Can't tell if you're just trying to please someone or if you really mean it.

Affirmation:

Hello, I'm Yu Ting, a counselor at Yi Xinli. I've read your question: "Can't tell if I'm trying to please others or if I really want to be nice to others?"

I'm glad you're confused because it shows you're starting to love and accept yourself.

You want to understand your question better.

You want to be kind to others from your heart, not to please or avoid conflict. You want to know if you're being liked.

Solution:

It's hard to have a clear standard for judging this question. We can try judging it by our feelings. When we're happy, do we feel joy or sadness?

If you feel aggrieved, think about what you need and make the best choice for you.

If you make a choice with awareness, it's an expression of love for yourself and the best decision for the moment.

There is no right or wrong in making choices. Believe that your current choice is the best one for you. Even if you choose to "please," you are doing it to fulfill a wish or to get through the moment better. It is also for your own good.

I feel unloved and lonely. I hope my partner can love and accompany me. We may choose to please him in the hope that he can reciprocate. We can also think of other ways to satisfy this need.

Summary:

It's okay to please others as long as you're aware of your choices. When you're not strong enough, this can be the best way to survive.

When you're strong, you can stop trying to please others and just be yourself.

Hi, I'm Yiyashu (Yiran), your heart exploration coach. After reading your post, I can relate to what you're going through. It seems like you're in a phase where you're more aware of your tendency to please others.

Many people, myself included, are really scared of falling back into the habit of pleasing others after learning about this pattern. They're very aware of whether they're doing things and treating people to please others, and they're scared of falling back into that habit.

It's important to know whether you're trying to please yourself or whether you're doing it for the other person's sake.

This stage is actually a necessary step in the process of exploring ourselves.

It's just a phase. You're more sensitive to the behavior of pleasing others. Don't worry about whether you're pleasing others or not. It'll only make your life very confusing and painful.

The reason the questioner is afraid of and hates his own behavior of ingratiating himself is that he doesn't like the way he looks when he is ingratiating himself, which is rather servile and weak. The key isn't the behavior of ingratiating oneself, but rather your own state of energy.

For instance, when we're more accepting of ourselves, love ourselves, and have a stable state of mind, and we have a disagreement with our partner, we're more likely to communicate patiently, listen to the other person's feelings, be tolerant and accept the other person, and use this to regulate the relationship. Of course, this acceptance and patience is based on our love and acceptance of ourselves.

At such times, you're also accepting and tolerant of yourself. You won't lose your bottom line just to make the other person happy. Instead, you'll communicate patiently.

But at the root of it all is a mindset where you're afraid of losing the relationship or relying on the other person's emotions to feel stable. When you're in that headspace, it's easy to show weakness and ingratiate yourself because you depend on the other person and value their emotions highly.

I just wanted to say that we can't just look at how we act, but rather understand our deeper selves through learning and awareness. This is something you can work on.

I hope my suggestions are useful to you.

If you really care about someone, you may not always say or do nice things. If you really mean what you say or do what is best for the other person, there may be some honest advice in there that may not be pleasant to hear but will be helpful.

Flattery is more about keeping the relationship stable and harmonious. Regardless of anything else, the other person's needs come first.

Then you might end up hurting your own interests. If you do something nice for him, you might not please him, and if you please the other person, you might hurt yourself. It's a fine line, but it's not hard to navigate. If we want what's best for the other person, they might need to make some progress and grow up.

He might need some honest advice or some changes. If we really want to stop trying to please others too much, we have to be on our toes. When we're trying to please others, we shouldn't say things we don't need to say, and we shouldn't do things we don't need to do.

We all have our own interests and things we need to think about, so it's important to understand that, if possible, it is best to let ourselves know exactly what is really pleasing. Generally speaking, trying too hard to please others will get you into trouble and make you lose your backbone and independent personality.

Maybe when you're trying to please the other person, you're actually drawing them closer to you. When you take the initiative to make peace and show weakness, it seems like you're doing so more to maintain the stability of the relationship. In fact, these are also ways to please the other person to maintain the stability of the relationship. But whether the other person appreciates it is another matter. If the other person still treats you the same way next time,

So, arguing is still inevitable, and the other person may still make you feel very uncomfortable. If both parties really want what's best for each other, they still need to communicate. It can't be that only one party makes concessions. Both parties need to find the reasons in themselves and make adjustments. I suggest that you seek some psychological counseling. I recommend that you read "How to Avoid Growing Old Alone," "Why We Fall in Love with the Wrong People," and "Intimacy: Achieving Soul Mate." Good luck!

ZQ?