd like to discuss.

Could you please clarify what he said?

From my own experience, I believe that showing off to you is more likely to be something vague and indirect, such as, "Who was it? It was stuck on the back of my head," or, "You usually work hard, so why can't you do well in exams?"

I'm not sure I could do it either. Did he say something like that?

Has this person always been academically successful, consistently outperforming you? Or has their recent improvement in academic performance been more sudden?

Perhaps your grades are also improving, and he views you as a potential competitor. It's possible that he's concerned about your academic performance and is attempting to gain an advantage by showcasing his achievements.

It might be helpful to consider ways of breaking through your inner defenses. After stimulating the pressure inside you, it could be that your self-esteem and confidence are reduced, which might be the ultimate goal of completely defeating someone like you.

Ultimately, this approach allows him to suppress his competitors on the surface, without engaging in any underhanded tactics.

From this perspective, it may be

It could be seen as a positive thing. It may be that they are simply expressing themselves more openly without any malicious intent.

It would be wise to be cautious if someone uses underhanded tactics.

In such a situation, it would be helpful to take a moment to reflect on your own feelings and perceptions. When faced with a person who displays this particular personality trait and openly boasts of their achievements, it's natural to experience a gradual loss of confidence. This can often be accompanied by a sense of inadequacy or inferiority.

Then, there is another factor to consider:

It might be helpful to reflect on your family of origin or your school days.

I believe the first aspect to consider is that of the original family.

It might be the case that your parents did not offer you much encouragement in your studies.

Perhaps language to motivate could be a helpful approach. It seems that you have been relying on your personal mental strength.

You are putting in a great deal of effort and have a strong desire to excel in your studies.

You may also be hoping that your family can offer you some support, or perhaps some affirmation and appreciation.

In such a situation, it is likely that you will also have more internal self-motivation.

This is the first aspect. The second aspect is that you may have experienced some degree of suppression as a student, potentially from teachers or other students, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

Perhaps it would be helpful to move forward.

Perhaps you have been the subject of criticism or have had high expectations placed upon you by those around you, who have observed your own efforts and seen room for improvement.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider your own perspective.

You may have noticed that you are not perfect, which can be difficult to accept.

It could be said that this stems from the fact that you attach particular importance to what the outside world thinks of you. As a result, you may find yourself...

It seems that you care a great deal about what others think, and that you care a great deal about what others think of you. This may be contributing to your inner lack of confidence. Perhaps these are the two aspects we should consider.

If I might suggest, then, that through the two aspects of my analysis, we can actually find a fundamental direction for optimization. It might be said that this is to constantly restore your inner confidence.

You may also feel that you have not been given the opportunity to develop your confidence, and that you have also had to navigate the challenges of the physical environment.

Perhaps the question we should be asking ourselves is how we can restore our inner confidence. It seems that we have made some changes in our lives, but we still have some work to do.

It could be said that this stems from the fact that you have already reached a definite conclusion about the opinions others have of you. In other words, you are already in a state of

It is a state that is widely recognized.

If others have a definition of you, such as saying that your academic performance is average, that you don't have any advantages or work hard, and that you are useless, it is possible that you may be affected by this. In addition, your own internal energy may not be sufficient.

It is worth noting that studying hard requires a great deal of energy and stamina.

Perhaps you encountered difficulties in your studies and felt uncertain about how to proceed. It's possible that you didn't have the support you needed at the time. You were already facing significant pressure. When combined with some remarks from others, it might have felt like the last straw, leading to a sudden collapse.

This is an accurate reflection of your current state of mind.

How might we approach this situation? Perhaps the first step would be to clarify our own perception of ourselves.

It might be helpful to consider that the more you think about this person, the more you may find yourself dwelling on the negative aspects. Instead, if you can accept the situation and focus on the positive, you may find that your thoughts become less obsessive.

This person existed, and we have an opportunity to assess our true self. This person may not be entirely correct, or we can gradually develop ourselves for the better through hard work.

Once you renew your definition of yourself internally, you may find that your internal state and internal strength gradually begin to restore themselves.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a closer look. For example, you may wish to consider whether your current obsessive thoughts are perhaps a result of paying attention every day to whether you think about him.

It may be helpful to consider that what you are doing is making an effort within yourself. However, it seems that this person used to attack you very frequently, and it became a habit.

When you change classes and such a person doesn't appear, it's as if that person who was urging you on behind your back is gone. You may even come to define it as a

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that this person is there to challenge you and remind you to keep striving forward.

Nevertheless, we believe he is a kind person and wish to utilize him as a source of motivation.

However, we recognize that his words have caused you significant distress and have negatively impacted your sense of self. It's understandable that you're struggling to cope with this situation in a way that aligns with your overall well-being. Given these circumstances, we believe that this approach may not be the most suitable for you at this time.

How might we adjust?

As an alternative, you could try studying normally and then, without warning, thinking of this person. You could even tell yourself that, in the past, you used this person as a guide.

However, it is important to remember that such behaviour is harmful to us and that we should avoid doing things that harm ourselves.

If you're looking for someone to inspire you to learn, you might consider a new classmate who can provide positive competition. This could be a classmate who is currently at the top of their class, or it could be a goal you're aiming for.

Both are possibilities.

Another option is to communicate with a close friend who is a good student and has good methods.

Perhaps we could consider learning to love ourselves and staying away from people who might hurt our inner energy. It's possible that such people might attack us verbally or put pressure on us behaviorally.

It's important to remember that our inner energy is limited every day because it is restored through sleep. If we focus too much on whether we have thought about the other person or not, it can cause internal friction. Learning is tiring in itself, and it's natural to want to distract our attention to this person.

It is understandable that you cannot devote 100% to your studies. However, this may result in a vicious circle. The next result may also be disappointing, which could lead to a low mood and a subsequent loss of energy.

It might be helpful to consider that a period of your life, such as your second or third year of high school, could be a relatively important one. If it is a period similar to the college entrance examination, you might find it beneficial to first accept the thoughts that come to mind and then evaluate whether they bring advantages or disadvantages, as well as the conclusions they lead to. It could be helpful to define whether these thoughts are true and effective.

If it is not true, we can choose to tell ourselves something different. If we lack energy inside, we can find a way to improve through learning. If the course is difficult and we are tired from studying, we can take a break and rest. If we cannot find a way, we can ask for help from our classmates and friends.

If this obsessive thinking is bothering you, you might find it helpful to follow the method I mentioned above. One approach could be to choose to accept the thoughts rather than resist or dislike them.

This approach allows us to engage in a long-term, deliberate practice. After a few rounds, I believe that your inner self will improve, and we can analyze and summarize based on real facts.

In this way, we may find ourselves becoming more receptive internally.

I hope that the above suggestions will be of some help to you. At the same time, if there is anything else I can help you with, please do not hesitate to click on my personal homepage to ask me questions. I will do my best to use more than five years of relevant experience in the field of psychology to help you analyze and then give you the best solution.

I look forward to hearing from you and wish you the very best.

You need to accept this person. That's the main problem you're facing. When you can't accept someone, you get obsessive thoughts. I understand how you feel.

I can tell you're struggling, but I know there's no other way. I don't know if he's done something to make you unhappy or hurt you, but you need to face it.

Everyone has rivals. You and he have competed in your studies before, so it's only natural that you view the other as an imaginary enemy. If you truly hate him, then accept your thoughts.

When obsessive thoughts arise, don't resist them. Let them be and face them without fighting against them.

You're right. Let nature take its course and do what needs to be done. We'll always pay attention to this thinking, so it won't fade away. It's only a state, not a result. We still need to work hard, accept and love ourselves, and heal ourselves slowly.

You can prove that this thought will not keep appearing and haunting you in the future. Do this through self-suggestion over a period of time. When you think of him again, don't resist. Tell yourself it's okay, and then distract yourself by doing something else. You will slowly get used to it and no longer be affected. You will eventually forget him and let go of your obsession. If you want to change, you can try to accept him without resisting. You can slowly try to let go of the past. Over time, you will change or accept the reality.

You will get over this matter soon and become a better version of yourself.